A/N- Okay, the rating change is official. I apologize for the delay in this chapter. This was more challenge than I anticipated- my first time writing fiction, my first time writing Fanfiction, and now my first time writing smut all rolled into one story. If smut isn't your thing, let me know and I'll find some way (line breaks or something) to note it so you can skip. However, I will say my plan isn't to include smut in this just for smut's sake and have it serve a purpose to the overall story.

To everyone who takes the time to review, you're amazing! Thank you! To the loyal followers who have reviewed almost every chapter, thanks will never be enough to express my gratitude!

Disclosures- No changes here. I'm just playing in the world created by Shore. He owns them.

they slipped
briskly
into an intimacy
from which they
never recovered

-f. scott fitzgerald

With an extra sway to her hips, she led him to her bedroom. As soon as she stepped through the doorway, Cuddy felt House's strong arms wrap around her waist and pull her back. She melted back into him, breathlessly anticipating the next touch. He splayed his hands across her abdomen, lightly caressing over her shirt. Anticipation and want threatened to consume her as he hugged her tighter, dropped his head, and pushed her hair back with his nose. Her eyelids fluttered when she felt his hot breath against her ear. His lips parted against her skin and she held back a moan, waiting for a graze of his teeth or tongue. The sensations were so overwhelming, she almost didn't register his words when he spoke.

"Are you sure about this?"

She knew she shouldn't be sure, but she was. She wanted this. She needed this. She had never been more sure of anything before. She needed a break from the onslaught of emotions of the last few days… of the last couple years. She needed to fight it out with him through their bodies, to replace the pains of their past with pleasure. She needed to make him feel alive again, to convince him through waves of pleasure that living was worth it. Yes, she was sure, and she couldn't handle another false start.

Eyes hooded with desire, she turned her head to look at him over her shoulder and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. "For everything we messed up, House, this was one thing we were always good it. Yes, I'm sure. I want this. I need this. I need to feel alive. I need to feel that you're alive." She reached up to cradle his head in her hand as she wondered if he was asking because he wasn't sure. He stopped them once already. He said he couldn't because of the risk of having her and losing her was too great. Perhaps he decided he couldn't do it. Cuddy tried to collect herself, to prepare herself for rejection, as she directed the question back to him.

A low moan rumbled in her throat as he pushed his erection against her back and nipped her ear before answering, "I think you may have straightened out my limp. Or given me another cane, I'm not sure." She chuckled in reply but felt sobered by the mention of his limp. His gait was still unsteady, and he struggled up the stairs. He was obviously in more pain than he would admit, and she worried they might aggravate it more. Before she could delve too deeply into her worries, he brought her back as he continued, "I already told you that you don't have to get me drunk to take advantage of me, Cuddy. I will never not want you. But you were the one who said last night that it wasn't happening."

She threw a seductive grin over her shoulder and winked with her retort, "Everybody lies."

His hands drifted lower on her abdomen and slipped under the hem of her shirt. It felt like lightning bolts shot through her as his fingers pressed into her bare skin and trailed upwards. She could feel him smirk against her neck. "You seem to be using an awful lot of my lines lately."

Whatever witty response Cuddy had was swallowed by another moan when House pinched her nipple through the lace of her bra. Words failed her as he rolled the stiff peak between his fingers and ran his tongue down the length of her neck. Damp heat pooled in her pants from the attention he was paying to her breasts. His fingers felt like they were everywhere at once, cupping, pinching, kneading. She wanted the moment to last forever but needed it to end so she could feel more of him. She covered his hands with her own and interlaced their fingers, drawing a lazy trail back to her waist before dropping them to her sides and walking him to the bed.

At the side of the bed, she turned in his arms and cupped his face in her hands, drawing him in for a deep, slow kiss. Her tongue grazed over his teeth. He responded ardently, sucking her tongue then biting her bottom lip before flicking his tongue over it. His hands returned to her waist, pushing her shirt up until he broke the kiss to pull it over her head. House stepped back, awestruck and drank in the sight of her. Her toned stomach and full breasts wrapped up in a black lace bra took his breath away. He pulled her in and covered her mouth with his as he unsnapped her bra and pulled the straps off her shoulders.

Cuddy broke the kiss, the desire to feel his skin against her becoming urgent. She grabbed his shirt and pulled it over his head with a husky, "Mmmm… You're overdressed."

House popped the button of her jeans and slowly slid them down her hips before leaning into her, pushing her onto the bed. "So are you." Inch by inch, he exposed her black lace thong and creamy skin as he pushed her jeans down her legs. The slow pace proved tortuous to Cuddy, and she lifted her hips to push her thong down with them. Tossing her jeans and underwear to the side, House stared at her naked body and said with a breath, "God, you're beautiful."

Cuddy grabbed him by the waistband of his jeans and pulled him closer. "You don't believe in God."

He lifted her chin with a finger and bent down, speaking into the kiss, "I do now."

She needed to feel him. Needed to touch him. She broke the kiss and pushed him back, fumbling with the button and zipper on his jeans as she kissed the exposed skin of his stomach. He toed off his shoes and socks and kicked them to the side before she reached into his boxers. House threw his head back and let out a long moan when her fingers wrapped around him and started stroking his length. With a few involuntary thrusts into her hand, he knew he needed to stop her. He needed release as much as she did, but he wanted to last. If this could be the last time he had her, if she could realize later what a mistake this was for her, he needed to savor every second he had. He was sure this was just her reacting to the grief and emotions of the last couple days and couldn't bring himself to believe that this could ever happen again. He needed to commit every sensation, every bit of her to memory.

He pulled her hand away and dropped to his knees in front of her. His thigh protested, and he would regret the position later, but it was worth it to see her splayed in front of him. She leaned back and propped herself up on her elbows as he took her legs and guided them over his shoulders. Her legs parted in front of him, revealing her glistening sex. He licked his lips, a hungry look coming over him and leaned in to taste her. She gasped and bucked as his tongue met her core with a long, languid lick.

The smell of her was intoxicating. The taste a sweet nectar he could never forget. He flattened his tongue against her again, drawing a long moan from her. He glanced up and caught her eye as she watched him lick and suck each fold. The sight of her watching was more erotic to him than anything he'd ever experienced before. He held the gaze as he sucked her clit and inserted one finger into her hot core. She threw her head back and moaned out encouragements for more. Still licking and sucking, he added another finger, pushing deep into her and pulling back. He scissored his fingers inside her, finding her G-spot and stroking it as he grazed her slit with his teeth.

Her hips were rocking against him face, and her inner walls were starting light contractions around his fingers as she moaned his name. He knew she was close and eased the pressure, wanting to extend her pleasure for as long as possible. He pulled her back from the edge before working her back to it. He pushed a third finger into her and was about to take her swollen clit between his lips to push over when she sat up and grabbed his arms. With a breathy "House" on her lips, she tried to pull him up.

"Not yet," she panted, teetering on the edge of release. "I want you inside of me."

He swiped a finger the sensitive spot inside of her again, trying to beckon her release as he spoke, "You think you're only getting one? I will be for the next one."

She kept pulling on his arms. He was stronger than her, but she was determined, "No. Now. I need you inside me now."

It wasn't in his nature to acquiesce, but the look on her face and his pulsing erection compelled him to give in. Cuddy was determined—she would fight the orgasm, deny herself the pleasure to deny him if he didn't. He feared the battle of the wills would turn him into a teenager, coming in his own pants. He pulled his hand from her, gliding a finger over her clit as he did. She jerked from the sensation, still teetering on the edge of orgasm.

He pushed his hands into the mattress, using them as leverage to stand as she continued pulling him up. Once he was standing and crawling over her, Cuddy took his hand and drew his fingers to her mouth, sucking her juices from them. House moaned at the erotic sight. She was a goddess. She withdrew his fingers from her mouth and grabbed his head to pull him in for a kiss. Her taste lingered on his mouth and chin, and she licked and sucked it all away.

House grabbed her shoulders and rolled them so she was on top. His leg wouldn't let him take her the way he wanted, and he wanted to give her some degree of control. She rolled her hips over him, sliding her wet folds over the length of him. With one push, he could be inside her. With one thrust, they could be joined.

With a gasp, he grabbed her hips to still her and growled, "Condom."

Cuddy ran her hands through the sparse hair on his chest and bit her lip in contemplation. Shaking her head, she looked down at him with hooded eyes and a coy smile, "Unless you've taken that specialty in infectious diseases literally, I trust you. I want to feel you."

The corner of his mouth turned up into a small smirk, and he dug his fingers further into her hips. "I'm clean, but I don't know if I could trust Party Pants here."

"Shut up, House."

She should have been offended, but the playful banter only heightened her arousal. It wasn't an insult but a fond throwback to the carefree days of college. She reached down and gripped him as she lifted her hips and sunk down on him, nails digging into his chest.

"Fuck," she hissed as he filled her. His smirk grew with her exclamation. She knew he always loved to be the one to break her poise, to elicit such profanities from her. They were still for a moment, letting her adjust to him, and held each other's eyes. House broke the still of the moment, sliding his hands back to her ass and slowly rocking her over him.

This wasn't what she imagined from this. After their poker game, she went to her hotel room with fantasies of rough, hard sex with House filling her head. As soon as she saw him, she knew they would end up in bed together, as much as she tried to deny and fight it. She just expected an angry, rough joining. She thought they would let out old hurts physically. This wasn't what she expected, but it was somehow better. It was tender. It was healing.

She leaned forward, and he took a nipple into his mouth. His hands were everywhere, gripping her ass then sliding over her ribs. Cupping her breast then holding her hips. He was all around her, inside of her, and nothing felt more right. The urge for more forced her to move, lifting up on her knees until only the tip of him was penetrating her then sinking back down so he filled her completely. She kept the pace slow, wanting to prolong the pleasure she felt. The pleasure she could see on his face. Moans and grunts and breathless pants filled the room around them like a chorus of pleasure.

As the need started building, he thrust up into her, meeting and deepening her movements. His name fell off her tongue, and he echoed it with hers. Their pace increased—still not rough but faster. Her legs trembled as she quickly climbed to the peak with punctuated gasps of "More," "Faster," and "Harder." He squeezed her harder, meeting each request with thrusts to counter her own. Pleasure threatened to overwhelm her. Emotion built inside her. She tried to fight, wanting to fall over the edge with him.

"Come for me, Cuddy," he said in punctuated gasps as his fingers dug into her ass, rocking her harder against his thrusts.

She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, trying to find her voice in the haze of her burgeoning pleasure. "No. Yes. Yes. Not yet. Yessss," her thoughts were interrupted with another moan. "With you. Please."

With a stroke of her clit, he thrust deeper into her, pulling her forcefully back, "I'm right behind you. Come for me. Come apart for me, Cuddy."

And she did. She cried out his name and arched her back, digging her hips deeper against his. Waves of pleasure overtook her body, and a tidal wave of emotion followed. Her inner walls pulsed around him, pulling him with her. As her muscles tensed around him, he shot long streams into her, and they slowly rolled their hips together through it, extending the shockwaves that overtook them both.

She collapsed onto his chest as sobs overtook her when the physical release calmed. The built up emotions kept rolling in, and she shook against his chest with heaving gasps for breath. Tears rolled from her eyes onto his shoulders. She hooked her arms under his shoulders, and he wrapped his arms tightly around her as they rode out the emotion. She would never know it, but a tear rolled down his cheek as he held her.

Burrowed into his shoulder, her sobs finally calmed enough for her to speak. "Why'd you do it, House? Why?"

He didn't need to ask for clarification on the what this time. He knew. They couldn't ignore it anymore. The crash. With her release came a need to release that. The darkest, worst part of them. They came together, but it was still threatening to drive them apart. He didn't have an explanation for her. There would never be one that could make it right. There would never be one that could undo the damage. There would never be one that could give them this back.

He hugged her tighter and nuzzled his face into her neck, hoping she wouldn't feel the wet trail on his cheek. "I don't know."

She pushed back, sitting up on his chest, and tear filled eyes met each other.

"Not good enough, House. You always have—"

He was softening inside her, but neither moved to break the connection. His tone was mournful, "No, Cuddy, no reason could ever be good enough. I can't make that right." He turned his face away, unable to meet her eye anymore.

"No, you can't. But you can help me understand."

He held her hips and rolled her off of him before he rolled away, trying to get up. "I can't help you understand because I don't. I was high… out of my mind high. I was hurt. I was… I saw you there with him, moving on, and I was stuck. I needed to do something—something to give up hope because hope was killing me. So I did something unthinkable—unforgivable—because that was the only thing I could do. That was the only way to give up hope."

Cuddy pulled herself to her knees and put a hand on his shoulder. "House…"

He didn't turn to her. He couldn't. This was the moment he dreaded, and he couldn't face her for it. "I can't make it right, Cuddy. That's why we shouldn't have done this. Because I'll never be able to make that right, and hope would only hurt more."

Before she could reply, he stood and limped from the room. She could only watch as his naked backside crossed the doorway and disappeared, leaving his cane propped by the wall and his clothes scattered on the floor.

tbc