Natalie held Adrian for a long time after he received the shocking news that his father had been hospitalized earlier that day as the result of a stroke. She knew Adrian's relationship with his father had not been easy. Despite seeing some progress when Jack came to visit in December, she was surprised at her husband's sheer brokenness over the news. He finally took a couple of deep breaths and released his tight hold on her, pulling away to look in her face.
"What's really troubling you, Adrian?" she asked, placing her hand against his cheek. "I know there's more going on here than the obvious."
He looked into her eyes with a deep sadness she hadn't seen in a long time. "I…I talked to Ambrose three days ago. He had just talked to Jack and was trying to get him to move back here again, but Jack said he didn't want to…" Adrian trailed off, his face etched with pain.
Three days, Natalie thought. That was when she had seen Adrian's mood change; that's when he had grown so impatient with her and Sophia. "Go on," Natalie said gently. "You know you can tell me anything."
Adrian again looked into Natalie's eyes, beautiful eyes filled with kindness, understanding, love…yes, he could trust her with the deepest, darkest parts of himself. He gripped onto her hands and held on to them like a lifeline, the only thing keeping him from sinking into the depths of his troubled mind.
"He…he told Ambrose he wouldn't move back because…"
"Because what?"
He took another deep breath. "Because he doesn't think I want him here, and he won't live here if he's not welcome. He's not even sure I love him. He asked me to forgive him when I saw him years ago, but I never could." He lowered his head, unable to bear the disappointment in his wife's eyes.
There was silence, then he felt her arms go around him as she once again, pulled him to herself. He lowered his head to her shoulder, then she kissed his temple and stroked his back. Natalie understood now. Adrian had been so consumed with the confusing, complex thoughts he was having regarding his father, it had deeply affected him. She knew he was struggling with the ability to forgive his father and learn to trust him again, but he also seemed to be struggling with some guilt over these feelings. Then, with his mind working the way it often did, this struggle had morphed into a fear that he would end up doing the same thing to his own family. As Adrian gripped her tighter, she knew what had to be done.
"You have to go see him," she said.
He reluctantly pulled away from her warm embrace. "Yes, I do." Once again, she knew his thoughts before he could even speak them. "Will you please see if you can book the first flight available while I pack." He stood and pulled out the suitcase he had just returned to the closet.
"Flight?" asked Natalie. "Are you sure? We could drive."
He looked up as he pulled clothes out of his side of their shared dresser. "You know I would prefer that, but it would take too long. Even if I left in an hour and drove straight through, I wouldn't get there until almost 24 hours from now." He stopped, smoothing the shirt he had just placed in the suitcase. "My father may not last that long."
"Oh Adrian," said Natalie. "Is it that bad?"
He nodded. "Ambrose said they don't know if he's going to pull through. He may not have…" He wiped a lone tear that had fallen down his cheek. "another 24 hours."
"Ok, she said, picking up her laptop. Let me see what I can find, but it may be hard to find three seats at this late notice…"
"Three?" he asked. "No Natalie, I'm going alone."
Her jaw dropped as she looked up at him. "Alone? I can't let you fly alone!"
"I have to," he said as he continued to pack.
She walked over to him and grabbed his arm, "Why Adrian? Why do you have to go alone?"
He stopped packing and took her hands in his. "I wish more than anything you could come with me, but this is something I have to do by myself. What I need to say to my father needs to come from me, not from you, not even from us. It needs to come from just me."
"But," she protested, "Sophia and I could still come. We'll just stay at Jack's house while you're at the hospital."
He stroked her hand with his thumb. "Natalie, I need to do this."
"What, what if I find a sitter?"
"I don't know how long I'll be gone."
"You on a plane, all by yourself?
"I'll…I'll be ok sweetheart," he said as much to reassure himself as his worried wife.
As Natalie looked into her husband's eyes, Leland's words came back to her, "Let your love drive him to be better, not hold him back." It was then she realized it. Standing before her, was no longer the complex man-child she had come to work for almost eight years ago, who needed someone to care for him. Standing before her now was a man of conviction and purpose. He still had fears and had to deal with the compulsions that were a result of those fears, but he was also braver than she would ever be, and she saw a strength in him she longed for. He was working hard to be the husband she needed, the father the girls needed, and now, the son his father needed. As hard as it would be for her, she had to let go of the fear that gripped her own heart. She couldn't always keep him in the safe bubble she had tried so hard to create for him. She had to let him go. She had to let him face his fears and the demons of his past in his own way.
"I'm sorry babe," she said, pulling him to herself in a tight hug. Then she released him. "I worry because I love you, and…" she paused, putting her hands on his chest. "Part of my reason for wanting to come is just plain selfish. This will be the first time since we've been married, that we'll be apart this long. I don't know if I'm ready for that."
Adrian took hold of her hand and held it over his heart. She could feel it beating soundly, steadily. No, Natalie, we won't be apart. You will always be here, no matter where I go."
She couldn't speak because of the tightness in her throat, so she took his other hand and held it over her own heart.
At 5:00 am the next morning, Natalie held a sleepy Sophia as they waited to say goodbye to Adrian before he boarded his 6:00 am American Airlines flight from San Francisco to Midland, Texas. He acquired his boarding pass and was preparing to go through security.
He looked at his watch and said, "It's time." Natalie had tried to be brave so she wouldn't scare Sophia, but as soon as Adrian said those words, her tears began to flow. Sophia's chin quivered, not understanding what was happening, but empathetic to her mother's emotion.
"Adrian's heart broke when he looked at them. "Please don't cry. I'll be back before you know it." He took Sophia into his arms and rubbed her back, whispering to her that he loved her and to be good for her mama. He kissed her cheek, then handed her back to Natalie. He pulled his family into his arms one last time. "I'll miss you so much," he whispered. Then, he kissed the salty tears on each of Natalie's cheeks before letting his lips linger on hers for as long as he could.
Natalie felt strength in his arms and a promise in his kiss that fortified her resolve. When he let go, she wiped away the remaining tears and smiled bravely. "We'll be ok. Go do what you need to do, then come back to us."
"I'll call often. I love you!" he said, as he began to walk away.
"Adrian!" Natalie called, just before he got to security. "I almost forgot." She ran up to him, an envelope in her hand.
"What's this?" he asked.
"Read it when you get settled on the plane," she said, kissing his cheek. Then, she and Sophia waved goodbye.
After an unpleasant pass through security, Monk boarded the plane, pushing through the crowded aisle. He tried not to touch the other passengers any more than he had to, but the brushing of arms and shoulders was somewhat unavoidable. He was relieved to find his seat and quickly stashed his carry-on in the overhead compartment before sitting down to get as comfortable as possible. He was glad he was in row 10. Hopefully, that meant the flight would go well, but as his stomach twisted in knots, he shifted in his seat and adjusted his seatbelt, eager to get it over with. Then, he looked up and saw the call button. Without thinking, he pushed it. An attractive, dark-haired flight attendant heard the call and started towards his seat, but when she saw the passenger who had pressed the button, she immediately turned around and walked back to the galley. She found one of the other attendants and grabbed her arm.
"Hey, you see that passenger in 10D. You need to help him."
"Why? That's your section," said the younger, blonde woman.
"You don't understand," said Leigh "I couldn't fly for almost ten years because of that man! I just came back six months ago."
The blonde attendant peeked through the curtain and shrugged. "Oh, he's just nervous, probably afraid of flying. I get them every day." She walked down the aisle and stopped just before Monk's seat. "Hello sir, can I help you?" She asked in a slow, southern drawl.
"Hello Savannah," he said, reading her name tag. "I would like to know if this airplane was thoroughly checked for safety before boarding began."
"Yes sir," she said as cheerfully as possible, "every plane goes through a rigorous check before each flight. Is there anything else I can help you with?"
"No, that will be all," Monk said.
Savannah made her way back towards the galley. "That wasn't so bad," she said, looking at Leigh.
"You just wait," said Leigh.
"I think he's kind of cute."
"Yeah, sure he's cute, but he'll drive you to drink, trust me."
Just then, the call button from Monk's seat beeped again.
Leigh looked at Savannah. "He's all yours."
She sauntered back to Monk's seat. "What can I help you with now, sir?" she asked.
"Do you know when this airplane was last sanitized?"
"Oh, these planes are thoroughly cleaned between each flight. Don't worry, I don't like germs either," she said with a giggle.
"Thank you. That…. that's quite a relief."
"Alright sweetie," said Savannah, touching his arm. "I've got to go get snacks and drinks ready, but you just let me know if you have any other questions."
Monk leaned back in his seat and tried to relax. He hadn't slept much in the last forty-eight hours, so maybe he could sleep through the flight. Just then, a man in his mid-seventies with shoulder-length, grey, wavy hair stood beside Monk's seat and said, "Excuse me, I've got the window seat." Monk stood up and scooted into the aisle to allow the man in. "I wasn't supposed to be on this flight," the man continued, "but there was some sort of mix up and I got moved to this one."
Monk looked at the man briefly as he took his seat, but he did a double-take and looked back at him. He was astounded at how much the man reminded him of his father. After taking their seats, the man noticed that Monk kept looking at him, so he put out his hand and introduced himself. "The name's Tom Kingston."
A little embarrassed at being caught staring, Monk shook his hand. "Adrian Monk. I'm sorry to stare. You just look a great deal like my father."
"Oh really," said Tom, "well then, he's a good-looking man. Where does he live?"
"He lives in Midland," said Monk. "I'm going to see him."
"I hope you enjoy your visit," said Tom. "I'm going to see my son."
Their conversation was interrupted by the flight attendants' pre-flight safety demonstration. Savannah winked at Monk before heading back to the galley.
"It seems you've caught someone's eye," said Tom, noticing the wink.
"What?" said Monk. "I'm a happily married man."
"You might want to tell her that."
It was then that Monk remembered the envelope Natalie handed him at the airport. He pulled it out of his jacket pocket and opened it, removing a folded piece of paper. He put it up to his nose, inhaling the sweet scent of her perfume. Then he unfolded the paper and began to read.
Dearest Adrian,
Before I begin, I want you to know how very much I love you. I know I say it every day, sometimes multiple times a day, but I do, more than life itself. You are everything to me, my love. You (too) often say you don't deserve me, but as I sit here writing, I wonder what I did to deserve you. You are a better husband and father than I ever could have hoped or asked for. You love us unconditionally and sacrifice daily for our happiness. You give us safety and security, but also warmth and joy. If you could know the hours I must have spent dreaming what sharing a home and a life with you would be like, but the reality is far beyond anything I could have imagined. Your love is a precious gift I will never take for granted. I am certain you were sent to me, to take care of me and the girls, long before you or I ever realized it. I must have someone up there looking out for me.
I also want to tell you how very proud I am of you for making this trip to see your father. I understand your fear of flying, and yet, there you are on an airplane because, in your heart, you knew it was the right thing to do. That's how it is with all of your fears. They're there and they're real to you, but they don't stop you from living your life and doing your job. That's a bravery I wish I had. I will ask Molly and her parents to pray for your father's recovery. They are God-fearing people, and I believe He listens to them. As you prepare to speak to Jack about the things on your heart, know that my thoughts are with you. Just speak the truth. That's all anyone can ask.
As I write this letter, I'm sitting here beside you in bed while you sleep. I look over at you and my heart already aches because I know how much I'll miss you. I'll miss waking up to the sound of your heartbeat below my ear. I'll miss your warm, brown eyes looking down on me as you say good morning. I will miss your strong arms and your soft lips before you leave in the morning. I will miss the anticipation of you coming home in the evening. I will miss our shared meals and watching you love our baby girl, who I know will also miss you greatly. I will miss helping you with your work and talking with you as the day winds down, and perhaps, I will miss you most during the quiet of the night when I reach over to hold you, but only find cold sheets and an empty pillow in the space you usually occupy. If at night, you reach out for me, know that I am reaching out for you as well.
I will anxiously wait for your return but know that you go with my love, my prayers, and my blessing. You are doing the right thing, and I couldn't be prouder. Come back to us as soon as you can and tell Jack that we love him and hope to see him soon.
Yours forever,
Natalie
Adrian wiped away a tear that had fallen down his cheek, then carefully refolded the letter. As he slid it back into the envelope, he noticed there was something else in there. He opened the envelope wider and reached in, pulling out a picture of his family, which Ambrose had taken at Christmas. He lovingly touched the photo, gazing at the beautiful faces of his wife and daughters. He loved them so dearly. He closed his eyes with silent gratitude. He was a blessed man, and he knew it.
"So, have you heard from our passenger in 10D?" asked Leigh as she and Savannah unloaded the service cart.
"No, he's been pretty quiet, but look at him," said Savannah, pulling the curtain aside.
"Well, what do you know," said Leigh. "That's the look of a man in love if I've ever seen it."
Tom looked over at Adrian as he held the picture almost reverently in his hand. "Is that your family?" he asked.
"Yes," he said, showing him the picture. "This is my wife, Natalie," he said pointing. This is my step-daughter, Julie, and this is Sophia, who we adopted in November.
"Wow!" said Tom. "What a beautiful family. How long have you two been married?"
"We were married last August," said Adrian.
"Oh, you're still newlyweds," said Tom, "and you're making this trip without them?"
"Yes," said Adrian. "My father…he had a stroke…not doing well. I needed to get to him as quickly as possible."
"I'm so sorry to hear that," said Tom. "I can understand the urgency. I don't know what I would do if anything happened to my son. He's in Midland and I live in Oakland. I wish we lived closer, but his job took him out there a couple of years ago."
Adrian looked over at his seatmate. Something about the man, possibly the uncanny resemblance to his own father, was drawing him in. He wouldn't normally feel comfortable sharing private matters with a stranger, but something about this man put him at ease. "You must have a good relationship with your son," he said.
"Yes, I do," said Tom. He hesitated, but he sensed the younger man in the seat next to him needed to hear his story, even though it was somewhat difficult to tell. "We do now, but it hasn't always been that way." Adrian focused his attention on his seatmate, listening intently, so Tom continued. "I was not a good father. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I was not very nice to my wife or my son. I drank a lot and couldn't control my anger. After my wife had enough, she threatened to take my son and leave me. I was angry with her and did what I usually did when I was angry. I went out drinking, but that night, instead of going home, something snapped, and I didn't. I just took off driving and never looked back. I ended up homeless in Frisco for a while, but when I'd hit rock bottom, a kind stranger picked me up off the street, quite literally, and took me to the Salvation Army homeless shelter. That was a new beginning for me. They got me into AA, so I gave up the booze and got a job. I promised God that if He would give me my family back, I would do anything for Him, so I started volunteering at the shelter and working with the homeless."
"Did you get your family back?" asked Adrian.
"No, not right away, and not in the way I wanted. You see, my wife had already found another man by the time I turned my life around, a real decent guy. I couldn't blame her after what I'd put her through, so when she sent the divorce papers, I signed them without a fuss. She also didn't want me to see our son, which I also couldn't blame her for, so I let them live their life, and I moved on as best as I could with mine."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Adrian, "but it seems that at some point you must have reconnected with your son."
"Yes," said Tom. "About five years ago I got a letter from him. He wanted to let me know that his mother had died in a car accident. He had gone through a lot of soul searching as a result of it and had turned his life over to God. We met shortly after that, and by what I say was nothing short of a miracle, he had forgiven me, completely, and wanted to give me a second chance. He had recently gotten married and had a baby on the way. He said he wanted to give that baby a chance to know his grandfather, so now I not only have my son back, I also have a wonderful daughter-in-law and two beautiful grandbabies." He pulled a picture out of his wallet to show Adrian. "I thank God every day for this gift."
"That's wonderful," Adrian said, looking at the picture.
Tom looked out the window for a moment, but then looked back at Adrian, compelled without explanation to ask the next question. "How about you? Are you and your father close?"
Adrian looked down, hesitant to reveal all, but then looked again at the man who he felt inexplicably drawn to. "It could be better," he said.
"How so?" asked Tom.
"Well, it's not so different of a story from yours, actually. He ran out on my mother, brother, and me when I was eight. He didn't end up homeless, though. He became a trucker, but I didn't see him or talk to him again until about four years ago."
"And how did that go?" asked Tom.
"We worked some things out somewhat," said Adrian. "I know he regrets what he did."
"That's great," said Tom. Then, he caught Adrian's eyes and looked squarely into them. "And how are things now?"
Adrian swallowed hard. "I invited him to come for Christmas last year, and meet my wife and daughters. We had a pretty good visit."
"That's great," said Tom."
The two were quiet for a while, but Adrian had a feeling there was more his seatmate wanted to say, and it was making him very uncomfortable. He was relieved to hear the bell that signaled the passengers to buckle their seatbelts and prepare for their landing at Midland International. The approach and landing went off without a hitch, but while they awaited their time to disembark, Tom reached over and touched Adrian's arm.
"Adrian," he said gently, "I will be praying for your father to recover, and I pray you will have the chance to share with him what's on your heart. Take it from a foolish, old man. Life is too short for anger and bitterness. It will eat you up inside. And being on the receiving end, I can tell you that next to God's forgiveness, my son's forgiveness was the single most important moment in my life. I'm not sure I would have survived without it."
Adrian stared again at the Jack Monk look alike. How could he possibly know how much he'd been eaten up with many, many years of anger, and recently, guilt. He mumbled a thank you, then retrieved his carry-on. He sent Natalie a quick text to let her know he had landed safely and waited to disembark. Within the hour, he would hopefully be at his father's side. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, fearing it would be too late.