CHAPTER 10

"What's this? You've moved out of the master bedroom? Why, Cook?" Jace unexpectedly appeared in the doorway of the spare bedroom I had moved into. I couldn't risk another night laying next to him in the same bed. My heart hated to do it, but my head told me it was for the best. I didn't trust myself enough to stay in that room and I hoped Jace would understand.

"I think it'll be better for you, Jackson. You need to recuperate and you can't do that effectively with me jumping out of bed to throw up every morning," I said, unpacking a few things from my suitcase and putting them into the drawers of the dresser.

"It won't bother me, Cook...I swear," he said, coming part way into the room.

"But it will bother me. I wouldn't feel right about it if I kept waking you up," I said. He walked over to where I was standing in front of the dresser and took the tunic that I was holding out of my hands. He placed it in the open drawer and pushed it shut with his hip. He took my hands in his.

"This doesn't have anything to do with what we talked about earlier, does it?" He was alluding to the conversation about which man I loved more and although he was spot on about the reason for the move, I wasn't about to admit it.

"No, Jackson. It just makes more sense for your recovery. If you need me for anything, you can always come and get me. I'm only twenty feet away. You could always call me, too. My phone is on all night and I…" Jace took my chin between his thumb and forefinger and tilted my face up to his.

"You can deny your feelings for me all you want, but both of us know the truth," he said, looking directly into my eyes.

"I'm not denying them. I'm just not giving in to them," I said, averting my eyes away from his. He jerked my head from right to left and lowered my gaze. His steely blue eyes were alight with their usual fire. Looking at his beautiful face took my breath away.

"Look at me, Cookie...and tell me what I want to hear," he said.

"I can't, cowboy. I won't," I said defiantly.

"You're still one feisty little filly and stubborn as hell. I'm just as stubborn and I'm bigger than you," he said, with more confidence than his reduced state should have effectively mustered.

"Idle threats don't work with me, Jackson. I've dealt with dozens of Chicago bangers and New York thugs in my career, big guys who've been addicted to crack and have threatened my life too many times to count. If they didn't scare me, one bone headed cowboy certainly isn't going to," I said, pulling my face out of his grip. He rubbed his hands over his face, his countenance was one of sheer exasperation.

"Goddamn, you're exhausting," he said, huffing and putting his hands on his hips. His look of exasperation faded into a sly grin.

"Yeah, well, some things never change, even after fifteen years," I said, looking up from folding my clothes.

"What time will that fucking head shrinker be here?"

"In about an hour. It took a lot of convincing on my part to get him to come here. He would have preferred you go to his office downtown, but I knew you'd never go for that. Don't let me down, cowboy," I said.

"I never want to let you down, baby," he said, giving me a soft smile before leaving the bedroom. I folded the rest of my clothing and placed them in the dresser. As I was putting my suitcase in the closet, my phone rang. By the caller ID, I saw that it was Matt.

"Hey, you. I was wondering when you'd get around to calling me," I said, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"I couldn't wait any longer. I miss you like crazy," he said.

"I miss you too," I said, feeling a few tears well up in my eyes.

"How is Walker doing? Was he bad off when you got there?"

"Oh God, Matt...you don't know the half of it. He was a wreck..drunk off his ass, not eating or taking care of himself or the ranch. He actually tried to throw me out of the house," I said.

"Knowing you, I'm sure you kicked his ass and set him straight," he said. I could almost see the smile on his face through the phone.

"Well, I got him to stop drinking long enough to clean himself up, eat something and get some sleep. He's agreed to go back to therapy. He's seeing his psychiatrist in about an hour. It's not much, but it's a beginning. He still has a long road ahead of him," I said. The tears that had welled up in my eyes spilled over onto my cheeks.

"You're one hell of a social worker, Maddy. He's got the best in the business taking care of him. How are you feeling? Everything with you and baby Casey okay?"

"Yeah, we're fine. A little tired, but that's nothing new. We're missing you and big brother, Finn. How's my two favorite guys doing?"

"We're hanging in there, trying to do the best we can without our favorite girl," he said. His voice was tinged with the slightest hint of sadness. "When do you think you'll be coming back home?"

"As long as Jace keeps making progress and continues with therapy, I should be home sometime next week. At least that's what I'm hoping. Let the experts here handle it going forward."

"That's good, because I've got something special planned for our anniversary. I know it's a few weeks away yet, but I can't wait to get you all to myself."

"Yeah, I need to be alone with you too, Matt," I said. I pressed my thumb and forefinger to my eyes, trying to stop the tears from flowing and the images of him and Gabby Dawson from coming into my head.

"Are you crying, baby?"

"Yeah...can't help it. Just hormones, I guess and missing you," I said..

"I love you, Maddy," he said.

"I love you too, Matt," I replied. "Talk soon," I said, ending the call before I burst into a full blown cry. I put my phone down on the bed next to me and covered my face with my hands, sobbing uncontrollably. I was torn between loving him and still wanting to cut his heart out for hurting me. My head tried to reason with me, telling me that I had done the same thing that Matt had done and not to be too hard on him. My heart was telling me that I was still in love with Jace and was using Matt's infidelity as an excuse to justify my feelings. I had never felt more confused or terrified in my life.

"I never made you cry like that," said Jace, his deep voice suddenly booming behind me. I whipped my head around to see him standing in the doorway of the bedroom. He had changed his clothes and pulled his long hair back into a messy man bun.

"Yes, you have. Don't flatter yourself," I said, wiping my face. He walked into the bedroom and sat down on the bed next to me. I could see that his hair was secured on the back of his head with a pink scrunchie. I reached up and touched it.

"A pink scrunchie? Won't you be thrown out of the Real Cowboy Association for wearing something like this?"

"Wipe that smirk off your face, smart ass. It's Harper's. Wearing this helps keep the hair off my neck. It also helps me to not take myself too seriously," he said, reaching up to touch the pile of hair at the back of his head.

"I can't take you seriously either," I said. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me in close to him. He kissed the top of my head. I felt safe being in his arms, like nothing could ever hurt me as long as he was there. I felt content just to be near him. As much as I loved Matt, I felt anxious and awkward around him lately, like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop and he would tell me something I didn't want to hear. Most of all, when he touched me, I would picture him touching Gabby in the same way. It made my connection to him feel weaker. Jace and I sat there together in silence until we heard the doorbell ring. I patted his knee and got up from the bed.

"That must be Dr. Lawrence. You're on, cowboy," I said, walking towards the door. Jace grabbed my arm before I could get too far.

"Are you gonna be there with me?"

"I will if you want me to, but that's Dr. Lawrence's call."

"In case I forget to say it when I should...thank you, Cookie...for doing all of this for me," he said.

"You're welcome, cowboy. Anytime," I said.