Memories
Balin was hoping as he came into the Shire. He was hoping that they would find their burglar, that they would find the person that would help them through this suicide quest of theirs. He was hoping that the hobbit Gandalf spoke so fondly of was a true burglar with sticky fingers just like Nori. That's why he was disappointed. He was so, so disappointed when he met Bilbo Baggins and when he decided not to come with them. He was obviously not a thief, he obviously didn't have any weapon training, he was too soft, too fussy. Yes, Bilbo Baggins, Balin decided that night, would not survive a single day in the wilds. He pushed away the discourage he felt and tried to convince Thorin that he didn't have to do this. But when did he ever succeed at convincing Thorin? Never and that time, was just one of the thousand previous failures. Unsurprisingly, sleep didn't come easily that night.
Balin wasn't really sure of what to feel when they heard the hobbit trailing behind them, contract in hand. He was somehow disgruntled because they would have to protect him and he wouldn't be able to burgle the dragon in the end, if he fainted by just hearing someone talking about one. And then again he felt a little happy, because... Well because little is better nothing. But as the scholar watched the Grey Wizard talk with the hobbit and take the gold he won in the betting pool, he couldn't place the reason why a little hobbit would leave his cosy home to follow thirteen strangers and a wizard on a crazy adventure. It surpassed his level of understanding. And then he looked again at Gandalf's crinkles and Bilbo's hidden smile, he knew there was one reason, one the both of them knew.
He discovered what it was about two weeks after they left the Shire behind. It was two days after the two princes made their juvenile prank and got heavily scolded by their uncle. Balin was on watch at that time, it was late into the night when he heard the first noise. A sob, small, almost unheard. The dwarf frowned. Then it started again but gained in power, frequency and desperation contained in it. He got up, trying to find the source of the noise. As he watched his companions, friends and kin, he totally overlooked Bilbo at the end of camp on his own. Then a heart wrenching noise came again and Balin knew it was from the soft looking hobbit. Yet, he was unsure about getting closer and waking him up. "No, mom. The wolves mom. The wolves. NOO!" And Bilbo jolted awake as Balin jerked away, surprised by the sudden yell. The burglars hand immediately covered his mouth to muffle the sobs and cries, and he took gasping breaths for awhile, trying to regain composure. It was when the old advisor handed him a flask of water that Bilbo noticed him here. He drank in gulps, emptying it quickly. He gave it back, rubbed his forehead and let out a self-deprecating chuckle. "I'm sorry you had to witness that Master Balin. I should have... I should have woken up sooner. Again I apologize for disturbing you." Balin gaped at the creature in front of him. " What are you apologizing for Master Baggins? You suffer night terrors, it is totally normal." The dwarf reassured with a soft voice.
"It's because of the wolves you see. It reminds me of things I'd prefer forget about. My mother was an adventurer you know, she traveled to Rivendell, Bree, even Ered Luin. She's the reason I know Gandalf at all. While my father, he was the most respectable of all Bagginses and they are very respectable. It took everyone by surprise when they married, caused a stir in all Hobbiton. But my father need tried to stop my mother from going and she never tried to drag him on her adventures. And one winter, everything suddenly changed. It was colder than any of the winters before, food and warmth were scarce. Then the Brandywine river froze, and the wolves crossed. I remember painfully well my father getting out of the house to find some wood we desperately needed. I never saw him again. We knew, me and my mom, that it was the wolves. But she couldn't just leave him out there, so she decided to get out to search him. That's just how strong their love was. I begged her not to go, not to leave me alone. All she could do was smile and kiss my forehead before she left. I was worried, extremely worried, so I followed her. I came right on time to see the vicious monsters feast with her dead body, the hand outstreched towards a big stain of blood on the snow, before I ran home, like the coward I am..."
Bilbo trailed off and for those few seconds, Balin cursed himself in all the languages he could speak. That's what he got for judging a book by its cover. Bilbo Baggins had gone through a lot more than any of the young ones in the company. "I don't know why I said all of that Master Balin. Please excuse me, I know you already have your own burdens to bear and shouldn't be sharing mine." The dwarf shook his head quickly. "Nonsense Master Baggins. I am honored you thought of me as trustworthy enough to share your personal burdens. I just hope that Mahal will, one day, let you and your family find each other. Your parents seem like good persons." He said and Bilbo let a sad, small smile curve his lips upwards. "That they were Master Balin. That they were..."
After that, they sat for a few hours in silence, a nice and comfortable silence. After a few hours, Bilbo went back to sleep, bidding his goodnight. Balin had a few more hours before he had to wake up Dwalin for the next watch and lit his pipe. Two weeks before, he had wondered what the reasons to join them, for someone like the hobbit, were. Now he knew. He knew Bilbo came to honor his mother adventurous streak and to satisfy his own. He came to escape from the silence and the dullness that invaded his home since the death of his parents. He came to run away from his past. Now that he knew, the old dwarf wasn't sure if he was happy he solved that mystery. And if in the morning, the company noticed that Balin spent a lot more time with Bilbo, or the slight smiles they both had stuck on the face, none of them said anything.
Next: Fili
I just wanted to quickly thank all those who followed, who faved and who reviewed. Thanks a lot, you all make my days.
P.S. Is it strange that I made both sons of Fundin talk about nightmares? Tell me what you think in the reviews or in PMs