Creatures of the Arctic

by MhaighdeanBhanUasal

[Modern AU]. Their parents died in the North. The sisters had never tasted such fear. Such freedom. There is nowhere to hide in the Arctic, and ten years of fear, pain and cruelty catch up to them all of a sudden. With their parents gone, the walls can finally begin to crumble. Real love can only begin when the heart opens. The Arctic is cruel. Only warmth can turn it into a home.

12. Easier

TW: the word "Rape" is mentioned in this chapter. It is not used in relation to an actual instance of sexual abuse. Is it stupid to put a trigger warning for this word specifically? I sure hope not! Who knows who's reading this fic? I'll just leave this warning here to be extra safe.

---

"So, I was thinking," she began.

"You were thinking?" Hans teased her. Anna playfully slapped his chest.

"Yes, I was, in fact!" Anna declared. "Do you think you'll stay here once school is over?"

Someone a few rows ahead of them sharply hushed them, and Anna winced. They weren't being that loud, were they? The movie hadn't even started yet! They were only showing the trailers.

"I was thinking about staying," he chuckled. "What about you?"

"Oh, well," Anna awkwardly scratched the back of her neck. "I'm only turning sixteen in July. I still have a few years here"

Hans nodded.

"Then I'll stay here," he stated.

Anna stared at the screen before them. She took a moment to process his words.

"Wait, you're staying here for me?" She quietly asked.

"Of course! I love you"

Anna nodded, looking at her hands. She already knew what she wanted from life. She had a plan, and she'd never bothered to include him. She'd always been so cruel and unfair to Hans.

"I'm studying political science in Romsa when I graduate," Anna blurted out. "I've already decided"

"Romsa?"

"Tromsø," she translated.

She resisted glancing at him and instead remained still, but she could feel the tension building up in his body despite the distance.

"Political science? You?"

Her stomach sank a little.

"I… yeah," she shrugged. "I'd like to… I don't know. I think it'll be fun"

"You know, I can't remember the last time you got a grade above four"

Anna exhaled heavily. She finally turned to him and offered him an indignant glare, but he didn't even bother to lay his eyes on her. It seemed like she got a taste of her own medicine.

"I still have time to catch up," she protested, but her voice was losing strength.

"You'll have to hurry up"

"I… I could try"

Could she? University wasn't like school, and she wasn't a good student. She wasn't good at all.

Political science? Really, Anna? Political science was for people like Elsa or her parents, but she might not be cut for that kind of career.

"I wouldn't be so sure," Hans insisted, and before Anna could defend herself, he struck again. "Besides, I can't just abandon my studies here because you want to leave"

"What? You would follow me?"

"Wouldn't you follow me ?"

"I don't know!"

"Hey! Quit it!" Someone hissed from a few seats away. Anna swallowed.

"Sorry!" She whispered. Hans seized her hand. He squeezed hard enough to grind her bones together. Anna tore it away from his grasp and cradled her fingers with her other hand.

"What's up with you today?" Hans asked in a whisper. "It's like you're looking to fight"

Anna sighed. He was right, in a way. She was… trying something. Testing the waters, perhaps? Looking for an excuse to dump him?

Because, of course, it wasn't like Anna could break up with Hans simply because she was supposedly giving up on trying to feel differently. They'd dated for years and her relationship with him had never helped with what she needed, but she wouldn't say she was using him, not at all! That would be very cruel. And she really did like him! In some way. He was her friend, and most importantly, he was her boyfriend . And they'd lasted for an oddly long time! It was…. It was simply that… she didn't love him. Their relationship wasn't sincere. And if trying to forget about her sister was the reason she had to be with him anymore, sitting in the theater with him, she was beginning to wonder what the hell she was doing .

She was lying to him!

She breathed in and out. She was being unfair. Again. Hans didn't deserve to be the victim of her anger simply because she was conflicted and confused.

"I'm sorry," she said. "Let's… let's enjoy the movie"

"Yes, please"

Anna let her words be swallowed by silence. She tried to like the movie, she really did, but it was incredibly boring and she quickly found herself more engaged in playing with a loose string in the sleeve of her sweater. She glanced at Hans, opened her mouth, closed it again.

All she could think about was that… well, he couldn't be serious, could he? He couldn't really decide where to live or study based on where she'd be, and he couldn't expect her to do the same. Or maybe he could? Oh, Anna wouldn't know. Was that what love acted like?

How funny. She'd do anything to be by Elsa's side, so perhaps this really was the way love worked. Perhaps she didn't understand Hans because she didn't love him as he loved her.

Yet she knew for a fact that Elsa would sacrifice everything for her. She'd send her away and break her own heart if she believed it would keep Anna happy and safe.

Maybe Anna was simply a bad person.

Dating Hans wasn't just. She was being cruel. She was using him. She should stop.

Anna looked at him and her mouth hung open, but no words came out of it. She couldn't break up with him in the middle of the movie, could she? No, of course she couldn't. Oh, but did she need to break up with him? Maybe if she stopped trying so hard, she could come to love him naturally. She didn't even know if she could keep him as a friend.

"Hans?" she whispered. "Are we friends?"

Hans gave her a strange look that made her feel stupid.

"We're dating," he chuckled. He threw a strong arm around her shoulders.

"Yeah, but are we friends?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean…"

"We're more than friends"

More than friends? Then how come she felt closer to her friends than to her boyfriend? How could Hans be more to her than, say, Kristoff?

"Right," she murmured, rather than saying what she was dying to say. "But if we weren't dating, would we still be friends?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"You two!" Someone chided.

Anna exchanged a grimace with her boyfriend. He took her hand and dragged her out of the theater.

"You got us kicked out," he pointed out as they walked down the hallway.

"I didn't mean to"

"Couldn't it wait?"

Anna cast her eyes down.

"I guess it could"

"Doesn't matter. Now," he stopped and turned to her. "I'm willing to forget about the movie. What did you want to talk about?"

Anna blinked rapidly and slowly raised her head. The expression on Hans' face was familiar, although she'd rarely seen it on him before. She was more used to seeing it in her sister, back before their parents died.

(Although she now knew the truth. She knew that behind her sister's apparent disgust was only love and pain. She feared that behind Hans' disgust lied only disgust).

She must have really made him mad.

"Nothing," she mumbled. "It was nothing, Hans"

She didn't look at Hans as he rubbed a hand over his face. She could feel his anger and frustration without doing so.

"I'm sorry," Anna continued. "I know I ruined our date. I'm just…"

"It's alright," Hans said. "The movie wasn't that important. I just wish you didn't toy with me so much"

Her heart cracked.

"Hans, that's not…"

"Forget it." He began to button up his coat. "I think I'll be going home. I'll see you at school tomorrow"

"Wait!" Anna moved to grab his arm, but he tore it away from her grasp. "Can't we talk about it?"

"Maybe tomorrow, Anna." He glanced at the doors that gave way into the theater. "There was no need to spoil this outing"

With those last words, he strode away and left Anna all alone in the Culture House.

---

She fished her phone out of her pocket and typed:

hi

could you pick me up?.

---

Perhaps a week or so later, Anna woke up uncommonly early to find her sister sitting by the kitchen table, with her hair unruly and clothes unironed. A cup of coffee next to her had been encased in ice. The clock on the wall struck six in the morning.

"Hi," Anna murmured, and promptly yawned with a hand over her mouth, barely hearing Elsa reply:

"Good morning, Anna." A soft thump drew Anna's attention back towards the table, and noted Elsa had put down her phone. "You still have a few hours before school. Go back to sleep"

Anna rubbed her eyes and took a seat across from her sister. Thank goodness the only light came from the partially closed door to the kitchen, because she doubted she could even part her eyelids had there been any more brightness.

"Is he bothering you again?" She asked. She figured it wouldn't bother Elsa if she crossed her arms over the table and used them as a pillow, so she did, resting her cheek on her elbow and looking up at her through only one eye.

Her big sister sighed and ran a hand over her face.

"It wasn't Grandfather," she explained. "My old psychologist called. It's about… what I told you the other day"

Anna's brows came together as she tried to recall Elsa's exact words from that conversation, which wasn't very difficult, considering she had it replying over and over in her head for the last ten or so days.

"What did he say?" She asked. Her eyes went wide, and she pushed herself up with both hands on the table. "Wait. Did he call the police?"

"No! no," Elsa reassured her, raising her hands. "He hasn't contacted anyone yet, from what he's told me, but he insists that I'm not suited to be your legal guardian. As my psychologist, his word would have weight should he contact Kai Andersen or the Community Council"

"Wh-what can we do?" Anna asked. "Can we change his mind?"

Elsa chuckled mirthlessly.

"I doubt anyone could change his mind," she said. "He believes he's doing the right thing, after all, and I don't want to hold it against him. It is his job"

Anna swallowed and observed her sister, as a pulsating sense of worry grew in her stomach. She was tiptoeing the tightrope trying to hold what was left of her family together, and at times, she felt like she was fighting the battle alone. She needed her sister to stand by her side.

"You know he's wrong, right?" She reminded her. "He might be doing his job, but he doesn't know us, Elsa. Even if he's your psychologist. If he thinks you're a danger to me, then… he's not doing his job right"

Elsa's eye twitched slightly, as pain slowly shaped her expression.

"I made a promise to you and I intend to keep it. I'm not leaving you, Anna. But…" she trailed off, averting her eyes and holding her hands together. "I still worry I'm doing things wrong. I don't know if staying with you like this is even legal. I just want to do the right thing"

Anna's expression softened. Of, of course. Elsa was barely an adult. She was eighteen and still hadn't figured out taxes . She was a sister, not a mother, she had no idea whether their decision was the right one or not, and the probabilities of messing up were pretty high, especially without a real adult to turn to when in doubt. It wasn't like Anna could call Yelena and say " Bures , Áhkku , my big sister is in love with me and her psychologist says she's too mentally unstable to have full control over my life. Please, don't let the law get involved". It would sound beyond iffy to any normal person who didn't know Elsa as Anna did. Elsa, the sweetest, kindest, gentlest person in the world. How could anyone mistake her for a dangerous predator? She was basically a lost puppy.

And… okay, maybe a lost orphan puppy wouldn't know how to look after another lost orphan puppy. Anna could concede that. She didn't want to say she didn't trust Elsa, and she wasn't opposed to moving in with Yelena if that's what it took to stay safe, but she'd be damned if she let the Weasel brainwash her sister into thinking herself a monster.

"Elsa...," She reached her hand out over the table to interlock her fingers with her sister's, but stopped midway to squeeze her forearm instead. "We'll fix this together, alright?"

Elsa looked down at Anna's fingers around her arm with eyes full of love and raised her own hand, only to lay it back down on her lap, where it belonged.

"Alright," Elsa softly murmured. She inhaled deeply. "The only solution I can envision is agreeing to his terms. We would move to Kárášjohka, and you could stay with Yelena while I find a place in town for myself. My psychologist doesn't need to know every detail of our life in Finnmark. I just hope he'll leave us alone once he learns we are no longer living together"

Anna nodded. She opened her mouth but her own cowardice prevented her from putting her thoughts into words. She surprised herself coming to the realization that, perhaps, living in a different household would be beneficial for them. She wouldn't want to cut contact with her sister, not in the slightest, but with a heavy heart she admitted that would make things easier.

Elsa picked up on her mood, because of course she did. Something in her expression twitched, and she covered Anna's hand on her arm with her own, squeezed, and then lowered it again. Anna's arms jerked back to her sides as if the touch had burned her, and she caught a glimpse of pain behind Elsa's eyes.

Elsa inhaled deeply.

"I'll miss you," she said.

Anna's head jerked in a rigid nod.

"I'll miss you too," she repeated.

"Even if we don't live in the same house, we'll still see each other as often as you wish"

Yeah, as often as Anna wished. Oh, of course Elsa would notice her distress. And she was so sweet and kind to her when Anna was nothing but cruel and hypocritical. She was once again met by this strange person that had hidden away from her for so long yet had loved her since before she was born. This was not the Elsa she grew up with but she was the Elsa she always believed existed, somewhere, perhaps lost on the way home.

And she'd returned to Anna, eventually, only for Anna to... to... what? To reject everything she'd ever wished for?

---

There was something she needed to tell Anna, but she'd been unable to find the right time for the last half a week. Their recent days had been quite alright, and Elsa knew that by telling her, she'd create a detrimental instability between Anna and her best friend. She hated the prospect of cutting Anna off from Kristoff when she clearly needed him, but she owed her the honesty she'd denied her during the last decade of their lives.

"Anna, listen," she said one day as they shoveled and swept away all the snow in their front yard. With a shovel and her bare hands she pushed it away from the sidewalk, as her powers had proven completely useless for the task. They simply hardened the snow and added half its weight to it. Meanwhile, Anna released the snowmobiles from their snowy prisons and poured antifreeze into the reservoirs of each of them with the help of an old hoose and a pair of gloves that belonged to their father.

"What is it?" Anna asked.

"There's something I need to tell you"

Anna placed the heavy plastic bottle back on the snow and raised her head, still holding the hoose to the snowmobile but now giving Elsa her full attention. She could see her shoulders tensing up.

"Is everything alright?"

"It is," Elsa reassured her, though she feared she might be lying. She took a deep breath. Alright, straight to the point. "Kristoff knows how you feel. About me"

Anna stared at her for a moment. Then she visibly blanched. She looked around despite being alone on the street beneath the dusky sky.

"Oh, goodness," she raised her hands presumably to cover her face, but since she'd just been handling an antifreeze bottle, she reconsidered, let go of the hoose, ripped the gloves off her hands with trembling fingers and hugged herself instead. "He… He knows? How do you know?"

"He came to see me at the hotel a few days ago," Elsa explained. "To be sincere, it felt like a violation of your... privacy" 'Trust'. She meant to say trust , but she didn't want to imply Anna should distrust Kristoff. "And I denied everything . I couldn't let him say such things about you"

She regretted her words almost immediately as she saw utter humiliation invade Anna's expression. Making her affliction sound like an insulting, wicked thing would not help her.

"He… It's my fault. I couldn't... I don't know. Behave." Her eyes were fixed on the tips of her boots. "I'm sorry, Elsa, I…"

"No, no. Anna, no," she cut her off with alarm. The last person Anna needed to worry about was Elsa. "It wasn't your fault"

"I… I should have been more careful"

"You've always worn your heart on your sleeve. I would never ask you to change"

That wasn't true. She'd demanded change from her for a very long time.

Anna looked down and settled the snowmobile after brushing away the snow from the seat. She, too, knew it wasn't true, and it showed.

She was dead silent, and her lack of words instilled dread in Elsa with every heartbeat.

"Are you alright?" She asked, taking a step towards her sister. Anna gave a stiff nod.

"I…" Her mouth hung uselessly open. Then she took a deep breath. Then said: "No. How am I supposed to look at him in the eye if he knows ? I don't think I could walk into school if he…" she gulped. "I feel gross. Not because this is gross! I-I mean, it is. Because you're my sister. But you 're not gross! You're perfect. I…"

"Anna," Elsa wanted to touch her somehow, but she didn't know where to place her hands so she settled for taking only one step closer. "We'll be alright. You know, someone I know who told me we would do this together. You know who I'm talking about?"

Anna nodded weakly.

"Yeah"

"He's your best friend. He will never reject you. You'll convince him he's wrong, I'm sure of it, and I'll help you with anything you need"

Anna nodded again. Elsa half expected her to ask for a hug, because she was more than ready to wrap her arms around her tiny body and protect her from the world, but Anna asked for neither comfort nor company. She simply stared at her own hands, breathing slowly but heavily, and avoided Elsa's gaze. For once, Elsa was unable to read her sister's behavior.

Should Kristoff reject her (supposing such a thing could ever be a possibility), would that make Elsa into Anna's closest friend? Her confidant? Her partner and companion? Would Elsa be the one Anna turned to, looking for acceptance? She was the one person in the world who knew about Anna's paraphilia, and while she should find it revolting, it was almost… almost… endearing to her, for lack of a better word. It was small. Gentle. In need of hiding and protection. It was Anna's weak spot. It made her vulnerable. When they came with pitchforks and torches, when her friends, classmates, and family shunned her, Elsa's arms would be the only place for her to safely nestle and hide from the violent outside world.

The thought was disturbing. Elsa refused to be the only person in Anna's life. That was neither normal nor healthy. Anna needed to be free, and happy, and to discover every single person in the world. She would never anchor her to her shore. Yet it seemed like fate had placed them in that inescapable situation where the only person they had, in the end, was each other.

It must be terrifying for her. Anna was fighting monsters no other fifteen years old girl had to face. Between their shared paraphilia, their parent's death, the loneliness, and the shadow Grandfather cast over them, Anna must feel truly lost and scared. And the only person she could count on was… who? Elsa? The sister who spent the last decade both wanting to fuck her and treating her with less respect and consideration than a trash bag?

Was Elsa seriously her only beacon of safety and security? Elsa? Of all people? The thought always made her heart both quiver with fear and swell with pride at the same time. She feared she wouldn't be enough to protect Anna and yet she was certain she would die for her. She wanted to bravely take the mantle and make an oath of guardianship for her, but in all honesty, she did not feel any older and had no more courage than Anna herself.

They finished clearing out their front yard in less than an hour, without uttering one other word. To Elsa, the silence was maddening.

---

They decided to call Yelena one snowy weekend. The two sisters sat on the couch after dinner, and Anna turned off the TV so they could both listen. Elsa tapped the loudspeaker button, and Anna inched closer (just a tiny bit closer. Not too closer . She was at an appropriate level of closer ) and put all of her attention on the phone. She could feel Elsa's eyes on her as they waited for Yelena to pick up, which didn't mean anything, of course, nope, Elsa's gaze was one hundred percent normal because you were supposed to see the people in your field of vision. She couldn't expect Elsa to blindfold herself just because they lived in the same house. Of course , Elsa was going to look at her sooner or later. Elsa looking at her meant nothing at all . Although she'd always been quite good at concealing her affections, and Anna had no way of telling her when one of Elsa's looks meant "I am looking in your general direction at the moment" and when it meant "You're the love of my life and I want to kiss you" , because if her feelings remotely resembled Anna's then… oh, goodness, if her heart didn't stop pounding so rapidly she'd have a heart attack. Was it getting hot in there?

" Buorre eahket , Elsa. Good evening." Yelena's voice punched Anna back into reality. Yep. Punched her right in the gut. "It is good to receive a call from you"

" Ipmil atte , Yelena," Elsa replied with a soft, clear voice, always so beautiful and elegant. "I apologize for taking so long. We…"

"Don't apologize. I… We haven't been in the best state over here. I, especially, took Iduna's passing the hardest. My grandchildren can attest to that. I should apologize to you for neglecting my responsibilities"

"Don't worry about us," Elsa softly said. "Anna and I are alright"

"Anna and you are children, Elsa, as you like to forget," Yelena retorted. "I would appreciate it if you didn't tell me what to do. I shall continue to worry about your sister and you as I please"

"Uh— Yes, ma'am," Elsa all but spluttered, wide-eyed and suddenly uncomfortable. "A-Anna is here, too. She's listening to us." Her sister offered her the phone, and when Anna took it from her hands, their fingers grazed each other, and Anna's heart nearly jumped out of her chest because oh goodness their hands were touching. That was almost like hand-holding, wasn't it?

Goodness, this was going to be the death of her. She was certain. She should probably think about leaving the country.

" Bures !" Anna blurted out. Right on the phone. She heard Yelena chuckling from the other end of the line.

" Bures bures , Anna. I've heard your sister has been taking good care of you. Is that true?"

Oh God, she was literally going to die.

"Yes!" She exclaimed, a little bit too loud judging by Elsa's wince. "I mean, yeah. She's good. I mean, we're good! How are you?"

"We're… recovering. Thank you for asking"

"She's taking good care of you" yeah you'd really like your own sister to take good care of you, wouldn't you, Anna?

"Let's jump straight to the point," Yelena said. "When are you two coming here? The sun is already up. Shall I prepare a bedroom?"

A bedroom? As in, one bedroom?

"Actually," Elsa interjected (thank goodness). "I was thinking we should travel in July, after Anna's summer break begins." She took a deep breath. "I don't think I could survive high season in the hotel"

"Yes, that's what I thought, too," Yelena agreed. "Do you get vacation time in your field of work?"

"We do," Elsa nodded, although she seemed unsure. She was probably thinking about talking to her boss. "I was thinking about taking three weeks off this summer"

"Good. "We should begin discussing the logistics of your trip. I will pay for your flight"

"Yelena, no." Elsa opened her mouth to protest, but Yelena quickly cut her off:

"I'm not asking you. And I told you not to give orders to me"

"I apologize," Elsa reluctantly said, closing her eyes in frustration. "Alright. We should set a date as early as possible. I shall speak to my boss sometime this week"

"In July, you say?" Yelena asked. "I suppose you plan on spending Anna's birthday with us"

"Yep! That's the plan!" Anna said.

"Yes. And Yelena, there was something else my sister and I wanted to talk about," Elsa continued. "I believe it's better we sort it out before we continue with the preparations"

"You better not plan to stay with us," said Yelena. Anna's eyes widened. "No. Not now. Perhaps things have settled by July, but if we are to make plans now, we should act under the assumption that they won't"

Anna's brows furrowed. She looked at her sister for explanations.

"W-what do you mean?" She asked.

"Have your parents not told you?" Yelena asked. "I shouldn't be surprised. Last winter, none other than your dear Grandfather came to visit"

Her jaw dropped. She glanced at her sister again, but Elsa simply stared at her phone.

"He… he did?" Anna asked. "I didn't know. Wait." She turned to Elsa. "Did you know?"

"Mama and Papa did mention something about it," she confessed. "It's the reason why you and I stayed here in January after they left. They considered it would be more prudent"

"But… he's not in Finnmark anymore, is he?"

"I doubt he is after the little chat I had with him," Yelena said, very ominously. "But he's posing a threat to my grandchildren. They're both legal adults, thank God, but I'd rather not risk a lawsuit"

"So…" Anna gently knocked her knuckles together. "Should we not go?"

"That's not what I said," Yelena declared. "Yes, come to Finnmark in summer. I'd be happy to have you closer someday soon, but it's not wise for you to move in this year"

Anna exhaled. Well, there went Plan A. It wasn't like she didn't trust Elsa to look after her— she did! She truly did. But it was clear Elsa didn't see it the same way, and it may be a good idea to have a real adult around. Yet the mere mention of Grandfather activated her fight-or-flight response, and she'd be happy to burrow in her tiny svalbardian island with what was left of her family for the rest of her life if that's what it took to keep them safe, thank you very much.

Their conversation lasted nearly two hours, with Anna taking over as soon as Elsa awkwardly ran out of things to say (it happened around the 20 minutes mark). She asked Yelena about the reindeer (they were fine) and about Honeymaren and Ryder, who weren't visiting at the time. It sounded like they were doing pretty well at university. Both of them studied in Áltá now, but they visited as often as possible. Yelena asked about school and Anna was happy to go on tangents about her friends, her late homework, and her favorite teacher, who brought a real sword to class half the time. It was a very cool sword. Elsa was less happy to talk when Yelena asked about work. But Anna was good at looking like she was paying attention when her mind was somewhere else, and while in the beginning her mind was saturated by the smell of Elsa's perfume and the closeness of her skin, in time her thoughts shifted into something more appropriate, and she spent a big deal of time thinking about the Weasel, and about what being unable to comply to his conditions meant for her and her sister.

By the time they said goodbye and hung the phone, Anna was completely exhausted, despite not having moved from the couch once.

"Uh, those are bad news," she pointed out. Elsa nodded as she got to her feet and paced anxiously around the living room.

"I need to book an appointment with him," she declared. Anna nodded patiently.

"What will you tell him?" She asked.

Elsa brought her arms around herself.

"I need to think about it"

It didn't look like she was getting anything more out of Elsa, so Anna stood up, smoothed over her clothes with her hands, and decided to retreat into her room before it became too awkward. There was a book she needed to read, and she still needed to figure out an explanation for Kristoff.

---

A quick, depressing look at the fridge one weekend in the afternoon provoked an impromptu walk to Svalbardbutikken. Elsa had never found grocery shopping to be fun— it certainly hadn't been the first times she'd done it since January, considering it was one of the tedious but familiar activities she'd shared with her mother—, maybe because she'd never gone with Anna, but it was… incredibly endearing, comfortable, and oddly entertaining. Anna skimmed through the shelves and pronounced onomatopeias like "Uh!" and "Ah!" every time she came across anything deserving of her interest, from new noodles and weirdly-shaped cheese graters to stuffed animals and glittery phone chargers. Elsa soon found herself quietly grinning as Anna ran down the aisles like a squirrel on caffeine. She had made a list herself before Elsa even got the chance to check the fridge, so she was currently leading her big sister all around the department store as she picked food cans, flour bags, chocolate, jam, cheese, coffee bags, chocolate, cereal, soda, certainly not enough vegetables and far more chocolate than indicated on her list. After a while, Elsa had relinquished complete control to her, and she limited herself to pushing the cart wherever Anna commanded.

As they passed in front of the ice cream freezer, with its varied brands of pre-packaged sugar overdoses, Elsa bit back a smirk and said:

"I believe we might need this" Elsa playfully commented. "It wouldn't happen to be in your list, would it?"

Anna stopped in her tracks and stared at her like she'd just grown a second head.

"...It isn't, actually," she almost pitifully admitted. "You see, I calculated our budget. I was forced to make some cuts in the asparagus area, see?" She showed her the list as a proof.

"Come on," Elsa insisted. "I think we can afford a pint"

Anna reconsidered for a moment, but then she said:

"You know, I'm making it up as I go anyway"

She let Anna pick the flavor, obviously. This was a treat for her, and she seemed quite happy with it. She trotted along the shelves, ran her fingers over everything on them, picked some bags or cardboard boxes to replace the stuff they already had in the cart, and then she dragged Elsa all over the store to return what they wouldn't buy, mumbling a tiny "sorry," as if she were apologizing for not choosing a given object over another.

"Will you please take me home with you?" A fluffy penguin-shaped keychain— yes, a penguin — asked, with Anna's voice, as Anna held it in her hands. "Please, lady Elsa, don't leave me here alone"

Elsa couldn't hold back a giggle at Anna's playful spirit. Oh, sweet, adorable little Anna. She made her heart swell with love.

"Well, Anna made sure we had enough to feed an extra mouth today," she told the penguin keychain. "You should thank her. She's been advocating for you"

She thought she'd evoke a smile from Anna, or perhaps a shy blush, and a voice inside her head told her that was enough , and that not because she could forgive herself for what she could not control did it mean she had any right to find gratification in Anna's mortification and much less to provoke it. But to her surprise and almost disappointment, Anna's playful grin faltered. Her eyes were wide with reluctance and discomfort. She placed the keychain back on the shelf.

"I realized... you know," she gestured at the keychain. "The budget"

Elsa's breath caught in her throat, but she didn't object and didn't ask questions, even as a timid trepidation grew inside her stomach. She wondered if it was her fault, somehow? What was her fault, exactly? Didn't matter. The 'what' was irrelevant. Still, she mentally promised Anna she'd make up for it.

At one point, Anna's feet came to a halt, and Elsa almost crashed the cart into her.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

Anna's head jerked up. She smiled at her sister.

"It's nothing," she said, and her lithe fingers wrapped around the metal of the cart to drag it into a different direction. Elsa obediently followed, and she caught a glimpse of Hans Westergaard somewhere down the aisles.

---

Elsa's phone rang as soon as they left Svalbardbutikken, and without a second thought, Anna leaned over her shoulder to see the contact name. She subsequently grimaced.

"Don't pick up," she told her sister. "I can't believe he is calling you too now"

Elsa sighed and placed her phone back in her pocket, letting it cry until it grew tired.

"It's the first time he does," Elsa explained, tightly gripping the bags in her hands. "Come on. Let's go home"

Anna insisted she could carry more bags, but Elsa being Elsa wanted to play the Big Sister role and do everything herself, so that left them walking a bit slower than they should. It wasn't like Anna was complaining, no sir! Because it was the middle of March, it was four in the afternoon, and the sun was timidly rising into the pale blue sky. Not a cloud in sight prevented the light from spilling over the snow and caressing her face. It was quite warm, really, considering it was winter and they were reaching a whooping —9 C° heat. She was glad they'd forgotten to get gasoline for the snowmobiles because then she got a perfect excuse to be out in the sun with her big sis, something she would usually enjoy. And she did enjoy it! She was having the time of her life, even if they were going at five turtles per hour. Yep. Nothing at all was wrong. Her fingers still tingled from when Elsa gave her the bags and their hands accidentally touched, but that was probably just the cold destroying her nerve endings or something.

"So…" Anna began. "What are we going to do with him? If Finnmark is not an option, I mean"

Elsa didn't turn to face her and simply looked forward as she shrugged.

"I don't know," she confessed. "I will try speaking to him. Perhaps I can… convince him staying with me for the time being would be the safest option for you for the time being"

Something in Anna's heart tickled and fluttered.

"I thought you said that wouldn't work," she objected.

"I did"

"So…"

"I don't see any other options"

Anna nodded and tore her eyes away from her sister. Okay. No options. That never happened when Mama and Papa were around to look after them. They would be great at handling whatever legal problems came up. Papa had always been good at keeping Grandfather at bay.

But, of course, Elsa was pretty much still a child, just like her.

She saw Elsa open her mouth to say something, and she hesitated for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Anna," she said. "I wish things weren't this way"

"What? No, Elsa, this isn't your fault," Anna said, quickly raising her tone of voice. "You're not doing anything wrong. I have complete faith in you"

Elsa offered her sister a pained glance.

"I wish I could live up to all the trust you have in me"

"You already do. Every single day. And no matter how this ends, I'll know you did everything you could. There's no way you could let me down"

She studied her sister's expression, looking for any signs of tears or smiles. Elsa simply glanced down, her eye twitching and blinking.

"Thank you," she muttered.

"I'm here for you, Elsa," Anna insisted. "You don't need to fight alone anymore"

Her sister finally raised her head, to actually face her and look at her with both eyes.

"The same goes for you, I would hope," she said.

Anna nodded and offered Elsa a tight smile.

"I know," she said. She quickened her pace just a tiny bit. "So, when are we talking to the Weasel?"

Elsa, who was falling behind, managed to catch up to her sister.

"Well, I was planning on visiting him next week," Elsa explained. "You, meanwhile, would be at school"

"...I thought we just said we'll do things together"

"I know. We will. I'm not leaving you behind, Anna," Elsa reassured her. "But he can't know you know about this. Most importantly, he can't know you feel the same way I do"

Anna nodded, slowly processing Elsa's words. God knew what the Weasel would think of Elsa if he knew her little sister also wanted to fuck her. Would he think she'd influenced her? Brainwashed her? Corrupted her? Oh, he would totally think Elsa did things to her head, and goodbye Svalbard if he got the wrong ideas and talked to the wrong people. The terrifying prospect of Kristoff and the Weasel putting all the pieces together immediately jumped to the front of her mind.

"Yeah," Anna said, staring at the tips of her boots. "What are you saying? Rehearse with me." She extended her arms to her sides, with a bit of difficulty due to the weight of the shopping bags. "Pretend I'm him"

The corner of Elsa's mouth twitched into what might have been a smile in a different life if she weren't so terrified. She shook her head.

"I'd tell him about our situation," she explained. "I'd tell him about Grandfather, and what he did to us"

Anna nodded. She wasn't very sure what Elsa meant by that, because she barely remembered the details of what Grandfather did, other than the image of him holding Mama— or was it Elsa?— down with his arms. Or did he push them around? Did he hit them? No. Or did he? She knew he didn't like it when Mama spoke her tongue, but she did anyway because, well, she was Mama . In any case, she knew Grandfather meant danger.

"What if that doesn't convince him?" Anna asked. "And… please don't say you go to jail and Grandfather kidnaps me"

"I suppose we could try to get you to Finnmark," Elsa suggested, very cleverly avoiding the not-going-to-jail part. "But then we're back at square one"

They continued to walk through the center of town, which was about five blocks big with a few shops and hotels. She observed the people— mostly familiar faces, but none too familiar. Only two people in Svalbard knew her, and only one knew her . Still, she enjoyed the safety of both familiarity and anonymity. She had a house she shared only with his sister and she knew Svalbard like the back of her hand. And, most importantly, Grandfather had never dared to chase them this far north. Between Papa's protection and Grandfather's complicated medical history, their family had found their refuge. And it could all be snatched from them because of… what? A mental illness? It wasn't like they wanted to be ill! It was ridiculous.

"I can't believe this," Anna muttered. "What kind of therapist does this? Doesn't he need to help you with… you know, the thing?"

"I suppose he should," Elsa agreed. "He's always been strange"

"Why did Mama and Papa even let you go with him? He sounds so horrible"

Elsa didn't reply right away. She carefully considered her words before giving Anna an answer.

"I guess it was because he'd tell them about our sessions"

Anna nearly tripped over her own feet. Elsa immediately dropped her bags, no question asked, to grab her arm and help her.

"Are you okay?"

"He did… they did…?" Anna gaped at her. "Wait, they read my diary. Of course they…" She dropped her own bags and kicked the know at her feet. "Oh, I can't believe this! Actually, no, I definitely can"

"I don't hold it against them," Elsa shyly tried to argue. "They were concerned about me. I didn't tell them nearly as much as I should have, and…"

"So, Kristoff asking about me is a breach of my privacy, but your psychologist spilling your secrets isn't?" Anna countered. "And they paid him for that. How could they…?"

She shouldn't feel betrayed. No, she always knew there was no hiding secrets from their parents. It had felt like a deserved punishment when they breached further than she'd liked into her issues, but to know about… the psychologist… and Elsa… then it was institutional rather than personal and… and…

"Wait, is that even legal?" Anna asked. A scary, mildly perverse idea was taking shape in her head.

"I don't think it is," Elsa said. "Why?"

Anna exchanged a long look with her sister. She pressed her lips into a thin line, picked up the bags from the snowy ground, and continued walking.

"You're not gonna like this," she warned her.

---

The pizza went into the oven in a surprisingly smooth motion, considering the last time Anna tried to cook something substantial she'd nearly burned down the kitchen by dropping the food directly into the fire. But somehow, when the stakes were low and the only reactions her clumsiness could elicit from her family were a compassionate, endeared little laugh, that's when her fine motor skills became competent. Not at all when she was trying to impress her parents with her cooking abilities, no sir. She could only cook when Elsa was too busy sorting the groceries (by color and size) from the bags to look.

"So, we're doing this," Elsa observed.

"I mean, it's just an idea," Anna tried to soften the blow as she closed the oven door and checked their dinner was nestled safely in its warm little solar bed. "Uh! Hot!"

Gentle paces announced Elsa's proximity, and when Anna stood up and placed her hands on her hips, she came face to face with her very hot big sister when she certainly didn't expect her to be this close , exactly. She wrinkled her nose and refused to take a step back, you know, not to look like she was running from the plague (although her nose-wrinkling might have looked like she thought Elsa smelled bad— which she didn't! She smelled very good. Wow. Really good. Was that a new perfume).

"Cheese," Anna nodded, very satisfied with herself. "I forgot to add cheese"

She opened the oven and saved the not-at-all-cooked-yet pizza from inside, and thankfully Elsa gave her a bit more space (congrats, Anna, for making her think you think she smelled bad).

"I should apologize to you," Elsa said. "I wish I'd intervened sooner"

Anna frowned very hard at the piece of… pizza cheese (whatever it was called) she was chopping into slices.

"Oh, it's okay;" she reassured her. "I said I would cook this time, I promised I wouldn't burn down the kitchen…" she raised a finger. "And I still haven't done so, so I'm technically keeping my promise"

"No, no," Elsa raised her hands and accentuate her point. "That's... not what I'm talking about. I never set strong enough boundaries with Mama and Papa. If I had, perhaps they wouldn't have thought it was okay to invade your own privacy"

Anna frowned again, this time at her very hot, very sweet, very stupid big sister.

"You're kidding, right?" She asked. Then, more to herself than to Elsa, she added: "No, you're not. This is exactly the kind of thing you would be serious about"

"I am serious," Elsa insisted.

"Elsa, there's no way Mama and Papa reading my diary once was your fault," Anna argued. "I'm not even mad at them for that. I mean, I'm sure all parents read their daughter's journals. That's on me for being so obvious. And they only did it once! I'm honestly more worried about the Weasel"

The pizza was ready in half an hour. More than ready. Super crunchy. Anna loved crunchy. Yum! If she tried hard enough she could even swallow her bites. Elsa was very kind and patient and complimented her cooking. They hadn't bothered to set the table, currently occupied by all their grocery bags, and instead had dinner standing in the kitchen. Anna had picked the wrong cheese, it seemed, because it tasted nothing like the pizza their parents used to make.

Heh. What a depressing thought.

She occasionally glanced over at Elsa, who was making a very considerate effort to eat what Anna had made ('cooked' was an overstatement). Anna tried to remember if Elsa would have shown the same kindness back then, before their parent's departure. She guessed she would have, because she still joined most movie nights they shared, didn't she? But Anna's little heart would have been squeezed by the anxiety of being silently judged by Elsa, who behaved politely not because she loved Anna, but because it was the appropriate behavior you would offer a stranger.

Anna found that, while she hated making Elsa eat her coal-shaped dinner and felt a little bad for not being useful in the kitchen, she wasn't, well, terrified of her. That was a nice change.

And… it made the girl in front of her feel both like her family and a total stranger at the same time.

Wow. She'd missed so much, between therapy, their parent's invasion, Elsa's secret paraphilia…

'Paraphilia' was such an ugly word. It made it sound like Elsa was ill. Which, to be fair, she was, just like Anna, but it wasn't evil , was it? It was an accident. Elsa wasn't dangerous. Anna wasn't scared of her, and such horrible words as 'incest' and 'paraphilia' would make anyone think she should be.

Well, they didn't know Elsa like Anna did.

Elsa. Her sister. This… stranger. Who crashed into Anna's life one day saying "Hello, I will be your surrogate mother from now on. Please allow me to hug you and shower you in love until it starts to feel weird" and then the next day she just said "I've actually been in love with you during all this time I spent making you think I hated you". Yeah. That certainly didn't leave Anna with a bunch of unformulated, abstract questions that could only be expressed with an agape jaw and wide eyes. Because, where would she even start with that? It wasn't like she could just ask Elsa to tell her about her childhood traumas. Although Elsa had gotten Anna to open up in the past, so maybe it wouldn't be too weird. And it wasn't just her own morbid curiosity, oh not at all! Her concerns were genuinely practical, too. She worried about not seeing the full picture and not being able to help Elsa when she needed her.

For once, she picked her words carefully. She had a lot of time as she chewed on what might have been dough and cheese before and tried to swallow it.

"Elsa, are you scared of your psychologist?"

Elsa inhaled sharply, perhaps unintentionally avoiding Anna's gaze.

"And don't tell me not to worry about it," Anna insisted.

The corner of Elsa's mouth twitched.

"I won't," Elsa promised. "To be honest, I am. I worry." she held her hands together. "I am scared"

Anna could feel her heart physically break for her sister. Whatever they did to Elsa during all those years must have been… monstrous. Jeez, just bury a whole person. Pretend she doesn't exist. Why would anyone want to hide the real Elsa and replace her with an unfeeling robot?

"I can't imagine what all those years with him must have been for you," Anna commented. "I'm sorry you had to go through all of that alone"

Elsa opened her mouth to object, maybe to say she hadn't been alone, because she'd had friends, a family, and access to psychological assistance, but then she closed it again. No, she'd been as lonely as Anna if not more.

"I think you can imagine it quite well," Elsa forced a playful smile, but Anna didn't buy it.

"But, I mean...," Anna objected, lifting herself with her hands and sitting on the counter. "I don't have my therapist after me threatening to send me to jail"

Elsa waited for a moment, then nodded.

"You make a good point," she admitted. "Dr. Weselton has always been… forward"

"I guess trying to get his own patients in jail could be considered forward"

"He was abrasive," Elsa elaborated. "He… He said a lot of painful things. He didn't listen to me." Her eyes squinted, brows furrowing. "He acted like he knew me better than I knew myself, so when he explained his hypotheses, I believed him." She screwed her eyes shut for a moment. "I believed I wanted to rape you"

Anna blinked. She tried to find Elsa's eyes but she wouldn't raise her head. She slowly processed and dissected Elsa's words and she quietly and with horror began to grasp the reality of her trauma.

"Oh, Elsa," Anna softly said. "You didn't want to rape me. You were just a child!"

Elsa sighed heavily and tiredly.

"I know that now"

Anna's mouth was, for once, uselessly shut. Sudden, quiet, scalding anger began to brew inside of her.

"When did he learn you felt… this way, about me?"

"It was during our last session," Elsa explained. "Mama and Papa knew he had a habit of running his mouth, so they didn't want him to know" she squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep, angry breath. "I don't know why I disobeyed them"

"Because you couldn't do everything alone," Anna reminded her. "I can't believe you hid so much for so long, Elsa. You shouldn't have to be this strong"

Elsa exhaled. Her shoulders deflated, but her eyes remained tightly closed.

Who was this person? Anna wanted to ask, yet her heart told her she already knew her better than anyone else. She held back the urge to pull her into a hug.

This was real. It was all real.

"I wasn't stronger than you," Elsa said, finally opening her eyes, and the look she gave Anna was so gentle and adoring, so pitiful, apologetic, devastated and immensely loving, that the blood her heart pounded warmed the tips of her ears and the back of her neck. Because, oh , this was Elsa, wasn't it? She was… infinitely sweet, loving, and selfless. Her shoulders were still weak and trembling from carrying all of that weight and all she cared about was Anna and Anna's pain and the strength Anna was forced to muster the unjust experiences Anna suffered even though she wasn't even angry! She'd never been.

Oh, how could Anna ever think she could stop loving her?

Anna looked down at her knees and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She didn't deserve any of this love. She wanted to trash and scream and fight for her sister against people who were out of her reach, not... not... She didn't want to be a useless kid with a crush that served more as a burden than anything else.

Elsa placed her empty dish in the sink. Right. The conversation was over. And Anna couldn't even cook for her.

"Do you want me to try again?" She asked, hopping down from the counter and disappearing through the door that gave way into the living room. "I think I put some pasta in the cart while you weren't looking"

She heard Elsa's hesitant steps behind her.

"What you made today was perfect," her big sister said, in the softest voice imaginable. "Thank you for cooking for us"

"Uh, no problem!" Anna still dug her hands into the nearest grocery bag and tried to find something that didn't taste like firewood, as she mentally kicked herself. In the stomach. To get the warm butterflies in there to stop messing with her. Why did Elsa have to be so goddamn perfect? "We did get ice cream, didn't we?"

Elsa nodded politely from her place in the doorway.

"We did. I froze the bag on the inside"

Anna looked for a winter-wonderland-shaped bag and fished the treasure from inside. She then proceeded to walk back into the kitchen, right past Elsa and without looking at her.

"Do you want some?" She asked, so she'd know how many spoons they'd need.

"Anna…"

"Yeah, should have known you'd want some. Chocolate is still your favorite, right?"

A delicate hand touched her shoulder, and her brain short-circuited trying to find an escape route. Should she redirect the conversation back to the Weasel? No, there was no need to put more stress on Elsa. Did Elsa need a hug? She could give her a quick hug, sure! And ice cream. Yep. Ice cream would help.

Anna's heart jumped into her throat when a soft presence pressed against her back. Well, not pressed, but she must surely be close enough to feel her racing heart regardless. And she wasn't completely behind her, either, but rather standing a bit too close, with one hand resting over the counter and with her head close to Anna's shoulder.

Christ, Elsa, what are you doing?

"You're not alright," Elsa mumbled. Oh, Anna really didn't want to hurt her feelings, but if she didn't get away from her she'd wind up having a heart attack. Or dying from overheat. Her cheeks must be as red as a tomato. She actually wanted to turn around in her arms, cup her sister's face between her hands and kiss her senseless, of course, which was the whole problem.

Goodness, Anna was so messed up she couldn't even stand next to Elsa.

"Anna, what's wrong?"

"Mh? Nothing's wrong" she squirmed away and deliberately avoided looking at her devastated puppy eyes. "I'm fine. Just worried about… everything. You know. Same as you!" She tried to laugh. When she slid a spoon across the counter in Elsa's direction, she didn't pick it up, and Anna winced internally. "You know, I don't think I want ice cream after all. One slice of pizza was enough for tonight"

"Anna, wait"

"I'm… going to bed now" She spluttered. She swung the freezer door open and haphazardly shoved the ice cream pint inside. "So, you'll talk to your psychologist tomorrow?"

"It's seven in the afternoon"

"I can go to bed early! Besides, I think I have an exam or something tomorrow"

Shit, did she? Now that she thought about it, her English teacher had mentioned something about an important assignment.

"Oh, and Elsa…" she looked at her sister and gathered up her courage before she could chicken out. "Uh, please don't stand next to me like that?"

I can't take it. And I don't deserve your attention.

The pain reflected in Elsa's eyes broke her heart into a million pieces, and regret caught up with her like a freight train. Anna wondered if this is how she felt with every rejection over the years.

Elsa's shoulders deflated. She exhaled and averted her shameful eyes.

"Alright," her defeated voice said. "I'm sorry. I'll have it in mind from now on"

Oh, no.

Elsa closed her eyes and turned her back to her. She began to gather everything she'd used to cook— the pizza pan, the knives— and quietly placed everything in the sink.

"It's not because I'm scared of you, you know?" Anna said, quickly realizing her mistake. "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I didn't mean to"

"What? Anna, don't…" Elsa exhaled and looked up at the ceiling. "I'm not hurt," she quietly reassured her. "That isn't what you should worry about"

Anna couldn't go to bed just yet, could she? No, she could not. The groceries they'd bought were still abandoned on the table, and she refused to let Elsa do everything herself.

"I think I'll take care of…" she gestured at the bags. "Yeah"

She kept an eye on her sister as she gathered in her arms sugar bags, vegetables, soap, and dried fish to sort through the kitchen (except for the soap. The soap was going to the bathroom). Elsa looked like she usually did, which was kind of a bad sign. Anna opened her mouth several times to say something, but if her ideas sounded terrible in her head, they must be even worse if spoken. She actually thought very thoroughly about it, and once they were over, she spread her arms and said.

"You know, I take it back. You can stand next to me. If fact, you can hug me right now if you want," she took a step towards her sister. "Come here. I'm waiting"

Elsa did not move from the doorway.

"I'm not doing something that makes you uncomfortable," she declared, shaking her head. "No, Anna. You're doing the right thing by setting limits where I fail to do my job"

Anna's arms dropped to her sides. Oh, she'd really messed up. Goodness, she was so stupid! 'My therapist made me believe I was a deranged sexual deviant ever since I was ten.' Yeah, of course, 'stay away from me' was exactly the kind of thing Elsa needed to hear from her at that moment.

She took a seat on top of the table, her feet dangling down the edge.

"I'm sorry I've been so distant lately"

Elsa shook her head.

"You weren't. You've been taking care of yourself"

"Oh, my goodness, did I make you feel guilty? Or— or alone? I'm so sorry. It won't happen again"

"No, no, Anna, that's not it"

"I promise I'm not pushing you away again. That was rude of me. Not because you were rude to me when you pushed me away! You were being responsible. I'm just trying to… I mean… the rules…" She motioned with her hands to express her point. "And I'm not scared of you either! It's not you, it's me, you know? I…" she dropped her hands into her lap and sighed. She didn't dare to fully venture into hostile territory and further ruin their night. "Nothing. Never mind. I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't be talking so much about… you know"

She slid down from the table, and she was about to go into her bedroom for real when her sister stopped her.

"Anna, wait. Please," she begged, and Anna, who had recently become an expert at saying no, couldn't fight her heart and stopped upon her sister's request. "I know I was the one who made you believe you couldn't trust me. I'm the reason why you keep so much to yourself"

"You didn't do anything, " Anna argued.

"You tried to approach me before, even after Mama and Papa's departure," Elsa insisted. "I said you could talk to me, but I didn't keep my promise, and I want to make it up for you"

Oh. Anna exhaled softly.

"Uh… so…" Anna gestured at the both of them with her hands. "I can just… talk about the thing as much as I want? Right now?"

"You can," Elsa promised. She raised her hands and added: "I won't force you to tell me anything, of course"

"I know," Anna said. She dragged one of the chairs away from the (now cleared) table and sat on it. "I… I think I want to tell you. Um…" she fiddled with her fingers. "Yeah, I'm sorry if I've been avoiding you. Or if I made you feel rejected. Or like I was scared of you. I just... I mean, is it not hard to…?" She hugged herself to demonstrate. "You became so sweet towards me all of a sudden. I mean, not— not all of a sudden, of course. You started to hug me again three months ago. Has it been three months already? Never mind. I…" she lowered her head, suddenly feeling embarrassed. Well, more embarrassed than usual. Half of her heart still panicked over the one-sidedness of her feelings. It was like being naked in front of a clothed person, Anna supposed. She had to remind herself she wasn't confessing her sins, and that if anyone on Earth understood, or could forgive her, or wanted to be there for her, it was her big sister.

Elsa seemed to take notice of her agitation and grabbed another chair, sitting across from her at the table.

"Would you like me to be less affectionate?"

"Yes! No! Ugh!" Anna rubbed a hand over her face. "You just… You make me feel things when you do stuff"

Elsa patiently nodded, listening to Anna despite her lack of eloquence.

"And… I don't know. When you told me you… you… that you were in love with me, it's like, wow , my whole world changed, right? Things I thought were true kind of weren't, and you weren't the person I thought you were! Wait, that came off wrong." She breathed in and inched closer to the edge of the chair. "I just… thought it would get easier, I guess? I thought, oh, Elsa feels the same way I do, so I'm not a freak. Great! I can still have a good and normal life!" She noticed Elsa's brow furrowing, but she didn't interrupt Anna's rambling. "I know you've always loved me now, and I'm really glad you told me. I wouldn't have it any other way!" She took a trembling breath. "But now that I do know how you feel, and I know what your… you know, your looks..."

"My looks?"

"Your glances. Yeah. Or your hugs. Your… words. Whenever you say something cute to me. When you're kind to me. I know what it means. Even going out to eat with you feels…" she placed a hand over her heart. "It's like I'm…" It's alright. You can say these things now. "Oh, this is embarrassing, but it's like I'm falling in love with you all over again." A warm blush tingled under her skin, and she continued before she could get more embarrassed: "And it kind of hurts. I don't know. It's— it's not like I'm consciously thinking about it. I just… And this isn't your fault! But it... it makes it... so much harder!

She studied Elsa's expression, trying to read meaning in the way her eyebrows pinched together or in how she held her hands over her lap. Had she said something wrong? Oh, goodness, she totally made it sound like being in love with her was a terrible thing. Well, it was, but if anyone told Anna loving her was bad she'd probably start crying.

The concern in Elsa's eyes was absolutely heartbreaking.

"Is it painful to you?" She asked.

Anna blinked and frowned.

"What is painful?"

"The feeling," Elsa clarified. She inhaled deeply. "We established rules to agree on what was acceptable and what wasn't. I apologize, I must have gotten carried away"

"You mean, with all the… niceness?"

"I suppose." Elsa's eyes found her sister's. "Anna, I won't stop treating you with respect, and I won't stop trying to be kind to you," she said, looking very serious and making Anna's heart jump again. She was still looking after her. "But I don't want you to think I always have my feelings for you in mind. I love you because you're my sister . When I hug you, that is all it means. Everything else is secondary to me." She took a deep breath, held for a moment, and then exhaled. "But if I have to be honest, you make me feel things too, Anna," she said, and Anna's heart skipped a beat. "They're good feelings, too. I've been trying to make peace with them. And I apologize if I've unknowingly crossed your boundaries. I should have been more aware of your discomfort, and I promise you, from now on, I won't initiate anything without asking you first"

Oh, she had it bad, didn't she?

Well, in all honesty, if Anna expected anything from Elsa, her embracing her incestuous affections for her little sister as soon as she was told she was allowed to was the last thing that came to mind. But after so many years of repressing it, she supposed it made sense for her to snap. Or at least be sick of it.

She was learning new things about her sister every day. Perhaps Elsa was more adventurous than Anna had thought.

Elsa noticed her silence. One of her hands squeezed the other on her lap, and Anna knew she wanted to reach out for her.

"Anna? Is that alright?"

"Oh? Yeah! Yeah, it's… Wait, what?" Anna blinked. "No! I mean… You're not… You're not a predator. We're still sisters. You can stand as close to me as you want. If I feel weird I'll… deal with it somehow. It's not like it bothers me. I like it. When you stand close to me. And when you're nice. It bothers me that I like it. I feel a bit guilty about it, actually. I mean, about liking it and about feeling bad that I like it. Because it's not something we should be ashamed of, right? It's not something you should be ashamed of. Right. Because you like it. And I'm okay with that. There's nothing wrong with liking it when your sister is nice to you"

"Do you not feel unsafe that I feel this way?"

"Not at all. We both feel like things, don't we?" Anna's eyes widened. Her breath left her lungs in a shaky sigh. "Oh, goodness. Elsa, we're in love with each other"

Elsa sat quietly on her chair, without moving, almost like a frightened hare waiting for the hunter's next move.

"We are," she finally murmured.

"That's… alright," Anna blurted. "We're alright, right?"

Elsa glanced away, shamefully hiding like a lost puppy. Neither of them really knew what they were doing.

"And it doesn't have to mean anything." Anna continued.

Elsa's blue, warm eyes didn't move from hers.

"No," she agreed. "It does not"

No, it didn't have to, but it could if so she chose. Elsa had clearly made her decision to embrace the butterflies in her stomach (although she took constructive criticism), because, wow , of all the people she could be smitten with, it was her little sister. Dumb, clumsy, unskilled little Anna. From what Hans and Kristoff told her, older siblings couldn't stand the sight of their younger siblings. They found them annoying and childish, and couldn't wait for the day they were free of them and the responsibility they brought along. Little siblings were snotty little brats less appreciated than snow in your boots.

Yet Elsa was… in love with that?

Anna decided her sister was a very strange, very confusing person.

She spent a fair deal of her time that night mulling over it, tossing and turning in her bed unable to find a cool enough spot or a position that didn't make her feel like her arms were falling off her body.

"That was rude of me" she mumbled under her breath.

Yeah, it had been a bit rude. She'd totally hurt Elsa's feelings.

"But Elsa did want me to talk to her, didn't she? I just told her the truth"

Oh, when had the truth ever helped her? Her family would have been better off if she'd only been able to control herself and not spend her whole childhood ogling her own sister.

Oh, that wasn't true and she knew it. She was just mad at herself.

" 'Make peace with them. She says she wants to make peace with them"

What in the world did that mean!? Elsa had made it clear she wasn't, like, seeking sexual gratification. She wasn't getting off on... this. She was expressing her sisterly love and her sisterly love only. Anna was the only one who couldn't seem to keep it in her pants.

Oh, she was both thankful and regretful she hadn't thought of an actually substantial question for Elsa back then during dinner. But now it haunted her brain and stole all sleep away from her.

" 'Make peace with it' . Does that mean she likes being in love with me?" She mused. "Does she want to be in love with me? Or is she just trying to look at the bright side of things?"

No, that was dumb. Elsa would never look at the bright side of things.

No, 'making peace' was what they'd agreed on, wasn't it? Anna herself had been the one to suggest it. Elsa was simply sticking to the plan, and Anna was throwing tantrums like a baby.

Her lizard brain told her this was yet another call to attention to get a grip on herself and put some distance between the two. Go talk to Kristoff. Hang out with Hans. Actually do her homework for once. That afternoon had been too much for her sickly tiny heart and if she didn't escape soon she'd go mad.

Was that her solution? To reduce contact with Elsa? No, it couldn't be. Not after so many years. This was a new chance for them. And what was her plan, then? Taking some distance would definitely hurt Elsa, and Anna wasn't sure she even wanted space. She wanted her family. She wanted Elsa's unconditional love and having her so ready and eager to grant it was almost intimidating. Love was something you needed to work for. It didn't come for free. And didn't they set rules to avoid exactly that? Didn't they want a playbook to dictate the organization of their relationship and determine the parameters of what was appropriate and what wasn't? And if Anna couldn't even have Elsa stand next to her, then adding more rules would result in both of them living in two different towns. You know. The exact same thing they supposedly wanted to avoid.

Anna haphazardly slapped her hand all over the bedside table until she hit her nightlight, and a warm glow gently grazed the walls of her bedroom. She stared at the cracks of pain on the roof, at the long shadows the most minuscule protuberance cast. She swallowed, rubbed her eyes, dug her fingers into her red hair.

The worst part was that she was completely alone in it. The only person she could discuss it with was Elsa, who was obviously (obviously?) a big no-no. Although she'd just done that exact thing— discuss it with Elsa, and she already knew what her sister's solution was.

She said they were 'good feelings'. Good feelings! Anna's heart fluttered timidly at the memory of Elsa's voice explaining her thought process to her, and a part of her had to admit she felt… very flattered. Elsa got 'good feelings' from thinking about her and having her close. That was the part of herself that Anna wanted to kick in the shins. She didn't judge Elsa at all for dealing with everything in the way that brought her the least pain, but Anna… couldn't do it. She wasn't built that way. Because Elsa could feel whatever she wanted but she'd always had a decent level of self-control. Anna didn't trust herself not to jump her if she let herself fantasize too much.

Anna closed her eyes, grabbed her pillow, and hugged it very tight against her chest.

She was very happy for Elsa. She was glad her sister found a method that brought her peace. After so long, she'd learned to go along with the waves instead of fighting them, but Anna doubted she could ever close her eyes unless the roaring of her frantic heartbeats and the silence allowed her to sleep.

"They're good feelings"

Good feelings?

Oh, how beautiful, how painful that sounded when spoken with Elsa's voice!

Still, the echo of her big sister's words lulled her through the night and brought confusion and dizziness to her poor heart and timid tears to her eyes.

---

Within the week Elsa was strolling back into the clinic— her heart in her throat and her fingernails frosting over— leaving her boots near the door and following the receptionist's indications down the hall and into Dr. Weselton's office. With her back straight as a broomstick and hair combed into a smooth white bun, she knocked on his door and was met by two eyes small like burning coals. Elsa offered him the same politeness, staring down at the little man in a way he'd forced her to learn in order to punish her family so many years before.

"You're back," he pointed out. Her own heartbeat was deafening.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Weselton," Elsa managed to say.

"Is that a friend of yours, love?" A voice rough as sandpaper asked. Dr. Weselton's eyes widened. He turned away from Elsa to look into the room.

"An old patient," he corrected.

"Oh, I must get going then. Wouldn't want to leave the young lady waiting"

Dr. Weselton eyed Elsa as a slippery little viper staring at its prey. He held the door open with one hand and with the other helped an old lady stand up. She was taller than him, with hair as colorless as the arctic sky and wrinkly skin that gave her at least ten years over her partner. Elsa couldn't see her legs through her floor-length skirt, but it was clear they were quivering, barely holding her up.

"Shall I surprise you with dinner tonight?" The old lady asked.

"I don't think I'll make it in time for dinner," Dr. Weselton replied.

"I'll surprise you for kveldsmat , then," she chuckled but her voice sounded like she was choking on ashes. Elsa moved to the side to give her space, and only then the woman seemed to see her. She raised her eyes and looked at her up and down, taking in her stance, her clothes, her white hair.

"Elsa of Arendelle, isn't it?" She asked, and her clumsy smile disappeared. "My husband has said quite some things about you"

Elsa offered her a tight-lipped smile.

"Has he?" she inquired, glancing at her old psychologist through the corner of her eye. Dr. Weselton's shoulders squared up.

"I'll see you tonight," he told his wife, ushering her out of the clinic.

"I'll be waiting for you"

He waited until the clinic door swung open and close and his wife had disappeared from sight. Only then did he invite Elsa into his office.

"Elsa of Arendelle, indeed," he said, taking a seat at his desk. Elsa followed his example and drew a chair across from him. "I am terribly surprised to see you here again"

"I must begin by saying this will be the last time I visit," Elsa explained. "I'm here for one final session. Nothing more"

"Surely, you don't think we're done with you," he objected. "It would be very arrogant of you to assume our work is done"

"I believe we've worked far too much," she countered. "But let's have a few words. Please"

She swallowed and prayed he couldn't notice the snowflakes from outside still clinging to her dark clothes rather than melting away. Prayed he couldn't hear her frightened little heart.

"I've received no news about your sister's housing conditions," he pointed out. "Have you arranged a solution already?"

"Something of the like," Elsa replied. "Have you spoken to anyone about my family's situation?"

"Not yet. Despite what you might think of me, I'd be terribly saddened to see you in jail, Elsa of Arendelle"

"Not even to your wife?" She suggested.

Dr. Weselton's jaw visibly clenched.

"My wife and I keep no secrets from each other, although I can assure you she's of utmost trustworthiness"

Elsa nodded. So, she knew. There was another person who could rat them out, although, by the end of that session, that would no longer be a problem.

A pang of guilt assaulted her gut, but she forced it down. At the moment, she had different matters at hand.

"Are you aware what you do with your patient's information is illegal?" Elsa began, hiding the quiver of her voice. Dr. Weselton did not move an inch. His resentful eyes fixed on Elsa's. "You claim it's your responsibility to contact the authorities when someone's safety is endangered, yet you also breach your patient's confidentiality to gossip with your wife and get the favor of a patient's parents"

"You're just a child," Dr. Weselton bit back. "You wouldn't know the first thing about my field of work"

Elsa inhaled sharply. He was right. She did not know the first thing about a psychologist's career. He could debunk all and every single one of her arguments regardless of whether she was careful or not.

"I know that the most appropriate course of action would be to report you to the Community Council," Elsa continued, although she was unsure of her words. "Telling other people about what I shared with you in confidentiality without my consent isn't the only instance of malpractice that has taken place in this office"

"Malpractice?" His nostrils flared. He joined his hands over the table. "I was doing my job"

"You were doing it wrong," Elsa replied. She had the impression her voice sounded a lot like Anna's. For once in her life, she would hold someone else to the same standards she set for herself. "You cannot afford to make these mistakes when the mental health of countless people in this city are affected by your behavior"

"I contacted your parents because you were a minor," Dr. Weselton objected. It was a poor excuse, but Elsa silently wondered if he was telling the truth and everything he did was within his legal right. "As your guardians, they were legally entitled to information about our sessions. Their help was necessary for the treatment"

"Treatment?" Elsa wrinkled her nose. "If you truly believe spilling such vulnerable secrets to my parents was helpful to anyone, then that is only further proof of your infractions"

"Infr… How dare you?" He suddenly stood up. Elsa's pulse picked up at the movement, but she remained still on her seat, cold hands pressed together on her lap. "You know nothing . If you've come here only to form baseless accusations, I'll let you know I could have given this time to someone who needed it"

Elsa swallowed. She hoped following the plan of a fifteen-year-old hadn't been a mistake. She'd done her research before walking into the clinic, of course. She knew what level of detail her psychologist was legally allowed to share with her guardians, yet she didn't know how much exactly he'd revealed, and how much her parents had deduced on their own from his supposedly appropriate encounters with them.

She might be formulating baseless accusations.

"How much did you tell them?" She asked, then. If he loved to talk so much, he'd spill the details sooner or later.

"To your parents? The just and necessary"

"Did you…" She took a deep breath. She wasn't supposed to show weakness in front of this man. "Did you tell them, word for word, that I was in love with my own sister?"

He observed her for a moment, and Elsa had her answer.

"I had a legal obligation to contact family members when a child is in danger"

In danger, in danger. If her sister was in danger.

"But Anna was never in danger," Elsa argued. No, she'd never been. Elsa had never truly been dangerous. "If you'd paid attention during all the years I've been your patient, you would have known I'd do everything in my power to keep my sister safe. Being aware of how I feel, while knowing I don't have a plan to hurt her or that I even intend to act on my feelings, did not merit contacting anyone . It was something we could have sorted out here, but you refused to help me like you were supposed to"

She felt almost breathless once she was over. Her heart was racing, and she barely heard her psychologist's words over the rush of her own blood through her ears.

"Is she not in danger now ?" He questioned, although Elsa already had the correct answer to anything he could throw at her. "If you truly cared about your sister's wellbeing, you would let an experienced adult look after her. Instead, you're obsessed with keeping her with you!"

"She's my family," Elsa reasoned. Family before anything else. "We've lost our parents. Anna and I need each other right now"

"You need psychological assistance," her therapist countered. "And your sister needs a safer place to stay"

"You don't understand our situation," Elsa objected. She still held all the cards, and although she could perceive her verbal arguments faltering, she was confident in her response: "And I would explain it to you, but I'm afraid I no longer trust you"

"You're stubborn as a mule," Dr. Weselton growled. "I know what you're doing to your sister behind closed doors, Elsa of Arendelle! You don't want licensed professionals to intervene because you know you're guilty!"

Elsa regarded this pathetic little man for a moment. He was wrong. He was wrong with every word he uttered and he'd always, always been. And he'd looked scary back then, when she was a child, and his word was law. He'd seemed scary when he held her future in his hands and threatened to take her sister away from her. But in reality, he was a small, sad old man clinging to his failing career. And Elsa no longer feared him.

"Had you told me this a year ago, I would have undeniably believed you," she said. "But in the last months, I've rekindled my sisterhood with Anna against your and my parent's advice. The improvement in our mental health has nothing to do with my feelings for her. She's my sister before she's anything else to me. I've never laid a hand on her and I never will. I am not guilty of anything" Not. Guilty. "And I believe you're the one making baseless accusations"

"I'm looking after a child's safety"

"So am I," Elsa countered. "And right now, Anna's safest option is with me . I was a fool to think sending her away from her last remaining family member would be beneficial to her"

"A family member who wants to fondle her in her sleep, nothing less!"

"I do not want to fondle her in her sleep," Elsa replied with a frown. "One would think you'd already know me well enough to understand Anna's wellbeing is my priority."

Her therapist opened his mouth to counterattack, but Elsa was already standing up. She'd spent her entire life fretting over Anna's wellbeing and after years of this mental torture, she'd finally been brave enough to understand what she truly needed. What both of them needed, and what both of them deserved.

Yes, years. All those years, and for what? What happiness did it bring them? How was their pain safer or healthier than their love?

The little man before her was shaking with barely repressed rage, fists white from how tightly he was clenching them over his old, dry wooden desk. The familiar expression in his eyes was none other than disdain and contempt, one only at eighteen Elsa could understand were not there to help her.

She no longer feared him. She was not evil and neither was her heart.

(you are free, elsa)

"They're good feelings, too."

"Because it's not something we should be ashamed of, right? It's not something you should be ashamed of"

She couldn't be what her parents wanted for her. She wasn't perfect. She wasn't even a good sister. But she could still keep her safe.

I am free.

She straightened her back and said:

"But that doesn't matter anymore. I've come here to offer you a deal"

Dr. Weselton's tiny eyes squinted behind his dirty glasses.

"Are you trying to blackmail me?" He snarled. "You are even more wicked that I thought"

Elsa's eye twitched.

"I simply ask for your silence in exchange for mine," she explained. "Both my sister and I would be greatly thankful if you could avoid interfering in our home life, and I'd like to forgive all your infractions against me as a way of thanking you"

"Will you report me to the Community Council?" Dr. Weselton scoffed.

"In all honesty, that wasn't in my plans," Elsa clarified. Her tone of voice softened. "You can rest assured my sister is safe. I appreciate your concern, but I'm afraid you misunderstand us." She dug her hand inside her purse, fished out the appropriate amount of kroner , and then placed a series of perfectly clean and smooth bills on her old psychologist's desk. "I shall get going. It's getting late. Anna should be arriving home soon, and I'd like to be there when she does"

She strode towards the door and placed her hand on the doorknob, only turning around once to take a look at her old therapist.

"Would that be acceptable?" She asked.

He said not a word, and reluctantly took the bills into his wrinkly hands.

Elsa didn't say goodbye as she closed the door behind her. She put her boots back on and abandoned the clinic as quickly as possible, suddenly aware of how thick and heavy the air inside was. Once the cold, icy wind of winter filled her lungs, she began to feel like a human being again.

She covered her mouth with her hand. Dug her fingers in her hair and completely ruined her bun. She pulled at the pins holding it together and let her white hair cascade down her shoulders like an old, bunched-up curtain, painfully wavy from the tightness it had been subjected to. Elsa pulled it away from her face with trembling hands.

Her legs were weak and they struggled to carry her forward as her rigid ankles threatened to buckle under her weight. She reached her snowmobile soon, as it waited for her in the parking lot, taking a seat and taking a moment, to breathe and think, let the panic and relief catch up with her at the same time like a tidal wave brutally waking her up.

She'd... well, she'd done that , it seemed. And she survived. She succeeded .

Anna. Yes, she needed to speak to Anna.

She drove through the town avoiding reindeer and passer-by's to the best of her ability despite the frost forming under the tight grip of her fingers around the handles. That was it. Her psychologist wouldn't threaten them anymore. Filing a complaint against him at the Community Council could ruin his whole career, or at least leave him unable to practice in the archipelago, where it was impossible to survive without a stable job. He would need to seek opportunities in the mainland, and then this tiny town would be their refuge again. What was left of her family would be safe and sound. He would keep his part of the deal if he knew what was best for his wife.

Elsa tried to let her anger and pain and pride smother her guilt, but the growing hollowness in her stomach and the quickening of her heartbeats only proved she wasn't as cold-hearted as she once tried to be. She came to a halt under a streetlight as a small family of small reindeer crossed the street before her. The fingers of her left hand tapped anxiously the handles of the snowmobile.

Yes. For his wife. He would keep quiet, even though she had nothing to do with the whole affair and didn't deserve to be caught in the crossfire. Weselton would accept being blackmailed, surely, wouldn't he?

She felt sick in the stomach. By the time she reached home, the ground around her was freezing. Had it not been already covered in snow, she would have drawn more than a few eyes.

Would he comply with her conditions? Or would he strike back? He was her psychologist, and his word must be of weight. One call was all it would take for the Community Council and the Child Welfare Services to come knocking on her door and take Anna away, and Elsa couldn't fail her. She refused to fail her sister again. And then whatever claims of therapy malpractice would be useless.

They were back at square one.

She fumbled with her keys. Dropped them. Froze them. She let her forehead painfully fall against the door as she struggled to open it, and finally stumbled inside. She nearly tripped over her own feet as she kicked off her boots.

The house was cold, dark, and silent. Anna must have left school a few minutes earlier but she hadn't arrived home yet, and all Elsa could do was to replay her conversation with her psychologist in her head, overanalyzing every word she remembered and trying to find clues regarding his following actions.

She'd been an idiot. Of course he would strike first. He must be driving home at that exact moment, ready to make a call once he felt safe enough.

Elsa found her own phone in her purse and a deep sense of frustrated resignation mixed with shame invaded her. Oh, she hadn't lied when she said she didn't plan to fulfill her threats.

But Dr. Weselton had a peculiar temperament. It wouldn't be too difficult to discredit his counterattacks and accusations of incest with claims of therapy malpractice and breaches of patient confidentiality. You couldn't trust a word that came out of his weasel mouth. He was a liar who would happily sell his patients for personal gain. Who would take his allegations seriously when Kai Andersen regularly visited the sister's household, and Anna, the only possible victim, was the one the most dedicated to keeping the secret?

She took a deep breath, closed her eyes, opened them, and typed a number on her phone.

---

Alright. Anna was not taking advantage of Elsa's poorly calibrated cold-barometer ever again. Or whatever it was called. "Don't worry, Elsa, it's not that cold" was a big fat lie , but how could Elsa tell when she could happily make snow angels while wearing one of her beautiful off-shoulder tops? Maybe freezing her ass was her punishment for repeatedly lying to her and insisting —15 degrees Celcius was a perfectly comfortable temperature for your average human being. She needn't worry about her little sister being a complete idiot. She was fine.

Anyway, Anna couldn't wait to snuggle in her bed with a nice guksi of hot chocolate. Though she'd much rather prefer to drink her chocolate before going to bed. She couldn't just spill chocolate all over her sheets. Ew. So she'd get some chocolate, make herself a blanket cocoon, maybe watch a movie on her phone, and then maybe, just maybe, she would take a quick nap before dinner. Lunch be damned. She could skip that part and go straight for the dessert.

Though as she shed her coat and heavy mountain boots, she couldn't help but notice how chilly the house was. She walked over to the nearest heater and let her hand hover over the metal to, effectively, corroborate the heating still worked. Elsa's purse lay sideways on the table, its contents spilling haphazardly over the wooden surface.

Anna's brows furrowed. She raised her head and stood very still, listening carefully for her sister.

"Yes," said her soft voice in Norwegian as Anna quietly tiptoed down the hallway. "Yes. It's Elsa of Arendelle"

Anna shivered as she approached the half-closed door. She pulled her jacket closer to her body.

"Good evening. Yes." A long instant of silence followed. Anna raised her fist to knock on the door, but a pang of guilt stopped her. She'd been unfair to Elsa and she'd loathe to bother her. She wouldn't intervene.

"Yes. I would like to file a complaint against my psychologist for malpractice. Who should I talk to?"

Anna took a quick look and found her big sister slowly pacing around in her room, holding her phone between her ear and her shoulder and locking the windows, closing the curtains, and getting rid of every bracelet and earring on her person.

"I understand," she murmured, and then she turned around and came face to face with Anna, who furiously blushed as soon as those glacial, regal eyes were cast upon her small and pitiful frame.

But Elsa's expression softened, and she opened the door to welcome her little sister into her room in the way only she could do. Anna eyed her for a moment and genuinely considered making up an excuse to march off to her room, as the pull of her heartstrings grew more painful, but she had the impression she and her sister would need each other. So she slipped inside but did not close the door behind her, simply standing in the doorway and shifting her weight from one leg to the other as Elsa continued to pace around her bedroom and tap her foot against the carpet.

"Isn't it possible to contact someone today?" She asked, and the temperature plummeted heavily, as if it'd missed a step walking down the stairs. Anna didn't complain but Elsa seemed to notice, because she glanced at her before turning back towards the closed curtains. After a moment, the cold reluctantly receded. "I see. Would I be able to visit tomorrow?"

Her shoulders were tense as she switched the phone from one ear to the other and placed both hands on her vanity desk. Anna didn't dare to come any closer and waited instead for her sister to move.

"Yes. Yes, please. Thank you," she finally said. She exhaled painfully and carefully left her phone on the desk. After three heavy breaths, she said: "Welcome back, Anna"

"Um… hi," Anna clumsily said. Elsa's tired shoulders didn't shake but they looked like they were on the verge of collapse, and a sudden rush of both worry and adoration washed over her. She was dying to hear about her visit to the Weasel, but first, she needed to be there for her sister. And she knew it was unfair and hypocritical of her— which was why she tried to hold back, but her heart was invaded by an impulse to hold her as tight as possible.

So she did. Uh— because Elsa said she enjoyed it, didn't she? So it probably wouldn't bother her. In fact, it might make her feel better. She did look terribly exhausted. Anna just… slipped a pair of soft, trembling arms to loosely wrap around her big sister's waist from behind, and fought back her flinching as she pressed her chest to her back. She would say Elsa's body was literally an ice cube, if she weren't, well, dry, soft, and very much not slippery or cube-shaped. Still, Anna was glad they had five layers of clothes between them, or else she'd be getting a cold.

"Anna? What are you doing?" Elsa asked. Her body was tense and untrusting, and it broke Anna's heart with guilt and love.

"I'm hugging you," she replied simply, and waited for Elsa to tell her to stop, to go away, because if she did it would be so much easier to make her decision and fall back into her old technique.

Her relationship with her sister was complicated, and she wanted to be brave enough to fix it.

Honestly, she didn't do it for Elsa alone but also for herself, to seek and provide comfort in her sister's soft body against hers. And, in part, to ask for forgiveness, although she wasn't sure which of the two she was apologizing to. Her heart fluttered and her face heated up as she rested her cheek against Elsa's shoulder. She was glad her sister couldn't see her.

The tension of the body in her arms slowly dissipated. She perceived Elsa raising a hand, perhaps to place it on top of Anna's, over her stomach, but she let it fall back on the desk.

"I promised I wouldn't say anything if he didn't," Elsa's weak voice explained. "I— I wasn't lying then. He has a sick wife. We knew that already"

Anna's heart slowly sank. She hesitantly tightened her grip around her sister's waist and quietly listened.

"I broke my promise. I did lie to him in the end"

"You didn't do it out of malice," Anna argued, even though she didn't know what Elsa's thought process had been. Still, to her eyes, Elsa was an angel, and she had faith she'd only ever had the most selfless intentions in mind. Even now, she was worrying over the wellbeing of a man that spent years bringing her nothing but pain.

"He could lose his job. His wife doesn't deserve to get caught in all of this," Elsa insisted.

"None of us did," Anna countered. Truth be told, she was beginning to feel a bit bad for the Weasel's wife, but she couldn't let Elsa see that. Her sister needed comfort, so she sighed and pressed her body closer to Elsa's, for once reveling in the closeness. "You're not bad , Elsa. I know you did it to keep us safe"

Elsa stood still and quiet. One of her hands drifted to graze Anna's clothed wrist, just softly rubbing her thumb over the fabric, and Elsa could be an ice cube as much as she wanted but she was making Anna feel warm all over regardless.

Slowly, very slowly, she turned around in her arms, and Anna slackened her grip but when she didn't let go, not fully, which Elsa seemed to take as a sign to hug her back, just... gently placing her own arms around her shoulders and pulling her closer. Anna sighed and burrowed in the soft fabric of Elsa's jacket. Her body didn't feel nearly as cold as it did before, and the grip around her wasn't tight or trapping but as safe and tender as a caress. Anna closed her eyes and buried her face in her shoulder, mentally cursing her heart for not letting herself enjoy such a loving and wonderful feeling. She wondered if there had ever been a person who loved her more than her big sister.

"You make me feel things too, Anna"

Oh. Oh, wow. The idea that Anna could make her feel such things was... it was kind of incredible. She was nothing special yet Elsa saw something in her, regardless of the shape her love took. She saw something worth facing that... that man .

Yes, her sister shouldn't have to be this strong, but she must still be the strongest person she knew.

"It'll be okay, Elsa," she whispered into her shoulder. Elsa didn't say a word, but Anna could tell from the rise in temperature that whatever she was doing was helping. Oh, her sister's embrace felt heavenly. Anna had been a fool for thinking distance would make either of them happier. She wished she could stay there forever and…

Accept it? Make peace with it?

No, no. Not yet. I'm not ready.

No, why not? Was it because the shame had been easier to deal with when she could convince herself it was temporary? Was it, perhaps, simply because she was a child, and there was something inherently terrifying about being attracted to your own sister?

Her heart pounded rapidly and Anna tried her best to just let it.

No, she couldn't be happy about her feelings just yet, but burrowed in her sister's gentle arms, Anna found that part of her heart truly wanted to.

---

Oof long chapter is long. I want to thank every reader that waited for me :D But here it is! Angst. A moment of silence for our girl Anna, who doesn't know what mozzarella cheese is :(

also i swear i'm not anti-therapy i swear i love therapy i'm from argentine and argentines love therapy. everyone is either studying psychology or has five friends who are studying psychology.

Also! chapter title comes from the song "Easier" by The Crane Wives. Beautiful song. 10/10 would recommend. Now moving onto the reviews:

Guest 1 said: Dear Ara, I just wish you allowed Yelena and her family back in Finn-mark to win the full custody of Anna solely instead because I don't like Agnarr and Iduna forcefully naming Elsa her (Anna's) legal guardian at all. I don't like parents who forcefully named their elder/eldest children legal guardians. Why do parents forcefully named their elder/eldest children legally guardians? How come you can't allow Yelena and her family back in Finn-mark to win the full custody of Anna solely, huh? Please answer my question.

Response: Hello! Hope this chapter cleared some of your doubts. I don't like parents who force one of their kids to take care of the other. I don't think this is the case, exactly, as Agnarr and Iduna intended to leave for a short period of time and they named Elsa Anna's temporary guardian to make things easier for them. They made a lot of mistakes but idk if this is one of them. And, well, things spiraled out of control. They fucked up by dying. It's not a good situation and it's not supposed to be good. It's supposed to be a big fat problem. Also, if you could please not send me the same message a million times, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Guest 2 said: Do you really like the drama or you're just saying that to spite those who can't stand the drama.

Response: honestly dude idk if you're the same Guest as all the other ones I have in my review box thingy but i'm starting to be annoyed by these comments. Look, I'm a drama slut. I do like drama. I don't think I'm being unecessarially dramatic here. In fact, I worry I might be downplaying some of the most dramatic aspects of the situation these two characters are facing, considering they're two orphans alone in the arctic and they're sisters in love. That IS going to be a dramatic situation. Especially if it's a fic of ANGST: The Musical (also known as the Frozen franchise). If you can't stand angst or drama, just, don't read it. Thank you.

aa1aaa said: No vacation comes before a disaster...meaning that good luck on your finals (if you are a student). I am looking forward for your new fiction btw. Also, I checked "arctic" by sleeping at last and thanks for this beautiful song as well as your new chapter. I guess next chapter will be named as easier (source:tumblr). I tried hard but i cant guess how it will continue looking only at titles -.- anyways we will see in a week(?) I hope I can wait till then

Response: Thanks! Actually finals are indifinitely postponed until the Uni authorizes irl exams which means we're all screwed :P But that only means more free time for me! Honestly with everything I have on my plate irl I'm glad I don't need to deal with exams as well, at least not right now. Sorry it took me so long to update btw. Again, life has me busy. Nothing bad is happening, but it's still a lot. But here we are! Long chapter and all :D. I too am looking forward to the days I have time to write two fanfics at once TT_TT soon, hopefully, soon. Thank you for your support, patience and kind comments! You're super nice uwu.

RockLovert said: Me gustó el sentimiento que transmitirse con Elsa en este capítulo, se siente como si se sacara un peso de encima después de esa charla con Anna, lo que hizo, obviamente, pero lo que digo es que lo transmitiste muy bien sin la necesidad de expresarlo explícitamente.

Siempre estoy en conflicto con el personaje de Kristoff en algunos fics, pero te diría que en el tuyo ya casi que me cae bien, el pibe parece bueno, de esos que ya no se ven en ningún lado jajaja
Tenés razón con lo que me contestaste al final del capítulo, a veces me olvido de la magnitud del trauma que lleva el personaje de Elsa encima, son muchísimas cicatrices que marcan su andar actual, por eso también entiendo su gran emoción al poder comer con Anna y su angustia cuando al final sintió el rechazo... Creo que hay mucho para jugar ahí, es cierto que cuando uno necesita amor desesperadamente cualquier NO se siente como un rechazo enorme. Me gusta como abordas esos pequeños detalles, los haces sentir sin necesidad de expresarlos (como también te decía al principio), es muy grato encontrar relatos que te hagan sentir los sentimientos (por más redundante que suene) y no que solo te los describan frivolamente (porque está bien, las cosas se entienden si uno describe los sentimientos, pero creo que hay mucha magia en describirlos a través de las acciones, porque esa es la esencia de la vida misma, somos seres que reaccionamos a lo que sentimos y pocas veces (por no decir ninguna) nos ponemos a explicar que nos pasa)
Y claro, no está demás reiterarte mi odio hacia Hans, pero eso ya lo sabes jajaja qué alegría que vayas a actualizar más ahora que llegan las vacaciones, todos estamos felices por eso, seguramente hasta los bots! ＼(o)／

Response: ay blda siempre mandás reviews larguísimas me muero TT_TT no sabés lo felíz que soy cada vez que las leo. corte. aaaaaaaaaaaa.

jsj pero ayyyy muchas gracias. La verdad no se que decir. Ay. Me emociona mucho leer esto y escucharte decir que estoy haciendo las cosas bien. No es que te quiera meter presión para que me sigas alentando pero la verdad ayuda muchísimo escuchar (leer) comentarios así. Tipo, una vez leí en pinterest (JJSJJS) una cita del autor de Narnia o de Alicia en el País de las Maravillas, no sé porque siempre se me confunden los nombres de esos don. Un tal Lewis. Y bueno el tipo decía no? Que si los le mandás al lector un "Fulano estaba triste" es como suplicarle al lector que haga tu trabajo por vos. tipo NO. VOS LO TENES QUE PONER TRISTE. El lector no se tiene que poner triste solo. Y bueno no te voy a decir que soy el autor de Narnia JAJS pero tipo estoy tratando de tirar por esa onda no? Me alegra saber que más o menos lo estoy consiguiendo :D

ay chabona muchas gracias tus comentarios son muy dulces TT_TT te mando mi amor verbalmente porque el fanficción punto net no me deja mandar corazoncitos

alright fellas I think that was all for this morning (it's currently two and a half in the morning where I live). Hope you guys liked this new chapter! I'll try to update soon! Love you all!