"Okay, so. In terms of our financial report, it sucks." Blitzo declared, pulling a whiteboard over showing a red arrow going down dangerously low. Then, it somehow kept going, and going, and going. "Now, okay… I'm not here to blame anyone, as we're all doing our part, so no one's at fault, Moxxie… but listen, there are some of us who maybe could do a little more. Moxxie."
The white-haired Imp groaned, knowing that this was going to start something. Again.
"And look, we recently had a BUNCH of contracts dealing with some big fallout in the living world, what was that even about?"
"Dunno. I think white supremacists were unhappy over some stupid shit." Loona drawled, not looking up from her phone.
"So, do we have money, or not, sir?" Moxxie asked flatly. "Or did you spend it all on a billboard and a tv ad no one saw?"
"Well, yes. But actually, no." Blitzo continued. "We had money, but then bills came, and uh… yeah. The cheque for the billboard bounced, so I still owed that guy money, and then there was the damages someone caused. Again, not naming names, Moxxie. But by the end of it, we had… about fifteen bucks."
"Doubt it." Loona remarked, not looking up from her phone.
"What, did you run out of PCP again?"
"Piss up your own ass and die, Moxxie." Loona said, still not looking up. "Fifteen bucks will get you about a dozen donuts. Which is what you sent the new guy to go get, not ten minutes ago. Remember?"
"…Okay! So! Uh, as it turns out… we have no money." Blitzo corrected himself. Loona looked as disinterested as usual, Millie seemed optimistic for their future as usual, and Moxxie seemed irritated as usual. "Now, once again I am asking you: do any of you know anyone who needs someone killed?"
"My boss." Moxxie muttered, and Blitzo let out a fake, barking laugh.
"That's hilarious! Go do stand up and make us some money."
"I'd pay if we got to throw stuff at him." Loona remarked, reading an article about some sort of monster that tore up Valentino's Studio a few days ago.
"Okay, that's the plan, let's-"
"Sir, are you sure none of you, ahem, contacts in the higher class don't require our assistance?" Millie cut in, shooting down the idea before it went further. Blitzo looked to her, blinking, then groaned.
"No. They don't, and we're not going there! I already have to deal with that feathered freak enough as it is every month without having to deal with more of those demons…"
"Speaking of which, your thing with Stolas is tomorrow."
"DAMN IT!" Blitzo yelled, punching the whiteboard. "Okay. Okay… So… anyone have any suggestions? Anyone?"
"No."
"None."
"Nothing."
"Look people, we need money. And we need ideas! How about… how about we do some sort of spring break special?"
"Sir, it's November."
"Ugh! Fine! A Christmas special!"
"Pretty sure Lord lucifer would have an issue with that."
"Agh! Fine! Kwanza Kill Quest!"
"…what's Kwanza?"
"OH, C'MON!" Biltzo yelled exasperated, pacing back and forth. "Ugh, uh… fine, we sell stocks!"
"Sir, our company is in debt, and any money we make would then go to those how own said stocks. Not to mention that a bunch of demons somehow just bankrupted one of hell's oldest mistrust funds."
"Heh, that shit was funny as hell." Loona smirked.
"…actually, yeah it kinda was…" Moxxie said, agreeing for a very rare time with the hellhound.
"So, whaddya think about the new guy?" Millie asked, and the hellhound shrugged indifferently.
"Couldn't care less. If he stays outta my way, I got no reason to like him."
"It's not my fault that I'm the only one actually TRYING to make this company work! And not hiring some random-ass kid off the street because he saw an ad in a newspaper that WE COULDN'T AFFORD!" Moxxie snapped.
"And I'M trying to keep this company alive! Like my dreams!" Blitzo shouted back, his tone clearly one of hurt. "Also, that 'kid' has been an essential cornerstone of this company since his arrival!"
"DOING WHAT!? You hired him less than an hour ago, SIMPLY BECAUSE I TOLD YOU IT WAS A BAD IDEA!"
"You told me to hire him!"
"NO, I DIDN'T!"
"Not this shit again…" Loona muttered, not looking up from her phone.
"Maybe we wouldn't be in 'this shit' again if SOME demons ACTUALLY DID THEIR JOB!"
"If you're this verbally abrasive here, I gotta wonder what it's like behind closed doors." Loona snarked, still not looking up. "Is she still with you 'cause she's into that? Or is it fear?"
"Other way around Loony, there's no way Moxxie isn't the bottom." Blitzo remarked.
"Sir!"
"I mean…"
"Millie!"
"Well… how is it my fault for being in a relationship that doesn't end with me contracting an STD?!"
"Hey! That's my daughter you albino-midget!"
"And your talking about my WIFE!"
This was how most of I.M.P's meetings went, someone said something, someone got mad, fists got thrown, rinse and repeat.
"Oh, you MOTHERFUCKER!" Blitzo snapped, slamming his hands against the desk. "You ALWAYS do this! We were trying to have a conversation about our companies future, and then you-"
"Do you think he's ever going to realize Blitzo's just trying to get a reaction form him?" Millie asked looking to Loona, who gave the faintest hint of a smirk, and shrugged.
"-YOU WOULD'VE FAILED AS A MUSICIAN!"
"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!"
"Doubtful." Loona remarked.
"-YOU LISTENED FOR MORE THAN TEN SECONDS, WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS SITUATION!"
"LISTEN TO WHAT!? THE SHRILL SHREIKS OF SOME DEMONIC C**K!?"
"THIS COMPANY IS SCREWED, SIR. BECAUSE YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND-"
"How can you stay married to such an obnoxious asshole?" Loona asked, which in turn just agitated Millie.
"I stay married because I love him!"
"Oof. Big mistake…"
"Mox is right, at least our relationship hasn't led to a literal butt-load of STD's!"
"Seriously? You're bringing that up!?" Loona scowled, her anger rising. "How Blitzo puts up with either of you is bey-"
"SUP, BITCHES!? I BROUGHT DOU-Oh. I walked in on something personal. Didn't I?" Mad Dawg shouted, kicking the door to the office open, then awkwardly pausing and reading the room. The Imps and wolf turned and looked at Mad Dawg, who silently set the box down, stole two donuts, then wordlessly left the room, quietly closing the door behind him.
"…oh, sweet! Donuts!" Blitzo exclaimed, doing a 180 and completely forgetting whatever they had been talking about.
Back out in the main reception are, Mad Dawg was lying on the couch that was sort of his now. So far, he had done okay at his new job. The only issue came when he actually got to the store.
"You got any glazed donuts?"
"No, we're outta glazed donuts."
"Well, you got any jelly donuts?"
"No, we're outta jelly donuts."
"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"
"No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts."
"Okay, bye." Dawg had said, leaving and heading further down the street to another shop.
"You got any glazed donuts?"
"No, we're outta glazed donuts."
"Well, you got any jelly donuts?"
"No, we're outta jelly donuts."
"You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"
"Yeah."
"Gimmie. Wait… Why are these so expensive?!"
"Welcome to hell, kid. You're being tortured."
Lying on the couch, Mad Dawg thought about what he needed to do next. There wasn't anything urgent to do, there wasn't anyone he needed to call; right?
"Wrong." A voice spoke up in his head.
Dawg didn't know how long he was on the couch (having fallen asleep) but when he woke up, Loona was at the reception desk, and it was quiet.
"Where is everyone?"
"They got a job." Was all Loona said.
"Oh. What do I do?"
"I dunno, and I don't care." The Hellhound shrugged.
"Okay." Dawg said, lying back down on the couch. He slid his bad off and dug for a minute, pulling out his Walkman and fumbling with his large paw-hands. Unfortunately, he wasn't that coordinated, and eventually dropped it. "Gah… crap…"
"Is that… holy crap… do you seriously use tapes!?" Loona asked, a mixture of amusement and disbelief. "How old are you!?"
"Yeah, I like tapes more than digital." Mad Dawg answered, struggling to pick up the tape player. "Also, as I've said, I'm sixteen."
He didn't see Loona's reaction to that as he picked up the player and sighed. He didn't know which tape was in, and hit play. He also didn't notice Loona pick up his wallet and find the Overwatch I.D. he kept in there, clearly stating that he was actually, well…
"Bull. This says your fifteen." Loona stated, and Dawg snatched the card from her.
"Gah! That isn't important!"
"How do you not know your own age!?"
"…look, I've been through a LOT recently." Dawg sighed. "I'm probably seventeen, but due to literal dimensional traveling, and me dying, I think my age paused a bit."
"…sure…" Loona shrugged, not understanding what Mad Dawg was talking about, but she didn't much care.
(THIS IS HIS AGE NOW. I'VE PROBABLY STATED OTHERWISE PREVIOUSLY, BUT THIS IS IT. HE'S SOMEWHERE FROM 15-17, BUT IT ISN'T KNOWN BECAUSE OF DIMENSIONAL SHENANAGINS. I HONESTLY DON'T CARE.)
A few seconds later, rock music started playing, which did get Loona's attention.
"…Metallica?"
"One." Dawg smirked.
"Finally, someone who doesn't have crap taste in music!" Loona smirked, and Mad Dawg turned it up.
"I'm not even gonna bother asking if you're a metal fan. I mean… yeah…" Mad Dawg remarked, somewhat awkwardly. "That's kinda why I like stickin' to tapes, an old friend of mine gave me the player and a bunch of mixtapes with a ton of metal stuff on it."
"Damn, for real?"
"Yeah, Metallica, AC/DC, Tenacious D, Dragonforce, Korpse, Dragonland, Motörhead, Brocas Helm, Leonard Skynner, Styx, B.T.O. and some other stuff." Dawg nodded, listing off some bands before growing downcast. "Yeah… I lost most of em' a while ago in a fire…"
"That sucks. What happened to the old dude? He get exterminated?" Loona asked, not caring at all for subtly or the potential pain Dawg could be in by answering this question.
"What? No. He's alive." Mad Dawg shook his head, the answer taking Loona aback as she looked Dawg up and down.
"Alive?"
"Yeah."
"Did you get taken to the living world for a time, or something? Hellhounds are born down here… and even if you're not exactly one, you sure as shit look like one."
"No… I'm from above." Mad Dawg shook his head, realization dawning on Loona's face. "Yeah, I always thought I'd outlive him, considering how much the old man drank, but… heh. I'm here, and he's not, so… I guess not."
"How'd you bite it?"
"Kamikaze." Mad Dawg shrugged, then looked at the receptionist. "I'm serious."
"Sure."
"No, really." Dawg frowned. "I was caught up in some bad stuff, these terrorist assholes were threating my family, I attacked their leader, and I set off a bunch of grenades, taking us both out."
"Huh."
"Then I woke up ion another world, and then died again when I went through a doorway that punched a hole through reality."
"…uh-huh."
"Believe me or don't, I really don't care." Mad Dawg shrugged. "Something tells me you're pretty good at that kinda lifestyle."
"True." Loona shrugged, going back to her phone as the music kept playing. "This dude is weird… at least he has decent taste in music."
Inexplicably, a K-Pop song began playing, and Dawg froze, remembering Wrench and ray got drunk one time and would inexplicably add these songs onto the tapes. No one liked them, but that was kind of the point.
"Never mind."
Delilah wrapped her fingers against her arm, looking up with a frown at the building before her. So, this was the infamous 'Happy Hotel'… well, apparently, she had misheard the name, as it was now called the 'Hazbin Hotel'. Admittedly, she believed the name better suited this place, as both the residents were has-beens of God's creation, and because she honestly doubted any demon would willingly stay at a place called the 'Happy Hotel'. Still, she didn't have the heart to comment on the fact that Heaven had a chain of 'Happy Hotels' all of which were incredibly popular, and also doubled as a kitten and puppy shelter. Ugh, right, right. The hotel…
She also was of two minds about the idea of demonic redemption; on the one wing, she adored the idea of helping those in need! Providing refuge and redemption to genuinely remorseful sinners was a wonderful idea, one she supported full force. But on the other wing, if someone could be redeemed after they were cast into this truly Lord-forsaken place, then there truly was no real sense of urgency for how people would live when they were alive… But then again, these were sinners, and they all had one thing in common. They chose to be here, there wasn't some 'mistake' there wasn't a 'misunderstanding', they had their chance. And the tossed it away. They dese-
"No, no, no. Serenity. Serenity." Delilah chided herself. "Do not forget what is at stake here."
Walking into the hotel, Delilah had to admit, it had a nice feel to it. Sure, it may be a hovel for sinners, wretches, and irredeemable monsters, but at the same time, it could be a safe-haven for those genuinely trying to change. Unfortunately, it didn't appear like anyone was around, so Delilah quietly walked the lobby, looking at the hanging portraits of some of the more infamous beings down here. It was another minute or two until she found someone she assumed to work here, a small cyclops demon rushing about with a feather duster.
"Hello." Delilah said with a closed-eyed smile, her voice cutting through the silence and getting the attention of the demon. Thankfully, she was disguised well enough so no-one could tell who or what she truly was… "I was hoping you could help me. I'm looking for someone who apparently resides here? His name is Mad Dawg."
"Uh, sorry. He left a while ago." Nifty shook her head. "He seemed to get really angry over something and left, and we haven't seen him since. It's been nearly a week, too, and I kinda thought he would've come back or maybe called, or even-"
"Oh, he's gone? Do you know where he went?" Delilah asked, frowning ever so slightly.
"No, sorry." Nifty shook her head. "I think someone said. They saw him get dragged off by Sir Pentious' goons, but who knows if they were honest or not. It's really hard to tell if anyone is ever being real or honest or if they're just trying to lie and manipulate you into-"
"Hm. Thank you." Delilah nodded, turning to leave.
"Ooh! Ask Angel Dust, he was the reason Dawg seemed so angry!" Nifty piped up.
"Angel Dust?"
"Yeah! Pink-spider-guy! He should be at the bar, or in the lounge. He wasn't working today, even though it doesn't make sense that he wasn't. We don't have weekends down here, which means most of us work every day of our afterlives. Sure, I really enjoy that and look forward to each task, but…" Nifty returned to her motor-mouth dialect as Delilah walked towards the bar, the small cyclops' voice getting fainter and fainter. Delilah sighed, then saw a trail of pink smoke extending from the bar area like some sort of rope.
She followed a trial of smoke, sensing more than the sin of self-destruction, but pain. Heartbreak, regret… she didn't know if this was Angel Dust, but considering she was a woman of standards, she would do her best to help this demon, whomever they may be.
"Angel Dust?" She asked, and the porn star looked up, and Delilah let out a soft gasp when she saw his face. One of his eyes looked demonic as usual, but there were wounds around it. Not just from what was clearly physical attack, but some sort of… burn. Be it flame or chemical.
"Yeah?" He asked flatly. "If yer lookin' for services. One, I don't do chicks, and two. Wrong place."
"No, no. I'm… I'm looking for information." Delilah quickly shook her head. "I'm looking for a sinner, named Mad Dawg, apparently you-"
"Can't help you." Dust spat, looking away.
"But-"
"Can't. Help."
Delilah blinked, putting the puzzle together with a sad frown. She weighed her options, debating the pros and cons of each of them, then spoke once more.
"Perhaps I can help you."
"What? Look lady, I'm not really in the mood for this cryptic shit. I've gotta work in a few hours, and this-" he pointed to his bruised face. "-ain't makin' things easier. So, could you do me a favor and-"
"Rest." Delilah spoke softly, placing a hand on Dust's cheek.
"Whoa! What the hell are you do-" Dust began in anger but stopped dead. This felt… nice. Like, the ultimate high mixed with the pleasure of the first high he ever experienced. But rather than tear his body apart, he felt rejuvenated. He felt safe, warm, content… when the feeling was gone, he looked at his phone, seeing his face was healed.
"How the hell did you-"
"That isn't important." Delilah shook her head. "I know I've asked, but do you know anyone who may know his whereabouts? It is somewhat urgent I find him."
"Why?"
"It's… a personal matter." Delilah answered semi-honestly. "I mean you no ill will, but I have to ask-"
"Forget Dawg, how'd you heal my face?! You gotta show me that magic!" angel Dust cut in, feeling his face. It felt like the soft, fresh feeling of a warm shower was all over his head.
"Dear, please answer honestly. Do you know. Or do you not?" Delilah spoke with more force as she looked into him. Her eyes narrowing somewhat. She HATED this kind of demon. The kind who acted hurt and innocent, when they were no better than-
"Hang on." Dust frowned, taking his phone and calling someone. He set it on the table and waited. A few rings later, someone picked up.
"Yo, Angel! I thought you were dead!" Cherri laughed. "where the hell have you been!? You've been missin' all the fun!"
"I've been… busy." Dust sighed. "Listen, have you seen Mad Dawg? He left a few days ago and hasn't come back."
"Ugh, I know, right?" Cherri groaned. "His girlfriend showed up at my place askin' for him!"
"Girlfriend?" Angel and Delilah asked in unison.
"Your sister!" Cherri Bomb laughed before an explosion went off. "Nah, I'm screwin' with ya. But for real. She did show up. Seemed really concerned."
"Okay, do you know where he is?" Angel asked poignantly.
"No, but apparently Penny Parker Pentious kidnapped him. According to some of the locals. Those Egg things gassed his ass and dragged him away!"
"And you've done nothing about that!?"
"No! Why would I?!" Cherri scoffed. "I like the guy, but I'm not mounting a rescue mission for him!"
"Eh, fair 'nough." Angel Dust shrugged, leaning back in his chair. Delilah nodded and mouthed 'Thank you' before leaving. Dust watched her depart, something seemed… off.
"By the way, thanks for the money!" Cherri laughed, as if realizing something.
"…what money?" Angel Dust blinked.
Back in I.M.P. HQ, Mad Dawg was working on a small device, a tiny drone with a camera attached to it. He had gotten the idea to make a bunch of these so he could record some of his misadventures so he could show his family what happened when he got home. Exiting the 'tool shed' (the room where Blitzo kept a bunch of weapons to help dispose of bodies), Mad Dawg noted his new co-workers had returned, but something seemed wrong. Deciding to ask for what to do next, he walked up to Blitzo's office, but could hear things didn't sound to good.
"We did the job you paid us to do! Whaddya mean you're not paying us?! Listen asshole! I ain't gonna take this lying down y'know! …Hey! Just because we're a small workforce…"
"What happened?" Dawg asked, looking to Moxxie, who audibly scowled.
"The guy who hired us is refusing to pay due to some stupid reason." Moxxie growled.
"-WE DID THE JOB! Now you need to pay us, or-"
The phone was ripped from Blitzo's hand without warning. After a few deep, heavy breaths, Mad Dawg spoke:
"Either you pay him, or imma **** your **** and ********* you and then **** with a *** and a rabid ******* and shove it right ******* down your ****** before I *** and **** it out of your lower ****** ******' intestines and then jump ****** rope with it, then ******* take agiant **** on you and **** you sideways with a ************* **** and a ****** wire *****. Then I'll perform a ********** ON YOU AND *** YOUR ***** APART, AND MAKE YOUR WIFE ****** WATCH. YA ************** GOT ME?!"
The whole room, and by extent, the entire block of Imp City, was frozen in mortified terror. No one had ever heard so many curse words used at once, or such an egregious threat made against anyone.
"Thank you for your patronage, and we hope to see you again." Mad Dawg said in a ridiculously calm voice, before slamming the phone down, destroying the receiver. With a 'ding!' Blitzo looked to his phone, seeing payment had come through.
"HA! What'd I tell you Moxxie?! Essential cornerstone!"
"…I mean… if he agrees not to hurt us, I'll agree with whatever your saying…" Moxxie muttered, still taken aback by what had been said.
"Hey, boss. I'm lookin' for something to do. What needs done?" Mad Dawg asked, but blinked when Blitzo pointed to the corpse on the other side of the office.
"Garbage trucks won't take it, cut it up so we can stuff it in garbage bags." Blitzo ordered. Mad Dawg looked to him, then to the corpse, then back to his new boss.
"Ugh… fine." Mad Dawg sighed, picking up a mask and his chainsaw. "I'll be in the tool shed."
In the Tool Shed…
"We nEeD tO tALk…"
"No the hell we don't!"
"LoOk BeTa, I gOTtA aSk. WHaT's yOuR pLaN?" Virsu asked, sittong on the nearby tool bench, watching Dawg work.
"Don't know. Don't care."
"ExAcTLY!" Virus nodded matter-of-factly. "DoN't gO BaCk! YoU oWE tHeM nOtHInG!"
"Okay, no. If you're saying that, then something is wrong." Mad Dawg said to his inner voice. "But… Sir Pentious was right. I don't need to go back, I have my whole afterlife to enjoy myself! I'm free, I'm not bound by any rules, and laws, and even if I did get out, wouldn't I just end up back here once I die again?" Mad Dawg wondered as he cut up the targets body with his chainsaw. Sadly, the latter part of his query was a rather bleak and depressing one; and there was no real answer. He was in hell. Check. That meant he was a bad person. Check. If he left, could he change his ways? Become some bastion of justice and get to go to heaven when he died again?
No check.
"I mean, if I stay the heck away from Pentagram City, I should be okay." Mad Dawg continued to think as he tied up a garbage bag. "If I don't run into Princess Charlotte, Alistor, Angel, those assholes form that place, or Lou… I don't think I've made any enemies who would go out of their way to find me."
But there was one name on that list, one demon (or demoness) that he knew he had to meet, at least once. Princess Charlotte. At some point, he needed to talk to her, he needed to write, or call, or swing by the hotel… he needed to let her know he was okay. She needed to know she should move on. He just hoped that her dad wouldn't hurt her or something over this.
Speak of the devil…
Two large oak doors opened as the devil walked casually into a large room. The ceiling was non-existent as nothing but filing cabinets towered above, to the sides, and everywhere in-between. The fallen angel had briefly been through their contents recently, but hadn't found what he wanted, so he was going to the professional.
"Lore-Keeper?" luicifer said as he approached the creature which floated behind a wooden desk. Whatever this beast was called, it was a sight to behold. It was a floating ball with a massive eye, rows razor-sharp teeth, and countless eyestalks with eyes on them atop its head. It also was one of the wisest demons down here, as not a single soul entered hell without the Lore-Keeper taking note of them.
"Lord lucifer?" The Lore-Keeper said with a tilted head, but then seemed to realize whom stood before his desk and snapped to attention. "By the Nine rings! To what do I owe this honor!?"
"Hm. Good to see you again, Lore-Keeper." lucifer nodded with a faint smirk. "I would like to stay and talk, but I need your assistance with something more pressing. There is a soul down here, and annoyingly, he's a dead namer."
"Ahhh… a soul who changed their name… but never spoke their old one?"
"Perhaps." The devil frowned. "That's what's been getting to me. He calls himself 'Mad Dawg', and I've been through the M and D's, but I can't find his file." From the look on the Lore-Keepers face, this was akin to when lucifer had challenged God. "No, no, no. I don't blame you, I don't think you've mishandled your job." He said reassuringly pulling out the picture he had gotten during the Harvest Festival. One of Mad Dawg, his daughter, and Vagatha at one of those photo booths. "I don't have the time to go through all the souls, but I believe you and your… talents, can. Could you find this sinner for me?"
"Yes! Of course, Lord lucifer!" The Lore-Keeper nodded three dozen eye-stalks making themselves known, each eye blinking of its own accord. The floating, spherical beast had been in lucifer's archives for some time, and it was very, very useful in tracking down information. "The second we know anything, you will be the first to know!"
"Lore-Keeper." The devil spoke after a few moments of silence, as if a new thought dawned on him. "This… this sinner. They're different."
"How so? Any information you may have could prove invaluable!"
"Their demonic aura, it feels… split." lucifer remarked. "As if there are two demons living in one body. But in the short time I met him, I couldn't feel… anything."
"Do you believe an Overlord controls him?"
"No. At least, I don't believe so."
"Then, if I may ask, what do you think they are?" The Lore-Keeper asked, and the silence that followed was oddly unnerving, as if the devil himself didn't like the answer he arrived at.
"Is it possible, for us to be in possession of an Unjudged?"
"An… an Unjudged?!" The Lore-Keeper asked, his tone not befitting the one he spoke to. "Oh, apologies, Old One. I misspoke…"
"No, your surprise is understandable." The devil sighed, rubbing his chin. "There hasn't been one in several millennia, God was always far too meticulous to ever let a soul slip by unjudged, and from the bits I've taken from his thoughts, there's not a chance down here that God wouldn't have tried to help him in some regard… it just… doesn't make sense."
"I…I…I…I humbly beg for your forgiveness, Fallen One. But I do not know this sinner, therefore my knowledge on them is limited to what you say." The Lore-Keeper replied, stammering somewhat as he thought about the potential implications. "But if this soul is an Unjudged… that… well that…"
"Yes, I know what that would mean." The fallen one nodded, cutting the eye-monster off.
"I do not wish to overstep my bounds, my Lord… but do you fear him?" The Lore-Keeper asked, but shrank back when the devil looked at him.
"Fear him? No. Respect him? Absolutely not. But I am certainly intrigued, Lore-Keeper." He answered honestly. "
"A theory, my Dark Master." The Lore-Keeper spoke up, and when the fallen angel nodded, he spoke: "Perhaps this… 'Mad Dog' you speak of, is a test? Perhaps an angel in disguise, sent to evaluate hell's powers, and well, status."
"He is staying at my daughter's hotel… but that doesn't make sense, why would he have an issue with it NOW? Why not when that idiotic idealistic haven was built in the first place?"
"May I ask you a question?" The Lore-Keeper timidly asked after another few moments of silence.
"What is it, Lore-Keeper?"
"If… and, please know I only ask this in the most wildest of unlikely possibilities and chances that this could ever potentially come to pass… what would happen if an Unjudged was redeemed through Princess Charlotte's plan?"
"I don't know." The devil admitted, clearly not liking that. "If they are an Unjudged, then if they go from here to before God, they could bring Heaven's Wrath upon us… Father would not be too willing to show compassion to the denizens of this land who may have manipulated him."
"Once more, I only as this in an attempt to best understand the situation, Oh, Old One. But is it possible that we are overeating? Perhaps this sinner is taking a longer time to adjust to their new world; perhaps they were very close to being accepted to Heaven, and now all that needs to be burned away?" The Lore-Keeper asked, and lucifer scratched his chin once more, thinking things over.
"Yes, that is a possibility. The sinner seemed to be of the anarchic sort, he rebuffed all advances my Wife made towards him, perhaps he'd warm up to her advances if they hadn't met under such… unusual circumstances. And perhaps, you are absolutely correct, and all this turns out to be for naught."
"You don't believe… you don't believe any of the Overlords would be foolish enough to try and overthrow you, do you?"
"Ha! I know ALL of them would like nothing less than to dethrone me, but none of them have the power to do so, and this… boy. Is the worst possible way to go about their plan, if that is what they're after."
"Hrmm… this is quite unusual." The multi-eyed beast muttered, deep in thought.
"Now, I have a question for you, Lore-Keeper."
"Yes! Of course! Ask anything, and I shall answer!"
"What do you think I should do?"
"P-p-pardon?" The Lore-Keeper sputtered, taken aback by the question.
"Concerning this sinner, what would you recommend I do?"
"L-L-L-Lord of Darkness. I-I-I wouldn't dare presume to-"
"Lore-Keeper, you can relax with the formalities. I've kept you around these centuries because you have always been useful and always been loyal. I ask you this because you are one of the smartest demons that hell has ever, or will ever, see." lucifer said matter-of-factly, then sighed, growing somber. "And yet you sequester yourself to a life of reading…"
"My Lord, this knowledge I seal myself with is entirely so I may provide council to you in a case such as this." The Lore-Keeper said, the devil's plan working perfectly. "I believe you will have already considered this; but meet with your daughter. Without the sinner present."
"I have considered that. But meet without Mad Dawg? Why?"
"To see their true intentions." The Lore-Keeper replied, his tone changing to the maniacal, sly and monstrous one of someone who knew many things, and used those things for bad means. "Without the sinner, your daughter will feel like she may talk freely to you, no sense of 'management' or 'professionalism'."
"That… is genius…" The devil conceded. He planned to meet with his daughter, but he hadn't thought about that little detail of how she would answer his questions with or without Mad Dawg present.
"And as for the sinner, you claim he has met your wife?"
"Briefly, yes."
"Let her deal with him."
"How so?"
"If I may be blunt here, my Lord. Your wife is… a temptress, and a damn good one from what some of these sinners' files show…" The Lore-Keeper chuckled slightly at that, and even the devil chuckled. "Now, if this sinner, whatever his name is… let him be alone with her, and his reactions and choices will either prove, disprove or potentially damn his soul's purity. After which, your wife will either be able to stand before God and prove he did the unthinkable, or she'll have a new… what does she call them? Pets?"
"Yes, I guess that is an option…" lucifer nodded. "Thank you, Lore-Keeper. Your council is most welcomed. I await any further developments."
"Yes, sir!" The Lore-Keeper declared, saluting with a few of its eyestalks. As the devil left the ancient archives, his mind raced thinking of plans, answers, solutions, and in the end, he had what he needed.
"I don't know who you are, but I do know you're playing a very dangerous game here… Beta." The devil thought, grinning slightly as he disappeared into the shadows of the cathedral.
Next Time: One big question, one BIG answer…