Blackmail - 9
Warnings / Mentions of self-harm. Not much.
Author note/ sorry its a really short chapter.
~Last Time~
"Clint let's just spar" She went to throw a punch but he just grabbed her arm. She went to fight back but he shoved her against the mats and straddled her.
He knew what he was looking for, he just had to get proof that his theory was correct.
He held her arm out and rolled down her sleeves. The angry red marks popped vibrantly against her skin. He looked at her with a look in his eyes that one could only explain as sorrow.
"I should have told you what you meant to me" - Katy Perry
"It's not what you think"
"Its exactly what I think"
She wanted to scream, she wanted to tell him that she didn't harm herself that she hadn't gone back to her old ways. He had been so comforting and caring when she first started cutting and they had celebrated her major milestones in her recovery. She couldn't bear the disappointment in his face when he found out she had relapsed.
"I'm sorry" she whispered and tried to look away.
"No Tasha don't be sorry," he said and rolled off of her so he was sitting next to her. The archer pulled the redhead off the ground and slid her onto his lap.
"Your…not angry?"
"Not angry at you no, I'm angry at myself for not realising" what he said should have comforted her but it felt like someone had punched her gut with an iron fist.
He blamed himself for something that didn't even happen. Natasha wanted nothing more than to tell him it wasn't her to tell him he did nothing wrong.
There were times during this horrible situation that she would have these inner debates with herself, about whether this was all worth it, hiding everything from Clint. Because what if he died, died thinking Natasha had lied to him and Clint had always said they were stronger together so if she tells him they could get through this together. She remembered what Bruce said about that if Clint knew he could better prepare himself for an attack.
But that was being selfish, and the Black Widow was not selfish, she would lay her life down without a moment hesitation for those who she loves. She would rather let Clint hate her as long as that meant he remained safe.
"You cleaned these pretty well though"
"Bruce did" she whispered but straight away knew it was a bad idea to of told Clint that.
"BRUCE KNEW"
"Well I don't know but…" there was no point trying to stop him. He pushed her off of him and made for the door.
"CLINT STOP" she yelled as he ran through the halls towards Tony and Bruce's lab.
He barged into the doors both men looking up at the sudden commotion.
The intruder headed straight for Bruce and pushed him against the wall a hand securing his neck.
She heard a yell and a rather girly shriek so that meant Pepper too was in the lab.
"DID YOU KNOW"
"Clint what the fu-"
"Stay out of this Tony" he snarled, "TELL ME"
"How about we calm down and talk about this like-"
"DON'T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN, DID YOU KNOW"
At that point Natasha ran in slightly flustered, Clint had locked her out of the main doorway so she had to run around the back way just to get into the lab.
"CLINT STOP IT" she pleaded running up to the pair. He pressed harder against Bruce's neck.
"ANSWER ME GODDAMIT"
Then Steve ran in, obviously hearing the commotion all the way from the lounge room.
"Y..e..s" he managed to get out.
"Clint let him go"
"Nat. Stay out of this"
She turned around to face the wall and rubbed her eyes hoping it would make her wake up from this horrible nightmare she was living but it only brought a couple dark splotches in her vision and a headache.
"He was just trying to help" she begged still facing away from them.
"How was that HELPING," he said and his loosened grip on Bruce became harder.
Steve rushed forward and ripped Clint off of Bruce who then sunk to the floor trying to get his breath back.
"What the FUCK IS GOING ON" Steve yelled looking between the two.
"Why don't you ask him" Clint spat.
Natasha pushed Clint over to the side and held his by his arms.
"I'm fine he was just helping, you're making a fool out of yourself"
He looked down at her before looking over at a traumatised Pepper, Confused Tony and Steve, and a hyperventilating Bruce.
"Вы бы мне сказали. Что, если однажды ты сильно порежешься и умрешь, думали ли вы об этом, думали ли вы о том, в какую ситуацию это поставило бы меня? Брюс может помочь вам с медицинской точки зрения, да, но он не знает вас так, как я. Я люблю тебя, Нат, и я не могу тебя потерять. (Would you have told me. What if one time you cut to deeply and died, did you think about that, did you think about what situation that would have put me in. Bruce can help you medically yes but he doesn't know you the way i do. I love you Nat and I can't loose you.)" he spoke frantically.
"Я знаю своего Ястреба, я тоже знаю. Я бы сказал, что мне просто нужно время. (I know you do my hawk, I was going to tell you I just needed time)"
The others in the room waited patiently for the two of them to stop speaking Russian and start giving them the answers they so desperately craved.
Clint looked down into the green emerald eyes of the Russian then nodded. She let go of his arms and they both turned around the see the rest of the tower's occupants staring at them.
"Anyone going to explain what just happened," Steve asked in a way that made him look like he was the father of all these misfits.
"Misunderstanding" Clint grumbled
"Think you're going to need more than that buddy" Tony joked but you could see the hints of seriousness in his voice.
"Maybe we should let them talk privately" Pepper suggested. She had a pretty good idea what the 'misunderstanding' was about. She didn't blame Clint if Tony did that and nobody told her she would be angry too.
Tony looked annoyed at the suggestion but Natasha nodded and they all walked out leaving Clint and Bruce in the lab.
Once, Pepper, Tony and Nat had left the lab they made their way to the lounge room. Tony sat on the couch on the premise that Nat would also sit so he could interrogate her for information but that didn't work because she went straight to the bar.
This is a mess, she thought to her self as she poured her drink. Kozlov was right but not only would Clint be watching her more closely but Pepper would too. Pepper was not a spy but my god she seemed to know everything. She knew things about Natasha even she didn't know yet.
But that was just one of the many problems.
'You're going to kill the men that killed my father like the little killer you are'
She couldn't do it, could she? Yes she had gone on revenge kills when she first joined SHIELD but fury knew about the to some extent. She didn't know if these guys were retired now or working for some sort of remnants of the KGB. How long would it take? Where would she go? Most likely somewhere on Russia but it could take from a couple of days to a couple of weeks, How was she meant to hide that from others?
The coolness on the bar tiles under her palms did very little to calm her. She tried to take deep breathes, as Clint had told her, but that to did nothing.
A soft hand on her back broke her from her frantic thoughts. Pepper must have somehow known she was distressed and decided to come over to check on her.
"Was it about what I think it was about"
She didn't look up from her glass just nodded.
Pepper poured herself a drink and sat next to her.
"Men" she sighed.
Back in the lab, Clint was standing on the opposite side of the lab bench to Bruce.
"You should have told me straight away"
"She told me not to tell you"
Clint scoffed and turned away from the scientist.
"If I broke her trust she wouldn't feel comfortable coming to me again"
"You still should have told me, you don't know Natasha the way I do" he barely hid the jealousy out of his voice. Jealousy that Natasha had talked to Bruce and not him.
"You're not the only one who cares about Nat," Bruce said and Clint glared at him, "If she felt comfortable she would come to me again and if it got worse I would have told you"
"Next time, I want to know straight away," He said and then left the room.
Bruce just stood there his neck still sore from where Clint had held him.
If this is how Clint reacted to this one secret how was he going to react when and if he found out about this whole chaotic situation.
Maybe he was doing the wrong thing? Should he talk to Clint? No this was Natasha's business he was just there to give support.
The rest of the day went by awkwardly, Clint tried his best to ignore the rest of the team spending most of his time with Nat.
As much as he was annoyed at Natasha, he kept close to her to make sure she was okay.
They both didn't go downstairs for dinner that night and watched movies on their couch.
It was different.
Last time they had done this, it was loving and beautiful. This time it was uncomfortable for both parties.
Clint couldn't seem to get comfortable and Natasha ended up turning over and leaning up against the other side of the couch.
Natasha, not being able to bear the awkwardness that had drifted between them, went to bed earlier than her partner.
She didn't fall to sleep and was still awake when her partner came to bed hours later.
He didn't hold her as he would normally do, they just laid on the two sides of the bed oblivious to the other.
She had turned her ringtone off after the last incident resulted in Clint finding out some unwanted information.
Natasha had also stopped taking sleeping pills because she figured that he always called at night so she needed to be awake in case something happened.
It was as if he wanted their little secret to get figured out.
She had finally drifted off to a presumable nightmare filled sleep when her phone vibrated under her pillow.
Natasha quickly slid a hand underneath her phone and picked it up as to not wake the sleeping agent next to her.
"Your partner looks very cute" a voice over the phone said not loud enough for Clint to hear.
But the vibrations had woken him up but he hid it from the redhead.
He laid there unmoving and silent as to give the impression of unconsciousness. He even focused on his breathing making it even and soft.
He was interested to see if it was the same guy again. Clint had tried to get Natasha to tell him who he was but every time she gave him the same answer.
'He's a friend, no need for you to worry'
Natasha never lied to him without reason, so he had believed her but part of him didn't because this was a Russian friend who knew her as Romanova and she was close enough to Kozlov to tell him about Clint.
He let the rest of the world go quiet and he tried to listen to the conversation. He could only guess what the person on the other side of the call was saying as he could only hear Natashas answers.
"What do you want"
"What, I can't come in right now"
"Why, Because I'm SLEEPING"
"Fine, I'll meet you there"
The call ended and Natasha sat on the bed motionless.
They had pinned down the people who killed Kozlov's parents and now it was her turn to 'exterminate' them.
She looked at Clint's curled up figure, he did look cute like that, with all the pillows and blankets nested around him.
It was now or never she told herself. She could tell Clint what was going on or it was a guarantee that after this shit was going to get real.
She kissed his cheek, knowing after she got back things would be different, and got up to get her emergency bag.
She crept downstairs, her bag slung over her shoulder. Natasha went down to the weapons store room, got her guns, and then left a note for Bruce somewhere Tony wouldn't find it.
She walked through the communal floor after leaving Bruce's note when she heard a voice.
"Where are you going" she would know that voice anywhere. He must of heard her moving and went downstairs to investigate.
"SHIELD needs me"
He didn't show any kind of emotion on his face.
He kissed her on the lips, but it wasn't special or emotional, it was as if she was kissing a stranger.
"Be safe," he said coldly and walked away.
"Always am" she whispered after he walked away.
The streets of New York were cold and damp but she managed to get to their meeting point on time.
She had slipped her widow suit on before she left and she had her weapons safely stored on her body.
Two guards were waiting for her at the address.
He handed her an envelope but before she could take it he paused, a scuffling of gravel was heard from outside, he looked around evidently listening out for an unwanted guest.
It must have been a false alarm because he then handed her the envelope.
She was led to a limousine with blacked-out windows and more guards.
Natasha was shoved into the back seat and handcuffed to the armrest.
The divider slid down and the familiar rustic face of Adrian Kozlov poked out.
"Exciting day huh"
"Very"
"Boys, there's no reason for that" he signalled to the handcuffs. The guards undid them and returned to their spots, "She won't be going anywhere except where we tell her"
She rolled her eyes and went to look out the window but was greeted with black shadows.
"Ahh this is great the amazing Black Widow, working for me"
"I do NOT work for you" she snapped. "This is a one-time thing, after this job you go back to whatever hole you crawled out off and leave me alone"
"No no no Natalia I will never leave you alone, you are mine now"
Possessive - Another sign of madness she thought.
He handed her a file and for the next 3 hours, she sat there reading.
She still hadn't actually decided if she was going to go through with this yet.
She did this, she would become a traitor to SHIELD.
If Fury found out….No, he wouldn't find out.
She was the Black Widow, she was intelligent and was accustomed to hiding her traces.
She still wasn't comfortable killing these people.
Not the killing part, she had been killing since she was 9 it didn't affect her anymore.
But these kids were just boys when they killed him. She knew what it was like to be young and naive and from what she could tell they hadn't done anything else bad since the fall of the KGB.
They were just young kids who were brought into the 'family business' and made to do unthinkable things.
She hadn't made up her mind yet but the one thing she knew was that SHIELD and The Avengers were the most important things in her life, and she would do Whatever it takes.
"You're up widow," he said and the door opened.
She stepped out into the fresh air and she waited for her eyes to adjust to the sudden lights.
Once her vision cleared she searched the area. She looked up and read the nearest sign.
Welcome to Russia.