And if I only could
I'd make a deal with God
And get him to swap our places

Running Up That Hill – Meg Myers

It was all bright, white light.

Vague shapes flitted past in blurred streaks.

Series of images flashed sporadically through my brain.

Blood.

Knife.

Blue eyes.

"You're a monster!"

"Monster."

MONSTER.

Breath rushed into my lungs and I gasped. Pain flared in my head and body. I groaned.

Cursing, I touched my chest, prodding it gently. It felt bruised…

I froze, my hands clutching my heart.

The knife slicing cleanly through my skin came back to me in a vague, smoggy memory. I frowned, fidgeting with the shirt that barely covered my chest.

It was dark where I woke up. I laid on a narrow bed, staring up at a flickering fluorescent light. It didn't do much to lighten up the room. As my eyes roamed the dungeon like cell, I became aware of an overwhelming scent in the room. My mouth abruptly started watering.

I sat up trying to identify the smell. Looking around I couldn't see the direct cause and frowned. Where could it be coming from? A lumpy shape covered in a white shape caught my eye. It was carefully placed on the only other cot in the room. The white of the tarp covering it was covered in large red splotches. Dread crawled into my limbs as I approached it, dimly realising that it was the source of the amazing smell.

I lifted a shaky hand and pulled the sheet away.

A scream ripped through my body. The sound was unlike any other I had ever mustered and it burned my throat like fire as it erupted out of my mouth.

"BEN!" I screamed and collapsed on his body. His skin was grey and his eyes sunken. He was dead, his throat a bloody mess, "No, no, no," I chanted over and over.

I barely noticed when someone barged in. Raised voices echoed in my head in meaningless circles but I could only see him and his blue eyes. I clutched at his shirt and wailed into his shoulder.

Hands gently tugged me away from his body but I swatted them away, grabbing onto Ben's shoulders, shaking his stiffening body harshly. When the screams halted with a choked sob the hands came down again, tentatively prying my fingers from his shirt. A ringing started in my ears as I let the hands lead me away. A thick fog settled on my shocked brain, clouding my thoughts and vision.

"Laura," I heard a voice coming through it. I blinked my eyes sluggishly trying to recognise the person the voice belongs to. My breathing was hollow and echoed through my head.

"Laura!" the voice called again and this time it was more clear. My eyes focused and I saw Damon, shock written across his perfect face. I looked around and saw Alaric standing behind him looking like he'd seen a ghost. My eyes travelled further and I saw Stefan a ways back and behind him…

"GET HER AWAY FROM ME!" I screamed and tried to get up. Damon gripped my shoulders firmly and I squirmed in his grip, not taking my eyes off Katherine. The woman who murdered me.

"Laura, look at me," Damon hissed, "Look at me," I forced myself to look into his baby blue eyes, "That's not Katherine, it's Elena." Katherine… Elena stood behind Stefan clutching his arm. Worry and shock etched into her face.

"But… How?" I asked dumbly, my body slumping back into the couch.

"Katherine is Elena's great, great, great times like 50 Grandma," Damon said simply, the shock still hasn't worn off his face. I realised how I must look, smeared in blood and dirt. I looked at my hands, they were covered in dry caked blood. Shuddering, I looked down and saw my shirt ripped down the middle, barely covering my breasts. I folded my arms around my body.

"Laura, what happened?" Damon asked urgently.

"I don't know," I said, my voice trembling, "I woke up and Ben was dead and she… she was just standing there with a knife… and then she said she wanted you to herself and… she killed me didn't she?"

"Yeah…" he trailed off, his eyes flickered to my chest. I wondered what it must've looked like when he found me.

"Damon," Stefan spoke in a low voice, "That's the point. Katherine killed her… how is she alive?"

"Because I gave her some of my blood to heal her hand," Damon said without taking his eyes off me. My body went cold. I died… with Damon's blood in my system. Was I a vampire?

Elena gasped, covering her mouth with her hand.

"Wouldn't it have been out of her system by then?"

"Clearly it wasn't, Stefan," Damon spat out and turned to look at him, "I did try and heal her when I found her but I doubt that helped at all… She was basically…" he trailed off, frowning as he tried to control his face.

I curled into a ball and felt Alaric put a consoling hand on my shoulder. I realised then I had a pounding headache. My eyes scrunched closed on their own accord and I pressed my fingertips to my tempes.

"What are we going to do?" I heard Elena whisper from the other end of the room.

"She has to choose, we can't force her to turn or not to turn," Damon murmured. The word turn made my body break out in a cold sweat. I shivered and opened my eyes again. They were all staring at me.

"Laura, let's go somewhere more private," Damon said gently, "Then you can take a shower as well." I nodded and he took my hand and led me to his room.

"I'm sorry, Laura," he said when he placed me on his bed.

I didn't know what to say. It wasn't his fault that Katherine had done this but… If he had left me alone… if I had left him alone all of this could've been avoided. I could have left here with Ben. We could've started over somewhere else…

"It's not your fault," I said, my voice monotonous. I picked at the flaked blood on my hands wondering how long it will take to get everything clean.

"It is actually," he whispered, his voice pained, "This could've been avoided if I had just… stayed away from you like you wanted-"

"Damon, please just… just don't," I muttered, the pain in my head seared behind my eyes, "Can I please take a shower?" He nodded and I got up. My reflection in the mirror told a grim story. There was not a single inch on my body not covered in blood. The shirt I was wearing when I was murdered hung around my shoulders like a jacket, having been ripped down the middle when Katherine butchered me. Blood crowded the ragged edges of the shirt and clung to my skin. I cringed as I pulled it off my skin. My body was perfectly fine, considering the trauma it had endured and I pondered what it might have to face next as I let the warm water pour down my body.

The water broke the blood up fairly easily and when I looked in the mirror afterwards I could see no trace of what had happened to me.

I wandered out of the bathroom in my towel. The thought of putting my destroyed clothing on my body again filled me with disgust. I was grateful when Damon handed me a black shirt.

"What am I supposed to do?" I asked him after I had changed. I sat down on the bed, grabbing a pillow and hugging it to my chest. He stood by the window with his hands in his pockets.

"If you want to complete the transition, you have to drink human blood," he explained slowly, "If you choose not to drink blood… you'll…" he cleared his throat, "You'll die."

He turned around and our eyes met. His blue eyes were clouded with worry and regret.

A million different scenarios sprung up in my head. I could take the blood and live eternally but I would risk ending up like Stefan. Animalistic, out of control. Or, I could choose to die. The thought came with a bout of fear for my family, my friends. What would that do to them? Even so, would I be able to stick around and live unchanged as they all die?

"Whatever you choose…" Damon said and sat down next to me, "I'll help you every step of the way."

"If I don't drink blood… how long…?" I couldn't bear to finish the sentence. He gripped my hand tightly.

"A day."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. It was extremely bright in Damon's room. The sun shone brilliantly through the gauzy curtains.

The choice I had to make hung like noose above my head. In my mind vampires were the bad guys. They were the villains. Even Damon with his casual disregard for human life.

But… my heart wrenched with anguish as I thought of never seeing Bella again… or Scarlett. I thought of their grief when they found out that I had died. I wonder what Damon would make it look like. Would it be quick? Like going to sleep? Or would it be a long drawn out process. Damon said I had one day… how would it end if I decided to die?

Would it be selfish to die? Leaving Bella, Charlie and Scarlett with only a body and a bunch of questions? Don't I owe them more?

But they were all human. With human lives that will inevitably end. I imagined that if I chose to complete the transition I would have to stand by, idly watching as my life disappeared and I lived on. Unchanging. Plagued by grief and regret.

I realised I was hungry. My stomach growled loudly. It was odd though. The hunger made my gums itch and ache and I gritted my teeth in discomfort. I was vaguely aware of Damon speaking to someone at the door of his room but I sat motionless considering the gnawing hunger I felt. It expelled every other thought from my mind.

"Elena brought coffee," Damon said and placed the cup down next to the bed.

"Thanks."

"If... I die tonight…" I started and busied myself with taking a sip of the coffee. I grimaced, it tasted horrible, "Why does this taste like toilet water?" I said, distracted by the taste.

"That's part of the transition," Damon smiled ruefully and took the cup from me.

"If I die… would it be quick?" I finished my thought from earlier.

"I don't know," he said softly, "What I do know is that if you want me to… I could end it…" he murmured.

"Why did Katherine do this?" I asked, overwhelmed with grief. She had ruined my life in the span of 20 minutes. Tears welled up in my eyes and I found myself sobbing into the pillow I was holding. Ben deserved a full life. One where he could die when it was his time…

"Because she's a selfish bitch," Damon muttered, "I knew her when I was human… She was cunning and sly. Even back then when Stefan and I gave our lives to save her… She didn't care. The other night she reappeared, not only getting me to kiss her but also stabbing Uncle John."

"I thought it was Elena at first too," I let out a strangled, macabre laugh. My stomach growled again and I stopped laughing.

"Want to get something to eat?" Damon asked and I nodded. We went down to the parlour where the rest were still sitting. They greeted me tentatively as Damon headed to the kitchen. I sat down next to Stefan and crossed my legs.

"Hungry?" he asked sympathetically.

"Ravenous." I said and smiled numbly.

The silence grew longer as we listened to Damon bustle in the kitchen. Then it was pierced by an enraged roar.

"LAURA," it echoed from outside the house. All of us froze, our heads spinning in the direction of the front door. Damon barged into the parlour, clutching a forgotten bread slice in his hand. Alaric got up, brandishing a wooden stake that I hadn't seen before this moment.

The door flung open, bouncing off the wall with a boom and the rest of us sprang up, some in fear, others in defense.

Edward burst through the door, his eyes dark and smoldering with fury.