Hey guys! Did all of you guys get snow this past week like I did? I literally had no school for the first half of the week, it was amazing. Is everyone excited for Valentine's Day? I'm not even dating anyone but for some reason I'm super excited this year, probs cause I'm a hopeless romantic lol. Remember, it's about all types of love, not just romantic! Anyway, enough with me blabbering, let's get into some reviews!

Eliza Bea- DAVIN AND LILY ARE SO CUTE I CAN'T HANDLE IT! This was an amazing lighthearted chapter, great job! I had an idea for something that could happen in the future. As an end of the year field trip, Lily's class and their families get a free visit to the Capitol, along with a trip to The Games museum. It would be your job to write from there, but it was just an idea I had! I'll be counting down until February 6th, keep being such an amazing writer!

Thank you, I love them too! And that's actually a really great idea, tysm, I'll definitely keep it in mind for way down the line in future chapters!

Zzzarsa- Maybe after finishing the first hunger games they watch the victory tour so they understand how the rebellion started and how cruel the old Panem was. For example: they can watch the old man in 11 get shot after whistling Rue's tune. And another thing u could write is how they broadcasted whippings and then they accidentally come across a tape where Gale and Katniss get whipped. I absolutely love your writing. I've been following this story ever since Chapter 1 came out and it's the best. NEVER STOP WRITING

I was actually thinking about that! Cause I'm sure the tour was being broadcast to at least Snow, right? So a recording has to exist somewhere. We'll see in the future I guess, and thank you so much for staying with me this whole time, it means so much to me!

Guest- I really loved the moment between Lily and Devin. I really hope they stay together because I like Adrain more as a friend to Lily then as a boyfriend. Now that Devin knows everything, do you think they may watch the Quarter Quell together? Peeta being terrified that he scared off Lily breaks my heart! How could you do this to me?!

I love Devin and Lily together, but it's possible there might be some drama coming up that involves Adrian, who really knows haha. But yea, Devin might get roped into the group, but how would Adrian feel about that? And yes, as much as it hurts me to put the love of my life, Peeta Mellark, in pain, Lily needed to witness first hand the pain that he is in, as he's been keeping it hidden from her for way too long.

And now, onto the story!

~Jillian

Xoxo

(Katniss' POV)

Peeta didn't go into work today.

After we said our goodbyes to Kaden as he ran off with some friends to play, he called the bakery to let them know they could close up early. And then he just walked quietly upstairs, and shut himself away in his art studio.

It's been hours, but I know he's still torn apart over what happened between him and Lily this morning. Well he may have felt the beginnings of an episode in front of our children, he's always, always, managed to get away and calm himself down, or wait for me to talk him out of a particularly bad one. But now, he's been exposed, his walla completely blown apart without his permission. And it's devastated him.

Peeta has always been there for his children. The strong, affectionate father, he never had and always wanted. But just like me, he never took the steps to divulge his past. It was just too painful. But now, that choice to do things at his own pace has been taken away from him. Where my pain has been almost completely broadcast for the world to see, the months of his life that were hardest involved him being hidden away in a Capitol cell, only released to be used as a puppet for Snow or to be tortured. As terrible as it has been, Lily has learned the majority of her knowledge of the Hunger Games through the tapes. I've had to recount nearly nothing, as it's all there for her to see.

But his imprisonment.

Not even I know all that took place. I feel sick even thinking about it. The brainwashing, the beatings, starvation. And he's never said why out loud, but as we recovered together, it was hard for him to get intimate with me. He'd recoil or shrink back in fear.

And to have to speak about that kind of pain with his own daughter… my heart aches for him.

Hopefully, it won't come to that, at least not anytime soon. Lily admitted she hadn't even finished our first Games, so it's likely it's going to be a bit more time before she asks about what happened to us after the Quarter Quell.

A sound from above shakes me from my thoughts. Peeta's always heavy footsteps signal that he's emerging for the first time this afternoon. I rise slowly from my comfortable spot on the couch, placing the notepad I have been mindlessly scribbling on to the side. It's a habit I've formed in the past few weeks, jotting down thoughts or even just taking out my anger on the paper, practically ripping the page with the tip of the pencil.

I cross my arms nervously, going to meet Peeta as he walks down the steps. He smells of acrylic paint, the proof of his work being the multicolored stains that decorate his hands. He stops right in front of me, head down, not meeting my eyes.

I click my tongue at his behavior, reaching up to brush his hair out of his eyes. I take a second to pick a bit of dried paint out of a curl, but it's just enough time for his eyes to reach my face. I drop my hand a bit, choosing to instead cup his face as I force a small smile.

He doesn't need to speak for me to hear him. The lines on his face deepen in emotion. A slight quiver in the corner of his upper lip. The blue irises that stand out even more against the pale red that surrounds them. I can practically hear his rising heartbeat, so I take my hand and place it in his chest in an attempt to soothe him. It doesn't work.

Peeta lets out a huff of air, and that's when the dam breaks. Tears well up in his eyes, and his lips shake in his efforts to keep them from running down his face. I stand on my toes and gently push his head into the crook of my neck, hugging him to me. The weak sigh that escapes him has his knees buckling, and I lower us both down.

Suddenly I'm 18 again, holding Peeta in an eerily similar position after a particularly bad flashback. He had briefly forgotten the events of the war, and I had to confirm that, "My family is safe," wasn't real.

Peeta's cries are not as awful as they were then, but it still tears me apart. We sit at the foot on the stairs, holding tightly onto each other, Peeta's sniffles being the only sound in our otherwise silent house.

"Oh Peeta," I whisper, speaking for the first time, "it's gonna be okay. We're gonna be okay."

He pulls away from me, sitting limply in my arms. "I don't know how I'm gonna do this, Katniss," he admits. "I can't- I can barely speak to you about what happened there. How will I-" his voice brakes, cutting off his voice.

"I know," I mumble, taking his hands in mine. "But I'm going to be there the entire time, if you want me to be." I take his lack of response as a cue to keep talking. "Peeta, Lily loves you more than anything. She's always been a daddy's girl, you know she adores you." Peeta's eye sparkles with affection for a moment, before other thoughts consume the love. "She'll understand if you have to wait to talk about this."

Peeta's head nods slowly, and I breathe a sigh of relief that my words are finally bringing him some comfort. "Hey," I say, sticking my face in his line of vision. His eyes snap to mine, looking clearer than before, though still quite saddened. "I love you," I remind him, a now genuine smile finding its way onto my face.

Peeta's eyes brighten, a tired, reluctant grin, taking the place of his frown. "And I love you. Thank you Katniss," he says, leaning forward to place a tender kiss on my forehead.

Giving his hand a squeeze, I smirk, "So can we get up off the floor? The step is jabbing into my back."

It's nice to see him laugh.

(Lily's POV)

"You kissed him?!"

Celia's scream of excitement has me covering my ears in self-preservation. "Celia," I plead, giggling, "quiet down!" She's practically jumping up and down, making the springs of her bed sing in protest.

"AHHHH!" She yells again, making me laugh despite myself. Celia's mom calls out to us to see what was going on, which only makes us laugh harder, falling over ourselves in a fit.

"Okay okay," Celia says breathily, trying to calm herself down. I do the same, only to find myself in a bear hug, Celia's voice squeaking in my ear, "This is so exciting!"

"Hahahaha I know!" I reply, reciprocating the hug.

"So you kissed him, practically went on a date, and you had a really emotional conversation with him? How can you not be boyfriend and girlfriend already?" She asks, throwing up her hands in exasperation. I can't help the secretive smirk that graces my face, and Celia reads me easily.

"Did he-?!"

My resolve disappears, "He asked me to be his girlfriend!"

"LILY!" Celia gasps, face so genuinely happy for me it makes me blush. Her pale blue eyes shine as she reaches out to me once again, this time calm and serious, but practically glowing. "You deserve this Lily." Celia leans in close to me, placing a hand on each of my shoulders. "I really think he'll be good for you. He'll… help make you happy."

Any giddiness I was feeling before evaporates, and I suddenly find myself feeling very focused. Focused on Celia, and her choice of words. "Make me happy?" I say, confused. "I am happy, Celia."

I can tell she doesn't believe me, as her eyes take on that look. A look that reads, 'you just don't understand, do you?'

"Are you Lily? Are you really?" She asks, concern etched in her face,

I open my mouth to tell her, yes, of course I'm happy. I have my family, my friends, Devin, why wouldn't I be happy? I want to tell her. But I can't. Because my family is falling apart. I thought things were getting better, but this time it was me who's ruined everything. My friends are unstable with drama. Every day seems to provide a new obstacle that we have to deal with. And Devin… well he's perfect. But the tense relationship between our parents has not helped in ending my restless nights.

So instead of telling her, I am, in fact, happy, I sit there on her bed, mouth gaping like a fish, having nothing to say.

"It's perfectly understandable," Celia reassures, "with so many awful things coming to light, it's no surprise you've been hurt. It's natural. But Lily," Celia cups my face, reminding me of my mother, "Just because it's natural doesn't mean you deserve it."

I swallow hard, not able to get rid of the lump that's appeared in my throat.

"Celia…" I croak, shaking my head, "Something happened this morning. Before Devin. I- I did something."

She pulls back slightly in confusion, "What are you talking about?"

I sigh, falling back against the bed, "I told you that I ran to Devin this morning, but I didn't tell you what I was running from."

Celia falls back to lie next to me, and I feel her eyes on the side of my face, burning. "Talk to me, Lily."

I blow air through my lips and look to the ceiling. "I couldn't sleep last night," I begin, "before I knew it, the sun was up. So I got up, made myself some tea, and went out to watch the sunrise."

"That sounds… nice actually. Why would that upset you?"

I smile sarcastically, "Well, you gotta let me finish Celia."

"Sorry."

"Anyway," I laugh lightly, "I went outside and saw my Grandpa on his back porch."

"Your Grandpa Haymitch?"

"Yea, he's always been a bit of an early riser… I found out he was in a Hunger Games."

"No!" Celia gasps, sitting up on her elbows.

"Yup, the 50th Hunger Games… he was 16, same age my parents were when they were reaped. We talked about what being a mentor meant. I didn't understand. So when I came back inside, the Games were on my mind. Of course, my dad was up and baking, which didn't help."

"Did you bring them up to him? The Games?"

"I couldn't help it," I huff, frustrated, "and then he asked me if I had any questions! I couldn't resist."

"Oh Lily," Celia groans, seeing where this is going, "what did you say?"

"I may have... brought up the fact… that my mom didn't love him-"

"Lily! You told your own father that his wife didn't love him?!" Celia gasps, looking at me in disbelief.

"I didn't mean now!" I clarify, feeling horrified at the concept. I know most children grow up believing their parents were soulmates, but I'm one of the only ones who are right in that belief. Anyone who laid eyes on my parents could see how much they cared about each other, understood one another, and loved each other entirely. But it obviously wasn't always that way.

"My mom didn't love my dad for years. He went into the Games willing to give up his own life for someone he wasn't even with." I bite my lip hard, almost painfully, relieving the anger I felt this morning.

"I see… so you reminded him that she didn't love him like he did when they went into the Hunger Games."

"Right," I confirm, nodding my head slightly. "But then, the strangest thing happened," I say, turning my head to face her. One of her eyebrows quirks up in confusion. My mouth suddenly dries up, and every time I swallow, it feels like cotton is filling my throat. I sit up, body stiff, and Celia follows my lead, mumbling questions that I don't hear.

"My dad…"

In my memory, I see him once again. My father, looking at me with such fear and confusion that it had me stumbling back.

"...the way he looked at me…"

He was scared of me. Me. His own daughter.

"...it was with such fear, that I felt sick…"

But it wasn't me, was it? He was looking at me, but was he seeing me?

"...he was yelling at me...pleading with me to stay away from him…"

What was it that he was experiencing? And what happened to him to make him that way?

"...it was as if he was seeing something else entirely, and was utterly petrified of them."

Celia says nothing for a few moments, the gears turning in her head. "Lily… that sounds like a form of PTSD."

"What?" I ask, confused.

"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, it's a mental disorder that can develop after a traumatic event. I'd say your dad definitely qualifies," she answers smartly, running her hands through her hair, the way she always does when she's nervous. "You must have triggered it when you mentioned your mom. Maybe it brought him back to that time? In the arena?"

I nod, but I'm unsure. The Hunger Games had to have been traumatic, but from what I've seen, nothing has made him so outwardly fearful. No one has made him cower like that.

"I don't know, maybe?" I finally say, but I'm anything but convinced. If anything, this heavy conversation has provided more questions than answers. "Maybe…"

(Katniss' POV)

"Haymitch!" I shout, throwing open his front door in a flash. Haymitch is sitting at his kitchen table, nursing a small bowl, of what smells like, beef stew.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" He asks, throwing down his spoon in annoyance. "Why are you always just walking in here like you own the place?"

"Not the point!" I march angrily towards him, until I'm standing right in front of where he sits. "What did you say to my daughter?"

Haymitch raises his eyebrows in amusement, and the hint of laughter that I see in his eyes only increases my frustration. "What do you mean?"

"You spoke to Lily this morning? What did you say to her?"

Haymitch leans back slowly, crossing his arms defiantly in front of him, "Why do you care?" He's almost smiling now, which infuriates me.

"You said something to Lily this morning that made her talk to Peeta about the Games!" I'm yelling now, my voice hoarse and scratchy. "What did you say to my daughter that caused her to send Peeta into a flashback!"

Any hint of a smile is wiped off his face, and Haymitch becomes alert. He looks like he did when he was still my mentor.

"Peeta went into a flashback?"

"Yes! He went into a flashback in front of Lily!" My anger breaks, and I practically fall into the seat next to him, cradling my head in my hands. "This has never happened before!" I rant, shooting Haymitch a tearful glare, seeing he is watching me worriedly. "And on top of everything else, god! It's really sending us over the edge, Haymitch."

"I believe you kid." Haymitch croaks, wiping a hand across his face. "But I didn't say anything to Lily that I thought would do any harm. I promise sweetheart, I was trying to help."

I pull away from my hands, slouching in the uncomfortable chair. "So what did you say?" I shrug.

"She asked how I became your mentor in the Games. I told her. I was reaped for the 50th Hunger Games. I figured that was all she needed to know, so that's all I told her."

I bit my lip and shake my head, trying to stop the tears. "He had to ask me if I loved him."

Haymitch lets out a groan, avoiding my gaze. "Where is he now?" He mumbles.

"He called Annie. She's the only one who understands what it's like… to not know what's real and what's not real sometimes." This thought is bittersweet. While I'm grateful Peeta has someone who understands what he went through and has bonded over this, the way I have with Haymitch and Peeta, I wish I could be there for him with this. Where he finds comfort in my arms, he will never find a complete understanding. I wasn't there. I wasn't there when he needed me.

"I wish I had been there with him," I whisper, staring at the scratches on the wooden table. To my great surprise, I feel the warmth of a large, calloused hand, cover my own. My eyes shoot up to him, wide and glassy.

"I don't, sweetheart. Then I could have lost both my kids."

"Oh Haymitch," I cry, leaning forward and pulling him into one of our extremely rare hugs. We stay that way for a moment or two, gently rocking back and forth, before he whispers, "What a bunch of softies we've become, huh?"

I make a strange sound, something between a laugh and sob, as I pull back away from him, wiping at my eyes. "I blame Peeta."

Haymitch barks out a laugh, "Me too."

I stumble back home, trying to shake off the energy from Haymitch's. I spot Kaden waiting on the front steps, bouncing his leg up and down in a similar manner to how I do when I'm anxious.

"Kaden?" I call out, drawing his attention. The second he sees me, his face melts into a state of relief, and he bounds towards me. "Woah!" I yelp, after I'm practically tackled by my 12-year-old son. I wrap my arms around his shoulders as he hides his face in my neck. I even feel his shuddering breaths against my skin as I hold him close.

"Kaden, what's wrong?" I ask, petting his head soothingly.

He doesn't answer, choosing instead to whine and hold me tighter. Smiling to myself, secretly pleased Kaden still finds comfort in his mom, I allow myself to hold on for just a few moments longer.

Unfortunately, the moments pass way too quickly for my liking, and I force myself to pull him away from me so I can see his face. His eyes are clouded, the gray storm clouds ever so similar to mine, and his pale face is flushed with nerves and worry.

"Did something happen? Did someone hurt you?" I ask. I've always worried my kids would be bullied at school, especially Kaden. I know when I was growing up, not all the district kids welcomed boys with a gentler nature, like Kaden. But the shake of his head dismisses that thought. For now at least.

"Well, did someone threaten to hurt you?"

Another shake of the head, no.

"Did they make fun of you, call you names?"

Another shake, no.

"Then, what is it Kadey?" I ask curiously, placing a hand on my hip.

I see Kaden battle with himself, avoiding my eyes, as his own flit around. His lips form into a straight line, and I think he might even be clenching his jaw.

"Kaden…?"

"It wasn't about me mom, not really. And it wasn't my friends." Kaden drags his feet back over to the front steps, sitting down sloppily.

"Then, who was it?" I ask, plopping down next to him on the cold stone steps.

"Well, it was the older kids. You know, around Lily's age." Kaden's previously nervous demeanor has given way to a more uncomfortable attitude. He seems to almost be shrinking away from me now, when not two minutes ago he didn't seem to want to leave my embrace.

"...and? What were they bothering you about?"

Kaden swallows, turning away from me and hiding his face against the railing. I can practically see his mind working, trying to make up his mind about something.

"Kaden?"

He takes a deep breath, and looks at me. The question in his eyes is contradicted by the grimace that suggests he doesn't really want to know the answer. But then he opens his mouth, as asks-

"Mom… what are the Hunger Games?"

Xoxo

Oh wow, okay, this was kind of short. Sorry practically this entire chapter was a bit of a downer, it just kind of came out that way. Don't worry though, we'll get back to the tapes sooner rather than later. Until then, make sure the review to let me know what you thought of this chapter, and follow to keep up with future updates. The next chapter should be up by February 20th!