Bella slid closer to Edward on the garden seat, leaned against him, and he put an arm around her shoulders. She was right, he thought; fighting against his protective impulses might be even harder than overcoming the draw of her blood, but he was overjoyed at the challenge, at having to earn her by arduous labour. "I don't want this to come between us, Bella," he murmured. "My family warned me..."
She looked up at him. "Warned you about what?"
"They said my, er, vigilance might affect our relationship."
"Maybe you should listen to your family more. They also didn't want you to leave, right?"
"That's true." He sighed. "Although they do understand the impulse to protect their...their mate." He looked at Bella, wondering if she had come to accept this designation.
"I know we're mates, Edward. Your family call me your mate all the time. I'm not the one who has a problem with the idea." He smiled, accepting the implication. "So, Carlisle would protect Esme, Jasper would protect Alice, and so forth. What about the other way around? I remember Alice making some remark about never letting anyone hurt Jasper." It had actually startled her, Alice grimly promising destruction on anyone who dared mess with her Jazzy. "Don't they protect each other? As opposed to the strong, silent male defending the helpless female?"
"They do, indeed." The couples in his family stood, metaphorically, side by side, facing whatever life brought them, together; or else stood back to back, fighting off enemies together. He allowed his mind to picture himself and a transformed Bella, standing likewise, one another's guardian as well as companion. For once, he was able to take pleasure in this idea without any accompanying regret. "And so will we."
She sighed and snuggled closer to him. "I'm glad. I hope you can be glad, too."
"It was always something I wanted, Bella. I just had trouble reconciling myself to taking your humanity. But I'm learning to accept it."
"Good. But we still have one more thing to talk about." She laughed at his pretended look of alarm.
"What now?"
"Your 'issues'."
"Ah. That." He recalled Jasper's mention of her battered self-esteem, and hastily said, "My love, I hope you don't still retain any notion that I'm indifferent to you in that way."
"No. I believe now that you're, um, interested."
"I'm glad to hear it. How did you come to that conclusion, may I ask?"
Her blush rose. "I don't know. It just seems that way. Even though you never..." He looked at her inquiringly, and her face reddened still further. "Well...I hear other girls talking, sometimes, about guys - you know." He shook his head. "About guys reacting physically, so that they can see that he's..." She recalled Lauren, in the school cafeteria, crowing to Jessica that she got a rise out of a male classmate.
"Oh. Yes, I understand." He coped with momentary cognitive dissonance, knowing Bella to be decent and modest, yet living in an era where such talk was allowable, even between an unmarried couple.
"But even when we were...together, you never, as far as I could tell..."
"Yes. Another vampire trait, you see," he explained, retreating into clinical terminology. "We have voluntary control over most bodily reactions, even those which are reflexive in humans. Including that one." Also vomiting, which was sometimes useful.
"Oh, okay." She absorbed this fascinating bit of data. "But why would you want to hide that from me?"
Uncomfortable but determined to be open and honest - for her sake - Edward replied, "Two reasons, I suppose. First, because it seemed disrespectful and ungentlemanlike to impose that upon you if I could avoid it." He met her grin and smiled back sheepishly. "And second - to be honest, because I was trying to discourage your enthusiasm as much as possible. I thought such evidence might provoke you to try harder."
"Good call." They laughed together. "But...you really thought it was disrespectful to me, to show that you...liked me, that way?" He searched for words, and she went on, "I don't want to pressure you, Edward; I just want to understand. It's like the other thing we talked about. We'll be together a long time. I think I should know if this is going to be a problem; if we're never going to..."
"Bella, that's...that is definitely not my expectation. We will certainly be together in the future, unless you want it otherwise."
"I don't."
"Good," he said firmly. "It's just difficult for me, you see."
"I can see that it is; but why? Is it only that you're afraid you'll hurt me?"
"That's a concern, but I believe it's something that we could work around, with care." He avoided the spark on interest in her eyes. "But I was brought up with different ideas about these things. Physical love was something reserved for marriage. It was improper, insulting even, for a man to express desire toward a woman who is not his wife - much less take it further. I find it very hard to move past this idea."
"Okay, I get that. What can I do to help?"
He appeared to Bella to freeze in place, like a statue, as his mind reeled with a joyful possibility that seemed all at once to come within his reach. He abruptly turned toward her. "Bella, if you could find it in your heart to accommodate my outdated notions, it would be such a blessing for me. It would relieve my mind tremendously. Do you think you could bring yourself to consider it?"
Moved by his request for help, but unsure what he was asking, Bella replied, "I'll do whatever I can, Edward; but what is it you want?"
He turned still more, to face her directly. "I want you to accept my proposal of marriage." Her mouth fell open in shock. "Please, Bella. I could feel right about this, feel so much more at ease, if we were married. And..." Another reason occurred to him at that moment, and struck him with its truth and significance. "... it would mean that you really do accept me as yours, now and for all time."
"I...of course I accept you, Edward! You know that! We don't have to be married for that to be true."
"But it's...I can hardly explain to you how important this is to me." He took in her consternation. "If you can agree to be with me forever, is marriage really such a leap?"
Bella tried to pull herself together. It seemed unfair to refuse Edward something that clearly mattered so much to him, especially when he was trying so hard, making so many concessions, for her sake. At the same time, opposition and distrust of marriage had been ground into her brain over the years - especially marriage at an early age - and she was having trouble breaking free from such an ingrained prejudice. "I suppose you could say I have issues of my own."
"About me?"
"About marriage. I was brought up to avoid it like the plague."
He stared at her, astonished. "By your mother?" She nodded. "But why? She seemed very happy with her own husband."
"Oh, Mum's lightened up on the subject since she met Phil. But while I was growing up, she was still pretty resentful about the way it went with her and Charlie. I ended up thinking about marriage the way other people think about dark alleys or quicksand. It's hard to overcome years of indoctrination."
Edward held back from expressing disapproval of Renée's personal campaign, but was indignant at the idea of a mother teaching her own daughter to despise marriage. He was also more than a little disappointed at having his proposal received in such a manner. Being rejected as unworthy, or asked to further prove himself, he could have understood; but he hardly knew how to deal with being granted lifelong partnership, provided it did not involve actual marriage. Hesitantly, he asked, "Bella, I have no wish to coerce you, but...is this something you think you would be able to overcome? For my sake?"
Bella met his eyes. His expression was dejected, pleading; and she was reminded of the unique nature of their relationship. The other Cullen couples had been together many years, remained as close and devoted as the day they fell in love. The tragic breakdown of a relationship was not something that really applied to vampire couples; and Renée's fears and warnings were not valid in this world. Still fighting her resistance to the idea, she asked, "What would that involve, exactly? Would there have to be a big wedding and...all that?"
He smiled, feeling a flare of hope. "Not necessarily. As long as we are actually married, I don't care if we sign papers at City Hall, have a massive church wedding, or go to a 24-hour wedding chapel in Las Vegas. It's entirely up to you."
"Okay. I think I can see my way to that." At his inquiring look, she explained, "Something very small and private, that would be okay." She was rewarded by his look of joy as he clasped her hand. "Las Vegas - that's an option?"
"Absolutely. We can drive or fly there today, if you like." Her eyes widened, and he hastily added, "It doesn't have to be right away, of course. Whenever you prefer."
She seemed to reflect. "What would that be like?"
"Are you seriously considering it?"
She took a deep breath. "I am."
"Then can we please do this in order?"
"How do you mean?"
"Will you accept my proposal, before we discuss wedding details? Please, Bella, put me out of my misery!"
She laughed at the expression, but was feeling much easier about the idea. "All right. I..."
"No, wait! Let me do this properly." To her mild alarm, he fell on his knees in front of her. "Bella Swan, will you do me the great honour of granting me your hand in marriage?"
Bella let go of her remaining anxieties on the subject of marriage. He was right; if she was happy to give up her human life and be with him forever, agreeing to marriage was nothing to be concerned about. The great leap, when she came to it, was an anticlimax, it was so easy. "Yes, I will."
He clasped and kissed her hands joyfully, then said, "Wait, don't say anything more right now!" He swept her from the garden seat and carried her back into the house, running up the stairs to his room at a speed that had her clinging to him nervously. He set her carefully down on the edge of the bed, then flew to the corner of the room. He opened a drawer and took out a small leather box, bringing it to her.
She realized what he was holding. "Ohhh, no...!"
He stopped. "You object to engagement rings? I won't insist, if you find them unacceptable."
"I...don't really have any opinion on the subject. I'm just a little freaked out by the idea of wearing a big diamond ring."
"You needn't wear it; but perhaps you could accept it, just as a token of our betrothal? It has great sentimental value to me."
"It does? Why?"
"This is the ring my father gave to my mother, when they became engaged. My human parents, that is. I've kept it all these years, because...well, as a remembrance; but also, I suppose, in the faint hope that I would one day meet the woman I could love, and pass it along to her."
Bella had a glimpse of the life he'd lived for the past century, a lone bachelor in a household full of happy and devoted couples; and began to see more clearly what she represented to him. In an unexpected moment of awareness, everything she knew about Edward coalesced, and she understood better his love for her. Her sense of self-worth, like the Grinch's heart, grew three sizes; she felt the real value of this man she loved, and understood at the same time, strangely and surprisingly, that she truly deserved him. She took a second to reorient herself after this paradigm shift, and finally said, "Of course. I'd be honoured."
Pausing to kiss her on the forehead, Edward opened the box and removed a ring. Bella was relieved to see it was not a huge, ostentatious diamond after all, but a small, delicate filigree ring, with diminutive diamonds arranged within the pattern. It was pretty and tasteful rather than showy. Smiling at Edward, she held out her left hand, and he slid the ring in place, his expression not merely happy, but exalted, as if he'd just drawn the sword from the stone. He kissed her hand, kissed the ring, then looked up at Bella. "Thank you," he whispered.
"Thank you, too," she said unsteadily. "Thank you for loving me so much."
Full of exuberance, he picked her up in his arms, spun her around, making her laugh. He turned toward the door as if hearing something, and a moment later, Bella heard faint sounds from downstairs. "They're home," Edward told her. "Please, can we tell them?" She nodded, and found herself flying down the stairs to where the remaining family were gathered in the dining room, looking up at Bella and Edward expectantly.
Before anyone could speak, Alice stepped forward, frowning darkly, hands on her hips. "Bella!" she exclaimed furiously. "Can you explain why I keep seeing you and Edward getting married alone? In Las Vegas?!" She stamped her tiny foot. "Without me!"
Notes: A common complaint about Twilight is that Bella and Edward don't really communicate with each other, certainly not in a way likely to improve a relationship. The last couple of chapters was my way of resolving that particular problem. Hope you enjoyed it.