Chapter 11: The Punchline (Part 1)
VEGETA: (laughs maniacally) He's gone! He's finally gone! I'm so happy right now! I might not even slaughter you all!
"Really!?" Wendy asked, full of hope.
KRILLIN: Re-Really?
VEGETA: (laughter dies down) Oh no, you're all thoroughly screwed.
KRILLIN: Awww.
Wendy hides her head in embarrassment of falling for the false hope.
"It was too good to be true," Romeo said.
GOKU: Gohan, Krillin, I'll handle Vegeta on my own. I need the both of you to get as far away as- (Krillin is suddenly gone) Where'd Krillin go?
(scene cuts to Krillin screaming flying away and then back to the battlefield where Goku places his hand on Gohan)
"Krillin running away wasn't unexpected," Gray said.
GOKU: Gohan, follow Krillin. Get home to your mother.
GOHAN: Right, Daddy. Is there anything you want me to tell her?
"Some words of love and reassurance," Erza said, as she nods her head.
GOKU: Yes, Gohan. Tell her... ("Coming Undone" by Korn plays as the camera slightly zooms in on Goku's face) to put dinner on... ("Coming Undone" plays again with the camera zooming in on Goku's face) because I'm hungry. (plays a third time with the camera once again zooming in on Goku's face)
Erza's face falters for a second before regaining her composer.
[OPENING SEQUENCE]
(scene cuts to Goku flying down on the battlefield)
VEGETA: Alright, are you ready for this?
GOKU: You bet I am! But first, why don't we take this battle somewhere else?
VEGETA: What's wrong with here?
GOKU: I don't know. Something about it doesn't feel right.
VEGETA: Well, it is a little corpsy. (looks at the corpses of Yamcha, Tien, and Piccolo)
"Nappa," Natsu growls out with suppressed anger.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, on King Kai's planet.
KING KA"I: (in his thoughts) So, the fight is about to begin. The showdown between the Saiyan elite and the low-class warrior, trained by me.
King Kai's words gets the audience excited for the battle.
"C'mon let's start it up already!" Natsu shouts.
KING KAI:Takin' all bets, guys! Takin' all bets!
"Should we do bets?" Mira asked everyone.
"Aren't we all voting for Goku?" Lisanna asked her sister.
"All money on Vegeta," Gajeel and Gray announced without hesitation. Levy, Lily, and Juvia turned to them surprised.
"Goku reminds me of Salamander/Natsu, so I don't want him to win," Both explained.
"WHAT WAS THAT METAL MOUTH AND ICE STRIPPER!?" Natsu shouted, being held back by a struggling Lucy.
Mira claps her hands loudly drawing everyone's attention.
"We're gonna place bets(100,000 Jewels) and the winner takes all," Mira says happily.
Gajeel, Lily, Levy, Gray, Juvia, and Cana placed bets on Vegeta.
Everyone else placed bets on Goku.
BUBBLES: (subtitled) 70,000 zeni on the noble young warrior!
BOJACK: (from inside King Kai's planet) Yargh! I bet 50 gold doubloons on the short one!
GREGORY: Uh, sir, is this really appropriate? If Goku loses, the entire Earth could be destroyed!
"He's not wrong," Lucy said.
"But, bets will give me more booze," Cana said.
(King Kai creates a large hammer)
KING KAI: You were saying?
GREGORY: D'ah, 1,000 zeni on Goku.
NARRATOR: Hey, can I get in on this?
KING KAI: Wait a second. Don't you already know the outcome of the fight?
NARRATOR: N-Noooo...
"Shouldn't the narrator know?" Happy asked.
"He's lying Happy," Lucy tells him.
"Oh."
(scene cuts back to Earth where Goku guides Vegeta to a wasteland to start their battle)
GOKU: This is it!
VEGETA: Ah, yes. A perfect place to mark your grave.
GOKU: Listen, we don't have to do this, you know. If you leave now and promise to never come back, I'll let you go. And we can stop this meaningless bloodshed.
"Goku's talking sense for the first time since we've met him," Gray says in mild surprise.
"It happens once in a while," Lucy said.
VEGETA: Such trite! Where's your Saiyan pride, Kakarot? We are proud warriors! Bred to fight and conquer. This planet has made you soft.
"And it would be too boring," Gajeel added.
GOKU: Are you sure about this? Because even if you're a little sorry-
VEGETA: No! I'm not sorry!
GOKU: Are you absolutely sure you-
"Don't keep asking him," Carla said.
VEGETA: Yes! I am entirely sure! (Goku begins powering up) I'm going to obliterate you and the rest of this planet myself with my own two-
GOKU: KAIO-KEN! (charges at Vegeta)
VEGETA: Kaio-what-
"So, that's the Kaioken!?" Levy shouts out, and begins to write it in her notepad.
(Goku punches Vegeta in the face and proceeds to attack him with a barrage of punches before knocking him away. Vegeta however recovers from the attack and kicks Goku in the face)
"THE KETCHUP IS AWESOME!" Natsu and Happy scream out.
"IT'S KAIOKEN!" Lucy screams back at the two.
VEGETA: (breathes heavily) Okay, not bad. But still nothing compared to me. Now witness the power of a Saiyan elite!
GOKU: Elite? What's that mean?
"I need to stop being surprised at this point," Gray sighs.
VEGETA: It means I'm of the upper class. A finer breed! The highest grade of warrior!
(Goku floats there silently, blinking confusedly)
VEGETA: (sighs) Okay, consider yourself beef jerky while I'm filet mignon.
GOKU: Oooh, I like both those things!
VEGETA: (after a short pause) I'm going to start beating you now. I don't know when I'll stop.
"I'm getting a strange sense of Deja Vu from these two," Lucy says quietly to herself. The Celestial mage looks at Natsu then turns to look at Gajeel.
"What?" The two Dragon Slayers ask.
"Nothing."
GOKU: Hopefully before dinner, because I told Gohan to tell Chi-Chi to-
"He's more concerned about dinner than the guy trying to kill him," Romeo says.
"At least he's confident," Carla said.
(Vegeta headbutts Goku) AH! (Vegeta elbows Goku towards the ground) Unh!
VEGETA: Hah! What's wrong, Kakarot? Can't keep up? (throws a fiery ki blast at Goku) I told you, Kakarot. There's no way you can measure up to an elite like me! You're fighting a losing battle here. (Goku removes the torn portion of his shirt) You may as well just surrender this pathetic planet now and-
"He's ranting a bit much here," Levy says.
GOKU: Kaio-Ken times three! (once again turns Kaio-Ken and flies at Vegeta)
"So there's levels to it?" Juvia asks.
VEGETA: Times wha-
(Goku punches Vegeta in the face, sending him screaming and flying into a plateau)
"And each level increases his strength and speed," Levy notes.
"Seems overpowered," Lily told her.
"I'm sure there's a drawback, everything has a drawback," Levy tells him.
VEGETA: (in pain) This... proves... nothing.
"Proves you just ate shit," Gajeel laughs.
GOKU: Are you okay in there?
VEGETA: (sarcastically) Yeah, I'm fan-f**king-tastic... nothing but gumdrops and ice-cream in here.
"Really!?" Wendy and Asaka shout with excitement.
GOKU: (delighted) Oh, really? Can I come in too?
VEGETA: (short pause) I'm surrounded by idiots.
"The story of my life," Gajeel said.
GOKU: I thought you were surrounded by gumdrops and ice-cream.
(Vegeta screams with rage as he destroys the plateau around him)
"At this point, I'm surprised he doesn't have another aneurysm," Lucy said.
VEGETA: I will not stand for this! I will not be humiliated by a low-class wretch!
GOKU: Aww, sounds like somebody's got an ice-cream headache!
"He has to be doing this on purpose," Romeo says in astonishment.
VEGETA: THAT'S IT! EVERYONE DIES! (launches himself into the air with a purple aura surrounding him and begins charging up energy) Say goodbye to your planet, Kakarot!
"He's not that insane right?" Macao asked in worry.
"Even if it means dying in space, he just wants to watch everyone die," Erza says.
"Let's just hope Goku can stop it," Mira hopes.
GOKU: Well, that's not very nice.
"No shit," Gajeel says.
VEGETA: OF COURSE NOT! I'M F**KING EVIL! GALICK GUN!
GOKU: Oooh, did he say Garlic-
VEGETA: (in distance) AAARRRGH!
GOKU: (powers up to Kaio-Ken x3) Oh man! (cups his hands behind his back for a Kamehameha wave) KA... ME... HA... ME…
VEGETA: FIRE!
GOKU: HA!
(both energy waves clash in mid-air)
"HOLY SHIT!"
"THAT'S SO FREAKING COOL!" Natsu and Romeo screamed at once.
"The power the two of them hold is magnificent," Erza says in awe.
VEGETA: This is the end, Kakarot! You don't stand a chance! I put all my power into this attack! (Goku is seen struggling in the clash) Now perish, with the rest of your pathetic world!
"He's losing," Gray says in worry.
"C'mon Goku push through it!" Natsu says as he tightens his fists.
GOKU: Hungh... Kaio-Ken...
VEGETA: (stunned pause) No…
"Yes…"
GOKU: Times...
VEGETA: (as if trying to deter Goku) No, no, no…
"Yes, yes, yes…"
GOKU: FOUR! (Kamehameha overpowers Galick Gun)
VEGETA: Nononononononono- (gets carried away by the blast) FUUUUUUUUUUU…
"YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSS!" The entire guild cheered watching Vegeta get blown away.
"HE WON!" Happy screamed and flew into Natsu.
"I guess we lost the bet?" Gray mumbled though he was smiling.
"We may have lost the bet, but you've still won my heart Gary," Juvia swoons.
"It's not over yet," Gajeel tells everyone.
"What do you mean metal head?" Natsu asked annoyed.
"Keep watching."
(scene shifts to Kame House)
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back at the ranch.
(camera cuts in inside Kame House with Bulma, Chi-Chi, Ox-King, Master Roshi, Oolong, and Turtle)
BULMA: Remember when we used to do stuff? You know, be out there with them? And help?
"They used to help?" Carla asked.
(They all agree. Fortuneteller Baba is seen working her crystal ball.)
OOLONG: And remember the Red Ribbon Army?
"Strange name for an army," Lucy says.
(They all remember)
MASTER ROSHI: And what about King Piccolo?
"Piccolo was a king?" Wendy questions.
"His dad," Levy tells her.
(They all remember, with Bulma saying "Good times. Good times.")
BULMA: Whatever happened to Launch?
"Who?" Everyone asked all at once.
(silence)
MASTER ROSHI: Who?
(scene cuts to a bar with a hungover Launch and a bartender with "The Singing Sea" from "Cowboy Bebop" playing)
LAUNCH: (sighs)
Everyone turned to Cana.
"What?" She asked, confused.
"Nothing."
(scene cuts to the sky)
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, back at the plot...
VEGETA: (still getting carried off by Goku's Kamehameha) ...UUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
"HE'S STILL ALIVE!?"
"Told ya!" Gajeel responds with a cocky grin.
VEGETA: (moves away from the blast and starts breathing heavily) Son of a bitch! This can't be happening! I'm the prince! I'm supposed to be the best by default! (continues to breathe heavily before smirking) I'll show that little bastard! I'll become the mighty Ōzaru and crush him into the- (tires to look for the moon) Where's the moon? (in distance) WHERE'S THE DAMN MOON?!
"Piccolo blew it up," Natsu answered.
"Which will still cause environmental issues!" Levy brought up again though nobody cared to listen.
(cuts to a flashback of Piccolo staring at the moon)
PICCOLO: MOOOOOOOOOON! (fires a ki blast that destroys the moon)
Anyone not concerned about the environment issues laughed or smirked at the scene.
(cuts back to the present where Vegeta lands in front of Goku.)
GOKU: Huh?
VEGETA: Very clever, Kakarot! I'd taken you for a fool but it seems you're far more cunning than you let on! But destroying the moon won't stop me! We've learned to create artificial moons that supply the necessary pl-
"They can create what?" Levy regains focus and starts writing it down.
GOKU: Question.
VEGETA: What?
GOKU: Are they made of cheese?
VEGETA: (short pause) I'm going to enjoy this far more than I should.
"I still don't blame him," Gajeel says.
(Vegeta creates an artificial moon and shoots it into the sky)
VEGETA: Now watch, Kakarot, as your life becomes inconsequential, (camera slowly pans up Vegeta's body) as I reveal my giant monkey…
(camera stops in front of Vegeta's crotch; scene cuts to a group of viewers gasping in fear over seeing Vegeta's crotch at a jumbotron)
"Gross," The female members said.
VEGETA: ...form.
(camera moves quickly up to Vegeta's face; crowd watching the jumbotron sigh in relief)
PENIS GUY: Thank God, I thought he meant penis!
"Why would he mean that?!" Carla shouted in frustration.
(Vegeta begins transforming into an Ōzaru)
"His clothes grew too," Natsu said.
"Why are you focused on that part?" Lucy asks him
Natsu shrugged.
GOKU: (thinking) He's getting huge. That means he'll only be stronger. That means he won't be as fast- (Ōzaru Vegeta punches a plateau Goku is standing on)
"That is one fast monkey!" Romeo straightened up in alarm.
Levy jolts more things down.
Oh, God, he's still as fast! (dodges a punch and lands on the ground) He's too powerful! I have to come up with a plan! Wait, I know! (out loud) I just have to think like a monkey! (closes his eyes) Hmm... (hears screeching noises) Hey, it's working!
"Is that technically racist?" Lucy asked.
"He's a saiyan, so I guess not," Levy answered.
KING KAI: (telepathically) No, that's just Bubbles. Get off my back, Bubbles!
(a loud thud is heard off screen with Bubbles groaning in pain)
KING KAI: Goku, listen, the only way that you can beat him is if you use the Spirit Bomb!
GOKU: (raises both hands into the sky) On it!
"We get to see the other move now!" Natsu cheered.
KING KAI: And whatever you do, make sure you're very well hidden! It's going to take a lot of time to gather up all that energy!
"What's with these techniques that take a long time to charge!?" Erza asked incredulously.
GOKU: (gets hit by Ōzaru Vegeta) Aaaaaaggggghhhh!
(crystal ball goes static)
PHONE OPERATOR: We're sorry. The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected. Please hang up and try again later.
KING KAI: Huh.
"That's...not good at all," Wendy said nervously.
Everyone agreed with her.