A little warning ahead. Tissue alert toward the end.
Chapter 10: A huge mistake
As April rolled around, they started doing more interesting and informative things in Sex Ed class. Soon Bella was the one wanting to quit. Edward was paying far too much attention to everything the teacher said and even attempting to practice once they went to her house.
For instance, he was determined to prove her that what happened a month ago in his bathroom was an accident. She knew they'd get there eventually. The tension had been building and he was a teenage boy, after all.
His wet, insistent kisses covered her throat as she worked on his shirt. They kept getting more physical since the bathroom incident and she wasn't complaining. This type of contact required that she had fed recently, which he seemed only too eager to offer himself to her. Bella still couldn't wrap her head around how selfless he could be.
"Ahh," Bella moaned quietly when he traced her hard nipple with his thumb. She was rewarded with his huge smile and another hungry kiss. "Be careful," she murmured, not wanting him to hurt himself accidentally.
Bella took his shirt off carefully, and after slowly getting his skin used to her cold hands, she started exploring. He always moaned and bucked his hips into hers when she got too close to his pants. She knew that today something was going to change; he seemed like a man on a mission as he sucked at her bottom lip and groped her breasts.
"Edward!" she shouted, surprised when he ripped her shirt and lowered his head to lick her chest. He only moaned and pressed his body further into hers. "You don't want this," she warned him, knowing he wasn't going to stop this time.
She had to ground him, to keep his focus on the danger.
"Of course I want this! I've waited so damn long," he hissed and kissed the swell of her right breast. "You're so beautiful."
"Edward, we're on my couch!" She tried to make him see sense.
"I'm not a girl! I don't freaking need balloons and roses!" His green eyes were slightly dilated as they bore into hers. "I just need you, Bella. I want this. Please."
"Edward…"
"Don't back out. Not now, Bella. Please, love," he begged, putting his hands over her cheeks. "I love you. You won't hurt me. I'll let you drink if it makes you feel better, but please."
Why could she never say no when he begged? Bella felt drunk with his tantalizing scent as it became more and more potent with his arousal. It was going to be the most difficult thing she'd done so far, but she wanted this as much as he did.
Edward unzipped her jeans and pulled them down, sucking in a breath when the panties caught in them and left her bare. She had seen him naked a fair share of times, but he hadn't had the privilege of seeing her naked in return – just her chest, a few times.
"Edward, breathe," she reminded him, touching his cheek.
He took his eyes off her lower half and met her eyes. His green ones were shining with happiness. "You're gorgeous." She smiled and was happy she couldn't blush. "Can I try…"
"NO!" Bella shouted, catching his wrist. "I don't know what happens…if you touch me there."
"I hate to break it to you, but I will eventually touch you…there. A lot," he whispered, grinning, his face glowing like Rudolph's nose.
"Not skin on skin. Never. I use a condom," she told him, realizing then that they didn't have one.
He rolled his eyes. "Are you for real? The only girl that can't get pregnant and she wants a condom?"
"Edward! I have no idea what my venom can do to your skin!"
They were killing the mood, but maybe it was for the best.
"It doesn't do anything! You lick me all the time!"
He had a point, thought she doubted he could have phrased it any more bluntly.
"Let me try please. If something happens, I swear to take my hand away," he whispered, drawing small circles on her tummy. When Bella didn't answer, he took it as a yes and moved his hand lower.
"Argh!" She couldn't help it. Edward shot up and folded his hands on his lap, watching her warily. When he realized she was laughing at him, he slapped the cushion at her head.
"You scared the crap out of me." His heart was beating out of his chest as he glared.
"You were concentrating so hard, I couldn't help it," she giggled and moved to undo his pants.
"Argh!" He mocked her, flailing his arms over his head. "If I knew you would feel it, I'd hurt you, Bella," he muttered jokingly.
"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart, I thought it was funny," she whispered, helping him out of his pants and boxers, following his lead.
"Holy shit!" He exclaimed, scooting back and sitting on her knees. "I have no idea what I'm doing."
"Like I do," she told him, amused.
"You know more."
"I never loved my partners, so I never cared if they ended up hurt in the process." She knew she had crushed bones, bruised bodies or done who knows what else to those poor humans that ended up as her prey.
Edward smiled and leaned to kiss her, his hand going back to the bundle of nerves between her thighs, spurring new feelings inside Bella. She had never been touched like this, so caring and loving and gentle. She tried to be equally gentle as she wound her fingers in his hair, keeping his head close to hers to kiss him more deeply and adventuring to licking his bottom lip. He responded enthusiastically, bringing his own tongue out, making her gasp for air she didn't need. His middle finger probed around her folds, toying at her entrance before going in slowly. He quickly added another finger and curled them, scratching her walls, making her want to let herself enjoy this without thinking of anything else, but she had to be very careful of any change.
"Edward!" Bella moaned as she felt her orgasm approaching. She always panicked, aware she could hurt him in those few seconds she was on cloud nine. He didn't even blink, moving his lips down to her chest, to her stomach. She had to stop him, at the same time knowing that couldn't be right – from doing what he wanted, but she was coming undone and there was no way she could stop him now. She felt his lips there and her eyes rolled in the back of her head.
Don't hurt him, Bella. Look at him. Don't hurt him. She kept chanting in her head.
"Oh…Ah…Ow..."
The last moan made her eyes open wide. Her legs were wrapped around his neck as he looked at her sheepishly. His hair was sticking in every direction and his eyes were sparkling with mischief.
"You're going to get yourself killed one day, Edward!" She scolded him and let her legs fall to either side of him, hugging him to her chest. "Did I hurt you badly?"
"Nope, I'm good. But what a way to go," he mused, turning his head to peck her lips.
"Insane," she confirmed. She made a personal effort to keep him alive every day, and he didn't care about his safety at all.
He shrugged and squirmed. "Can I…?"
"Do you really have a death wish?" she asked amused.
"Oh, you can be all cheery after coming, but I'm still suffering." He pouted and widened his eyes.
Bella kissed him, lifting her legs and then gently guiding him inside her. His eyes grew wider, if possible, and his breath came in short pants. Edward caught her shoulders and watched her, a little scared as he inched deeper.
"Are you okay? Am I hurting you?" she asked anxiously.
He nodded wildly then shook his head, biting his lip. His warm, sweet breath washed over her face as she tried to figure out what was going on since he wasn't talking. He was so hot, making her feel like she was burning from the inside – reminding her of her transformation – but this was a thousand times more pleasant. He moved out, then back in, slowly, repeating the process a few times. Bella started building for another release. Edward's hands cupped her face, his thumbs stroking her cheeks as he looked at her so lovingly she thought her heart would split in two. She could feel his love as he moved in her gently, as if it was possible for him to hurt her.
Bella was afraid to actually touch him anywhere so she kept her hands locked loosely around his waist. When she knew she was seconds away from her release, she turned her head to the side, but that resulted in more burning at her throat since his wrist was right here.
"Edward," she breathed. "I need you to move your hands away."
"No," he panted. "You need this."
"Edwaaarrd," she moaned, arching her back. Her vision clouded, she clenched her jaw, stopped breathing in a vain attempt to keep him safe. She felt his hips slapping against hers as he moaned her name loudly, a few times.
She opened her eyes and saw his exposed neck, not even an inch away. NO! Bella shouted at the monster. She put a hand over his neck, blocking the view. His eyes snapped open and looked down. She had no idea what he was seeing, but for the first time, he looked scared.
"Bella…it's me," he said shakily. "Umm, you don't want to do that."
She felt her nails pushing into his thin skin and all too soon, she inhaled his amazing blood as it oozed out and she had to taste it.
"BELLA!" Edward yelled. "Bella, please! I love you."
Her eyes met his and in that second, she saw everything clearly. The raw panic in his green eyes was enough to make her push him off her body. His heart had never beat as fast as in that moment.
"Leave. Now," she said urgently. Her voice sounded dangerous even to her ears.
"Uhhh…"
"NOW, Edward! Leave!" She shouted, panicked.
Bella had never seen him move so fast. In less than a minute, he was dressed and out of her house. A part of her wanted to make sure he got out of the forest safely, but another part wanted to follow him for a much darker reason.
She wrapped the shredded shirt around her and curled on the couch. How could I hurt him?
Bella wanted to hurt herself for the danger she had put him in. She had known this could happen and she encouraged him to continue. She knew how frenzied the monster could get in the throes of passion and she still told Edward yes. Why?
She pulled at her hair and pushed the heels of her palms in her eyes wishing the stupid tears would fall, but nothing alleviated the pain. Never had she wanted the tears to fall as much as she did now. Never had she wanted to be human as much as she did now.
Bella was sure she had lost Edward after what had happened. No human in their right mind would come back, not even him. It hit her like an EF5 tornado.
She had lost her life. Her reason to exist. Her everything. He was gone.
Everything seemed so unimportant, meaningless. She couldn't live without him, without her heart, her life. He had brightened her days and nights since she'd met him. She couldn't just give up, but she had to. She had to resign herself because of her actions. There was only one option: to leave. Fast. Very fast. Before the wolves caught wind of what had happened, but on second thought, letting them have a piece of her might not be a bad idea. She deserved to be a little shaken up.
She couldn't leave. She couldn't move. Her feet wouldn't cooperate. She couldn't stir from the couch. It still smelled like Edward, like them.
Bella was vaguely aware of light coming and going from the windows, but didn't care how many days passed or what day it was. Eventually, she had to admit to herself what had happened and to leave town. He wasn't coming back. He would have if he wanted. His vivid green eyes kept haunting her behind her closed lids.
Sometime later, her door was shattered and she jumped up, alert and ready to attack if that was the case. A wolf was here. The stench gave him away. When she saw the person in the doorway, Bella froze and realized this was the end. She was here to kill her.
"How could you hurt him?" Leah yelled, every fiber of her body convulsing.
Bella didn't answer, but bowed her head in shame. She'd allow Leah to do whatever she wanted.
"Answer me! I thought you loved him! I understood and stepped aside!" The wolf kept yelling.
"Of course I love him, you idiot! But…I understand why he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore," she finished in a whisper.
"Are you insane, bloodsucker? He hasn't left his room in a fucking month! A MONTH! I don't know what you've done in all this time, but you better get your stinking ass over there before I rip it off! He is not the same person anymore!"
Bella blinked, trying to comprehend what Leah was telling her. A month? But when? Had she sat on her couch for a month? And why hadn't Edward gone to school? What had happened? What did she miss? Could he still feel something for her? She could see her subconscious scowling at her foolish thought.
"Do you have problems understanding? Should I use small words? You nearly killed him when you told him to leave! When you didn't return! When you didn't answer the phone!"
Bella's head snapped up and she watched Leah terrified. What have I done?
Bella was on autopilot as she put a dress on, and after another glance at Leah, she was out the door – or what had once been a door. She didn't care this was one of the five sunny days Forks got in a year, she didn't care about anything but seeing Edward, making it better.
Bella arrived at his front door, staying just inside the shadow and knocked. He was there, she could hear it, and for the first time, she couldn't use his window. He was alone and probably sleeping despite for being so early, but she kept knocking. She heard his heavy footsteps on the stairs and his heart hammering in his chest. The closer he came, the stronger his scent became, and she'd nearly forgotten how difficult it was to be around him. Bella had ruined everything in every sense of that word. She had to get used to him again, that was if he allowed her near him again. In either case, she would need to feed soon.
Her knuckles seemed unstoppable as they kept rapping on the door.
"Hold on!" Edward yelled. "Who the fuck comes over so early, anyway?" he grumbled and unlocked the door.
Her hand wouldn't cooperate as he opened the door and she knocked on his head. Bella willed her arm to go down as Edward gaped at her, breathing in big pants.
She almost couldn't recognize him. He had lost weight, a lot of weight. His hair was longer, nearly shoulder length as his green eyes were hollow, set deep in his head. Huge dark shadows under them showed everyone how little sleep he got. She could see the scars on his neck and they made her sick.
After the initial shock wore off, he slammed the door in her face. She stared at the closed door, unable to comprehend what he'd done.
"Edward," she whispered and pressed her forehead to the door. "Please…I have some explanations."
"I don't need anything from you." His voice was bleak and husky.
"Edward, sweetheart, I'm begging you, please," she pleaded with him.
The door was snatched open and he glared at her, shoving his finger in front of her face. She eyed it dubiously.
"Don't you fucking dare call me 'sweetheart'! You lost that right a long time ago!"
And the door closed again.
"I understand. I am… sorry." She didn't manage to finish the word when the door opened again. This was ridiculous, he'd destroy the door.
"Sorry?" He thundered. "Do you expect me to believe that?"
"YES! I was the stupid one!"
"Oh, I get it," he drawled. "The 'it's not you, it's me' speech."
"Edward," Bella growled. "I should have never have allowed you to go further than…the fingers…thing," she mumbled embarrassed.
"We both agreed to try!"
"And look how that worked out!" she snapped.
"What do you want, Bella?" He asked, sighing and leaning against the doorframe. She felt a soft warm buzzing inside her as he said her name.
She caught herself leaning closer, and closing her eyes as she inhaled his overwhelming scent.
Edward jumped on the worst conclusion possible. "Oh, I get it. You're thirsty."
"Wh…" She frowned, unable to finish the word at how shocked she was.
"I can see it. Dark circles under your eyes, black eyes, eyeing me as if I'm a piece of meat."
"That's not true!" She retorted loudly although he hadn't raised his voice. He had just stated those things.
"Which one isn't true?" He asked, sarcastically.
"Edward, I hadn't moved until a few minutes ago. I haven't moved from my couch in a month."
"Why should I believe you?"
"Because I suffered and I wished I was the only one suffering."
"News flash! I loved you more than the air I breathed, Bella! I felt like suffocating when I realized you weren't coming back to me, when…you didn't come to school, when…I called with no answer, when-" His voice cracked as big tears rolled from his eyes.
"Edward," she breathed and took a step closer.
"Don't come any closer!"
Bella bit her lip and remained with a foot suspended in the air. "I had no idea a month had passed, not until Leah came to me."
"Leah?" He asked surprised, meeting her eyes.
"Yes, she came to me and…"
"I told her to stop meddling! I thought…everyone was happy now."
She didn't understand him right away, but she saw his ears turning red. It was her turn to feel like suffocating. Had Leah lied to her? Actually, she had, because she told her he hadn't left his room when he had gone to school. He had tried living his life, unlike her. She had lost all notion of time when she thought she'd lost him.
"Leah? Leah, Edward? Why would you do that to me?" She cried out, her throat feeling raw.
"I thought…I was sure you left! And she…we…" He gulped and averted his eyes. "I thought at least someone should be happy."
My selfless boy. "I never left my couch," Bella repeated. "Then…why did she come to me?" That was the mysterious part.
"Probably because she got tired of being with the living dead – no pun intended." He shot her a weak half smile.
"Oh, Edward!" Bella moaned and wrapped her arms around his neck. He stiffened a little before wrapping his long arms around her waist.
He chuckled in her hair. "I wish I could lift you and twirl you around. God, how I missed you, Bella!"
"I wish you could, too." She found herself whispering in his ear.
There were applause from behind then and Bella decided it was time to visit a vampire doctor if something like that existed. She always got lost in Edward and wasn't aware of her surroundings.
They turned around and saw Jacob, Leah and another young boy, probably Seth, clapping, smiling, and in Jacob's case, whistling loudly.
Edward's face flushed red as if on command and she couldn't hide her giggles. She was buoyant. When she felt his hand on the small of her back, urging her outside, she shook her head violently.
"I'd rather not," she whispered.
"Oh, please, I want to know what the elders were talking about when they said you could sparkle!" The one she thought was Seth whined.
However, Bella didn't pay him much attention. Leah was watching her intently and Bella nodded almost imperceptibly to Edward, at least. Leah cocked her head, looking between Edward and Bella then sighed loudly and turned around, about to leave.
"No, you don't!" Edward shouted. "Was this some plot to get me back to Bella?" He asked, annoyed.
She turned around, glancing at Jacob then looking at Edward. "Not really. I honestly thought I could change your mind. It proved harder than I thought. It was like…I was trying to prove you…" She stopped talking, frowning. "Okay, I'll make a stupid comparison, but it's the only thing I can think of. It was like I was telling you all the flowers are the same without knowing you had edelweiss."
Bella felt her mouth opening in surprise. This was Leah's way of saying that she gave up and that she understood how much they loved each other. She had tried and failed and, in the process, she realized what Bella meant to Edward.