I walked down the stairs and sat in the café. It was empty and quiet and somehow it also felt confronting. It made me feel alone. I sat down on a chair and leaned in my hands which were almost completely covered because I was wearing a sweater that was Shirogane's. I was wearing a pair of jeans of Ichigo and socks and shoes of Mint. Mint had told me to be very careful with them, did he really thing I would damage them?

I sighed.

I heard chatter come from the back but didn't pay too much attention to it.

I was moping and feeling extremely confused by it all. I wanted to tell Shirogane about the memories that had returned to me but Zakuro had brought me the clothes and I hadn't seen Shirogane after what had happened. I pulled up the collar of the turtleneck up to my nose. It smelled of him.

"Oh boy."

I lay down at the table, spreading my arms out.

"Mitsuki-chan?"

I looked up and saw the girls. I sat straight up, shocked.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Just for a few minutes, are you okay?"

I relaxed. "Yeah, kinda."

"You all, take a laptop and sit down."

Shirogane put a laptop in front of me and ruffled my hair.

They all sat down around the table I was sitting.

"Mitsuki is still here." Zakuro said.

"She knows about the project." Shirogane replied.

Shirogane and Akasaka-san started to explain some facts about the current chimera animals and the pattern of attacks that had been happening. He then showed about what he thought would be the new attack of their enemy. He then showed the area he expected the following attacks to be. One of them was a place I recognized, I was stunned.

"Does anyone have questions?"

One by one they started asking questions. I looked at Shirogane.

"I'll explain more later, okay?"

I nodded.

After everyone had asked their questions they started cleaning up.

"Mitsuki? Come with me."

"Okay."

I followed Shirogane upstairs to his room. He sat down and hinted to me to sit down next to him.

He shortly explained about mew project and what they had been doing up until now.

Shirogane suddenly laid his head on my lap.

"Huh?"

He closed his eyes.

"Are you that tired?"

"Yes, I don't think I should drive you back home right now. Let me be like this for a little bit."

"Okay."

After a few minutes I could see he had actually fallen asleep. My heart was beating so fast.

For some time I just looked at him. He looked really peaceful sleeping like this. Us being like this reminded me of when we were kids and he would sleep next to me whenever I slept over at his place. Or when we would build a fort of pillows and blankets in the living room and we would fall asleep underneath it. It also reminded me of Christmas, how he slept by my side while I was feeling upset.

I reached out to his face and moved some strands of his hair to the side.

He was almost always by my side lately that I forgot he had so much to do already. This man must be running all over the place. It made me kinda sad, knowing he had been doing this all and was probably shouldering a lot of burdens by himself. If only I could take some of his load and help him carry it. I was probably burdening him as well and it made me feel bad.

He suddenly grabbed my hand. He opened his eyes and looked up at me.

"What are you doing?"

"Your hair was poking in your eyes, I just moved it aside. Your hair has gotten quite long."

He let go of my hand and reached and took a strand of my hair in his hand.

"You say that but your hair had gotten extremely long too."

"Tell me about it. It has gotten so heavy."

"Is that why you wear it up so much?"

I had been putting my hair in buns, braids or in ponytails the past few weeks.

"Yes, that is exactly why I have it up."

He could see he was about to get up.

"You can stay like that a bit longer if you want."

"Aren't your legs starting to fall asleep?"

"No, I am fine. And I am not just saying it to please you."

He grinned and then closed his eyes again. I thought he had fallen asleep again but he suddenly spoke.

"Why are you like this?"

"Huh?"

"Your voice is calm but I can see on your face so much is going through your head."

"Why do you notice such things?"

"Why?" He opened his eyes and looked at me. "Because I care and not because it is my job to care for you."

Should I tell him? I decided that this was a good moment.

"I remember."

"Remember what?"

"Us. How we were when we were little and what life was like back then."

He looked surprised at me. He got up.

"Since when?"

"Christmas Eve."

"So you drank…"

I quickly shook my hands. "Not because of that!"

He had this look on his face, worried but also like he was about to tease me.

"I did that because I felt like I was no longer in control of the things happening around me."

"Alcohol isn't the right option in moments like that."

"I know. I should've known better then too, in the Netherlands the minimum age of alcohol is 18, I actually have been drinking before."

"So you know you can't handle it."

"Yeah… I do know that."

He laughed.

"Why didn't you tell me though? That you knew me already?"

"Would it have made you feel any better?"

"I don't know."

"I don't think it would have helped. This way you could get used to me and get to know me without feeling pressure of the fact we already had been close. I didn't want you to feel you had do something you might not have felt up to."

He put his hand on my top of my head.

"Besides, you returned as someone else as the person you were a child. You have grown up in another country and had experiences I didn't know anything about. It felt more logical to get to know the person you were in an easygoing manner."

"Were?" I looked at him.

"Yes, you were. You have grown quite a bit over these past few months. You changed from a shy, insecure girl into a confident, open, funny and very vocal woman."

I was surprised. "Vocal?"

He grinned. "Yes vocal. You tell things like they are and probably don't think twice about what you are going to say either. And yet you are still a very big over-thinker."

"This is what I mean with you notice things about me."

He smiled and cupped my face. He then kissed my forehead. He looked me in the eyes and grinned.

"I like this color on your face."

"You tease!" I hit him on the chest.

He laughed loudly.

"You shouldn't make it this easy to tease you though."

"You are like this with Ichigo too." I pouted.

"I am only unguarded like this with you, Mitsuki." His face came very close to me. "And that's because it's you."

He distanced himself from me again.

I felt that my head bright red and turned away from him, not giving him the pleasure of seeing the look on my face. I just looked down at my hands and bit my lip.

Right then someone knocked on the door.

"Come in." Shirogane answered.

Lettuce looked around the corner. "Your phone has been going off, Shirogane-san."

He stood up and took his phone. "Thanks."

He looked at it and sighed. He looked at me. "Where did you leave your phone?"

"In my bag, it should be downstairs. It ran out of battery. Why?"

"Minato has called me over 10 times already."

I flinched. "What time is it right now?"

"Six thirty."

I think he realized what that meant at the same time as I did. I saw him look at his phone and then put it to his ear.

"Do you know what time it is?!"

I could hear my dad scream through the phone.

"I am aware, I am sorry. Mitsuki has been helping me."

"You two were too busy to check your phones?"

"Well yeah, and her battery died."

"Well if you have been so busy together then fix her dinner and then bring her home!"

He hung up the phone.

Shirogane sighed. "Jeez. No need to act like this."

"What would you have done if I were your daughter? I bet you would've been protective like that too."

He grinned. "Me a Dad?"

"I am just reminding you that he is just being a dad."

He grinned at me but I saw him think.

He held out his hand. "Come on, I'll take you to my place, fix you some dinner and then bring you home."

I took his hand. "Your place?"

"I do have a home to go to. What did you think?"

"I thought you lived somewhere in the middle of nowhere, secluded from all humanity."

I grinned.

"No, nice try." He shook his head but he was smiling, telling me he refused to tell me he found it funny.

"Whoa. So this is your house."

We stood in the hallway of a very modern and new two-story house.

"Ojama shimasu." (sorry for intruding)

"Just walk through that door. I am going to hang your clothes so they are dry when you are going home."

He had put my clothes in the wash machine back at the café but they were still wet when we left.

"Okay."

"The light switch is on your right."

I opened the door and turned on the light. He had a very clean, open space kitchen, living room and just off the kitchen there was a dinner table. It was very basic and clean, pretty much like I expected seeing how his room had been at the café. I walked into the kitchen and took the kettle, filled it and put it on the stove. Shirogane walked into the kitchen.

"You're already making yourself at home, huh? What do you want to eat?"

"You cook?"

He grinned. "I can actually cook, you know."

I looked at him and he flicked my forehead.

"Ouch." I out my hands on the place where he hit me.

"I have absolutely no clue."

"I'll just surprise you then. You go sit down." He pushed me out of the kitchen.

I sat down on his couch, took the television remote and turned on the television. The news jumped on the screen, showing the mews in action.

"So that's where they went." I mumbled to myself.

After dinner Shirogane told me to sit on the couch and wait until he was done cleaning in the kitchen.

I saw a blanket on the couch and took it. I wasn't aware I had dozed off until I felt someone touch my face.

"Mitsuki?"

"Hmm?" I opened my eyes.

"You shouldn't sleep on the couch. I have a spare room, you rest there, okay?"

I went upstairs and lay down.

I don't know for how long I had been sleeping when Shirogane woke me up again.

"Mitsuki?"

I opened my eyes slightly. Shirogane handed me a shirt.

"Put this on and then go back to sleep."

I nodded. He kissed me on the top of my head and then left the room.

I did what he told me and lay back again, hoping to continue my calm sleep.

Sadly I saw that vision again, the one where my heart was ripped to shreds.

We live in a world full of monsters. I am one of those who would be considered a monster.

I looked in the mirror and just felt a sense of despair. In this world where monsters would not be able take what they needed, they needed to receive it willingly or they took it forcefully, they always forced their way around.

In this world, where there was human society and a secret society.

I was raised in the human society but at birth already destined to become part of this secret society.

I nowadays lived among those who were my kind and though it felt right to live like this, there were still those who didn't agree with the way of living I felt was right. Those were the real monsters.

I wanted to end this world full of monsters but it seemed impossible. I tried to find ways to control them, or at least stop their horrible deeds, even for a moment.

I needed to put an end to the misery, I needed to protect the human race from these monsters.

If this meant I had to end my life I was willing to do this.

I just wished I didn't have to leave that man.

I pushed my blonde hair back and put my hood back on my head. I turned around and left the store I had been in and walked onto the busy road.

"Let's go." I got back onto my horse. "Kaname."

The day after we returned home, we were called into the office and both got scolded for how we handled the situation.

"You should know better Ryou, especially since you are the man in this situation. Are you aware the kind of look you give to others?"

"You know I do not look at Mitsuki in that manner."

"You don't, then did you consider not showing off in public like you are a couple? You caused rumors to go around the school of Daisuke, now they think Mitsuki hooked up with the babysitter right when she returned home."

"Again, I do not think of Mitsuki like that."

Right then I understood what was going on.

"Pardon me, Juri-sama requested for Mitsuki-sama to join her."

I quickly bowed and walked away without saying a word. I felt tears burn in my eyes.

I joined my mom in the living room and just pushed the door close and leaned against it.

"Ah, Mitsuki. I was wondering… What's the matter?"

"Eh?" Tears started streaming down my face. "Eh? Why, why don't the tears stop falling down?"

I let myself slide down the door onto the ground.

"Mitsuki, what's going on?"

I wasn't able to speak. Mom sat down in front of me and pulled me into a hug.

"Girls!"

Akasaka-san came running into the café after closing hours. I had actually stayed and was helping out.

"There has been an attack."

We stopped chatting and turned around to Akasaka-san.

"I've send the location to your phones, Ryou will meet you there."

They quickly dropped what they were doing, Zakuro looked at me.

"What are you going to do?" She asked me.

I replied with a smile. "I'll finish up cleaning. Please hurry, stay safe."

She nodded and followed the rest of the girls.

I looked at Akasaka-san.

"Come with me."

"Okay."

I followed him into the basement.

"Wow."

To think there was this place I had never been aware of. Akasaka-san sat down in front of the big screen and then showed me images of security cameras all around Tokyo. He skipped through them until he found the thing he had been looking for.

I flinched.

"That's…"

"That's the chimera animal."

"It has done… so much damage."

"There are ones like these."

It was hard to explain what I saw it was like a monster, a nightmare. I had never seen anything like this. I felt my heart break. I saw people injured, buildings damaged, people were screaming in fear.

"Akasaka-san, do you think it would do any good if I were to go there?"

He looked at me.

"Ryou has told me specifically to not let you go anywhere while this is still going on."

"I see…"

"I think it would be best for you to prepare."

"Prepare?"

"Yes. They might return injured and in need of medical help."

"Okay!"

I turned around and quickly went to prepare. I silently prayed to myself there would be no need for them to be all right. Moment like these made me so glad I had studied nursing and I knew how to handle these types of situations.

Once I had everything ready I had nothing to but to wait. I sat down and stared at my hands. Shirogane had been evading me for weeks now. I wasn't able to grasp the reason why he was being like this. It felt like the gap that had always been there, the distance I had tried to make smaller, had grown so much. He had been unreachable but within grasp, now he was miles away. Like I could've moved back to Europe, it felt the distance had grown that big.

When they returned they were injured but not to the point they had to go to the hospital.

I treated their wounds and

"Where is Shirogane?"

"I don't know." Akasaka-san replied.

"He is outside." Zakuro said.

"What is he doing there?"

"He said he wanted some time alone." Mint said nonchalant.

I turned on my heels and walked to the back door and went outside.

"What did you not understand about the words I want to be left alone?"

He sighed. "I should've known you wouldn't."

"Yes, you should have known."

We stood there in silence for some time.

"I saw, Akasaka-san showed me."

He didn't reply.

"It's not your fault."

"It is though."

"It is not."

He turned towards me, pissed off.

"Why? Why are you so sure? You barely know what's going on!"

I flinched from the harshness but I did not look away.

"That's because you can't control the actions of others, just your own. And you did everything in your power to help everyone. You didn't cause this and you did everything in your power to make sure the consequences weren't going to be escalated. You protected those people!"

He turned back to lean on the rails of the balustrade.

"Please leave me alone Mitsuki."

"I can't."

He gave me a look.

"I can't because I once made a promise to stay by your side, especially when you are like this."

He once again turned to look at me.

"Then I am going to ask you to break that promise."

"Do… do you really want me to stay away from you that much? Is that why you haven't spoken to me all this time?"

I couldn't look at him, as I know he would see the tears starting to build in my eyes. I was angry at him.

"Okay then."

I turned around and then quickly ran back to the café. I grabbed my back and walked outside. I knew I had left everyone stunned as I had just walked in and out without a word.

I had actually gotten my driver's license and my parents had allowed me to drive a car of my own. So once I was outside I walked to my car.

I drove home. Instead of walking inside I just sat in my car. I felt frustrated, sad, ignored, and angry but most of all lost. I didn't know how to fix this all, even though I wanted to fix it all so badly.

I just had to accept that in this case I wasn't able to fix everything. With this defeated feeling I let out the tears that I had been keeping in, my heart ached.