Chapter 12.
They got dinner in the hotel's restaurant, Hotch redressed in his suit shirt and slacks, Emily in the jumper and leggings combo she had worn on the drive down. She looked at him as they stood in the elevator.
"We reek of sex" She said, embarrassed. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her body into his
"I know, we smell almost as good as you taste" he whispered in her ear, and that made her laugh.
She pushed away the affection that was creeping up on her as he kissed her forehead.
"it's just casual" she told herself forcibly and they sat down to dinner.
Talking about nothing while they ordered drinks and food, Emily found it easy to make conversation with him about non-work topics
"So, do you think we got away with it this time?" Hotch asked suddenly, gazing up from his plate.
Emily laughed.
"We work with profilers so I'm going to say probably not" she toyed with her food, scraping her fork around the plate and refusing to meet his gaze "Does that bother you?"
"Not at all – I don't consider it their business" He said, looking at her until she raised her eyes to meet him. "Does it bother you?"
"You know, I thought it would – but after last time, the girls picked it up at brunch by the way – they were happy to drop it when I asked"
"Really? Because I figured you had told them some wild stories considering Garcia couldn't look me in the eye" He smirked as Emily blushed.
"No, I basically just confirmed it happened and then JJ convinced Pen to drop it, under duress."
Bless her, Hotch thought and finished his dinner with a yawn.
"I'm ready for bed – workout this morning and this afternoon has me very tired" He said.
Emily nodded, she was tired too – her muscles were aching in the sweetest way and she knew she would sleep heavily tonight.
They got back in the elevator and travelled in silence up to their floor. They walked back to their hotel rooms and Emily stilled at her door.
"Where are you going?" He said, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"To bed…" She said confused, looking at him.
"We trashed yours, sleep in mine" He said, looking at her "you know if you want" suddenly he seems unsure, and Emily wondered if he thought he'd crossed a line. As though asking her to sleep next to him was somehow offensive.
"Good plan" She slipped her arm around his waist and walked to his room.
His room was obsessive in its neatness. His toiletries were organised in a tidy row on the tiny bathroom vanity, his shoes lined up against the door.
"Stop profiling the room Emily" He said, wrapping his arms around her from behind.
"Can't help it, it's not like you weren't profiling mine earlier" She said, smiling. He buried his face in her neck and grinned, her hair smelt so good. He flicked on the TV and flicked through channels until he found an old movie that had just started. Aaron got changed into a shirt and boxers, folding back the covers of the bed in neat corners
"You a military man Aaron?" She asked teasingly.
"I spent some time learning some military training. Sharpshooting, actually" He answered, climbing into bed and gesturing for her to join him. She climbed in bed awkwardly and settled next to him.
He pulled the covers up over both of them and pulled her into his body. Settling down into the pillows he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead.
"We know nothing about you do we," She said, looking at him "Sharpshooting? Really?"
"What do you want to know?'' He said rubbing his hands up and down her arms under the covers.
"How old were you when you lost your virginity?" She asked the first question that sprang to her mind.
"Seventeen, Hayley in high school" He answered. "You?"
"Fifteen, his name was John" She answered. Turning slightly to face him "Hotch, how many people have you been with?"
"Are you guessing the number is two Prentiss?" he replied grinning down at her as she shrugged, embarrassed. "it's not. Hayley and I sort of did the breakup but stay together thing in college and I got the chance to sow my oats"
"Like taking drugs" she said, smiling at the memory.
"Yes, like taking drugs" He laughed "But when I graduated, we got married, I started practising law and my career started moving fast" His voice took on a distant quality.
"What… what happened?" She asked in a small voice, curious but nervous he would shut down and refuse to answer.
"I… I still don't really know if I'm honest. I put so much into my career that I only had a little bit left over for her. And for a long time that was enough." He stared at the TV, not seeing it "Then Adrian Bale happened, and Gideon went on leave – I was given a huge amount of responsibility very quickly, Hayley found out we were pregnant soon after, which was another amount of responsibility, and fear."
Emily was staring at him, studying the stubble of his jaw.
"Gideon came back but the work responsibilities didn't go away. Then we had Jack and I shifted the little focus I had onto him completely. And I still didn't feel I was doing enough like I wasn't a good enough father, or husband, I just kept trying to keep the plates spinning"
"You're a good father" Emily whispered, instinctive. She knew it – she saw the way his face changed when he talked about Jack, the way his voice rose like a delicate soap bubble, filled with pride.
His mouth twitched a small smile.
"And then Frank killed Sarah and Gideon unravelled. He left, I was suspended and my career was done for. I was going to be transferred to white-collar and Hayley was so relieved, she was so happy even though I was suffering." He took a deep breath. "I decided I needed to take the case, and then for that, I determined we needed you. So I came to your place to get you."
"I remember – you know I thought you were coming to ream me out for ruining your career," She said "I assumed you were going to kick the door in if I didn't open it"
"We did not get along" He said, and he squeezed her body lightly, a comforting hug. "My fault, not yours"
"You thought I was a spy" She mused "you can't imagine the revulsion that washed over me when Strauss asked me to be one"
"I'm sorry" He said.
"Don't be – I understand why you did." She kissed him lightly on the jaw, her lips feeling the stubble beneath his skin.
"Anyway, we got home from that case and she was gone." He sighed. "I made my choice. I think in her mind I left her, she was just the one that moved out."
"Are you happy?" She asked.
"Right this second very much so" He said, meeting her eyes for the first time. She smiled, her face reddening
"I miss Jack." He said "But it's a relief to only have to be a father, as opposed to a husband and father, and Hayley is good about me spending as much time with Jack as I possibly can when I can" He felt exposed, he rarely talked about his personal life to anybody and the fact that he had just opened up willingly with just one question made him feel vulnerable.
"This makes me happy" He said, wanting to change the subject "Despite me not trusting women as much as men"
"Oh shut it – you changed for the better after that. You're welcome" She smiled. "Did you have any other names for Jack?" Her voice was soft and he knew she was changing the subject for him.
"Sergio was my personal favourite," Hotch said with a grin, and Emily started laughing.
"I love it. I'm stealing it" She curling up in hysterics. Hotch laughed too – her smile was infectious.
As her laughter died down Hotch switched off the light in the room, the black and white of the tv flickering shadows across her face. He snuggled them down under the covers of the bed and he hugged her from behind, curling his body around hers. They lay in silence for a moment.
"I'm happy too" Emily whispered and settled her head on her his arm. Aaron kissed the top of her head, smiling into her hair. He felt a warmth spread through his chest as she wriggled into him and closed her eyes.
Emily's breathing slowed and she fell asleep, curled on her side and Hotch watched her. 'It's just casual' He told himself, brushing a strand of her hair away that was tickling her nose. He settled himself under the covers and sighed 'you're kidding yourself' said a small voice in the back of his brain, unbidden. He mentally shrugged and closed his eyes, inhaling the scent of her hair and fell asleep.