~O~
The Way it Is
"Sen!"
Sen was out in the courtyard, practicing her bending when she heard the call from the princess. She looked up as Azula appeared beside the peach tree; she looked pleased for some reason.
In her hand was a small bowl of what looked like Komodo Rhino jerky. She offered some to Sen and the girl took one, gingerly eating it. It had been an entire day since Azula had called for her and Sen didn't want to test her after the incident with Mai and Ty Lee. Well, most didn't want to do that, but Sen felt that she needed her space.
"You've recovered, I see." Azula said, eyeing Sen up and down.
"I have." Sen replied, with a weak chuckle. "Forgive me, but...how are you doing?"
Azula frowned at the question, studying Sen almost suspiciously. Perhaps she didn't know what to make of it, or she didn't trust it. Either way, she quickly changed the subject and waved a dismissing hand in the air.
"I'm bored," Azula muttered, a distracted look touching her face for a fraction of a second, "Father's busy at a meeting and didn't see fit to allow me to join in. Did you want to do something?"
Sen blinked, somewhat flushed at the idea of spending time with the woman of her dreams. Alone. "Like what,Princess?" she asked.
"I don't know, something fun." Azula said, taking a swift bite of her jerky, "You do know how to have fun, don't you?"
Truthfully, Sen wouldn't have had a good idea of what to do for her own personal enjoyment. She was never allowed to have much fun growing up and her personal feelings never mattered. She had no time to act like a child the way she should have. Azula paused in her chewing and she read the confusion on the older girl's face. She raised a single thin brow, somewhat amused and somewhat nonplussed at the same time.
"Sen, you can't be serious..." she said.
Sen managed a small smile and shrugged her shoulders, embarrassed.
"Oh, well that is quite a shame," Azula replied, "Because I was hoping that you could accompany me on a few trips before I join father on his leave." Her voice carried a sort of deviousness to it that suggested she was up to some serious mischief.
Sen raised her brows and shook her head. "I-I can come with you!" She paused and then added somewhat shamefully. "That is if you would want me to."
"Good!" Azula seemed rightfully thrilled. "I wanted to have some time to enjoy myself as a child before I took my rightful place at father's side." Her voice dripped with delight and mischief. "A last night of recklessness and chaos, what do you say?"
Sen blinked slightly. She looked surprised by the princess' behavior. "Um, what did you have in mind?"
Azula grinned broadly. "I'm glad that you asked!" She took Sen's wrist and rushed off with her.
"Tell me, Sen: Have you ever been to a Fire Days Festival?"
"No."
"Then this will be quite a treat for you."
O
The two fire benders took a small trip to the Fire Nation towns to engage in the festivities of the Fire Days Festival. Sen had never been too comfortable around many people at once. But Azula, being the more "people person" handled it like a pro.
They spent the evening in the festival, but later visited a local tavern for some food and drink. Sen had ordered a hot tea and some dumplings. Azula ordered tea and a roast duck.
She felt uncomfortable without her mask on, but being with Azula made it easy to forget.
"This has been a lovely evening, Princess." Sen told her.
Azula chuckled. "Sen, you can call me by my name. There's no need to be so formal all the time. It's dull."
Ahh...
"R-Right." Sen smiled nervously and sipped her tea.
Azula glanced down at the gauntlet gloves that Sen was wearing and she tapped the spikes with one finger; a sharp, insistent jab. "How are you able to Fire Bend with those silly things on?" she asked.
"Oh!" Sen removed the gloves and revealed that the palms were open. "Open palms," she explained, "I wear these for hand-to-hand combat when I need them." When Azula held out her hand to take them, Sen offered the gloves without argue.
"What material is this?" Azula asked, smiling, "It's harder than anything on the tanks!"
"It's purified Sky Metal," Sen explained, "Most of the mines that supplied this stuff were completely wiped out. These were made with some of the last of it from my father's mines. His ship was built entirely out of the metal."
"Hm. Wow." Azula looked genuinely impressed with her skills.
"It was in the planning stages for use in the military earlier on about ten years ago," Sen told her, taking another sip of her tea, "But when your father discovered that it could not be mass produced for his machines or any armors of other metals without crumbling apart, he decided to close down the mines after every single bit was taken out and placed into storage. He didn't want it to be used by the other nations."
"What a shame," Azula murmured, with disappointment, "It would have made for fine armor." She handed Sen the gloves back and took a sip of her tea. "So where did your ladies disappear to?"
Sen smiled. "I ordered them to take a personal day today. They should be enjoying the festivities as well." Her smile disappeared as two men were watching her from the bar. They quickly looked away and Azula caught the irritation on her face.
"What?" the princess asked.
"That guy was just staring at me right now," Sen said, lowly. "I don't like the way that he was staring at me."
Azula glanced back at the man that Sen was talking about before she laughed and shook her head. "Don't concern yourself with peasant trash, my cauterized friend," she told her. "They talk a big game but when you stand up to them, they cower like rats. They're not worth your time."
But Sen couldn't get over it, no matter what was said. She hated being stared at purely because of her face. Most people were smart enough not to stare at her given her status and being with Azula gave her some kind of strength not to wear her mask the way that she usually would. But right now, she was getting angry.
She stood up and sauntered over to the two men as they were talking. She backhanded the bald one with a dull slap and he grunted, startled before looking up at her with disbelief.
"What's wrong, tough guy?" she sneered, "You think you're better than me, 'cause you got yourself a pretty face?"
"What?" the man snarled.
He rose up and threw out his fist, but Sen caught it with her arm in a wicked hold, twisted and snapped his limb back. His friend stood up and swung out his fists to attack, but she brought her leg up and kicked him square in the neck.
An all-out brawl took place between Sen and the two men. Azula sat at her chair, laughing hysterically and slapping her legs with amusement, not even upset with Sen's behavior.
The bald man groaned when Sen grabbed him by his shirt and tossed him onto the bar counter top, sliding him across it with a snarl of effort before tossing him through a glass window. The rest of the people there ducked out of the way to avoid being lacerated by glass.
Sen turned to the other man and tensed. "You want to be next?" she threatened.
He held up two hands and quickly sided off before she would throw him. Sen turned to a still - amused Azula and hung her head with shame. It wasn't good to make a first impression based on such a short temper.
But she actually surprised Sen by informing her otherwise as they walked back to their ship.
"You're not angry?" Sen asked.
"Not at all, actually," Azula told her, still chuckling, "It was fun to watch you take out two big grown men with your own two hands. I was impressed." She paused for a moment before tilting her head in thought. "Mai's gone, Ty Lee's gone. Why are you still here?"
When Sen didn't answer, she scoffed and spoke with a threat in her voice. "If you are plotting a betrayal scheme, you'd better do it right now and spare yourself the time!"
Sen shook her head and raised two hands in the air. "No, not at all, Azula!" she promised, "It would be stupid and foolish to betray you. Believe me, I'm neither of those things."
I am foolish for not telling you how I feel, though...
Azula frowned at her, trying to figure out if she was being true to her word or not. "Hm. I see."
Sen shifted where she stood. If this were as good a time as any, she would never have a better opportunity than this. She sucked in a sharp breath, held her head high and opened her mouth. "Azula, I...have to go."
Azula nodded, missing the pained expression on Sen's face. "Alright, get some sleep. Tomorrow we venture with father to Ba Sing Se. I expect you to be ready before that time."
Sen gave her a click of her heels and a respective bow before walking into the ship and to her room. When she arrived, she angrily paced back and forth, cursing to herself for not saying it right there. She kicked her comforter.
"How could I have not said anything?" she growled, "Ugh, I'm such an idiot! What's wrong with you?"
Sen sighed and closed her eyes, covering her face with one hand. She leaned with one hand against the desk, unsure of what she could do.
The following morning, Azula met up with Fire Lord Ozai before his airship and knelt down.
"Sorry I'm late, Father. Good palanquin bearers are so hard to come by these days." She glanced over her shoulder coldly to her servants who had carried her there to the ships. "So, is everything ready for our departure?"
Ozai had his back to her. "There has been a change of plans, Azula."
"What?" Azula looked up at him, confused.
"I've decided to lead the fleet of airships to Ba Sing Se alone. You will remain here in the Fire Nation."
Azula stared at him, with protest. "But I thought we were going to do this together."
"My decision is final." Ozai's tone of voice definitely clarified that.
But Azula wasn't taking that for a final answer. She had spent too long planning this with her father. It wasn't fair to just cast her out like Zuko, especially all the hard work that she had done for him. "You...you can't treat me like this! You can't treat me like Zuko!"
"Azula, silence yourself!"
The young firebender completely forgot her manners and dignity in one desperate moment to chance at joining her father. "But it was my idea to burn everything to the ground! I deserve to be by your side!"
"Azula!" Ozai thundered sternly. She flinched and he added then, in a more even tone of voice. "Listen to me...I need you here to watch over the homeland, it's a very important job that I can only entrust to you."
A smile lit her face. "Really?"
"And for your loyalty, I've decided to declare you the new Fire Lord." Ozai told her.
Azula pondered that for a moment and she seemed to be utterly satisfied. After all, she knew that he would have to name her Fire Lord given Zuko's betrayal. "'Fire Lord Azula'...it does seem appropriate," she mused. Then, she looked up at him curiously. "But, what about you?"
"Fire Lord Ozai is no more," Ozai told her, smiling as several servants began to fit him with a golden helmet and shoulder piece, "Just as the world will be reborn in fire, I shall be reborn as the supreme ruler of the world. From this moment on, I will be known as...the 'Phoenix King'!"
Phoenix King, huh? Well if that made him happy, then Azula was happy being the Fire Lord of her nation. When she returned to the palace, she sought Sen out immediately to tell her the news and her chance of a promotion.
"Sen!" she shouted, "Sen, where are you?"
Sen was in the kitchen, making some dumpling soup, even against the protests of the kitchen staff.
"We can do it for you!" one of them protested.
"Yes, we are servants after all!" the other added.
"It's fine, ladies," Sen told them, chuckling, "I am perfectly capable of fetching soup for myself. I - Oh! It smells good." She looked up toward the doorways when Azula practically rushed in and almost tripped. "Oh, Azula!" Sen greeted, "How are you?"
"Father did it! He named me Fire Lord!" Azula looked breathless with shock, excitement and delight.
Both servants smiled. "That's fantastic Azula!"
Sen just smiled brightly and placed her bowl down and one of the servants immediately swiped it up in her fingers to pour her some soup. "That's very wonderful, Azula," she told her, "I am happy for you. Truly, I am."
Azula rubbed her forehead, trying to let herself calm down. "Oh, there's so much to do! So much to prepare before my coronation!" She took off as fast as an airbender before calling back to the two older women. "Lo, Li, hurry up! I'm going to need the house maids!"
"Coming, Princess!" the two announced, rushing down the halls.
O
It was almost chaos as the princess made sure that her coronation was to be perfect. She was being groomed by a multitude of servants while eating from a bowl of cherries. She suddenly froze and spat out a cherry pit in disgust before holding it up to the servant.
"What am I holding?" she demanded.
"A-A cherry pit, Princess." the servant stammered.
Azula scowled at her. "Correct. And what day is this?"
"It is the day of your coronation."
Azula's eyes narrowed as she studied the pit in her fingers. "Yes, it is. So, please. Tell me why, on the most important day of my life, you've decided to leave a pit in my cherry?" she demanded, throwing the pit at the servant's face.
The servant winced before speaking carefully. "It wasn't a decision; it was just a small mistake."
Azula glared down at her in disbelief. "Small? Do you realize what could've happened if I hadn't sensed the pit in time?"
"I suppose you could've...choked?" the servant stammered nervously.
Azula nodded. "Yes, then you will understand the severity of your crime."
The servant lowered her head. "I understand, Princess. Please, forgive me."
Azula sighed languidly and rolled her eyes. "Oh very well, since it is a special day, I will show mercy," she told her. There was a pause and the servant looked relieved before Azula scowled. "You are banished! Leave this palace immediately."
The servant bowed and quietly walked away. Sen was outside of the room and ushered her to the palace doors before Azula called after her. "Sen!" she yelled, "Get in here!"
Sen immediately rushed into the room and dropped to one knee. "Yes, Azula?"
"Pick up that bowl of cherries!" Azula barked, "And bring me something else."
Sen nodded and bowed. "Of course."
She left the room, but lingered a bit, staring back at Azula with concern.
"What are you all looking at?" she heard the princess growl at her servants. "I have two feet that need scrubbing. And make sure you get in between the toes. I won't have my first day as Fire Lord marred by poor foot hygiene."
As the days went by, Sen began to notice a strange change in her love interests' personality. Whenever Azula would talk, she acted as if the shadows themselves would jump out at her and assassinate her in the night. Sen would constantly try to console her, but it seemed that no matter what, Azula was dead set for the idea that she would be betrayed.
Who blamed her? After all, with Mai, Ty Lee, and Zuko's betrayal, it was no wonder she felt the way she did. She even had difficulty sleeping, even when Sen promised to stay away all night if she had to for her to get her well-needed sleep.
Of course she had one extremely bad night when Sen heard her screaming in her bedroom. She ran to her aid, even kicked the door down into a few pieces in the process before finding Azula in her robe and bed, hair a tangled mess and finger jerked uncontrollably to her closet. She was covered in a nervous sweat and her eyes wild.
"Azula, what is it?" Sen asked, anxiously.
"I saw someone!" Azula shrieked, pointing continuously at the closet, "He's there!"
Sen gave the door a quick look before she quickly moved to the closet, shoved several objects and clothes aside where she began to stomp around for any signs of an intruder. Azula watched her anxiously and Sen poked her head out of the large closet, shaking her head.
"There's no one here, Princess." she told her. "It must have been a shadow or something."
"He must be hiding!" Azula insisted, eyes wide and crazed, "Find him!"
Without question, Sen began to search madly around the room, turning things over and making sure Azula could see every little detail to ease her mind. After making perfectly sure that no one was in her room, Azula glanced uneasily upwards to the ceiling and Sen got the idea. She threw the windows open, swung up onto the roof of the palace and Azula could hear her footsteps as she moved quickly around to scan the entire palace roof tops for any signs of intruders.
Sen returned through the window, her hair covered in leaves. "All clear. No one's here."
Azula glanced at her hair and raised a brow, momentarily relaxing. "What happened to your hair?"
Sen smiled sheepishly. "I tripped and fell into a bush." she admitted, pulling strands of leaves and twigs from her hair.
Azula actually laughed slightly at that, a nervous collection of giggles and hiccups as she pictured a big girl like Sen falling into a bush, covered in bird mess and twigs. Sen's smile vanished and she stared at her sadly. It hurt to see her constantly calm and collected princess falling victim to her own fears like this.
"You have nothing to worry about, Azula," she promised, "No one foolish enough will dare lay a hand on you while I'm here. If they try, it will be the last thing that they ever do, I can promise you that." She slowly backed away to the doorway. "I'll be out here all night. If you need anything, just call." She stared down at the remains of the door and smiled sheepishly, picking them up and casually trying to fit them back on. "Sorry about your...door."
Azula sighed and plopped back down onto the pillow. Her voice was tired, strained and impassive this time. "Just leave it..."
But Sen did keep her word.
She stayed awake all night.
O
Azula was getting ready for her coronation and Sen decided to try again and write that letter to her. She decided to address it directly to her. Maybe if Azula knew that there was someone who loved her, she would not feel so afraid anymore. It was as good a day as any to do this.
She wrapped the scroll up and began to connect it to a messenger hawk, instructing the bird to simply return with it to Azula at a later date.
The sound of glass shattering jolted Sen from her spot and she quickly rushed off, just as the hawk took flight. Sen found Azula lying beside a pile of broken glass, sniffling and crying against the floor. She quickly rushed up and bent down to her, inspecting for any wounds.
"Azula, what happened?" Sen exclaimed.
Azula blinked dazedly before staring up at the mess of glass around her, seemingly in a trance before looking up at Sen. "I broke it."
"I can see, but are you hurt at all?" Sen asked, still not entirely positive that Azula was unscathed.
Azula looked up at her again, but this time, there was a change in her voice. She sounded as if her paranoid ways had taken hold of her and this time, they were directed onto Sen. "Why do you care anyway?" she hissed, "Aren't you disappointed that I'm still in one piece?"
Sen looked startled. "What?"
Azula squinted angrily at her and crawled on her hands and knees until she was directly in Sen's face. "You want me dead just like the rest of them, don't you?" she hissed in a very rapid procession of words, "Admit it, Sen! You are just a traitor as the rest of them!"
"But I'm not!" Sen protested, "Azula, I would never betray you!"
"That's what they all said!" Azula spat, in her face, "Before they turned on me! You were going to turn on me from the beginning, weren't..." She trailed off at the sight of Sen's messenger hawk flying about before it landed in front of the surprised princess. She gave Sen a dirty look before seizing the hawk tightly. It squawked in pain before she snatched the scroll from its foot and shooed it away. Sen felt sick as Azula studied the scroll for a moment.
"It's addressed to me..." the princess said, frowning.
Azula unraveled the scroll and her eyes roved over it for a few moments.
I cannot begin to describe my feelings in words, but I will try not to bore you, my dear. My heart wishes to say what my lips cannot, what my mind will not let me. When I look at you, I do not see a lady to fear and despise, I see beauty, magnificence and radiance beyond even the spirits above. I wish to reach out to you, but fear you will not have me. Rejection ties me down on a thick rope to the ground while the insects mock me for my cowardice. I ask that you do not hold that against me for to speak to one so lovely would make the greatest being weak at the knees.
I understand a woman as lovely as yourself would rather have another than me, someone who has a prettier face, a better soul to grasp. Hopefully, I will not feel frightened of rejection and I can only wish that you would love me in return. When you read this, hopefully you will understand that my feelings are real, I am real, and I hope that WE can be real. My heart, be it life or death, will always belong to you.
She blinked and her face slightly turned a shade of pink. "Who..." she began, startled, "Who would dare send me such..." Then, she paused and her lips tightened with anger. "Wait, I recognize this handwriting from somewhere."
Clenching the scroll, Azula glared furiously up at Sen. "Is this some kind of joke, Sen? Why would you write something like this to me, send it with a hawk when you were right here two minutes ago? Are you deliberately trying to joke with me?" She laughed slightly and nodded, figuring that was all it was. "That's right, it's a joke. A joke letter. Huh? Is that what this is? A joke letter?"
She laughed a little more before her smile and laugh died down when she realized that Sen looked dead serious and even pained. She frowned thoughtfully. "Except I've never heard of a joke letter before." Her eyes narrowed menacingly at Sen. "And you don't make jokes..." She held up the crumbled scroll. "Sen... Did you deliberately write this to me?"
Sen wavered a few moments more, realizing that Azula knew everything now. "Yes..." she answered, softly.
"And everything in this letter is true?"
"It is..."
Azula couldn't fathom such a thing. She couldn't begin to express her disgust through the broken fragments of her already frayed mind. To even be placed in a position like this...
"Get out of my house..."
"What?" Sen wasn't sure she heard right with the blood roaring in her ears.
"I said, GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Azula practically screamed, scrambling to her feet and nearly falling over, "You're banished, exiled, tossed out, cast away!"
Sen stared at her, visible pain in her eyes. She looked like less of a soldier now and more like a child who had been slapped for no reason. Her chest suddenly felt like someone was stepping on it multiple times and it even hurt to talk without feeling a hot lump forming in the back of her throat.
"Azula, please, let me explain...!" she begged. She fell to her knees, not having a care that it was undignified. "It wasn't what you are that I love, but who you are! I meant no dishonor to your..."
Azula snarled at her and swung her hand out, bending a jet of flame that narrowly missed Sen's head. "Either you leave now, or I give you a scar to match the other one!"
That was it. No reasoning for her, no explaining. Azula hated her. She wanted nothing more to do with her. So despite how heavy her feet felt, Sen gave her one final bow before turning and walking away, disappearing from the palace and the sight of her object of affection. As soon as she was outside the Fire Nation walls, Sen leaned against the stone walls for a long time in silence and finally, after holding it in for so long, she cried.
Hard.
O
How long have I been walking?
Sen had lost track of how far she'd traveled in the forest after abandoning her Komodo Rhino. She looked up as rain started to fall and groaned, closing her eyes and letting the cool water fall across her forehead. She took her mask off of her face and stared at it, the rain dripping down the eye sockets like tears. Sen stared down at it for a long time before she let out an anguished scream, sending it flying through the air with a forceful throw of her hand.
After wandering deeper into the forest, her stomach grumbled. Sen barely noticed it through the numb haze of pain. Eventually, she stopped long enough to kneel over a stream for a drink. It didn't matter if it was filthy or not. Sen no longer cared if it even made her sick.
Lightning flashed through the sky, lighting up the dark forest and playing a horrible illusion of her father. Her cruel, mocking father.
"Where are you going, Sen?" he hissed.
Sen blinked through the rain. "I don't know..."
"You're just running away," her father's voice echoed - he was standing against a few trees, rather languidly, "Running like you always do."
Sen closed her eyes weakly. "Who cares anymore?"
"Why would you think the princess could ever love you?" her father's voice sneered, "You're a very symbol of shame. Weak. Pathetic."
"Shut up!" Sen snarled, lunging at the illusion, only to have it vanish and have her crash into a brush.
She came back up, soaked in mud. The sound of a loud squealing sound alerted her to a wild boar-q-pine that charged into her side without warning, sending her stumbling through the mud. Sen felt searing pain shoot up from her hip and she staggered to her feet, only to see a wicked trail of blood gush from the place where the creature's tusks had gored her and several of its quills had stabbed into her leg. Sen glared up at the boar-q-pine as it pawed the ground - an aggressive gesture.
"Come on then!" Sen snarled.
The creature charged with a piercing squeal and slammed into her again. Sen grabbed its tusks, struggling to keep some traction on the ground with her feet and she was pushed back. Several of the quills stabbed into her arms and she clenched her teeth in pain. It hurt, but she pushed through it.
"You think you can hurt me worse than I've already been hurt?" she spat at the animal, as if it could easily respond to her - she was practically savage with despair and loathing, "I'll have to disappoint you then!"
The boar-q-pine let out a shriek and jerked its head, slicing Sen across the abdomen with its tusk. She screamed in agony before she was brutally forced onto her back. She struggled to stand, just as the boar-q-pine started pacing around her. Sen slowly followed suit, clutching her wounded abdomen that soaked her hand in blood.
Then, it charged.
Sen raised her other fist and unleashed a blast of violet flame that incinerated the creature into nothing more than cooked flesh.
Exhausted, the firebender began to stagger away. She was in so much pain and so very tired, not to mention starving. Her vision dimmed in and out.
I'll just...rest for a little while.
Sen pitched forward and collapsed into the mud and her eyes closed as exhaustion overtook her.
Just for a little while...
O
But here, Sen found no peace, even in dream. She was standing in a dead, lifeless forest where nothing existed and no one lived, surrounded by skeleton trees drained of water and color. It was like living in a stereotypical nightmare. She looked around at the unnatural world before hearing a voice calling for her. A soft, familiar one.
"Sen..."
She turned then, wide-eyed at the sight of a middle-aged woman resting against one of the dead trees, head hanging low against her weak, slouching shoulders, long black hair hanging around her face and shoulders like a pitch dark veil. She was wearing tattered, slashed robes and her fingers were long and bony. Her feet were covered in mud and filth. Her face was hidden from view, but Sen didn't have to see it to know who she was.
"Mother?" Sen whispered, haunted.
"Yes, I am here..." the soft, dry voice of Chikako croaked. It sounded like she was constantly in misery, but that was how Sen remembered her. Always so quiet, so sad. She smiled sometimes, but even then, it did not hide the despair.
Sen looked away, closing her eyes with pain.
"You hate me, I can understand that, Sen," Chikako said, "I should have been the better mother that you needed me to be. I should never have let Arashi take my life."
"Take your life?" Sen scoffed, "You died of a fever, mother."
Chikako chuckled sadly, her bony shoulders weakly moving with the action. "Is that what he told you?"
Sen's felt her throat tighten. She dropped to her knees and felt her eyes burning with hot tears. She had lost so much already. Now with Azula banishing her from her home and her sight, Sen was so close to just accepting her inevitable demise.
"She was all that I had..." she moaned, tears dripping onto her shaking palms, "How could I have betrayed her?"
Chikako stared at her for a long time. "I see that you have learned your fathers ways, but you are not entirely lost, my daughter," she said, "You feel pain and regret, which was something Arashi could never grasp." She paused. "There was no betrayal, Sen. Azula has been blinded by the sins of her own father as well as her own personal fears. You gave her your heart even though you knew of the consequences, you are no coward to me, child."
"That means a lot coming from you!" Sen shouted, tears sliding down her cheeks.
Chikako sighed softly. "True love is brightest in its darkest of light, daughter," she told her, "Go back to her. She needs that more than anything."