"What kind of flower is that, Lloyd?"
Lloyd enters the living area and slides the door shut behind him with a slam. Zane asked the question from the couch, where he sits watching something while Jay holds a bowl of popcorn, alternating between tossing the kernels in the air and picking his teeth.
"Commelina communis," says Lloyd, "It's a dayflower—so it only blooms for one day, see? I'm lucky I caught them."
The blooms, sticking out of the top from where he tucked them into his book, are already starting to wilt, so he hurries past his friends.
"Wait!" calls Jay, "Are they pretty?"
"You know it!" says Lloyd.
He might be in a hurry, but he means it. The blooms are a vibrant blue that almost hurts to look at. He'd been able to spot the small darts of color from up several ridges along one of his hiking paths. He was already investigating the stalks they sprouted on when they budded out with blooms, and he was curious to see what they'd turn into.
Bursting through the workroom door, Lloyd sets his book against the table and sets to work.
Commelina, he thinks, repeating the name of the genus in his mind. He likes the sound of it—good for a flower.
He arranges the cluster of blooms across his press, figuring out how he wants it to look. The flowers are beautiful, with two large petals and several stamens curling forward like dragon's tongues. He isn't sure if they'll brown or not, given how quickly he is placing them in the press, but he's learned to accept a rotten flower here and there.
Unfortunately, it happens.
The summer months have rolled late into the year, right into the dog days. By this time, Nya has not returned. Lloyd is in two minds on the matter. He hates her for leaving and is angry that she hasn't so much as called them since she left (Lloyd has seen Jay or sometimes Zane calling her, but he has yet to see a conversation). At the same time, he misses her dearly and wants nothing more than to give her a big hug.
Once she walks through the door, and only then. Lloyd won't accept anything less.
The rest of them have simply resumed taking the days one at a time. A lot has changed since their team fell apart. Two more frames of flowers sit on the walls, and Lloyd is currently constructing another, larger frame.
These changes, while slowly and surely changing the look of the place, are alright by Lloyd, since one only needs to read the names of the flowers to learn of what they missed.
Other changes to not have this luxury. To name one, Cole's hair grew long enough to pull back in a small bun, so he gave it a chop. The result doesn't look noticeably different from when Kai was alive and Nya was here, but Lloyd feels that it is important for them to know.
Another change is that Pixal is learning to cook. She joins Zane in the kitchen when he makes meals, figuring out recipes for the rest of them to try. She follows the instructions to the point that she doesn't add an ingredient unless it is measured out to the exact decimal, and though this at first results in several burnt or otherwise messed up dishes, she does make good food, so long as she has good recipes.
Lloyd has enjoyed eating and sharing her creations with Jay, Cole, and Zane, and he wishes that the rest of his friends were there to join them.
He wishes that every night, and he thinks everyone else does, too.
Lloyd gives the dayflowers one last look before screwing the press on tight. He doesn't feel guilty about adding more flowers to his growing collection, but he still can't sit in the workroom anymore.
He wanders back to the living area and joins his friends on the couch, settling into the middle and snagging the bowl of popcorn from Jay.
"So," he says, "What are we watching?"
"I have no idea," Jay crunches through handfuls of popcorn, "The main guy looks like seven other guys in the film. I'm convinced they're all robots."
"This is a horror flick," says Zane.
"Doesn't change my assessment," says Jay.
A horror flick is usually Lloyd's cue to go, but he remains at his spot, anchored by the need to keep his friends' company. Moments later, Cole appears from his room, and Pixal from the hall. They silently join them, on the floor and on the couch's armrest, respectively.
Another change—a kind of important one—is that they've started sitting together again, and not just on their own time. Every night at dinner, they gather and share a meal. Sometimes, the only conversation is the scrape of utensils against their plates, but other days, they talk.
It is moments like these that Lloyd doesn't want Kai or Nya to miss.
For now, as the film drones on, they start at another conversation. It is easier to work up to this one, since poking fun of films has historically been a pastime for the ninja. Something stupid happens, Jay makes a statement, and the rest of them are left to counter it.
The absences of the scene are still felt, particularly when an explosion happens that Kai would have loved, or when the lead heroine is reduced to 'punches things and falls in love,' a favorite topic of complaint for Nya. All the same, they establish a steady stream of jabs and banter in an echo of their former joys.
Somewhere in the middle, an odd thing occurs. Zane compares the main character's kissing skills to the gasping of fish he's pulled from lakes, and the earnestness in his tone has Lloyd smiling and Jay honking.
Not honking, but that is what it sounds like at first. It is a kind of snort-laugh that is unexpected, to say the least. Everyone turns to Jay, eyebrows raised in surprise, and even Jay looks confused at the noise that slipped out of him.
For a second, they stare at each other before they all break into laughter as they acknowledge the ridiculousness of it all.
When Lloyd looks back at the screen, he can't remember what Zane said and doesn't care. He's caught up in the fact that his friends are laughing—that he is laughing, and that they are laughing together. It has only just occurred to him that they haven't done this in months, and that it's been so long that he hadn't realized they'd stopped.
He wonders what else they're missing now that Kai and Nya aren't here. Big things, and little.
As they settle back into silence, Lloyd thinks of Nya, and how she isn't here to experience this. Then he thinks of Kai and realizes what he's done. He frowns for a split second, wondering what could've changed.
For the longest time, the only person Lloyd thought of was Kai, an ever-present ghost on his shoulder. Yet today, he thinks of Nya first.
The change is almost shocking, and he zones out of the rest of the movie as he wonders why it occurred. Is he simply thinking of Nya more and more? Since she left, Lloyd can't say that he's gotten less angry at her, but the pot of rage that kept him from sparing her much thought has since simmered down. Now he can acknowledge, just a little, that he does miss her.
That would explain the 'more' part, but he wonders—with an unsettling feeling in his gut—if he thought of Nya first because he was thinking of Kai less and less. That thought doesn't exactly send his stomach churning with nausea, but it doesn't leave his head for the rest of the film, nor that night, when he tries to sleep.
The next day, he enters the workroom without any flowers, something he hasn't done in a while. It is just as he left it the day before, but he moves into Kai's workspace, eyeing the railing and trying to shake the overwhelming feeling of emptiness that was somehow less potent on the other side of the room.
A fine layer of dust covers Kai's intricately crafted work, as well as his tools. Lloyd almost can't believe that Kai has been gone long enough for dust to settle over his things. Twitching at the thought, he turns and spots a notebook, where Kai has scribbled down various designs, notes, and measurements in what could pass as actual chicken scratch, given how sloppy the handwriting is.
Lloyd tries imagining Kai walking in, looking over the table and telling Lloyd what he plans to do next, but nothing comes to mind.
"How are you?" comes a voice.
Lloyd startles and glances up to see Pixal in the doorway, hovering just outside the frame like she's waiting to be invited in.
Lloyd releases a breath, unsure of how to answer that question. "I'm just thinking."
Pixal gazes around the room and takes a cautious step inside, staying near the wall. She looks over the worktable Lloyd has set his press on. Since the ninja gave him his new book and supplies, Lloyd has almost finished setting up an entire frame for summer flowers, a big one that will require a lot of wall space.
"Your flowers are looking splendid," says Pixal, voice soft.
She doesn't smile, but her eyes are lit up in a way that lets Lloyd know how impressed she is. That makes him feel good, though the feeling is dampened when he returns to Kai's work. The flower Kai constructed out of metal sticks out among the pieces, and Lloyd still doesn't know what kind it is.
"Thank you," Lloyd says, when he realizes that he might be letting the silence stretch too long, "It's almost ready to be hung up."
"Where will you hang it?"
Lloyd pauses. "I haven't thought that far ahead."
He rarely does anymore, though he rarely did to begin with. Life as the green ninja made him appreciate the present in a way that most people don't have to, and yet the losses continue to hurt like he didn't appreciate those moments, like it didn't even matter.
It is a mess of emotions steaming in a stew in Lloyd's head, and he wishes that for once he could turn it off and leave it for a while.
Pixal approaches his side and turns her gaze over Kai's work. The gleam in her eyes has not gone away, and looking at her, it suddenly clicks with Lloyd that she was Kai's friend, too. He'd always known this, of course, but he didn't ask.
"How about you?"
"Pardon?"
"Are you okay?" Lloyd asks, ashamed that it took him so long to do so.
Pixal thinks for a while. "Hard to say."
Lloyd nods.
"I am better than I was," Pixal says, "when I didn't think the hurt would ever stop, but it is dwindling, I feel."
Lloyd frowns. "How?"
"I am not sure," says Pixal, though she doesn't seem bothered by this fact like she usually would be, "It is hard to understand. I figured first that I was thinking of Kai less over time, and therefore was thinking less of his death. Then I thought that I was moving on, as you say. What other choice have we, really?"
Each sentence scares Lloyd more than the last, for whatever reason. He stares at the table with wide eyes.
"Does that bother you?"
"What?"
"That," Lloyd takes a breath, "that you might be thinking of him less?"
Pixal is quiet for a moment, watching him carefully. "It is not that I am thinking of him less, per se. I think of Kai a lot, but I realized in the past few months that I was not thinking of Kai, my friend; I was thinking of Kai, my friend who is gone. That is where the hurt came from, and since I've stopped thinking of him in that way, it has dwindled. I still think of Kai, and I always will."
Lloyd blinks. He hadn't thought of it like that, and he wonders if he is doing the same thing. Kai is his friend, but Kai is also his friend who is gone, and Lloyd can't see how to separate the two.
He can't think of Kai without thinking of his absence. He just can't.
He dances his fingers along the back of his hand, trying to think of something to say.
"What about Nya?" he asks, "Do you miss her?"
"Of course."
"How much?"
Pixal furrows her brow but appears to consider the question. "I miss her a lot. And…more immediately, I suppose. Our time with Kai is done, so there is nothing more to gain or lose. We are losing time with Nya, time we should be spending together."
As angry as Lloyd is (actually, that is the reason he's angry), he agrees. "She should come back. We need her here. She needs us."
"I think she will in time," says Pixal.
"You just said we're losing time!" Lloyd backs away from the table, suddenly disgusted, "What is she waiting for? We're her family. We should heal together!"
Pixal watches his spiel. "Why don't you call and tell her that?"
Lloyd pauses. He'd considered it already, but he doesn't know what to say to her. Besides, it doesn't look like the rest of his family is having any luck.
"Do you think she'll answer?" he asks.
Pixal sits back against the table. "She answered me."
"You've called her?" Lloyd turns. For some reason, that makes his stomach roll. "And she answered you?"
"She only answered once."
Lloyd ponders the words, trying to make sense of them. "Did she say how she was?"
"She was very quiet," says Pixal, eyeing the opposite wall, "and didn't say much."
Lloyd waits for her to say more, but that is all. "Did you ask her when she was coming back?"
Not if, never if.
"No."
"Why not?"
"Lloyd," says Pixal, "Why don't you give her a call? Chances are she misses you just as much as you miss her."
Lloyd shakes his head. "I don't know what to say."
"You do," says Pixal, "Tell her what you've told me. Tell her you miss her. Tell her about the rest of us. I am sure she would like to hear it."
The idea makes him nervous. He could say all that and more, but he worries he will get angry.
He worries that he'll yell at her for leaving in the first place, then hanging up and never hearing from her again. As angry as her leaving made him, he doesn't want that. What difference is dead or alive if he never hears from someone again?
Lloyd shudders at the thought. Pixal places a gentle hand on his arm.
"Think it over," she says.
Lloyd nods, and Pixal turns to go.
At the door, she stops and glances up, as though considering something. Then she turns back.
"Lloyd," she says, "I've been looking in on the people behind the incident at Borg."
Something cold settles over Lloyd's shoulders. "Oh. Really?"
"I don't think they acted alone," says Pixal.
Lloyd figured as much, but he hadn't allowed himself to think about it. "Were they working for the Mechanic?"
"Possibly," says Pixal, "I can't be sure, but I do not think we've seen the last of them."
She doesn't say any more, but that is all Lloyd needs to know. Frankly, it is all he can handle. He nods, and Pixal takes her leave, taking small steps out the door. It takes a long time for Lloyd to follow.
That evening, he sits staring at his phone in the living area, slouched on the couch. Wu sits on the other end, drinking tea. He still follows Lloyd around sometimes, as though waiting for Lloyd to open up about his grief.
Lloyd has yet to do it—and he thinks he's made his inclinations very clear—but Wu still waits, ever a patient person.
Lloyd isn't going to talk though, especially today, after his exhausting conversation with Pixal. If he tried to talk now, he would say something he doesn't want to, and it is best to avoid that situation at all costs.
"How was your day, Lloyd?" asks Wu.
Lloyd's personal hatred for that question has grown astronomically in the past few years.
"Mind your own business," he says.
If Wu is surprised or offended by the nastiness of the response, he doesn't give any indication. He just sips his tea, looking lowly and forlorn. Lloyd eyes him and swallows a surge of guilt.
"How have you been?" he asks.
A beat passes before Wu answers. "I have been…better."
Lloyd nods, but Wu continues.
"I never figured it out," he says, quietly like he's talking to himself, "How to handle losing people. I have to relearn it every time."
Lloyd glances down at the response. Now that is…interesting. About what he expected, but not something he expected Wu to admit. Truth be told, Lloyd doesn't know what to do with his uncle's grief. He knows that Wu isn't and will never be the same after losing so many students, but he can't think of a way to be there for his uncle like he needs.
Maybe Wu just needs for the rest of them to be okay.
Lloyd doesn't see that happening for a while.
"Do you think Nya wants to come back?" Lloyd asks, deciding it is a safe question (and Wu did open up a little with him, after all).
Wu peers into his cup of tea like there is something written at the bottom. "She probably already does, but that is for her to decide."
Lloyd huffs. "I should tell her to come back. And that I won't take no for an answer."
"Don't press her."
"Why not?" Lloyd picks at the balls of fuzz clinging to the cushions. "Pressing her might be what she needs. Besides, I miss her."
"Then," says Wu, "Tell her that first. That might be all she needs."
He says no more, and neither does Lloyd for the rest of the time it takes to work up the nerve to dial. By that time, an hour passes, and Wu goes to bed before Lloyd finally picks up his phone.
He doesn't have a plan for what he is going to say, but his plans have a history of being half-baked. At this point, he is sick of his own excuses.
He dials and holds the phone to his ear, almost unable to hear the ringing past the heartbeat in his ears.
He waits several calls, but Nya doesn't pick up. The phone keeps ringing.
Thank you all for reading, reviewing, and following this story! I really enjoy sharing it with you!