The group had been walking for what felt like hours. Though it mostly felt that way due to the awkward, stony silence Dipper had adopted in Marius's presence.
"You okay?" Pacifica whispered.
"I can't believe he had to be here. Of all the people. Gideon would have been better."
"Hey, I get it, but you could at least try to be friendlier. I'm pretty sure he's not involved-"
"He wants to get involved with you, that's all I need."
"Pretty sure Grenda's more his type."
Dipper rolled his eyes and huffed. "Look, I'm sorry, but- man, he irritates me."
"He's friendly enough, Dip."
"Too friendly. The jerk."
"If nothing else, it might be useful having him here, right?"
"Sure. I'm sorry, I just-"
"Hey." Pacifica smiled and stopped him, holding his cheek. "Relax. Nothing's getting in the way of us. I promise."
Dipper glanced momentarily to Wendy as she helped the others climb up the increasingly steep slope - then back to Pacifica. He hesitated for longer than he cared to consider, then broke into a wide smile and dropped his guard, if only for a moment.
"You're amazing, Pacifica."
"Heh. I guess that must be new." Pacifica beamed, holding his waist. "Maybe I got it from you, you dork."
They smiled, and leaned closer, wordlessly, closing their eyes - only for the torch of Soos's cellphone to break that moment of solace. The entire group interrupted them, with Mabel and Wendy both eagerly teasing them with dog-whistles and cheering.
The two blushed furiously.
"Don't stop on our accord, guys." Wendy grinned, waving away the situation. "I get it, sometimes you gotta break off-"
"And shoot for tonsil tennis!" Mabel piped in, prompting Wendy to crack up into hysterics.
"Guys, this is a serious thing." Dipper snapped back. "Keep it together!"
"We can tell it's getting serious, Dip!" Wendy grinned, shooting finger guns at the couple.
Even Pacifica giggled at that one. For Dipper, who was going through a pile of concerns of his own, it was only more humiliating to see Wendy egging it on, in leagues with his sister. It wasn't made much better by Marius's vacant, stupid smile as he stood politely, waiting for them to move on.
Dipper gritted his teeth, resisting his instincts to blame everything on him, and rubbed the bridge of his nose.
Soos rubbed his chin - what little chin he had, in the place of his neck. "Dudes, I get that this romance stuff is like, cute city - but what exactly are we lookin' for? We can't see junk."
"We just need a fairly solid surface." Mabel said, animatedly, skipping over to one of the firmer-looking stone walls."Then we can knock for the Knocker!"
"Let's not knock for the Knocker." Pacifica replied.
"Imma knock for the Knocker!"
"Seriously, don't-"
But it was too late. The overly-cheerful - and fiercely determined - teenager rapped her hand against the limestone in a musical rendition of nothing in particular. It knocked gently, revealing - to their surprise - that the wall was hollow. An impressively detailed, realistic facade that sounded more like plywood than it did stone.
"Guess they learnt how to paint." Pacifica said.
"Guess they ripped out half of the Knocker's tunnels." Mabel added, bitterly.
"One thing to thank them for." Huffed the Northwest heir.
All the same, they waited for him, confident that the Cornish wall-dweller would show himself.
A moment passed, then another, then another. Soos sniffed his fingers while they waited for the old Knocker to finally arrive.
They were surprised when that was specifically what didn't happen. Instead, Jeff the gnome hopped out of a little door, shut it behind him and strolled along pleasantly with a bag over his shoulder, whistling a jolly tune.
He walked past them happily, then froze as the penny dropped. Sure, it took about a minute and a half, but the end result, ultimately, was one and the same. "Oh man. How do you guys keep managing to get involved with private gnome stuff?"
"Probably because you seem to have a different grift every week." Pacifica snarked, rolling her eyes.
"This isn't a grift, we're just customers!"
"Customers for what?" Dipper asked, his eyes narrowing.
"...Gotta go." Jeff replied, running off as fast as his tiny legs would carry him. "I - I have to make dinner for my sparrow-wife!"
Soos stepped in front of him with his arms crossed and lifted the bag out of Jeff's hands with minimal effort. "This better be kosher, dude. I know the sorta things people buy in underground rackets and I don't wanna see it spreadin'."
"Please, you don't understand, we need this! We need this!"
Soos looked in the bag, and stared, his face contorting into a glare of pure, unadulterated disapproval. "My god, dude. How did you fall so far?"
"What? What is it?!" Dipper, Pacifica and Mabel tried to fight for a glance as Soos and Wendy glared at the gnome.
There, inside the canvas bag, there was a generous bundle of brownies. Still warm. Alluringly scented. Packed with dark chocolate and strawberries. Pacifica almost immediately recognised them.
Jeff winced and awkwardly twisted his foot on the floor. "Please don't tell my sparrow-wife."
"You've got a lot of explaining to do." Pacifica replied. "These are from the Seafood Restaurant that burnt down the other day."
Dipper raised an eyebrow. "Huh? How do you know?"
"They're practically the only decent thing that place sold. I'd recognise them from a mile away."
"Dude, she's totally right." Soos added, having already started eating one. "I'm pretty sure I can pick up a tiny hint of French seafood preparation gloves, fine Belgian chocolate from four beans, local strawberries, a taste of gluten-free flour for that perfect texture-"
The kids were immediately impressed. Not often that a dessert connoisseur performed their art to an audience - and this, this was like a watercolour in motion. A beautiful portrait of a brownie. An oil painting of its life from cocoa-field to plate.
"Man, you can really pick that up from one bite?" Mabel stared, holding her cheeks in unbridled awe. "That's amazing, Soos!"
"Mabel, Soos can tell which cocoa bean picker has been involved with his favourite candy bar. He started a pen-pal friendship with one of them, once." Wendy smiled. "They almost got married a few years back."
"She was my first true love." Soos nodded. "Until the uprising. There was no time for war, then. Only revolucion and bloodshed."
"What happened?"
"I think she took over a small country near the Dominican Republic. Small thing, y'know? 300-man army, palace by the sea, a freeze-dried coffee biz. She still sends me Christmas Cards."
Dipper blinked. "Huh. Nice."
The rest of the time murmured in agreement and nodded appreciatively. The bizarre - albeit strangely profound - romantic anecdote had led to them almost forgetting the plight of Jeff and his apparent dealing in illegal pastries.
Until he jumped up, grabbed the bag and scarpered off down the tunnel, disappearing into the darkness. "I didn't have anything to do with burning restaurants, I'm just a customer! Take it up with the Big Man! I'm just a little man! A little man!"
"Heh. He is a little man." Mabel smiled with hands on her hips. "You gotta give him that, right?"
"Guess the entrance to The Crawlspace is through that cute little door." Soos said, tapping it with his foot. "Any guesses how to get through the rest?"
All eyes fell to Wendy, who pulled out her axe and spun it in her hand with a wide grin. "You want me to do it clean, or go full on Corduroy?"
"Hey, we won't judge." Dipper grinned - attempting to shoot finger guns with the wrong fingers. And desperately hoping nobody would notice after he realised.
Marius tried to speak up in protest - but it was too late. The plywood facade inside the network of Crawlspace tunnels had fallen victim to the wrath of a Corduroy scorned. There was only chaos. Chaos, splinters, and the sound of crashing lumber.
Deep in the hollows beyond, they could already hear tiny, strong-accented tones exclaiming in surprise and anger. The Clurichauns were no doubts busy - but the noise of a busy Corduroy with her axe was practically enough to raise the dead. (and had once, in 2010).
Tiny motors could be heard, an overflow of commotion, and a sudden jettison of fairies, nymphs, manotaurs and gnomes. The mob was clearing out and preparing for invasion.