Thanks for the feedback! Haha I definitely like to lean into the sappy side in this series!
A bright Christmas morning has settled into a sleepy afternoon. After the excitement of gift opening, movie watching and general sugar overload the kids have crashed on the couch with their new books. Charlotte and Richie are embroiled but Annie has fallen asleep, her book hanging from one hand with a cookie in the other. Rory and Jess grin at each other from across the room, Rory with her own book in her lap and Jess looking a little wistfully at his book from the kitchen doorway.
"I'd take a picture but I can't move," Rory remarks to which Jess chuckles and replies, "But I'm guessing eating the massive Christmas dinner I'm making won't be a problem?"
"Hey, you married a Gilmore."
"Those kids of ours won't have wrecked their appetites either."
"Hey, you married a Gilmore!"
"I got that," Jess says, gesturing at the children. "Are Charlotte and Richie even aware that we're having a conversation?"
"Doubt it. Hey guys! Guys? Guys, if you get up right now and help your dad you can have Annie's Christmas candy."
Charlotte and Richie stay fixated on their books and Jess laughs loudly.
"That was mean."
"Thus proving my point."
"So if they had got up you'd have given them our youngest daughter's candy?"
"Absolutely," Rory says seriously and shakes her head as Jess asks if she wants to help with dinner. "Absolutely not."
"What's the excuse this year?"
"Um, that you like doing it by yourself?"
"Good one. It is easier without you trying to help out."
"Trying to help out?"
"Remember the pie crust incident?"
"Yeah," Rory admits, blushing. "Besides, I'm so freaking comfortable!"
Annie stirs, the cookie dropping from her hand onto the rug and Jess grins as his other daughter and son sit up.
"Can we have her cookie?"
"Oh, that gets your attention, huh?" Jess teases, picking it up and stuffing it into his mouth. "Finders keepers."
Rory smiles as her children protest, protesting that she's Switzerland as they turn to her. Annie wakes up, indignant until Jess brings her a fresh cookie and announces that he's going to the kitchen until dinner's ready.
"My sanctuary," he says firmly. "No stealing my candy while I'm gone and Rory, don't you even think about reading my book."
"I wasn't –"
"Book tease," Jess retorts and Rory smiles, remarking, "Thought that worked for you."
"You can't flirt your way out of this one," Jess says, but he grins back, giving Rory a quick wink before heading back into the kitchen. Rory has just settled back down with her own book, telling herself she won't read Jess's too – well, except maybe the back cover, and surely the introduction can't hurt – when her phone rings, making her jump. Rory frowns as she sees it's Lorelai, whom she already spoke to that morning.
"Mom?"
"Hey, kid." Lorelai's voice is a little thick and Rory sits up, alarmed.
"Mom, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, it's – well, I guess it's something."
Getting up, Rory takes the phone upstairs and says, "Mom, what's happened? Is it Grandma?"
"It's Chris. He's sick."
"Dad? Is he okay?" Rory's heartbeat unpleasantly increases and she asks anxiously, "Mom, is Dad okay?"
"He says he's okay but Rory, he seems bad."
"What's going on?" Rory asks blindly. "Did you see Dad? I thought you and Luke were in Maine. You didn't say anything when we talked."
"We are, I haven't seen him – Rory, I just heard. Luke and I were out walking and Chris called and I figured he was just saying Merry Christmas so I answered and he said he's sick."
"What kind of sick?" Rory demands. "Mom, I'm getting a little scared here."
"He says it's just a cold. He swore it's nothing worse but I don't know, something's telling me it's more. If I wasn't out here I'd go see myself. Sweets, I'm sorry to call you like this on Christmas, especially about your dad…I know you and Chris have stuff…but I wouldn't call if I wasn't concerned."
"You're concerned? Mom, do you think…?" Rory's voice fades as she clutches the phone. She is not exactly fond of her father but she still loves him and is started to get scared.
"Honey, I'm sure he's okay," Lorelai says firmly. "I just – I didn't mean to frighten you. I just feel like Chris is more sick than he says and someone should check on him. I'm pretty sure Gigi's still in Paris and I don't know who else to call."
"I'm on it."
"Thank you," Lorelai says, letting out a sigh of relief. "You're the best, did you know that?"
"I had some idea."
"Naturally."
"Well, I'm going to go see him," Rory says, trying to sound brighter than she feels. "I'm sure he's okay."
"Oh, me too – Chris likes to exaggerate," Lorelai says quickly. "He got a stomach virus when we were fourteen and he lay in bed moaning for two weeks! I told him he was a crybaby."
"I'll pass the message on."
"Thanks, Rory," Lorelai says, serious this time. "And hey, sweets – Merry Christmas."
"Merry Christmas, Mom."
Rory hangs up, running downstairs and grabbing her purse and coat in one motion. Breathlessly, she announces to Charlotte, Richie and Annie, "I have to go out for a while."
"What?" Charlotte asks and indignantly Annie says, "Mommy, it's Christmas!"
"I know, angel. I have to see your grandfather."
"Grandpa Luke's in Maine," Richie says in confusion and haphazardly Rory replies, "No, it's my dad, your other grandfather. I'll be back for dinner, okay?"
Before her kids can ask any further Rory hurries into the kitchen where Jess is chopping garlic. Turning, he starts to tease, "I told you not to come in here," before seeing the look on his wife's face. "Rory, what's wrong?"
"It's my dad."
"Christopher? Is he okay?"
"Mom just called and said he's sick."
"How sick?" Jess asks, putting down the knife and Rory shakes her head, squeezing her eyes shut. "I don't know. Mom called and said he's sick and someone should see him so I've got to go."
"Hey," Jess says, taking her hands. "Let me come."
"No, you should stay. You need to watch the kids and I don't want them to come with me."
Jess nods, looking into Rory's eyes as he asks, "Are you okay?"
"No, not really," Rory says honestly. "But I have to go. I'll try and be back soon."
"Don't worry about that."
"Okay," Rory says, taking a deep breath. She hesitates, looks up and says, "Jess, I'm –"
"I know."
"I don't like my dad very much but I don't want him to –"
"I know. It's okay."
Jess gives Rory a kiss and she holds him for a moment before letting go, running out of the kitchen and the house, calling, "I love you!" to her confused children as she goes. Leaping into the car, Rory drives as fast as she can, forgetting her usual worries about ice and traffic, and reaches Christopher's house faster than ever before. Turning off the engine, Rory gets up and runs up the front path, lifting her hand to knock. No sooner has she done so when her courage fails. Rory didn't even call her father first. What if he can't get to the door? What if he does and it's weird that she's come here? Still, Rory reasons, that scenario is preferable than the first and things are weird between them anyway. Her thoughts are interrupted as the front door slowly opens and Christopher stares at her.
"Rory?"
"Hi Dad."
"What are you doing here?" Christopher asks blankly. He looks bad and Rory bites her lip. His robe is hanging over his sweatshirt and pants and his face is pale and drawn.
"Merry Christmas," Rory jokes and her father smiles with what looks like effort.
"Merry Christmas, kiddo. Come in."
Rory follows Christopher inside. The house is ornate, bought with a handsome trustfund and salary and Rory notices the Cave as they pass it. This is usually where she sees her father, on the rare occasions where she thinks they should talk, but today they go into the living room where the television is blaring and several cups and glasses and scattered around, along with a full trashcan of Kleenex. Rory wrinkles her nose before she can stop herself and sheepishly Christopher says, "Sorry. Didn't know I'd be having company."
"That's okay," Rory says as Christopher turns off the TV. Gingerly, she takes a seat on the unused chair and shakes her head at the offer of a drink.
"So what's up?" Christopher asks. "I know you didn't drive all the way out here to wish your old man a Merry Christmas."
"Dad, are you okay?" Rory asks directly. "Mom called and said you don't sound good."
"Lorelai called you?" Christopher groans, coughing. "I'm fine."
"You really don't sound fine, Dad."
"Just a cold," Christopher promises but his cough gets more and more hacking. "A bad cold."
"That cough sounds bad."
"Hey, who's the parent here?" Christopher jokes and, at Rory's raised eyebrows, "Well, I know you're a parent but I'm yours, is what I mean."
"Really?" Rory asks quietly, making Christopher wince.
"Now it's a real Christmas. Taking the place of my own parents, telling me how much I'd screwed up."
"I don't recall them ever having a problem with you not being a dad. It was the other way around, right?"
"Rory…"
"They didn't want you to have anything to do with me and Mom."
Christopher sighs and Rory looks down. She didn't come here to fight, today of all days, and she says, "I just wanted to see if you're okay. You sound bad, Dad."
"Gee, thanks."
"I mean it. You should be in bed and have someone help out."
"Oh really? Who's going to do that? Gigi's gallivanting around Europe as we speak. She left me a voicemail wishing me a Merry Christmas and didn't pick up when I called her. Not that I was much of a dad to her either, I guess."
"Can't a friend come over?" Rory asks after a pause. "Someone from work?"
"I don't have friends at work."
"You must have someone."
"Oh, someone'll help out," Christopher says resignedly. "But they won't want to."
"Dad…"
"You can head on home, kiddo," Christopher says sourly. "Tell Lorelai your duty's done for now."
"Hey, not fair," Rory says angrily. "I was really worried about you!"
"Yeah, the reminder of my general crappiness in life the second you stepped in the door really showed you cared."
"I was worried!" Rory retorts furiously. "I was really scared, Dad! Mom calls me on Christmas Day to tell me you sound seriously sick and I came the second I heard! I left my own family and my own Christmas to see you!"
"You didn't want to check on me!"
"Yes I did!"
"Only because no one else did. Would you have called me to say Merry Christmas if I wasn't sick? Guess neither of my daughters have that in mind."
"Well, you know what, Dad?" Rory exclaims, losing her patience. "Maybe some of that's on you. Did you ever think about that? You're being all self-deprecating and sad that Gigi and I didn't call, but I can count on my hand how many Christmases you remembered."
"I saw you at Christmas!"
"Only the years Grandma and Grandpa invited you! I can't speak for Gigi but I know there were a good few years where you didn't call and when we tried to call you the number was disconnected! And that didn't just go for Christmas, it was birthdays too, and anytime I wanted to talk to you and couldn't. Maybe if you want your daughters to give a damn you should have done a better job being there!"
"You know I wanted to marry your mom!"
"And you know that shouldn't have been a dealbreaker!" Rory snaps. "Where were you when I was sick, huh? I got chickenpox and Mom sat up with me all night and held my hands so I wouldn't scratch and Luke made me pans of mashed potato because it was the only thing I would eat and you didn't even call!"
"I didn't know!"
"That's because when Mom called to tell you your number had changed, again, and you didn't bother telling us, again! It was always like that, Dad! We'd wait around for you until you felt like being my dad and it never stuck!"
"Hey!"
"If you wanted to be my dad a wedding ceremony shouldn't have stood in the way."
Christopher looks away, starting to cough again. Silently, Rory goes into the kitchen and pours a large glass of water which her father takes gratefully.
"Thanks. Maybe I should call someone after all."
"You should," Rory says, watching her father drink. He stares into the glass before saying, "I hate our relationship."
"Dad…"
"All the stuff you said is true. I know, we've fought about it before. I'm sorry I was such a mess, but I was so young and…I'm sorry."
"You've had a lot of time since then," Rory says stonily. "Mom was young too."
"Your mom was always stronger than me."
"You can't use that as an excuse forever."
Christopher exhales and Rory sits back down, looking into her father's eyes.
"You have three grandchildren."
"I know that, Rory."
"Do you even remember their names?"
"Charlotte, Richie and…and…"
"Annie," Rory finishes for him and Christopher closes his eyes.
"I knew that. I'm not feeling too good…."
"Right," Rory says unconvinced. She doesn't remind Christopher that he didn't meet Annie until she was three months old. Instead, she says, "Annie's five now. Richie's ten and Charlotte's thirteen."
"Thirteen? That's not possible. I swear she was born just last week."
"It feels that way to me too."
"So a teenager, huh?" Christopher asks with a chuckle and Rory smiles wryly, not remarking that Christopher clearly didn't remember any of her children's ages. He's been pretty inconsistent with birthday cards in general.
"Yup," Rory says. "Lucky me - Jess and I have hit the teenage years. I think Charlotte actually became a teenager when she turned eleven though. She's got the attitude down but she still thinks guys are stupid. No complaints there."
"I bet," Christopher says. "Is she like you?"
"Kind of," Rory says, after a pause. "She's herself though. Charlotte's a great kid."
"You were a great kid."
"Yeah. Well." Rory looks at her hands, declining to comment on how unsure she is on how much she had figured out. Rory knows any perfection was an illusion.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there," Christopher says sincerely and Rory nods. "But you're there, for your kids, and that guy –"
"Jess."
"Right. Jess. He's not even Charlotte's father."
"He's her dad," Rory says angrily. "He might not be her father, but he's her dad."
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry."
Rory nods, smiling as Christopher adds, "I guess he stays up all night with her when she's sick, right?"
"Yes, he does. He helps her with her homework and brings her pie and I bet one day he drives her mattress around all day when she moves into college."
"What?"
"Nothing. I just mean that he's been her father from the start. He's such a great dad."
"I'm sure you're a great mom."
"I try."
"I know you are," Christopher says and Rory nods, resisting asking how he knows. He doesn't know her.
"I worry too much," she admits to him. "I'm always worrying about being a mom."
"You're worried about how Charlotte will turn out?"
"All three of them, but yes. I worry about things being complicated with her."
"You'll do a better job than me," Christopher says and this time Rory doesn't fight him on it. "Low bar, I know."
He breaks into another coughing fit, eyes watering, and Rory gets up in concern.
"Dad? Dad, are you okay?"
"Never better," Christopher says between coughs. Rory hastily refills his water glass and then goes into the Cave, pulling open drawers.
"Kiddo, what are you doing?"
"Do you have an address book?"
"What?"
"An address book – I'm assuming you've heard of those? I know everything's online but you're old so I thought maybe –"
"Gee, thanks," Christopher says sarcastically. "Not my age, Rory, it's general disorganisation. I don't have one but there's a sheet of paper with names from my last meeting by the computer. Call any of those numbers, someone can look in on me."
"Really look in on you?" Rory asks suspiciously. "Not just stick their head around the door and take off?"
"They'll do more than that. Pass me the phone, I'll call them."
"I'll call them," Rory says firmly. Finding the sheet, she calls the first number and after apologising for disrupting their Christmas gets a promise to drop by the next day and properly check in. Rory checks the kitchen, making sure there's actual food in the refrigerator and putting an instant meal in the microwave.
"You're a good kid," Christopher says gratefully. "Thanks, Rory."
This is the opening to leave but Rory pauses.
"I don't want you to be sick," she says eventually. "I don't want anything to happen to you and you have to know that."
"Rory –"
"It's weird between us," Rory continues. "Maybe it always will be. But I care if you're sick and alone on Christmas Day, Dad."
"I know," Christopher says, his voice softening. "Merry Christmas, Rory."
"Merry Christmas, Dad."
It is only once she's back inside the car that Rory starts crying. She cries for all the wasted years, for the little girl who waited by the phone or window or door for a father who never came and the terrible relationship between them. She cries for her own children, knowing they're going to have to handle things she can't fix for them and cries for her mother, who shielded her as best she could and was going through pain of her own. You were a great kid. Rory was a great kid until she got older and things fell apart. She's doing well now, she thinks, but Rory worries so much about this motherhood thing, and knows the worrying makes it worse. Taking a deep breath, Rory turns on the car and drives home. No one should cry on Christmas Day.
Her sadness faded as she pulls up to the house. All the lights are on, the tree shining in the window and as Rory opens the front door all three of her kids throw themselves into hugging her.
"Hey," Rory laughs, kissing their heads. "It's okay. My dad's okay."
"Are you okay?" Jess asks behind them and Rory gently disentangles herself from her kids, going over to him to give Jess a kiss.
"I'm okay."
"Yeah?" Jess asks in concern and Rory nods, giving him a kiss.
"Yeah. How about some dinner?"
"Ready in two minutes."
"Perfect. I'll just go call Mom."
Lorelai instantly answers and lets out an audible breath as Rory says, "Dad's okay."
"Thank God."
"Yeah. Just a really bad cold." Rory can feel herself starting to cry again and Lorelai hears before Rory can stop.
"Oh, angel. I'm sorry I asked you to go, I was just so worried –"
"No, it's okay. I'm okay."
"You sound upset."
"I was worried about him. And then Dad and I had a fight about him not being there when I was younger and it was a whole thing."
"Oh, Rory. I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry you had to deal with it when I was a kid. It must have been really hard."
"It was hard, but I had you. You were so much fun to raise!"
"I had fun too," Rory says, smiling through her tears. "I love you, Mom."
"I love you too."
"Well," Rory sniffles, wiping her eyes. "I need to go eat the huge dinner Jess has made."
"Me too – that is, Luke and Berta have been concocting something together and I wasn't allowed to investigate."
"Sounds good. Say hi to Luke from me."
"Will do. Say hi to that son-in-law of mine."
"On it. Merry Christmas, Mom."
"Merry Christmas, Rory."
Rory composes herself before going into the kitchen to eat. She manages to sound normal all through dinner and it's only afterwards, once the kids have been sent out to pick a movie, that Jess seriously asks, "So how was it?" and Rory exhales.
"Hard," she says honestly. "It's always hard seeing Dad."
"I know," Jess says gently, putting his arms around her and Rory relaxes.
"I'm glad he's okay. I was really scared there."
"I know. I get it."
They hug silently for a moment and then Jess asks, "Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm fine," Rory says, taking a deep breath. "It was just scary, but I'm okay."
"You sure?"
"Yes. All I want to do now is relax."
"Okay," Jess says, kissing her cheek. "You can start my new book tonight, if you want."
"Really?" Rory asks, lifting her face. "Can I read the one Matt got you too?"
"Maybe…what's in it for me?"
"My new novel."
"You've got a deal, booktease."
"Glad to be of service." Rory gives Jess a kiss before squeezing his hand and stepping away, laughing as Jess groans, "Such a booktease."
Rory tucks the kids into bed that night, long past their usual bedtime, and despite the vast amounts of sugar Richie and Annie fall asleep almost instantly. Charlotte however, seems pensive and is quiet as Rory says, "Merry Christmas, sweets."
"Merry Christmas, Mom."
"You okay?" Rory asks, lightly cupping her daughter's chin and Charlotte looks away for a moment. "Hey. What's up?"
"Is Christopher okay?"
"He's fine," Rory says in surprise. She'd assured the kids at dinner of that. "I didn't know you were worried."
"You were upset."
"I know," Rory says, looking into her daughter's eyes. "He's my dad. When I heard he wasn't well I was a little scared, but he's okay."
"No," Charlotte says impatiently. "You were sad when you came home. Why were you sad?"
Rory bites her lip. She thought she'd done a good job of looking okay but Charlotte has always seen through that.
"I'm not very close to my dad," she says eventually. "He wasn't there much when I was growing up."
"Like Logan?" Charlotte asks bluntly and Rory forces herself not to look away.
"A little. But he moved around a lot and changed his number – I'd usually not know when I'd next see him. It was usually a surprise. He'd say he come see me when I was a kid but he never did."
"Were you sad?"
"Yes," Rory says honestly. "I was sad back then and I'm kind of mad at him now, but I don't want him to be sick."
"I think you can be mad at someone and sad for them," Charlotte says and Rory smiles, kissing the top of her head.
"You're right, smart girl. Sometimes feelings get mixed up. I'm okay, I promise. Lie down now and go to sleep."
Charlotte lies down but just as Rory is about to kiss her goodnight says, "I'm sad you were sad before. When you were little."
"I wasn't sad. I had Nana Lorelai! I loved growing up," Rory says honestly. "I was only sad those times. It's okay."
"Do you wish he'd been there?"
"No," Rory says after a pause. "I wish he hadn't let me down, but I don't wish he'd stayed with Mom. We were good, and Grandpa Luke was there."
"I love Grandpa Luke."
"Me too."
Charlotte snuggles under the covers and allows her mother to kiss her goodnight. She's thirteen but sometimes still acts like a little kid.
"Mom?"
"Yes, sweets?"
"Are you really okay?"
"I'm a little sad but I promise I'm okay. I love you. Merry Christmas, Charlotte."
"Merry Christmas, Mom."
Rory leans against the doorway after turning off the light, looking out of the window into the night. She remembers being confused as a girl, being mad at her father but loving him, not knowing she could have both. She didn't know it was okay to feel mixed up. Everything still feels confused, but maybe that's the way of it. She's sure of her love for her mother, for Jess and their kids and for now that's enough. Rory can't fix the hurt of the past or what will come but she's okay, she knows, looking out at the Christmas night. She has the love she needs.