Chapter Nine Playlist:
•Wonderful Wonderful ~ The Killers
•Quiet ~ MILCK

Note:

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After Johanna had left Salem, she expected almost immediately that her journey would be a total disaster; given that she hadn't lived in New York since she was nine. Preparing for the worst, having her leave-me-the-hell-alone glare ready, Johanna remained on guard; despite things going smoothly. So far, there were no rowdy, drunk people trying to bother Johanna, suspicious figures following her, or too many rats scurrying in the streets. Man... now she remembered just how much she hated the rats, but forgot how many there were. Particularly those that lingered in the subway, under the train tracks! Ew.

Everything still looking the same —as if nothing had ever changed since the last time Johanna and her mother lived in New York— Johanna now felt, somewhat, like she fit in, once again, with everyone else; gradually remembering the area, and how to get around. Hidden amongst the crowds, blending in, Johanna was successful by not standing out or drawing attention to herself. She kept on moving and remained vigilant. Like a typical New Yorker, she smiled. Except that... unlike everyone else, Johanna didn't have a set destination in mind, much less a purpose.

What was she going to do now, not having any money, a job, or a decent place to stay? Especially in a place like New York, where someone like her —who, deep down, was still naïve to the "real world"— could get chewed up and spit out in a matter of minutes. Now, more than ever, she really needed to be wise and careful.

As Johanna began to wander aimlessly, internally struggling with her most recent decision —impulsively leaving the X Mansion... abandoning Logan— she eventually decided she was going to take a literal stroll down memory lane; visiting her old neighborhood in Queens. What would that accomplish? She didn't know. But frankly, Johanna couldn't even recognize herself anymore. All she saw looking back at her —in the murky puddles beneath her feet— was a wild and reckless hurricane, who had the ability to cause so much damage in just one blink, that before you know it, everything in its path is destroyed. Yeah. A total charmer she was.

For the first time since her mother was... murdered —even coming to terms with the fact that that actually happened, was a constant battle— Johanna could've finally gained some insight as to why she was now the most wanted person in the mutant-hate community. Or why she couldn't even remember anything after the incident —Orion intending to kill Johanna and then her blowing up. Not to mention —amidst the ceaseless, and quite confusing, chaos— Johanna almost having the possibility of gaining, at least, someone in her corner. An ally. A friend. Because with Lori dead —which was a major blow to the gut, that came at such an eerily, confusing time in her life— Johanna officially had no one. No. One. By her side.

Except for Logan.

Logan.

That tall, handsome man with thick, dark mutton chops, messy wavy hair, shiny claws and captivating golden eyes —which had the power to make all her worries suddenly disappear— had truly made himself permanently comfortable, somewhere, in her mind. Completely engrossed, Johanna couldn't stop thinking about him. And she also couldn't help but remember that torn look on his face, when she'd flung his keys at his chest. What she did, how she acted, was truly unforgettable. Unforgivable. Like a tragic scene in a movie, flashing before her eyes, Johanna couldn't help but feel ashamed. Because now, that moment will always be ingrained into her memory, making her stomach sink and her chest ache.

Gosh, Logan probably hated her by now, which made Johanna want to burst into tears. She couldn't even return to the school, even if she wanted to... and she did. She really did. But, how could he forgive her? Especially after acting like such a jerk. And to think, all Logan wanted to do, was try to help Johanna. And then offer to help her again. And then again.

Goodness, he was a saint, Johanna thought.

And what did she do to show her gratitude? Basically punch him in the face with insults and tell him off, like a madwoman. Like a douchebag. And even when Johanna experienced a minor panic attack as she left the school, desperately wanting to turn around, swallow her pride, and walk back... she just kept on marching away. Because yes, although she was headstrong and seemed independent on the surface... deep down, she didn't know what the hell she was doing, and therefore, Johanna let pride and fury blind her.

The story of my life, she mumbled bitterly.

...

Shockingly, in just a couple of hours, as she was able to experience and remember New York City to the fullest, Johanna had made the quickest conclusion: the city life —keeping up with the speedy momentum and all the glitz and glamor— a life she used to love and admire, was just too fast paced for her now —going against her longing for a much slower and peaceful lifestyle; most definitely spent snuggled up in a cabin somewhere in the mountains, sipping coffee and reading a good book. Was that too much to ask for? Apparently!

Rolling her eyes, Johanna stuffed her hands into her jacket pockets —as she waited for the bus to show up— desperately trying to shield them from the nippy weather. However, as her fingers nestled deep inside the soft fabric, Johanna had felt something she couldn't believe to be true. Money. Two one hundred dollar bills were safely secured inside both pockets. Which meant... that if she had decided to take Logan's cash, when he had initially offered, Johanna would've had twelve hundred dollars! Holy hell... she was an idiot! Gritting her teeth, Johanna kicked the light pole.

Johanna didn't care about the money, in all honesty. No. Now, she was beginning to fall for the man who cared so much about her, unconditionally, that he even had the decency to hide some money in her jacket!

Well... if she were smart... she'd use the money for food, and then force herself to go back. Because, if there was one thing that made Johanna uncomfortable, it was being in someone else's debt —more so, someone you care about. Or... in her case, starting to care about.

"Think of it as a loan, then." Logan's voice echoed, from their last conversation.

Okay... so even if it was a loan... the real question was... could Johanna muster up enough courage to return and face Logan? Because even if she did go back, there was no guarantee that he'd even want to see her again. And that would be utterly humiliating.

Paying for her bus pass, Johanna shook her head. Whatever spark they briefly shared, probably faded for Logan by now... at least, that's what Johanna believed, as she crossed her legs and sunk into the bus' hard, slippery orange seat; immediately getting lost in thought as her head rested against the window. What was she going to do? Where was she going to go, after her little field trip in Queens? How was she going to support herself? The same people that are after her, were probably still trying to hunt her down. How was she going to escape them? Keeping a low profile, focusing on not making any eye contact with other passengers, Johanna kept staring off into the distance. And eventually, as she arrived at her destination —in Middle Village— the sun gracefully setting, Johanna had felt numb towards everything. Though, she couldn't ignore the fact that she also felt horrible. And it was starting to physically hurt her.

As she walked around her old neighborhood, Johanna never realized how much she missed living there up until now, remembering the many fun days spent with her mom and Malakai —watching movies in Atlas Park, riding the subway, going to either Central Park or Times Square, and even attending public school; where the students had thick skin and talked like sailors and even the teachers taught like Drill Sergeants. Or the simple, sweeter memories, like waking up early in December —when the snow had just fallen, a pure white blanket covering the ground— and running in the empty streets; taking pictures and just appreciating the beauty that occurred before dawn. Or drinking authentic, New York coffee and eating proper, New York pizza; the slices always greasy and massive.

Bathing under the night lights, Johanna stopped in front of what used to be her favorite pizzeria. A pizzeria that was now a pub. Great. Just when life looks like it'll give you a pizza, you're offered alcohol instead —something Johanna wasn't even interested in... even though she had many reasons to drink. Sighing, she brushed past the young people smoking, laughing, and —of course— drinking; plopping herself onto a weathered barstool.

Almost immediately approaching Johanna, with a rag slung on his shoulder and a toothpick sticking out from the side of his mouth, Johanna couldn't help but admit that the bartender —who seemed really young to even be a bartender— was rather handsome. He had dark auburn hair, a sharp jaw, and pristine white teeth. Looking more closely, this young man resembled Logan almost to a T... almost. Apart from being slimmer and drastically shorter than Logan, the guy had the same Romanesque nose, stubble covering his cheeks, almond shaped eyes, and a charming smile. Though... if Johanna was being completely honest with herself... Logan was irreplaceable. Irresistible. A true diamond in the rough.

Which would explain why she didn't really enjoy chatting with the smug bartender, who called himself Mike. And, like always, Johanna didn't want to appear rude when he started casually asking her personal questions —like, what brought her to his bar, if she had a boyfriend, and why a girl like her was walking around the city alone. Ugh. Why did this always have to happen to her? Especially with guys she didn't like. Because apparently, one kind smile or a simple hello, meant "hey, I'm young and single. Please pester me by being weird and flirty —laughing at every little thing I say, regardless if it sounds funny or not." No, that's not what Johanna wanted. In fact, she wanted less attention brought on herself. Less!

"Can I please just have a burger and fries?" Johanna finally demanded, after Mike went on and on about how he really wanted to have a girlfriend, and that the other girls he's dated weren't right for him somehow, and how maybe tonight, he could get lucky and find the one. Realizing that his lines seemed to be too rehearsed, extremely cringey to continue paying attention, Johanna looked away; rolling her eyes. If the world was ending, and Mike happened to be the last guy on earth, she wouldn't even consider the thought of starting a new population with him; sparing humanity from jerks like Mike.

"Sorry, Sweetheart, I only serve drinks here."

Johanna clenched her jaw and narrowed her eyes. The only person who could call her Sweetheart, was Logan. And if Johanna didn't like Mike before, she really hated him now. Bar food. What kind of a bar, in New York, didn't serve bar food?!

"But if you want," Mike paused, interrupting her thoughts, "any drink is on the house. Especially for an angel like yourself."

Rolling her eyes, not wanting to die from starvation and dehydration, Johanna relented —like the sweet, pushover she was. "Fine, what do you recommend?" After a few nonalcoholic drinks, she could just leave and get a burger elsewhere.

"How about a Long Island Iced Tea?" Mike suggested, already preparing a glass for her.

Hmm... an iced tea from Long Island. That sounded really refreshing and delicious. Not a greasy-burger-with-fries delicious, but... it would have to do for now.