120 Years

by malagenabolakaful

"Were you hoping I'd say something else?", he tried to tease her to get the heaviness out of the conversation. "No", she said and looked him straight into the eyes again, her glance so intense he could barely hold it. "I just didn't know you were this broken, Mr. Specter." Darvey. Vampire AU. Set both in the early 20th century and the present. WIP

9. Chapter 9: Embedded In The Frost

I made it (insert crying here). I finally managed to finish this 20k mess of a chapter, and I ended up not really hating it, which is good. I know it's taking me ridiculously long to update this story, but it's just a ton of work to get the timelines right and the plot to work and the characters to behave, which they never do, and also for the inspiration to be there, which is rarely is when I am as busy as I am at the moment. but I'm trying my best.

as for the chapter, this is where the story starts going from dark to really dark, mainly because of the flashback. the two following chapters will definitely be hard to write (I've been dreading it since I started the story) and I don't know how much it will weigh on anyone reading. please remember that this was never a happy story to begin with and there is a lot of violence and death still to come. harvey and donna specifically are traumatized for a reason, and it would feel wrong to leave that reason (or the multiple reasons) out of the story.

warning: usual graphic descriptions of violence and death, mentions of child abuse, but we're also going deeper into donna's mental state and it's not a pretty place.

song: landfill by daughter

now, I hope you enjoy this chapter. reviews are, as always, more than welcome. if you're still here and reading despite everything: thank you. it means the world.

xx P.

---

Chapter Nine: Embedded In The Frost

Then leave me in the rain

Wait until my clothes cling to my frame

Wipe away your tear stains

Thought you said you didn't feel pain

---

New York, November 1906

.

In a way, nothing changed, and yet everything did.

After the fateful night Harvey loved to call The Werewolf Shitshow of '03, Donna came back to them physically, but mentally, she seemed far away most of the time. Harvey and Jessica tried to talk to her about Stephen, about her family and Neil; about what she went through in the years she was on her own. But not even they had been able to tear down the wall she'd build up inside, and so they let the years pass them by like they were nothing.

In truth, a couple of years were nothing to them.

Harvey and Donna tried to pick up where they left off, now adding cities out of the country to their list, even if they both knew by now that they would never visit any of them.

They were still hunting, if only to keep up the facade in front of Donna's father.

Neil however, just like Donna's mother, was nowhere to be found.

Jessica was out of town a lot, driven by the excessive need to know where they were, haunted by this weird feeling in her gut that something about their disappearances felt as off as everything else that had to do with the Paulsen clan.

The war between the species was brewing below the surface, now more than ever. There were mysterious dead bodies from all factions, council meetings full of barely withheld anger and unsubtle threats, more killings that looked suspiciously like retaliation after losing one of their own. It seemed like one wrong move could set off a chain of events with devastating consequences, and so whenever Jessica was in New York, she was busy forming new treaties to keep the peace.

Harvey missed the times when things were easy. The times he was able to stride through the streets of New York like he owned them, feeding on whoever seemed good enough, and just moved on without consequences. Truthfully, all these alliances and people he was supposed to talk to gave him a headache.

He spent a lot of time at Amanda's house, spoiling Adelia and Arthur to undo every bit of the decent upbringing that Donna's cousin worked so hard on and helping Adam out with his most prized possession – his garden. Donna usually joined when he went to see them, and whenever all of them would sit on the porch, the lingering sense of boredom he'd been unable to shake off ever since Stephen died made way for something that almost felt like contentment.

Still, he missed feeling close to Jessica.

He also missed feeling close to Donna.

Maybe that was the reason he started this weird thing he did sometimes again. He had never been able to find a word for it. He would just write out his thoughts and lock them away in his drawer; in a place nobody would look because nobody would think to search for pieces of paper in Harvey Specter's nightstand.

His thoughts were safe there. Safer than in his head.

Not even Jessica knew about it.

He did it for himself, not for anyone else.

Lately, the thoughts he locked away were almost positive. Faithful even.

He figured it was only a matter of time before he would hate himself for being hopeful.

.

Nothing but the years changed. At least that was what it felt like to Donna.

It wasn't that she necessarily felt like she was standing still. She just struggled to see a sense of purpose. She was immortal now, more powerful than she'd ever been, and she was still cooped up in this town with her family. She felt like she was out of options. Running away hadn't worked because somehow, she was always dragged back to this place.

Dragged back to him.

Her and Harvey had begun to add names to the list again. Only this time, they'd include places all over the world. Obvious ones like Paris, Rio or Shanghai, random towns that just popped into their heads like Austin had all those years ago, well-thought out ones, whispered to each other like secret wishes. It was the only time Donna felt the way she'd felt before. It was the only way she would feel close to him.

Everything else was heavy now. She knew she lashed out at him too often, but most days she had to fight the sense that she was being suffocated by him. She couldn't figure out who's fault it really was. Hers or his. It was probably hers. She missed feeling light, like the world was at her feet, entire cities were hers and Harvey's for the taking.

The reality was different. It meant getting up and calling the murder of random vampires their work, something they allegedly did with pride and honour, even though more and more people seemed to know who they really were. It was only a matter of time before her father would find out, and yet she found herself trying to delay the inevitable for as long as possible.

Jessica was gone a lot, looking for Neil and Donna's mum.

Donna couldn't shake the feeling that Jessica was doing what she should have volunteered for, but these days, she couldn't bring herself to care enough about it.

She preferred being with Amanda and the kids.

She preferred being with Harvey, no matter how distant she often felt to him.

Maybe it was that distance that got her back into drawing. Maybe it was her lack of feeling anything like she used to, so she went back to something familiar in the hope that she would find her footing again.

She drew Amanda and her family.

She drew Jessica and herself, arm in arm staring at a sunrise.

She drew New York, by night and by day.

She drew Adam's garden, a lot.

She drew Harvey, once.

It hurt to even look at it, so Donna hid it somewhere she knew no one would ever find it. The other sketches, she kept close by, as a reminder of what she was fighting for and why it still made sense to get up in the morning.

.

They fought a lot. As in actual, physical fighting sessions. Harvey thought it was the best way for Donna to led off some steam instead of going on a murderous rampage. Donna became obsessed with it quickly, as she tended to do with anything she deemed important. It was her way of ensuring that she'd always be in control, that she'd always have the upper hand.

It was also a way for her and Harvey to perfect their techniques and silent communication during actual fights. Jessica joined them whenever she was in town, and she was merciless in revealing their flaws or sloppy positioning. In some ways, it wasn't anything new. Harvey and Jessica had trained her for years, but now the playfulness of how Donna would usually throw Harvey into the mat was missing entirely.

On most days, they used the empty ballroom in Amanda's house to practice. They knew the kids sometimes snuck in to watch them with round eyes and curiosity, but overall they were the least disturbed here and could still spend some time with the family after they were done.

On this day, Donna reached another level of relentlessness, gritted teeth, sharp moves and not one word leaving her mouth.

"You're getting better."

"No, you just stopped fighting back."

Harvey held his sides, glaring at her in-between heavy breaths. "Excuse me, but how dare you."

She glared right back, placing her next punch below his abandum. "Give me a real fight."

"I am."

She scoffed. "The Harvey I used to know actually gave me a run for my money."

"And the Donna I remember wasn't a complete bitch."

Anger flared up inside her, although she knew that was the true intention behind his words. She rushed behind him to go straight for the hollows of his knees – a move she'd copied from Jessica – but he saw it coming and escaped her with a mocking smile playing around his lips. "Don't try to be Jessica, it makes you obvious and desperate."

"That's no way to talk to a lady, Mr. Specter."

His arm wrapped around her neck before she could react, pressing against her windpipe while his body was pressed up behind hers. "Neither is beating a lady in a fight and yet, here we are", he murmured against her ear.

Donna closed her eyes, suppressing a shiver. Yes, here they were. With her trapped in his arms and his lips almost touching her earlobe. She blamed her sudden dizziness on the fact that he was still cutting off her breath with his arm and not on the fact that she wouldn't complain much if he'd just move his mouth forward and bite into her earlobe.

Trying to focus on anything other than his touch, she dug her left heel into his kneecap, whirling around when he let her go with a curse and pushing him to the ground. He grabbed her arm while he was falling, so she ended up on top of him, hair a wild mess of curls and a triumphant smile on her lips.

"Told ya you were getting better", Harvey managed to gasp, moving his head to the side and wincing when he felt blood on the back of his head. "Do you even classify as a lady wearing those pants and pulling off these moves?"

"Shut up," Donna said shakily, "I'm trying to be mad at you."

"For what, exactly?"

"Do I need a reason?"

For just a split second, his expression went from teasing to serious. "These days, apparently not."

She cleared her throat and jumped to her feet, extending her hand to help him up. He held onto it for a beat longer than necessary and she immediately created more distance between them by stepping back. "We should go, Amanda must be waiting for us."

Harvey watched her rush out of the room with a slight shake of his head. Sometimes she was so predictable that it almost made him mad. She'd been evading his touch – his presence, really – ever since she turned and most days, it seemed like it gradually got worse, not better.

The one time he'd called her out on it, she'd called it their newly set boundaries. No touching, no talking about the other time, as she named it, and absolutely no mentioning her family.

Their fighting sessions were the only exception, which was probably why Harvey was always looking forward to it. In this room, under these circumstances, he was allowed to touch her, even if it was under the disguise of training. In a way, it was poetic, how they'd seamlessly gone from communicating through dancing to communicating through fighting.

They'd do anything if it only meant escaping real communication.

He decided to follow her with a deep sigh. His last letter to Jessica was still unanswered and he was beginning to feel uneasy at her lack of reply. The longer she was gone, leaving him behind to deal with Donna while she dealt with everything else, the more he understood that he had trouble being his true self without her around. His confidence, his wit, his sense of belonging, all that was tied to her and he couldn't help but feel like he was constantly staring into a bottomless pit unless Jessica was there to drag him away from the edge.

"You look lost." It was Amanda's voice that cut through his thoughts. She was sitting on the porch, a thick blanket wrapped around her body, steadily rocking back and forth on her chair, and not even bothering to look up from her knitting.

"You look cold", he gave back weakly.

She gave him a small smile. "It's not raining, I have to take advantage of that. Plus, the view is worth it."

Harvey's gaze roamed over the garden, Adam standing at the centre of it and tending his flowers with Donna next to him, circled in by Adelia and Arthur who were running around them, singing Amazing Grace from the top of their lungs.

"I once was lost,
But now I am found,
Was blind,
But now I see."

Harvey's chest tightened at the sight. "Are you talking about the garden or something else?", he teased.

Amanda met his eyes, still smiling. "I don't know, you tell me."

"'Twas grace that brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home."

Donna looked over to them, seemingly lost in thought before Adelia pulled at the seam of her pants. "Auntie Donna, you are not listening."

Harvey chuckled. Donna went back to watching the children, now singing alongside them.

"Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease;
I shall possess,
Within the veil,
A life of joy and peace."

He couldn't help the shiver that ran down his spine.

"Will you sit with me?", Amanda asked.

"Sure, I love freezing to death."

She grinned. "You'll do it for me."

"Sadly, yes."

Adelia and Arthur had finished Amazing Grace and seamlessly started from the beginning again.

"Good lord," Amanda groaned. "They've been on it since last week."

"And then you wonder why I don't have children."

"Oh please," she scoffed. "You love them and we both know it."

Harvey didn't have to answer because she was right; both of them knew it.

"How's Jessica?"

"I wish I knew. I haven't heard back from her."

She observed him from the corner of her eyes, having gone back to knitting. "Try not to worry. She's Jessica, she can handle herself."

"I know."

"But since she's family, we'll all worry anyway."

"I never heard you call her that before. I didn't know you were close."

She shook her head lightly. "We're not, not really. But she is your family, and Donna's. That makes her part of my family, too."

"Doesn't it ever bother you?", he asked. "How your blood family cast you out and is now close to doing the same with Donna just because you don't blindly follow their ideals?"

"I am a firm believer that family is what you choose, not what you're born into."

Harvey's lips quirked up. "I know."

"Despite that," she went on pensively, like she hadn't heard him, "There is a certain kind of damage that only blood related family can do to you, which makes the people you choose to love and value apart from them all the more important."

Harvey thought of Jessica again.

He thought of his mum.

He hummed.

Suddenly, Amanda's eyes flickered over to him again, sharp and bright. "Don't trust her mum."

"Who?"

"Donna's mother. Aunt Clara. Don't trust her."

Harvey frowned. Besides Amanda, Donna's mother had been by far the most pleasant member of the Paulsen clan. Sure, she'd never done anything other than smile and leave the room to her husband, but apart her almost comical obedience, she had never seemed like a bad person. "What are you talking about?"

"I am telling you; she cannot be trusted."

"She's missing."

Amanda looked like she wanted to say more before she turned her head and stared at her husband's garden instead.

"What do you know?"

No answer.

"Amanda, what do you know that Donna doesn't?", he pressed her further.

That got her attention. She was too smart to miss the underlying threat in Harvey's words. She pressed her lips together, like Donna did when she was holding something back to protect things – or people – she held dear.

"Donna has a blind spot when it comes to her. Even more so than with her father. She refuses to see it. So, when Clara Paulsen will come back, and trust me, she will, you'll need to keep her feet on the ground and open her eyes."

She caught his gaze again and while her eyes were still serious, there was an obvious hint of desperation in them this time. It was eerie, being trapped in her stare while the kids sang Amazing Grace in the background, now joined by Adam's deep voice alongside Donna's bright one, not fully understanding what he was being told but fully aware that there was something big, something horrible coming for them and that Donna's loyalty might not be as clearly with them as he'd hoped it would be.

"You will have to tell her the hard truths she won't want to hear."

.

He managed not to confront Donna about her mum for weeks, but it was nothing to be proud of. In reality, he didn't want to face the conflict that the conversation would undoubtedly bring.

They were dancing at the Darby mansion when he finally asked her where her mum was.

She looked up at him, utterly perplexed for a moment. "I don't know. You know I don't."

"Do I?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, it's just that we haven't talked about her in years and I thought, maybe you've heard from her since then."

"Heard from her?", Donna repeated, voice heated. "She is missing, Harvey. She was captured by vampires and just… vanished. We've been searching for her for half a decade. Don't you think I would've mentioned it by now if I'd gotten any sign that she was still alive?"

"So, Neil didn't leave because he found her?" In the weeks since Amanda's warning, Harvey had been thinking about nothing else. Without Jessica there to take the weight off him, he'd been trapped in his own thoughts, coming up with theories and scenarios as to where Clara went and why it could've made sense for Neil to follow her there.

"Found her where?", Donna bit back, gripping his hand tighter than necessary. "Who have you been talking to about this?"

"Nobody," he rushed to say, giving her an extra twirl that made her scowl.

"Bullshit, you didn't just think of my mum from the top of your head. You haven't mentioned or shown any interest in her for ages and suddenly—", she stopped, clenching her jaw.

"You talked to Amanda."

He tried to deny it, if only for her cousin's sake, but Donna held up her hand and stepped back, earning herself curious glances from the people around them who were still in the middle of their dance routine.

"Don't you lie to me. Amanda fed you some nonsense about my mother and you believed her."

"She didn't even say anything, really", Harvey said lowly, desperate to keep the prying eyes off them. "She merely wanted me to be careful."

"Careful", Donna laughed, loud and humourlessly, as if she didn't care that at least three quarters of the people in the room were now looking at them. "Let me tell you something about my mother, Harvey. She's been there for me my whole life. She was the only one in my family that gave me comfort and I don't appreciate you believing some paranoid babbling from someone who barely leaves her house over what I've told you."

"Donna," he hissed. "We shouldn't do this here."

"You know what, you are right." She threw him one last, utterly hateful glance. "We're done here."

She practically ran out of the room, shaking with anger. Not sparing a glance for anyone she passed, she headed for the main entrance without collecting her coat. The cold swell of air felt soothing on her heated skin and she took a few steps before leaning against the brick wall and closing her eyes, steading her breathing with long deep heaves. Raindrops fell on her face, growing thicker as the rain got heavier.

She wanted nothing more than to see her mum. To prove Amanda, and now Harvey, wrong. Because they both didn't know anything about her. Her mum had been her ally long before Amanda was born. Ages before Harvey came into her life and tore her away from her family.

"Donna."

Her eyes snapped open at the sound of his voice. He was standing next to her, hands clenched in nervous fists that were dangling beside his body. She couldn't remember a time when she'd seen him this lost.

"What's going on?"

She didn't know how to answer. He was asking too much and nothing at all at the same time.

"Why don't you ever talk about her? Why doesn't Amanda trust her?"

Donna scoffed.

"Please, help me understand what this is really about."

"Just go away, Harvey", she finally managed, unable to look him in the eyes. She knew she'd only see the hurt that her cold tone caused him reflecting in them.

"Not until you tell me what's going on here. And I don't only mean tonight."

Jesus Christ, he couldn't ever take the hint, could he?

She met his stubborn stare with ice cold dismissal and unnecessary sharpness. "What's going on is that my dear cousin has been trying to put a wedge between me and my family for years, and now she's got you on her side to do the same thing. So why don't you leave me the hell alone and I'll be fine."

For a moment, it looked like he was on the verge of tears, but then his posture changed, and she saw anger flickering up in his eyes like a sudden fire burning its way to the surface. "You know what, Donna? I'm so sick of your bullshit. You don't wanna tell me what's going on? Great. You wanna push me away because you still don't trust me more than your family? You want me to be done with you? Fine, I'm done. You can go screw yourself for all I care."

She didn't watch him leave but closed her eyes instead and pressed the back of her head against the uncomfortable wall, listening to his retreating steps.

Good job, she thought bitterly, beginning to shiver under the hard, merciless rain.

At least he was mad now.

At least him being mad was something she knew how to handle.

.

She ended up in a warehouse, unsure how she'd gotten there. She only knew that despite her facade and despite pushing Harvey away exactly like he'd said, she was falling apart slowly. She'd fallen apart after she turned, really, and had never managed to put herself back together after that. It was her becoming a vampire that had turned her into poison, unbearable to be around. And it was the hunger, she thought, that had driven her here. In a seemingly empty warehouse on a cold, dark November evening. She knew the pattern, she knew the reasoning.

After all, she had spent all her life hunting creatures like her.

Donna looked around, trying to see through the darkness. She could sense that someone was there. Even more so, she heard shallow breathing from the pitch-black corner at the other side of the room. She heard it through the steady drip of rain beside the cracked window, through the creaking wood of the buttress and through the noise of her own thoughts. If she'd have to guess, she'd think it was a homeless man looking for shelter. She looked inside herself for a moment, searching for a hint of a guilty conscience. A hint of remorse for what she was about to do. But there was nothing. Nothing but bland indifference and persistent hunger.

She shrugged the thought away like a nasty fly. She was here to eat, maybe enjoy the chase a little bit – she was a born and raised hunter after all – but mainly, she wanted to get on with it and go home. Donna thought of the people waiting for her there, in the Paulsen mansion or at the Pearson apartment, or in Amanda's house. All these places were filled with people who didn't trust her, at least not fully.

The person in the corner shifted. Donna's senses heightened, zeroing in on the small shadow that started spreading on the wall. The person fully stepped into the milky white moonlight at the next second and Donna's breath hitched. It was a boy, barely on the verge of adulthood. She took him in carefully, small arms and lean legs, dirty blonde hair and equally dirty feet. In his hands was the remainder of a bread.

"Please don't tell them, Miss", he said quickly, trying to hide the bread, his eyes widening when she made no move to approach him.

"What?", Donna asked hoarsely, thrown-off and with a persistent twist in her gut.

"You mustn't tell them", he said. "My safekeepers, they're out with the other children to get more food."

That certainly caught her attention. "Your safekeepers", she repeated. He looked down on his dirty, naked feet.

"They keep me safe and fed." Judging from the monotone voice, he'd said it a thousand times before. But there was a certain look in his eyes, a flicker of pure panic that alarmed her. She had heard of cases like this. Homeless children being picked up from the streets, lured in by the promise of security and belonging, the possibility of a stable home. In reality, the kids were used to steal or commit other small crimes, and any sign of disobedience led to them being almost beaten to death or starved for days. In even worse cases, they were groomed.

The twist in Donna's stomach turned into a tight, hot ball of fury. She stepped forward, seeking eye contact with the boy. "Tell me the truth", she ordered, and he proved to be no match against her compulsion.

"They take children who won't be missed."

"Do they beat you?"

"A lot."

Donna pushed a wave of nausea down. "How many of you are there?"

"In my group? Ten."

"All ages?"

"Yes."

"How many groups?"

"Six."

She breathed out. Sixty children. What she'd stumbled into, in a run-down warehouse outside the city, was nothing short of the main base for a group of child snatchers.

Before she could fully wrap her head around it or ask another question, the door she'd come through opened with a loud screech. Roughly a dozen adults stepped through, a horde of kids in between. The quiet whispers of the kids came to an abrupt stop when they saw Donna. The adults – seven men and four women in almost identical, worn clothing – eyed her suspiciously. The man up front reached for something in his pocket, undoubtedly a weapon.

"Evening, fellas", Donna said cheerfully. "Having a nice stroll around the city, stealing children?"

"Benny", the woman right next to the armed man hissed. She had coarse features and hard, unkind eyes. "Get over here."

Benny, the boy next to Donna, looked up at her, and now the panic in his eyes was in full bloom.

"Get behind me", Donna whispered. She'd compel the boy if she had to, but Benny followed suit and immediately withdrew into his corner.

Donna spread her arms mockingly, fuelled by arrogance and bright, hot anger. "Which one of you wants to have a go first?"

The child snatchers exchanged quick, confused glances. Then, the armed man stepped forward, a sly smile on his face. "Are you sure you know what you've gotten yourself into, doll?"

Donna smiled back. "Better than you do, that's for sure. You won't touch any of these children ever again."

He drew the gun from his pocket, now chuckling lowly. "Are you still confident now?"

Donna was only centimetres from his face in the next beat. "I am."

She fought him with a few, precise snaps of her hand. In the matter of seconds, he was crawling on the floor beneath her, gasping in pain. She'd come back to him later. Leaders were to be taken out last, so they could see their group erased, destroyed one by one until they had nothing left. Leaders were to be taken out last so they could witness their own destruction.

A second man stumbled forward with wide eyes, waving the cross he was wearing in her face. "This is sorcery!"

Donna rolled her eyes and approached.

"You must be a witch", he gasped. "Or possessed by Satan himself."

"Umm, no, I'm a vampire", she gave back dryly. He gasped, clutching his cross harder. "Oh, I'm sorry, did you want to keep guessing?"

He looked like he'd drop dead right in front of her out of sheer shock, so she grabbed his neck with an annoyed sigh and sank her teeth into his flesh.

It didn't take long for the rush to kick in. Time and reality tilted in front of her eyes. There was only one thought in her head, and that was her next victim. Taking them one by one, she was high on blood after mere minutes. She hadn't lost control like that since back when Stephen found her. The thought of him caused another wave of rage to sweep through her and she nearly tore the head off her next victim in her hurry to feed. She was somewhere between cold and shaking, between clean and violent.

She was pure destruction.

But for the last two, the rush, the pure chaos was joined by sharp control and precision. Because the last two left were the leaders. She took them apart slowly. She made them suffer like they never had before, as punishment for what they'd done. She killed the man first. She killed him when he started begging for mercy, disgusted by his pathetic pleas. The woman didn't beg. She stayed defiant until her last breath, no remorse in her stone-cold eyes and it made Donna so furious that she ripped her head off with her bare hands.

She didn't think about the kids until it was over and she looked around. They were all facing the wall, eyes shut, hands clasped firmly over their ears, humming the same melody over and over again.
It was Amazing Grace. A chill crept up her spine.
Benny and an older, tough looking girl had been the only two to watch the scene that took place behind them. The moment Donna met his stare, she couldn't look away again. It was when the realisation hit her. She hadn't done it for him. She hadn't done it for any of them. She'd done it for herself. Because of herself.

Because she knew the feeling of being trapped inside something beyond her control, she knew how circumstance and birth could damn a child to an existence it didn't ask for. She knew what it was like to be longing for a home and the only substitute was a place full of manipulation and forceful modelling into who they should be. She knew what it was like to be stripped off her free will from an early age. If this weren't about her, she wouldn't have exposed these children to the sight and sound of their tormentors being ripped apart by something they hadn't known existed. Something inhumane. She wouldn't have added up to their trauma by creating disturbing images and sounds that were the stuff of lifelong nightmares.

There was nothing but a loud, never-ending noise ringing in her head.

She didn't see Harvey until he was right next to the children. "You", he barked and if Donna wouldn't know him so well, she'd think he was completely unfazed by the situation in front of him. He pointed at Benny. "Get the kids out of here, right away. Keep them singing and don't let them turn around."

Benny threw one last glance at Donna, then he nodded and elbowed the girl next to him, the only other kid who'd seen everything. "Oi, Sam. You take the back; I'll go up front."

The children hurried out fast, still humming that damn song and headed straight into a fate unknown. A fate Donna had caused.

"What in God's name happened here, Donna?", Harvey whispered, and now the horror was evident in his voice.

"What does it look like?", she snapped back.

"It looks like you just annihilated the entire fucking place because you couldn't keep yourself in check."

"I freed these kids, Harvey", she said, kicking the head of the leader with her blood-drenched shoe and starting to wipe her face with her equally dirty sleeve. "They were child snatchers. They were abusing them."

"These kids", Harvey corrected, pointing at the door and raising his voice, "Just lost their home and any adult supervision they had left thanks to you. Where are they supposed to go now?"

Just like that, the anger was back. "You don't get to lecture me on this", she bit out through gritted teeth. "You don't know anything about this."

"What, like you do? As far as I know, you didn't grow up on the street, so why would you project your own fucked up family issues onto this?"

"I would advise you to stop talking now unless you're prepared for another fight. I don't even know what you're doing here. From what I remember, you told me to go fuck myself because you were done with me."

He took her in for a moment. Her bloody clothes, the torn sleeves and wild eyes. Her fangs. "You're right. I didn't end up here to lecture you. But you didn't end up here because you freed those kids, either. You ended up here, surrounded by the bodies you tortured and tore apart, because you've lost yourself."

Donna took a deep breath. Her emotions were sweeping through her, impossible to control. They went from anger to fear, only to settle on guilt and sorrow. "Something about this feels too close. I know it's crazy, but it felt personal. It felt—", she broke off. Her throat was tight.

Harvey came closer, careful not to overstep their new-set, strict boundaries. "I'm here", he said. All accusation had drained from his voice, and now there was nothing but gentle compassion. She let him close the distance, didn't push him away when his hand hesitantly started brushing over her hair.

It shouldn't mean anything to her. But it did. It meant so much more than she could ever tell him. Despite everything she'd done, he was still here, right by her side. No matter how often she pushed him away, he just kept coming back for her.

"It felt like I was the one stuck in this warehouse", she managed to get out. "I may not have been in the same position, but I know what it's like to be trapped and restricted. I know what it's like to be punished for not working properly. Like you're a soldier, born to obey."

Harvey was still careful, but his eyes were determent. "Maybe it's time to let go of that, Donna. Get out. This time for good. You're not bound to them anymore. You're free. Just say the word and we'll leave."

She looked up at him, shocked and touched by how easy he made it sound. For the first time in a long time, there was this feeling again, an inkling of what she had felt for him before she turned. The sureness she felt when her eyes met his, how she'd always known he'd drop anything and everything for her if she would ask for it.

Just like she'd always known that he would kiss her back if she kissed him.

"I would step away now if I were in your shoes, Mr. Specter."

Harvey spun around immediately, shielding Donna with his body. She was pretty sure he didn't even realise what he was doing; it was a pure reflex.

Neither James nor Owen Paulsen had Neil's natural charisma when they entered a room, but Harvey's heart still sank a considerable amount when he saw them at the door. James' eyes skipped from the numerous bodies on the floor to Harvey's clean suit and stopped at the sight of his daughter's bloody appearance. Owen's eyes were trained on Harvey.

"Father", Donna implored, stepping away from Harvey and holding up her hands. Her blood-drenched hands. "Please don't assume what you can't know."

"Assume?", James repeated disdainfully. "There's nothing to assume here. Harvey broke our agreement. Not only did he slaughter all of them", he gestured around wildly, almost delirious, "Just now, he tried to lure you away from us. Again."

"He made me an offer", Donna growled, and now there's was no diplomacy left in her voice. "I'm free to do whatever I please."

"I've been telling you this since you were old enough to speak: Once you are part of this family, there's no way out. Not even for you, Donna. You can't simply turn your back on us without facing the consequences. And if all it takes is just a splatter of attention from a childish man for you to question your loyalty, then maybe you were never part of this family in the first place."

"She was never worthy", Owen scoffed, almost spitting the words on the floor. "She's a greater disgrace than my own daughter. Can't you see the way she looks at him? I told you we should've gotten rid of her years ago. Not that I expected more from a woman."

Harvey saw Donna tense up and grabbed her arm. "Don't", he said quietly.

"Don't you dare touch her." James' face took on a deep shade of red. He shouldered his crossbow and approached the two vampires.

Harvey didn't back down. "Don't you dare take one step closer."

"If you don't kill him right now, I will", Owen said.

"He's mine. He's been mine since the moment he set eyes on Donna."

"Should've tried killing me earlier", Harvey quipped, an arrogant smile on his face. "You know, try and stab me in the back. At least that would've given you a fighting chance."

"Stop", Donna whispered, eyes closed and mind racing. She tried think of a way to deescalate the situation, something that would keep the body count to the amount that was already lying dead on the floor. The three men ignored her, too absorbed in their power struggle.

"Oh, I wanted to." Something almost bordering on insanity flickered in James Paulsen's eyes. "But what you don't understand, Harvey, is that our family has a code. We have honour. I had to wait for you to make a mistake, break the terms of our agreement. But with Jessica around and the short leash she kept you on, it was impossible to catch you in the act. Until now, it seems."

"It does seem so, doesn't it?"

"Stop it", Donna repeated, harsher this time. "Let me do this, Donna", Harvey warned.

"Just shut up and let me think."

James glanced at her. "I taught you better than to defend this animal."

"He's not— "

"He's a vampire. We don't reason with them, we don't talk to them, we don't even look them in the eye except for when we have to kill them."

"Father, listen to me— "

"I'm done listening to you!"

"He's innocent!", Donna yelled, the desperation almost causing her to tear up. She felt any remaining control over the situation slipping through her fingers.

"He's not innocent, Donna", her father hissed. "He's a vampire. He's an abomination."

"So am I."

Donna's voice echoed through the room as Harvey's stomach dropped.

There was a long, terrible pause.

"What?" James whisper was nothing more than a shaky exhalation.

"I am a vampire, dad. And this?", she gestured through the room, her eyes staying on the dead bodies for just a second, "This was my doing, not his."

Harvey let out a deep sigh, and maybe it was his reaction that convinced James of the truth of Donna's statement. Of course he must've known the moment he'd stepped into the room, at least subconsciously, since Donna was the one covered in blood, not Harvey. He took a step back, shaking his head.

"I knew it", her uncle said lowly. "I knew she was rotten to the core."

Donna bit her lip, concentrating on her father who was looking at her like she was the embodiment of the antichrist. "I've been one for six years."

James shook his head again, unable to speak. Owen was circling around them, bow in hand, ready to attack. Harvey didn't leave him out of his sight until Donna started shaking beside him.

She didn't know what reaction she expected, but the complete silence was worse than harsh words. It was worse than a physical punishment or being called a monster. Her own father looked at her like he couldn't recognise her anymore, and what hurt the most was the outright disgust written all over his face. It pushed her to raise her voice again. "Please say something."

More silence.

More of her uncle rotating and Harvey's eyes switching from him to Donna and back.

Then,

"Did you turn her?"

It took Harvey a beat to realise that James was addressing him and not Donna. He desperately tried to get his thoughts in order, but in the end, there was only one thing his instincts allowed him to do. Protect them. Protect them both.

Thinking of Jessica, he nodded slowly.

Donna's eyes widened. "Wait— "

"Without her consent?"

Harvey swallowed. "Yes."

"Harvey, no, what the hell are you— "

She was cut off by her father, who pulled a stake out of his coat and tackled Harvey to the ground so quickly that the vampire let out a surprised grunt. "I'm going to kill you."

There were quick, punishing arms grabbing her wrist, a knife slicing into her shoulder and burning handcuffs trapping her arms together behind her back. Owen had always been equally brutal and efficient, but Donna had never been on the other end of it – at least not like this. She fought back like a caged animal, her fangs pushing their way back out of her mouth which only seemed to further James' anger.

"You did this to her", he screamed, his face almost unrecognisable from rage and pain. His stake pinned Harvey's right hand to the dirty floor and gave him enough time to take his crossbow and shoot a second, smaller stake straight into his neck.

The sight of him lying on the ground like this, ready to surrender to her father's mercy, suddenly made the choice Donna was faced with very easy. She remembered all the times she fought with Harvey over that exact choice, how she'd thrown in his face more than once that he was the reason she was at odds with her family, that his actions put her in a position where she couldn't have both. But now, restrained by her uncle who was ready to kill her and on the verge of losing Harvey who wouldn't risk hurting, let alone killing her father to save his skin, she recognised that it had always been her and her indecisiveness that led her into this mess in the first place.

She had made her choice years ago and just hadn't been ready to face the consequences until this very moment. Choosing Harvey and Jessica didn't just mean turning her back on the Paulsen clan. It meant being their enemy.

It meant war.

A scream, fuelled by all the hatred and desperation that'd build its way inside of her over the years left her mouth when she snapped her head back with as much force as she could and headbutted her uncle. A second scream escaped her when she ripped the iron handcuffs – which were undoubtedly laced with blackthorn – in two pieces and whirled around to kick him against his chest. The power behind her kick caused him to fly a considerable distance before he came to a slithering halt on the floor, twisting in pain.

"Harvey," she didn't even care how desperate her voice sounded, one look at him was enough to forget everything else around her. Shoving her father off him, she pulled the stake out of his neck with a swift motion of her hand.

"The other one," Harvey gasped, spitting out a swell of blood.

Donna nodded, wincing at his cry when she ripped the second stake out of his hand. "Feed on one of them," she told him, gesturing to the bodies they were surrounded by, "I have to take care of—"

"Behind you," Harvey yelled, and she turned around immediately, ducking her head to escape her uncle's next attack.

They exchanged a few merciless stares, and Donna knew there was no way around this.

No going back.

Silently thanking Harvey and Jessica for insisting that she had to keep training, she had her injured uncle trapped against the wall in no time.

"Killing me won't save you from what's coming for you," he told her, something gleeful and insane flickering up in his eyes. The flicker didn't disappear, not when she landed a precise punch below his stomach (that one was for everything he'd ever said to Adam), not when she broke every single one of his fingers (that was for all the times he'd hit her as a child for 'misbehaving'), not when he managed to fight back and twist his last stake into her chest, too weak to do any real damage. She retaliated by forcing him on his knees with a couple of punches straight to his face (that one was for Amanda and all he did to her, and it still felt too merciful). Her hands, only slightly shaking, wrapped around his head.

"I know you never favoured praying, Uncle Owen. But now might be a good time to start; I doubt it's nice wherever you're going."

He grinned at her, teeth full of blood, and opened his mouth to say something back. Donna snapped his neck in one swift, brutal motion. The noise thundered through the empty warehouse like a gunshot, followed by a heavy silence.

She took a moment to stare down at the lifeless body of her uncle, the man who had tormented her and Amanda, the only person in her family that she loved unconditionally, for all of their lives. Donna wished she would feel more satisfaction, having finally defeated him, but the scars wouldn't disappear just because he wasn't able to hurt her anymore. The trauma certainly wouldn't disappear just because he was dead.

Slowly coming down from her adrenaline rush – her hands were properly shaking now – Donna started to notice the world around her again. Where she was, what she had done.

Who was in a room with her.

She didn't have to turn around to know that her father, weakened and being held down by Harvey, had seen everything.

No going back, she reminded herself.

Tearing her eyes away from the corpse, she glanced over to the middle of the room. Harvey was staring right back at her, his foot on her father's throat.

James Paulsen's eyes were lifeless, but not because he was dead. It was because of what she'd done.

After a quick jerk of Donna's head, Harvey lifted his foot and stepped aside, giving her the room she needed.

James sat up slowly, silently. He didn't look at her.

She tried calling him, but no sound left her hoarse throat.

He stood up, face twisted by pain. At least one of his ribs was broken and his right arm didn't look so good, either.

"Dad," she could still barely speak. "You should go. I don't want to do this to you, too. But I will if you don't leave."

"What have you become?", he whispered, and Donna couldn't tell if the tears in his eyes were out of anger and disgust or sadness and grief.

"Go. Now."

"You will pay for this," he said, and then he ran for his life without looking back.

Donna collapsed on the ground immediately.

Harvey was next to her a beat later, his fingers lightly grazing her shoulder like he didn't dare to touch her properly. It was probably better that he didn't.

Her mind was racing, had been racing since she took her first step into the warehouse. The control she'd been holding on to ever since she met Stephen had been her lifeline. Controlling herself, the people around her, the life around her, had been desperately needed to keep her upright. Without it, there was just chaos. Swirling, messy, emotional chaos, nothing but turmoil and feelings she never asked for and urges she couldn't keep in check unless she kept everything else in check, too.

The net of control and calculation she had spun, the one that had kept her going for years, had just collapsed right in front of her eyes, but even worse so, it'd collapsed inside of her as well. And she was done pointing the finger at anyone else, done with shifting the blame to Harvey or Jessica or the Paulsens, because she was centre of it all. This was her mess and although she had no idea how to fix it, she'd have to start trying somewhere.

Starting with Harvey.

Harvey, who had just refused to kill her father, even if it woud have meant dying right there on the spot.

Harvey, who had taken the blame for turning her, even though Donna had been the one asking him to do it and Jessica had actually gone through with it.

Harvey, who was looking at her with something close to everlasting patience and calm severity.

She wanted to embrace him and never let go.

She wanted to lose herself in him until she couldn't tell them apart anymore.

She wanted to kiss him, just once more.

She pushed against his chest instead. "Why did you just do that?", she asked, as bewildered as he was by her sudden strength, even if she was still kneeling on the floor. "Why did you say it was you who turned me? Have you lost your mind?"

His brows furrowed, confused that this was the first thing on her mind after what'd just happened. "He was either gonna come after me or you, Donna, what did you expect?"

"So you choose me?!"

Harvey tried to understand why she seemed so mad. "Did you not listen to me? It was you or me. As far as I'm concerned, there wasn't any choice to make."

Donna swallowed, unable to find any words to answer. Her throat was dry and tight.

His eyes moved over her face carefully. It was so intense that it felt like a caress with is his hands and Donna felt a blush creeping up on her cheeks. He cleared his throat and said, "Besides, Jessica saved my worthless ass so many times, it was time to do the same for her."

"They'll come for you."

A mixture of anger and excitement lit up his brown eyes. "Let them."

Donna wasn't sure if he fully understood the consequences of what they'd just done. If he knew that what happened here tonight wouldn't be considered the cause, but still the initiator of a war that was so much bigger than them.

"No more hiding. No more alliances. They won't just come for you, they're gonna come for all of us."

He nodded, their gazes still interlocked. "You know what that means, right?"

"I do", she said, a little out of breath. She wasn't sure if it was fear or excitement, but it felt so close to the way it did before she was turned that she took a moment to relish in it.

"We're at war. We need Jessica. And we have to leave New York. Tonight."

.

---

'Cause this is torturous

Electricity between both of us

And this is dangerous 'cause I want you so much

But I hate your guts

I hate you

---

New York, today

.

The night passed in a blur. Harvey didn't remember going home. He was pretty sure he hadn't. He was pretty sure he'd spent the night roaming the city, wandering around aimlessly in search for something that made sense, because his life didn't anymore.

He felt overwhelmed.

For a century, he'd thought she was dead.

He'd mourned her.

He'd fallen apart for decades, over nothing.

She'd come back.

She hated him.

He hated her.

He hated her so much he could barely breathe sometimes.

She'd betrayed them.

Sold them out.

Sold him out.

And he had kissed her.

Despite everything she had done to him, everything she kept doing to him, he'd kissed her, and there was no way he would've stopped if she hadn't.

He hated himself even more than he hated her.

He tried to kill the feeling. Any feeling, really, without having to turn it all off. All night he tried to kill it, but it was persistent, pulsating through him like acid, poisoning him from inside.

It was part of him by now.

She was under his skin and no matter what he did, he couldn't get rid of her.

But he tried.

All night, he tried.

.

The next morning passed in a blur, too.

He showered at Mike and Rachel's place, because it was close by. Somehow, he'd ended up there, trying to steady his breathing when he stepped over the threshold.

This was Amanda's home.

This would always be Amanda's home to him.

This would always be home to him.

They didn't ask any questions, just let him in.

Mike lent him one of his suits.

Harvey took one look at the cheap fabric and decided he'd rather wear his used suit than touch the awfully plain looking grey vest laid out in front of him.

He went to work in yesterday's clothes and with a persistent headache pounding against his temple. Went into Jessica's office like he did every morning. Pretended to listen to what she had to say, nodded, and just turned around, headed for his own office.

He didn't even realise Jessica came after him until he turned around and almost crashed into her.

She stretched out her hand, gesturing him into his desk chair. "Drink."

The blood bag she handed him didn't just clear the fog in his mind. It felt like it revived him, made every cell in his body come alive.

"I needed that", he admitted when he was done, feeling saner but still avoiding her questioning gaze. Now that he could think clearly, he was painfully aware of his weird behaviour from before.

"I can see that", Jessica said. Her eyes were burning holes into the back of his head. "Did you forget to feed last night?"

"Apparently." Harvey winced, immediately knowing that it was the wrong thing to say.

"Apparently?", she repeated. "What are you, a newbie?"

"It's not even noon yet, can you lay off a bit?"

Jessica sighed. "I wish I could."

Harvey tried to steel himself for the conversation that was about to come. He suddenly felt very uncomfortable in this room. Things happened in this room. His eyes quickly dropped to the table.

Yeah, he was not ready for this.

"We should talk about Donna."

"Let's not", Harvey replied sarcastically, but his uneasiness was right under the surface, ready to break out.

"We need to decide what to do."

"I don't wanna talk about this."

"Well, you're gonna have to."

"Well", Harvey mimicked her berating tone. "I'm not going to."

"Harvey."

"Not today."

Jessica paused, frowning. "What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Why are you so… stiff?"

"It's nothing."

"Huh." Jessica eyed him sceptically, not buying a single word he was saying. Something happened. He seemed like he couldn't wait to be away from her. But she had seen him a few minutes ago in her office and while he had been distracted then, it didn't compare to his uneasy behaviour now. She opted for a more private atmosphere and went to close the glass door. He winced again, almost violently.

"What?"

"Will you just leave me alone, please?"

"Not until you tell me what's going on."

Harvey didn't answer. He was way too occupied with keeping certain vivid images out of his head. Images of the last person that closed his door. Because he practically smashed her against it, pinned her against it, almost crushing her with his weight while his hands shamelessly went all over her body because after all this time, he could finally touch her, after all this waiting he could finally—

He furiously shook his head, forbidding himself to connect every inch of this room with what happened last night. When he looked up, he saw Jessica watching him with a mixture of confusion and amusement.

"Harvey."

He closed his eyes. "Jessica."

She sighed. She was too sober for this shit. Spotting his scotch on the round glass table, she made her way to it and was about to grab one of the glasses when she heard him inhale sharply.

"What's the matter with you today?"

"It's not even 11am and you want to start drinking?"

"It's not even 11am and you're behaving like the weirdest freak I have ever seen?", she shot back, her left hand leaning on the small table.

"For the love of god, could you just not… touch anything please?", he suddenly cried out and she turned around to look at him, baffled.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Nothing, just, get yourself a coffee and sit on the sofa. Or anywhere else. Just not there. Just consider this a no-go zone today." He gestured towards the area next to the door.

What on earth was he doing? Jessica asked herself, for a moment sincerely thinking that he might've gone insane. His eyes were roaming the room like—

Oh.

It wasn't her. It was the room. That's why he was acting like a maniac. He couldn't stand being in his own office. He couldn't stand her closing the door or even going near the table because…

Jessica chuckled, a blend between honest amusement and absolute desperation. She'd known they wouldn't be able to keep their hands off each other forever. But now? In the office? Seriously? How cliched could they possibly be? And the timing was the worst, too.

"What are you laughing at?", Harvey barked, as stressed out as she had rarely ever seen him.

She smirked at him. If he was hellbent on making the situation even worse than it already was, she'd at least give him shit for it. It would probably be the only good thing happening to her for the rest of the week. "Nothing. Just admiring your office. It seems to glow even more than usual today, don't you think? Where's Donna by the way? Long night?"

"Get out."

"Has she come yet?"

Harvey's eyes widened at the flat double meaning of her question while Jessica laughed out wholeheartedly.

"I meant has she come to work already, you sick son of a bitch."

She was in the mood to keep this going for a while, but when she saw the murderous look on his face, she decided to leave the poor man be for now so that he could wrestle with his memories.

"Alright, I'm out of here, tell Donna I said hi. And get a room next time."

Harvey flipped her off as she walked away, still laughing.

She couldn't believe they were still behaving like a couple of teenagers.

If only the rest of their relationship were that easy.

And if only the fallout of their actions were as hilarious as the actions themselves.

.

This day was torture.

Partly because Mike would not stop bugging him.

Partly because Louis had introduced Harvey to his new cat.

Mainly because Donna was nowhere to be found.

.

Donna escaped Salem's path with a quick swing of her hips, taking a moment to smile to herself. Louis really brought his cat to work. His pitch black, magical cat that was almost as annoyingly curious as he was.

Harvey would hate it.

Her smile dropped and she took a deep breath, knocking against the glass door in front of her.

Rachel, who had been fully immersed in a stack of files, looked up and smiled. "Donna Paulsen, how may I help you?"

She went from teasing to serious in the blink of an eye when she saw the look on her friend's face. "Okay, what the hell happened last night?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, Harvey appeared on our doorstep at seven in the morning, looking like he'd spent the entire night contemplating his life decisions and even Mike felt too bad to annoy him. He showered at our house for god's sake."

Donna closed her eyes, fighting the urge to lie.

Lying was what got her into this mess in the first place. Closing Rachel's door, she said, "I kissed him."

"You what?!"

"Or he kissed me. I'm actually quite sure he made the first step."

"Donna…"

"But it's not like I did anything to stop him, at least not until he almost— ", she stopped herself. No, some things were too soon for her to reveal. Some things felt too raw, too shameful to ever reveal to anyone.

Rachel took a moment to watch her friend, all tense and pained. "I don't understand the two of you… on the one hand, you seem so connected. It's like you can never make a single step without the other, like you could never let each other go. On the other hand, you are both so hellbent on insisting that you don't mean anything to each other, and you keep hurting the other to prove it."

Donna stayed silent. Rachel had hit a nerve, verbalised something Donna always kept at the back of her mind, pushing it away far enough so she wouldn't have to face what it meant. What it said about her and Harvey.

What it said about her as a person.

Rachel seemed to take Donna's silence as disapproval because she began fidgeting with the pen in her hand. "Sorry, I just—I don't get it. Maybe I don't know enough, maybe if I'd been there as long as Jessica has— "

Donna scoffed.

Rachel's eyes snapped up, curious but hesitant.

"I'm not sure anyone gets it, not even Jessica. Definitely not me or Harvey." She sat down on the other side of the table, drumming her fingertips on the underside of the glass for a moment. Just saying it out loud made her feel vulnerable. She wasn't used to open herself up like this; the only people she'd ever let in as much betrayed her or paid the price for it.

Donna swallowed, pushing the thought away. "Back when I first met him, he didn't just walk into it like he belong there, he crashed into my world and turned it upside down. Nothing was ever the same. There's so much history between us, it makes it hard to look at him sometimes. I don't really know how to handle it. How do you treat someone that caused you enough pain to last several lifetimes, but on the other hand he's the only one you ever— ", she licked her lips, interrupting herself. Judging from the look on Rachel's face, she knew what almost slipped out anyway.

"It just feels heavy", Donna went on after a while. "There are a lot of different emotions at play when it comes to him, but they all feel too heavy to bear. It kills me."

"But if you kissed", Rachel cut in gently, as if she was walking on eggshells, "Doesn't that make some of these emotions good? Or clearer, at least?"

Slowly, Donna shook her head. "I hit him", she whispered, so ashamed her voice was nearly breaking. "I hit him and ran."

Rachel's voice held no accusation, let alone judgement, and Donna was thankful for it. "Why did you do that?"

"He—he almost—", a sob broke out of Donna's lips, strangled and involuntary. Her hand went up to the part where her collarbone met her chest. Rachel was next to her in the blink of an eye, a soft hand on her friends' shoulder, the other on her back. Donna was almost surprised that she found it comforting and not invasive.

"It's okay. Whatever it is, it's okay."

It wasn't okay. Nothing about that had ever felt even remotely okay. But it was a topic Donna simply couldn't talk about. It was like re-opening a wound that was barely stitched up and each time she so much as scratched at it, she felt like she was losing a part of her soul. Donna tried calming her breath, smiling up at the witch with teary eyes.

"I'm sorry to unload all of that on you. I'm just scared to face him after last night and you were the only one I could go to."

"I'm glad you came here", Rachel insisted. Her voice was thick, too. She blamed the pregnancy hormones. "I will always be at your side when you need me, Donna. We're family."

Donna bit her lip so hard it started bleeding. She had no time to fall apart, not if she wanted to leave the office eventually. And she knew she had to. She knew she had to face Harvey. She'd messed things up, again. "He's not gonna forgive me this time."

All joy drained out of Rachel's eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. He has no reason to. We fought last night because Jessica and he found out what I did. What I told you last night when I came over."

Rachel frowned. "I'm still trying to wrap my head around some of that. All the shit you three went through together, you'd think they would be able to look past something you did when you barely knew them."

"I don't believe it's what I did, it's that I hid it from them, played both sides for years. Harvey values loyalty above anything else; it's why Jessica chose him to mentor centuries ago. From his view, I betrayed his trust, and then when he kissed me I…", she rubbed her hands over her forehead. "Let's just say I could've handled it better. When he's hurt, he tends to lash out. Violently. What if this will destroy all we've build over the last few months? What if I ruined everything?"

Two hands cupped her face, forced her to meet her friend's stubborn gaze. "I will not turn my back on you, come what may."

"You might not see it like that if you knew the entire story. If you knew all I've done. It's not like either of us – Harvey or I – deserves anyone's forgiveness."

"I don't care. I may not know every detail of your past, but I don't have to in order to know you. And I love you, Donna. You are going to be an amazing aunt, an amazing godmother to my daughter, and I just want you to have something to fight for."

Daughter. A girl. A small smile crept up on Donna's face as her hand reached out to rest on Rachel's belly. "I do."

The baby kicked against her hand and it was like something broke and mended inside of Donna at the same time.

"For you, I will keep fighting until the end. Until I have nothing left."

.

Harvey watched the sunset that evening. He watched the sky bleed from yellow into orange and red, almost fascinated by what it did to his chest. It was a sudden déjà vu to months ago, right before she'd come back. It was almost ironic how the feeling of grief had barely changed since then. In a way, he was still mourning her. In a way, he'd been mourning her ever since she turned into a vampire.

He wasn't surprised when Jessica came up behind him.

"I want to settle this", she murmured and strangely, she sounded like she was mourning, too.

"You want to settle this tonight", he corrected her and sighed when she gave him a sharp nod.

"Do you trust me?"

Another nod.

"Do you respect me enough to let me handle this myself?"

"Can you handle this yourself?"

He hesitated. The red and pink parts of the sky began to fade into purple, making way for something darker. Something that would last longer.

"I can promise that there won't be a fight. Nothing physical, at least. But it's something that I must do, and I must do it alone."

"I wish you wouldn't." The grief in her voice was gone. Now there was outright desperation. "I wish you would stop hurting each other. If you would just… stop, we could finally have a chance to make things last."

"Make what last, exactly?" He wasn't trying to rile her up, he was genuinely curious. "What's so worth saving here? How are Mike, Rachel and Louis that different from all the others we've met. Why should Donna be worthy of being forgiven for everything?"

"Because we love her."

"That's not an excuse."

"No, it's an explanation."

Harvey shook his head. "It's not enough. At some point, it's just not enough anymore. And I know there's another reason why you keep fighting for her, something I don't see and that I wish you would tell me."

For the first time in ages, he saw Jessica swaying. His words were affecting her. Maybe if he'd continue pushing, she would–

"I'm sorry." It was her voice that cut in. Of course it was. "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"And yet, here you are. Again."

Their eyes locked and Harvey could see that Donna thought the same thing. She'd gone back to the night she came back as well.

He felt a pressure on his shoulder where Jessica's hand met the fabric of his suit. She didn't need to say anything; he didn't even have to look at her to understand.

He nodded, and she left.

Donna clasped her hands together until her fingers hurt. "We should talk."

Harvey scoffed. "Sure, I can't wait what you have to say."

"Can we have a conversation that doesn't end with you insulting, attacking, or trying to kill me?"

"Why don't you give it shot? Who knows, if I hold my tongue for long enough, yours might end up down my throat again."

Every single word of his was like a knife thrown in her direction and it made her want to retaliate.

"You kissed me Harvey, not the other way around," she said, fully aware that it was unfair. It was impossible to know which one of them started it last night, it had just happened to quickly and it'd come from both sides, anyway.

"Yeah, well you weren't complaining last night when you had your legs wrapped around me and practically begged me to fuck you right there on the table."

He couldn't even blame her for hitting him again.

He knew he deserved it this time.

"You disgust me", she hissed.

"That feeling goes both ways", he shot back.

"So there's nothing else to discuss, then."

"Guess not."

She was shaking with anger and guilt, a dangerous mixture that pushed her to say the next thing. "I know what I did is unforgivable."

He threw her a glance so hateful it was like he sliced her chest right open.

"But I'm not gonna let you bully me because I'm afraid you might kick me out. So if that's what you want, then go ahead."

"You wanna know what I want?" Harvey took a step forward, his eyes bright with anger and she hated how it made her want to touch him again, how this wave of want swept through her, tied to her anger and frustration as it always seemed to be. Like these emotions were meant to be connected to each other and not just some sick outcome of their relationship being the way it was.

"I want you…", he made a deliberate pause and tilted his head, his eyes travelling up and down her frame without his usual restraint, and she almost scoffed at his attempt to intimidate her. She closed the distance between them as a way to meet his challenge and for a brief moment, it seemed like a repeat of the night before. For a moment, he came so dangerously close that she felt his breath on her lips. For a moment, the flicker in his eyes told her everything that his mouth would never say, because he was a coward and she didn't deserve to hear it anyway.

He met her stare when he finished his sentence, "— to get the hell out of his room. I want you to get into that elevator, go downstairs and leave the building. I want you to leave this city, hell I want you to leave this entire fucking country. But most of all…"

He still hadn't backed down, but now their closeness felt like a deliberate move to hurt her even more, like a mockery of how they used to be; how they could've been if it weren't for her. He put his hands on her shoulders and his touch felt like silver burning its way through her skin.

"Most of all, I never want to see your face again."

Donna only realised she was crying when she stumbled back and took a shaky breath in. Her sight went blurry as she tried to make her way out of his office, his firm, his life. For the first time, she fully grasped how devastated he must've felt when she left him on that road right after she had turned, her words ringing in his head and her decision dropped into his lap. And she knew, now more than ever, that this was the fate she had always deserved.

.

Jessica was waiting for her in the lobby and Donna didn't know what surprised her more: the fact that she was there or the naked, undamped compassion in her eyes. It made her look softer, less like the unwavering powerhouse she was and more like an actual human being that was about to do something she didn't want to do.

"Donna."

"You're firing me."

Jessica raised her brows. "What?"

"I know that look. You're cutting me off, kicking me out. You know Harvey won't forgive me that easily and you can't allow any infighting while Neil is circling around and Rachel's baby is on the way."

"I wish things were different", Jessica admitted, "But your actions have left me no choice. It'd be better if you leave this place for a while."

"I understand."

"I'm trying to protect this family."

"I know you are." Donna exhaled and gave Jessica a sad smile. "I'd do the same thing in your position. I just hope you know that I never meant to hurt you or Harvey in any of this."

"I do."

Jessica hesitated for a beat, but then she gently wrapped her hand around Donna's arm. "I'm so sorry, Donna."

A tear slipped out of Donna's eye. "It's okay. I'm used to being alone, right?"

"I will fix this for you. Harvey will see your side and he will change his mind about you. And then you can come back where you belong."

Donna nodded.

Jessica could see in her eyes that she didn't believe her.

"Donna", she repeated desperately, making the other woman turn around on her way out. "I promise. I give you my word."

"I appreciate that, Jessica."

"Listen." Jessica cupped her cheek, and it was such an unusually gentle and motherly gesture that something inside Donna cracked open and let her tears start flowing freely. Jessica pressed her trembling lips together before she was able to go on. "I can't fight Harvey on this because he is right. You did betray us, you did lie. His anger is valid, and I can't turn my back on him for that."

Donna nodded sharply.

Jessica swallowed, and now her eyes were filled with tears as well. "But I forgive you. No matter what he says, no matter how unworthy you feel, you are part of this family. You matter. You matter to me, you matter to them and we will always be here when you need us. I'll protect them while you can't, but that doesn't mean we don't want you back. Hey", she said sternly when Donna tried to escape her eyes. "I need you to hear this and remember it, okay? You are important, you belong with us and I will not stop fighting for you, no matter what. I owe it to you to make this right. Do you hear me?"

This time, Donna's nod was slow.

"Promise me you'll reach out and tell me where you are."

Donna cleared her throat. "I promise. I don't deserve it, but I promise."

Jessica tapped her cheek twice before letting her go. "Good. Then I'll hear from you soon. And we'll see each other again."

"I can't thank you enough for this", Donna whispered, and then she disappeared as quickly as she could, leaving Jessica in the empty lobby of a building that suddenly felt a lot less like home without her.

.

Life moved on without Donna, even if time seemed to be standing still. Jessica's network of sources all said the same thing: the second Donna had left town, Neil had followed her. Harvey didn't know where, and if it weren't for Rachel's steadily growing stomach, he would've been convinced that he was reliving the same day over and over again. He was surrounded by disappointment and never-ending tries to soften him up again, but he managed to resist even Jessica's relentless berating.

He wrote one more piece for his drawer, promising himself that it would be the last one and letting go for good when he locked it away, but she was as present in his mind as ever. Rachel sat him down every single day to tell him where Donna was, or – if they didn't know for sure – where they guessed she would be headed next. He tried not to listen and that was why it took him embarrassingly long to understand that she was going to the places on their list again.

He didn't tell anyone. He knew it would help keeping track of her, but he didn't want to give them even the slightest bit of hope that he was still interested in anything involving her.

Because he wasn't.

That part of him was dead, buried. No matter how many long, hard looks he got from Rachel, no matter how much Louis fought with him because he wanted her to come back, no matter how often Mike tried to get him to talk about it, no matter how much stronger Jessica's impatience and irritation grew the longer he stayed silent.

He pushed her office door open with a sigh, preparing himself for a discussion that would end the same way it had since Donna left.

Jessica was on the phone and hesitated for just a beat when she saw Harvey. "Yeah", she said quietly into the phone while gesturing him to sit down. "I don't think he knows yet, you might have another day or two before you should move again."

Harvey faltered, already halfway into his seat. His heart started beating, knowing who was on the other end of the line. He could use his vampire hearing to eavesdrop. It wouldn't even take much effort, he'd just concentrate on the conversation and he would hear her voice again. He pressed his nails in the inside of his palm instead, his eyes meeting Jessica's. She nodded slowly. "Yes, he just came in, why— of course."

She didn't need to say it out loud, Harvey knew what had given him away. His heartbeat. There was no doubt Donna could hear it.

"I don't think so", Jessica said now, frowning. "But yes, we should finish this later. And Donna— "

Harvey hated how his hand twitched at the sound of her name.

"— take care of yourself." Jessica hung up with a serious look in her eyes.

"So", Harvey said coldly, "You and Donna are talking?"

"We're staying in contact, yes."

"Every day?"

"Does that bother you?"

"Given the fact that she sold us out twice? Yeah, little bit", Harvey bit back sarcastically.

"You sound like you care."

"I don't."

"Right."

He rubbed his face tiredly. "Did you just order me in here to bicker? Because if so, I'd like to go back to work."

"You never wanna go back to work."

"Jessica."

She gave him a long look. "I think I found out who the rat is."

"What does Louis have to do with anything?"

He could see that she was trying really hard to hold back a laugh. "Louis is not a rat."

"And yet somehow, he reminds me of one."

"Can I get back to my point?"

"Please do, I'm on the edge of my seat already."

"What I meant was, I have a suspicion who leaked the information of our location to Neil."

Harvey's eyes went from sparkling with humour to stone cold so quickly she'd almost have missed it if she hadn't seen it coming. "We know who leaked the information."

Jessica shook her head firmly. "You're not listening to me, I'm saying there's a mole in this fir— "

"Donna was the mole", he insisted. "Just like she was when we first met her."

"We don't know that."

"Yes, we do", he fired back, trying to keep himself under control despite the anger boiling inside him again. "And if that's all you have to tell me, I'd rather leave."

"I want her back."

The sudden silence was heavy.

Then, "No."

"Rachel is preparing her bachelorette party and she wants Donna here for that."

"Then tell her to cancel it."

"Don't be childish."

"Childish?" He couldn't help it, he leapt out of his chair to stare down at her with furious eyes and a raised voice. "She screwed us over god knows how many times, she put us all in harm's way because she couldn't handle her family's bullshit, a mess she made, on her own. She put Rachel and her b— "

Jessica was in front of his face in the blink of an eye, slapping her hand on his mouth harshly. Harvey furrowed his brows, his anger now mixing with confusion. "What the hell", he muffled against her hand.

"Did I or did I not tell you there's a goddamn mole in this firm", she hissed into his ear. "If Neil finds out about Rachel, he's going to come right back."

Harvey yanked her hand away and scoffed. "Neil is too busy chasing Donna across the globe to care. And honestly, good riddance to both of them."

"You still underestimating the damage he can do borders on insane foolishness", she said. "I taught you better than that."

"You know what, Jessica? Why don't you just fuck off and stay out of my life."

"You better watch your mouth. You're letting your feelings cloud your judgement again and you damn well know it."

"My— ", he took a breath. "After all she's done, you have the audacity to stand here and accuse me of having feelings for her?"

"You kissed her." It was a statement, not a question, and he hated it. He hated how weak it made him feel.

Harvey could feel the blood draining from his face. "You weren't there."

"I didn't have to be to know that's what happened. And I would've never brought it up if it wouldn't affect your sanity as much as it clearly has. You're spiralling, Harvey, you have been since that night."

"You. Weren't. There", he repeated, now barely gritting it through his teeth.

"But she was. And she will come back for the wedding, whether you like it or not."

He licked his lips. He didn't need to see his reflection in the window to know they looked pale and dry, like the rest of his face. "I'd rather set the entire wedding on fire than ever be in the same room with her again."

Jessica's face hardened. "That's not funny."

"It wasn't meant to be."

"Okay, this needs to stop. This entire obsession with vengeance, like that would somehow change what happened or make you feel less hurt, or make you forget who she is to you. Because you keep switching back and forth between completely idolising or demonising her and I am telling you, it has got to stop. For my sake, for hers and most of all, for yours."

"What exactly did you expect from me when she came waltzing back into our lives, Jessica?", Harvey yelled, and now there was something raw in his voice, something desperate and cracked. He felt like he couldn't breathe but tried to push past it. "It was like a bombshell was dropped into my lap, I have my first fucking panic attack since the 50s, and next thing I know you hire her as my secretary without asking for my permission. What result did you expect?"

She had started approaching him the moment he'd mentioned his panic attack, like something inside her clicked, put the pieces together, and now she was there, firmly gripping his shoulders. "Look at me", she said, stern and soft at the same time.

His eyesight was blurry, his pulse racing. There was a swirling darkness, so achingly familiar he almost wanted to welcome it like an old friend, a panic he knew so well it was like it had never left.

He was drowning.

Drowning in panic. Drowning in darkness and pain. In his thoughts, those who were so loud they themselves drowned out almost everything.

Almost.

Because he could still hear her voice getting through to him, he could always hear her voice when she talked him through it. He could sense her presence no matter how deeply he was drowning, no matter if his lungs and knees gave out or not. There was this one thing in his life that was real, no matter how strong the storm was.

She was his rock.

She touched his face. "Look at me", she said again.

She was his anchor.

Harvey saw her come back into focus in front of him, like a puzzle piecing its way back together once the panic started to fade a little bit.

She was his lifeline.

"Can you see me?"

He nodded.

"Okay. Imagine we're back in the 50s. What do we do next?"

Harvey knew what she was talking about right away. "The first five in your head", she ordered.

My dad, he counted. My mum. Marcus. Adam. Amanda.

"Adelia", he whispered quietly, like in a trance. Their faces flashed in front of his eyes.

They always did.

Jessica's hand tightened in his for the next part.

It always did.

"Arthur. Archie. Donna." He faltered, and she thought he was gonna correct himself, but instead he added a name to the list; a new one.

"Scottie", he finished, breathing out almost evenly and opening his eyes. And there was Jessica, unwavering, unshaken by his falling apart. And she waited until he nodded before stepping back and letting him fall on her white couch. She sat down next to him after a moment, nudging a glass of water into his hand.

"How many since Donna left?"

It was the one topic he'd never dare skirting around. "Usually one every day."

"What pattern?"

"None." He clenched his jaw. "They happen when they happen. Which makes it harder to control them."

"You're not supposed to control them, you're supposed to let me help you."

He bit his lip, trying his hardest not to tear up. "You know, it's my fault they're back. I was the one who— " He breathed out again, taking a sip of water. "I wanted her to go, she's gone. The fallout is my responsibility, not yours. It's not your fault that even after half a century, I'm too weak to get rid of them by myself."

"What you are experiencing has nothing to do with weakness." Jessica found his eyes and pinned him down with her stare. "We are gonna get through this. Together. No arguments. You're gonna accept my help, even if I have to goddamn force you to do it."

Harvey was almost taken aback by the overwhelming amount of love he felt for her in that moment. His lips twitched. "I hate you so much. I hope you know that."

She looked back at him and it felt like an embrace.

"I do."

.

"Are you ever gonna stop?"

"Huh?", Harvey looked up from his stack of papers. He hadn't even noticed that Louis had entered the room and was sitting opposed him with a sharp observing look in his eyes. Then again, Harvey struggled to remember how many weeks had passed since Donna left. Seven maybe? Hell, he didn't even know what day it was.

"I said, do you plan on stopping this ridiculous revenge fantasy against Donna anytime soon or do you just not care for reality at all?"

Harvey raised his brows. "Oh, is that what we're gonna do today, we're gonna fight?"

Louis snorted while Harvey set his pen aside and leaned back with a sarcastic smile. "Why don't you go first, since you seem to have some things to get off your chest."

"You're damn right I do. You chase Donna out of town, setting the entire firm in a turmoil because of it since you know we are nothing without her and leave Rachel with one less person to protect her."

Harvey's eyelid twitched at the mention of Rachel's name. Although her and Louis had cast various protection spells on them so they could talk freely, he still felt uneasy discussing her pregnancy out in the open like that, especially at the firm. He might've acted like he didn't believe Jessica when she'd said there was a mole at the firm, but deep down he knew she was rarely wrong about these things.

"She has all the protection she needs as long as I'm here", he gave back after a tense pause.

"Need I remind you that the reason she even needs protection in the first place is sitting right in front of me, too arrogant to acknowledge the pain he's causing everyone around him?"

That one hit. Louis couldn't have known why, but he saw that he struck a chord and was just too angry to stop himself from continuing further. "That's right, you heard me. Rachel, Mike and I were living our lives with as much normalcy as possible before you came barging in her like you owned the place. You've brought nothing but death and danger to our doorstep, yet we're supposed to accept every decision you make and trust your judgement without questioning it."

"No one's forcing you to stay here", Harvey answered defensively, now on his feet and ready to start the fight he'd seen coming the moment Louis had come in. "If you wanna leave, there's the door."

Louis' hands balled into fists, but they were interrupted before either of them could make the first move.

"How dare you", Mike said, his kind, bright blue eyes full of anger. Rachel was at his side, looking at him like she was trying to figure out what level of insane Harvey she was about to deal with today. "This is our firm, our home. You don't get to tell us when to leave."

"Hate to break it to you, but we were here way before you were even born."

"That doesn't give you any right to talk to us this way. You're not superior just because you're older."

"No offense, wolfy but you're not allowed to sit at the adult's table until you've had at least half of my life experience."

"I've had plenty of life experience, so save yourself the sarcasm and presumptuousness, Harvey. I've had enough pain in my life to know that willingly jumping headfirst into this chaos is a reckless decision for me and my family. But with Donna here, at least it seemed worth the risk."

Something about the way Mike phrased it – like Harvey was only considered worthy enough while Donna was around – got to him. Old, ugly insecurities reared their heads like forgotten monsters, long banished into a dark corner of his mind.

"You want to talk about pain?", he snarled, taking a step closer and clenching his jaw. "Why don't you go and talk to someone who didn't have multiple lifetimes filled to the brink with it. Trust me when I say you know nothing about true pain. True grief."

The younger lawyer didn't back down. "I've lost my fare share."

Harvey laughed. He couldn't help it.

Mike's eyes turned murderous, his voice a low, sharp hiss. "I killed my own parents when I was a little kid."

A heavy pause filled the room. Too late, Harvey realised that he'd gone too far. There was that gleam in Mike's eyes again, causing him to take a step back and choose caution over pettiness. "Okay, I get it."

"The world doesn't fucking revolve around you, you know", Mike kept going like he hadn't heard him, shrugging Rachel's soothing hand off his arm, "We all have our own shit to deal with but do you see us dragging you into it all the time? No, you usually don't even notice because you're too busy making everything about you."

"Mike", Harvey warned.

"You don't even know Rachel has been having trouble with her pregnancy since Donna left because she lost one of the main stabilities in her life. You don't know that we're worried the magic is not working as it should and that people are gonna find out about the baby or overhear us talking about it because she's not strong enough to anchor two long-term spells at the same time. You didn't even bother to ask whether it's a boy or a girl. We're terrified of what'll happen to Donna, all on her own and on the run because you drove her away. And yet we've still haven't kicked the crap out of you because this woman here—", his voice was shaking now, pointing at his fiancee before taking a step forward, "Because she thinks we can talk to you and remind you that we need Donna. She thinks that deep down you know that Donna deserves to be here. That all of us, including you, want her here. But you're just too fucking blind to see it, because you only revolve around yourself and your own pain. We've tried talking to you, but you refuse to listen. You don't want to hear it; you just want everyone around you to be as miserable as you are. And then you have the audacity to tell me that I don't know grief?"

He took another step forward, right into Harvey's space. Harvey swallowed, regret and self-hatred slowly filling his body.

"I may not have lived more than two centuries and seen all the horrors you've seen but don't you ever tell me I don't know what pain feels like. Don't you ever try and tell me I don't know grief, when I cannot remember a time in my life when I wasn't grieving."

There was another short, tight pause. Harvey looked at him, really looked at him, and saw more than a cocky young man who couldn't keep his mouth shut and his nose out of other people's business. He saw someone haunted by his past life choices, and even more haunted by the trauma that defined him when he was young and didn't deserve it. He saw him and recognised himself. And more importantly, he saw someone who took the pain that had been unloaded on him and tried to turn it into something better.

"I'm sorry", he said quietly. "I'm not handling this well, I know. It's just… hard for me to come to terms with it."

Mike didn't say anything. He held his stare, furious and disappointed.

"Babe, back off." Rachel didn't have to raise her voice to draw the attention of everyone in the room towards her. She exchanged a quick look with her husband and nodded. "Please."

Mike did as she asked, taking a side step and standing next to Louis, who had sat down at some point of the argument, staring into his whiskey glass and waiting for the fight to turn violent so he could step in. Rachel approached Harvey carefully, like he was a lion backed into a corner. Which, to be fair, he kind of was.

"Harvey." He didn't know what he loathed more about the way she said it. Her determination or her calmness.

"If I told you that I want her here, not only for the bachelorette party and the wedding, but for good. For all of it. That I'd be willing to fight for it, to fight for her." She caressed her belly tenderly and met his stubborn eyes. "Because I will. I won't back down on this, I won't let it go. I want my baby to know its godmother. I want the godmother to be there when she's born, and every single minute after that. I want my best friend in my life, and I want the woman I trust most in this life to stand by my side as we defend our family from whatever is next.
If I told you all that, would you still refuse me?"

Harvey stared back. His eyes dropped to Rachel's stomach. It was a girl. He took a deep breath in, and one out, desperately trying to push a strong wave of panic down.

He hated her. Actually, he hated that he didn't hate her. He hated that he cared so deeply. He hated that he couldn't walk away from this. He hated himself.

He hated his own weakness so much he could hardly breathe.

He kept on breathing anyway, focusing on Rachel again. He could do it for her. He'd do better by her than he had last time. He could give her everything Amanda had deserved, everything she should've gotten.

He'd do better this time.

He'd do it right this time.

"No", he said at last, observing the hint of a smile creeping up on her face. "No, I wouldn't."

He turned his back on her, on all of them so they couldn't see his shaking hands.

"Tell her to come back whenever she pleases."

Harvey was almost out of his office when he couldn't help adding one last thing. "But this changes nothing. You can tell her that, too."

.

Neil found her on a cold and rainy Tuesday. Truth be told, Donna had known he was coming but she was too tired to care. She was so, so tired of running. Still, something inside her twisted painfully when she saw him appear behind her in the reflection of the mirror.

"Hello, my dear sister," he said. "It's been a while."

"Two decades," she hummed.

"Did you miss me?"

"I'm not even going to grace that with an answer." She nodded a thanks to the bartender who'd just put her drink in front of her. "So, you're planning on doing this here? In a hotel bar in Rotterdam? In front of a bunch of meaningless strangers? Honestly, I expected more of you."

Their eyes met for a split second in the mirror. He grinned and sat down beside her, ordering a whiskey sour and ignoring the face Donna made at his choice of drink.

"Who says I'm not here to talk."

She scoffed.

"Don't patronize me, Donna. What if I told you that I'm here to make a deal?"

"I'd say you can go fuck yourself because there's nothing you have to offer me."

"You know that's a lie. I'm the one that could ever offer you the only thing you want."

"And what is that?"

"Your freedom."

Her eyes shot up again, only to find him staring at her. Her heartbeat quickened and she knew he could hear it. Just one look at his face made Donna regret her choice. She couldn't bear to look at him without feeling all the terror and pain he caused her, all the trauma connected to him and all he did, but also everything she did to him over the course of the century. It was impossible to see him and feel anything but hatred and anger, because his existence reminded her that she was nothing but an empty, cracked shell, unworthy and unloved. And that death would be too kind for her, just like it would be too kind for him.

Maybe that was why they hadn't killed each other yet.

"My freedom," she repeated when his gaze became too much for her to hold. "What is that even supposed to mean?"

"It means that once the hunter stops hunting, the prey can stop looking over its shoulder and rest instead of run."

Donna grabbed her glass so forcefully she could already see the first cracks appear. "You must really think I'm dumb enough to ever believe you'll stop coming after me. Even if you'd stop for decades, I'd know you would strike the moment I let my guard down."

Her brother hummed, taking a sip of his whiskey. "The only reason I ever chased you in the first place was punishment for what you'd done. Maybe I've come to the decision that I punished you enough. Maybe I want to focus on… others, for good this time."

Donna's finger traced the cold edge of her glass. "You're talking about Harvey and Jessica."

"Naturally. They were always my real target and you know it. They were who I was really after. I constantly knew where you were, and yet I never killed you. I never lifted a finger. Did you ever stop for long enough to wonder why?"

She had. Many times.

"No, never,", she answered. "I couldn't care less about your motives."

"Don't lie to me. It makes you look foolish."

"Shut up, Neil. Even if I did believe what you're saying, why would I consider a deal with you? You just confirmed you'll never stop hunting Harvey and Jessica."

"Because I know where they are, and I've stayed on the side lines long enough to see what happened."

Please, Donna thought, please don't let him know about the baby.

"You tried to reconnect with them, you did your best to keep up the farce that they were your family and they ended up banishing you for it."

Donna bit the inside of her cheek, tasting blood. "They merely did that because you destroyed any chance of reconciliation."

"I told Harvey the truth."

Just the mention of his name made her flinch and it didn't go unnoticed my him.

"And yes, I knew he wouldn't be able to take it because he's weak. He'll never be like us and you had to see that."

Donna turned her head and looked at him directly for the first time. "So, this was your grand plan? You thought him hating me would make me sympathize with you?"

"And what if I did?"

"You're pathetic," she sneered.

"No, I'm the only one who's seeing things clearly. The reason Harvey and Jessica have to fall inevitably is because they are my enemies. They have been since the moment we met. It is my duty to erase them from history, just like it was your duty to erase them with me. And they are bound to each other, exactly like you and I are. They are two sides of the same coin, and so are we. I think it's time you stop pretending that you belong anywhere else."

Something about his words rang so awfully true that Donna disregarded it right away. "This is the deal you're proposing, then? I let you kill Jessica, kill Harvey, and in return you give me my freedom?"
She laughed drily. "God, it's like you've been a broken record for the last century."

Anger flickered in his eyes for a second and it gave Donna deep satisfaction.

"Actually, I will kill them either way, it doesn't matter if you stand in my way or not. No, it's another thing I want from you."

Donna didn't even bother asking, she simply raised her brows expectantly.

"I want to know what they're really doing in New York."

Her sarcastic smile fell from her face and she looked back into her glass. "How the hell should I know?"

Neil nodded, pleased. "That right there. That reaction is why I know it's something important. You're not the best liar but usually, at least you have a poker face. But there is something in this city, in this firm, that scares you to death and that you want to keep from me at all cost. And I promise you, Donna, right now is your last chance to take my deal and save your neck before I go back to New York and unleash hell on earth until I find it."

Donna closed her eyes. Exhaled. Finished her drink. Set the glass down. Met her brother's eyes in the mirror again.

"Not if I kill you first."

.

Rachel was pacing. She knew she should rest as much as she could these days, but she was too nervous to stand still, let alone sit down.

"Rach," Mike murmured. "Will you stop, please?"

"Unless you want her to set something on fire, I suggest you leave her be," Louis warned, observing Rachel's posture with knowing eyes.

Mike surrendered with a sigh and let himself fall into the cushions of Jessica's white sofa, earning himself a glare from her in return.

Harvey was on his second scotch, stoically staring out of the window and ignoring everyone around him. Manhattan was beautiful at night.

"When was the last time you heard from her?", Louis asked Rachel with the right mixture of gentleness and normalcy.

"When I texted her." The witch checked her phone, but there were no new messages. She'd let Donna know about Harvey changing his mind the moment it had happened and had gotten an equally quick message back.

Will be there asap. Give me two days.

Rachel knew she'd been somewhere on the European mainland, near the Dutch border, so it would take her a day or two to get back to the states. And here they were, exactly two days later, waiting for her.

Waiting for her and at the same time being completely unprepared for what kind of mess she'd bring with her. Maybe it would be Neil, hot on her trail. Maybe it'd be more secrets that would threaten to break their barely functioning family. Maybe it'd be another fight with Harvey, destroying the remains of their relationship for good.

Or maybe, just maybe, she'd bring the promise of making amends with her. To give them another chance; one last chance.

Rachel knew that it was all that Jessica was hoping for.

The baby kicked and she rubbed her right hand over her belly soothingly, a small sigh of relief escaping her. She hadn't kicked much since Donna had left. And all of the sudden, Rachel knew who she would see if she turned around. She knew before she saw Harvey tense up, before she saw Jessica's eyes flutter shut for a split second, before she moved her head to see Louis' and Mike's unsure smiles.

There, in the doorway, like an apparition out of thin air, stood Donna.

Her hair was a bit longer, but also messier, flowing well over her elbow. The clothes she usually kept clean and tidy to an obsessive degree looked a bit dishevelled, like she'd thrown them on in a hurry. There was a small hole in the fabric of her sweater, right next to a trail of blood that led from her shoulder all the way down to her waist. Her eyes were tired but alert, maybe a bit too alert. There was a new scar on her right cheekbone that almost looked like a crescent.

"Evening, everyone," she said quietly, but it cut through the silence as if she'd yelled. Her eyes were fixed on Harvey, who still hadn't moved. She moved her hand to push a strand of hair behind her ear and Rachel could see dried blood under her fingernails.

The sight of that gave her the last push to take a step forward. "Donna."

Some of the tension ebbed away when Donna saw Rachel. Whispering her friends' name, she quickly approached her and pulled her into a fierce hug. Harvey had finally turned around, observing them with raised brows, mainly because the hug lasted longer than necessary and judging by the slight confusion in Rachel's eyes, Donna was the one who didn't let go.

Harvey exchanged a look with Mike, but he just shrugged. Jessica however had her eyes trained on them, and something crossed her face when they finally pulled apart and Donna touched Rachel's stomach, her voice thick with emotion when she said, "Thank god you two are alright."

Rachel's hand settled on top of hers. "I'm okay", she assured Donna. "She's okay, too. She's excited to know you're back, apparently."

Donna nodded, blinking back tears. "I won't leave again. I promise, I'll stay here no matter what."

The witches' eyes met Harvey's for a split second. "I'd like that."

Harvey took a sip from his scotch, calculation his next move. He gave her time to hug Mike, who'd gotten up from the couch, and Louis, but when she exchanged a long look with Jessica, his irritation came flooding right back. "Where's Neil?"

Her head immediately shot to the side, meeting his eyes. Harvey's chest did something funny when he stared back at her, taking her in for the first time since she'd entered the room. There was this strong feeling of longing and familiarity inside of him, paired up with an equal familiar taste of anger and hurt.

She licked her lips. They were dry and chapped. She wasn't wearing any lipstick. Something had happened to her, that much was clear to him, he just couldn't tell what exactly it was.

"I handled it."

"What is that supposed to mean?", Jessica asked sternly.

"It means, he won't come back again. I handled him and made sure of that."

Mike squinted his eyes. "So, he's dead?"

"You could say that."

"So he's not," Harvey scoffed.

Donna tilted her head and let her eyes rest on his face again. "He's not a threat anymore, that's all that matters."

Jessica hesitated before she settled on saving that discussion for later. "That's good news, and all we need to know right now."

Harvey shook his head, eyes as cold as ice. "Of course. Let's all trust what Donna says because that worked out so well for us the last time."

"Honestly Harvey, I don't care if you believe me or not. All I care about is that Neil will not go near that child and I made sure he won't, so that changes things."

"It doesn't change shit, Donna. I don't care what you think, I still don't trust you and I still think you're hiding something."

His words were intended to hurt, and they did. No matter how many times Harvey threw them in Donna's direction, they didn't lose their effect.

"I'm not hiding anything."

"Then why, why did you come back?"

Donna swallowed thickly. "I came back to protect my family."

Harvey could see Jessica shift from the corner of his eye, closer to Mike, Rachel, and Louis. Harvey knew there was something going, something he kept missing. Like the last puzzle piece that kept him from seeing the whole picture. Jessica had already found it; maybe she'd known all along.

It made him angry and he had nobody to let that anger out on except Donna. His stare was merciless. "You don't have a family. You only have yourself and your own interest. Your desire to save your skin was what kept you alive, but we will not shield you anymore. You're on your own."

If he wouldn't know her so damn well, he'd think his words had no effect on her. But the truth was written in her eyes, in the slight twitch of her left eye when he said she had no family, and in her flinch when he said she was on her own.

"Donna", it was Jessica's voice that cut in, calm but with a firmness that didn't allow much room for arguing. "I think it's time to let it out in the open."

The two women shared a long look. "I knew you figured it out."

"I wasn't sure until you left."

Donna nodded, like what Jessica had said made any fucking sense, and it drove Harvey mad.

"I also knew you'd keep it to yourself. Otherwise I wouldn't have left them behind."

"I know."

"Can somebody please put us out of our misery?", Mike suddenly said. Jessica and Donna looked up like they'd forgotten there were four other people in the same room.

"It's your decision", Jessica murmured, nudging the redhead's shoulder as she passed her, now headed closer to Harvey. He had the suspicious feeling that she was preparing herself to keep him in check if it would be necessary. His mistrust of both women immediately skyrocketed.

Donna sat down on Jessica's white couch and took a deep breath. Her eyes travelled from one person to another, taking them all in as they assembled around her, waiting. There were five people in this room with her. Five people she would trust with this, and only two she had absolute faith in. Two of the others she knew she could handle if it came down to it, but the last one…

Her eyes rested on Harvey. He was the wild card. Sure, she had Jessica to help bring him around, but there was so much bad blood between them, so much dirt being dug up since she came back, she was afraid this would be the last straw. This could be the one thing to make him snap, especially because she had a hard time foreseeing his reaction.

What if he didn't believe her?

"The reason I came here— ", she broke of and pressed her lips together, squirming under the number of eyes trained on her. "The reason Jessica came here in the first place was the same as mine. I doubt she would've come if she had known I was still alive, but… When I traced your move and realised who was at this firm, I knew she was trying to find out the truth, too."

She made another pause. Nobody spoke. Nobody moved.

"The reason she chose this place for her turn and the reason I followed you guys here despite the risk, despite Neil thinking you were dead, was Rachel."

For a moment, Harvey's brain froze. He looked at Donna, who stared back at him like she was expecting him to get it. He stared at Jessica, who seemed painfully aware that he wasn't there yet. He stared at Rachel, who had instinctively touched her belly and seemed absolutely flabbergasted.

And then, it hit him. The thoughts rolled over him and everything suddenly made sense. It all made so much sense, he couldn't believe he hadn't seen it before. The last piece of the puzzle had been right in front of him this entire time. The reason Donna had come back, hellbent on making amends, but at the same time so hesitant to trust Jessica and particularly Harvey. Her weirdly quick bond with Rachel and how she formed such close relationships with both Louis and Mike. Jessica's passion when it came to including Donna in their newfound family, and her insistence that this family was something worth fighting for. Her deep trust in Donna even when she had no obvious reason to keep the faith in her after her initial betrayal.

Nothing about this had ever been about Harvey. Or about Harvey and Donna. Donna never came back for him, but she'd never lied when she said she came back for family.

It was Rachel.

The last piece was Rachel.

.

.

---

surprise, rachel is actually the main character of this fic. just kidding (or am I?)

yes, this is an evil way to end it, but I had to set a cut somewhere and this got way too long anyway. originally, this was all meant to look a bit different, but I'll never finish this story if I won't limit it to 15 chapters, so that's how much room I have to wrap it all up.

the flashback did not go ahead as planned either, instead it became somewhat close to a character study of donna after she turned and how she pushes down all her past trauma and abuse while new traumatic experiences keep coming on top of it, which explains her violent behaviour. I promise I'm not just writing about these poor kids donna found for fun, there's a point to it all that will be revealed really soon.

finally, writing harvey's panic attack was something very personal to me, so I hope it came across okay. he definitely needed to show some vulnerability because he was just such a dick for the rest of the time.

next up, a war and a wedding. we gotta love balance.