Despite her best efforts, Sam felt her breathing speed up, her heart pounding in her ears. It was easy to distract herself from the horror of what she'd done when she was with Tucker… with Danny unconscious, she felt so terrifyingly alone.
"I shouldn't be worrying about that. It's in the past, right?" Sam asked Danny softly. His head slumped further down her shoulder in response. She walked down Tucker's street, headed towards a small community playground she knew of that they could hole up in for now.
"I mean, I don't even get to feel shitty. You're the one that has to go through all of this. You're the person I got killed."
She walked in silence until she reached the park, the gravity of her words weighing on her more heavily than the weight of Danny's body ever could.
The playground was meager – it consisted of swing set and a set of monkey bars that connected to a platform with a small slide at the end. She backed up to the platform and eased Danny's rear onto it, then grabbed both of his arms that dangled loosely around her chest so his torso wouldn't fall. Sam rotated around, then gently eased his body down so he could lay on his back.
Sam walked around the platform and climbed up the small plastic slide, sitting at the edge of it so her feet rested back down the slope. Danny's head lay right behind her, his gangly legs dangling off the edge of the playground equipment.
Sam looked up at the stars and sighed, taking in the silence for a moment. She could practically hear Danny talking her ear off as he always did when they were outside at night: And that star there, that's actually Mars, see how it's got the reddish tint to it? While we're out here, there's a new constellation that should be visible, I think you'll really like this one…
Sam sighed. "All you ever wanted to be was an astronaut… and I took that from you, didn't I?"
She wanted to look back at him but couldn't stand seeing his blood-soaked face. Everything from the chunks of burned, dead skin peeling off his cheeks to his likely-broken nose was her fault. She knew that.
"I was so worried that we weren't going to be friends anymore, Danny. I was so scared. And now that just feels… so stupid." Tears stung her eyes. "Because now I'm afraid of losing you in a whole different way."
The tears escaped, pouring down her cheeks. Sam hated herself for it. Danny was the one suffering and here she was, crying as if she was the one that got murdered by her own best friend.
"Why do I always have to make everything about myself?" Sam asked bitterly. "This is all my fault. Stupid Sam Manson wanted you to go into the broken ghost portal."
She was fully crying now, unable to compose herself now that she was alone. Her words were barely coherent in between her sobs and gasps, but they kept spilling from her lips. "I wish you didn't want to be friends anymore, Danny. Then maybe you'd be safe right now, in your own bed instead of bleeding on this stupid goddamn playground equipment."
Sam pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. Tears soaked into her tights. She sobbed for a minute in silence, trying to catch her breath. "I ruined your LIFE! You're alive now, I think, but we don't know how any of this works. What if you keep burning up energy and disappear? What if your body can't handle it!? What am I going to do if you leave me here ALONE!?"
She screamed, her voice echoing off the row houses. The stars twinkled, mocking her. The neighborhood responded with an uncaring silence.
She clamped a hand over her mouth, trying to quiet herself. Sam knew she was spiraling but didn't know how to stop. Her shoulders shook violently with every suppressed sob.
Danny drifted into consciousness. He was greeted with blood pounding in his face, much more than earlier. His nose throbbed painfully. What… what happened to me?
Danny moved his arms slightly, feeling the smooth, dirty surface beneath him. Where am I?
He didn't dare get up yet – he was afraid he'd pass right back out again. He looked up at the night sky – he spotted Mars with ease, floating to the west of Pisces. He followed Pisces to the right, tracing the outline of Aquarius with his eyes.
"I ruined your LIFE!"
He jumped at the sudden noise, recognizing it immediately as Sam's voice. He'd never heard her like this in his life. Screaming with rage or indignation was commonplace, but… it was always on behalf of something else, like fighting climate change, or yelling at a protest she organized. This was different. Raw.
"You're alive now, I think, but we don't know how any of this works. What if you keep burning up energy and disappear? What if your body can't handle it!? What am I going to do if you leave me here ALONE!?"
Danny would be scared if he wasn't so exhausted. I already feel dead – if I haven't withered away by now, I doubt I'm going to.
He opened his mouth to speak but hesitated. He knew she wasn't really talking to him… and he wanted to comfort Sam, not embarrass her.
Danny waited a minute before announcing his consciousness. "…Sam?"
He heard quick movements, then Sam came into sight as she leaned over him. He saw the tears shining on her cheeks, reflecting the streetlights.
"Are you… Sam, what's wrong?" His nose sounded plugged.
Sam wiped at her eyes again. "It's fine, Danny. Um… how much of that did you hear?"
"Nothing, you just… it looks like you were crying," Danny said, hoping his lie was convincing. "Can I… Can we talk about it?"
"I'd rather we didn't."
"I don't…" Danny sighed, exhausted, unsure what to do. "Okay."
"Tucker's going to text me when he's ready for us. He's in his house right now, trying to find a way to sneak us in." Sam said, changing the subject with a sniff. "It'll be a lot easier now that you're conscious."
"Yeah, speaking of… what happened? I feel like I got hit by a train."
"You mean besides the whole ghost portal thing?" Sam asked sardonically.
Danny tried to offer her a weak laugh, wincing at the pain. Sam flinched back.
"You passed out earlier when your ghost thing was going crazy," Sam continued. "You fell face first onto the sidewalk."
"'Ghost thing?' What are you talking about?"
"You don't remember?"
Danny shook his head, rotating it only a few centimeters each way to avoid hurting himself. "We were just walking to Tucker's house. Then I woke up here with you."
"Those rings appeared around your body again. You were changing back and forth really fast… I think it made you sick. You were trying to throw up and then just passed out."
Danny wracked his brain but truly couldn't remember anything. He did feel nauseous, but it was hard to tell if that was from these "rings" or any of the other million injuries he'd gotten that night.
"So what are 'the rings?' Tucker mentioned it before, too, in the guidance counselor's office."
Sam blinked, processing. "You… you don't know? Then how-"
Sam's phone beeped. She left Danny's field of view, he heard her pull it out of her pocket and start to press various buttons.
Danny opened his mouth to speak but hesitated. He couldn't let Sam just change the subject like that, let her act like everything was okay. But he didn't want to embarrass her either. Sam could be stubborn, and she barely talked about real things that were bothering her. Danny heard her – she was tearing herself apart over something stupid that he did. He didn't have to be the one to go into his parents' portal. Sam was smart enough to not accidentally hit giant, obvious "ON" buttons.
"Tucker's ready for us. His parents are asleep… do you-"
"Sam, all this is my fault."
Silence.
Way to go Fenton, you pissed her off again.
Danny waited a few more moments for a response, then slowly leaned on his forearm so he could partially sit up and look at her. His vision blurred for a second, and his nose throbbed harder, but he managed to hold the pose.
Sam was looking down at her hands, which rested limply in her lap. The phone screen in her right hand had gone dark. Her stare focused on nothing – it seemed like she was somewhere else entirely.
"Sam? I can't… I can't let you blame yourself, okay?"
Sam shook her head quickly, as if pushing away a thought. She raised her head and looked at Danny with sad eyes. He was shocked to see blood smeared on the side of her face and down her neck.
"It was my choice to go into the portal. I could've said no; I could've made us leave the basement. But I uh… well, I chose to go in. It had nothing to do with you, okay?"
Sam gave him a smile. It reminded Danny of the one his mom put on that morning – a grin that didn't reach her eyes. It perturbed him, he was used to seeing righteous anger from Sam, not a mask. "Thank you, Danny. I know that. Don't worry about me, okay? Let's get you inside."
Danny frowned. He knew he wouldn't be able to push her any farther. He wished he was better with words. He wished he was smarter, so he could figure out why she was so upset at herself for his mistake. "Okay, Sam. But… if you wanna talk about it, I'm here."
Sam ignored his comment and stood up on the playground equipment, stretching. "Alright, well… sorry to tell you this, Danny, but you're gonna have to let me carry you," she said, suddenly mischievous.
She hopped to the ground then spun back around to shoot him another grin, this one seemed more genuine.
I get the message, Sam. I'll drop it. The best way to help her feel better, at least right now, was to play along.
"Oh, no way," he said, forcing a chuckle. "How could I ever show my face at school if I let a girl carry me? Nuh uh, not happening."
That's if I get to go back to school.
Embarrassing scenarios rushed through his head – turning invisible during roll call, his eyes glowing green as he concentrated on a test. His parents storming the school with anti-ecto weapons in tow. Worst of all, turning intangible on accident and sinking through the floor, only to turn tangible and suffocate underground. Danny thought about the disturbing feeling of intangibility: the unbearable tingles that rushed over his entire body, the slight-
He didn't have time to react before his body slipped through the playground equipment, sending him crashing into the wood chips below. He saw stars, letting out an involuntary groan.
"Danny!" Sam shouted, rushing to crouch under the platform to scan for injuries.
"Okay…" Danny said, dizzy. His mouth felt wet, he tasted copper. He lifted a hand up towards Sam for help. "You win, I'll take that carry now, please."
A.N.: Hi everyone! Here's your weekly serving of Danny angst. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter, I'm still not sure how to feel about it but I'm glad I can offer you a look into Sam's thought process. Credit to stelvision's sky map for giving me an accurate view of the night sky about Amity Park in September. We care about accuracy, here, people!
A big thank you to my buddy hazama_d20 for beta-reading this. You can check him out on AO3!
Our weekly shout outs: Thank you to sevgre, Ultrademigod, FreakOfYourNature, and Anna Ava for the follows and The Keeper of Worlds and Dp-Marvel94 for the reviews! You guys are rad!
- Ani