Content Notes: Past child abuse and neglect (discussed), past sexual abuse (discussed), minor canon character death.

A special thanks to my beta reader EmeraldSnakes who has spent the past two months listening to me chatter about my fic and Harry Potter, and who graciously has edited this fic.

This fic updates on Saturdays and is cross-posted on AO3.

"Good morning, Rachel," Torey said as Rachel sat down on the couch. "Did you have a good Christmas?"

Rachel nodded. This was the first time she'd seen Torey in two weeks, since Torey had been away just before the Christmas holiday.

"That's good. I did too," Torey said, smiling at her. "I was thinking maybe we could color today? Or do a jigsaw puzzle maybe? What do you think?"

Rachel shrugged and fidgeted on the couch. She felt she was too old of either of those things, and probably too old for the other games Torey played with her. Torey didn't seem to mind playing kids games though.

"How about we work on the fuzzy poster we've been coloring together?" Torey asked.

Rachel nodded because that was as good as anything else. She moved so that she was sitting cross-legged on the floor while Torey got out the poster and markers. The black parts of the poster were soft, like fabric, and there were white spots that you could color in. The poster was of a magician surrounded by magical items, like a crystal ball, some spell books, and a rabbit. The wand in his hand was giving off sparks.

While Torey was joining her on the floor, Rachel dug into her jeans pocket and pulled out the scrap of parchment that she'd written on this morning before leaving Hogwarts. She pushed it across the table and then picked up the purple marker to start filling in the wizard's robes. Although she kept her gaze mostly on the poster, she carefully watched and listened to see if Torey would have a reaction to the question she'd written down.

She couldn't ask anyone else this. She didn't think that Millie and Hermione would understand. Neville certainly wouldn't because he was a boy. And she couldn't ask Professor Snape.

Torey set the note back down on the table and picked up one of the markers. "Is that something you're worried is going to happen?" she asked, her voice calm and steady.

Rachel hunched up her shoulders in a shrug and focused on moving the purple marker back and forth.

"Is there someone specific that you think might want to have sex with you?" Torey asked, relaxed like she was asking about the weather.

Rachel shrugged and then nodded once.

"Do you think you could write down that person's name?" Torey asked.

Rachel quickly shook her head no.

"Is there something specific that this person has said or done and after that you thought they might want to have sex with you?" Torey asked, putting down one marker and then picking up another.

Rachel thought about that. When Severus had first had her alone in his office, she thought that was why he had asked her to go in there. But he had seemed upset and had magically done up her shirt. Then, when he asked her to stay in his quarters, she had thought that was when he wanted to have sex with her, but he hadn't even touched her in passing.

"Before you went to Hogwarts, were you concerned that someone might want to have sex with you?" Torey asked when Rachel didn't respond.

Rachel nodded and moved on to coloring the wizard's sleeve.

"Has anyone ever touched you in a way that made you uncomfortable?" Torey asked gently.

Rachel nodded again, taking a brief peek at Torey before refocusing on her coloring. Torey had looked as she usually did, like they could be talking about anything.

"Do you feel that the way they touched you was sexual?" Torey asked.

Rachel nodded. It was difficult to be more sexual than having sex, she figured.

"Do you know what consent is, Rachel?" Torey asked.

Rachel jolted slightly at the click of Torey putting down a marker. She nodded. Consent was when two people agreed with each other to do something.

"Good, then you know that consent means that you're voluntarily giving someone permission to do something, or to do something with them," Torey said. "When it comes to having sex, or doing anything sexual, it's important for both people involved to give consent. When one or the people doesn't consent, that's considered sexual assault or sexual abuse."

Rachel fidgeted with her marker and went back to the easier section on the main portion of the robes.

"Another thing to know about consent is that kids can't give consent. You have to be at least sixteen years old in order to legally give consent to have sex," Torey explained. "You didn't do anything wrong and it's not your fault that it happened to you. The person who touched you sexually was not supposed to do that and the blame lies with them."

Rachel was pretty sure that Torey wouldn't be saying that it wasn't her fault if she knew what had happened. There was just no way for Torey to understand. Rachel reached for one of the spare pieces of paper on the coffee table that she'd been told she could use and she wrote out 'But how do you know when they're going to have sex with you?' with her marker and pushed the sheet of paper across the table.

This time Torey frowned, just a little bit. "That depends, I suppose. Sometimes they will say sexual things, or make a point of touching you on your arms, or your legs, or your face. They might try to get you to sit on their lap. Sometimes people are assaulted without any warning from the person who is attacking them. Is anyone at your school making comments that worry you, or do they touch you in a way you don't want them to?"

Rachel shook her head. Professor Snape had been nice. Distant, but nice. She didn't know how to explain to Torey that men, when they got you alone, would have sex with you. It seemed like something Torey should already know because she was an adult.

"If you are concerned about something that someone is saying or doing, do you think you could let me or Professor Snape know?" Torey asked.

Rachel shrugged. It would kind of be awkward to flat out ask Professor Snape when he was going to have sex with her and Torey didn't seem to know the answer.

"It's important, because we both want you to be safe. If it's at all possible, we want to stop anyone who is hurting you or who might hurt you," Torey persisted.

Rachel nodded. That would be nice. She just didn't think it was really possible.

"Okay," Torey said, sounding slightly relieved. "I would like to let Professor Snape know that we had this conversation. Is that okay with you?"

Rachel thought about it and then nodded. It seemed like the most direct way to solve the problem.

"I'm glad you're okay with that. I know Professor Snape wants to help keep you safe too," Torey said.

Rachel wasn't entirely sure what keeping her safe meant in this context, but she was glad that Torey seemed happy with her.

Severus stood up as Torey's door opened.

"Severus, come in," she said, meeting his eyes briefly before stepping back into her office.

He went inside, automatically looking back as she closed the door behind him, and he took a seat on one of the chairs. He waited until Torey was sitting down next to her desk before he spoke. "You wished to speak with me?" he asked, thinking of the short letter she had sent by owl on Saturday night.

"Under most circumstances, with certain exceptions, I prefer not to detail sessions to parents or guardians. I find that disrupts building trust with the child. I did ask Rachel if she was okay with me speaking to you about what she and I had spoken about on Saturday, and she nodded, but I don't know that she was truly in a sound frame of mind to be making that decision," Torey explained, her expression uncommonly grim.

"Yet you contacted me regardless," Severus said. "You obviously felt there was something I needed to know."

"Yes, in order to keep Rachel safe, I think it's important we talk about this, and that you should have a conversation about it with her as well," Torey said. She picked up a file from her desk, took a scrap of parchment out of it, and leaned over to hand it to Severus. "Rachel handed me this at the start of our session."

Severus looked at the note. It was Rachel's handwriting written in green ink. 'How do you know when a man is going to have sex with you?'

"It seems to be worrying her a great deal. I asked if someone at Hogwarts was doing or saying anything that made her uncomfortable and she shook her head no. However she did nod when I asked if someone had touched her sexually in the past. I'm not sure if she's worried based on her past experiences or if there is someone at Hogwarts she is specifically concerned about, but the way she phrased the question concerns me," Torey said, taking the note back from Severus when he passed it to her.

"I think I can answer at least one of those questions," Severus said. He could feel the start of a tension headache at his temples. "I believe she is concerned about me. She seemed worried when I invited her to stay with me over the holiday, which I had recently come to believe was because while she stayed with her relatives she was kept in a cupboard. But, in retrospect, this makes more sense. The first time she was alone with me in my office she began to take off her clothing. I stopped her and told her that nothing like that would happen with me and that I wouldn't hurt her."

Torey paused, frowning as she took all of that in. "I have a few questions about that. She was kept in a cupboard? Is that something she wrote down to tell you?" she asked, picking up her notepad.

"No. Our Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore, went to Rachel's relatives to get their signature for relinquishing their rights as guardians. While there he performed legilimency on Rachel's aunt and found that they were keeping Rachel locked in a cupboard as a matter of due course," Severus explained.

Torey nodded as she took notes. "While I certainly have objections to his use of legilimency on muggles, that aside, did he say anything else about what he'd discovered?"

"No, though I can inquire if you think it's necessary," Severus said. He wasn't looking forward to that conversation with Albus.

"No, not at this time, at least," Torey said, putting down her notebook. "Do you feel fairly certain that Rachel's primary concerns involving sex are with you, or is there a possibility that an older student or another teacher may be making advances on her?"

"There's always a possibility, but based on her behavior I think her concern is about me," Severus said as he discreetly touched his temple. "I often find her watching me and appearing apprehensive. I had thought that was due to the way her relatives had treated her."

"It's probable that's at least part of the reason. I've noticed during Rachel's sessions that she's very aware of where I am and how distant I am from her. She watches my hands if I move them. None of that is uncommon in victims of abuse," Torey said. "It worries me that her immediate response to being alone with you for the first time was to undress. That suggests that she's been taught that men view her as a sexual object and that she should allow them to do whatever they want to her. That's something you'd see in a situation of long term sexual abuse where the victim has been isolated."

Severus nodded ever so slightly. He didn't quite know what to think, apart from his simmering rage at Rachel's relatives. "I would imagine that being silent for three years amounts to the necessary isolation. What would you advise me to do?"

"Sit down and have a conversation with Rachel. I've already talked to her about consent and about how children are too young to consent. Reinforce that message with her. Tell her that you're not going to do anything sexual to her and that it would be wrong for anyone to do something sexual with her because she's a child. Talk about how when something sexual is done to a child, that it's not the child's fault. She didn't do anything wrong. Encourage her to tell you or me if someone is saying anything sexual to her or if she's worried that someone will try to do something sexual with her," Torey explained.

"I understand," Severus said. He could see that the conversation was necessary to protect Rachel, and that this is what he'd signed up for when he'd asked to be her guardian, but this was completely outside of his comfort zone.

"This is something that's going to take time. She's not ready to discuss what's happened to her, she was barely able to look at me during our last session, but that's something we can approach when she's more comfortable with both of us. If you do find her bringing up things from her past, try to be neutral and just listen. Tell her that people should not have done those things to her, and that it wasn't her fault," Torey said, sitting back in her chair.

Severus nodded. He thought they were a long way off from Rachel talking about her past to either of them. "Thank you, for the advice. Anything else?"

"Feel free to contact me if you have concerns or questions. For children, therapy involves both the act of going to therapy and having that behavior reinforced by their parents," Torey said.

He bowed his head and stood up. "Thank you. If that's all?"

"That's all. Let me know if you need anything," Torey said.

Severus left and decided that he was going to go sit in the Hog's Head for a bit before he went back to Hogwarts. He needed some time to think and to prepare himself.

Monday had been a slow day and Rachel was longing for her friends to come back to school. She had spent the morning writing in her two-way book with Hermione, who had told her all about her Christmas and the books she'd gotten at Flourish and Blotts and how festively Diagon Alley had been decorated.

After lunch Professor Snape had left after saying that he had a meeting to attend. Rachel had bundled up and gone flying. While flying was still fun and she made good use of the Quidditch pitch, throwing the Quaffle through the goal hoops wasn't as entertaining when there was no one to fly with her.

She had taken a shower when she got back in and she tried out the comb that Daphne had sent her. It was pretty incredible to be able to comb through her hair easily and painlessly. She had tied her hair back and then went to sit on the couch with a book. She was trying to finish The Chronicles of Narnia before classes started again.

She was about halfway through Prince Caspian when Professor Snape came through the wall from his office. His face was red, like he had just been outside in the cold air. He hung up his cloak on the coat rack and came to sit down in his armchair.

"Was your afternoon alright?" he asked, looking directly at Rachel.

Rachel nodded and held up the book she was reading to show what she'd been doing. Professor Snape didn't need to know that she'd gone flying.

"Good," he said. "I'm going to order some tea. Would you like some?"

Rachel nodded again. Despite her shower and sitting by the fireplace she was still feeling a little chilled.

Professor Snape got up from his armchair and used the floo to call the kitchens. A moment after he sat back down a tea tray, with a teapot, two teacups, a creamer filled with milk, a small sugar bowl, and some chocolate biscuits appeared. "Come get a cup and some biscuits," he said, pouring tea in both cups.

Rachel slipped the scrap of parchment she'd been using as a bookmark into the book and went to collect her cup of tea, adding both milk and sugar. She put two biscuits on her saucer and went back to the couch.

"We need to talk," Professor Snape said, holding his teacup and saucer on his lap.

Rachel immediately felt panicked. What had she done wrong?

"I met with Torey today, and she told me that you have some concerns," Professor Snape continued, looking up from his teacup and focusing on Rachel. "I can understand that those concerns are because of things that have happened to you in the past."

There was a long silence and Rachel watched as he sipped his tea. She hadn't realized that Torey had talked to him so soon, or that he'd be so upset by the conversation. This wasn't his usual type of upset, like when someone made a mistake in his classroom, but she could see the pinched lines at the corners of his eyes and the way his jaw clenched when he put his teacup back on the saucer.

"I don't know how to tell you so that you'll believe me, but I am in no way sexually interested in you," he finally continued. "I will never touch you sexually. You are a child and no adults should engage with children sexually. It is wrong and it's against the law, both in muggle and in wizarding cultures."

Rachel blinked and looked down at her own tea. She wasn't entirely sure she believed him. She didn't think he was lying, but she also didn't know what he wanted from her if it wasn't sex or money. She didn't really have anything else.

"The way that your relatives treated you was abominable, but they are not normal," he said, his jaw tightening again.

Rachel blinked. Aunt Petunia would have been very upset to hear someone like Professor Snape call her not normal. In Aunt Petunia's world Professor Snape would have been the epitome of not normal.

"What was done to you isn't your fault, but I want to stop it from happening again," Professor Snape said, setting his half-full teacup back on the tray. "If anyone at Hogwarts is bothering you, or if they say something that makes you uncomfortable, or touch you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, I want you to write it down and give it to me or Torey. It's very important that you do that. Do you understand?"

Rachel nodded. She could see that he was being absolutely serious. She could guess that he was using 'uncomfortable' to mean that if someone talked to her about having sex or tried to touch her sexually.

Professor Snape sighed. "I just want to keep you safe. Do you understand?"

Rachel nodded again, feeling strangely nervous. Both Torey and Professor Snape were oddly intense about this topic.

"Drink your tea," he said, nodding to her untouched teacup. "And if you have questions or worries about anything, write them down so I know."

Rachel nodded and took a sip of her tea. It didn't take long for her to finish her tea and the biscuits, and since the conversation seemed to be over she took her book and went to go sit in her bedroom. She didn't think she'd ever understand Professor Snape, but maybe that was okay.

The week had passed by slowly. Rachel had gone flying a few more times, explored some of the castle, had finished The Chronicles of Narnia, which she quite liked but felt sorry for Susan, and done all of the homework assigned over winter break, although there hadn't been much to begin with. She'd also gone to the library a few times to look for Nicolas Flamel, but hadn't had any luck. She was starting to wonder if there was a spell that could make people disappear entirely, including any mention of them in books or records.

Rachel was sitting on her bed in Professor Snape's quarters and had her two-way book open to where she and Hermione had been writing additional pieces of information for their Transfiguration essays. She opened the chocolate frog that she'd taken out of the box earlier. She'd already eaten one that week and had gotten a Circe card.

She grabbed onto the frog to keep it from jumping away and pulled the card out of the package. She immediately dropped the frog, which leapt across her room.

Rachel put the card on her book, her mind buzzing with excitement, and managed to corner the frog by her wardrobe. She caught it and brushed it off, but it seemed clean. Despite being an enormous castle, Hogwarts stayed very clean. Aunt Petunia would have been impressed.

She returned to her bed, switched the frog to her left hand and began to copy the contents of the frog card into her two-way book.

Nicolas Flamel

Perhaps the greatest alchemist in wizarding history, Nicolas Flamel is the only known creator of the Philosopher's Stone. Using the Philosopher's Stone, he also created the Elixir of Life which allows the drinker to live indefinitely as long as they continue to drink the Elixir.

Her words were slightly blotted as she quickly copied the text on the card, but she figured they were still legible. Since her frog had stopped moving, she took a bite while she waited for Hermione to reply.

'You found Nicolas Flamel! Where?' Hermione wrote back about a minute later.

Rachel grinned, knowing that Hermione would expect her to have found Flamel in a library book. 'On a chocolate frog card,' she wrote, taking another satisfied bite of her frog.

Hermione took a few moments to respond. 'Of all places, a chocolate frog card! Well, I suppose it's better than not finding him at all. Let's meet in the library after class on Monday and go through what the library has on alchemy. I'm really looking forward to coming back to Hogwarts. I miss classes and our study group. And the library!'

'I miss classes and our study group too,' Rachel wrote out. 'I'll be glad when you're back.'

'I'll write to you tomorrow, my mom is calling for me. Goodnight,' Hermione wrote.

'Goodnight,' Rachel wrote back and she closed the book. She was very grateful Hermione had sent the book. It was nice to be able to talk with someone, especially since it was in writing and no one was watching her while she wrote.

She finished her chocolate frog and looked at the card again. Nicolas Flamel had appeared on the front. He looked incredibly old and frail, but his eyes were very alive as he looked out of his picture. Flamel raised his hand and waved at her.

Rachel blinked and then waved back, because it seemed polite. At some point she needed to figure out how wizarding pictures and portraits worked. They seemed alive, but they couldn't be, could they?

"Was it okay, having Professor Snape as your guardian over the holiday?" Millie asked.

Rachel nodded. It was Sunday evening, just after dinner, and the Hogwarts Express had arrived only two hours ago. They were sitting on Millie's bed, Rachel having shown Millie the chocolate frog card. Daphne and Pansy were putting away the things they'd brought back with them.

"What'd he get you for Christmas?" Millie asked.

Rachel hopped up, taking the chocolate frog card with her, and Millie followed her. Rachel pointed out her gloves and boots where she had put them in her wardrobe, and then pulled the covers on her bed back to reveal her stuffed bunny.

"Oh good, I was hoping he would get you something nice," Millie said. "Thanks for the Sugar Quills, by the way, but most especially for the book. My mom was immediately like, how nice is it for your friend to send you a book, but she didn't read the note saying what was inside. I'm going to Owl Order more Sugar Quills so I have a secret stash over the summer."

Rachel smiled. She was glad her present had worked out.

"I mostly got new clothes, but my aunt gave me the latest Horath Bogtrotter book. You're welcome to read them if you'd like, I brought the whole series back with me," Millie said as she picked up the chocolate frog card again. "Hermione's going to have a fit when she sees this. We're going to have to spend all tomorrow looking up alchemy."

Rachel nodded. It was starting to get late and she wanted to take a shower before she went to bed. She went to her wardrobe and got out her pajamas, a pair of clean socks and underwear, her toothbrush and toothpaste, and her new comb.

"I'm going to read up before classes. Want to bet we get a quiz in Transfiguration?" Millie asked as she went back to her own bed.

Rachel nodded again. That did sound like something Professor McGonagall would do.

She left the dorm room and went to the first through fourth year bathrooms and found that most of the shower stalls were empty. Each shower stall had a place to change, where towels were hung up, and then a curtain that blocked off the stone shower area. The water was hot as soon as it was turned on and the water pressure was wonderful.

Rachel showered, focusing primarily on washing her hair since it was the part of her that was always messy, and then dried off and changed into her pajamas.

She went out to where there were sinks and mirrors along the front wall and began to comb out her hair.

Daphne appeared with her toothbrush and went to the sink next to her. "How is the comb working out?"

Rachel nodded enthusiastically, hoping that Daphne understood that meant she was grateful for it.

Daphne smiled. "Do you know how to put a plait in your hair?"

Rachel shook her head. The only things she knew how to do with her hair were leaving it loose and pulling it back into a ponytail.

"My mother uses a charm for it, but she also taught me how to do it by hand. Here, turn around," Daphne said.

Rachel was a little uncertain, but turned around. Aunt Petunia had always pulled her hair hard when she had brushed it.

Daphne began to move Rachel's hair, but she was gentle. "I think you'll find that your hair will be more manageable if you plait it while it's wet instead of sleeping with it loose. If you like the plait I can teach you how to do it yourself, though it's a little harder to plait your own hair than it is to plait someone else's," she said.

Rachel wanted to nod to show that she understood but made sure she held still instead. It felt strange to have someone touching her hair.

"There, pass me your hair tie," Daphne said.

Rachel reached over to where she'd left her hair tie with her comb and held it out for Daphne to take.

"Look in the mirror, what do you think?" Daphne asked.

Rachel put on her glasses and looked in the mirror. It seemed odd not to have her hair puffed out around her. She put her hand behind her head and felt the plait. It seemed nice and tidy. She nodded to Daphne and smiled.

"Good," Daphne said, turning back to her own sink. "I'll show you how to do it later."

Rachel smiled and reached for her toothbrush. It was nice that Daphne and Pansy were kind to her, even though they weren't really friends.