"Sir, would you ever get romantically involved with a member of your crew?"

It took all his many years of discipline and training not to immediately react to Tilly's latest question. He had to help her walk this back, find a way not to dismiss her question, not to belittle her feelings, not to reveal he was aware of her crush. And prevent her from sensing he was mildly what … embarrassed … annoyed … both … to learn she was awake when he stripped of his wet shirt (and pants - damn it). How could he keep her from unintentionally repeating that when she got back to the ship? He smiled awkwardly at the thought, slightly creasing his brow. Focus on the problem in front of you Christopher.

Tilly stiffened, mortified. She was resting against the Captain's chest as he monitored her return to consciousness after the anesthesia. Could you have picked a worse place or time to randomly blurt out your feelings for him? An attraction he is completely and totally unaware of? Is that redundant – completely and totally? Not important – stay focused before you make things worse. Is it possible to make things worse? Here, in this cave, alone together, it was too easy to forget about the reality of their lives, their positions. To forget the intimacy, the bond she was feeling was from and with a kind Captain ministering to one of his crew. And why was he taking so long to respond?

"That is a serious question which deserves more than a quick answer." Pike finally replied. "First let me take care of a couple of other things." He removed his arm from around her shoulder and gently eased her back against the wall of the cave. Retrieved the last water bottle and tended to the fire. Holding out the water he reminded her, "Only a couple of sips." Then he sat facing her and said, "Every commander has a different answer to that question. But I won't deflect by pushing this into an abstract conversation. You asked what I would do. And as a member of my crew, it's not a question that is out of bounds." He tilted his head a bit and smiled, "Well, not technically out of bounds but definitely approaching the fence."

Tilly started to protest, but Pike waved it off. "Ensign, I like that you poke at boundaries. That you are upfront and honest."

"You mean blunt."

Pike chuckled at that, "Yes."

Tilly wrinkled her nose, "My mother says it's one of my worst traits."

"I've always thought character traits are neutral and it's how we choose to apply them that is good or bad. Regardless, you shared your mother's observation with me so I will share one with you. My mother endless reminds me I am stubborn."

Oh, to hear someone scolding the Captain like he's a little boy! Tilly thought.

"Back to your question. Yes, I would consider getting romantically involved with a member of my crew,"

Tilly's heart soared.

"if the time and circumstances were right." Pike finished.

Wait, qualifications? No, no, no. Not fair.

"I have a few protocols – rules – I use to balance my professional and personal lives."

Protocols? Seriously? My Captain is a geek - which is freakin' adorable!

How do I explain Chris' Prime Directive Number Four? Don't get romantically involved with anyone on board your ship unless you are ready and willing to make a long-term commitment. A conundrum and most likely impossible. But anything else was unworkable and unfair. There would be an immense power imbalance, subjecting someone to that just to see if the relationship might work was unacceptable. He despised using the word power in this context, but it was apt as a captain wields a great deal of control over the lives of the crew, sometimes literally. And power was a placeholder for multiple inequities. "I would consider it only if I were … confident … the relationship was more than casual. More than 'let's see where this might lead'."

That interrupted Tilly's internal musings. "That's – not logical."

"Now you are channeling my science officer on the Enterprise. He said the same thing, well almost, he said 'illogical'."

"It's a 'which came first – chicken or egg' problem. How do you know where a relationship might lead unless you explore it?"

"Maybe you can't. Maybe it's a choice to make a long-term commitment before knowing." Pike answered, his voice quiet now. Then he whispered as if asking himself, "and is anyone willing to do that?" The rules were limiting and rigid. But he had chosen this life. Set the boundaries to protect those he cared for. And he would live with the consequences.

Me, Me, Me! Is what Tilly thought. "But why?" Is what she asked.

Pike smiled. "I have a responsibility to my crew. A string of casual relationships with crewmembers could be disruptive. A failed relationship could be disruptive, especially on a long mission." He rolled his eyes slightly and shook his head, "All relationships have challenges. A relationship with your commander has unique ones, not harder, not easier, simply unique. I don't want to subject someone I care for to those on an impulse. Without giving them … stability."

"I think the relationship could be isolating. I … I mean … she would have to learn not to overshare." I don't think he noticed I said 'I' first instead of 'she', oh hell, I don't even know if it would be a he or a she, Tilly thought. "What about the nightmare scenario?"

"Which one?"

Interesting, is there more than one? How do I find out about the others? "If you had to choose to let someone you were involved with die?"

Good, Pike thought, Tilly now is thinking about this from the perspective of a command trainee rather than a personal question about us. When he answered his voice was grave and serious. "Giving an order condemning a crewman I don't know to their death would be as wrenching for me as giving an order which would send a loved one to their death." For a moment he looked as if he were light-years away and then continued softly and again to himself, "Which doesn't mean she isn't special, isn't the most important thing in my life."

Who hurt you? Someone worthy of you would not only understand but love you more because you value all lives. Someone worthy of you would never expect there to be degrees to the horror of sending someone to their death. "I can't imagine making that decision – for anyone."

"I know you will never take that responsibility lightly." Pike stood and held out his hand. "The rain and ice have stopped, the weather patterns must be shifting, or we are in the eye of the storm. How about some fresh air? You haven't been outside of this cave since the accident."

Tilly nodded eagerly. Pike was grateful for the change of subject.

She started to stand, and he caught her as she began to waver, "Wait, you must be careful with your broken leg." He put her arm around his shoulder and his arm around her waist. With his help she limped out into the sunshine.

Leaning against the wall of the cave, she sighed. In addition to the ice, the ground was now covered with several inches of snow. "I love snow, and skiing."

"I never understood why someone would voluntarily and happily choose to strap boards on their feet and slide down a mountain covered in snow and ice, standing up, in the cold."

It's not that cold right now - you really are a desert boy. And running down a sheer cliff with only a thin rope stapled into the rock to keep you from crashing to the ground far below isn't crazy? Or piloting an unproven shuttle? "Yes, sir." Tilly replied impishly.

"I have something for you, do you think you can stand here, unsupervised, for two minutes without wandering off or getting yourself into trouble?" Pike ribbed.

"According to the rumors I hear from Enterprise, you are constantly getting into trouble." Tilly grinned as she teased back. "I am only following my commander's example."

Pike frowned and narrow his eyes, exaggerating his reaction, then responded as he turned to walk back into the cave, "I see Dr. Boyce has been busy socializing." Returning he handed her a tree limb tall and sturdy enough to use as a crutch. Its top had been shaped to fit comfortably under her arm. "Now you can be more independent. If you are careful."

How did he manage that with only a pocketknife? She wondered as she slipped it under her arm and tried to walk on her own. And almost slipped on the ice.

Pike grabbed her before she could fall. "Try it inside the cave first," he suggested and then helped her to the opening. Once certain there were no more impediments he let go of her waist. Awkwardly, but with increasing confidence she walked to the other side.

Good. If she's mobile she can survive on her own. Tomorrow he would make the rest of the preparations, such as gathering enough wood for her to stay warm and teaching her some basic first aid. And there was one more thing he wanted her to know. "Sylvia," he called to her, "I am certain you will find that person who will cherish you."

A/N: Shout out to all for the comments. Thank you! I appreciate the suggestions and ideas. Thoughts: I can think of nothing more enraging than being in the middle of a fight and being told I am behaving "illogically". Well except for the clueless look that would follow my explaining just how illogical I could be if I tried harder and that his comment made me angry. :) I agree, I think Tilly is moving from crush to real, adult feelings. Not sure if that is better or worse for her. But I think it's good she is learning that captains are people too, with real feelings, desires, personality quirks and flaws. That will help her be a better captain.