I thought I had a chance. I thought I could make a difference. I thought I could break the cycle of misery and loss I've been trapped in.

I thought... maybe I belonged...

The room was nearly silent, too silent. The ticking of a clock hanging on the wall was the only audible noise around Rocky. The relatively blank walls and pristine furnishings made it feel like an oppressive interrogation room, or maybe a prison cell. The air felt painfully thin, at least to the gray pup sitting across from the brown haired boy fighting to make eye contact.

"First off, I want you to know that I don't hate you for what occurred, Rocky." Ryder said hesitantly. "Everyone was really tense yesterday and a lot happened, but I can't sugarcoat this either. I think you know you really messed up back there... I'm not gonna grill you with some speech about responsibility and all that crap, but I need to know what happened with you."

The mixed breed gulped, his throat felt dry like sandpaper that scraped roughly when he tried to speak. "Wh-what do you mean?" he croaked.

Ryder could sense the fear in Rocky. "I mean what got to you? You asked me to let you be the one to go down and rescue Francois, and then you froze! That wasn't the Rocky I saw with the bravery and quick thinking that saved Danny up near Jake's mountain. Something was wrong, so what was it?"

"It was just an old memory. Dangling there sorta brought it all back and it got to me, so I'm sorry." Rocky said, chewing his lip nervously, speaking as few words as possible. He didn't take his eyes off his paws to make eye contact, he just couldn't. Suddenly, to Rocky's dismay, Ryder spoke again. "Well do you wanna talk about it?"

"No."

The boy released a long sigh. "Rocky I really think you could make a good addition to our team." The mixed breed's ears perked, the only sign he even acknowledged what he had said. "But how the hell am I supposed to trust you? Clearly there's a problem and you won't tell me, so how am I supposed to assume that this won't happen again?! You almost let someone die!" The boy shouted, pounding his fists on the table in annoyance.

Wouldn't be the first time I let that happen, Rocky thought as a lump formed in his throat.

"I like you Rocky, I really do, but you clearly have some things to fix with yourself. What happened was reckless and nearly cost a life, so as of now I can't have you on my team. I'm not-"

Ryder was cut short by the ring of his pup pad. As soon as he stood up and began talking on it, Rocky hopped out of the chair he was in, making his way outside. He's right, how stupid am I? The mix thought. I was silly to think I could live here and be part of this, they don't need me anyway. A mentally unstable pup with trauma from his past would only screw things up.

Rocky wasn't sure why, but his paws carried him to Zuma's pup house. He approached the door shyly, unsure if his friend would want to talk to him or not. "H-hey Zuma, are you busy?" Rocky asked nervously with his tail drooping.

He heard the sound of paw steps nearing the door before it slid open, revealing Zuma, who's face lit up in a big smile as he saw who it was. "Wocky! No I'm not busy at all, what's up dude?" The mixed breed scrunched up his face in confusion. "You aren't mad about earlier? How I messed everything up? I came to apologize." Zuma's face fell, realizing how bad Rocky felt. "Dude of couwse I'm not mad. I mean it was a close call but I saved Francois, so we'we good."

"B-but I ruined it... He almost died because of me when I completely froze up. If it weren't for you, he would've-"

Zuma placed a paw on his friend's shoulder comfortingly. "Wocky... you're new here. Heck, you awen't even a member of the team! Don't beat yourself up, wescue missions aren't easy and of course someone new to it might mess it up. You'we still weally brave to me dude." He smiled, squeezing Rocky tightly.

The mix blushed at the compliment and hug, enjoying the brief comfort. "I just...I just don't know if I belong here," he said in dismay. "I mean when you first found me, I didn't plan on staying very long... it's been days! I've caused enough trouble already. Adventure Bay has enough rescue pups as is, I'll be ok."

Zuma rolled his eyes, shooting Rocky a "yeah right" look, glancing over his thin body. " I have something to cheer you up actually! Come with me, dude, I have something I wanna show you."

Rocky let out a distraught sigh, "I'm really not in the mood Zuma." The lab wasn't taking no for an answer though. "Wocky you'll feel better, I pwomise. It'll take your mind off this."

"Okay fine... but what is it you wanna show me?"

Zuma chuckled before brushing past Rocky and walking out the doorway. "It wouldn't be much of a supwise if I told you now. Just twust me, dude!"

"I hate surprises," Rocky mumbled to himself as he followed behind out into the yard.

Zuma hopped into his hovercraft, patting the passenger seat with his paw as he wiggled his eyebrows at Rocky to follow him up. "I dunno, Zuma... maybe we should go somewhere else. In case you forgot, I'm not the biggest fan of water..." Rocky's voice trailed off as his ears and tail lowered in nervousness. Zuma rolled his eyes, "dude, I pwomise you're gonna be totally fine. It's so worth the twip, but it's an island so we kinda have to go thwough the water to get there."

The mix looked towards the bay, the calm blue water swaying and sloshing rhythmically. He refused to trust it though; it may have looked calm and pretty, but he knew there was an unpredictable and relentless force beneath the seemingly harmless foamy waves. An unforgiving violence that he held responsible for so much of what he had lost in his life. Suddenly, his gaze found itself locked with Zuma, who was putting on the cutest begging face he could muster. "Pleeeeeaaaaaassssseeee, Wocky?" the lab pouted with his bottom lip quivering.

Ugh, I couldn't say no to that if I tried, Rocky sighed in defeat. "Alright pouty, you win. Just- please don't flip us overboard," he added with a nervous gulp that earned a giggle from Zuma.

The lab took off across the water, his hovercraft gliding smoothly over the waves as he navigated it with ease. He was beaming with excitement as he picked up speed. The lab felt his happiest when he was out on the water. He closed his eyes for a moment to enjoy the bliss. The faint squawking of seagulls over the whirring engine, the splashing of the waves as he cut through them, the salty breeze ruffling his ears and fur. Suddenly, Zuma felt something else; he opened one eye to see Rocky burying his muzzle into his neck and squeezing his eyes shut. "Enjoying the wide so far?" Zuma yelled over the engine with a smirk.

Rocky refused to open his eyes. "J-just tell me when we're back on dry land!" the scared pup shouted, partially muffled by a mouthful of brown fur. The tiny splashes of water hitting Zuma's face weren't enough to cool his blushing cheeks he had from his friend being nuzzled so close. "Haha! Hang tight dude, we're almost thewe." he chuckled when he felt Rocky's grip tighten.

A few moments later, the two pups were about to dock. From the hovercraft, the island was a giant colorful mass floating in the sea. The blue water faded into foamy green waves that lapped at the sand. Bright green palm trees dotted the island and dozens of rock formations formed a path that led up to a central plateau right on the horizon line. "Here it is," Zuma whispered in Rocky's ear once the vehicle's fan had died down. The mixed breed cautiously opened his eyes, finally letting go of Zuma, who missed the embrace the second Rocky let go. They both jumped down, landing in the soft sand on the beach. Zuma looked up to see the sun, realizing it would be setting soon.

"Wocky, this way!" the brown pup said excitedly as he bounded towards the base of the cliffs where a pathway upwards was chiseled out. Rocky chased after the lab, now curious to see what was at the top. He watched in awe at how effortlessly Zuma made his way towards the top, jumping over stones here and there and shuffling up the path. "Hey! Wait up!" Rocky shouted from behind.

When Rocky finally reached the top of the climb, he saw Zuma sitting near the edge, flashing him a cocky smile. "There you are, dude! I wasn't sure if you had fallen or something and I was getting sleepy waiting on your slow tail," he joked. Rocky dropped into a crouch position, head lowered to the ground with his tail wagging wildly. "Oh I'm slow huh? I'd still start running if I were you Zuma." The lab yelped in surprise, barely dodging Rocky's lunge as he ran towards the edge of the plateau. Both pups laughed the whole way, Rocky nipping at Zuma's tail as they raced down the stretch of grassy field. The lab was so happy, not to mention proud of himself. He always loosens up around me... It's like when he spends time with me he sort of opens up to me. He's actually smiling and enjoying himself for once so I must be doing something right.

Zuma was interrupted from his thoughts by a "WATCH OUT ZUMA," from behind him. Rocky tripped over a stone and collided with him, sending them tumbling to a halt. When Rocky opened his eyes again, he found himself staring up into Zuma's. Both pups were embarrassed by their position, yet neither one got up right away. Please don't notice my face, Zuma thought nervously as he felt his muzzle heating up. He could've sworn he noticed a blush on Rocky's face too, but dismissed the thought disappointedly.

Why isn't he getting off me? Rocky thought to himself. And why don't I mind it...

Zuma didn't want to get up. He wished he could've stayed on top of Rocky, staring into his eyes forever. "Erm, Zuma? D-Didn't you...uh...want to show me something?"

He snapped out of it as Rocky wiggled out from underneath him. "Sowwy dude...y-yeah it's right this way," he said as he shook his head in embarrassment. The gray pup followed across the remaining field watching curiously as Zuma vanished into a thick tangle of leaves and undergrowth. Suddenly, he saw light breaking through the covering of green, realizing they were at an opening. "We're here," Zuma said faintly, breaking the silence.

Rocky couldn't believe his eyes, the opening put them out at the edge of the highest cliff on the island. He could see for miles in every direction. Off to one side, citizens of Adventure Bay were enjoying an evening out on the town. Off in the distance, he spotted another island with a red and white lighthouse on it. "Pwetty huh?" Zuma smiled. Rocky's mouth hung open in awe, still taking it all in.

The dying sun was slowly going down, as if sinking into the ocean. Its fiery red blaze fading out into oranges and yellows that bled into the sky all around. The cool evening sea reflected every drop of vibrant color on the horizon, lighting the waters in a dazzling gold that shimmered and sparkled with each rising and falling wave.

"Zuma, it's... it's beautiful." Rocky said stunned. "I've never seen anything like this. Did you find this place yourself?"

The lab settled himself down at the edge, motioning for Rocky to come sit by him. "Actually, yeah dude. It was a few months back. I was teaching Farmer Yumi how to sail. It was super windy and she got blown out and stwanded here. After I got here back safely, I came back to check it out. Ever since then it's sowta been my place to be alone. Whenever I need some time I come out here. I haven't told anyone else though, they'd never stop visiting," he chuckled.

Rocky smiled, feeling special for being the only one to know about it. He quietly walked over to the edge, sitting next to Zuma, who suddenly shuffled closer. "I hoped you'd like it, Wocky. Back when I took you to the beach I remember you not being as fond of it as I was."

Rocky frowned in remembrance. "It was just all the people, I'm just not a fan, y'know? I was by myself for a long time and I guess I've sorta grown to dislike big crowds and lots of people. I'd get anxious whenever strangers are around, but I'm readjusting..."

Zuma smiled at him reassuringly. "I know I know. I like this Wocky though. The one sitting with me now; the fun loving, playful pup." Rocky cocked his head in confusion. "I just mean it's nice to see you loosen up, dude. That's a good thing! When I first found you, you were sad all the time. You hawdly smiled and I felt so bad."

Rocky lowered his head shamefully. "I guess I am sorta pitiful, huh?"

Zuma scooted closer, rubbing Rocky's paws comfortingly, "No dude, you're not a pity pawty. You've seen a lot of bad things in your life, and that's just the stuff you told me about. I'm guessing there's more but wight now that's not impowtant. My point is, I've gotten to see the carefree pup you are deep down. I think you needed a family more than you wealized."

"Maybe...maybe you're right, Zuma..." said Rocky as he struggled to find the right words. "I can't really explain it. I guess when I was playing with you and the others in the park, I sorta just stopped thinking. I don't know if that even makes sense to you but I wasn't worrying for once," he continued with a slight smile that quickly faded as his eyes met the ground. "I just...I get in my own head a lot. I think too much and I can't let what happened to me go. When there's no one around to distract you, your thoughts tend to wander. Survivor's guilt, PTSD, depression...you name it, I probably have it. I knew I was heading down a dark path but there was nothing I could do." Rocky's grim gaze slowly met Zuma's before trailing off to the fading sky in the distance. "The worst part about slipping away is that you can feel it happening day by day but you can't stop it."

Zuma felt a chill run up his spine, not from the breeze but from what his friend said. "Dude sewiously, you've gotta stop going all dark and sad when I'm complimenting your fun loving side," he chuckled sadly. Rocky nudged his friend with an eye roll.

"Yeah, yeah my bad. In all honesty though, I'm better these days than I was. Things have been different ever since I got chased down an alleyway and caught by you. I think you really were someone that I needed..."

Zuma's stare was now burning into the mixed breed with curiosity, "You mean you needed a family and the others? Or did you mean you needed...me..."

"I mean you Zuma... Don't get me wrong, staying here has been absolutely amazing. Having actual food that I didn't have to steal or dig out of a trash can, a bed to sleep on, a roof over my head that doesn't leak or let cold in... it's surreal and I don't even deserve this much. It makes me happy, but none of it makes me feel how you do." You make me forget who I am and what I've done."

The brown pup felt his tail start wagging lightly as his hopes climbed higher and higher. His head filled with a million possibilities of what he thought Rocky might say next, although he had one hope in particular that made his heart beat even faster with every second that passed. "But what's so special about me, Wocky? Why me?"

"How could someone not love everything about you, Zuma? The way you're always concerned for me or how you comforted me the night I broke down...The way you help me loosen up and have fun...even just the way you say my name makes me feel all happy inside. You're just really sweet, not to mention a lot of fun to be with. In a way, you remind me of what my brother Axel was like; just like him you make me feel truly cared about I guess."

I care about you so much more than you realize, the lab thought longingly. His heart was gushing at the sweet compliments, as he found himself completely captivated by Rocky's eyes staring back. Their warm amber color blazed with a brilliant golden hue reflecting from the sunset. They were pulling him in, and Zuma knew it. Maybe this is my chance to show you that...

He sucked in a shaky breath, contemplating his next move. He slowly closed the small space between them, neither one breaking eye contact. Zuma placed his trembling paws on top of the mixed breed's, who wore a confused expression on his face.

Wocky... Zuma's voice trailed off as his eyes darted back and forth between Rocky's lips and eyes. He was desperately searching for some sort of emotion or sign, yet the gray pup was frozen where he stood. A million worries crossed Zuma's mind as he brought himself so close that he could feel Rocky's faint breath warming his cheek. Was all of that meant romantically? Do you feel what I feel? Please- please kiss me back...

"Zuma, wha-"

The lab sensually connected his lips with Rocky's, cutting him off. Time froze and Zuma's world disappeared around him. All he cared about were the gray pup's soft lips on his. This feels so...right. Sitting here, kissing you... Do you feel this too? He slowly opened his eyes to see Rocky wide eyed and muzzle flushed scarlet. Butterflies filled Zuma's stomach as he felt the mix finally kissing back. Zuma's heart swelled, feeling their lips now moving together in a passionate dance.

He never wanted this moment to end. "I... love you, Wocky," He breathed in between kissing.

Suddenly Rocky pulled away, sitting back and wiping his mouth with a paw. "You w-what?"

"I...I said I love you, Wocky."

The mixed breed shook his head and stood up quickly. "N-no you don't. You hardly know me, you aren't in love with me." Zuma's face fell, his heart shattering like glass inside him. "What? Wocky, what's wrong?" he whimpered.

"This! This is wrong, Zuma, I'm not in love with you. I can't be."

The lab tried to capture Rocky's paws again, but they were harshly ripped away out of reach.

"But why! You kissed me back, I felt it!" He whined as he felt a lump forming in his throat.

"Zuma I said no! I don't know why that just happened but it isn't gonna happen again so just drop it! I can't be with you okay?"

"Give me one good weason, Wocky. I've had feelings for you and I felt you kiss me back which means you do too!" Zuma pleaded.

The gray pup ignored the statement as he pushed past Zuma and walked back toward the path leading down to the beach. I'm not falling in love with you... I can't. I'd lose you too...

The ride back to town was agony for Zuma. He knew trying to start a conversation would get him nowhere, but he hated the silence. The two pups crossed back over the water and were now driving down the quiet streets of Adventure Bay. Buildings and cars whizzed by in flashes like the thoughts flying through Zuma's head. What did I do wrong? Did I misread his feelings for me? Then again, I guess I wasn't completely sure... Is it because of me? Am I not good enough for him?

Minutes later, Zuma parked his hovercraft in its usual spot at the base of the Lookout. As soon as the engine cut off, Rocky was out of the passenger seat and on the ground walking towards the room he was staying in. "Wocky, wait! Before you go I wanted to sa-"

"There's nothing to say, Zuma. I'm going to bed."

The lab transformed the hovercraft back into his pup house before heading inside it. Just as he had gotten settled, he heard a knock on the door. Oh seriously Rocky? Did you come to finally tell me why you can't be with me? Zuma thought as his anxiety crept up like bile in his throat.

"Zuma? Are you in there?" came a friendly voice from outside. He dropped his worry when he realized it was Marshall. "What do you need, dude?"

"Chase wanted me to remind you it's dinner time. Are you coming? There's a new episode of Apollo the Super Pup on!"

"I'm not weally in the mood. I'm not hungwy either."

Marshall scrunched his face up in confusion. Apollo the Super pup is Zuma's favorite show, everyone on the team knew that. "Oh...alright then. Is something wrong, Zuma? Are you feeling okay?"

"I think I'll be fine," Zuma lied. "Goodnight Mawshall."

"Oh. Well, um, goodnight buddy. I hope you feel better," The spotted pup said with with concern before trotting over to the room Rocky was in. He knocked lightly and a few seconds later, the gray pup met him in the doorway. "H-hi Rocky. Sorry to disturb you, I was just coming to see if you wanted anything to eat. Ryder was gonna bring you some like usual, but I think he had to go help someone in town."

Rocky tried to fake a smile for Marshall, but hearing the boy's name reminded him of the not so pleasant chat they'd had earlier. "No thanks, but I appreciate it. I'm gonna get some sleep."

Hearing the same response he had gotten from Zuma bothered the normally cheerful pup, who quickly put two and two together. "Okay, what the heck is with you guys? I saw you both get back from your little adventure together and then you parted ways without even a smile to each other. Did something happen?" Rocky was taken aback at first. For being someone who has barely spoken to me and hardly knows me, you're awfully nosey.

"Nothing happened Marshall," he lied. "I'm sure we're both just tired so let us sleep."

The white pup wasn't buying it. "Zuma was really excited to take you wherever you guys went today, you know. He wouldn't stop talking about getting to spend time with you this morning... now he won't even come out for dinner."

Rocky felt even more guilt than before. It clawed at him like a rabid animal inside. Zuma really had the whole day planned out for us... He was all excited to spend time with me and talk to me but I completely ruined it.

Marshall sighed in defeat when he realized he wasn't going to get anywhere. "Fine then, don't tell me... You better not have hurt him, he really likes you, Rocky." The mix winced again at those words. He had heard enough. "Go eat with your friends, Marshall. You actually belong up there with them, so go."

After Rocky had dismissed his company, he settled himself down on the bed that the boy had set up for him days ago when he first arrived. The bed felt different though, as though it wasn't his to sleep on. As though he no longer deserved it. Why am I still here anyways? I'm taking up their time and food and I'm not even helpful. First I ruined a mission and then I broke one of their hearts. I don't have any right to be here anymore.

Rocky fished around for the black box he had brought from his shelter. He opened it and pulled out the photo of him and his brother, lovingly brushing his paw over it. "I wish you were still here, Axel." The mix spoke quietly to himself. "I really miss you... you always knew what to do. I remember back when Jessica and Ben died. We almost had a new home with that officer, but you said we couldn't do that because you were tired of getting broken and let down by everyone... I didn't know it back then, but you were trying to do what was best and now I think I understand. If everyone I get close to is gonna leave me, why keep trying? Mom and dad left us, Jess and Ben died...then you died."

The photo became blurry and distorted from the tears building in his eyes. "There's no reason to keep latching on to hope in others when they're just gonna abandon me, or worse, die. Francois almost did because of me. The Paw Patrol doesn't need that... Zuma doesn't need that." Rocky's thoughts began to drift back to the kiss from earlier. "You were right though, Zuma. I did kiss you back... But that part of me was the part that thought there was a chance I could stay and actually have a life here. I'm gonna make sure that part doesn't hurt or burden anyone else ever again."

Rocky tucked the photo back into the box and closed his weary eyes for the night.

"I'm leaving Adventure Bay."

*Author's Note- Hey, everyone:) Long time since I've updated, I know. I'm so grateful for the patience you've had. With school, work, and a million other things I keep forgetting but there's good news as well. Over the next few days, I'll be posting all the chapters up here for you all! I only have one more to write and add to Wattpad before my story is officially done, so until then I'll be posting every single other one here to catch all you lovely people back up. I love you guys and I hope you love what's to come (very soon) with my story.

-Phoenix