CHAPTER 11
In life, there are a lot of big romantic moments, and they make life worth living. But here's the problem… moments pass, and lurking just around the corner from those moments is a cruel, unshaven bastard named reality. And so, on the night of Claudia and Stuart's wedding, reality was the enemy. He was sitting alone next to Puck, who was hitting on numerous bridesmaids. That wasn't how Finn had thought the night would turn out. This was finally supposed to be his big moment with Santana, but then reality came along. Santana got called up last-minute to anchor the 11 o'clock news. It was her big break so Finn went to the wedding stag. Then, when he least expected it… Rachel.
The next morning…
"Hey, where the hell did you disappear to last night?" Quinn asked as Finn emerged from his bedroom and collapsed on the couch.
"I had the most amazing night ever!" Finn exclaimed.
"Tell me about it. That cake! Best cake I ever had." Sam remarked. "Seriously! My stomach was like 'Hey, bro, I don't know what you're eating cause I don't have any eyes but it's basically awesome, so keep sending it down Gullet Alley!'"
Quinn nodded in agreement.
"Yeah, I know, right! My stomach was like 'Girlfriend, we don't always get along, but that cake…" Quinn started.
"Quinn?" Finn asked.
"Oh, right! Most amazing night ever! What happened?" Quinn asked.
The night before…
"You know, I should tell you, I have a rule." Rachel said as Finn chatted with her. "I never hook up at weddings." "I'm guessing you haven't always had this rule." Finn remarked.
"Well, here's the thing, those big romantic moments, they're great when they happen but they're not real." She explained. Finn nodded.
"Exactly, exactly… like when I saw you doing the chicken dance out there just now, I'm not gonna lie to you, big-time thunderbolt." Rachel giggled.
"Mm. You should see me tap-dance." She said. "You'd be down on bended knee."
"Sadly not out of character." Finn laughed. "But I know now it's just a mirage." "Wedding goggles!" She exclaimed. "Exactly. And that, in a nutshell, is why I'm not putting the moves on you." Finn responded.
"This isn't the moves?" She asked, raising an eyebrow. Finn laughed.
"What, you… you think this is the moves? Believe me, you'd know the moves. People ten tables away would know the moves." Rachel groaned playfully. "Oh, that's too bad." She remarked.
"Tell me about it." Finn responded.
"You know, I think I have a solution." She said.
"Interested." Finn smiled.
"And to preface this, we're not gonna sleep together tonight." She started.
"Less interested." Finn joked. She giggled. "No, go ahead."
"So, the thing that always screws it up is the next day. Right? So… why don't we just cut that part out?" She suggested. "What are you saying?" Finn asked, confused. "I'm saying, I'm here; you're here; this is a big romantic wedding. Why don't we just dance and have a great time and then when it's over, never see each other again." Finn nodded.
"Unless…" "No. No unless." She laughed. "No emails, no phone numbers, not even names. Tonight, we will make a memory that will never be tarnished. And then… when we're old and gray, we'll look back on this night and it'll be perfect."
Finn grinned. "Okay, I'm in. I guess, um… we'll need fake names, huh?" He asked. Rachel nodded. "Um… you can call me Buttercup." She replied.
"Pleased to meet you, Buttercup. I'm… Steve Rogers." He said. She laughed. "Wow, this is kind of exciting. Our names will be forever shrouded…" "FINN! FINN! FINN!" Puck shouted a moment later, tapping Finn on the shoulder. Finn sighed and turned around. "Finn, look! I got a bridesmaid! The second hottest bridesmaid! Finn, look! See ya, Finn!"
With that, Puck walked away. Finn rolled his eyes and turned to face 'Buttercup.' "So, I'm Finn." He said. "Rachel." She giggled. "But no last names." "No last names!"
Back to the present…
Sam and Quinn groaned.
"Oh, what is wrong with you?!" Quinn exclaimed.
"Yeah, dude, that is just a weenie-ass idea." Sam stated.
"No, it was awesome: I had a great night, I'm never gonna see her again, and there's no way to ruin it."
"Finn, how do I explain this to you?" Sam wondered aloud. "Last night, I ate the best cake of my life. Now, you think I'm gonna let that cake out of my life? Hello, no. I'm gonna find out what bakery made that cake, and then I'm gonna get some more cake!"
"That cake really got to you, huh?" Finn laughed.
"It haunts me." Sam replied.
"So what happened next?" Quinn asked.
The previous night…
"Okay. Ground rules have been established. Now let's see some of these moves I've heard so much about." She said. Finn smiled and stood up. He snuck over to the bar and stood a bottle of champagne and two glasses, took her hand, and they hurried out of the ballroom.
"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Let's do all the single ladies in this joint a big favor and steal the bouquet!" She exclaimed, grabbing the bouquet and hurrying out the room alongside him.
Back to the present…
"So that's what happened to the bouquet!" Quinn exclaimed. "You know, good for Rachel. It's such an evil tradition."
"You're not gonna do it at your wedding?" Finn asked.
"Hell yeah, I am. I'm gonna take that flower grenade and chuck it into the crowd and scream CRAWL FOR IT, BITCHES!"
Finn chuckled.
"It's just what girls do." Quinn said.
"So, where'd you guys go?" Sam asked.
The night before…
Finn and Rachel were in an abandoned music room. Finn was playing an old-time rag on the piano and Rachel was tap dancing - pretty horrendously - to his playing. Once he finished playing and she sat next to him, he smiled.
"Very nice." He remarked. "Yeah? Okay, I don't really know how to tap-dance." She admitted. "I couldn't tell." He replied, laughing. "Well, it's too bad you're not gonna get some tonight." He commented.
"Oh, if I wanted some, I could get some." She giggled.
"No, you couldn't."
"You're a dude. I could get some." "You could totally get some." Finn chuckled. The two of them leaned in to kiss but Rachel pulled away at the last second.
"We're not gonna kiss tonight." She murmured. Finn banged a dissonant chord on the piano. "If-if we kiss, all of this becomes real. You might use too much tongue. I might not use enough. And then suddenly, poof, the spell's broken." "I will use exactly the right amount of tongue." Finn promised. Rachel rolled her eyes and laughed.
"Okay, how about this? The best part of any first kiss is the lead-up to it. The moment right before the lips touch. It's like a big drumroll. So… how about tonight, we just stick with the drumroll?" "Okay." "But we can't kiss." She reminded him.
"Okay." Finn laughed. The two of them leaned in…
Back to the present day…
"A drumroll? That's it?!" Sam exclaimed. "So, what, you said good night, came home, and… performed a drum solo?" He smirked. Finn laughed.
"Oh, Finn, you're such a doof! I mean, this girl sounds amazing!"
"She was completely amazing! She was amazing and funny and we connected on every level, and I'm never gonna see her again. Damn it, I have to see her again!"
"Yes!" Sam and Quinn exclaimed, simultaneously.
"So let's get to work, man. What else do you know about her?" Sam asked.
"Nothing. Her name's Rachel. That's all I got. Wait, Claudia, Claudia would know!" Finn declared.
"Well, Claudia's on her honeymoon. She'll be back in two weeks. Call her then." Quinn said. Finn nodded.
"Yes, two weeks. Good idea." Finn said. He stood there awkwardly for a moment before taking out his phone. "I'm calling her now."
"No, Finn, you don't mess with a honeymoon." Quinn warned him.
"Yeah, come on, dude." Sam agreed. "Ask her about the cake." He whispered. Finn rolled his eyes and Claudia answered the call moments later.
"Finn?" She answered, confused.
"Hey, Claudia! Great wedding, beautiful toast, touching stuff. How's the honeymoon? Listen, I'm calling because last night, I met this girl and I was wondering if you had…"
"Oh, you have got to be freaking kidding me!" Claudia shouted. "24 hours ago, you were begging… begging me to bring some other girl to my wedding, and now, what, you're over her?"
"I've moved on?" Finn mumbled. Claudia sighed.
"What was her name? Is it my fat cousin Lindsay? Don't be embarrassed. She has pretty eyes."
"Uh, no. Her name was Rachel. I don't know her last name."
"Well, lucky for you, I know that guest list backwards and forwards."
Finn let out a sigh of relief.
"Thank God." He murmured.
"Unlucky for you, there was no Rachel at my wedding. Good-bye, Finn."
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
"There was no Rachel at the wedding." Finn mumbled.
"Maybe she used a second fake name. Oh, she's good. She's very good!" Quinn exclaimed.
"Maybe she was a ghost." Sam suggested. "That's why she didn't want to kiss you… because you'd just pass right through her and feel really cold for a second. Oh my god, I just had a great idea for a screenplay!"
"Sam, she was not a ghost!" Finn snapped.
"I know that she wasn't a ghost. She picked up a bouquet, proving she had corporeal form." He murmured.
"Wait-wait! She was sitting across from a couple of bridesmaids. She must've been at their table. Maybe they know who she was." Finn remarked.
"Great. So how do we get in touch with the bridesmaids?" Quinn asked. Finn smirked and took out his phone, dialling a number. Puck answered moments later. He was getting a massage.
"This better be good. I am about to enter Nirvana. By the way, I should get you Nirvana's phone number. She gives a great massage. Say what?!"
"Listen, Puck, I saw you talking to that bridesmaid last night. Did you happen to get her phone number?"
"You know I did."
"Great. Um… I'm gonna need you to call her for me."
"You know I won't."
"Why not?"
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"We just hooked up last night!" Puck exclaimed as they sat in the bar later that day. "I can't call the girl the next day! I have to wait at least, like… forever! Oh, snap! Never gonna call her. Besides, she thinks I'm on my way to India."
"Oh, come on, Puck. It's for a good cause." Quinn said.
"Uh, Finn going all castrati over yet another girl is exactly not a good cause. Sorry, buddy, I wish I could help you. My hands are tied. Oh, no, wait. That was last night. High five!"
"Okay, Puck, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. You make this call and I will go with you… to Foxy Boxing."
Puck gasped.
"Really? But you always said the Foxy Boxing girls were neither foxy nor good at boxing."
"I'm ready to be proven wrong." Finn shrugged. "You gotta make the call though."
Puck whipped out his phone and dialled the girl's number.
"Yeah, Tanya, turns out I don't leave for the Peace Corps till tomorrow. Yeah, I know. It sucks. Just one fewer day I get to help people. Anyway, this girl… any idea who she was? What kind of shoes was sh… No, Tanya, he's a dude. He's not going to know what kind of shoes she was wearing."
"Actually…" Finn murmured. Puck scowled at him.
"Oh, come on!" Puck groaned. Finn told him the answer and Puck sighed.
"Apparently she was wearing brown shoes… with little snowflakes on them." He relayed to Tanya. "Yeah, they do sound cute. Any idea who…? Okay. Well, thanks anyway. Yeah, you take ca… What's that? Tonight? Well, I'm shipping out pretty early so I won't be able to stay over but yeah, I'd love to. Okay, I'll talk to you later."
Puck then hung up the phone and turned to Finn.
"Sorry, Finn, I won't be able to make Foxy Boxing tonight." He said.
"Totally okay." Finn replied.
"Okay, uh, let's not lose hope. We'll call the hotel. Maybe she was staying there. We'll have them check the registry for anyone named Rachel." Quinn said. "Or maybe she goes by Vicky or Tori…"
"Or Ictor." Sam added. Everyone looked at him, eyebrows raised. "She probably doesn't go by Ictor." Sam admitted.
"No, you know what? This is fate. I am never supposed to see this girl again. That was the whole point of last night. I've just been saved by myself. Let's drink many beers!"
"Agreed!" Sam exclaimed.
And Finn thought that was the end of it. But then, the next day…
Quinn was sitting in the apartment when there was a knock on the door. She answered it and saw Santana standing there.
"Hey! There's the anchor lady!" She exclaimed. "How was it?"
"Oh, I don't know. Why don't you ask the new substitute weekend anchor? Santana? Thanks, Santana! It was awesome. Back to you, Santana!"
"Congrats! That's so cool!" Quinn hugged her friend.
"Yeah, I felt really bad bailing on Finn, though."
"Oh, don't even worry about it. In fact…"
And then Quinn told her the whole story, right down to the brown shoes with the little snowflakes on them. And by the end of it…
Santana's eyes widened and her heart pounded. Quinn noticed
"What?" Quinn asked. "What's wrong?"
"I know who that girl is…"