A/N: I really love this chapter. It makes me giggle lol. Also, at this point, Bella has been in Forks for 2 weeks.

If you're interested...I have Bella's break-up song for Edward. I think it fits her perfectly!
"Value" - Tori Kelly

Disclaimer:
All recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I do not make money form this.

Enjoy!

Chapter 12: Fight

I actually couldn't believe what I was doing.

I stood in front of the mirror of my room. I was staring at myself. I fidgeted with my sweater sleeves. I didn't have the most expressive wardrobe. I just hadn't had the time or energy to spend into my appearance over the last few years. I knew I wasn't horribly ugly. I didn't look like a toad. I knew that much. But suddenly I felt incredibly insignificant and dull. I mean, Jacob asked Phoenix out. Phoenix, for lack of a better word, was sexy as hell. She was tall and curvy. A bronzed goddess with a mane of black silk for hair. She looked badass in that dress the night I saved her. She knew what she had and she flaunted it. Honestly, more power to her. If I looked like her I wouldn't mind doing the same thing. But when I look at myself, I don't really see much. I always knew I looked rather average.

My ex-husband only loved me for the silence I provided him with my blocked mind. He only loved me for my blood that appealed to the depths of the predator inside. I knew that. I had come to terms with that a few years ago. We were having a discussion about relationships with the ladies. We were focusing on how some relationships are not really based on love, but on how our partners seek something rather selfish and self-fulfilling. We exploit these traits in a way. We hold onto them for the wrong reasons and vice versa. That was my last relationship. I knew that. And I have accepted it. It's just a shame it caused so much damage before it was too late.

However, that left me questioning my self-worth. A lot. I was able to fully love and accept myself on the inside. But on the outside, that was a whole other battle. In the past I never knew why my ex-husband loved me. Because, on the outside I wasn't much to look at. There just wasn't much of me period. I was small and short. Pale and just average. My clothes were plain. I know not everything is about appearance, but it's an addictive thought process. What about me is attractive if anything? I never really knew why Jacob loved me as much as he did. What about me did he like? I didn't want to drive myself nuts about it, but I've always wondered.

I knew why I loved him. God did I love him. My ex-husband was infatuation. I knew that now. With Jacob it was love. Full love and joy and acceptance. I fell in love with him for reasons that people wouldn't ever see. His personality and how it just bathed everything he touched with life and light. His silly, goofball nature. He was so funny and sweet. He wasn't afraid to poke and prod at my nerves. I loved it. He wasn't gentle and he didn't ever treat me like I was breakable. He pushed and pulled at me. Playfully. He would push me to my edges and tug at my ear like a little boy with a crush. He was so fucking passionate about the shit he did. He was intelligent as hell. Still is, I'm sure. He wasn't flaunting hundreds of years of knowledge and boredom. He was showing me his drive and hunger to learn. He loved his cars. He learned everything himself. Sixteen. I still was in awe of that boy. How his nimble fingers could fix things that looked like a tangle of metal and wires. He was so fucking good at it. He still is. He was so open and eager. He was excited to do anything. He made the most boring things my favorite things in the world. His humor was mine. We had nothing in common but everything in common at the same time. He didn't read my books. He didn't cook or bake. He didn't spend his time alone. He was learning and working. He was running and playing. He was out with friends. Extroverted and bright. He was everything. My perfect opposite. He never pitied me. Even in those shitty, dark days of my break up. He never looked at me like I needed coddling or soothing. He just lived with me. He lived and helped me live again. His energy was healing. His presence and personality was healing.

And I broke that. I stomped it out of him. I broke the lightbulb. I covered the sun with my clouds.

I stared at myself in the mirror. Here I was, allowing this broken man rule so much of my self-worth and thoughts. I couldn't let him do this to me. I had to remember who the hell I was. I knew my worth. I didn't need anyone to validate it. I had to get a grip. I wouldn't shed tears over than man again. I couldn't.

/

"You sure you want to do this?" she asked as we approached the glowing flames nestled in the sand down the beach.

I took a deep breath. "Yeah. I mean I fucked up right? I should apologize," I murmured, fighting back the anxiety bubbling in my throat. After a lot of contemplation, I realized that my behavior two days ago wasn't okay. I knew the pack was glad I said those things, but I knew I had no right to go into his garage and spew his personal life in front of everyone. It just pissed me the fuck off. He was such an asshole. And I wouldn't ever keep my mouth shut for him or anyone. I still wanted to apologize because I was decent fucking person. I was doing this for the pack. That was all.

She bit her lip and nodded. "Alright."

We walked in silence for a moment.

"So where does Phoenix think you are?" I asked.

She grinned and rolled her eyes. "I told her some shit thing about me working late tonight. She would flip her shit if she knew I was hanging out with Jacob and his friends. They're literally like my brothers and she has no clue," she mumbled, a troubled expression on her face.

I furrowed my brow. "Don't you want to tell her? I mean, instead of lying and sneaking around?"

She shook her head. "I can't. I don't want her to run in the other direction. This shit isn't for the faint of heart. She's strong, don't get me wrong. But, I turn into a giant dog, Bella. I'm afraid she'll just see me as a monster and not want to be around me anymore," she frowned, her face defeated.

My heart ached for her. I couldn't help her with this, but I wished I could.

"I know, Leah. You're protecting her. If you think you're doing what's best then, I'm sure you are."

She gave me a small smile. "I have no fucking clue. But, I can't risk losing her. No way."

I nodded and kept silent as we approached closer to the group.

It was pack bonding. The wolves and imprints would hold a bonfire one Friday of every month on the beach to just hang out, eat, talk, and be free for just a bit. Leah said it helped them relax and forget about the monsters and demons. About work and hard shit. And now, I was pack. This would be my first and probably only bonding bonfire. And I think that would be okay with me.

Embry and Seth were fighting over a bag of chips at a table set up with a shit ton of food. Quil was ankle deep in the water with a child. Claire. She wasn't a baby anymore. Jared was on one of the logs resting around the fire with Kim. She had a big protruding belly. She was glowing. It made my heart swell. It made me miss the ladies at the shelter who could possibly give birth in my absence. She rubbed her belly with a smile on her face as he whispered something in her ear.

I looked at the figures sitting across from them and I almost started sprinting in the opposite direction. Rachel was sitting atop Paul's lap talking and laughing with him. If anyone had any right to hate my fucking guts, it would be her. He was rubbing her belly. Hers looked normal. Was she expecting?

My eyes drifted from the chattering couple to the lone figure sitting near them. His body was slightly hidden behind the flames. Great. He was gonna look scarier than normal with the fire in his soulless eyes. He stared pensively at the fire before him, his posture tense and rigid.

"Bella? You good? What's wrong?" Leah whispered to me.

I had stopped walking.

I cleared my throat. "I don't think I should be here," I breathed and tore my eyes away from him to look at her. "I shouldn't- I can't-"

"Bella, don't back down like this. Don't let him do this to you. What happened to the badass chick that snapped back at me in the grocery store, huh? Don't do this. You're stronger than this. You know it. You don't need me to tell you that," she whispered fiercely to me.

I clenched my eyes, swallowing the lump in my throat. Fuck. I was such a wuss. "I'm sorry," I breathed and took a steadying breath.

"Bella!" someone called my name from the distance.

Paul.

Oh shit.

The woman sitting on his lap turned her eyes to me. She did not look happy. She could try and intimidate me. She has every right to hate me. But, I wasn't scared of anyone. She didn't know me. I swallowed my anxiety and kept my face neutral and I looked back at her.

"Alright. I'm good," I muttered to Leah and kept walking forward.

I took a steadying breath as I approached Paul and Rachel. He was smirking up at me as she glared right at me, shamelessly. It made me quiver slightly. She was a fierce one. I could see it. As nervous at it made me, I loved women like her. I couldn't help but admire the heat in her stare.

I felt my face lift an easy smile. I filled my thoughts with my strong women.

I could see Jacob out of the corner of my eye from his seat near the fire. I resisted the urge to peek at him and kept my eyes steadily on Paul and Rachel. I tried to ignore the sense of calm and peace that enveloped me as I approached the fire. It was fucking annoying since all I wanted to do was stay away from him. Instead my body craved to climb on top of that man and take all the comfort he could give me. But, I wasn't about to throw myself at him. No way. Just one apology and that was it.

"Sup, bro," I grinned and patted Paul's shoulder. I turned to meet Rachel's cold gaze. "Hi, I'm Bella. Not sure if you remember me from when we were kids," I said, my voice steady and held out my hand to her.

She didn't even acknowledge my hand. Her eyes narrowed at me. Boy she was tough. It was impressive as hell. She had guts.

I dropped my hand and returned her stare easily.

"You're the bitch that hurt my brother right?" she said coldly.

I assumed she wasn't referring to the crotch shot I gave him.

"Rach!" Paul hissed at her.

She ignored him and continued to stare at me, waiting for my answer.

I raised my eyebrows at her and nodded. I couldn't help but admire her protectiveness. The feminist in me was so fucking excited. "Yeah. The very one," I shrugged. "I really was a bitch."

She looked slightly taken aback by my response, but quickly shut it aside.

"Bella, don't listen to her," Paul said sternly.

I shook my head at him. "No. She has every right to protect her family. Let her speak," I said evenly and turned back to her.

She looked me up and down, a suspicious glint in her eye. "Do you not give a shit that you hurt him?"

"Of course I do," I said. "I'll always regret what I did. I was young and stupid. Naïve. Life kicked my ass. I've paid my dues. To be honest, I didn't expect to be a part of this. And I don't expect you to welcome me into the pack so easily. I don't blame you."

She huffed a breath.

I wasn't saying anything that wasn't true. I would never deny the pain I caused him. The pain I caused the pack.

"Are you gonna stick around this time?" she asked boldly.

Oh fuck.

"I'm…undecided," I said simply. Seemed like a safe answer even though I knew I most likely wasn't going to stick around.

She narrowed her eyes at me again. "Undecided?"

I nodded. "I have a job in California. I can't exactly abandon it right now," I chuckled uncomfortably.

She looked at me for a moment. "What do you do?" she asked, curiosity painting her voice.

"I work at a women's shelter. Social work," I said vaguely.

She raised her eyebrows at that. "Good for you," she said quietly.

I grinned at her. "Thank you. I love doing it," I shrugged.

She nodded and turned her face into Paul shoulder. He rubbed her belly again and hugged her closer.

He gave me a smile and turned his attention to Rachel.

Guess the worst of it was over?

I turned to find Leah while looking in my peripherals for the man I needed to see. He was no longer where he was sitting. As shitty as it was, I wasn't surprised. Why the fuck would he stick around?

I made my way to the food table were Leah had Seth in a headlock as she tried to pry the bag of crushed chips from his hands.

She quickly twisted him from his neck and shoved her foot onto his chest. She released him and he stumbled onto his back with a loud "Oof!"

I laughed as she triumphantly pulled open the abused bag. "Dumbass still can't fight," she smirked and shoved crumbs into her mouth.

"No fair," Seth panted as he lay on the sand. "I fucking had you until you started to choke me out."

She laughed. "Don't be such a baby. Maybe you need self-defense lessons from Bella," she smirked at me.

I rolled my eyes. "I really doubt I would help."

She got a wicked look in her eye and tossed the bag onto the table. She dusted off her hands and grabbed my arm. "Come on, show me what you got," she said as she chewed and pulled me along. She kicked Seth in the shoulder where he laid. "Get up, she's gonna teach you," she said.

Seth shoved himself up with a grunt.

"Hey, this is insulting! No offense Bella," Seth said as he followed after us.

I struggled to keep up as Leah dragged me away from the bonfire and closer to the shore. "None taken," I threw over my shoulder.

"Alright," Leah dropped my arm and turned me around to face Seth. "He's gonna attack you and you're gonna fight back," she said and patted my shoulders.

I eyed the gentle giant standing in front of me. We both had matching expressions of horror. "Uh fuck no I'm not," I said as I took in his tall ass frame.

"Yeah, no way," Seth said and started to back away.

"You scared?" Leah sneered to him.

He glared at her. "No. I just don't want to hurt her."

Leah snorted. "Bitch. She brought down the alpha. You won't hurt her."

"Oh fuck," he groaned and covered his crotch with his hands. "No way."

Leah laughed. "Look at your face. You're such a chicken. Come on. Put 'em up bro," she said and backed away from me.

"Take him down, Bella!" Paul shouted from his spot by the fire. The whole fucking pack had their eyes on us now.

"Kick his ass, Bella!" Embry screamed over at us.

"What the fuck, bro?" Seth yelled back at him, an offended expression on his face.

"You stole my chips, you dick!" he yelled back.

"Watch your fucking language, assholes!" Quil shouted from where he stood with Claire. The pack started laughing their asses off at his stupidity. Claire was going to have quite a mouth on her when she grew up.

I couldn't help but laugh. They were absolute nuts.

I shook out my hands. I was shaking like a leaf. I was scared, nervous as hell, and cold.

"You don't have to do this," Seth mumbled to me, a look of fear in his eyes.

I shrugged. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"You're gonna crush my jewels," he hissed.

I giggled at his choice of words. "Look, I'll try not to, okay? Don't hold back," I grinned at him wickedly and backed up a few more steps.

The pack hooted and cheered from their spots by the fire.

Fuck this was stupid as hell. He would crush me like a bug if I wasn't careful.

Seth swallowed hard and shook out his arms. "Alright, do your worst," he grumbled with uncertainty.

Then he fucking charged at me. Like full speed, dick to the wind, charging. I screeched and, without thinking, I shot my hand out and shoved the heel of my hand up into his nose with full force. The momentum from his sprint carried his face straight to my hand. I didn't hear the crunch I usually heard, but he stumbled back with a shocked expression on his face. His face was hard as hell. My hand was gonna be sore tomorrow, holy shit.

He sniffed and rubbed at his nose. "Holy shit. You didn't break it, but damn," he wiggled his nose and turned back to me.

I shook out the pain in my hand and watched him.

He narrowed his eyes at me and before I could react, he lunged with supernatural speed and launched his entire body weight at me. I squeaked as he gripped me around my waist and flung me over his shoulder like a fucking doll. It knocked the wind out of me as my forehead hit against his back.

I thought on pure adrenaline and punted my foot into his solar plexus and grabbed at the hem of his shorts and yanked up, giving him a huge ass wedgie.

He grunted and fell forward. "What the fuck, Bella," he choked out and pushed me down onto the sand.

His body covered mine and, as a reflex, I flung my leg into his groin. He groaned in pain and he went limp on top of me. I shoved at his shoulders and pushed him back into the sand. I quickly rolled him onto his stomach since he was too busy grabbing his crotch and climbed onto him. I pinned his head to the sand.

"Tap out," I panted.

He groaned and shoved himself up, tossing me back onto the sand. It knocked the wind out of me again and he hooked his arm around one of my legs and one around my neck bending me in half like I was made of licorice.

"Holy fuck," I grunted as I tried to squirm out of his death grip. I furiously felt around me for his face and stabbed my fingers into his eyeballs. Not enough to do damage but enough to get him to let go.

"Ah, shit!" he yelled and dropped me back onto the sand.

He was furiously rubbing at his eyes so I quickly scrambled up, jumped behind him, and shoved him to the ground. He fell forward from his knees with a grunt and I grabbed his arms and pinned them behind his back.

"Tap out, bitch!" I panted and wheezing into his ear as he face was digging into the sand.

He awkwardly flailed one hand and tapped it against his back.

Hell yeah.

I released his hold and quickly jumped off him.

He rolled onto his back with a groan. "My god, my eyes are burning," he grunted and winced. He had sand all over his hair and front.

The pack was going fucking insane. They were screaming and cheering for me. Paul hooted loudly over them and Leah was laughing her ass off from where she stood a few paces away.

"Holy shit," she gasped and grabbed at her stomach, fully engulfed in her giggles. "That was fucking hilarious. You looked like a squirrel you're so fucking small," she laughed and wiped at her eyes.

She walked over to yank a defeated Seth up from the sand and pulled him to stand next to me. She grabbed each of our wrists and pulled mine over my head. "Bella wins!" she shouted to the pack which caused them to cheer even louder.

I laughed at their jumping and shouting figures. Fuck they were awesome.

My stomach dropped when I saw the tall figure watching from just behind the rest of the pack. Jacob was watching. From where I was standing it was hard to tell, but I think he was smiling.

/

"Dude, that was insane. I didn't think she was gonna get out of that chokehold," Jared said through a mouthful of his burger.

Seth glared at him and ate his food with a frown on his face. He'll be fine. His body recovered quickly. However, his ego wouldn't recover for...a while.

We were all eating around the bonfire and for the first time I actually got to really know everyone in the pack. They were rowdy and fun. Full of life. A part of me felt bad that Phoenix was missing out on a kick ass family. I knew Leah had her reasons. Phoenix wouldn't want to be around Jacob and the pack. It was understandable. It still made me sick that he was such an asshole. She wouldn't ever be able to trust Jacob or the pack. That only made the situation so much harder for Leah. But, Phoenix would no doubt fit in to the pack. She was vibrant and wild. She would love them. And I hope maybe one day she could fully be a part of it.

They all engaged in the conversation. Animated talking, teasing, and laughing filled the sunset lit beach. They were just normal humans if only for a little bit. Everyone had something to say except one person.

He was sitting next to Paul and Rachel and keeping to himself. He would look at the person talking, but wouldn't say a word. He would just watch. He might lift his mouth in a tiny smile if someone said something funny. But even that was a stretch. He kept his face stoic and hard for the rest of the time. He was eating a shit ton though. That was something that hasn't changed. Actually, it probably got worse. He's on his fourth plate of food and not slowing down.

I felt Leah nudge me. I looked at her questioningly. She looked pointedly at Jacob and took a casual sip of her can of soda.

I shook my head subtly. She gave me a stern look.

Fuck.

I was not about to go up to him.

No way.

I gave her a look back as if to tell her 'what am I going to say?'

And she gave me another look back telling me to suck it up.

I scowled at her and stubbornly crunched on a chip.

She looked at me and subtly shook her can in front of her.

I gave her a confused look.

She pointed with her eyes and shook her can again.

He needed another drink.

My eyes widened. It was a perfect opportunity.

My heart broke into a sprint.

I peeked back over to him. His eyes were on me for only a split second before he cast his eyes down at the empty can in his hands. Holy shit.

I could feel my whole body tingle at what just happened. He was watching me.

I looked back at Leah and she was smirking at me. She nodded and turned her attention to Quil's story.

I swallowed thickly and handed her my plate of food. I shoved myself up from my spot as nonchalantly as I could. I made my way around the fire and headed towards the ice chest full of drinks.

I bent down to pull open the lid. I searched for the beer he was drinking. Of course it was way at the fucking bottom. I reached down to get it, but before my fingers even touched the ice, a hand shot out, dug into the ice, and yanked out the can. I jumped back in surprise. Jacob stared down at me with that stoic mask. He looked at me for a second then held out the can to me.

Was this really happening?

I stared at his face then back at the can.

I looked back up at him and shook my head.

He raised an eyebrow at me and pushed the can towards me.

I swallowed. "I-uh," I cleared my throat. "I don't drink," I said in a small voice. Yeah. That explains why I was reaching to the ice chest to get a beer.

He eyed me for another moment and nodded once and turned to head back to the bonfire.

Before I thought about it, I called after him. "Hey I'm sorry about the garage thing. I shouldn't have done that," I said.

He stopped walking and turned to look at me. He said nothing.

"A-and I'm sorry for leaving like I-"

"An apology does nothing for me," he said coldly. His rich, deep voice icy and sharp.

"I know. I just- I didn't mean for-"

He walked quickly back to me. His hard eyes pierced me. "Don't fucking do that," he bit out. "The only reason you're even here is because of the imprint. If it weren't for that you wouldn't have been saying this shit to me."

I returned his glare. "I know. I'm not denying that. I run from shit. It's a bad habit. But the imprint did happen so now what? You're gonna keep acting like I don't exist?"

He sniffed a laugh. "I did it for five years," he said lowly and swiftly turned to head back to the fire.