DECEMBER 11 MONDAY

Sirius could could smell burning newt eyes. He could hear the faint screams of anguished souls!

But he couldn't see a thing.

"Where are we going? And when will you take your hands from my eyes?"

That was when they stopped.

"Ok we're here!" James removed his hands.

They were standing outside Slug's private chamber. James began to hand out their Fiendish Fisheyes.

"We really should get these things some chains."

The Fiendish Fisheyes were crown corks fitted with glass lenses and actual fisheyes, to be used for peeping through material that wasn't see-through.

They could see Slug pacing inside his chamber. He was scratching his receding hairline like he had forgotten something. Then he decided to pull out a chair, and through their fisheyes, the chaps had a perfect view of his chair and desk.

The chair had a cushion that looked like a cake. It was whiter than bleached teeth and really contrasted the dominating colours. Sirius gasped, because no cushion stuffed with goose feathers could be that firm. And he just knew that, although Slug wasn't very smart, there was no way he'd sit on those twelve burning candles.

And right he was. Slug moved the cake to the desk.

"Oh well," said Sirius. "It's the thought that counts."

"Keep looking!" said James and forced Sirius to keep looking.

Instead Slug sat down on the chair. CRASH! It broke under his weight like it had been constructed from gingerbread! Because it HAD been constructed from gingerbread! Poor Slug looked so confused where he sat in a puddle of gingerbread debris.

The chaps roared with laughter, but shushed each other when Slug looked at the door.

Sirius was deeply touched.

"Aw guys! You did remember!"

"We have a confession to make," said James. "When we said we had to be treated for highly contagious dandruff, well actually, we were making that cake and chair."

"You made that cake and chair? I had no idea you baked. That must have taken hours!"

"We didn't bake the cake, per se. It's not actually cake! It's soil mixed with some dead flies we found in lamps and some of McGonagall's cheapest whisky that we clothed in some marzipan. As for the chair. We built it from giant semi burnt gingerbread pieces that Beardie Weirdie had thrown out!

Inside the chamber, Slug fetched a plate. He cut himself a slice of cake and smelled it, his face punched back by the strong whisky aroma. The cake held together really well. Slug fed a fork of it to his moustache. The chaps howled with empathetic disgust, scarcely able to look.

Slug's face made the face of someone who didn't know what soil and dead flies tasted like. Then his face made the face of someone who realised that he had soil and dead flies in his mouth. He spat it out and began to scrape furiously at his tongue with his fingers.

This had to be the funniest thing since Pomfrey had announced through the tannoy system that Snape's scalp balm was ready.

Slug was coming towards the door and the chaps ran around the corner, and inside the potions lab.

"That was the best birthday prank a chap could ask for!" said Sirius. "A lot better than the one I got from my mum!"

"You got a birthday prank from your mum?" Remus asked.

"Not prank. What's the word?" He whipped out a black card and opened it.

YOU'RE A DISGRACE!

He closed it again. "These shouty cards will never catch on."

"So what makes it a birthday shouty card?" James asked.

Sirius opened it again.

IF YOU THINK I'M GOING TO WISH YOU A HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU DISGRACE-

He closed it again. "If you play it backwards, it says I love you."

"Does it really?"

Sirius flipped the card upside down. "ECARGSID UOY YADHTRIB-"

The walls began to bleed. Remus closed the card before the King of Demons appeared.

Slug did not appear to be looking for them. James pocketed his fisheye, and whipped out their new and shiny map. Sirius cleared the teacher's desk to make room for it.

"Who wants to know where Slug is!" James asked.

According to the map, Slug was still in his chamber. James blanked it.

"Ok let's sign this baby! I brought my fancy writing quill."

"What are we going with?" Sirius asked.

"I don't know. Tree names, I wish, because I came up with one: Dogwood."
"I also came up with one: Hornbeam."
"I've come up with a few," said Remus, fingering a list. "What do you think of monkey puzzle?"

"You mustn't pay any attention to those kids that call you names, they're only jealous."
"It's a real tree."
"You're not the monkey puzzle, they are."

"Before we fight over monkey's uncle," said James. "Look, the truth is, we haven't been entirely honest with you."

This confused Peter.

"You haven't been entirely honest with me?"

"Not you!" said Sirius. "Yeah. When we said we had to count all that pirate silver we found, well the truth is, it wasn't really that much silver."

"But it took you so long to count all that silver," said Remus.

"We haven't been counting silver. That was a lie."

"Oh ok."

A clock ticked.

"Why did you lie?"

"Because we didn't want to say what we really were doing, at the time."
"And... do you want to say it now?"

"Yeah now it's fine. We were aniforming."

"Really?"

And to show off their new skills, James popped into a magnificent stag and Sirius popped into a magnificent poodle. Peter looked hopelessly constipated. James and Sirius popped back into themselves. James zapped Peter into a mouse and put him on the desk.

"I wanted all of us to master it, before we said anything. But it was just taking way too long."

He zapped Peter back to normal.

"I did it!"
"So that's what you'd been doing?" said Remus. "Why couldn't you just say that?"

"I guess we wanted it to be a surprise, or wait for the right time…"
"A surprise? Is it my birthday, too?"

"Have you ever heard of the principle of animmunity?" Sirius asked.

"No I don't think so."

"I hadn't either until James invented it."

"I didn't 'invent' it," said James. "I propsed a theory. That's how theories work."

"Basically what it means is that, according to this principle he invented, werewolves don't kill animals."

"You are oversimplifying my theory. My theory is nothing more than a simple observation of the fact that werewolves only target wizardfolk."

"How would you have been able to observe that?" Remus asked.

"What do you mean, 'how would I have been able to observe that' ? It's basic knowledge! No one's ever heard of a were badger!"

"I wanted to test this principle with a wall of badgers," said Sirius. "But we're still here so I don't know, maybe there is something to your theory."
"Nobel prize in the bag!"
"What's this got to do with you animforming?" Remus wondered.

"Isn't it obvious? It's so we can take you for walks! The principle I invented is what enables that."
Remus did STILL not get it, that was why he was so amused.

"Are you really so embarrassed to be seen with me?"

"We say 'you'," said Sirius. "Obviously we mean Mr. Moony."
Not so amused now. Remus looked deeply shocked and anxious.

"What do you mean, your theory 'enables' that? And… 'we're stil here'..."

"Well we couldn't very well tell you all this without first making sure it really is safe now could we? That's kind of why it had to be a secret."

Now Remus looked absolutely horrified.

"You haven't!"
And he had thought it was the meditation finally paying off.