massive trigger warning: suicidal thoughts for this chapter.

When Wally made his way to his first class on Monday, both the teacher and Abby looked a bit surprised. The teacher presumably heard about his current state and didn't even mention the fact that his hood was up. Abby was still in the dark.

"I didn't know you had another sweatshirt," she said slowly, almost as if she was afraid of speaking to him. And it was true; he'd swapped out his classic orange sweatshirt to a more fitting black one.

"I own many clothes," he responded monotonously. He had absolutely no energy. The nightmares ever since the funeral had left him sleepless.

Luckily for him, the bell rang. But after class, he wasn't so lucky.

"Wally, seriously, what's wrong?" Abby asked once they were outside the room. Her eyes were pleading with him.

"Nothing."

"Numbuh 362 came over and said that you were off duty again, but she wouldn't tell us why. And then you just skip school? Are you sick or something?"

"No." At least not physically.

"Wally, I thought we were friends. Why aren't you talking with us?"

He bit his tongue. Nothing like some classic manipulation to get him to feel bad. "Don't wanna," he replied simply.

"Why not? Don't you trust us?"

Did he? Were they trustworthy? Not enough to tell them his past, at least. But what if he just mentioned that he was friends with Jeremy? Plenty of other people knew that…

He realized he had stopped in the hallway without responding. Abby just stared at him. But what could he even say without offending her?

"I do. I just don't want to talk about it." He closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to gauge her reaction, and joined in the crowds of people in the hallway.

Luckily for him, he could escape lunch easily enough, and Kuki and Hoagie both ignored him in class. He felt a bit of guilt at that. They seemed scared of pushing his buttons any more. But Nigel was a whole different story, and he couldn't avoid him on the bus without walking all the way home. His lack of energy forced him to bite the bullet.

"Numbuh 4," Nigel said, glaring at him through his sunglasses. He'd sat in the front row to make sure Wally couldn't avoid him. Wally tried to walk right by, but Nigel grabbed his sweatshirt and pulled him into the seat.

"What?" Wally snapped.

"Don't you 'what' me!" Nigel chastised. "Are you aware that as your sector leader, you report to me?"

"Uh-huh." Technically, that was a lie. He never agreed to do that. He agreed to Sector XX's rules. Not whatever silly rules the rest of the Kids Next Door had.

"Then what is with all this avoiding?" Nigel leaned in as the bus started to move.

"I just don't want to talk to you right now." Wally was too tired to fight him.

When he was younger, he would play a game with himself: how quickly could he make people cry? Of course, he didn't often use his people-reading talents for that anymore. He wasn't that bad of a person on the outside. But he felt a strong urge to do it to Nigel. Just so he could get some peace and quiet.

"Why not? Is it because you're working for Father? Or the Delightful Children?"

"If I were working with them, why would Numbuh 362 vouch for me?" He tried to stare straight ahead to avoid any unnecessary facial expressions that could tip Nigel off. Nigel wasn't as trained as he was, but he could read people well enough.

"I don't know. Maybe she's a traitor too, and you're both sticking up for each other!" Nigel declared.

"The Supreme Leader is a traitor? That wouldn't make sense at all."

"You know exactly what happened to Numbuh 274. And she's turning 13 in a few months. She very well could be."

"She's not a traitor, and I'm not a traitor. I just don't want to do Kids Next Door stuff anymore."

"Why not? Because it's stupid? Because you're getting older? What is it?!"

Wally let out a deep sigh. "I just don't want to," he repeated.

"There must be a reason."

The bus stopped, and Wally nearly bolted out, but Nigel followed. It was nowhere near his stop.

"There is no reason."

"There must be, for Numbuh 362 to take you off."

He sighed again. "I keep telling you, I don't want to do it right now!"

"Why not?" Nigel narrowed his eyes and stepped closer. Wally was on his own porch, getting cornered. He fumbled in his pocket for the key, but Nigel was faster than he could react, and snatched it out of his hands.

He had to hand it to him. Beating a Sector XX operative was no joke.

"Give it back!" he demanded.

"Not until you give me a solid reason as to why you've been off."

Wally sighed. He racked his brain for any possible excuse. But he simply couldn't find one. "I was friends with Jeremy," he finally admitted, softly. "Can I have my key back now?"

Nigel stared at him over his sunglasses and blinked. "When were you-"

"Does it matter? Give it back."

Wally snatched it from out of his hand and unlocked the door. He had only just closed it when he heard Nigel say, "But what about the weeks before that?"

He returned to missions a few days later. He couldn't handle being alone any longer. He sat in the meeting room, spacing out. He pretended the cushions were swallowing him whole.

"...it was the weirdest thing!" Nigel continued. He was talking about a weird dream he'd had that he said was insane. Something about him being the president. Did someone want to tell him that he couldn't be president because of where he was born?

"Yeah, that's pretty crazy, man," Abby said. "Might want to lay off the soda before bed."

"Well, anyways, today's mission, we're going to be teaming up with Numbuh 20,000. There's a bridge in the mall we need to destroy."

Wally closed his eyes. He was so tired.

The mission was a success, and Wally was surprisingly thankful that he had something to keep himself busy. Even if he went to his room and crashed immediately afterwards.

He didn't wake up until he felt a hand shaking him awake. He slapped it away, harder than he meant to.

"Ow!" Damn, it was Kuki. "What was that for?" she said, eyes and voice filling with tears.

"Sorry, I wasn't awake," Wally said, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "What is it?"

"We have to talk about our plans for getting the cake from the Delightful Children," Kuki said. "But you can keep sleeping if you want. Numbuh 1 and Numbuh 362 said we should let you take it easy right now."

Nigel hadn't even bothered to question him any more. Rachel had told him to knock it off, apparently.

"Oh." He closed his eyes.

"We're going to do the mission tomorrow, but Numbuh 362 said you and Numbuh 5 should stay here."

"Why? We've never even gotten the cake back with all five of us. Why would she want two of us out?"

"Because it's a hard mission. She doesn't want you to mess it up."

"Then why is Numbuh 5 staying with me?"

"To keep you company, silly!" Kuki sang as she skipped out of the room. But he closed his eyes and fell asleep again.

He knew he had to be exhausted when it was light out when he woke up and Abby was sitting in a chair in his room.

"Morning, sleepyhead," she teased.

He groaned. "How long have I been asleep?"

"I don't know. Kuki said she woke you up at 8 last night and it's 10 in the morning now."

"Wow." That was impressive. He'd never slept so much in his life. Maybe being in the Kids Next Door was good for him after all.

"Look, Wally, I'm sorry we pressured you a bunch. Numbuh 1 told us that you were friends with-"

"I don't want to talk about it," he quickly interrupted.

"Okay, whatever you want." Abby didn't look quite convinced. "I don't know when the others will be back."

He got out of his wrestling-ring bed and got on his feet. "When did they leave?"

"Only a little while ago." She stood up as well. "I'll make you breakfast."

"I can do it myself," he protested.

"I know you can. But let us help you once in a while, will you?"

He frowned but followed her out to the kitchen area. He plopped on the couch in front of the TV. It was playing Rainbow Monkeys. Kuki must have left it on. It wasn't exactly what he wanted to drain his problems out with.

He picked up the remote and flipped through the channels. Nothing interesting was on. He left it on some crime show.

"One hot bowl of oatmeal," Abby said, giving him a bowl and a spoon.

"Thanks." His stomach turned, but he took a bite. He hadn't had an appetite in weeks.

Abby took a seat next to him. "Do you really watch this sort of stuff?"

"No, I just don't know what else to watch." He frowned as he twirled the spoon in the oatmeal.

He hadn't thought it through. They showed a watered-down version of a murder victim. He dropped the spoon straight on the floor.

Abby turned to him at the sound. "Wally are you okay?"

He closed his eyes. Don't flashback, don't flashback… "Yeah. I'm just really not hungry." He was already shaking as he turned off the TV.

"You need to eat. You look even thinner than usual."

If that was true, he hadn't noticed, but he believed it. She picked up the spoon and hurried to get him a new one. He felt frozen in time. He felt like he was living in a different world than everybody else.

"Here," Abby said, handing him the new spoon. He stared at it. He didn't know why. Something felt weird. "Are you okay, Wally?"

"I don't know," he muttered, still staring at the spoon. Was that really him in the reflection? Was he even real? What if he was hallucinating, like how he hallucinated Numbuh 74.239 and his friend?

Abby took the spoon out of his hand, but he kept staring straight ahead, barely noticing when she picked up the bowl from his lap. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"I don't know," he responded, his mind still reeling. Was Abby real? Was the Kids Next Door real? The Kids Next Door was ridiculous, after all. It would make sense as a hallucination. But then, what was real?

"I'm going to call Numbuh 362," Abby decided, placing the bowl on the table in front of him.

"No!" he protested, trying to wake himself up from whatever weird mood he was in. "I'm fine, I just…"

She waited for him to finish, but he never did. "We could go to my house," she suggested. "My mom's at work, but my dad's home."

Dr. Lincoln was a good guy. Wally nodded his agreement.

He still felt weird sitting on their couch. Abby handed him a video game controller. "Don't you want to play?" she asked.

"I don't know."

Abby sighed.

Dr. Lincoln walked in the room. "Hey, kids!" he greeted, but he stopped when he saw Wally. "Are you okay, Wally?"

"Yeah." Lying his way out of things was his specialty. He could do it even when he felt like he wasn't a real person.

"Are you sure?"

"His friend died last week," Abby informed him.

Dr. Lincoln's face fell. "I'm sorry, Wally, that's rough. But you're looking a little rough yourself."

Wally blinked. Was he supposed to feel insulted? He didn't feel anything. "Oh."

"Have you seen a therapist?"

"I went to the counselor's office at school one day." That felt like a false memory. Did he actually? Why was he doubting himself so much?

"I'm going to tell your parents to take you to one."

"I don't need one."

"I think you do." Dr. Lincoln took one arm and waved it in front of Wally's face. He didn't move a muscle. "I think you might be catatonic."

"What's that mean?" Abby asked.

"It's kind of when someone is awake but not responsive, or barely responsive." Dr. Lincoln sighed. "Abby, you said he has been weird for a few weeks?"

"Yeah."

He let the words flow over him. He barely even acknowledged their existence.

"Before his friend died?"

"Yeah."

"This is not good. He might need to be hospitalized."

Wally suddenly blinked. "What?"

"I'm worried about you. You look like you haven't slept for weeks, you look almost malnourished, and you're barely responsive. Wally, what's the date?"

He thought for a minute. "I don't know."

"I'm calling your parents."

"No!" he protested. "I'm fine, I just haven't looked at a calendar in a few days."

Dr. Lincoln sighed. "I'm still telling your parents. You might not be catatonic, but this isn't good."

Wally suddenly made eye contact with him for the first time that afternoon. "I don't need therapy."

"You do. Now, how about you and Abby play some Mario Kart? She's been practicing."

He knew he had to work harder to keep up the lies of his life.

His parents had decided that they couldn't afford therapy. That made sense. They were the poorest family out of all his friends.

He and Hoagie had started playing Cinderball again. Hoagie wasn't really an emotional person, so it felt almost safe to hang out with him. Safer than the rest of Sector V, at least.

Then his homework started disappearing. For three days, he wondered if he'd lost his mind even more. He was certain that he'd done it and made up the weirdest answers for every question, just to make Mrs. Thompson even more certain that he was the dumbest person ever.

"I swear, I did it," he said to Abby. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. He'd switched back to an orange sweatshirt. He hated the looks a black sweatshirt gave him. "You helped me with it too!"

He felt bad about making Abby help him with his homework when he was more than capable, but he couldn't figure out a way to keep up appearances without her. Plus, he'd missed a couple of days of school, not to mention the days he didn't pay attention at all.

But he had to make sure that he wasn't going crazy. He was still seeing Numbuh 74.239 and his friend watching him, and that certainly wasn't helping his insanity. So he put a tracker on his homework and waited.

When it started beeping in the middle of the night, he got out and traced it back to the scary mansion. Even though he was highly trained in dealing with scary situations, he didn't want to go in there. Until he saw Abby.

He wasn't normally one to go fight a bunch of monsters or villains on his own, but they were pretty easy to deal with. And he and Abby walked back to the Treehouse in the middle of the night.

"You really saved my butt out there," Abby said. "Thanks, Wally."

"No problem." He shoved his hands back in his pockets. At least he knew he wasn't that crazy.

"I just can't believe I let myself get in that situation." She shook her head. "I should've known better."

"Nah. It could've been any one of us." He frowned. Could he have escaped if Mrs. Thompson had pulled something similar on him? He wasn't sure. And who knows what kind of damage he could've done if he were turned into a weredog.

Abby shook her head again. "How'd you think to put a tracker on your homework, anyways?"

Wally shrugged. "Dunno. I just wanted to know where it went."

"You're smarter than you seem, Wally. Don't forget that."

He looked at the ground. Why did he feel so guilty for having his cover up? He bit his lip. He just wanted to tell her everything. Abby was too nice to him for him to just lie about everything. All of them were. Would they even care about him if they realized who he really was? They would be hurt, no doubt.

He felt so, so alone.

All seemed to return to almost normal. He buried his feelings more. Janet ignored him again. He was back doing missions. Of course, he was still being watched, but he tried to ignore them.

That is, until news of the Splinter Cell came his way.

With Hoagie gone to live with the Amish and the rest of Sector V working on security measures for the Treehouse, he decided to do some digging. Nothing came up.

He banged his head onto the computer. What was he missing?

The door swung open. He ducked under the desk. It was dark enough that he didn't think he would be noticeable unless someone really looked. It was just Nigel, after all. Nigel wouldn't do some massive digging, especially since he logged out of everything beforehand.

"Incoming transmission," the computer suddenly blared.

"Accept transmission. Numbuh 362, sir!" Nigel saluted the camera.

"Numbuh 1, the Splinter Cell ended up being a group of nerds wanting to watch a nerd TV show. You really have nothing to worry about."

"What? But, we saw-"

"I know! I'm trying to get it all under control. But you should pick up Numbuh 2 now before he goes crazy with the Amish. I hear they can be a little controlling."

That didn't sound right. Wally frowned. A cover-up.

"I will go pick him up, then." Nigel left the room without ending the transmission.

This felt a little too good to be true. Wally poked his head up. "That's a lie," he said.

Rachel jumped. "Numbuh 4! What were you doing-"

"Trying to figure out what a Splinter Cell could possibly be doing." He stared right into the camera. "You really just lied to him?"

She sighed. "I had no choice. I need more information, and you know how he gets."

He nodded. "Hey, do you want to hang out sometime?"

"What?" She looked completely incredulous. "You want to hang out?"

"What? Aren't we friends?" He smirked into the camera.

"I'll have to think about that. You should go before Numbuh 1 calls you back. End transmission."

The screen went blank. He rolled his eyes. What a ridiculous life he led.

All seemed to be normal and quiet for a couple of weeks. Lizzie had broken up with Nigel, and he still couldn't figure out what she wanted from the Kids Next Door, but he figured that whatever it was, she had it already, and there was no point in him trying to figure it out.

Then there was a strange time when a caramel had taken away his most valued trait, which was, apparently, his courage. He rolled his eyes afterwards. He didn't know what he liked most about himself. He was a pretty despicable person, after all.

When it came time for the kid and teen treaty, he was already skeptical the second it was announced. He hadn't even heard of it before the day came. How could something so massive get under his radar?

But then he learned who the mysterious person with Numbuh 74.239 was: Numbuh Infinity.

And that Numbuh Infinity was working with Chad.

And he assumed that the "Splinter Cell" was a codeword that meant the Galactic Kids Next Door. But he needed more proof.

That proof came with Nigel leaving.

The Treehouse was quiet for a few days. They were all mourning the loss of their friend. He might as well be dead, after all. At least Wally didn't have to deal with yet another death.

Wally had tried to convince him not to go as hard as he could without blowing a cover. But it didn't work. Nigel was gone to space, presumably forever.

How could he not figure out what the Splinter Cell was? Or that Chad was working with them? He had known Chad for years!

Sector V went up to the Moonbase for a debriefing. They didn't tell Rachel where Nigel was, but she agreed that Abby would be good for a new sector leader.

But she needed more proof, and wanted to interview them all separately.

When it became Wally's turn, he looked around. From what he could assume, Numbuhs 74.239 and Infinity were both some sort of aliens. They had vanished, along with Nigel.

"What do you know?" Rachel demanded.

"Wanna hang out sometime?" he responded with a smirk.

"Wally, just tell me what you know." She shook her head.

"That's what I'm saying." He stared her directly in the eye.

"What are you implying? That my office is bugged?"

"You never know."

She sighed. "Okay, fine. Park, tomorrow at five?"

"Works for me."

"So. What do you know?" Rachel stared at him. She wasn't particularly happy about sitting under a tree in the rain.

"Too much." He looked around. The coast was clear. He'd gotten away from their training just in time to make it. "The Splinter Cell is the Galactic Kids Next Door," he blurted.

"Galactic? You mean, like…"

"The Kids Next Door extends to other planets. Numbuhs 74.239 and Infinity were a part of it. And they select one operative per planet to join them, and they chose Numbuh 1."

"Were they watching Numbuh 1? Is that why you were saying-"

"Yes! Shut up, I'm not done yet. Nigel's girlfriend Lizzie was a part of it for some reason. She's disappeared now, too. And, Chad is a part of it too. And I can't figure out why."

"Chad's still around. We've been tracking him."

"I know! Which is why this makes no sense at all!" Wally sat back and sighed. "I don't know if we should even bother dealing with them."

"Of course we should! They should let us know that they exist! And why would they take the cover of a Splinter Cell? Why would they let the secret get out?"

"They got it let out enough that Hoagie knew, but he didn't tell the rest of us." He shook his head. "I don't know, maybe aliens are just stupid? Who knows! But, Numbuh 74.239 interviewed me before this. He told me that they wanted me, but knew I wouldn't follow me blindly. They wanted a blind slave."

"You didn't tell me about that."

"Because they're watching our every move, and I'm sure they have your office bugged."

Rachel sighed. "This is a lot to take in."

"I know."

"What is their endgame? Why do they need an Earth operative so bad?"

He shook his head. "Beats me."

She sighed. "Thanks for the information, Wally. I don't think there's anything I can do about it now."

"I don't think so either."

"By the way, do you think Numbuh 5 is a good leader?"

"Yeah. Our sector will do fine."

She nodded. "Good. See you later, Wally."

"See you."

He felt so alone again.

The rest of Sector V were still grieving. There were no new missions. With no way of tracking down the Galactic Kids Next Door, he had given up on that as well. Chad was some sort of traitor. He trusted Chad; he really did. He knew he was some sort of double agent, but he didn't expect that.

And he definitely did not trust the Galactic Kids Next Door.

The nightmares got more and more intense. He stopped sleeping for days at a time. He would only fall asleep when his body shut itself down.

He stopped eating, except for family dinners.

What was his purpose in life? To be some sort of militia. But that was over. There was nothing he could do with his training anymore. He'd always felt like that, but now it was even more potent. Janet would be decommissioned in only a couple of months, and then he would be the last active member of Sector XX in the Kids Next Door. Forever.

He'd had multiple panic attacks over it. Why was he cursed this way? He made one bad plan three years prior, and he would forever pay the price for it. He knew Garsan would be capable of it; why didn't he take that into account? Why, why, why?

It kept replaying in his head, all day every day. Along with Nigel and Jeremy. Could he have stopped Jeremy? Could he have given Numbuh 74.239 a terrible review of Nigel and gotten him out of working with the Galactic Kids Next Door?

Jeremy had taken the easy way out. Wally wanted that too.

A nearly full bottle of Tylenol should do the trick, he thought. He was home alone, something that his parents didn't trust him with often. It was the perfect time.

He got the biggest glass of water he could and brought it to his room. He propped a chair under the doorknob. Nobody would disrupt him. He was sure of it.

He poured a handful of the pills into his hand. He was shaking. Why was he shaking? He shouldn't be scared. He was taking the coward's way out. But he gulped them down with a few heavy sips, and continued until the bottle was empty.

He stared at the two empty items in front of him. Did he just do that? He didn't even know. But he burst into tears. He deserved this, didn't he? It wasn't like most people would care. He saw the nonchalant attitude almost everyone had about Jeremy. Even the other members of Sector XX didn't seem to care.

Janet was tough. She could handle it. She could hang out with Arabella, or Benny, or whoever once she turned thirteen.

And he was a nuisance to pretty much everybody else. Nobody really liked him. Nobody even knew him. Nobody would care.

He rubbed his eyes. Flashes of the memories of Lyla's death came back to him. Flashes that never went away. They were getting so bad. He couldn't take it. He just couldn't do it.

So he gave up.

He collapsed in his bed, and his tortured brain allowed him to fall asleep easily, for the last time.