Chapter 11

"Sarge?"

"Jay," Voight nodded. "How is she?"

"Better. Crockett said she'll be fine. Hailey's sleeping now." Without realizing it, he caressed her hand.

"Good," Voight answered. "Jay, got a minute?"

Jay's heart sank. He wasn't ready for that. Nevertheless he nodded. If the universe wanted to tell him something today, it might be a good idea to go with it.

"Sure." Without thinking, he leaned over, quickly kissed Hailey's cheek, and then followed Voight outside.

"Hm," Voight grumbled, a familiar sound. He obviously hadn't expected to see this gesture. It was clear that he wasn't comfortable either.

"Jay, when Hailey comes back, will you return to Intelligence?"

Jay's eyes widened. He hadn't expected that. "I don't know, Sarge," he answered cautiously.

Voight swallowed hard. "Jay, we – I – want you back in Intelligence."

"Okay?" Jay still wasn't quite sure what was happening.

"I know that we need to talk, Jay," Voight continued. "There are a few things that need to change, that I need to change."

Was that an attempted apology? Jay wasn't sure. He couldn't imagine Voight actually apologizing to him, that would be so unlike Voight. Did he expect Jay to apologize? He had no idea.

"Yeah," he tentatively said. "I want to come back. But..."

"I understand, Jay. We will talk. Things will change, I will... You have my word."

Jay slowly nodded. He extended his hand, slowly but more self assured. This was good, wasn't it?

Voight took Jay's hand. "Good. Keep me updated on her status, will you?"

"Sure, Sarge."

Voight nodded at Jay once more before he left. Jay's eyes followed him, not quite sure what had just happened.

Jay stood frozen in his spot for a few minutes, before he noticed that Trudy was sitting in a chair, watching him intently. Slowly Jay crossed the waiting area and joined her.

"Was that your work?" he asked suspiciously.

"I talked to Hank," she admitted. "Someone had to."

Jay didn't reply, he didn't know what to say.

"Go, Jay," Trudy said. "Go back to Hailey's room."

"Are you coming with me?" Jay stared at her with those big eyes. Thank you for being here, he meant. Thank you for sticking up for me, for helping me. For being on my side. For not giving up.

Trudy understood.

Hailey was still sleeping, when Jay and Trudy returned to her room. Jay sat down by Hailey's side again, while Trudy took a chair a bit further away.

"Trudy, why does he do this?" he asked the one question he was unable to answer. "Why does Voight treat me like this?"

"I'm not psychologist, Jay," Trudy evaded his question, his wide eyes.

"But you have known him for a long time."

Trudy shook her head. "I don't think Hank knows it himself, Jay. I suspect it might be a mixture of feeling that you threaten his authority and him trying to help you become a better cop. The Voight way."

Jay raised his eyebrows.

"Just my thoughts, Jay. I don't say I agree with him. And I hope this was a wake-up call for him too."

"Trudy, I don't know if I can go back."

"Take your time, Jay. Think about it and find your way."

Jay didn't leave Hailey's side for as long as she was in hospital. A few people dropped by, checking on Hailey, tried to convince him to go home and get some sleep, but he wasn't moving.

Will had brought him clothes to change, and he made sure Jay could use the doctors' showers, an offer Jay gladly accepted. But that was the longest he left Hailey's side.

Two days later Hailey was released and Jay could take her home. When he pulled his car up to the front entrance of Med and Hailey was waiting for him, he couldn't stop smiling. He was so relieved and happy.

He drove to her place, and Hailey could barely stop him from fussing about her. He made her lie down immediately, rearranged the pillows so that they were as comfortable as possible, prepared herbal tea, and was generally busy trying to fulfill her every need, until she had enough.

"Jay, sit down," she said with a smile.

"But don't you want..."

"Come here, Jay," Hailey interrupted, smiling. "All I want is you to sit down here with me."

Jay stopped what he was doing, realized what she said and smiled back at her. He sat down on the couch and Hailey leaned against him

"This is what I need," Hailey said softly. "No tea, no food, nothing else. Just you here with me."

"Yeah," Jay caressed her hair and slowly relaxed, closed his eyes. Suddenly he noticed how exhausted he was, his body and his mind. He yawned and heard a soft laugh.

"You should lie down," Hailey whispered.

"No, I'm fine," Jay put his feet up on the table.

Even though he was sure he wouldn't fall asleep, Jay dozed off within minutes, as exhaustion mixed with relief.

Hailey didn't sleep, but she was fine lying here with Jay. They hadn't talked about Jay's situation anymore back in the hospital, Hailey had respected Jay's reluctance to talk. She remembered vaguely that he had talked to someone in her room, she knew that a few people had visited. Jay looked better; even though he must have been tired, he appeared more positive than before. Perhaps something had changed? She hoped it so much, for Jay's sake. If her getting shot was what it took to somehow resolve this thing, it was worth it.

"So," Jay started, when they were sitting over dinner later that day. "It seems I'll go back to 21st after all."

"You are?" Hailey was happy to hear that. "What happened?"

"I'm not sure," Jay admitted. "Voight asked me to. I guess."

"He did what?" Hailey smiled with relief. "Now that's a surprise. Do you know why?"

"I have no idea." Jay spoke slowly, a pause after each sentence. "Probably Trudy has something to do with it. Voight came to Med, and I think – I think he kind of tried to apologize in a way. Said he wanted me to come back. And said we would talk. I don't know what to think of it, to be honest."

Hailey shrugged. "I don't know either, Jay. But it sounds good, don't you think?"

Jay smiled back at her. "Yes, it does."

Hailey put a hand on his, caressed his hand softly. "I hope Voight realizes how much he needs you. But Jay – please come back only if you're comfortable with this. Don't do it for Voight, for the Unit... or for me. I know I have said that I want you back with Intelligence, but it's more important that you are happy, content. The two of us, we will manage, whatever happens. But don't come back if you have doubts."

Jay placed her hand on his cheek, leaned against it. "I will think this through, Hailey. I promise. Thanks for being on my side, for not giving up."

"Always, Jay," Hailey just said.

"And by the way," Jay added. "I think he knows we're a couple. I couldn't hide it."

"Well, if he still wants you back in the unit, it shouldn't be an issue."

During the following days, while Hailey was recovering, Jay spent a lot of time thinking about his situation, he and Hailey talked about it. He also talked to Trudy again, when she visited them. All this helped him a lot to see things clearer, and it led him to the decision to get professional help too. Not because of the situation in 21st, but because of his own reaction. Having an argument with your boss wasn't that unusual, quitting a job wasn't unusual, but his own reaction wasn't a healthy one. It had pulled him down badly, he had pushed people away who cared for him, loved him. That was something he would need to address, find reasons, ways out of this.

And if Voight would do as promised, talk, change things, then things looked promising. In fact they talked briefly on the phone about when Jay would be back, and agreed to discuss this.

Jay figured out two things, however, the two most important things. He wanted to have his job back, and he wanted to be with Hailey.

The time they spent together during Hailey's recovery was good for them both. Hailey had to take it slow, but they could take long walks, could cook together, watch TV, just spend time together as a couple.

The darkness slowly left Jay's mind, he looked into the future with more optimism than before. He realized he could manage, could overcome all problems – because he was strong enough, and he was not alone.

A week later both Jay and Hailey returned to 21st. Hailey had been to Med in the morning, had gotten the all clear from her doctor, and they were on their way. Both were nervous. How would Voight treat Jay? How would the others treat him? Hailey sensed that Jay was very anxious, and she tried to show him that she had his back without fussing too badly – he would hate that, they were very much alike in that respect.

Everyone else was already in the office, when they came up the stairs, looked at them, greeted them. Kevin briefly hugged Hailey, smiled at Jay.

"Good to have you back, bro," he said.

Very tense, Jay took off his jacket and put it over his chair, looked around. What now? Should he just sit down and get back to work? Or what? Voight's door was closed, but right before Jay sat down, it opened. Voight briefly nodded in Jay's direction, then approached Hailey first.

"Good to have you back, Upton," he said, before he turned to Jay.

"Halstead, a word?"

Jay nodded, suddenly feeling like a scared boy called to the principle. He briefly glanced in Hailey's direction, she nodded encouragingly. Jay breathed heavily. He'd be okay.

The team watched Jay and Voight vanish in Voight's office, watched how Voight closed the door. And waited. They didn't hear a sound, just faint murmuring. Was that a good sign?

Hailey wasn't sure if it was a good sign or not, she yearned to eavesdrop, to walk inside and be at Jay's side, but of course he needed and wanted to do this on his own. He was a grown man after all, not a kid. And he would do just fine. He had spent a lot of time and effort working on this problem. And he was stronger than he knew.

It was more than half an hour later before the door to Voight's office opened again.

Jay appeared in the doorway, then Voight. Nobody hid their curiosity, but all they got to see was Jay and Voight shaking hands, both looking relieved. With a nod, Jay approached his desk, sat down and looked at Hailey.

She looked at him, willing him to tell her what was happening. Jay nodded briefly, then smiled at her.

"Right," Voight's voice interrupted their silent conversation. "We've got a case."

Jay stood up again, walked around the desk and sat down on Hailey's desk, right next to Hailey.

"We'll work this out," Jay said. "It's going to be okay."

So... I decided to leave it at this. I deliberately didn't elaborate on the talk between Jay and Voight - I leave that to your imagination completely. And Jay's getting help - that would be a completely new story in itself. Thanks for reading this, thanks for your helpful and kind comments. See you later with a new story