James followed as Sirius led him and the others through the castle. The early morning light was bright, obnoxiously so, highlighting all the shadows beneath Sirius' eyes, as well as the irritated expression. As much as he tried to hide it, James couldn't help but catching Lily's eye as they walked, but all attempts to block the sights and sounds of their harried snogging session from his mind were moot.
They had dressed hastily before leaving their dormitory, and now that he knew what she wore beneath corduroy and denim, he was eager to continue what they started. And to think that she had wanted to go further had they not been interrupted was singular and glorious. After Peter left—James would be mistaken to assume he hadn't lost track of time—he had been tempted to take full advantage of the time provided. He was a cad, truly. And after James brought a semicolon to their interrupted sentence, she kissed him, and the world seemed far off and suspended in sunlight. They were untouchable, every touch more wonderful than the last.
He wished that they could have the castle to themselves, to be well and truly alone. Was it selfish to think that way? James knew that his friends needed him, relied on him, even. It wasn't fair to pass one off for the other; Lily and the Marauders couldn't possibly oppose one another. And he didn't want a singularity anyway. If he couldn't have his mates and his girl, God, what would that even make him? James had never approved of malicious secrets; he had nothing to hide—nothing to be ashamed of. He was proud of the way he could live life with nothing hidden away, no secrets to absolve.
But that wasn't to say that the meantime was any easier; James had felt the burning sensation of Sirius' glare when they met in the corridor. Matched (with a snort from Lily) with a thoroughly amused Remus Lupin, walking by his side.
Lily smiled when their eyes met, and as they walked side by side, she slipped her hand into his. Was it as simple as that? What had he ever been afraid of? Lily wouldn't make him choose; it wasn't mates or birds, were they not all friends together? Hadn't Lily gone to Sirius when they'd rowed, hadn't she asked for Remus when Mary needed Muggle medicine? And for years, hadn't she and Peter been partners in Herbology, working side by side before he and Lily had ever been friends?
James knew his mates were watching as he leant further in love with her, but he wasn't embarrassed, even if he had to remind himself not to be. He had nothing to be ashamed of; love wasn't shameful.
His mind sobered as he considered their destination— Marlene and Tony had been scouring the castle for hours, evidently, while he and Lily snogged in their dormitory. Were those his priorities these days? Not a horrible pastime, he thought, but still, was it a noble thought? Was Frank not worthy of freedom and time spent with those he loved just the same as anybody else? Was it wrong to want Lily more than he wanted his friends? What would his father think, James thought, if he were to ask?
His parent's courtship and marriage were decades out of date, and sometimes James forgot that his father was from another time. Fleamont Potter laid the cornerstone of his values on familial loyalty. Before all else, before oneself came the wants and needs of those closest to their hearts. Who composed that family tree these days? Whose needs would James Potter put before all others?
For so long, it had been the Marauders, and now that he had Lily, was it wrong of him to grow out of his principal affection, a brotherly affection— in exchange for a romantic one? James knew that Sirius was fighting to stay neutral in his relationship with Lily. Both were struggling, and James couldn't help but feel like he had left his best mate behind towards something adult, something distinctly other and foreign— something that made him stand taller and smile brighter. She was his future, long or short, bright or dull; she was everything he had ever wanted. Life after Hogwarts had for so long seemed a problem for another day, a reality so far into the future that it needed no thought or consideration. But it was already December, and their tenure was drawing to a close. Hogwarts wasn't meant to be theirs forever, and on the day he left forever, he knew who he'd be going with. His mates, his friends, his Lily, boarding the boat hand in hand.
Where did that leave Sirius? What would he make of his dizzy daydreams? Would he call them a farce, a bird indeed for thinking of marriage and babies in wartime? Where was his grit, his thoughts of brotherhood and camaraderie?
Sirius had lost so much, and after the attack in Hogsmeade, James felt as if he'd treated Sirius' sacrifices with dismissal. Accidentally so, but with the tension of the deal Sirius and the others had struck with Snape, James thought better of trying his luck. Snape was going to heal him, and James wasn't disillusioned enough to not realize that he would most likely have died of blood loss without Snape's intervention. They needed the slimy son of a bitch, and James tried to keep the sour taste out of his mouth at the memory.
James didn't know how Sirius had bargained Snape to do the spell in the first place; it seemed unlikely to have been anything but dear, but how dear? How much dare he press his friends for answers when their intervention had saved his life?
Sirius led them through a familiar path through the castle, and as James walked, he could feel the potion begin to fade and the pain set in.
He had known that it was foolish to engage in a romantic dalliance with his wounds the way they were. He knew better, but he couldn't help it. She was so warm and soft and alive, and she needed him. She wanted him, she had rested on his hips, demanding submission, and he had fallen without a second thought. And it hadn't hurt at the time, certainly not enough to consider stopping or slowing down.
James wanted to love her on her terms. He had tried so hard to fight the instinct to love her the way he wanted to be loved, firmly and thoroughly and without a second thought.
But the way James wanted to be with her couldn't interfere with the broadening respect he felt for her. She deserved to be loved gently, and more than once, he had awoken to her hips snug against his in sleep. He'd moved gingerly away as to not make clear to her the extent of his burgeoning lust for her. She was so beautiful, and he had waited so long, and when she kissed him, it was sunlight and firewhiskey turning through the sky. Lily was the great love of his life, and he wouldn't turn her away when she needed him, when she wanted him.
He tried to mask the severity of his discomfort from Lily; she was worried enough as it was. But his chest felt like it was split in so many places; pieces of his body that were once whole and unmarked were torn apart and hastily stitched back together. More than once, he wondered if Snape had fully healed him or just done the bare minimum to keep him alive and fulfill his promise. James knew Sirius, and a in a pinch Unbreakable Vow was bound to be riddled with loopholes Snape would know how to exploit without breaking the terms.
And even if it was a halfway job, at least he was alive. Perhaps spotting and discomfort was his penance for being stupid enough to get cursed in the first place. Anyway wasn't bleeding so much as spotting; the scabs and two-day-old skin were weak and thin and transparent. The sheets beneath him when he had woke were dotted with blood. James knew that Lily was afraid for him; God, he was afraid for him. What if what Snape did to counteract the dark magic hadn't worked? What if everything his friends had done to secure Snape's help was in vain?
James pressed a hand into his side, and a splitting pain exacerbated by the pressure in his torso stopped him in his tracks. He stumbled and reached for the wall, his breath coming short and fast.
The pain was intense and sharp, and beneath his jumper, his flesh felt warm and wet. His hand shook as he prodded the skin of his belly for the source of the pain, but it was everywhere. There was no direct point of impact. His belly seized in pain, and James pressed a fist to his lips to prevent an unwelcome bodily discharge, his steps fumbling and bowlegged.
His belly rolled with nausea, and the stitches shifted as he walked, pulling and rubbing against one another like broken glass. He tried to take a deep breath, to dull the pain, to refocus his eyes, but it was in vain. The potion, he must've taken the wrong one. It shouldn't have worn off so soon.
Remus stopped and turned, his eyes wide with surprise and shock as James slipped down the wall, his eyes unfocused and dim before all else faded away.
…
James woke to the familiar sight of worried faces above him. His eyes flickered in pain, and he felt the skin of his belly stretch painfully before his eyes had fully opened— the skin felt tight and hot like he had a bad sunburn. He pressed a hand to his forehead and blinked his eyes open.
"Oh, thank God," Lily breathed, sitting back against her chair with a sigh of relief.
"Just what did you think you were doing?" The Matron said sharply, pressing a piece of flannel to his forehead as James relaxed against the pillows. "Out of bed, in your condition? It's a miracle you didn't fall down a flight of stairs. You shouldn't be standing, much less exploring the castle,"
"The Matron and I had differing opinions on your current abilities," Lily said with a half-smile. Even in a clinical setting with no explicit undertone, James felt himself flush.
"You were discharged with strict instructions, Mr. Potter," Madame Pomfrey said tartly, flicking her wand in a complicated sort of way. In a flash, the dressings about his belly and chest unwrapped themselves and disappeared, leaving him feeling very bare under her scrutinizing glare. "No getting out of bed, taking your potions on time, and restricting your movements as much as possible until your wounds have healed,"
"Yeah, well, plans change," James said, feeling the need to cover himself. He knew it was foolish (hadn't he stripped to his pants in front of Lily just this morning?), but there was a small but steady part of him that was ashamed of the way he looked. It wasn't vanity (wasn't entirely vanity, at the very least), but he had been attacked, taken off guard. He hadn't been strong enough to fend off a couple of Slytherin's in hoods; what did Lily think of him now? His reasons for jumping in front of the curse aimed for Sirius were his own, and the way he had done so was confusing to him, even now. Why had he done it? Sirius was quicker with a wand than he was, certainly more familiar with curses and hexes learnt at his mother's knee. He could take care of himself, but James hadn't even hesitated. The curse meant for his best mate had hit him instead, and while James had saved Sirius from this particular affliction he hadn't saved his dignity. There was little else he hated more than pity, and the look in Lily's eyes made him want to turn away. He could hardly bear it.
He looked just past her—enough, with any luck, to be deflecting but not suspicious. He ran a quick hand over his fringe, unconsciously ruffling the hair at the back of his hand for something to do. His eyes widened, and he looked around, expecting to see Sirius and the others, but she was alone. It all came back to him in a sickening wave, had they found Frank? How had he abandoned his friends, not once, but twice?
"The others—" James said imploringly, hoping Lily understood. She shook her head and looked down.
"You need to be worrying about yourself before worrying about other people, Mr. Potter," The Matron said, applying a thick green paste to his wounds with her wand. His belly rolled at the smell and was reminded with a flush of nausea that he couldn't remember the last time he had eaten. Had it been a full twenty-four hours? He pressed a hand to his mouth and sat up at the Matron's instructions, his breath catching when the new bandages were applied with perhaps more force than necessary. "Has there been any more bleeding?" she asked. James turned away from Lily's earnest expression. He couldn't lie to her; he couldn't face her as he confirmed the hard truth they had both been trying so hard to forget.
"Yes," he said, clutching his wand as his movements exacerbated the pain in his belly. "But not bleeding like it had earlier, mostly spotting. The potions are helping; I must've taken the wrong one this morning," James sat up fully with a shuddering breath, moving to catch the Matron's eye. "Can I go?"
"You were bleeding?" Lily asked, taking hold of a corner of James' sheet. He gripped her hand, not quite able to look at her. "Why didn't you say?"
"Matron?"
"Certainly not," Madam Pomfrey said with a disapproving sniff. "You are to stay here under strict observation until your pain absolves itself. I'll have a tray brought up,"
"What about Evans?" James asked.
"If she can stay quiet and out of the way, I have no objections," The Matron said. "I have no qualms over small visiting parties, unlike those high Hippogryphs from St. Mungo's. Telling me what to do in my own ward, I couldn't believe the nerve,"
James watched with a hint of amusement as the Matron muttered to herself at the potion cupboard, but turned to Lily instead. She seemed to look through him, confident and calm, but also desperately sad. James' heart broke; if only she knew how much he'd never wish to see that look in her eye again. How much he wished that she looked to him not as an invalid, but as protector, provider. As someone who could take care of her, who could love her more than anyone else alive. Didn't she know that she was it for him?
James reached his hand towards hers, inches across the empty sheets, and Lily gripped it with abandon.
"How much longer until he can leave?" Lily asked, watching a tray zoom in through the Hospital Wing's open doors at the Matron's direction. It landed softly on James' lap, and she smiled as he dug in with the vigour of a starving man.
"Ah, now. Not just yet, you need to take this on an empty stomach," the Matron said, handing James a vile of a thin orange potion. He took it without question and resumed his breakfast. "I don't know, Miss Evans. He'll stay under my direction until we can find a long term solution to his wounds. Just what Mr. Snape did to him, I'll never know. And just why I agreed to let him—"
"James would've died had he not," Lily said suddenly, and the Matron tutted and left the room, muttering to herself.
Lily couldn't help but look to the door. Where were Sirius and the others? Had they found Frank yet? Was she stupid to have left them behind to wait at James' bedside? She knew that she wouldn't have rested easily had she gone with them, but staying on the sidelines was nearly as unbearable as being with him. If they got into trouble—
"Wait," Lily said, standing and walking towards the open door of the Matron's office. James made a noise of protest, but Lily couldn't help the feeling of dread that had settled in her belly. "Wait, Matron, I have a question,"
Even after seven years at Hogwarts castle, she still hadn't explored every room, and the Matron's office was new to her. The stone walls were cut with stained glass, and a large oak desk reigned supreme in the middle of the room. Large bookcases and cabinets lined with jewel-toned liquids lined the rest of the walls. The Matron was filing through paperwork, a pale blue quill in her hand.
"What is it, Miss Evans?" the Matron asked, looking up.
"It just occurred to me that Mr. Crouch is gone," Lily said, hoping the Matron couldn't see through her fib. "He was here, wasn't he?"
"Mr. Crouch is with the Headmaster," Madam Pomfrey, pulling her spectacles off of her nose. Lily nodded, folding her arms in an attempt to keep them from shaking. "At present, I am under the impression that his business at Hogwarts is his own, and the contents of their conferences are just as much a mystery to me as they are to you,"
"But surely you know what was wrong with him," Lily pressed. "He was your patient,"
"And he is a high ranking Ministry official," the Matron said, folding her hands on her desk. "I am not at liberty to discuss the ailments of those I serve."
"Who told you not to?" Lily asked.
The Matron sighed. "Miss Evans, there is no grand conspiracy. No one tells me what to do or what to say. Mr. Crouch's predicament is not an uncommon one, and misfired memory charms—"
"Ha!" Lily exclaimed, pointing a finger in the Matron's direction, who sighed.
"Be that as it may," the Matron pressed forward. "Mr. Crouch is being personally examined by Professor Dumbledore before returning to London. Now that Professor Dumbledore has returned for the remainder of the term, the Auror's and other Ministry personal will no longer be required. I'm sure the Headmaster will make known to you in due course. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a positive mountain of St. Mungo's paperwork to sort through before teatime."
Lily's mind swirled with information as she walked back to James' bedside, but she stopped short when she recognized the whips of brown hair peeking through the sheets on a bed to the back of the infirmary. Mary was fast asleep, resting peacefully. How had Lily forgotten about her? Mary was suffering just as much as James was, and she had been sidelined, ignored. Lily ran a hand over her forehead and kissed it, squeezing her hand in both of hers.
It was no surprise that things had slipped between the cracks with all that was going on, but was she wrong to assume that it could be connected? Despite the Matron's slip, it still didn't make sense. How was it all connected? It must be, she thought with conviction. It must be, because how else could all these events be separate and unrelated?
She had known when James collapsed that she would stay with him and let the other carry on. She could claim no ulterior motive other than with the knowledge that she wouldn't rest with an easy conscience had she not. She had caught Sirius' eye, and they had split ways without a word spoken. Did they understand one another so well? She had pulled James into her lap with Lupin's help, and once she was sure he was going to be okay, she had watched as they left down the corridor without another word. Luckily she had the presence of mind to kiss him softly and hover him to the Hospital Wing with the knowledge that he wasn't in any present danger. Surely it was to be expected; their activities this morning were without a doubt the most exerting he had done since his injury. Had she been foolish to want more from him when he was like this? She knew without a doubt that he was interested, and the look in his eye when she straddled him… God, that was a look that was sure to keep her up at night. And it had felt so natural, so simple, it was as if they were returning to a routine they had established years ago. The steps may be timid and unsure, but full and complete in their fruition. She remembered watching with bated breath as his hands wrapped around her belly, sighing, relaxing her neck as his thumbs brushed the band of her bra. She felt adored by his touch, by his awed expression and full kisses. Lily wanted so badly for him to take her, for him to go harder, faster, to take her without asking permission. But of course, it wasn't true. Wasn't their love more thorough in its delay? She knew without a doubt that he loved her with abandon, but it wasn't to say that she wouldn't take him at the earliest possible opportunity. She wasn't a blushing virgin anymore than he was, but she trusted him to take her gently; he wouldn't let her first time be fumbling and uncomfortable.
And as much as they both wanted it, Lily hated the thought that she had pushed him too soon after his injury. Still, in the moment, she didn't—no, couldn't think of anything else besides the feeling of his hands on her body, the firm weight of his body above her, the tickle of his fringe in her eyes as they kissed. It was perfect; he was perfect.
But of course, he wasn't, he was set in his ways, perfectionistic, judgemental of those who had wronged him. But didn't that make him all the more wonderful? She didn't need a cardboard cutout of the perfect man; she needed someone who could stand by her side, someone who would love her with her scars, not despite them.
When she returned to his side, his half-empty tray was sitting on the side table. She looked up in confusion, but he patted the bed next to him with a smile, and she sat.
"Why didn't you finish?"
"At least buy me a drink first," James said with a grin, and Lily rolled her eyes to hide her blush. "I saved some for you," James replied, crooking his finger and watching with distant interest as the tray hovered and dropped softly on her lap. "Exactly half,"
Lily stuttered, unsure of how to respond. James mistook her hesitation for disinterest and raised an eyebrow, but Lily shook her head, taking his fork with shock and admiration. "You did?"
"Sure," James said, leaning back against the pillows. "You haven't eaten either,"
Lily tucked in, raising her shoulder in an effort to hide the tears in her eyes. And it was silly; he had saved a bowl of porridge and eggs for her. But how long had it been since someone had done something for her expecting nothing in return? The emotions of the day rolled through her like an incoming tide, smaller and larger and growing closer with every moment.
She sniffed, a piece of egg on her fork when James laid a hand on her shoulder, and she turned. "What happened? Are you okay?"
Lily felt her lip quiver and eyes blur before her fork flew from her hand, and she fell into his arms. "God, James, I love you so much,"
James glowed with pride as she tucked herself deeper into his chest, resting her chin on his shoulder. Was that the first time she had said so? Did she notice? He pulled her close and breathed in her scent, fighting to keep tears out of his own eyes as she cried in his arms.
"I'm so sorry I couldn't be there for you," she said, fighting to keep the tears out of her voice. "I was so scared, so worried, I didn't know what I would do if you didn't come back. You're my whole world, you and the others, and I love you all so much. And when you fell in the corridor, it all came rushing back; what if Sev didn't do what he said he'd do? What if you were injured like this forever? What if—"
James rested his hand on her back and rubbed circles up and down her spine the way his father did when he was frightened. He wished that he could love her enough that the world couldn't hurt her anymore. God, he was a wizard, and magic couldn't take this pain away?
"I'm doing better," James said. "I'm sorry I scared you, just—this morning, when you looked at me, and you wanted me, God, Evans, I've wanted this for so long. I've wanted you for so long, and there it was, your love and your acceptance and your forgiveness. And then you kissed me, and I wasn't in pain; it was bliss. Pure bliss."
James pulled away, and their eyes met, and even though Lily still looked desperately sad and afraid, she looked awake and alive. Happy to be with him, despite the circumstances.
"It's just eggs, Evans," James said quietly. "I won't starve on your account,"
"I'm not used to people taking care of me,"
The Hospital Wing doors opened, and Sirius and the others appeared, broad smiles on their faces.
"We found him!" Sirius shouted jubilantly, his arms around Lupins' shoulder. A bloodied and dishevelled Frank Longbottom appeared behind them, supported by both Peter and Alice. Still, despite his appearance, there was a fire in his eyes that James understood.
"Frank!" Lily exclaimed, standing to greet him. But even then, Frank's expression didn't waver.
"What happened?"
"There were three blokes," Frank said, his voice tight. "They kidnapped me from my bed, gagged and bound me and hid me in the rafters for questioning,"
"How horrible," Lily said, her eyes wide. James took her hands for support and leant forward to hear the rest.
"What did they want?" James asked.
"Information," Frank replied, sitting down hard on the bed opposite James'. He rested his head in his hands and shook his head as if in disbelief. His robes were badly torn, and his skin was waxy and drawn, but his eyes were maniacal, firm and piercing into James' when he looked up. "They wanted to know about the Order of the Phoenix,"
"The what?" Peter asked.
"It's an organization," Frank said with difficulty. He spied James' empty glass on the bedside table and refilled it before gulping it down. "Supposably led by Dumbledore himself. They wanted numbers, meeting locations, suspected members,"
"Did you recognize any of their voices?" Marlene asked, sitting beside Lily.
"Yes," Frank responded. "One of the blokes, the shortest of the three, there was something about him. He sounded so familiar like I knew him. He talked proper-like, and his shoes—"
"His shoes?" Alice exclaimed.
"Hush, Alice," Amelia said, a finger over her lips.
"Yeah, they were almost Muggle. Leather, or something like it. Might've been dragon skin,"
James looked up immediately, the hairs on the back of his neck prickling. Remus held Sirius' hand firmly, but the fire had been lit in Sirius' eyes.
"I'm a kill him," Sirius said between gritted teeth. "I'm gonna kill him,"
"We don't know it was him," James said placatingly. "It could've been any number of blokes,"
"Who?" Alice asked, her eyes wide.
"Regulus," Lily responded, her hands knotted in her lap. "Regulus has snakeskin boots."
"Were they green?" Sirius asked, his eyes wild. "His shoes, they were green, weren't they?"
"Well, I, I dunno. It was so fast, I couldn't always see him—"
"Think faster then!"
"Sirius!' James exclaimed, "This isn't helping!"
"It was his voice that caught me," Frank said, looking up and meeting Sirius' eyes. "It sounded like somebody I knew. It-it might've been Reg, but I'm not completely sure,"
"I learned something about Crouch," Lily said, watching as Remus whispered calming words into Sirius' ear, watched as they sagged towards one another as if Sirius was deflating. "The Matron says that he was hit with a memory charm gone wrong,"
"What does that have to do with Frank's kidnapping?" Amelia asked pointedly. "Or mine, quite frankly?"
"Don't you see?" Lily said, her eyes searching. "Don't you see how it's all connected?"
Lily was met with silence, but she pressed forward anyway. "Moody kidnapped Amelia and hid her in the Room of Requirement. After a few hours, we found and rescued her,"
"Yes, we were all there," Sirius said petulantly.
"But why was she kidnapped?" Lily said, pacing the space between Frank and James' bed. "We've never fully understood it. Until Frank was too, but this time he remembered his captors. Could it be possible that both kidnappings were done by the same people, for the same reasons?"
"I was kidnapped by an Auror, Lily," Amelia said, her brows furrowed. "The lot who captured Frank sound like… well, they sound like students to me,"
"Memory charms," James said, snapping his fingers in Lily's direction, his face widening into a smile. "You said something about memory charms. What if Amelia saw something she wasn't supposed to see, and Moody was framed?"
"He did sound confused," Peter said, scratching his nose. "But he's a Ministry of Magic employee, he's an Auror, he would have known to be more careful than that,"
"He fought like he knew what he was doing," Marlene said, "there were five of us, and we only just managed to stun him,"
"But that's what I'm saying," Lily exclaimed, "James, you saw him in Dumbledore's office, did he act like he had done something wrong,"
"He did seem off—"
"This is getting nowhere," Sirius burst out, wringing his hands. "I need to find him before he ruins his life forever. I'm going with or without you,"
James looked up and caught Sirius' expression before his eyes turned downcast. "I wish I could mate, truly, I do. I'm still healing,"
"Bullshit,"
"Sirius!" Lupin exclaimed, but Sirius kept his eyes fixed on James. "Bullshit, you wouldn't help me even if you could get out of that damn bed,"
"Of course I would!"
"So just to be clear," Sirius said, wrenching himself from Lupin's grasp. "You're healthy enough to shag Evans but not well enough to help me find my brother. Seems fair."
"I did not sleep with her!"
"Then why are you picking her over us?"
"What are you talking about?"
"Evans!" Sirius exploded, pointing a finger at Lily without taking his eyes off of James.
"Leave her out of this," James said, sitting up with a wince. "This has nothing to do with her,"
"Why did I make a Vow with Snape, then?" Sirius exclaimed. "For my own good?"
"I don't know, you didn't tell me about it!"
"I did this, all of this, mind you, for you!" Sirius roared. "To save your damn life, and this is how you treat me?"
"You didn't help me by making a pact with Snape! You're helping yourself,"
"He did save your life, James," Peter said hesitantly.
"Shut up, Wormtail," Sirius and James said in unison before glaring daggers at the other once again.
"And where does that leave us, hmm?" James growled, standing and taking a step towards Sirius. "Where does that leave Frank? Where does that leave Amelia? We're looking for answers, and you got distracted!"
"This has nothing to do with me!"
"Then why did you lose interest the minute Regulus was mentioned?" James said sharply, and Sirius turned away in disgust. "It had nothing to do with Frank from the beginning!"
"They disowned me, in case you've forgotten," said Sirius in a dangerously soft voice. "In case my familial situation wasn't abundantly clear to you, so far as Regulus is concerned, he doesn't have a brother. They blasted me off the family tree!"
"But you would've gone after him anyway," James said sharply. "You knew that Regulus was into some dark shit—"
"He needs me!"
"Because you thought, oh I know, I'll play the hero and win my brother back, and we can be a big happy family again—"
Sirius took a step forward and took hold of James by the shoulders, looking him dead in the eye. Sirius had never loathed James more in his life, never felt less valuable, less worthwhile than he did at that moment in his best mate's eyes.
"Then what about Evans, eh?" Sirius said softly, and James' eyes widened. "Oh, you care about her. I saved your life, but she cried for most of the night after you deemed your life too worthless to save, not enough to go back for—"
"That's enough," Amelia said sharply, moving between the two of them and separating them forcefully. "You're brothers, start acting like it,"
Sirius looked behind him, startled and embarrassed to see Lily and Alice with wide eyes. Remus stood to one side, arms folded and head bowed. Peter clung to him, but when Remus looked up, and their eyes met, Sirius knew that he had gone too far. James stormed off in the opposite direction, the heavy door of the Hospital Wing slamming behind him, but Sirius was too shocked to move. A breeze shifted past him as Lily took off after James, and without thinking of where his feet were taking him, eyes thick with tears, Sirius left in the opposite direction.