I hope you can forgive me for my long absence, I had some extremely rough weeks at work that robbed me of the time and inspiration to write for a while, but as I said before I'm not giving up on this story. I hope you enjoy it and you don't hate me too much.
Alicia stood in the middle of the room, puzzled. She turned around slowly, her eyes checking every surface in sight, as the orange glow of dawn created shadows with the wrinkled sheets of the still unmade bed. She huffed, knowing there was no way they were in it, but still removed the sheets and shook them to the side; her search providing no results, she ended up making the bed. Thinking for moment, she bent to peek underneath it, but there was nothing other than some dust bunnies. She stood up again and walked into the bathroom, knowing it was basically impossible that they had materialized in the last minute, but not knowing where else to look. Defeated, she walked barefoot to the kitchen, following her nose, her stomach eager for some of whatever Will was cooking. He turned as his peripheral vision caught sight of her.
Hey there. He smiled at her presence, one hand holding a spatula and the other the pan.
Morning. Alicia smiled and reached him, peeking curiously at the breakfast and then kissing him hello.
Eggs and bacon. Will explained. And made some decaf for you. He said, pointing at a still steaming mug in the counter.
You're generous this morning. Alicia said appreciatively while she looked for the plates and forks.
Will shrugged. I'm heading straight to court at 9:30, so I thought I could make us breakfast.
Thank you. She smiled widely at him as she took the mug and sat in the counter.
Alicia was already in her suit but her hair was still damp and had no makeup on. She had woken up first and gotten straight into the shower, not finding Will when she returned to the bedroom. He was still in shorts and a plain white T-shirt, tousled hair showing what side had been against the pillow.
I lost my shoes. Alicia said sheepishly. Will turned around, furrowing his brows in confusion but smiling amusedly at the same time.
You what?
I lost my shoes. I know it's ridiculous but I can't find them. I looked everywhere and they're not here!
Will was now laughing as he served the plates.
Well, I'm pretty sure you didn't arrive barefoot yesterday, so they must be somewhere around here.
I know! But I looked in the bedroom, the bathroom, your closet, under the bed, on the bed, and they're nowhere to be found!
Will placed a plate in front of her and sat on the other side of the counter, facing her, with the other plate.
Don't worry, I'll help you look for them after you've eaten something.
It was Alicia's turn to laugh. You're so wrong if you think I can forego breakfast. The times when you had to beg me to eat are over, I could have three breakfasts and not complain.
While she was grateful the nausea days were over, she was now constantly hungry and any food that came in sight was unbelievably appetizing. She was now taking the "eat for two" very literally. In that moment, the toaster that Alicia hadn't even noticed working dinged and Will passed her a slice.
They started to eat, conversing between the chewing.
So, any news from Popcorn?
Alicia shook her head, mouth still full. Once she swallowed, she answered.
No. But I was so tired yesterday I probably wouldn't have noticed if it moved. Sorry.
It's okay. I'm just so curious. But yeah, you were dead yesterday.
Kids. Alicia said while rolling her eyes.
Will had suggested her on Monday morning to spend the week at his place, since it was closer to the firm and Zach and Grace were at Peter's; probably motivated as well by the desire to be a part of the pregnancy after dinner with her family and the news Popcorn was now moving. She had headed to her place to pick up her stuff after work when she had been called by Mr. Gant, one of her clients that had threatened to leave after her divorce, because his son had been arrested for underage DUI. While there was not much that could be legally done at the moment, she didn't want to give him any more reasons to reconsider changing firms, and instead of over-the-phone instructions or sending Caitlin to handle it, she headed to the precinct for the hand-holding while the teenager got booked and posted bail. The whole thing ended up making her arrive super late at Will's place and she had basically dropped dead in his couch until he woke her to take her to bed.
Mmm. Alicia waved her hand to call Will's attention, her mouth full with food once more, so he looked questioningly at her. Once she swallowed, she explained.
I just remembered. I emailed Marina. Will lifted an eyebrow. Who was Marina?
My realtor. Alicia answered his unspoken question.
Oh, and?
She wants to know what we want. And, I mean, I know we need four bedrooms at least, and she kind of knows my style, but if we decide to go forward with it, well, I want you to have a say in it too. She suggested to have lunch to define our budget, talk about the market and what we want, so she can start looking for options, what do you think?
Yeah, sure. I think I'm free tomorrow, but I'll check when I get into the office and let you know.
Great. Alicia smiled.
Which is our budget, by the way? Will wondered out loud. He hadn't thought about it until now.
Alicia shrugged. I don't think I can put in much more than I'm currently paying for my place. I could get a loan if we go for buying, but I don't know if I can give that much of a down payment either. Money's kind of tight with the upcoming expenses, we have to consider the nursery, clothes, diapers, all of that.
Well, lucky it's the two of us then. Alicia smiled at his words. This place is payed for. If we go for buying, I can place it on the market and we could give a much better down payment, although it might take some time to sell. We'd have to see if it works.
It's a good area, I've seen a lot of places for rent and sale around.
Exactly. There's competition to sell. Will wasn't so confident it would be a quick sell, but it was worth the try.
Alicia nodded, thinking about their options.
And if we go for rent?
Well, I don't have that much expenses. Most of them are just self-indulging purchases. He vaguely pointed to his living room, that was where most of them ended up: sports paraphernalia, music instruments she had never seen him play, a screen with whatever gadget he could add even if he didn't really know how to use them, and so on. I think we could easily rent a big house if you want to.
Alicia didn't know for certain how much Will earned, but as a name partner in a major firm she calculated he almost doubled her income. She was happy he wanted to help, but she didn't want to commit to a rent way beyond her possibilities. She had learned the hard way prosperity doesn't last forever.
Well, let's see what options are out there. I think we should think of renting, unless we find a superb offer on a house. And keep the budget as low as possible.
Okay, sounds good. I'll do the dishes.
Alicia had finished her breakfast and was taking her plate to the sink, so he beckoned her to just leave them there.
Thanks!
She headed back to the bedroom, to blow dry her hair, brush her teeth and apply her makeup. She was still in front of the bathroom's mirror when Will appeared behind her.
Look what I found. He held Alicia's high heels triumphantly.
Oh my god, where were they? She turned around to grab them and Will took advantage of that to hug her for a second before letting her go, with her retrieved shoes. She giggled at his gesture.
Under the couch.
Oh. That makes sense. She had probably kicked them inadvertently underneath last night, and she was so sleepy when they went to bed, she'd completely forgotten to pick them up.
Thank you.
You're welcome. Will smiled as he put toothpaste in his brush.
Not much later, Alicia slinged her purse in her left shoulder and entered the bathroom, that was now steaming, the sound of running water filling the space.
I'm leaving!
The glass division of the shower was completely fogged, but suddenly Will appeared amidst the steam, hair and chest covered in white foam.
Okay. See you later. Will you give me a kiss?
Alicia chuckled. No way! You'll soak me!
I still could. He said, cupping his hand to fill it with water and then showing it to her.
Don't you dare! She exclaimed, laughing at his threat, retreating towards the door. Will could be amusingly childish sometimes, but it wasn't a side he showed often to the outside world. It had taken Alicia months to find it buried behind the seriousness of Will the lawyer, but it was now more common for her to see it when they were alone, and she loved goofing around with him on such occasions. Without even realizing it themselves, they were slowly transitioning from an affair, just sex instead of lunches, into a relationship where they were finally getting to know each other.
See you in a while.
Okay, what do you want for dinner? He disappeared behind the fogged glass again.
Alicia shrugged. Whatever you want is okay by me.
Okay, see you!
Bye!
—- — — —- — —- —-—
What do you want for dinner tomorrow?
Zach wanted to roll his eyes but refrained from it. While he loved his grandmother, he didn't see the point of spending time at dad's if he was never going to be around anyway. Mom seemed to be trying to compensate for everything by actually spending time with them these days, but dad still got caught up in the office most afternoons, leaving them with Jackie. Besides, they were grown up enough to not need babysitting anymore, weren't they?
I was thinking I could make meatloaf or lasagna.
Meatloaf! We had lasagna on Saturday. Grace was quick to answer.
Oh well, but it's never quite the same as homemade one.
Mom cooked. Zach said, feeling the need to clear that up.
Oh, I thought she hadn't been cooking lately. If there was something Jackie loved to criticize about Alicia was her lack of compliance with what she considered basic housewife standards, like cooking everyday.
We had people over: grandma Veronica, uncle Owen and Mr. William Gardner.
Zach opened his eyes wide, trying to silently signal Grace to shut up. She caught his look and mouthed "what?!" in confusion. Jackie, who was taking the plates to the sink, turned in interest.
William Gardner? The name wasn't unknown to her since Alicia had mentioned him a few times. She worked with him, didn't she? Jackie frowned as she tried to remember what had been said about him back then.
Zach was quick to intervene. Yes, mom's boss. He brought over some files for a case and mom offered him to stay for dinner. He could feel Grace's look drilling a hole in the back of his neck and he really wished Jackie didn't notice his sister's attitude.
Oh. After a moment of silence, the woman turned again to the sink. Right, he had been the one to hire her. I thought Veronica was in Alaska.
Zach finally let his breath out at the change of topics. She was, but she just moved here because her husband died.
He did? The conversation focused on Veronica and thankfully Gardner wasn't brought up again.
Later that night, finally out of Jackie's earshot, Grace confronted Zach.
What was that about?!
What? Zach asked, even if he very well knew what she meant.
She rolled her eyes at him. Lying to grandma?
The word lying made it sound way worse, he thought, but she was right after all.
I didn't mean to, but... you know, mom hasn't made that public, so I don't think we should be saying it around, that's all.
But it's grandma! And mom never said it was a secret.
Yes, it's grandma, but do you remember how she reacted when she found out I was going out with Niza? Or when she went to confront Shannon's mom? I just think she overreacts sometimes, so we should let mom and her figure it out and not get caught in the middle.
Grace sat on the edge of Zach's bed. She loved Jackie, but she had to admit she wasn't the best dealing with family situations. I feel bad for keeping things from her.
She won't know if you don't bring it up. He shrugged.
Do you think dad knows about it?
About Mr. Gardner? No, I don't think so. I mean, it would be kind of a weird conversation between them, don't you think? Like hey, by the way, my baby's daddy is my boss.
Grace laughed. Yes, I guess you're right about that. So, we just won't mention it?
Yeah, I mean, unless they ask specifically, I guess.
Okay... What did you think of him at dinner?
Gardner? I don't know. But mom looks happy with him. And uncle Owen and grandma both seemed to like him.
Grace nodded in agreement. You think he'll end up moving in with us?
I'm almost sure. Zach said with half a smile. I just hope they find a new place. If we stay at the apartment everything will be super cramped.
When dad was there it wasn't that bad.
Yeah, but now there's going to be the baby too.
She nodded again, pensively.
I hope it's a girl. I always wanted a sister.
Hey, that's unfair. I would be way outnumbered.
They laughed. It was a strange situation, but novelty isn't always so terrible once you've had time to process it.
—-—- — — —- — —- —-—-
Alicia walked into the restaurant, looking around, until she caught sight of a profile she would've recognized anywhere. She walked all the way to the booth and signaled him to slide and make room for her to seat.
Hey.
Hi. I thought Marina had already arrived. She said, checking her watch.
Will shook his head. No, but I don't know what she looks like, so if she did I probably would've missed her.
Alicia exhaled with half a smile, both entertained at Will's unconcerned answer and happy to finally get to sit down. Her belly was starting to weight enough to put extra strain on her spine, making her resent being in the same position for too long, and she had just spent all morning standing behind the curtain at a conference as one of Eli's clients tried to convince his investors that their CEO's recent arrest was nothing to be worried about. Lately, her contributions to Eli's department had been more scarce, as she was no longer Saint Alicia and he was starting to work in Peter's campaign, dedicating less time to crisis management; however, Alicia had been so busy with her own life that she hadn't even noticed, and even if she had, she couldn't have cared less. Not having Eli calling her all day long to appear at some meeting was actually a relief.
Alicia distractedly took the menu Will had left on the table and suddenly waved with her other hand towards her realtor.
Marina, hi!
Oh, hello Alicia! I had already gone around once but I must've missed you.
I just arrived. This is Will Gardner. Marina, my realtor. Alicia pointed at each one as they shook hands and smiled politely.
Marina left her purse and took a seat, as she finally observed the man besides Alicia, whom she had probably missed on her first walk around the restaurant. After she had seen the interview about the pregnancy she realized that the last apartment she'd gotten for her longtime client had most likely been for her now ex-husband. With her new request, she hadn't been sure if the baby's daddy would be showing up, but she had certainly hoped he would, if only for the sake of curiosity.
As a realtor it was a part of her job to figure out the family dynamics, so the place she offered pleased everyone involved. While she had worked mostly with Alicia, she had met Peter Florrick too, and she couldn't help comparing Mr. Gardner and his interactions with Alicia to his predecessor as they ordered.
She took the menu the waiter offered but constantly looked above it to the couple in front. While he wasn't the most handsome man around, there was an attractiveness to the way he dressed and behaved. His handshake had transmitted her confidence and determination. The name sounded vaguely familiar but she couldn't pinpoint why. As they read the menus, she noticed the dynamics between her clients were quite different from what Peter and Alicia's had been. Back then, they seemed to have pretty defined roles and their interaction wasn't as constant as it now was with Mr. Gardner. They were constantly searching for each other, whether it was a touch, a comment or even just a look. As they decided on their order, he constantly suggested things she might like, and she pointed out the things they didn't like, until they found together what each wanted. She could just hope they agreed like that when it came to real estate.
So, you're looking for a new place? She headed straight to business after the waiter left with the order.
Yes. They both answered, and then Alicia spoke.
You know, my apartment isn't really fit for a baby. All the rooms are occupied, and while I could adapt the laundry room, it's too far away from mine and I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving the kid alone there. Besides, there are many divisions, drawers within reach, cables, the bookshelves... it isn't exactly the safest place around.
Marina nodded and smiled. Yes, the design wasn't really thought with a baby in mind.
Will felt a little alarmed at what had just been said. He had never thought about baby-proofing a place. Thanks god Alicia was there, because it seemed he would've been a disaster if left alone to care for a child. He always felt a step behind whenever they spoke about pregnancy or babies, even if he had been googling as much as possible about it lately.
You told me on your email the minimum was four bedrooms. And the safety is obviously a must. But is there something else you've considered that you absolutely need?
Alicia and Will's eyes met. I don't think so. He answered and she nodded in agreement.
Parking spaces? "Clients never know what they need until someone reminds them" was one of Marina's mottoes.
Oh, yeah. Two at least. Preferably three. Alicia said, counting both their cars and Zach's. While he could leave it at Peter's or on the street, she knew he wouldn't be too willing to give the comfort of his car and the parking space he had now.
Or four. Will added quietly. Alicia turned in surprise at him, questioningly.
The Camaro? He reminded her, kind of sheepishly.
Right. She had totally forgotten about Will's other car. The 67 convertible Camaro in the extra parking space he'd bought in his building (hence it being in the second basement where they rarely went) and that he only drove for vacations or special occasions. Another one of his self-indulging purchases.
I mean, I guess I could ask my folks to keep it in Baltimore or pay the garage if the place doesn't have a spot...
Marina came to the rescue. Ok, I'll see how many parking spaces we can get, don't worry.
Thanks.
Do you need a studio, backyard, something else?
Well, if it's a house I think a yard would be fantastic. Especially if it's enclosed, you know, so the baby can play safely.
And a studio might be handy. We do take work home often.
Alicia nodded, but she knew that with the budget she had in mind, there was no way all of that could happen. At least not if they wanted to stay anywhere near the areas they frequented.
So, I have a general idea of what you want. Any particular style?
The lawyers looked at each other. No, I don't think so.
Conversation slowed down a little since the food had arrived, Alicia snatching fries from Will's plate every now and then. While the contents of her plate were tasty, she was disappointed at the lack of fries in it. He just smiled inwardly any time her hand approached his plate.
Well, now, budget. How much are we talking about here?
I was thinking of something along the lines of my current place.
Marina lifted almost imperceptibly a brow. It was a very tight budget to work with.
But... Will chimed in... we could go a little higher if you find something wondrous.
He didn't want to contradict Alicia, so he wasn't going to admit his bottom line, which was way higher than what she had established, but he did want to leave the possibility of something better open.
Marina nodded. She was getting the feeling the budget was more of a suggestion than a requisite, at least for him.
Any specific areas in town?
Well, Zach and Grace are enrolled at Capstone, so it wouldn't hurt to be close. There also other good schools in the area. But we would also appreciate something near the office too, right?
Will nodded. Yes, or something in between those areas. Or at least accesible. You know, that we don't have to spend and hour stuck in traffic to get there.
You mean Lockhart/Gardner, right?
Yes. Finally, Marina linked the name of the man in front with that of Alicia's office, and she couldn't help feeling slightly shocked; after all, Alicia Cavanaugh had never come across as someone who'd sleep with her boss. However, she was pretty good at hiding her surprise.
Okay, we have several options available in those neighborhoods, but I have to filter them to your needs. I can probably send you the options in a few days and we could arrange visits in a couple of weeks.
Alicia nodded. Sure, do you think you can send them at the office, please?
Of course.
So, when are you due? Marina's tone was more casual this time, simply making some friendly chat.
February 10, Alicia smiled.
Do you know what is it going to be?
No, not yet.
Well, let's hope we have you moved and settled before this little one arrives.
Yes, please! Preferably while I can still tie my own shoes. Alicia laughed.
The rest of the lunch was casual chat, mostly about the places Marina had gotten for her before. Will listened curiously to the glimpse of what Alicia's life had been before Lockhart/Gardner. After learning what her house at Highland Park had been like, he was amazed they'd gotten used to such a small space in her current apartment. They definitely needed somewhere else.
—- — — —- — —- —-—
Later that night, Alicia slid in bed until her body established contact with Will's. He was semi-seated, his pillow propped behind him, as he reviewed some case in the L/G tablet, his bedside lamp casting a soft orange glow over his side of the bed. His left hand dropped to caress her hair, that was now spilled over his abdomen.
Let's go to sleep. Alicia mumbled, her hand sliding under his T-shirt, her thumb rhythmically moving over his skin.
Sorry. Will said, as he stretched to turn off the lamp.
No, it's okay. I don't mind. She assured him, now only her profile outlined by the whiter light of the screen.
It's just this case Julius asked me to review. She could see his brows draw a little closer in frustration. Our client is guilty as hell and I don't know what are we going to do.
Well, as someone has told me before, our clients are guilty sometimes, and there's not much we can do.
Will smiled at her words. You're right, but he won't pay us if we don't do anything.
She chuckled. Take a plea bargain.
He shook his head. ASA won't take it. They're still playing tough with plea bargains. And they have everything they need to put this guy away for good.
Alicia propped herself on her elbow to peek at the tablet. What did he do?
Murder. And the bloody, premeditated, I'll-make-sure-you're-dead type.
She couldn't help a small chuckle at his description of the crime; even if in itself the situation wasn't funny, they had to learn to find the lighter side to keep them working without collapsing at everything they had to see.
There's always some technicality around you can use to force them into settling.
Her finger slid through the screen, eyeing the file.
I hate to be that lawyer.
Zealously represent your clients, Mr. Gardner. Check chain of custody, the arrest in itself, the report's redaction... there's always something there.
Yeah, you're right, but I'll do that tomorrow. He said, turning off the tablet and placing it on the nightstand. He turned to slide the pillow back to its place and he felt Alicia lie down once more. Once his eyes had settled into the darkness, he saw hers staring at him. He opened his arm and she nestled into his embrace, her belly making a soft pressure into his body when she breathed.
We need to talk to my kids, Will.
He wondered how long she'd been carrying that thought for. Probably since lunch.
About moving in together?
She was surprised he knew. She didn't know if she was so transparent or he had a special ability to read her.
I need to know if that can work. Us, and my kids, living under the same roof. They're teenagers, they're hard to be around sometimes, even for me. I know the week they're at Peter's is helpful as it gives us the chance to figure some things out and be together, but I don't suppose you want to be splitting places every other week too?
He chuckled. No. Not really.
It's just... Alicia's fingers found his in the darkness, and she squeezed his hand. He softly pressed on her knuckles. Moving in with someone brings a lot of challenges. And we think it's great and that we can do it but then you find the socks in the hall or the hair in the shower and those small things end up causing troubles. And I don't want us to be dealing with that when we have to settle to a whole new routine because of Popcorn.
Will didn't know where was all of this coming from. Maybe all that talk with Marina had stirred up more memories than what he had realized. He sighed before answering.
Leesh, I know you think we're short of time, but I don't want you to feel rushed into taking this forward either. There was again that uncanny mind-reading ability of his. While I certainly want to be with this baby and help you around and, overall be with you, I can perfectly split places for a while until we've figured things out. And not because I'm not living there full time I'll withdraw my offer to help with rent, I can assure you that. I want the best for you and for this little one. His other hand caressed her bump. I'll go as fast or as slow as you want me to.
Alicia's hand suddenly tightened its grip on Will's.
Did you feel that?!
No, what? Will was confused.
The baby. It just moved again!
It did? No, I didn't feel anything. His hand moved slightly on the surface of her bump, cluelessly trying to locate the movement. Alicia guided it a little further down.
There, it moved again.
Will shook his head.
No.
She sighed, releasing his hand. Well, at least we now know it likes to have you around and say hi.
He smiled and suddenly scooted towards the edge of the bed, until he could place a kiss on the bump.
I like to have you around too, Popcorn. And I'll soon be able to feel you too.
Maybe it was Will's sudden display of affection that made her open up.
No, Will, I don't want you to split places. I want you to live this with me, to be there with and for your child. It's just... I'm scared things are going to go wrong.
Even in the darkness, she looked away and bit her lower lip. Just peeking behind the walls she'd built around herself was a very hard step. And she might've not said it, but the rest of the sentence wasn't so hard to guess. She was afraid they'd end up hating each other, that whatever there was between them didn't work out in the end. They'd thought so much about what could be, what they wanted it to be, that it was easy to be disappointed by real life. Will looked at her and scooted up again. He held her face softly, and approached until his face was just inches away. As he spoke, Alicia could still smell the lingering scent of mint of his toothpaste.
I'm scared too, Alicia. While I never imagined myself as a father, I've grown so fond of the idea in this months that just thinking of not being there, of screwing this up, scares me. But we'll never know if we never try. And as I said in Saturday , I'm going all in in this. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I didn't. Yes, I doubt it'll be perfect, and yes, some days we'll probably want to kill each other, but I know in the end we can do this. Because it isn't just something we are doing for this baby, it is for ourselves too, isn't it?
And Alicia couldn't deny that. Forced by circumstances as it might have been, they were embarking in this adventure because they wanted to be with each other, give "them" a try, not only because she was pregnant. Had it been the case, it would've been the easiest thing in the world to split custody and keep going with their lives separately. But instead, they'd chosen the rough path that might finally be their chance after twenty years.
She nodded in the dark, her dilated pupils fixing in Will's eyes. Yes, okay. Let's try this. We'll find a way to make this work, together. She whispered. And then they kissed. Slowly, relishing in their company, their lips sealing the promise they'd just made. Once they broke the kiss, Alicia turned her back towards Will but held his arm, prompting him to spoon her, which he happily did. Once she was comfortable she spoke again.
I'll talk to my kids about searching for a new place, and the possibility of you moving in with us. But I think it'd be good if you start spending more time around them from now on, so they get used to you and don't feel so invaded when the moving happens.
I agree. I think it'd be good for us to start meeting in neutral places, so they don't think I'm always showing up at your apartment either. But I was wondering how can we do that with the press? The last thing I want is them and you showing up in the tabloids again.
Alicia thought for a moment. I guess eventually it'll be unavoidable, but we could pick places in the periphery, keep a low profile.
Wear caps and sunglasses?
She laughed, they'd done all of those things at least once during the affair. Yes, maybe. You know, Zach loves to go to Six Flags. We can arrange something. A day there, they'll be most of the times in the rides anyway, so it can be a good start.
I like the sound of that. No one cares who is around them there either.
Exactly, it's perfect.
It is. Let me know when to make sure we both have the day free.
Could be next week, but let me check their school schedules too.
Okay. He buried his nose in her hair and held her tighter for a moment. He felt her relax into him and he smiled.
Goodnight, Leesh.
Goodnight, Will.