The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Chapter 8: Esther - Part 3: Everything in Equal Share
Kronos: "We think alike, we always have."
Methos: "I doubt that, Kronos. No one thinks quite like you."
Kronos: "Spoken like a true scholar."
(Highlander: TV series - from episode 'Revelation 6:8')
Bronze Age – ca. 1700 B. C.
Immortality!
The chance to outlive years, centuries or even millennia.
The chance to see things no one else will ever come to see.
The chance to do things no one else will ever be able to do.
The chance to experience things no one else will ever experience.
Who has not dreamt of being immortal within some quiet hours or lonely nights?
Of living forever?
Of living untouched by disease, lingering illness, death and decay?
Who has not dreamt of being able to see how great cultures come and go, how civilizations rise and vanish and to witness, how the world changes.
There is nothing condemnable neither within the dream nor within the thought, and both isn't absurd either, but only those do really long for it, who are not aware of what the meaning really is of outwearing millennia.
Immortality does not mean to be caught within a continual adventure and to get carried from one amazing place to another. First of all, its meaning is to get used to the losses you will suffer year in and year out, and to develop the ability of not to run mad due to everything and everyone you will lose, always in the know that you will remain alone again in the end – no matter how many tries you will make to forget about it.
And then, there is the 'Game' with its perfidious rules telling us that there can be only one of us staying alive for the sake of mankind in the end.
And so we are forced to follow the rules, forced to fight each other to fulfil our fate like pawns on a chessboard, regardless the fact, that our last opponent also could be a friend of ours for centuries. Some of us fail and lose their heads, most of us will before the day of the last duel arrives.
Makes the idea of living an immortal life less appealing, doesn't it?
I often thought about how I'd have decided if I'd have given a choice at the time my first death occurred and I'm not sure. If I'd have known about the 'Game' and it's rules from the very beginning, I think, I'd have chosen a mortal life...most probably...
Up till today, I survived for more than five thousand years and during this barely imaginable long span of life, I succeeded more than once to withdraw from the 'Game' for rather long periods of time. When MacLeod stumbled into my flat in Paris several years ago, I hadn't taken a head for about two-hundred years.
Ironically, I might even be one of the immortals who - measured by their immense span of life - only have a small amount of heads on their charts.
Some would assume it was because I was tired of bloodshed and they wouldn't even be wrong. Wrong would only be assuming it had to do with Kronos and the time I spent as one of the Horsemen. That time, I did not fully regret at all.
Some would assume it was because having outlived five millennia would necessarily lead to feeling worn out and drained and they wouldn't be totally wrong, either. Wrong would only be assuming I turned moody and lost my will to live - although, this failure in rating my reasons often turned out to serve me perfectly well as a vantage in a fight.
The truth is, even if sometimes I feel endlessly tired and even if I might have lost the fire and the passion necessary to face those countless fights we have to undergo to win the 'Prize' the 'Game' would promise us, I never lost the will to live. My curiosity of coming to know about everything, that will happen next around me, still prevails the wish of letting this enormous period of time finally come to an end. Although, to be honest, I've to admit, I never managed to get used to all the losses I had to suffer throughout my long and immensely filled life and I fear, I never will...
So, keeping all of this in mind and thinking it over, what is immortality then?
A gift? A donation? A privilege? A Trial?
The first step to immortality is death and each of us, no matter if we'd end up as the good, the bad or the ugly (I can tell you, some are), had to die first, before immortality brought us back to life and not every man or woman who returned from dead turned out to really be a blessing to the world.
Being immortal does not mean to solely live amongst our own kind. If we'd do, the meaning of the 'Game' surely would be even more abstract than it already is. We're forced to live a life amongst mortals, forced to keep silent about who or what we are – and it is not always as easy as it sounds.
It means to belie those amongst the mortals about our condition we love, if we're not willing to break the rules and let them in on our secret.
It means watching those amongst the mortals we love to get older and die while we remain untouched by age and death.
It means being exposed to superstition, prejudice and delusion as soon as there shows up the slightest hint of being different from the rest.
It means being forced to give up a life we loved to live and to start a new life with a new identity in another place as soon as our condition shows that we won't change in age or appearance.
And whenever it happens, we lose another little piece of our selves...
When I came across Kronos, Silas and Caspian for the first time, I already had outlived a millennium without having been aware, what the meaning of losing pieces of myself really was about or what the meaning of suffering losses really was about...
All I had was a vague guess.
Gotten thrown back into life without having had the slightest idea what happened to me and why, meant the first loss to me, because, how should a simple tribe of nomads understand what not even the best scientists of the world would be able to explain many centuries later...
The gift – or the curse – of not growing older meant the second loss to me, because, how should those I lived amongst understand what I myself could not... While they grew old and died, my appearance and my features were still those of the young man they once admitted to their circle.
Not being able to die neither due to illness, poison or a blade as long as I would be able to keep my head upon my shoulders, meant the third loss to me, because, where I owned the blessing of wounds and injuries to heal rapidly, the same wounds, injuries and illnesses caused the death of those I found myself surrounded by. Without fail and without exception – friends, enemies and all those I loved.
Maybe, this was one of the reasons why I developed a deep love and interest for healing and medicine from the very beginning...
When I decided that it was time to turn my back on Kronos, Silas and Caspian and with them on the life I led as Death, another millennium had passed by.
I still knew only little about the true meaning of being immortal and how it would affect my life within the centuries to come except that if I wanted to survive, I had to take other immortals heads before they would be able to take mine.
What I knew for real and true, though, was, that most of those, who were not like me treated me with distrust and suspicion and most of them were mortals. So, why should I've shown them mercy, sympathy or even trust, where I was able to cause them fear, nightmares, angst and death at will?
Where there was nothing able to hurt me?
No one and nothing but me...
No one and nothing but my brothers...
"Thinking of what I've in mind to become our next undertaking, this place is most suitable and absolutely perfect."
Kronos shot us all a glance – one after the other – while he slowly turned round himself and while his wide-spread arms seemed to include the whole place and everything it was surrounded by. He was obviously captured by an idea and excited about making plans for a new raid and, therefore, he missed some not unimportant details.
This absolutely perfect and most suitable place, he had chosen for setting up camp, was located close to the steep coast and some almost completely derelict clay huts told us their own story of a long forgotten settlement having been abandoned a rather long time ago. The constantly blowing wind, the salty breeze coming from the sea and the course of time had just left a handful of barely noticeable ruins.
Within a radius of a ride of about the longest three days a handful of settlements was located and still inhabited. I knew, there was some brisk trade amongst some of them and if my memories did not betray me, there was also a small port located not more than a few days away from our camp. It wasn't possible to compare it to Alexandria, the impressive Egyptian port meant to be built several decades later, but it would do to get a passage aboard a merchant ship – if necessary. So, this time, we found ourselves surrounded by settlements and their inhabitants, which was a completely new situation for us.
Whatever Kronos had in mind to take this place for perfect and most suitable, his plan had either to be extraordinarily well-thought-out or not to the slightest little part at all.
I exchanged a look with Silas and Caspian, not really astonished to find surprise and a certain amount of perplexity mirrored upon their faces, and remarked: "So, this is what you name perfect? Well, I'm not intending to rob you of your illusion, brother, but this place is definitely not perfect. Except for being a perfect mousetrap!"
"A mousetrap?" Kronos stopped amidst his move, but he did not turn round to face me: "Was this, what you said right now?"
"You got me very well, Kronos, and also the meaning of my words. Behind us lies the desert, in front of us we face the sea and we're surrounded by numerous smaller and bigger settlements." I frowned and went on: "Sounds very cosy and inviting. The more, if I dare to make a guess, how fast rumour will spread: the Horsemen settle down close to the cliff line. Great news I would name it. Great news, indeed..."
"Who speaks of settling down here, brother...?"
"No one! And it's not, what I claim to happen, but you have to admit that if you've planned to stay here for a while, you will barely be able to avoid causing a stir."
"Don't worry about such negligibilities! I think, we will be able to avoid any kind of causing a stir, because, right now, I've not in mind to tell any of those fools surrounding us, who we really are. I've a plan and you will be helpful in accomplishing it. As always. There's neither a problem about it nor a secret..."
"You really believe in your masterly plan then, that everyone will take it for true, if we will act merchants, nomads or even settlers? Sorry, brother, but if I am barely able to believe this, how shall they?"
Thinking of this idea caused me to grin and I wasn't able to hide it.
"Why not?" Kronos asked dangerously stern: "If it serves its purpose..."
"Tell me, since when it is that you're so extremely patient?"
"Trust me, Methos, not even eternity would be enough for you to understand what's really going on behind my brow and what my plans are really about."
"If it comes to me, there's no need to change this. And maybe you're right." Kronos didn't give me a reply, so I just shrugged and added: "I guess, people might be willing to believe you and me to be something different but warriors, but I doubt this will apply for Silas and Caspian as well..."
"Do you really think I did not think this over?" Kronos turned round and glared at me: "What do you think, why I'm in need of you and your skills, brother? You will have a look-around and provide me with a strategy."
"Is that so?"
"It has been like that since I refrained from taking your head when first we met and it will remain that way until the end of time!"
"You seem to be dead certain about the Horsemen riding together forever, huh?"
"Up till today, I had no doubt about you. You never had any scruples, if it came to chopping heads or pillaging villages. But who knows. Maybe I'm wrong. Things are changing, men as well. So why shouldn't you...?"
"Me? Why should I feel the urge to change? You're the one, who wants to hole up here between the sea and the desert..."
"Holing up is such a nasty description. Let's say, I decided to do what you wanted me to do for a long time. I start waiting for the opportune moment..."
"Here and now?"
I still was and remained sceptical and Kronos knew. None of this really made sense. Neither the place nor the point of time were chosen tactically clever and even if Kronos would possibly be able and willing to stay patient, I would not dare to claim the same about Silas and Caspian.
Kronos beheld me for a while before he said: "As soon as the camp got built up, I expect you to join me within my tent! You will come to know about everything I have in mind, then..."
With it he turned round and vanished in the direction, where the ruins of the former settlement could be found...
To think about leaving slaughter and bloodshed behind for a while, pleased me much more, than I would openly admit while staying in the company of my so-called brothers, especially while staying in the company of Kronos.
I knew, it would neither get easy to turn my back on our alliance nor would it become unperilous, but the more often I thought about it, the more alluring it appeared to me to take this risk. Even, if I would just do it to get Esther out of here.
Esther!
I found myself thinking of her more and more often, longing for her; for her and everything we shared, and I asked myself how long I would be able to convince my brothers, that she was nothing to me but just another slave girl, while she actually meant much more to me than any slave as she had never been one, and, so far, I had no answer to the question, if I would ever be able to admit this openly, one day.
I wasn't afraid about me or my fate. The worst thing Kronos could possibly do to me was taking my head.
So, no! I wasn't afraid about me. I was afraid about Esther and I was hell-bent to spare her from a fate like the one Cassandra had to suffer, no matter the price I would have to pay in the end...
However, I had no idea, yet, of how to succeed in doing so, when I entered Kronos' tent later that day. All I knew was, that I had to bury those thoughts deep inside my innermost.
"Come in, brother! I knew, I can still trust in you!"
Kronos waved me to come closer with an inscrutable grin. He sat amongst a pile of cushions spread on the floor around the fireplace in the middle of his tent and he seemed to be very pleased with himself. I almost felt tried to believe in his calm temper, but since I knew him long enough, I was very well aware, that he could turn into a beast of prey within a split second.
Therefore, I had a look around and remarked slightly puzzled to find just the two of us in here: "Where are Silas and Caspian?"
"Don't you rack my brain, Methos! It will do if Silas and Caspian will come to know the result of our little conversation. Sit down...this will be between you and me..."
"Your new interpretation of 'Everything in equal share'?" I dropped down amongst the cushions as well and beheld him intently, but as usual he succeeded in temporarily hiding his real thoughts from me, not willing to reveal a hint of what bothered him. At least not yet...
"Let's say, a kind of necessary evil to avoid too many unnecessary questions." Kronos gave me a smirk and offered me a goblet: "Some wine?"
I reached out to take it, but I did not drink. Instead, I asked: "Why this place? And why now?"
"Are you in a hurry?"
"I just want to know what I'm about to get myself into..."
"Of course, that's definitely the only reason! And it's impossible, that you want to return to the soft embrace of your sweet little slave, huh? It's the first time since Cassandra, that a girl's able to attract you in such an obvious manner, hmm? A mortal into the bargain! Something short-lived as you're very well aware..."
"Nothing's meant to last forever or to survive forever", I snarled at him: "Not even we!"
"That's possible, maybe it's even probable, but I think, I will ignore this annoying little piece of truth. You know, Methos, I've in mind to outlive some more ages..."
"You will! Without any doubt! It doesn't make any difference, whether with or without my help."
"What's wrong with you, brother?" Kronos laughed and beheld me: "Don't tell me, you claim having lost your heart to a mortal? As it seems, you're still able to surprise me. Up till today, I had always been convinced of you not having a heart at all..."
"What relevance does me having a heart or not have with your plans?"
"Maybe more than you're able to guess."
I decided, to ignore his latest remark, took a deep draft from out of my goblet and asked: "You want me to plan your next foray, so, why don't you let me in on everything you have in mind?"
He grinned at me – still in the same obscure way he always used to, when he kept his real thoughts hidden from me, while being willing to only disclose a small part of his plans: "Do you want to know, why this place is not a mousetrap, but exactly, what we're in need of? Because, it's of no meaning, which of the settlements we will raid first. They lie close enough together to plunder them one after the other and they lie far enough apart from each other to not being able to warn each other."
I gazed at him in surprise: "If you already have a plan, what for do you need me then?"
"Because, my dear Methos, you're the one amongst us, who looks the most trustworthy. That's why I want you to ask around and to have a look around wherever you are. I even want you to prick up your ears, if you'll spend the nights with the beauties of the spot..."
"And you believe this to be wise?"
"No! All I believe in is that it will be helpful with spreading that kind of fear the Horsemen are known for."
"Want my advice, brother? You can have this much easier. Just do it like you always did!"
"I think, I won't. It's time for a change. Where else should the pleasure come from, if I'll do it like I always did?"
"I see! If this is what you want, I'll make sure you'll have it your way. All you'll have to do is wait until I'm back..."
"No need to hurry. You know I trust in you. And as soon as you're back there will be more than enough for us worth to be shared in equal share..."