The red and blue lights danced rhythmically through the sheer coverings of the side panels beside the front door as a soft knock echoed through the house and to the living room. Sawyer stood defensively and motioned for me to wait on the couch where we had been watching Smallville reruns. His face was pleading, as though he knew something bad was on the other side of that door. It was late, after all. I watched from the couch, cranking my neck to see while my brother's hand reached for the lever handle. The door opened. Dad's best friend and his wife stood on the porch steps in front of a woman in a business suite and a uniformed officer. They all filed into the house. It felt crowded. It felt heavy, like the air was too thick to breathe.

Sawyer was beside me again on the couch and, instead of comfortable pajamas, we were in all black, both staring aimlessly around the place that had once been a safe space to call home. Dark shadows of indistinct people floated around us, filling the rooms in a quickened blur. Olivia, Charlie, Bella… some had faces worth remembering, while most were just there to overstay their welcome. I looked to my right as the distorted figures grew louder looking pleadingly at my older brother. He looked back and held my hand as shadow kneeled before us, placing her hands on our knees as she looked up with eyes reminiscent of our dad's. She forced a smile as tears poured from her eyes, her strength cracked yet resolute in the face of the orphans of her brother and sister-in-law that she had just inherited.

I awoke with a slight gasp for air, the memory or dream or whatever having caused a major disruption to any feeing of a satisfying slumber. Clearly, the events from the previous night triggered my mind to visit dark and unhappy thoughts of my own, and I didn't like it. I pushed it out. This was all old emotions that I had already revisited so many times in therapy that rehashing it now was futile. Inside, I knew that I was at peace with it. Disturbed, but understanding. Angry but unable to change it. The feelings coursing through me were just symptoms of the trauma and memory. They would fade and soften in a few minutes when I focused on the present and the things I could affect.

I sat up, picking up on the whispering drifting into my bedroom from the living room, a dull, overcast light creeping through the window as my eyes wandered. It almost made everything seem unreal, like I was still dreaming. But my ears knew. They knew it was real.

Just like everything that happened last night was real. Bella.

"And there's no change in her this morning?" I heard Olivia say as I peeked out my cracked door. Her face fell as she stared at the carpet. "Oh… I see. Let me know if there is anything I can do. Oh? Yeah, yeah. I'm sure Valerie would be happy to do it… No, I'll ask her. She's still sleeping… Sounds good. Bye Charlie."

Olivia hung up the phone with a heavy sigh, still staring down at the white rug. It was Charlie who truly was stressed, but here, in my living room, it was radiating off of my aunt. Something dark was running through her mind. That much was obvious as her green eyes shifted uncomfortably. I walked out of the hall and approached her, which seemed to be enough to snap her out of it. Olivia slapped a smile on her face for me, still clinging to the phone. Inside my head flashed the image of her in all black, keeling before me with that same smile before I returned to the white and grey living room.

"Good morning, Val. Do you want some breakfast? I made an egg bake." She was trying to act as though everything was okay, but I had already seen it wasn't.

"Aunt Liv, is everything alright?" I stepped closer, my shoulders slumped in my oversized t-shirt.

Olivia's facade faded. Concern riddled her face.

"Valerie," she started, stumbling in her own mind. "Promise me that you'll talk to me if anything ever happens. Don't clam up. Please. Not again."

Not again.

Not like when Mom and Dad died. When both Sawyer and I went through our depression and rebellion I knew it was bad, I just never processed what it had done to Olivia until this moment. God. How stupid I was. All those times I had gotten angry with her as she acted like everything was okay when in reality she was only trying to hold herself together. She was helpless, unable to know what to do or how to act even. Our new caregiver was left clueless while darkness swallowed us. Now, it was happening in this family again. This time, it was Bella who had shut down. This time, Charlie suffered the consequences.

I nodded slowly and moved forward to hug Olivia, holding back the tears full of angry and confused memories that pushed against the back of my eyes. The yelling, screaming, the pushing away. My mind couldn't focus on it all too long. It hurt. After a long moment, we split, both wiping our eyes of the few teardrops.

Olivia cleared her throat. "So, do you want some food? I thought we could go to Charlie, see if we can help in any way. He did ask if you could bring Jacob's bike back using Bella's truck."

"Absolutely," I bounced nervously. It would be good to see Jacob again, plus an escape may be necessary depending on the atmosphere of the Swan residence. "We should bring Charlie some egg bake. God knows he isn't cooking. He needs to eat more than take out."

"Good thought, kid." Olivia wrapped an arm around me briefly as we both stared at the egg bake, both hungry, but now really wanting to eat. "Maybe we should eat with him. Go get ready, okay?"

I nodded, forcing the corner of my mouth into an absent smile as I shifted to return to my room. Scouring through my clothes to find an outfit was harder than I anticipated. I instinctively gravitated towards anything that was black, which was silly. This wasn't a funeral. Bright colors didn't seem entirely appropriate for such a depressing situation. Eventually I settled on a dark red sweatshirt. After showering and getting dressed, I emerged from my room and we left the house.

Olivia knocked on the front door lightly before we let ourselves into Charlie's house. He was sitting at the kitchen table grasping one hand on his coffee cup and another to his head before looking up at us. Charlie stood slowly. His robe and clothes were in disarray as though he hadn't slept a wink, just tossed and turned all night. My heart sank for him. With Bella's track record of disappearing in dire times, Charlie probably was fearful that she would take off again.

"Hey Valerie," Charlie said quietly.

I moved forward, hugging his warm torso softly. As my head was turned, I could see that the coffee pot, much like his mug, was almost empty. Had he been drinking coffee all night? My brow furrowed as we pulled apart. I flashed Olivia a look. She didn't seem too surprised and simply moved to make a new pot after handing me the egg bake.

"We…we brought breakfast," I tried to say cheerfully, only to fail. It was not convincing. I set casserole dish on the table and moved to get plates and forks.

"You guys didn't have to do this," Charlie uncovered the egg bake, followed by a barely audible growl of his stomach. "It—this does look good."

"We'll eat some first and then Valerie can bring Jacob's bike to him." Olivia served out the food and prepared two additional cups for coffee. "Will Bella eat anything?"

Uncle Charlie shook his head, looking up for a brief moment towards Bella's room. "I tried last night. Maybe now…"

"I'll go try," I said, nabbing a small plate of food. Bringing it up to her room, I knocked on the door and entered slowly.

In this moment, she was terrifying, like the kind of horror you see in a ghost movie. The comatose patient who stares at nothing. That was Bella, sitting in the chair, staring through the window at the woods. When she could see me in her peripheral vision, she shifted slightly, her eyes closing partially.

"Hey, Bella. Olivia and I came. We brought egg bake," I gestured to the plate even though she couldn't really see. "It's pretty good. Lots of veggies."

"…No." Bella's response was barely a whisper.

Great. That went well.

…

I had never been so grateful to make a bike delivery. Even more of a perk, I got to drive Bella's quirky truck. I hadn't drove a manual vehicle since Sawyer took me driving in the deserted back roads of upstate New York, so it took me a while to get in a solid, sufficient rhythm. The trick of the double-pump clutch didn't help my cause, but I had my eyes on driving the truck since I first saw it. Eventually, I made it to the Black house, coasting into the driveway as to not spray the gravel all over the yard. I flipped up my red hoodie before opening the door and stepping into the drizzly world.

"Valerie!" I heard Jacob call from the direction of the house.

Turning, I smiled. "Hey," I gestured to the back of the truck. "I've got your bike."

"Awesome," he clapped his hands together as he came to the back of the truck with me. "So, uh. How's it going over there?"

Opening the back of the truck, a groan rumbled deep in my throat. "Not great. Please, distract me for a while so I don't have to go back just yet?"

"Absolutely," Jacob laughed nervously as he lifted out his bike, his arms bulging underneath his long sleeve shirt. "How is she? Bella, I mean."

"Bella," I exhaled her name, kicking a stone as we walked down the driveway to Jacob's shed. "She still isn't talking. Won't eat. Won't drink. All she does is stare at the woods like she's waiting for him to walk out."

"That Cullen guy?" Jacob's head turned quickly to me, curiosity mixed with frustration in his eyes. "Do you think he really just left her in there? In the woods?"

I twitched. "God, what kind of a person does that? He had to have. Why else would Bella be in the woods repeatedly saying, 'he's gone'? She doesn't just go into the woods. That's not Bella. Hey, what did Harry mean when he said 'good riddance'? That wasn't about those stories Quil was telling, was it?"

"Harry is one of them that buys into it," Jacob scoffed. "To be grateful that they are gone is a little stupid but my dad said the same thing when I told him."

"That does seem pretty insensitive of them, considering what Bella is going through now."

"How long do you think it will last?" he asked, slowing as we approached the shed doors.

"It's hard to say. Everyone grieves differently." My stomach churned. Grief. That took me two years to get through, and in reality, the stages never stop. They cycle, as evident in my dream last night. But my loss was much more significant, wasn't it? Maybe that wasn't fair of me to think…

"How long were they together?" asked Jacob, practically reading my mind.

I puffed in concentration, doing the math in my head, strain evident in the crinkle on my brow. "Six or seven months?" Bella had only moved here just in the past March. She didn't even know him a year.

"Sometimes it's not about how long you've known someone. Sometimes you just feel it…" Jacob strayed. "You'll keep me updated, right?"

"Of course," I sat down on the bench inside Jacob's shed.

Jacob propped the bike in the corner. "So, hey. See anything else weird last night?"

"Huh? Oh! The shadow. No, nothing but rain." My eyes squinted. "What do you think it was?"

"Bear or moose, take your pick," he laughed.

…

I couldn't spend all day at Jacob's house, even though I wished for it. Eventually, I had to make my way back to Uncle Charlie and Bella's house, where nothing had changed. Walking into the house, Charlie and Olivia were sitting at the kitchen table talking in whispers but stopped when they saw me.

Olivia turned around in her seat. "Hey Val. How was Jake's?"

"Good," I sighed, leaning against the counter. "We just hung out in his garage. He was happy to have his bike back, so he told me to thank you for letting me bring it there with Bella's truck."

"Thank you for being willing," Charlie nodded.

"So, any changes?" I hesitantly asked.

"I spoke with the hospital staff. Apparently, Dr. Cullen had a job offer in Los Angeles," spat Charlie. He was extremely sour, and I could understand why.

"Bella still hasn't come down," Olivia completed my thought. "I brought her some water and saw the egg bake still sitting there. I don't know if she's touched it yet."

"I could go up and check," I offered.

"That would be great, hun." Olivia smiled, giving a forceful nod. I could see in her head she was praying that I could get something out of Bella.

Charlie's face read a little differently. He looked sick, like he knew I would come back down unsuccessful.

Determined to prove him wrong, I grabbed a glass from the drying rack beside the sink and filled it with cool water. With each step I took up the carpeted stairs, I contemplated what would be best to say to Bella in this situation.

When my parents died, people constantly asked me if I was okay. It was the dumbest thing in the world. Of course I wasn't okay. Two of the most important people in my life had died so suddenly in a car crash, leaving me as a helplessly emotional pre-teen. The pain that was felt at that time was unbearable. No matter what anyone said, I couldn't be pulled out of it.

I'm sure that's how it was going to be with Bella, now.

Outside the bedroom, I paused, before knocking timidly on the door. There was no response, so I slowly turned the door knob and entered to find the stale room with pale lighting basking through the half open window blinds. Bella was laying on her side facing the opposite direction, partially under the purple bedspread. There wasn't a single movement from her as I approached, announcing myself.

"Bella?" I glanced at the desk where there was untouched food and water. "U-um. I brought you some, er, more water."

"Already had water," her voice croaked, making the statement laughable. Bella sounded as though she had walked through the desert for five days.

"Well," I deeply exhaled, "I figured you wouldn't want to come down, so…"

Bella hesitated, her head turning ever so slightly, enough to expose her red and puffy face.

"Thanks."

I bounced my head in a solid nod awkwardly, taking the plate of cold food. I wouldn't probe. That was enough for now. Hey, at least she moved from the chair.

A/N: We are entering the "zombie" stage when Bella sits in a chair for months just staring…also, go listen to Stevie Nicks 'Moonlight' because what a parallel inspiration. Speaking of, some chapters have been paired with songs in my own notes that vibe with what's happening and help me keep the mood I'm going for as I edit. Let me know if you would be interested in my selections! Anyway, as the months pass for Bella in a haze, enjoy the holidays, field trips, crushes, and general weirdness that will ensue.