Hey y'all, just popping in to let you know that I published a new Gonkillu/Hisoillu fic titled "Metanoia". If you're enjoying this story, you might like that one, too. If it interests you, please check it out sometime! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Why?

The same question had been circling around and around in Killua's head ever since he'd woken up in the palace infirmary with a throbbing wound on his shoulder and aching bruises scattered across his torso.

Why did Father try to kill me?

Killua could only vaguely remember what had happened. Silva was angry with him for wanting to marry Gon, so they had gotten into an argument. For the Zoldycks, arguments always meant violence, so Killua fully expected the pain. He didn't expect his father to grab a knife and try to run him through with it, though. That was a whole new level of aggression, even for Silva.

Killua vaguely remembered the blade piercing his skin, sinking deep into his flesh. He remembered the feeling of warm blood bubbling out of the tear in his skin after Silva yanked the dagger out. He remembered hearing his mother screaming. But then, he remembered nothing at all.

Why was Aniki crying?

The first time Killua regained consciousness after being stabbed, he was lying face-up in a sobbing Illumi's arms. Killua was in shock from what he'd just experienced, so he didn't really register where he was or what was going on around him. His brain had felt foggy and blank, as if someone had stuffed a bunch of clouds into his skull. His mind was stuck on loop, running through the same phrases over and over again.

He stabbed me... Why'd he stab me... I think he wants to kill me... My shoulder hurts... Everything hurts... Don't cry, Aniki, please don't cry... Why are you crying...

He'd fallen unconscious again after that, only to wake up in the infirmary later. He was alone, with the exception of Illumi. The ravenette was kneeling at the edge of the cot, clinging to Klllua's hand like a lifeline, sobbing so quietly it was almost inaudible. His narrow shoulders were heaving, entire body trembling. A thick white bandage was wound around his head, concealing his right eye entirely from view. The bandage itself had speckles of pinkish-red blood seeping through the otherwise clean fabric. Killua dully remembered seeing the ugly, discolored gash on Illumi's temple earlier.

Killua managed to make out what Illumi was saying, though he was difficult to understand. His voice was so weak, so full of anguish.

"I'm sorry, Killu, I failed you. I'm such a bad big brother, I don't deserve you. You didn't deserve this. I should've been able to protect you, but I didn't and now you're suffering for it. I'm so sorry, could you ever forgive me? I'm sorry."

You're not a bad big brother, Aniki, Killua wanted to say, but his mouth was dry and he couldn't find the strength to speak. So he just thought it instead, because thinking didn't hurt and maybe that would be enough. You're the best big brother ever. I'll be okay, I'll get better and everything will go back to normal. Please don't cry.

"Don't hate me forever, Killu, I'm sorry. I'll find a way to fix this. I'll make it better."

I can't hate you.

The soft sound of a door opening reached Killua's ears. He glanced over at the entrance to the infirmary, where a familiar figure stood. It was Gon, his face twisted with worry, eyes wide with fear.

Father wants him dead, too. Why is he still here? He needs to run! Killua realized, eyes widening ever so slightly. He didn't know what he would do if something bad happened to Gon. It's the one thing in life I truly fear, because without him, I am nothing.

"I-Is he gonna be okay?" Gon's voice was shaky, almost unrecognizable. He didn't look hurt, but he did look scared. Very, very scared, as if he'd been chased through the palace by evil things. "He looks to be awake right now. Can I talk to him?" he hesitantly took two steps into the room, pausing and waiting for Illumi's permission to come closer.

"He can't talk right now, though he is awake." Illumi replied, trying and failing to cover up the fact he'd been an emotional mess not thirty seconds ago. "The doctor said it's because he's weak. Dealing with an injury of this size and depth takes all the energy he has in him."

"Oh, okay..." Gon looked slightly downcast, though his eyes lingered on Killua's. "May I come see him, then?"

Illumi stared at the tan boy until the hypnotic effect in his dark, snakelike eyes forced Gon to look away. "You may." Illumi said, nodding slightly. "But if you do anything that has even the slightest chance of hurting him, I'm going to kill you."

Gon would never hurt me, Killua thought, but he understood his brother's overprotective behavior. I'm pretty sure I'm lucky to be alive. Aniki's reeling from the shock of almost losing me. What would've happened to him if I had died in his arms?

"Hey, Killua." Gon's soft, low voice jolted the young Zoldyck out of his thoughts. Gon had moved, and was now standing beside Illumi, eyes welling up with tears as he looked over Killua's bruised body. "I'm sorry I didn't visit earlier, I was talking things over with Kurapika. He found out what happened last night because Hisoka told him, so I had to spend most of last night and all of this morning convincing him to let me stay here. I also had to find and yell at Hisoka for obvious reasons."

Killua couldn't stand the sight of Gon's unshed tears, so he closed his eyes, blocking it out. He wished he could do something, like reach out and hold Gon's hand. But nope, Killua still couldn't move. He felt about as useful as a cauliflower.

"Hisoka's an idiot," Illumi declared, having regained most of his eerily calm composure. "If you decided to end his life in any way, shape or form, I would cover for you."

"Thanks, Illumi." Gon flashed the ravenette a genuine smile.

Killua desperately wished he could move. He wanted to open his mouth and tell everyone that he would be okay, they didn't have to worry. He wanted to open his eyes and see Gon's bright, smiling face instead of the pained grimace and tear-filled eyes. Killua just hated being completely helpless. He hated not being able to do all the things he wanted to, like comforting his best friend and older brother. He didn't like being weak, he felt pathetic.

Thinking is not enough.

He was too tired to do anything. He decided that it would be best to sleep now and recover his energy so he'd be able to communicate the next time he woke up.

"He's sleeping now." Illumi said, softly. "You are welcome to stay here if you wish. All I ask is that you let him sleep. I want to be able to talk to my little brother, but I won't get the chance if he doesn't regain his strength." there was a painful sort of longing in his voice that cut right through to Gon's sensitive heart.

Words could not even begin to describe how badly Gon ached for Killua and Illumi. They were suffering so much right in front of him, and there was absolutely nothing he could do. He was just the bystander, the fly on the wall that saw everything but was powerless to do anything. He wished he could do something, anything to lessen the pain they were going through.

Eventually, Illumi started looking extremely pale and sickly, probably from the deep gash on the side of his head. His skin was completely void of color and he was shivering almost violently where he sat, his eyes glazed over. That was when Gon decided it would be best to get someone who could talk the ravenette into leaving his wounded brother's side.

As it turned out, Gon didn't need to go anywhere or do anything because Hisoka came in all on his own for the sake of checking up on everyone.

I have never seen this side of that creepy magician before, Gon thought to himself, as he watched a look of concern flit across Hisoka's face the moment he laid eyes on Illumi. He's genuinely worried about us. Well, mostly about Illumi, but I can tell he cares about Killua and I. Just because he's a sadistic freak doesn't mean he enjoys seeing how the Zoldycks abuse their children.

"Something's not right here, darling." Hisoka said, as he knelt down beside Illumi. "I'm sure you've noticed it, too."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Illumi declared, turning up his chin and making a huge show of ignoring Hisoka.

"You can't fool me, I know you're smarter than that. But, since you insist on being self-destructive once again, I'll gladly spell it out for you. You look awful. When was the last time you slept? Or ate? Or had that wound looked at?"

Illumi grimaced, reaching up to touch the bandage wound around his head. "Go away, Hisoka." he said, after a painfully long moment of silence. "I'm fine. I want to stay with Killu."

"Well, what would young Killua think if he woke up to find you a trembling, unhealthy mess like you are right now? He'd be very concerned. Do you really want him to see you like this?" Hisoka reasoned, reaching out and tentatively placing his hand over the other male's. Illumi immediately recoiled, making the magician snicker. "Ah, you're so predictable sometimes. Come on, stop being stubborn. We need to get you taken care of so you can look after your little brother in semi-decent health."

"I... I don't want to go." Illumi's voice was still as calm and cold as ever, but his eyes told a different story. He was scared. Scared of what might happen if he left Killua alone. "I want to stay here."

"I'll look after Killua while you're away," Gon suggested. Hisoka threw him a grateful look. "I won't let anything bad happen to him, I promise."

Illumi eyed the Southern Prince skeptically for a moment. He had never so much as dared to leave his precious little brother in the hands of someone else. It was too risky. But Gon seemed trustworthy enough, and Illumi knew Hisoka was right. It was time to take a break and get himself taken care of, seeing as his health was only deteriorating more and more by the second.

But Killu...

"Give me your word you'll keep him safe. I'm not leaving unless I can be absolutely certain no harm will come to him in my absence."

"You have my word." Gon nodded.

"Fine." Illumi stood up. The moment he was upright, he shuddered and wobbled a bit, as if he were about to fall over. Hisoka reached out to steady the ravenette, but Illumi slapped his hand away. "I can walk." he hissed, between gritted teeth.

"If you say so." Hisoka shrugged and rose to his feet, following the prince out of the room.

Gon sighed heavily and sat down on the edge of the cot, covering his face with both hands. The silence that had fallen over the room was almost unbearable, broken only by the sounds of Killua's deep, even breathing.

The wounded prince looked so peaceful, so beautiful despite the fact his body was mottled with dark bruises and his shoulder was a mess of bandages. His pale face was slack, completely and utterly relaxed, giving him a soft, angelic appearance. Gon was suddenly grateful that it was impossible to feel pain while asleep. Killua would have at least a couple hours of peace before he woke up and had to face the excruciating agony of a stab wound once again. Somehow, the knowledge that his relief was only temporary made his appearance seem less peaceful and more pitiful.

"I'll do whatever I can to protect you, Killua. I'll make sure to take you back to the Southern kingdom, far away from these cold, lonely mountains, where your family will never be able to hurt you ever again." Gon whispered, though he knew nobody could hear him. "That is my promise to you. Should I ever break it, your brother will have every right in the world to hunt me down and gut me like a fish."

Gon wished he had the power to undo the fact he'd run away and left his beloved behind. He wished he could go back in time and snatch Killua up before his father could hurt him. Gon didn't like knowing he could've spared Killua all this pain and suffering had he stayed put or tried to bring Killua out of the room with him.

All this pain... simply because I love him? How is that a crime?

It wasn't. Gon knew it wasn't. But he couldn't help feeling as if he'd done something wrong.

I knew it wouldn't be easy to convince his family to give him up, but I had no idea it would be this bad. Why is it so damn difficult to have the one person I've ever fallen in love with?

Gon was honestly glad nobody else was in the room, because he had begun to cry. Warm tears of anguish rolled down his tan face, leaving dark, translucent marks behind. He felt weak and pathetic, like he couldn't do anything except sit around and wait for things to get better. His heart was aching, almost as if it were too exhausted to continue beating in his chest. Oh, what he wouldn't give to just run back home right now.

But he promised he wouldn't leave until Killua was free to come with him. So he stayed right where he was, allowing himself to weep for his best friend.

"Yikes." Hisoka said, simply.

The magician had busied himself with unwinding the long strip of gauze bandaging wrapped around Illumi's head for the sake of examining and cleaning the wound. The moment the bandage was completely gone, Hisoka winced and started reaching for the various medical supplies he'd stolen from the infirmary.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Illumi asked, flinching as the cold air hit the open wound to his temple, which was aching and throbbing dreadfully.

"You really shouldn't have gone for so long without having this looked at, darling. It looks to be infected." Hisoka declared, soaking a strip of cloth in some kind of antibiotic fluid.

"Oh." Illumi blinked, unfazed. That certainly explained the nausea and the excessive pain. "As long as it's fixable, I don't mind."

"Fortunately for you, we caught it early so it isn't too bad yet. But it's still a problem. Infections are bad news." Hisoka took his soaked cloth and wadded it up, coming to sit down beside Illumi. "This might sting a little." the magician began dabbing at the wound on Illumi's temple with the cloth, gently cleaning away the dried blood and puss oozing from the discolored, jagged edges of torn skin.

Illumi sucked in a breath. He could see now that "this might sting a little" was a gross understatement. It hurt like hell. If it weren't for his stunning ability to remain completely and utterly silent no matter the circumstance, he probably would've cried out.

"Why do you insist on doing everything for me?" he asked, choosing to make conversation as a means of distracting himself from the pain. "I could've done this myself. Also, where did you learn to identify and treat infections? I didn't think they offered medical training for palace officials."

"Because you already work so hard as it is. Besides, doing things for you makes me happy, it gives me an excuse to spend time with you. You're so interesting that, even during dark times like these, there's never a dull moment." Hisoka smiled, eyes glued to his work so he didn't accidentally get Illumi's eye. "I chose to take a course in both basic and advanced medical practices because I thought it might come in handy someday. After all, there are a few people I don't want to die until I kill them."

"That's... odd." Illumi grimaced, fighting off a wave of nausea that threatened to completely overwhelm him. "So you're telling me you took a professional training course for the sake of saving people, only to kill them later?" he didn't know if he'd ever truly understand Hisoka; that man did whatever the hell he wanted.

"Yup!" Hisoka's smile only broadened, twisting into his usual smirk. "Very efficient, if I do say so myself..."

"Is that why you're helping me right now? Because you want to kill me later?" Illumi wondered, as a shadow of suspicion arose in his mind. Now that he thought about it, he didn't doubt for a second that Hisoka might harbor some sort of ill will towards him. Hisoka loved fighting and killing those who he considered equals. Illumi knew he could handle the threat with ease, but that didn't mean he wanted to. As unbelievable as it may seem, he really and truly didn't want to kill Hisoka.

"No, darling, of course not. I'm certain you'd make a formidable opponent, but I'm not about to ruin the only thing I've ever found in my lifetime that I consider beautiful." Hisoka reassured. He hesitated before adding, "I don't want to kill you, but really I ought to. You're bad for my heart."

"I'm not sure I understand." Illumi was suddenly unable to meet the other's gaze, so he stared down at the floor instead. He felt a warmth spreading through his cheeks that wasn't there before. Blushing again? Seriously? Pathetic...

"You don't have to. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Given your background and current habits, I think it's safe to see you don't see yourself the same way I do. I hope to change that someday." Hisoka declared, putting the cloth off to one side and reaching for a fresh roll of bandage.

Illumi was silent for a long time, wiggling his feet around like he always did when he was either thinking about something, flustered, or both. It was endearing, Hisoka thought to himself. He didn't understand how any one person could be both warm and cold, soft and strong, smooth and jagged all at the same time. But that's exactly what Illumi was. He was everything, and he was nothing. I really should kill him one of these days, but... I'm not sure I'd be able to. He's woven a spell over me that I don't think I can break.

"You think I'm beautiful?" the ravenette finally asked, his voice a lot softer than it was before. He still couldn't meet Hisoka's eyes.

"Yeah, I do." Hisoka replied. He had never been more genuine in his entire life.

"Why?"

"I don't know. Couldn't explain it even if I tried. You're sorely mistaken if you think I understand how my own mind works. I confuse the hell out of myself on a daily basis." Hisoka snickered, winding the roll of clean bandaging around Illumi's head, covering up the nasty wound on his temple. Illumi's lips twitched upward in the tiniest ghost of a smile, but the moment the magician noticed it, it was gone. He still allowed himself a small moment of internal triumph, though. That slight suggestion of a smile was all Hisoka needed to know he'd finally started breaking through Illumi's numerous emotional facades and defenses. "Remember to come see me twice a day to get this cleaned and have the bandages changed, okay?" Hisoka made sure the fresh bandage was secure and ran a hand through his violently red hair, grinning from ear to ear.

"Fair enough. Can I please go now?" Illumi asked, finally raising his eyes to meet Hisoka's.

"Nope! We still have to get you fed and hydrated. Don't want you collapsing on the floor or anything like that." the magician declared, taking hold of Illumi's arm and guiding him toward the door. As always, Illumi reacted negatively toward the touch and yanked his arm out of Hisoka's grasp, muttering something about how much he hated being touched.

Ah, I really should kill him. But it's too addicting, the way I get to unwrap his cold, hard exterior little by little, slowly revealing the soft beauty beneath. The more I see, the more addicted I become. I eagerly await the day in which I fully unravel him, because I just know his true personality - the one his parents have forced him to lock away - will wind up being the most beautiful, interesting thing I'll ever see in my life. Oh, what an experience that will be. Hisoka thought, as he walked down the long hall with Illumi at his heels.

Illumi was deep in thought too, but for different reasons. For some reason, he couldn't get over the fact he'd been called beautiful. He couldn't remember the last time he'd ever been told such a thing. He knew he shouldn't allow himself to be sweet-talked by such a creep, but he couldn't help it. That was the only time Illumi had really and truly felt beautiful, even if the feeling only lasted a couple seconds.

Is this what Killu feels when he's around that Southern Prince?

To be continued...

A/N: I apologize for the shorter chapter, I'll be honest I was lowkey desperate to publish something after my note regarding the angry child that's been harassing me for some time now (I had to delete yet another one of her nasty reviews today, it gets old after awhile) so I wound up rushing the details in this chapter just a lil bit, making it shorter than it should've been. I also wanted to get started on the next chapter of a brand new Gonkillu/Hisoillu fic I started writing, titled "Metanoia", so I went speedy and wrote this chapter as quickly as possible. Yes, I know I mentioned my new fic earlier, but in all honesty I have no idea if people even read these notes lol.

Eyyyyy thanks so much for reading! Please remember to leave a review on your way out, I'd love to hear what you think of this story so far! As always, please remember to take care of yourselves. Love y'all, see you next chapter!

-UltimatexAdmin