Learning to Fly

Obi-Wan takes on a flight lesson)

Originally posted November 2019

Obi: Master, I'm ready.

Qui: Did you study the manual and you understood all of what Master Rafe told you during your test flight?

Obi: Yes, but we didn't fly a real ship. Just a simulation. I can't promise I won't throw up. I almost did in the simulation holo chamber.

Qui: So I heard. But you love to fly.

Obi: For now I do. That changes at some point in my life. Maybe when I'm seventeen or so. I'll think about it.

Qui: You'll think about not liking flying?

Obi: I'll think about when I decide not to like it. Could have something to do with my apprentice.

Qui: Sure. All right. Apprentice?

Obi: You know, the kid you stole from his mom, then threw me under the transport-bus for, then had the nerve to go and die and make me promise to train him. Train the boy, train the boy. Whatever. Okay, I'm ready now.

Qui: Ready for a straight-jacket perhaps.

Obi: Not nice, Master.

Qui: Yet true. Focus now. Just go carefully, listen to the controls and don't fly us into the side of a building.

Obi: That would be bad.

Qui: Yes, that would be bad.

Obi: Got it. Press the start button.

Qui: Ignition.

Obi: It starts the ship, it's a start button. Then wait for the go light.

Qui: Green light.

Obi: Green means go, Master. The go light comes on, turn the fat knob.

Qui: Directional lever.

Obi: It's round and fat. It's not a lever. It's a knob.

Qui: I can delay this flight test until you are thirty if you'd like.

Obi: But I'm only thirteen now. Why would you do that to me?

Qui: Keep up the smart ass talk and you'll see.

Obi: Did you just call me a smart ass?

Qui: Yes, and watch your mouth.

Obi: Okay, but…

Qui: Finish take-off procedures please.

Obi: Fat knob is on, now we raise the throttle lever – see, Master, that's a lever – slowly so we don't give ourselves whiplash or worse.

Qui: It's the worse I'm most concerned about.

Obi: Slowly, lifting and forward. Look, Master. I got this. Gently pull away from the landing platform without grazing anyone or anything.

Qui: Now you must merge into the traffic lane heading north. Be confident and careful, Padawan. And please pick up some speed. You cannot merge correctly at this pace. You'll get run over.

Obi: Or killed by an irate pilot. I've heard about those people. Master Windu tells me about them all the time.

Qui: Mace speaks to you? Voluntarily?

Obi: Well, no, but when I corner him in the meditation chamber or the gardens, he'll say anything and everything to get away from me.

Qui: That explains why he threatened to kill me in my sleep last week. Please don't harass him anymore.

Obi: I don't do it on purpose, it just happens. It's who I am, WHOA! That flying manic almost wiped me out. Master, does this thing have a horn? I need to tell him what I think about his chaotic flying.

Qui: No horn. Leave him be. It's best to just leave them all be. Fly your ship, not that of others.

Obi: I merged, now what?

Qui: Fly casual.

Obi: Huh?

Qui: Never mind. Just follow the flow of traffic until we get close to our destination.

Obi: What's our destination?

Qui: The Jedi Temple.

Obi: Um, Master, we just left there.

Qui: We will be making a giant circle, it all comes past here again if you stay in the right lane.

Obi: That's not very exciting. Hey, someone is pushing me from behind. Just go around you idiot.

Qui: Obi-Wan.

Obi: Tell me he's not an idiot, Master. Tell me.

Qui: I cannot tell you that, because he is, but don't stoop to that level. Be better.

Obi: Because I'm a Jedi?

Qui: Because I'd prefer you to not be an idiot.

Obi: You have a reputation.

Qui: I do. Or, I used to. You've done a number on it.

Obi: Hey, what does this lever do?

Qui: No, don't touch that one!

Obi: Whoa! We're upside down! That's cool.

Qui: I do not believe that it is.

Obi: If I touch it again, we…. Oh, we flip and roll and oh, I'm getting sick. Good thing you had me strap in. Maaassterrrr maaaaake it stoppppp. Gonnnna beee sickkkk.

Qui: Do not get sick on me. I mean it.

Obi: How do we stopppp this crazy thingggg….

Qui: Move the lever in the opposite direction.

Obi: Ah, okay, there. That was simple.

Qui: Apparently not simple enough.

Obi: You just called me an idiot, didn't you?

Qui: In so many words.

Obi: I'm doing great now. Look, I even let that guy in without ramming him. Are we there yet, Master?

Qui: Do you see the temple?

Obi: I do not.

Qui: Then that answers your question.

Obi: And you wonder where I get my smart mouth from.

Qui: Obi-Wan.

Obi: Sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm just excited and nervous and weird. It happens.

Qui: Far too often. Don't drift too far back from traffic. Keep a safe distance but not too close or too far. It's a delicate balance.

Obi: This is nice, Master. Just me and you out on an afternoon fly. No mission. No Council. No one telling me what to do.

Qui: I tell you what to do.

Obi: Yeah, but you don't count.

Qui: Because you don't listen.

Obi: Because you love me.

Qui: Love is a strong word.

Obi: Because you like me.

Qui: Like is sometimes a stronger word than love.

Obi: Because you tolerate me.

Qui: There it is!

Obi: Hmmm.

Qui: Focus on the traffic, Padawan.

Obi: You call me Padawan, so you must not hate me that much.

Qui: I don't hate you.

Obi: But you don't love me or like me.

Qui: Can we focus please?

Obi: Master, I need confirmation of how you feel about me.

Qui: Did tolerate not cover it?

Obi: It did not.

Qui: Watch for the next merge coming up. You'll have to exit to your right, which means you need to get over a lane.

Obi: Will you love me if I merge correctly?

Qui: We can discuss that later.

Obi: All right, but I'm kinda sad now. Thanks for that. Merging. Hey, damn it! He cut me off. I'll show him… wait… that was a woman. I thought lady pilots were more courteous and… no? Not true? You're shaking your head and giving me that look. Okay, not true. I hope Master Bren doesn't know your thoughts on lady pilots. She might get angry and withhold adult mush from you again and you'll get all cranky.

Qui: Please stop talking.

Obi: I'm nervous.

Qui: About flying.

Obi: No, about you and me.

Qui: Watch your speed, you can see the temple in the distance.

Obi: Hey, we really did go in one giant circle. You were right, Master!

Qui: I've lived on Coruscant for all my life, Obi-Wan.

Obi: And you're old too, so that means something.

Qui: There are ships on the platform, you have to hover and wait until one departs. Do not hover too close.

Obi: That'll just blow the people around the platform, right?

Qui: Or off of it, which would be worse.

Obi: It is a long way down. Way down… oh, that makes me dizzy.

Qui: Don't look down. Stay seated and be patient.

Obi: Can we talk, Master?

Qui: I do like you, Obi-Wan. I do. But if I tell you these things while you are flying or doing other things that require concentration, you get excited and lose your focus.

Obi: So, you are only looking out for me.

Qui: I am.

Obi: I love you too, Master.

Qui: I didn't say…

Obi: I know, but I know. You're like my mother and father all wrapped up in a tightly bound ball of gray hair and brown robe.

Qui: My hair was never this gray until this last year.

Obi: You're welcome. It's a good look on you. Makes you look more distinguished than you are.

Qui: I… no… I promised Bren I would not strangle you on the flight. She even made me swear on the Jedi Code.

Obi: But you always betray the Code.

Qui: I do not betray it, I only interpret it differently than others.

Obi: Call it what you like, Master, you're a rebel.

Qui: I am in a way. I mean, I was the only one willing to take you as an apprentice.

Obi: You're a brave man.

Qui: You have no idea.

Obi: I test you.

Qui: You have no idea.

Obi: And you still love me.

Qui: Did I say that?

Obi: No, but the Code forbids it. Thou shall not love your padawan.

Qui: That's not what it says.

Obi: It may as well say it. Can we land yet? These people are taking forever. I should fly in circles around them to give them a hint maybe.

Qui: Please do not do that.

Obi: Look, Master, it's Chancellor Valium.

Qui: Valorum.

Obi: Yeah, him. I like him.

Qui: He is a great leader.

Obi: And he doesn't run away from me when I talk to him. Well, not yet.

Qui: Why have you been speaking with the Chancellor?

Obi: I get around?

Qui: I need to keep a tighter leash on you.

Obi: Do you really think I just sit in my bedroom and stare at walls for hours on end while you and Master Bren are doing...

Qui: Do not finish that sentence. And yes, I ordered you to stay in quarters when I am not around. How many times have you and the Chancellor spoken?

Obi: Well, he's not spoken to me at all, but I've spoken to him four or fives times. Maybe more. We should really be able to land now, Master, are you sure I shouldn't fire a warning shot or something?

Qui: Do not shoot the Chancellor or anyone else on the platform.

Obi: I wasn't going to shoot them, just fire something at close range to get them jumping a bit. Might be fun.

Qui: Do not shoot any shot anywhere. Understand?

Obi: Okay, but we may just float here all day. At some point, I'm gonna have to pee and unless you want...

Qui: Do not finish that sentence either. Just float a little lower, make sure they know you are waiting to land. Do not fly close to any human or ship or droid on that platform, hear me?

Obi: You have so many caveats to everything, Master.

Qui: It's how and why I am still alive despite having you as my apprentice. Low and careful please.

Obi: Low and careful, okay, low and careful. Whoops, did that woman just make a profane gesture at me?

Qui: Indeed.

Obi: I didn't graze her, what's her prob... oh, never mind. That's the lady that cut me off. I should warn the Chancellor.

Qui: Warn him about what?

Obi: That woman is near him.

Qui: That woman was his pilot. The ship that cut you off was the Chancellor's. Did you not recognize the huge royal emblem on the side of the space cruiser as it almost slammed into you?

Obi: I did not.

Qui: You have much to learn, Obi-Wan. Including how to actually read the studies I give you on how to recognize huge royal emblems on sides of space cruisers.

Obi: Okay but... oh, hey, finally. The two ships are lifting off.

Qui: Back off and give them room.

Obi: No problem, that lady is angry and she hates me.

Qui: Don't feel badly, she hates everyone. I myself have been gestured at a time or two.

Obi: You, Master? That gives us something in common then. Finally. I'm glad. I liked to share things with you.

Qui: Please watch where you are going. You need to land on the platform, not just near it.

Obi: I got this. Or well... ouch! Sorry!

Qui: You crushed a droid.

Obi: At least it wasn't a person?

Qui: The goal is to not crush anyone or anything. You failed.

Obi: Eh, it happens.

Qui: I need a nap.

Obi: Want me to help you to our quarters?

Qui: I want you to hush for a while.

Obi: Okay.

Qui: Okay? Just like that?

Obi: Yes, Master.

Qui: Ah, all right.

Obi: I drive you crazy, I know, but I just want you to be proud of me. I do try. Yes, I run my lips a lot and harass Council member and Chancellors, but...

Qui: I am proud of you, Obi-Wan. At times.

Obi: Really?

Qui: Really.

Obi: You actually like me?

Qui: I told you I did.

Obi: I know, but you change your mind as easily as Master Poof's head sways in the wind. It can be confusing.

Qui: Master Poof is confusing.

Obi: He really is. We should go to our quarters, eat junk food, watch a funny holo-film and make fun of the Council.

Qui: How about we just go get something to eat.

Obi: Together?

Qui: Together.

Obi: Aww, Master, you do love me.

Qui: It's just lunch, Padawan.

Obi: It is, but you aren't running away from me screaming.

Qui: Not that you ever see, no.

Obi: Works for me. Can we go visit Dex for lunch?

Qui: That sounds like the perfect idea.

Obi: A good lunch and a good hug after a flying lesson with my master. What a good day.

Qui: I'm not hugging you.

Obi: I know. Dex will though. He always does.

Qui: Just how many times do you visit Dex when I'm not around?

Obi: Master, you spend way too much time with Master Bren.

Qui: I do have other things in my life than you, Obi-Wan.

Obi: You shouldn't. I require time and energy.

Qui: Far too much of each, I might add.

Obi: I exhaust me.

Qui: You exhaust a lot of people.

Obi: it's a talent.

Qui: it's something.

Obi: Lets go for food and hugs.

Qui: Or just food.

Obi: One day, Master, you'll come to understand me. After all, we have many years together. Many, many years.

Qui: That's what I'm afraid of.

END