"Jane," ordered Brunnhilde, "come forward."
Jane stepped forward from the others. She was dressed in her armor, complete with helm and long red cape. Her fellow soldiers of the Asgardian army watched as she took a knee in front of Brunnhilde. Brunnhilde nodded and Jane rose.
"It is not often that a foreigner joins the Asgardian army," said Brunnhilde, "but you have shown exceptional dedication and skill. Furthermore, Mjolnir recognizes you as worthy. As such, I have seen fit to promote you to Captain. You now have the freedom to act on behalf of Asgard of your own volition. Remember that every one of your actions now reflects on Asgard. Do not take this position lightly."
"I will not, All-Mother," assured Jane, "Thank you. It is an honor."
"That is all," said Brunnhilde once Jane had returned to the group, "Thank you all for your hard work this season. You're dismissed."
The soldiers all walked off, chatting happily as they did. There had been a number of successes for Asgard lately, including the army warding off wayward beasts from foriegn realms. Asgard's proximity to the Bifrost meant that just about anything could make its way to Asgard by accident. This often included mindless beasts from darker realms, which the army was often tasked with fighting off. This past season, every single beast had been effortlessly expelled. Now Jane Foster was a Captain in the Asgardian army.
"Congratulations, friend!" smiled Fandral, patting Jane on the back, "That is quite the rise in ranks you've made!"
"Thanks!" she smiled back, "I really think I'm starting to get the hang of this."
"I'd say," added Loki.
Jane and Fandral both turned. Loki was not a member of the Asgardian army. He had just been waiting out in the courtyard for them, leaning against the wall. He was dressed in a fine emerald tunic and pants with gold accents.
"Loki," said Jane politely.
"Jane Foster," he said back, "Look at you! Only a few of your Midgardian months and you're already a Captain. Well done!"
"What do you want, Loki?" asked Fandral.
"It's just that I've been feeling so nostalgic lately," he said, feigning a dramatic sigh, "It's been ages since I've fooled Thor, but all he cares about these days are his podcasts."
"Podcasts?" wondered Fandral aloud.
"But then I remembered that there's a new Goddess of Thunder!" declared Loki, approaching Jane, "My dear sister! Do you mind if I call you sister?"
"Yes."
"Fine," groaned Loki in disappointment.
"What do you want, Loki?" asked Fandral for the second time.
"I just wanted to give Jane here fair warning," said Loki, "that I think it's about time I start messing with the Goddess of Thunder again!"
Loki punctuated his sentence by spinning in place, a motion that blurred his movement as he became a raven and flew away into the sky. Jane and Fandral watched until he had flown out of sight.
"...should I be concerned?" asked Jane after a moment.
"OH yeah," chuckled Fandral, "You're doomed."
Jane descended upon the small observatory, landing gracefully as her cape fluttered in the wind. She had been called upon to Himinbjörg, where the All-Seer Heimdall was waiting for her. She saw the tall, broad-shouldered man brooding in the center of the room. He was facing away from Jane, both hands resting upon his sword.
"All-Seer," said Jane, taking a knee, "What is it that you need of me?"
"Another beast has fallen from the Bifrost into our lands," said Heimdall, not turning around, "This one stronger than any that have come in the past several months."
"Shouldn't we gather the others?" suggested Jane, standing.
"No," said Hemidall, now turning around and approaching Jane, "You are the only one suited for this task. The beast is one you know. "
Jane watched Heimdall as he drew nearer. Heimdall did not have a face like other Asgardians. His mystical ability to see across the realms caused his face to resemble a constellation of stars. Looking at him always gave Jane a sense of vertigo, like she could fall into the dark void of space every moment.
Heimdall stood in front of Jane and placed one of his fingers on her forehead. Jane felt a rush of cold energy as images from Heimdall's memories flashed before her. The one he drew her to was a recent one. Jane looked and saw something plummet from the Bifrost into the far hills of Asgard. When the beast stood, Jane did indeed recognize her.
"It's She-Hulk," realized Jane, "She's my friend. She won't hurt anybody. But what's she doing here?"
"Your friend has already attacked several farms," said Heimdall, "She's forced the families to flee and left the farms in ruins."
"That doesn't sound like her…"
"That is why I thought it best that you go alone," said Heimdall, "She is a powerful being. I can tell that just by looking at her. Our best bet at defeating her is through your relationship. Good luck."
Jane nodded. She swung Mjolnir around and around in her hand before throwing it into the air while clutching the leather strap. The powerful force carried her away with the force of a rocket, where she then manipulated the winds to carry her to the location Heimdall had shown her. She found She-Hulk digging furiously into the ground.
"She-Hulk!" called out Jane, "It's me, Jane! What are you doing here?"
"FELICIA!" cried She-Hulk furiously, "THERE YOU ARE!"
"Who?" asked Jane with concern.
She-Hulk charged at Jane. Jane swung her hammer to the side and launched herself away just in the knick of time. She-Hulk pivoted in an instant and launched herself directly at Jane, bringing her fist back for the punch. Jane had just enough time to hold Mjolnir out in front of her before the punch landed, successfully blocking it but still sending Jane flying back from the sheer force of it.
"I'm going to make you regret you ever met me or anyone I know, Felicia..." whispered She-Hulk contemptuously as she walked toward Jane.
She's under some kind of spell! realized Jane, She thinks I'm someone else. There's no way I'll be able to talk her down.
"Sorry about this," whispered Jane.
The Goddess of Thunder swung her hammer in She-Hulk's direction hurling a massive bolt of lightning directly at her. She-Hulk froze just before she was hit with the enormous surge of energy. Jane smiled at the brilliant flash that followed. She had hit her directly with one of her strongest attacks. Surely that would slow her down.
It did not. She-Hulk charged right through the attack, slightly singed as she roared with fury. Terrified, Jane turned and threw her hammer up to get away. She flew up and into the air, but She-Hulk swiftly grabbed her by the back of the cape and yanked her back down. Jane grunted as she was jerked down the ground, landing painfully on her bottom. She looked up and saw She-Hulk looking down at her, cape still firmly clutched in her fist.
"Uh-oh…" muttered Jane.
Jane yelped as She-Hulk swung her up and over her head, slamming her painfully down on the other side of her. She then slammed Jane back down onto the other side before swinging her wildly in circles around her. Jane gripped onto Mjolnir for dear life, knowing that being seperated from it for too long would cause her to revert to her human form. This would surely kill her instantly if that happened.
She-Hulk released her grip and flung Jane straight at a nearby boulder. Jane screamed as she flew through the air and crashed clean through the boulder, shattering it to pieces before landing painfully on the ground and skidding to a stop. Jane groaned in pain. Even with the enhanced Asgardian physiology, it felt like she might have busted a rib or two.
"So long, kitty cat!" snarled She-Hulk, running toward Jane.
"Wait!" cried Jane in fear, scrambling to her knees, "No, no, no, no-"
She-Hulk ran up to Jane and gave her a full force kick directly to the crotch. Jane shrieked as the impact rang painfully up through her body and launched her into the sky. Tears welled in Jane's as she clutched Mjolnir and her throbbing groin. She flew far through the air over the fields of Asgard.
Jane tensed up as she felt herself crash through an enormous window. Jane grunted as she hit the floor and slid across the room into the wall. Jane let out a long, weak moan. Every part of her body was aching, but none more so than her crotch. Jane curled up, gently rubbing the pained area between her legs.
"Um… Jane?"
Jane's face turned bright red as her eyes snapped open. She was on the floor of the throne room, surrounded by Asgardian nobles looking at her in confusion. Among them was Brunnhilde, sitting on the throne with a single eyebrow raised. Over her head was a large window that Jane had shattered upon entry.
"...hi everybody," said Jane bashfully, quickly pulling her hands away from her crotch and putting them behind her back with an awkward smile.
Jane placed Mjolnir beside her bed and reverted to her human form, dissipating her armor. She pulled her jeans and underwear to the ground and sucked her teeth as she applied the ointment to her inner thighs. Even advanced Asgardian medicine sometimes stung, including their pain relief ointments. Jane wasn't going to complain. After all, it was succeeding in easing the pain of She-Hulk's gamma-force cooch kick.
Following Jane's humiliating defeat in front of the Asgardian court, a new team was formed to take care of She-Hulk. By the time they had arrived on the scene though, She-Hulk had left. Jane was admitted for medical treatment, where they had used sorcery to prevent any serious injury. The bruises still ached, but the ointment was helping.
Suddenly there was a burst of emerald light at the doorway to Jane's room.
"So how'd it go?" asked Loki cheerily as she walked through the doorway.
"Loki!" squealed Jane in both embarrassment and anger, hurriedly turning away and hiking up her pants and underwear.
"Ooh," winced Loki, "That bad, huh?"
"Shut up!" yelled Jane as she reached for Mjolnir.
The hammer flew right into her hand as lightning burst from her body. When the light of the burst faded Jane was once again wearing the armor and garb of the Goddess of Thunder. She angrily assumed a fighting stance as electricity gathered around the head of the hammer.
"She-Hulk was your doing, wasn't she!?" demanded Jane, "You hypnotized her or something!"
"Good job!" smiled Loki condescendingly, "You're as good at this as the last Thor!"
Loki was wearing Earth clothes. She had black high heels, black skinny jeans, an emerald tube top, dark green eyeshadow, black lipstick, and a gold chain threaded through her belt loops. Behind her the glowing green emerald doorway was emitting the sound of a crowd.
"Where were you!?" continued Jane, "Someone could have gotten hurt, Loki!"
"Midgard," said Loki casually, "I've enchanted most doorways in this palace so I can use them as portals. It wasn't easy, you know. It's not a simple spell and it took decades to-"
"Where is She-Hulk!?" shouted Jane, pointing Mjolnir directly at Loki, "What have you done with her?"
"Oh, she's fine now," dismissed Loki, "Relax. It was just a simple charm. You know, one of those spells that makes someone see another person as their worst enemy? That fight must have been entertaining. Sorry I missed it. I heard about your little entrance in the throne room though. Sorry about that. It must have been dreadfully embarrassing."
"Shut up!" shouted Jane angrily, "I won't have this, Loki! I'm not like your brother! I won't tolerate any of your childish antics!"
"You're right," sighed Loki, "Thor never complained this much. What crawled up your ass?"
"RAH!" cried Jane in fury, hurling Mjolnir directly at Loki.
Loki sidestepped the hammer, which rocketed past him and through the doorway. Jane gasped as it vanished into the green light just before the doorway flashed and returned to normal. Jane ran up to the doorway and looked around, but there was no sign of the hammer or the portal. Jane turned angrily back to Loki.
"What have you done?" she asked, masking her fear.
"Remind me again," smiled Loki, "How long can you retain your Asgardian from without the hammer?"
Not long, thought Jane, Only about 1 minute. But hopefully that's all I'll need…
Jane gathered a small amount of electricity in her fist and threw a punch right at Loki. To Jane's surprise, all Loki did was smile and fall backwards as the punch was coming. Jane swung right past Loki as the Goddess of Mischief landed flat on her back on the floor. Confused but short on time, Jane gathered lightning in both of her fists, clasped them together, and swung them both downward with all of her strength. Loki smirked and rolled away at the last second.
The force of Jane's blow shattered the floor, spreading the cracks across the entire room before bits of it began to fall away. Loki imishly leapt away as the ground collapsed, but Jane didn't move quickly enough and fell with it. A loud crashing followed and when the dust cleared Jane found herself in the empty front hall of the palace.
Jane leapt to her feet and looked around. She saw no sign of Loki. She looked up and didn't see her in the remains of the bedroom either. She had to move quickly. She would lose her powers any second now. Jane began running around the room in search of the trickster.
"Yoohoo!" called Loki from above.
Jane looked up again, this time at the chandelier hanging from the ceiling. Loki was lounging on top of it, long black dagger in her hand. She swiftly cut the rope connecting it to the ceiling and vanished in a flash of green light. Jane screamed as the chandelier came down on top of her before she could move.
Jane grunted as she found herself pinned to the ground under the enormous chandelier. She braced both arms against it and began to push it off of her. Then there was a bright flash of light. Jane felt the chandelier go from being relatively light to impossible to lift, pinning her to the ground. Jane gasped. She was back in her jeans and T-shirt. Her powers had left. She tried to push the chandelier again. No luck. Without her powers, she was trapped under here. Loki was nowhere to be found.
"What was that noise!?" demanded Sif, running into the room with her sword drawn.
Then Sif turned and saw Jane pinned under the chandelier. Jane felt herself blush.
"Jane?" realized Sif.
After a short pause Sif let out a long and hardy laugh. Jane pouted as her face became even redder. Sif had not gotten along with Jane terribly well since her arrival. She had resented the speed with which Jane had ascended through the ranks as well as her outsider status. Seeing Jane like this was an absolute delight to her.
"Sif!" yelled Jane indignantly, "Quickly, get me out of here! We have to stop Loki!"
"Loki?" asked Sif, becoming serious, "What did she do?"
"What does it look like!?" asked Jane angrily, "She trapped me under here!"
"...that's it?"
"No!" said Jane, getting flustered, "No! She's also the one who hypnotized She-Hulk!"
"You mean that green woman who beat you up and left?" said Sif.
"Sif!"
"I'm just saying," shrugged Sif, "It seems like this is your problem, not Asgard's."
"Would you just help me already!?"
"Only if you ask nicely," smiled Sif, folding her arms.
"Please!" groaned Jane.
"No," sneered Sif, "No, I'm going to have to ask you to be more convincing than that."
"Please," said Jane as earnestly as she could, "Help me."
"Admit that you're a failure who has no place in Asgard," said Sif.
"SIF!"
"You don't have to leave or anything," said Sif, "I just want to hear you say it."
Jane pushed at the chandelier again. It didn't even budge. She had no choice. She took a deep breath.
"I'm a failure who has no place in Asgard…"
"What was that?" asked Sif with delight, "I couldn't quite hear you."
"I'm a failure who has no place in Asgard!" repeated Jane loudly.
"Indeed you are," said Sif, walking over and effortlessly pushing the chandelier off of Jane.
Jane brushed the rubble off herself as she rose to her feet, meekly looking up at
Sif.
"Something happen to your hammer?" asked Sif, looking around the room.
"...no," lied Jane after a moment, "No, I just didn't have it with me when Loki attacked."
Jane was already feeling small enough. She didn't need Sif laurding yet another failure over her head. After her humiliation at the hands of She-Hulk, Jane wasn't sure she could tolerate anyone knowing about this as well. She'd have to get the hammer back before anyone found out.
"Good," nodded Sif, "because the All-Mother has our new assignments."
Oh no... thought Jane, realizing the depths of the situation she had just gotten herself into.
"Where is Jane?" demanded Brunnhilde, impatiently drumming her fingers on the arm of the throne.
"She said she would be here shortly," said Sif, "I do not know more than that."
"Sorry everyone!" called out Jane, rushing in, "I got caught up in some stuff."
The stuff she had gotten caught up in was going great lengths to keep the theft of her hammer a secret. Since her armor and Asgardian clothes usually came from Mjolnir's magic, she had to find a whole new set of clothes and armor. It didn't fit as well as her normal set and without her enhanced strength she moved awkwardly in it.
To really sell her story, she had snuck into the kitchen and used a metal chopping block and rod and had strapped them together to look like a crude version of Mjolnir. It was currently hanging from her belt as she ran clanging into the room.
"Jane," said Brunnhilde, "Are you alright?"
"Of course I am!" panted Jane, doing her best to hide her stress and exhaustion, "Why do you ask?"
"Why is Mjolnir an ugly shade of brown?" asked Brunnhilde, tilting her head as she looked at the false hammer hanging off Jane's belt.
"Uh…" searched Jane, "It… transformed."
"Really?"
"Really."
Jane did not want the others to know that Loki had duped her out of her hammer. She had worked so hard to earn their respect. She had only just been made captain. She couldn't have them knowing that she fell for such a simple trick.
"Well then," smiled Brunnhilde, standing and bearing her own sword, "I suppose you wouldn't mind a quick sparring match before we get started, would you?"
"I'd really rather not-"
"Oh, I insist."
Brunnhilde got off the throne and walked down to the center of the room. The others cleared a space for the two to have their duel. Jane nervously brought her false Mjolnir up to fight.
She wouldn't kill me, right? wondered Jane, Even if she kicks my ass, she wouldn't kill me.
Jane and Brunnhilde had actually briefly shared a romantic relationship after the original Thor's departure. Their relationship ended when Jane chose to join the army, hoping to avoid the conflict of interest. It had been amicable, but it did make situations like this one rather awkward.
"You can make the first move," smiled Brunnhilde.
Jane moaned to herself for a second. This was going to suck. She swung her hammer at Brunnhilde, but the former Valkyrie effortlessly parried the blow and knocked the hammer into the far wall, shattering it. Onlookers gasped and murmured. Jane laughed nervously and shrugged.
Bunhilde gave Jane a light smack on the head with the back of her hand, pulled her cape up and over her face, and then delivered a forward kick to her chest and knocked her painfully onto her back several feet away. Jane was groaning and getting to her knees when Brunnhilde casually walked up and hooked the back of Jane's trousers with the tip of her sword, lifting her up by them and looking her in the eye.
"Jane," said Brunnhilde plainly, "Where is Mjolnir?"
"I don't know," admitted Jane sadly as she dangled from the sword, "Loki tricked me into sending it through a portal."
Several of the soldiers snickered at this. Jane curled up tightly and clenched her teeth in embarrassment.
"I see," said Brunnhilde, dropping Jane back onto the floor, "and you saw fit to hide this from me?"
"I'm so sorry, All-Mother!" apologized Jane, getting to her hands and knees, "I will make this right, I promise."
"Get up," said Brunnhilde, rolling her eyes and walking away.
"I will accept any punishment," said Jane humbly, standing up and lowering her head.
"Enough," said Brunnhilde impatiently, "If you want to make this right, you will stop making excuses and go retrieve your weapon like a true warrior."
"But how-"
"I'd start with the only other person that Loki has stolen it from."
"JANE FOSTER!" bellowed Thor, "It is good to see you again!"
Thor walked up to Jane with his arms wide open. Jane smiled as the two embraced. They hadn't spoken since the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. Since then, Jane had spent most of her time on Asgard and Thor had remained on Earth to host podcasts.
The two were in a small house where Thor and Seymour O'Reilly lived together. The place was a patchwork of clean and messy from room to room. A small television rested on a coffee table on one end of the room, where cartoons played silently.
"You seem to be doing well," noted Jane.
"Indeed!" he smiled back, "How about you, Jane Foster? How is Asgard?"
"Pretty good I guess," she shrugged.
"How is Loki?"
"That's actually what I came here to talk about," she said, "Loki's been up to her old tricks again."
"Ah," sighed Thor fondly, "That's Loki for you."
"She… Um…" admitted Jane bashfully, "Tricked me into throwing Mjolnir through a portal."
"Hm," nodded Thor, "Did she get you with the bait and switch? Or did she feign an attack?"
"She provoked me into getting angry."
"That is one of her favorites," noted Thor, "Do you have any idea where the portal led?"
"I heard humans on the other side," said Jane, "So probably somewhere here on Midgard. Any idea where?"
"Well Loki does love her grandiose displays of power," said Thor, "She probably made it land somewhere many people could see it."
"...let me check the news," said Jane, grabbing the remote.
"Good idea."
They turned the TV on to the news, where indeed there was a story on Mjolnir. The hammer had apparently fallen from the skies of Vegas and landed on the strip. A lengthy line had formed, where tourists were taking turns trying to lift it without success.
"That is funny," chuckled Thor, "You have to admit she can be quite clever."
"I feel like such an idiot…"
"Aw," frowned Thor, "Why? You are one of the smartest people I've met!"
"Thanks," she smiled weakly back at him, "but I keep falling for all her tricks."
"Well, of course! She's the Goddess of Mistress. Everyone falls for her tricks!"
"Yeah," realized Jane, "I used to wonder how she always got the best of you. I'm ashamed to admit that I even thought that it was because you were gullible. But you're right, deceiving people is what she does best. We have nothing to be ashamed of."
"Helllllllllo Migdardians!" came a voice from the TV.
Thor and Jane looked over to the screen. The reporter had disappeared and was replaced by Loki wearing a black suit with a green shirt, smugly holding a microphone. It looked like he was looking directly at Jane through the monitor.
"I imagine soon enough the Goddess of Thunder will be by to pick up her hammer," he said, "So I have a message for her for when she gets it."
"Great," groaned Jane.
"I have kidnapped Aelsa Featherwine of the Fay!" he announced gleefully, "I am holding her captive in my tower in Jotunheim! Come and rescue her if you dare!"
Jane clicked the TV off with her remote and got up to leave.
"Aelsa Featherwine…" muttered Thor to himself, "Why does that name sound familiar…"
"She's the queen of Alfheim," explained Jane grimly, "Her capture risks setting off a war between the realms."
"Ah yes," smiled Thor fondly, "Aelsa. Wait, where are you going?"
"I'm going to go get my hammer," said Jane as she walked toward the door, "Then I'm going to stop Loki!"
"Excellent!" beamed Thor, waving cheerily, "Best of luck to you!"
Most of Jotunheim was vast, desolate land of ice and wind. On one of the far edges of the realm, there was an upward slope that led to an outcropping over a chasm. Upon that outcropping was a tall and twisted black tower partially encased in ice.
A brilliant rainbow light appeared in the sky over the tower, signalling Jane's arrival from the Bifrost. The Goddess of Thunder meteored down moments later, crashing through the walls of the tower and making her way to the main foyer. To her surprise, that is where she found Loki and Aelsa.
Elsa was bound to the wall by chains. The elfish woman gave off a radiant aura, giving her an elegance even in this state. She wore a long, flowing gown and a scowl across her face. Loki stood beside her. Loki wore her emerald and golden armor, smugly twirling a knife around in her fingers as she smiled at Jane.
"So…" she mused, "You got my message."
"Release her, Loki!" ordered Jane, "I've lost my patience with you!"
"Thor looks… different…" commented Aelsa.
"Think of her as an understudy," chuckled Loki.
"ENOUGH!" roared Jane, hurling Mjolnir at Loki.
When the dust cleared from the impact, Loki was nowhere to be found. Jane willed Mjolnir back into her hand and spun around in search of Loki. She didn't see her anywhere. She turned to Aelsa.
"Don't worry, your majesty," reassured Jane, "I'll get you out of here!"
Aelsa didn't respond. She didn't seem convinced, although she didn't seem terribly concerned either.
"You sure about that?" taunted Loki from across the room.
"RAH!" cried Jane, pivoting and hurling her hammer in a single motion.
Mjolnir passed harmlessly through an image of Loki, dispersing it into a flash of emerald light. Jane looked around for any sign of the real Loki. Jane let out a shriek when she turned to several uru knives flying directly at her. She went to move out of the way, but the knives were moving too quickly. The next thing she knew, she was pinned to the wall by the knees of her trousers, the elbows of her tunic, and the shoulders of her cape.
"So aggressive!" commented Loki as she approached, "You are much easier to provoke than Thor. Why is that?"
"I don't like being mocked," admitted Jane quietly, "People have made fun of me my entire life. They laughed at my obsession with mythology and dedication to my grades. Then the very things they mocked led me to become a warrior!"
Jane punctuated her speech by ripping her arm free of the knife, tearing the elbow off her sleeve in the process. She then used that free hand to catch Mjolnir as it soared back to her. Then she released a burst of electromagnetic energy that scattered the knives and freed her from the wall.
"So I won't be laughed at any longer!" growled Jane, bearing the lightning-clad Mjolnir menacingly.
"You sure about that?"
Jane grunted in surprise as she felt Loki grab her cape and pull it down over her head. She had only just gotten the cape clear of her eyes when she felt her underwear get yanked sharply upwards before they snapped back, all bunched up. Jane moaned in discomfort.
"Oh my!" gasped Aelsa with a chuckle, "What was that?"
"It's called a wedgie," explained Loki with a grin, "It's a Midgardian prank."
"Her smallclothes are MOST amusing!" laughed Aelsa.
Jane blushed and looked over her shoulder. She was wearing a cyan blue pair of high-waisted undies dotted with white daisies. She quickly shoved them back into her trousers in embarrassment. It was times like this she wished Mjolnir granted her dignified Asgardian underwear to go with the rest of the costume.
"Look!" pointed Loki, "Now it's all bunched up in her behind and she has to pull it out."
Jane ignored the laughter from both parties, red-faced, as she finished fixing her wedgie and turned angrily back to Loki.
"I WON'T STAND FOR THIS!" she declared, releasing a stream of lightning directly at Loki.
To Jane's surprise, the attack connected directly. Loki screamed out in pain as lightning wrapped around her and burst through the cracks in her armor. When it cleared she was left on the ground, badly burnt and smoking.
"You win this round, Goddess of Thunder," she laughed weakly, "but next time you won't be so lucky!"
Loki shrank down until her armor and clothes fell away. A raven emerged from the armor and flew up into the sky. Jane made a swing at it, but it deftly dodged the blow and was quickly out of sight. Jane couldn't believe Loki could be that nimble after a direct bolt of lightning, even with magic.
"Your majesty," said Jane, taking a knee, "Allow me to apologize on behalf of Asgard."
"Oh, it's fine," dismissed Aelsa, "Just… Next time I hope to be rescued by someone with a little more dignity."
Jane bit her lip and turned red.
"And she is safe and sound?" confirmed Brunnhilde.
"Yes, All-Mother," said Jane, "However Loki did escape before I could capture her."
"Ugh," groaned Brunnhilde, resting her face in her hand, "This is going to be the 49th time Asgard has declared Loki a traitor. Do you have any idea why he kidnapped Lady Featherwine?"
"No," admitted Jane, realizing the strangeness of that just now, "I suppose I don't. He never mentioned any. He just told me that he had taken her."
"I see," said Brunnhilde, "Well, Asgard thanks you for your efforts as always. We will be on the lookout for Loki should she choose to do this again. You are dismissed."
Jane nodded and walked out of the room. Why did Loki kidnap Aelsa? The more Jane thought about it, the less it made sense. Loki hadn't demanded anything in exchange, hadn't made any threats, and hadn't even told anyone besides Jane that she had taken Aelsa. What was more, she had told Jane exactly where to find her. She had also lost that fight very suddenly and unexpectedly.
Did she… Want me to win?
"Well done, Goddess of Thunder!" said Loki as Jane passed him in the courtyard.
Loki was leaning against one of the columns holding up a large balcony, obscured in the shadow of it. It was only when Jane heard his voice that she saw him. He was wearing an all-black Asgardian suit with gold trim and adornments. He certainly didn't look like he had recently been struck by lightning.
"You!" said Jane quietly, "What are you doing!? What was all that!?"
"Just in good fun," shrugged Loki, "like I used to do with Thor."
"Were any of us ever in danger?" asked Jane.
Loki shrugged again.
"Loki!" hissed Jane.
"Sorry dear," smiled Loki, "It comes with the gig. You're stuck with me for as long as you hold that hammer. Or until I get bored."
Loki suddenly flashed away in a green light. Jane yelped. She felt her cape flutter as Loki stood up behind her, having emerged from beneath her cape. Jane reflexively grabbed Mjolnir as it hung from her belt.
"So jumpy," he said, "Tell you what: I'll give you a break before we do this again, starting right now. Sound good?"
"Tell you what," smirked Jane, "I'll give you a 5 second head start before I chase you down and bring you to the All-Mother. 5… 4…"
Loki took the hint and spun in a tight circle morphing into a raven as he did so and flying away quickly. Jane kept her eye on the bird as it grew distant. When the 5th second passed, she flung Mjolnir in the crow's direction.
Jane felt a tight tug at her waist. Then she saw, as if in slow motion, her hammer flying up into the air with something cyan-colored knotted to the leather strap. Jane felt herself get spun around 180 degrees by the waistband of her underwear before the full force of Mjolnir shot the underwear straight into Jane's vagina and butt with a hurricane-force burning impact that caused her to scream out. The screaming continued as Mjolnir soared across the sky, Jane trailing behind it as it pulled her along by the underwear. Loki smiled as he watched the fruits of his labor. When Loki had appeared from under Jane's cape earlier, he had just finished magically attaching her underwear to the strap of the hammer.
"Okay," smiled Loki, "I lied. It's starting right now."