Hi all, sorry for not posting for so long but I am still working on this fic, more to come !

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"Lily wait!" James called desperately after her, he didn't even stop to acknowledge a furious Snape before running off after.

"Woah careful, you nearly bowled me right over!" Sirius said as Lily rounded the corner and ran straight into him.

"S-sorry" she stammered regaining her balance.

"What you running for? Trevor get a bit handsy?".

"N-no I just wanted to get back to the dorm I'm not feeling good".

Before Sirius could reply she had walked away. Sirius hadn't got much further before:

"Woahh! Jeez prongs not you too, you lot are going to break my ribs at this rate".

James had also just pelted into him.

"Have you seen Lily?"

"Yeah" Sirius chuckled "she nearly knocked me down too sprinting off to the portrait hole... what's wrong?" He had seen James's face fall.

"Augh it all went tits up again didn't it"

"I knew you shouldn't have gone to the party, was she really pissed?".

"Sort off, but after she told Trevor to fuck off we talked and well... we kissed".

"You kissed?! What's the problem then? Was she that bad at it ? Does her breath smell like dungbombs?"

"No, no, it was brilliant it was like all the stars aligned like the universe knew it was meant to be or something".

"So!" Sirius said looking disgruntled "hurry up I don't get what the problem is".

"Snape came out of nowhere shouting his head off and..."

"-Oh well that's annoying and he's a stupid git but it's not the end of the world prongs no first kiss is perfect".

"It's not that!" James said annoyed "it's the look she had when we broke apart like she'd never regretted anything more".

"I don't get it, she kissed you back didn't she?"

"Yeah but she said all this stuff before the kiss about not wanting to put me in danger with her being a muggle born. I think she's so busy trying to take her idea of the moral high ground she's just lost all perspective". James replied shaking his head "I'll go see if I can find her, she'll have gone back home by tomorrow morning and by the time the holidays are over I bet she would have talked herself out of having anything to do with me".

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Lily had run straight up to her room shutting the door softly, she didn't want Mary or Alice to have stayed awake to ask her how it went. Lily was in this moment thankful to have her own room for the sole reason that she could sob without disturbing anyone. She had tried so hard not to give in to her feelings, but perhaps James was right maybe she was being over the top. Either way she was glad to be going home tomorrow she couldn't face James just yet, the holidays would give her time to think.

There came a soft tap on her door

"Lily?"

Of course it was him, Lily hadn't turned her light on, hopefully James would think she was sleeping. After a couple of minuets she heard footsteps shuffle away.

XXXX

"Well?" Sirius said as James re-entered the otherwise empty common room.

"Nope wouldn't answer, I couldn't see a light though maybe she was asleep".

"She only ran past me two minutes ago I doubt it" Sirius replied sceptically.

James sighed "well there's not much more I can do about it now, let's just go to bed".

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Lily had gotten up extremely early the next morning written a hurried note to Mary and Alice before going to Professor Mcgonigals office to use the flu network. She was home before any of the inhabitants of her house had woken up and decided to go straight to her room and unpack. She had barley begun to when the door opened.

"Oh Lily! You're home!" Her mother ran toward Lily enveloping her in a hug. After the disaster that had been the first term Lily nearly broke down at her mothers touch but was surprised that it seemed she wasn't the only one moved to tears. Her mother was sniffling quietly into her shoulder.

"Mum what's wrong?" Lily pulled out of the hug to look at her mother who was brushing away unshed tears.

"Oh it's nothing I'm just glad you're home safe" she replied forcing a smile "we've been so worried about you".

"I've been fine honestly it's been a good start of the year" Lily had of course not told either of her parents about the attempted attack or her bout in the hospital wing. The scars had faded and as far as she was concerned they would never find out what happened.

Considering Lily was back so early both petunia and her father were still in bed. She is instead joined her mother for breakfast picking out the actually enjoyable moments of her first term to relay to her. It was gone ten o clock before Petunia came down, and oddly her father wasn't up yet either.

"Tuney" Lily greeted her sister attempting a smile. Petunia of course replied with a glower "you woke me up! Clattering in at six in the morning! With dad in his condition too!".

"What condition? Is he sick ?".

Petunia almost looked smug at Lily being left in the dark "oh I'm sure mum thought it was too harsh for your precious ears. Yes dad is sick, he's dying Lily he's got cancer".

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"Oh Mary have you seen Lily?" James practically pounded on the girl as she came down from the dormitory.

"No" Mary sighed " there was a note from her James she's already left for the holidays".

James seemed to shrink upon hearing this news ruffling the hair on back of his head awkwardly. "Damn I really wanted to talk to her did she say anything to you ?".

"No she didn't" Mary replied concerned "why what happened ?".

"Augh Mary it was such a mess" James said sinking into Lily's favoured armchair.

" I did tell you not to follow her to that party" Mary said scouldingly taking the sofa next to him "what did she do?".

"She kissed me" James said flatly

"No she didn't !" Mary squeeled "oh James that's fantastic... what?" Her face crumpled as she looked at James.

"Snape interrupted us, and when we broke apart I could just tell she wished it had never happened. She ran off Mary and now she won't even talk to me".

Mary sat thoughtfully for a moment before, "James, this isn't going to be the end of her feelings for you. If anything I'm sure the kiss only would've strengthened things. But she isn't one to wear her heart on her sleeve, in a few days time it'll settle down and ... oh no".

"What ?!" James said suddenly startled he had beginning to feel soothed by Mary's words.

"I was going to suggest you send her a letter, but I don't know how you'll correspond".

"I'll just send my owl!" James replied eagerly "she doesn't seem bothered about upsetting her sister anymore so we could communicate that way!".

"Perfect" said Mary rising from the sofa "but make sure you're ... you know, sensitive and understanding and...".

"Ohh I can do all that" James interrupted smiling a little. Mary had managed to slightly reassure him that things could be patched up with Lily.

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"I can't believe you didn't tell me !" Lily fumed between tears.

"Keep your voice down!" Spat Petunia "do you want to wake dad up ?!".

"Lily I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" May her mother sobbed. "I know how busy you get at school and I just didn't want to add to your pressures".

"How long do they think he has?" She whispered.

"Months maybe, but no longer" said her mother chocking back tears.

"Then I'm not going back to Hogwarts in the new year" Lily retorted " I have to stay here and help".

Petunias eyes rolled dramatically at Lily's act of "sacrifice".

"This is exactly why I didn't want to tell you " May replied sadly " Dad would never want you to give up your education, it's too important Lils".

The next few days passed in a haze. Lily couldn't believe her dad was going to die just like that, she felt in being a witch there must have been something she could do but there was nothing.

She wrote to Alice Mary and Remus to tell them of the news but realised with a sob that she had no way to deliver the letters.

She was Interrupted of this thought however as a tapping noise came at the window.

Lily couldn't believe it when she realised the source of the sound was a Snow White owl, a letter in its beak.

She unlatched the window and watched the bird soar in landing neatly on her desk holding its leg out politely.

Lily took the letter with trembling fingers opened it and began to read.

Dear Lily,

I am writing this letter having not yet left for the Christmas break hopefully it does not take long to reach you. Lily I don't even know how to begin to say all the things I want to, all the things that for years I've wanted to tell you. So I will keep it short and sweet (like you). That kiss was the most amazing moment of my whole life and I know you felt it too. Your reasonings for not wanting our relationship are admirable but Lily with the way the world is going we could all be dead tomorrow and weather I end up with you or not will likely have very little consequence on that matter. I would much rather know I spend this time without regret.

Please write me back, dad has said he's more than willing to let me and the gang come down for the day sometime this Holliday if you need cheering up. Take us up On the offer yeah?

Ps I hope you don't mind me using Peveral here. I didn't know how else to contact you. He is yours for the holidays and should you wish to send anyone else a letter I told him to accommodate you.

Yours always James

Lily brushed back tears the in her eyes as she finished James letter. Finally Lily felt that James was right, dark times were coming and holding onto those you loved was really all you could do.

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The first few days of the Holidays had been miserable for James. He was almost certain his letter should already have reached Lily and her lack of reply was no encouragement.

His mother Euphemia was not used to this reserved solemn son.

"She'll reply soon you'll see" she said brining in a cup of tea to James.

"What? How do you..?" James had told neither of his parents anything about his Lily situation.

Euphemia gave a small laugh "James Potter although I'm no Sirius I still like to think I know you well enough to tell when your waiting to hear from a girl". She replied proudly.

"Oh yeah and I also told her" Sirius said grinning as he came into the room.

"Ah, well thanks Pad" James replied sarcastically.

"She'll reply soon mate don't worry I'm sure she's got a lot of catching up to do at home".

"If you like her James she must be a good person, she'll reply you'll see" Euphemia said comfortingly.

It wasn't until the fourth day of James and Sirius's return home that the reply was received.

The boys were in James' room flipping through the Daily Prophet when Sirius jumped up eagerly.

"Prongs look it's Peveral !"

Indeed it was, she soared into the window as James opened it for him and he practically snatched the letter from his leg mid air.

"It's from Lily !" James exclaimed ecstatic.

But as he began to read his face quickly fell into a deep look of anguish.

"James?" Sirius said anxiously "what is it ?".

"Lily's dad is dying. She wants me to send back Peveral as soon as possible so she can let the others know".

"Shit" Sirius said glumly

"Shes taken us up on the offer, still wants us to visit, maybe we could get together with everyone, Alice, Mary,Remus, Peter. Take her out for the day or something ?".

"Yeah mate" Sirius replied "that sounds nice".