My dear little broccolis💚💚💚

💚 So, I just want to remind you of something. Ana has mentioned that Leila told her about a practice very well known in Asia and Africa, but not in Western countries, massages. She also told Ana that they helped soothe people, and make them feel better. But, in the West, massages only became popular medically in 1920-1930. Before that, when they were mentioned, it was in brothels (but of course, Ana doesn't frequent those establishments.)

💚 Also, remember that Ana said that she never talks about her marital life to anyone and that Leila respects that part of her, just like Ana respects Leila not talking about her own personal life.

💚 And I like that most of you remembered that it is not set in modern days and that people thought differently about relationships back then. BUT remember that men were thought of differently back then as well.

💚 And MOST IMPORTANTLY, why is everyone talking about touch issues? I never mentioned that in this story, Christian and Ana have been intimate with her touching him, and the characters are OUT OF CHARACTERS.

💚 If you want pictures of the story, just check out my Facebook group, Mina's Broccolis, and you will find pictures as the story unveils. And a few sneak-peeks here and there as well.

💚 From Duty To Love💚

Chapter 12: Downfall (3,4K)

Anastasia's PoV

I get to the Grey countryside homestead the next afternoon, greeted with glee by little Ariana. She jumps in my arms, wrapping her arms around my neck as she tells me how much she has missed me. I used to visit Kate and her family twice a month before getting married, but ever since my marriage, etiquette made it complicated to see my friends just because I wanted to. And even though I am at Elliott's every Thursday nights with Christian, Ariana is already sleeping when we come for dinner.

This week in the countryside is what I needed, to be away from Christian and the city with all its gossips and deceptions. And I get to spend time with Ariana and Ava. Ava barely leaves my arms to be honest, since my nieces and nephews seem to be the only children I will ever have.

And the Greys are lovely. I get to know them a little more, though Carrick and I have had a few conversations in the past when he visited me for lunch shortly after my marriage to his son. Grace is such a loving mother to her son and daughter, and she is like my grandmother was to me to the girls, giving them sweets and candied fruits.

She never asks about why I am still not pregnant, but since Mia is only pregnant with her second child, and she had difficulties getting pregnant both times, I think she assumed I was the same. But she does worry about my lightheadedness on the second morning. I got up too quickly from my chair, but Grace had me sitting all day long after that.

Mia is very nice as well. Just like me, her husband did not join us. He is travelling to Philadelphia for business reasons, though according to her she had to force him to go. He did not want to leave his pregnant wife alone when her first pregnancy had been so difficult.

But the best thing about this week away from the city is that I have my friend again. Kate told me that she didn't have much time for me because of the birth of little Ava, and then Elliott's political campaign. But she promised that when March will come, we would have more time together.

"It's just that the house always has the wives of future important electors, and they like to gossip and criticise everything and everyone. I know you don't like this kind of behaviour, so I don't want to put you in that situation," She explains to me as I help her do her hair. I smile and kiss her cheek to reassure her, and look at our reflection in her vanity as I assure her,

"I appreciate the thought. I don't need more gossips than I already hear."

"Elena Lincoln," Kate knowingly says, and I nod. I see her bite her lip with worry before she turns and tells me,

"This isn't me gossiping, but I thought you should know. She made several advances at Christian."

"I've heard."

"She proposed herself. From what I heard, she went to his house and … showed herself in an indecent manner that had Christian so enraged he went to the Reverend and exposed her."

I did not know the details, and though they are not nice to hear, I can understand a bit more why she hates me so much. She has been rejected but also humiliated and shamed. No wonder why she fled to her daughter's for half a year.

"Poor Reverend. He is such a good man," I lament. Even though I try, I cannot understand how a good man like the Reverend married such a woman.

Kate smiles, taking my hands in hers and making me sit next to her on the vanity. "This is me gossiping now. But … Reverend Lincoln is too good of a man. From what Grace told me, he comes from a small town like yours and he was courting another woman when Elena came to visit. A few weeks later, she got pregnant, even though she was not married, and good man that he is, he married her to protect her honour, even if it wasn't his child. They came to Seattle where she's from, and the Reverend married that terrible woman, leaving his sweetheart behind."

I can't help but gape, feeling bad for both the Reverend and the poor woman he left behind. They must have loved each other, but he did what very few gentlemen would have done. And from what Leila told me, he never made his daughter feel like she wasn't his. He raised her with love and devotion.

Kate squeezes my hand and says, "I am just telling you so you can be wary of her. She's not known for her fidelity to her good husband, and she likes to go for younger men, whether they are married or not."

I give her a polite smile, about to tell her that I am not worried about that poisonous snake, but the words never come out. Because the truth is, though I don't think Christian would ever disrespect the Reverend by laying with his wife, he does not hesitate to disrespect me by laying with Leila, in our house.

So I take a deep breath and get up, checking Kate's hair to make sure there is nothing else to do, but she stops me, looking into my eyes as she asks with concern, "Ana? Is everything alright?"

I try to lie and not burden her with my issues, but I find myself sitting back and admitting, "Christian has a mistress."

"Oh," She says, before wrapping her arms around me. "I am sorry, Ana. I would have thought that he would be like his father and Elliott."

I nod because I would have liked that too. When Carrick looks at Grace, I can see the love he has for her shining in his eyes. Just in the same way Elliott looks at Kate. I wish Christian would look at me this way. Or maybe I wish I hadn't let my heart waver for him.

Maybe if I didn't love him, it wouldn't hurt so much. After all, most men from the gentry have mistresses, and their wives usually do not mind. I mind because I was foolish enough to fall in love with my husband.

"Maybe it is just a passing thing, and he will come back to you. Sometimes men are … errand when it comes to the flesh."

"I don't know. He sees her every week, Kate. I think he actually loves her. I have no idea why he married me if he already had feelings for another girl."

"Do you know who it is?"

I shake my head because no matter how much I resent Leila, I don't want her to turn into the joke of the town. She is struggling enough as it is, and I would hate to be responsible for adding more struggles on her shoulders.

"I really thought he was starting to love you, Ana. He does so many things he didn't do before, he even stopped travelling every other month to check his businesses across the country. He sends other people to do it. And I thought it was for you because he enjoyed his time with you. I am really sorry."

I give her a sad smile and shake my head, deeply breathing in, "It is not your fault. And it's not like either of us could change anything. I just wished I hadn't fallen in love with him. But I guess I am not the first nor the last to feel like that."

She hugs me once again, and proposes with sympathy, "If you want, I can tell everyone that the girls want to stay a week longer, so you can stay with us as well."

"No. I can't hide indefinitely. But this week has made me feel better. Thank you, Kate."

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

On the Friday after lunch, the children went to sleep and we adults decided to play 21 whilst eating some of the lavender cookies I made with Ariana in the morning. Ariana begged me to bake her something every day of our retreat, and though Kate and Elliott knew I was a good baker, it was a surprise for Mia and the Grey parents. I guess Christian never shared that information with his family.

So I have made several cakes and cookies throughout the week, under the praise of everyone, and today, I decided t use the dried lavender that the maid gave me. I have always liked lavender as a scent and as a taste, and since the summer is long gone, I was missing it.

We all laugh and talk about various things, mostly the Christmas plans. They want to come back here for the week between Christmas and the New Year. They usually stay longer, but Elliott says that he will host a party for the new year celebration as yet another way to sway some recalcitrant electors.

We will go to the midnight mess of course and travel on the next day. Christmas is not a very important affair beside the mess, but the Greys use the occasion to gather all together in their country home and spend some time together.

Back home, my father never cared much for Christmas either. But my maternal grandfather had raised his daughters to use any excuse to celebrate. And Christmas was another excuse. We usually all went to Aunt Christine and spent the day cooking, eating, dancing and singing. I am curious how this Christmas will go. And I hope I won't be too nostalgic of my own family. I already miss them enough, it would be hard to miss them even more on such a day.

As Carrick distributes yet again the cards, a cigar locked between his lips (just like Elliott), the maid rushes to the veranda. But as she opens her mouth, Christian appears being her, coldly telling her,

"I don't need to be announced in my own home."

He then removed his hat, gloves and coat to give them to her, his eyes looking at all of us. We're all enjoying the view of the beautiful garden the Greys have, even though it is blurred by the heavy rain of autumn.

Carrick promptly gets up and asks with worry, "Christian? What are you doing here? Is something wrong back home?"

Christian briefly looks at his father before turning his eyes to me and walking into the veranda to come to my side and bring a chair to sit next to me and kissing my cheek, "I was just missing my wife, father. The last time I checked, it isn't a crime to come spend a weekend away with your family."

Kate looks at me with a mix of pity and confusion, but I know why he came. It is Friday. He didn't necessarily miss me, he missed being between my legs. The maid comes back with a huge bouquet of red carnations* that she gives me, and I blush as everyone comments on the gesture.

Christian takes my hand in his and brings it to his lips, saying low enough so only I can hear him, "I've missed you, Anastasia. This week has been long without your presence."

I politely smile but retake possession of my hand instead of leaving it in his as I usually do. I can't help but wonder if he had Leila come every night since I was not home. maybe even go in his room where he never invited me. Maybe actually sleeep with her instead of fleeing her like the plague once he is done.

Grace asks the maid, Eliza, to put the bouquet in a vase in my room, and, probably sensing my embarrassment overall this fuss on me, she ushers us to keep playing. Soon enough, Christian, Elliott and Carrick retire in their office to talk business, and as soon as we are alone, Grace lets me know,

"This is the first time Christian is missing a day of work. Even sick that boy will go to work, trying to prove a point."

I smile, unable to explain to her that her son's gesture is not something sweet and heartfelt, but something carnal, and I play my part,

"The flowers are beautiful. I am sure they will perfume the room in no time."

"I think you were missing him a little," Mia intervenes. "You've been melancholic all week. Though I'm not sure what Christian missed most. You, or your cookies," She added with a teasing smile, and we all laugh.

Christian ate most of the cookies that had lasted us so long before he came, in barely one game. And when Elliott joked that Christian should have come for the week if he wanted baked goods every day, Christian declared that his family was no longer allowed to ask me to bake since he already had to share my skills with the Reverend.

The rest of the day went as it went for this week. Christian's arrival didn't change a thing, except that he was sitting next to me over dinner. But when comes time to go to bed, I have to repress my desire to cry.

I have been staying in Christian's room and as long as I was alone, I did not mind. But I don't want to share my bed and sleep next to someone who lays with other women. Christian gives me the privacy to get ready by going change in the bathroom, and when he comes out, I am already laying on the chaise lounge by the window, with a small duvet. I know it will be a couple of uncomfortable nights, but it's better than being in bed with Christian.

He glares at me, striding to tower over me as he asks, "What are you doing here, Anastasia?"

"Getting ready to sleep. Goodnight, Christian." I turn to show him my back, and before I can understand it, I am in his arms and he is walking us to his bed.

"Do not insult me, Anastasia. What kind of gentleman lets his wife sleep on a chaise? If you do not want me in your bed, I will take the chaise."

I don't argue with him and just turn my back to him again as soon as I'm in the bed. I hear him walk back to the window before it seems he changes his mind and he gets back to me, asking to my back,

"I would like to know what I have done to warrant such a cold attitude from you."

You're an infidel liar! But of course, I am not brave enough to say that. Especially in his family home, so I just say the other part of the truth. "Nothing. You're just another man who wants to rule the world on his own terms. You're just like the rest of those men."

"Anastasia … I told you I will not tolerate your lies."

How does he know that I'm lying? How can he know me so well, and yet not know that it breaks my heart that he feels the need to be with another woman? And not just any woman, one of my good friends.

"And you also told me in front of God and our families that would be faithful. I guess I shouldn't put much value in your words."

There is a heavy silence, and for a moment, I have this hope that he understood and walked back to the chaise. But then he speaks, his voice barely more than a whisper,

"You think I have been … unfaithful?" He has the impudence of sounding insulted. So I turn to glare at him, and I let him know,

"I know you have. Now, if you don't mind, I am not interested in knowing more about your debauchery and I would like to s-"

I don't get to finish my sentence. Christian has me pinned beneath him on the mattress, his grey eyes filled with fury as he says with anger, "I have been nothing but faithful to you! How dare you put my word or my honour in question, Anastasia?"

I know I should cower and bend my head, apologise and pretend to look the other way on Tuesdays, but … I have done nothing wrong! Why am I the one getting guilted when I have done nothing wrong. I'm the one who fought his honour and defended him without hesitation when he had a mistress all along.

"Your honour? Since when do you care about that?"

"I care about you, Anastasia. And my honour is a reflection of yours. Do you really think I would let anyone think your honour is anything but reputable?"

I blink, doing my best not to cry. I refuse to cry in front of Christian Grey. He may have grown men cowering in front of him at work, but he will not have me acting like a scared child anymore. He will respect me, one way or the other.

"My honour? You care very little about my honour, Christian Grey. And you care even less about yours. Otherwise, no one would dare say that I married a sodomite. What does it say about my honour, or my reputation when everyone in town thinks you like the company of men better?

If you actually cared about me, or my honour, you wouldn't let those horrible women say that I'm nothing than a barren harlot for display. You wouldn't let people think I can't do the simplest thing in the world. You would have given me a child."

Christian sits on the back of his heels and looks at me with confusion and something that looks like hurt. We stare at each other before he says with a cold and calculated voice,

"I care very little what the city folks think, Anastasia. They are not in my marriage. However, I have been faithful to you, and I have done nothing to warrant your mistrust."

"Really?" I ask with scepticism. "So I am the only woman who has seen you undressed since our marriage?"

He doesn't answer but he doesn't need to. My father always said silence is often the best confession. I turn on the bed, doing my best to repress my desire to literally kick him out of it, and I throw the covers on my bed, feeling the tears come. I just want him to go to his chaise so I can silently cry.

I think back of this week that has been so sweet and peaceful, of me holding little Ava in my arms whilst looking over Arianna and her cousin Deborah. I will never have that.

"Anastasia … darling …"

This makes me snap the covers off os me to glare at him, my tears long gone. He does not get to call me darling as if we were intimate! "Tell me, Christian. If I take you to my bed tonight, will you give me a child?"

Once again, he gazes at me with that strange look before he asks, "You would have the child of a man you think is unfaithful to you?"

"I would have someone to love."

He glares at me, and reminds me, "I am your husband, Anastasia. Are you refusing me your bed, once again?"

"Answer my question, Christian. And you will be welcome in my bed."

For a long moment, it looks like he won't say a word, but finally, he speaks, although it is not what I wanted to hear, "No. Not like that."

"Fine." I lay back in bed, turning my back to him. "Goodnight, Christian."

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

💚Your thoughts and opinions are always welcomed💚

💚 So, that's the second Friday she is turning Christian down ... and he said he was not unfaithful ... do you believe him?

💚 And Christian came to see her and said he missed her.

💚 And he did not deny being undressed with another woman ...

💚And something new, the artists mentioned💚

* red carnations are given to someone to tell them you miss them.

💚Well, let me know what you thought of this chapter. What was your favourite part? What do you think will happen next?

💚 E L James owns the names of the characters from the Fifty Shades franchise. Everything else is mine.

Love, Mina💚💚💚