At the king's castle, Quagmire was showing Peter a book. "Adam West was looking at this right before he got sick and died."

"Oh, a book," said Peter. "Books are very useful." But Quagmire could tell he didn't really understand why he was showing it to him.

"This book might provide a clue as to why West was killed," he said impatiently.

Peter turned the book up and down in his hands. "How can a book say anything? It doesn't talk!"

"Just read it, you damn moron!" Quagmire shouted, then immediately wished he hadn't. The queen had spies everywhere. He hoped no one had heard him.

Peter didn't seem disturbed at all. "Okay," he said. "I will take that into consideration."

He took the book into a bathroom with him. A few minutes later, Quagmire heard him rip a page out, and then heard the toilet flush.

"Amazing," he muttered. "He actually needs to be smarter in order to do something stupid."

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It was soon revealed that Steve Smith had brought his own armor with him; padded doublet, boiled leather, mail and plate and helm, even a great wood and leather shield. As all of it had Care Bears and other childish characters on it, however, Ser Alliser insisted that he reequip himself from the armory. That took half a morning.

Finally, he was ready to train. "Let's hope you ain't as inept as you look," Ser Alliser said. "Halder, see what this maggot can do."

Standing nearby, Brian winced. Halder had been born in a quarry and apprenticed as a stonemason. He was sixteen, tall and muscular, and his blows were as hard as any Brian had ever felt.

The fight lasted less than a minute before Steve was on the ground, his whole body shaking as blood leaked through his shattered helm and between his pudgy fingers. "I yield," he shrilled. "No more, I yield, don't hit me." A mean boy named Rast started laughing.

Brian had been glad when Steve showed up because it meant the others would pick on Steve instead of him. But this was going too far. "Why don't you leave him alone?" he called. "He's had enough."

Ser Alliser fixed his onyx eyes on Brian. "What's the matter, direwolf? Are you in love with him?"

Brian turned red. "No, I'm not in love! I just don't see the point in kickin' him when he's down." He helped Steve to his feet.

Thorne smiled. "Ser direwolf wishes to defend his lady love, so we shall make an exercise of it. Rat, Pimple, help our Stone Head here." Rast and Albett moved to join Halder. "Three of you ought to be sufficient. All you need to do is get past the dog."

"Stay behind me," Brian said to Steve as the foes advanced on them.

The fight did not last long. Of course, Brian and Steve got their asses handed to them, but after that they were friends.

"I… I'm sorry," Steve said as he and Brian lay on their bunks at night. "I don't mean to… to be like I am."

"Why would a guy like you even want to take the black?" Brian asked.

"I didn't want to. My father made me. He said I was an embarrassment to the family and maybe the Night's Watch would make a man of me. I don't know how I'm gonna survive!"

"I'll help you," Brian promised. "I'll be your friend."

"Shut up!" a guy yelled from the bunk above them. "Some of us are trying to masturbate here!"