Dove wanted to cry as she looked out the window at the empty streets of Atlanta as they made their way out of the city. This was nothing like the city that she loved and had grown up around. As much as she tried to hold on, every chance the world got it seemed like it was going to challenge her faith. They had managed to siphon gas from some of the vehicles they were leaving behind in order to hopefully make it to Fort Benning.
There was something deep down in her gut that made her feel like there was something good out there for them. The young woman just had to keep hoping that it was sooner rather than later as she sat in the backseat with Sophia, Carol, and Carl. It definitely wasn't as comfortable as before with her family and Rick's all shoved into the same car.
Dove felt a smile cross her face at the discussion about the Grand Canyon. "Can we go," Sophia piped up from the middle seat. "I'd like to." Dove looked over Sophia's head to her sister. The silence was broken by Rick.
"We'd never go anywhere without you guys," Rick glanced into the rearview mirror for a moment before his gaze shifted back to the road.
A thought crossed Dove's mind and she let out a chuckle. "I think the only vacation that Sophia's ever been on is when I, according to Ed, 'kidnapped' her and Carol for the weekend when I was living up in Virginia. We took a train into DC for the day, went to a whole bunch of museums. Remember that, bug?" Dove beamed as she stroked her niece's hair.
Carol cracked a smile. "I remember Sophia being so excited to see the dinosaur bones…"
"And being terrified when she realized how tall they all were compared to her?" Dove finished with a laugh. Lori and Rick laughed from the front seat and Carl looked over at Sophia.
"It's ok, Sophia. I would probably be real nervous too." Carl said comfortingly. Dove noticed how Sophia blushed a little bit before she smiled and leaned her head on Carol's shoulder. Despite the cramped space, Dove could stay in the car with them like this for forever. It was nice. Too nice, she thought, as they crept to a stop.
She felt her throat begin to close up from the anxiety that crept in as they began to make their way through the claustrophobic space on the freeway. As they came to a stop, Dove reached over and pushed the door open before she exited the car with everyone else.
Dove pursed her lips and slipped her hands into her back pockets as she surveyed the road. Lori was right. This was a big fucking graveyard. T-Dog snapped her out of her thoughts as he walked past her. "Come on, y'all. Just look around." Dove sighed.
"Food, water. Priorities," she nodded at Carol before she split from them to follow after T-Dog. A tug on her hand stopped her in her tracks.
She glanced down to see Sophia look at her nervously. "Do you have to go that way? What if something happens?"
Dove pulled Sophia into a tight hug as she replied. "Well, if something happens and we have to get back to the car, I'm a real fast runner and we know now that you are too." Sophia let out a weak laugh at that. "If you get real scared, your mama's right here. But if you need me, just yell for me. I'll get to you as quick as I can." Dove tried to wipe the worry from her face as she leaned over and kissed Sophia on the head. "I promise. I love you, bug." She pulled away and gave Carol's shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "Yell if you need me," and then she was off.
She heard Carol warn the kids not to look in the cars as she walked past her to T-Dog. "You guys getting gas?" Dove questioned as she shielded her eyes from the sunlight.
"Yep," T mumbled as he inserted a hose into the gas tank of the car. "You guys go on up ahead. I got this one." He nodded and Dove turned her head to look at Daryl. The other man just grunted and motioned for her to follow him.
Dove sighed and ran a hand across her forehead. "Think we should save some gas in some of these cars? Maybe we can move them out of the way if we don't totally empty the tanks…" she trailed off as she looked around.
Daryl turned slightly to look at her, an eyebrow raised. "You know what. You might not really be that stupid after all."
Dove let out a snort of laughter and her reply was lost as she heard Rick call for Lori to get under the cars. Panic swept through her as she went to run towards her family. A sharp tug on her arm froze her in place as Daryl shook his head and put a finger to his lips. She shoved him, angry as all hell. "I gotta help Sophia."
"You wanna die? You're gonna run straight into a mess of walkers," Daryl hissed back at her before he motioned for her to get low to the ground and follow him. They were headed back towards T-Dog. She wanted to run to Sophia and Carol as fast as she could but she would be no use to them if she got bit.
As she looked down, there was a trail of blood and she had to cover her mouth to keep a scream from coming out of her mouth. She peeked out from behind a truck just in time to see Daryl stab a walker through the back of the head. He motioned for her to get under one of the bodies and Dove froze for a moment. There were a lot of walkers and they were coming. She didn't have a choice as she lifted a body slightly and slid to the ground, sure to pull it over her. She held her breath to keep the smell of decay from getting into her nose as much as she could. Once it was clear, she sat up quickly. Her heart sank as she took in the sight before her. T-Dog was bleeding. Bad. "Oh shit," Dove mumbled as Daryl hurried to try to tie a tourniquet around his arm. All other thoughts were gone as she heard Sophia scream.
"Mommy! Dovey, help me," the little girl's shrieks cut through the air like a knife. Dove was on her feet quicker than either of the men beside her. She heard someone call after her as she ran in the direction of the screams. She reached the guardrail just in time to see Sophia disappear into the woods, two walkers right behind her.
"Sophia," Dove called after her and Rick pushed her back.
"Go with Lori and Carol. Now! I got her," he whispered as he jumped the guardrail and ran after her.
Dove just stood there, stunned. It was like her brain didn't want to comprehend what was happening. Sophia was being chased by walkers through the woods. Sophia didn't know the woods. "Two walkers after my baby," she heard Carol cry before she turned to see Lori trying to hush her. Arms were around her in a few seconds and it too her a minute to realize that it was Glenn.
"What the hell happened," Glenn whispered at Lori.
"We were under the cars. We thought they were all gone. One of them heard Sophia and tried to get at her under the car so she took off runnin. Rick went after her," Lori explained in a hushed voice as she tried to calm both Carol and her son down.
Dove felt herself begin to shake in Glenn's arms as he stroked her hair. "Are you ok?"
Dove felt her chest tighten and she began to cry. "I can't…I can't breathe," she tried to keep her voice low but she just wanted to scream as she felt it. The months of things happening without a break and now Sophia was gone? An anxiety attack had been a long time coming.
Panic flashed across Glenn's face as he struggled to think of what to do before Dale stepped up and put a hand on Glenn's shoulder. The Asian boy moved back a few steps as Dale reached forward and took the young woman's shaking hand in his. "Dove, look at me," he spoke softly as Dove leaned against the hood of a car and tried to breathe. The world was spinning now, it all started to crash in on her. "Listen to me, you're having an anxiety attack. I just need you to breathe, honey. Everything's gonna be just fine." Dale's calm, even tone made the world stop spinning just enough for her to begin to focus. "Good. Alright now just focus on your breath, ok. Breathe in…breathe out. Big deep breath in," Dove tried to listen to what Dale was saying and it was getting easier now. "I know you're scared right now. We all are. But Rick's out there looking for Sophia right now. Everything's gonna be just fine," Dale nodded and Glenn took a slow step forward and began to rub her shoulder. It took a few more moments before her breathing evened out enough for her to nod at Dale.
Dove gave the older man's hand a squeeze, "Thank you," She mumbled as she leaned her head on Glenn's shoulder.
"I woulda made a hell of a therapist, huh," Dale mumbled. Dove rolled her eyes as she took a shaky step forward. Rick was back already. He looked around the group.
"Where's Sophia," his only answer was blank stares. "She's not back yet," his voice broke as he realized that he had lost the little girl once again. As Carol started to cry, Dove took a few shaky steps forward and knelt next to her on the ground.
"It's gonna be okay," Dove tried to focus on her breathing again as her older sister clung to her and began to sob. That was the only thing she can focus on for what felt like hours before she heard someone else speak up.
Daryl's harsh voice got louder as he stepped forward. "Well what are we waitin for? Let's get back out there and find the little girl."
Lori placed a gentle hand on Dove's shoulder and nodded at her. With a nod right back, Dove looped an arm under Carol's as she and Lori pulled Carol to her feet. "Cmon Carol, let's get you back to the RV. You need to rest while we wait for Sophia, ok? They're gonna bring her back real soon."
Dove ended up being the one resting in the RV while Carol waited at the guardrail for anyone to come back with news about Sophia. Soft footsteps made the young woman sit upright from her spot and her expression fell when she saw it was just Lori. The older woman sat down next to her and placed a comforting arm around her. "Rick's not gonna stop until he finds her. Daryl's a good tracker. They're gonna find her," Lori said as she tried to soothe her.
Dove sniffled and buried her head in her hands. "The last thing I said to her was to yell for me and I would get to her as quick as I could."
Lori shook her head, "There were too many of em. You woulda died if you tried to get back to her right when the herd came through. It's not your fault." Dove hated the fact that Lori was right. Because that meant that Daryl was also right and Sophia was still gone.
"I still coulda done something," Dove sighed as she looked up at Lori.
The older brunette sighed as she pulled Dove into a one-armed hug, "You did all you could. Now it's our turn. We're gonna find her, I promise."
With that, Dove allowed Lori to lead her back out to the rest of the group. Carol needed her more than ever right now. An appreciative smile back at Lori said all that she had to say as she approached her sister. Dove wrapped an arm around Carol as she took a spot next to her, just staring out into the woods. "You alright," Carol said in a hushed voice as she stared straight ahead.
"I will be once they get back. We all will. Sophia too," Dove leaned her head on Carol's shoulder. Carol didn't say anything, she just nodded in agreement. Dove sighed as she let her hand fall from Carol's waist. She didn't say anything either as her sister reached over and gave her hand a squeeze. Something about the fact that at least she still had Carol after everything they'd been through, even before this, was a comfort.
As she heard sticks begin to break, she leaned over the guardrail. "Holy shit, they're back," Dove mumbled to Carol. Dove jumped the guardrail, by-passed Rick and ran right up to Daryl. "Did you find anything," she couldn't hide the desperation in her voice as she turned on her heel to walk alongside the redneck. She tried her hardest to tune out Carol's cries.
"Found a trail, but didn't find her," Daryl mumbled back before he looked over at the brunette. " 'M sorry," Daryl frowned before he averted his eyes. Dove allowed Glenn to help her back over the guardrail as she wrapped her arms around Carol to try and comfort her. "Out in the dark's no good," Daryl told Carol. "We'd just be tripping over ourselves. More people would get lost out there."
"She's 12. She can't be out there on her own," Carol pleaded.
"I know this is hard, but I'm asking you not to panic. We know she's still out there," Rick placed a comforting hand on Carol's arm.
"We tracked her for a while," Daryl added.
"We have to make this an organized effort. Daryl knows the woods better than anyone," Rick continued and Dove's gaze shifted to the other man. Daryl definitely looked uncomfortable with all of the attention shifted to him. "I've asked him to oversee this."
Dove's head began to spin again as Rick tried to calm Carol down and reassure her. "How do you know that," Andrea spoke up from behind her. A quick flash of anger ran through Dove as she imagined herself pushing the other woman down the embankment right in front of them. Instead, she settled on clenching her jaw.
At least they'd made sure, she thought as she sat down next to Carol on the side of the road. "How could you just leave her out there," Carol spat that Rick. The anger and hatred in Carol's voice made Dove want to curl up into a ball. She leaned her head on Carol's shoulder and turned away from the sheriff.
"Those two walkers were on us, I had to lead them away." Bullshit.
Dove closed her eyes, tried to focus on her breathing but she felt the tears start to slip down her face as Carol began to cry too. She was angry and sad enough to allow Andrea to offer comfort and that was saying something.
Dove didn't sleep that night but she was ready the next morning as Rick began to discuss their plan. She placed her hand on the handle of the hatchet as Andrea spoke. "These aren't the kind of weapons we need, what about the guns." Dove's hand tightened around the handle as she whispered to the person next to her.
"If the next thing she said is some pity me bullshit, this hatchet goes through her head," she huffed.
Daryl whispered back, "Easy there, bird. I don't think Sophia would want her aunt being a murderer when she gets back." Dove growled quietly as she picked the hatchet up and stared at it.
Dove placed a hand on Carol's shoulder, "Stay close to Daryl. If anyone's gonna find her…"
Carol nodded, "It's the tracker, right?"
Dove smiled weakly at her sister. "Damn straight." She tried her best to mind her own business as Andrea and Dale began to argue about the gun and it somehow turned into an argument about whether or not she was suicidal. The woman definitely isn't stable enough to handle a gun, Dove thought to herself as they began walking. Then again, neither was she but she hadn't asked for one.
Dove sighed as she leaned her head back and looked up through the trees. She felt extra comfort in the fact that Glenn was behind her. She wasn't sure when she'd done it, but at one point, she felt Glenn give her hand a squeeze of reassurance before she pulled her hand back up to her side.
Her pulse quickened as she was told to stay put. She watched Daryl approach the yellow tent, wringing her hands as she ran after Carol. "Sophia, sweetie. Are you in there? We're all here, baby. It's mommy," Carol called softly as Dove came up behind her. She wrapped an arm around Carol as Daryl walked into the tent. He walked out and confirmed what she thought. It wasn't her. Then she heard it. Fucking church bells.
Dove grabbed Glenn's arm as they came to a stop and started to try to locate the bells. "We're gonna find her," he assured her as the group took off again. Dove cursed herself for not keeping up with her exercise when she went to college. She wouldn't be this out of shape if she did. Dove walked up the steps of the church before Carol and what she saw made her heart sink. Walkers were witting in the church pews. This was sick.
Sophia wasn't there. Dove felt like a ghost as she walked back into the church with Carol. She sank down in one of the pews and buried her face in her hands as she heard the pew creak. She lifted her head slowly to see Lori sit next to her. Carol's voice was quiet but what she said hurt Dove more than anything.
"Forgive me, lord. I prayed for safe passage from Atlanta and you provided. I prayed for Ed to be punished for laying his hands on me and for looking at his own daughter with whatever sickness was growing in his soul," Carol whispered. Dove felt her stomach churn. "I prayed you'd put a stop to it, give me a chance to raise her right, help her not make my mistakes." Dove bit down on her lip to keep from saying anything. Carol should be able to have this moment, but it hurt her how much her family had really been hurting without her knowledge. Dove buried her face in her hands again as the tears began to pour. "She's so fearful. She's so young in her way. She hasn't had a chance. Praying for Ed's death was a sin. Please don't let this be my punishment." Dove couldn't handle it anymore. She got up from the pew as quick as she could, a hand pressed to her mouth as she moved towards the door. She took the steps two at a time as she exited the building.
The cool grass hit her hands as she collapsed to the ground outside of the church. Sobs tore out of her throat as she tried to calm herself down. The thought of Ed hurting Sophia in the way that Carol was hinting at in the church was the worst thing she could ever think. Ed was a bastard but she didn't see any signs of him being capable of that. It made her want to go back and bash his head in even more than Carol already had.
She lifted her head up from the ground as she steadied her breathing and her heart sank as she saw Glenn and Daryl both looking at her from the other side of the building. At least Daryl had the decency to avert his eyes when she noticed him. Glenn just looked on in concern. "What," she grumbled as she rubbed her eyes.
She didn't like the idea of leaving anyone behind, but it wasn't like she had a choice. "C'mon," Daryl caught her attention and pulled her out of her mental fog as he tapped her elbow lightly. She reached out and took Carol's hand in hers as they began to walk off. She was worried about everyone. Why were they leaving people behind again?
Dove whispered so only Carol could hear. "Why didn't you tell me," her voice cracked.
Carol held her head high and sniffled, "We didn't want to bother you. You were doing so good and I was so proud of you. I didn't want you to ruin your life for me and Sophia," she whispered back. "Plus Ed wouldn't let me." Dove squeezed her hand tighter as they walked in silence.
Carol broke the silence again as she pulled on Dove's hand. Her hazel eyes locked on her sister as she sat down on a log and asked about the plan.
"I guess the plan is to whittle us down into smaller and smaller groups," Daryl mused.
"Carrying knives and pointy sticks," Andrea complained. "I see you have a gun," Andrea eyes Lori angrily.
Dove rolled her eyes, "Our ancestors survived with less. You're lucky that Dale even let you have a pointy stick."
"Why you want my gun? Take it. I'm sick of the looks you're giving me," Lori snapped back as she held the gun out to Andrea. Lori looked tired as she sat on the log next to Carol. Dove let go of her sister's hand and folded her arms across her chest. "I can't imagine what you're going through and I would do anything to stop it, but you have got to stop blaming Rick." Lori spoke calmly and Carol's expression softened just a little. "It is in your face every time you look at him. When Sophia ran he didn't hesitate, did he?"
Dove felt a wave of guilt wash over her as she turned to look away from the two women. She thought she saw a guilty look cross Daryl's features for a moment before he turned his focus up towards the canopy. "I don't know that any of us would've gone after her the way he did. Made the hard decisions that he had to make or that anybody could have done it any differently." Dove ran a hand down her face and let out a shaky breath. "Dove, I know you wanted to run after her too," Lori spoke to her now. "But just think about it. What if you got lost out here too? I know you're angry that Rick stopped you, but you have to know he did the right thing," Lori pleaded with her.
Dove paused for a moment before she turned to face Lori again. She uncrossed her arms and threw her hands up in the air before she brought them down to her sides, "Of course I know he did the right thing. I'm angry at myself. Not at him. I could've done more. I promised her."
Lori nodded at her, "Thank you…Now as for everyone else, if you think you can do this without Rick you go right on ahead. I'm not gonna stop you." Lori had really had enough of everyone's bullshit. It was enough to knock Andrea out of her funk as she handed the gun back to her.
Then they were moving again. All Dove wanted was to go back to the RV and go to bed, but she doubted that sleep would come again tonight. If it did, she had a feeling that it would be the furthest thing from restful.