AN: Okay, let me just begin by apologizing for posting in the wrong place last time. I have not been in the right mindset for the past few weeks and things have been pretty insane. I am super excited to actually be writing again, even though it is really slow-going.
I wanted to get this out to you quickly, so I've only had one pre-reader look at my text. Noles and Melissa, I am sorry. Let me know if you see any major errors and I will make sure to include you for the future updates! CopperJ, thank you for being so quick to help me today.
Enjoy it, folks!
That Time I Recognized my Soulmate
Allowing my arm to drop heavily at my side, I feel the gentle thumps of my phone bouncing against the soft mattress a few times before it eventually stills. A wave of exhaustion encompasses my body as though I've just completed a marathon. In the back of my neck, I feel a headache begin to build that has nothing to do with the injury I sustained yesterday. Sighing, I close my eyes and do my best to relax and release the building stress, but unfortunately my body isn't interested in listening. I feel like I've been walking on egg-shells all day and even though I've finally made up my mind in regards to my confusing love life, there's a tension brewing inside of me that is begging for an outlet.
Speaking of said "love-life", I can't help but notice how my wolf's ears perk up, obviously trying to pin-point Paul's whereabouts. When we both hear the tell-tale sounds of the television, she immediately gets to her feet, urging me to search him out. Apparently, she doesn't agree with my decision to wait. Rolling my eyes at the "lovesick puppy" expression on her face and the excited wag of her tail, I release a small groan of frustration at how pathetic both she and I are being.
Instead of getting to my feet, I force my body to stay in place and press the palms of my hands over my eyes, trying to shut out the world for a few blissful moments. Inhaling deeply, I hold my breath for a few seconds before releasing it, expelling all the air from my lungs completely before I repeat the process. Nanna taught me this technique when I was very young. Swan blood had a tendency to run hot, and finding an outlet or a way to calm down, was an essential lesson for every member of the family. My most effective technique, however, had always been to spend time with animals.
I give my technique a few tries, but it doesn't take long for me to realize that the tension, frustration and sadness inside of me isn't diminishing as quickly as I need it to. Placing both hands on the soft mattress and I push myself into a seated position, trying to figure out what my options are. Slowly, but surely, a plan begins to form in my mind. It isn't perfect and knowing that I'll have to convince Paul doesn't exactly make me jump for joy, but the urgency inside of me to find an outlet is quickly becoming unbearable. Biting my teeth together, I get to my feet and with determined strides, I seek out my newly appointed warden.
Following the noise of the blaring television, I almost trip over my feet and fall head first when I realize that Paul isn't in the room. Temporarily confused, it takes me a moment to catch up with my wolf, who has already begun her search. Using her heightened sense of smell, she quickly locks onto the lingering traces of Paul's spicy and enticing scent. It doesn't take her long to lead us in the direction of his bedroom, propelling our physical form towards the door. At the very last minute I regain control, commanding my body to come to a full stop. My wolf huffs out in frustration and releases a small bark in protest, but I ignore her, hesitating as my hand hovers just above the cool metal door handle. Do I really want to do this?
Before I've had a chance to pull my hand back and decide my next move, the door abruptly opens wide, startling me. My breath hitches and when Paul's strong and familiar frame immediately comes to view, I feel my entire body yearn with desire. The strong resolve I felt after my conversation with Bella has crumbled completely, like a small gust of wind against a house of cards.
Paul's dark eyes immediately find mine, his lips curling into a sexy smirk that sets every inch of me on fire. Jesus… you'd think his effect on me would've diminished after spending more time with him, but it hasn't. If anything it's only grown stronger. I'm completely overcome by this powerful and overwhelming sense of anticipation and yearning. So much so that I seriously doubt I'll be physically able to hold back. A day and a half seriously feels like a decade away.
For some reason, the look he sends me makes me feel as though I'm a little girl who has just been caught with her hand stuck in a cookie jar. Unable to hold his intense gaze, I avert my eyes, dipping my head slightly so that my hair may hide the evidence of my burning cheeks. I hate how young and insecure I sometimes feel when I'm around him.
Taking a fortifying breath, I bite the inside of my cheek as I push both hands deeply into my back pockets before boldly returning my eyes to his. I'm a Swan for God's sake, I remind myself, powerful blood runs through my veins. Paul's almost black eyes trail down the side of my face, his expression pleased and filled with something I can't really explain. Pride, perhaps?
Drawing my bottom lip nervously between my teeth, I realize that he's waiting for me to speak.
"I need to stop by the farm," I declare as I watch how the skin between his dark eyebrows draws together in confusion.
"I thought you said it could wait until tomorrow?"
"It can't," I respond shortly, realizing that I'm basically bouncing up and down on the soles of my feet.
I force myself to stand still.
Paul studies me carefully, clearly expecting more of an explanation than he's been given. The tension I have brewing inside of me suddenly surges to the surface and before I can even consider what I'm doing, my lips are on his in a hard and almost violent kiss. I feel his surprise under my touch and everything in me is urging me to throw myself into my kiss, but instead I make sure to pull myself back before either of us have time to deepen the connection. Regardless of the incredibly brief kiss, we're both breathing hard when I step away from him.
"I need this, Paul," I whisper pleadingly as I carefully remove my hands from his strong neck. Before I can remove myself from him completely, I feel a large hand against the small of my back, holding me in place. Bracing my hands against his wide chest, I lift my eyes to find his.
"Tending to animals calms me down and right now-," my voice breaks off.
Explaining this to him is more difficult than I thought, especially when everything in me is urging me to throw caution to the wind and devour him.
"Please?" I beg, holding his heated gaze.
He doesn't move or say anything for what feels like a lifetime, but when he finally bobs his head in acceptance, I feel some of the tension disappear.
"Thank you."
His hand on my lower back makes a subtle movement lifting the edge of my shirt slightly with his thumb, so that two of his fingers touch my bare skin. I force myself to bite back the needy moan that instantly rises to my lips. Paul's dark eyes drop to my lips, almost as though he can sense I'm holding myself back. It's as though we're both standing on the edge of a cliff contemplating if we should stay where we are on safe ground or if we should throw caution to the wind and jump.
"Let me just give Nate a call and then we can get going."
Safe ground it is.
Paul's deep voice has a strange huskiness to it that sends a wave of goosebumps down my arms. My throat tightens, making it almost impossible for me to respond.
"Of course," I manage, taking a step away from him.
His bottomless dark eyes are unreadable as I gently push against his chest. The hand on the small of my back falls away and I immediately feel the loss. I make sure to keep the expression on my face neutral as I take a small step away from him, creating space between us. Everything in me revolts against my decision to move away from him and every step I is painful. It's unlike anything I've ever felt before, but I try not to overanalyze what I'm feeling. I remember doing the same thing with Sam, using my reactions to him as signs that we were meant to be. My wolf sends me a hard stare before she turns her back to me in protest. I don't think I've ever seen her act like this.
Paul holds my gaze as I back away from him and, although the expression on his face doesn't reveal his thoughts, I swear I see his hand clench painfully around the wooden doorframe.
"I'll be in the kitchen."
I almost don't recognize the sound of my voice. Paul simply bobs his head, before he reluctantly averts his gaze, pulling his cellphone out of his pocket. An unfamiliar pain flares up my chest, but then quickly disappears. Lifting a hand, I lightly massage the area while I walk towards the kitchen, trying to ignore the musical quality of Paul's voice as he speaks to his employee.
It doesn't take long for him to finish up and before I know it, we're out the door and on our way. The tension inside of me builds as the cab of Paul's truck fills with uncomfortable silence. Overnight, it's as though we've lost the ability to speak to one another and we're both trying to figure out how to deal with the sudden change between us.
When we finally turn down the dirt road leading to the farm, I feel as though I'm about to burst. Before Paul has even had time to shut off the engine, I'm out the door and on my way to the barn.
"Leah, wait!"
I feel him give chase behind me and for some reason this sends a thrill of excitement through me and my wolf leaps to her feet, urging me to phase. Her reaction is confusing, but when a firm hand wraps around my arm I'm forced to a complete stop. Whipping around to face him, I feel a rush of anger surge through me.
"What?!" I shout, surprising us both by the uncontrollable rage in my tone.
Immediately releasing his hold on me, Paul raises both hands in front of him in surrender. However, before either of us have time to address my reaction, we're distracted by the familiar sound of a pair of heavy boots running towards us.
I almost don't recognize the young man who suddenly appears at my side, but the lethal look he sends in Paul's direction is undeniable. I bite back a smile. The scrawny, yet brave human who has come to my "rescue" wouldn't stand a chance against a wolf-shifter pup, let alone a powerful and seasoned fighter like Paul. A hazy memory flickers in my mind and in a matter of seconds I'm able to place the newcomers face.
"Jack, hey!" I greet him with a wide smile, trying to diffuse the situation.
His pale blue eyes stay fixed on Paul, but at my warm greeting his lips lift into a small smile and a subtle flush spreads across his cheeks. Deciding to use his reaction to my gain, I gently touch his upper arm and take a step closer to him. My move works like a charm and in no time at all I've got him wrapped around my little finger.
"Leah, hi," he responds with a slight quiver in his tone.
I send him a sweet smile.
"I'm sorry I was a little out of it when you drove me home yesterday. Thank you for taking care of me, it was very kind of you."
His cheeks turn bright red.
"My… uh… It was my pleasure," he stutters with a timid, but charming smile.
My smile widens at his reaction and I tighten my hold on his arm. He's a handsome young man with nice features and is incredibly sweet, however that's as far as my interest goes. Flickering my eyes to the man standing across from us, I feel the difference immediately. Paul's dark and dangerous gaze sets my body aflame. His strong jaw tightens as his eyes move pointedly to where my hands are placed, before returning to mine, his message clear. A thrill shoots down my spine at the possessive look on his face and my wolf lets out an excited bark. A part of me is tempted to see just how far I can push him, but out of concern for Jack's safety, I decide not to push it. Obediently releasing my hold, I move away from Jack and take a step in Paul's direction. In no time at all, a large hand takes a commanding hold of my hip and pulls me decisively against his muscular front. Paul's intoxicating scent immediately fills my nose and my entire body is engulfed by his radiating heat. I force myself to swallow a moan when he surprises me by closing his lips over the sensitive skin right at the juncture between my shoulder and neck. Jesus.
My insides quiver at his intimate touch and I feel my knees buckle against the wave of desire that spreads through me like wildfire. Desperate to clear my head, I grasp a hold of his hand at my hip and squeeze it tightly. Luckily, Paul takes the hint and pulls his hot mouth away from my neck, nuzzling the area sweetly for a moment before moving away from it completely. Meeting Jack's pale gaze, I recognize both confusion, suspicion and hurt as they spread across his expressive face. The tension inside of me sizzles and yet again I feel my anger towards Paul rise. Subtly I try to create some space between us, but Paul's iron hold doesn't allow me to budge.
"I just dropped by to collect my things and say goodbye to the animals. I'm needed back home," I explain vaguely.
"You're leaving?"
I nod.
"But-," Jack begins.
"Thank you for driving Leah home, Jack, and for your concern, but we really have to get going," Paul interrupts, his tone polite but stern.
Jack's eyes find mine, his concern for me clear for all to see, and I quickly send him a reassuring smile and nod.
"Paul's right, we don't have a lot of time. I promise we won't be in anyone's way."
"Does Tommy know?"
I nod. I'd sent Tommy an email earlier.
Jack bobs his head, accepting my explanation, but I can see that he's still hesitant to leave my side. Wrapping an arm around Paul's waist, I tuck my body against his side and play the role of a loving and dutiful girlfriend, hoping that it will be enough to convince Jack of my safety.
"Baby, I'm sorry I got so upset earlier, but you know how jealous I get when other girls fight for your attention," I say in a low, but sugary sweet voice.
Paul catches on quickly, curling his arm around my shoulders as he leans down to tenderly kiss the top of my forehead.
"Sugar, you know I only have eyes for you."
I hold back a snort. He's laying it on pretty thickly. Out of the corner of my eye I find Jack watching us with interest. Reaching up to cup Paul's jaw, I get on my tip toes and touch my lips to his cleanly shaven cheek. I'm about to pull back, but in a smooth move, Paul's silky cheek is replaced by a pair of warm lips. A jolt of surprise rushes through me, but in no time at all that surprise is replaced by an inferno of heat. Paul cradles my head in his hands, staying in complete control of our kiss. Our lips move against one another in an achingly sweet dance that warms my heart in a way I've never experienced before. I never want it to end.
Paul's soft lips brush repeatedly against mine in a series of light kisses that completely takes my breath away and makes my heart race. After a while, he changes course and finally places two loving kisses against the edges of my lips before drawing away. Inhaling shakily, I keep my eyes closed, holding on to the moment for as long as I can before slowly opening them. Familiar onyx orbs find mine and the tenderness I find there makes my heart ache.
"Paul," I groan, glancing around quickly to find that we're alone.
His thumbs gently caress my cheekbones, but he stays silent.
"We can't keep on doing this," I whisper, our breath mixing together by how close we still are.
Again he doesn't respond, but this time I take charge and gently tug at his hands so that he will release his hold on my face. His expression is unreadable as I force myself to step away from him. When I turn my back to him and walk into the barn, I feel my eyes burn with tears as my wolf whimpers with each step I take away from him. This was not what I had in mind.
Luckily, the animals work their charm and the comfort I find in being with them is like a soothing balm, healing the aching pain in my chest and giving a release to the mounting stress I've had building up inside of me all day. I spend hours working and tending to the vast amount of animals around the farm. When the sun sets, I'm sweaty and dirty from the hard work. Stepping into the stables, I know this will be my last stop. Finding the pregnant horse I checked on the day in one of the stalls, I give her all of my attention. Speaking sweetly to her, refill her water bucket before completing a quick check up on her. Then I find a set of brushes and begin the grooming routine with firm strokes, humming a soft tune as I work.
I have no idea how much time passes before another person enters the stables, but instead of checking who it might be, I decide to stay focused on my task at hand. When a flush of heat spreads down my spine and my wolf's tail begins to wag back and forth with excitement, I know exactly who it is. Sighing heavily, I give the soon-to-be mother a final stroke, before placing the brushes in their rightful place before carefully moving out of her stall. As soon as I step out into the main area, I find Paul waiting for me. My heart warms when I find him feeding Blackie, an older gelding with some health issues, an apple. Feeling more like myself, I don't even hesitate as I walk over to them.
"Hey."
"Hey," I respond in kind, trying to ignore how Paul's eyes appear to be taking in my disheveled appearance.
Silence builds between us and I know, I need to address some of the issues I'm struggling with now, when I'm still calm. Leaning heavily against the wooden wall, I take a deep breath before taking the plunge.
"I'm sorry I've been kind of hot and cold all day," I pause, glancing down at my dirty boots as I conjure up as much courage as I can.
"I am incredibly attracted to you, Paul. And after what happened at the funeral, I was ready to throw caution to the wind and start something with you no matter the consequences. But then everything got turned upside down with that phone call from Jake."
"Leah," he begins, but I quickly cut him off.
"No, Paul, listen. I get that you want to wait until my birthday. Believe it or not, I do too," I tell him truthfully. My conversation with Bella had helped me realize that, it was just proving to be much easier said than done.
"I just need you to understand that this isn't easy for me, because I have all these feelings for you that I don't know what to do with. And today especially, I've been pushing you away because I'm terrified of us not imprinting. I know it might be stupid to admit that, but-."
"It isn't."
Our eyes hold and my breath catches at his simple words. Unfortunately he doesn't continue.
"So, friends?" I say with a shaky smile.
At my question, he moves away from Blackie and very slowly, as though he's waiting for me to object, wraps his arms around me in a tight hug. Inhaling his scent, I feel my shoulders drop as I relax against him.
"Friends," he whispers against the top of my head.
After a while, I tilt my head back and send him a look.
"Friends trust one another, Paul, so I need you to trust me when I tell you that I'll be okay in the apartment if you need to get some work done at the club."
A deep chuckle rumbles through his chest, but I can clearly see that leaving me unattended isn't easy for him to do.
"I promise not to leave and to call you right away if I get even the slightest inkling that something is up."
Paul glances around the room and shakes his head before eventually returning his gaze to mine, bobbing his head in silent acceptance. Deciding to award him for his reaction, I lean my head against his chest and hug him close. I feel him sigh as he melts against my embrace. Holding him tightly, I have no idea how much time passes before he breaks the comfortable silence between us.
"Working with animals really releases a lot of tension for you, huh?"
I smile, a wicked idea flashing through my mind.
"Yeah, it works like magic every time," I respond, stepping away from him.
Sauntering towards the bathroom where I've stashed the rest of my things, I begin pulling down the zipper of my overalls while I send him a saucy look.
"It was that or a round of wild and deep fucking, but Jack didn't seem too interested," I bite my lip at the lusty expression that crosses his face. The dark laugh that escapes his lips sends a delicious tingle down my spine.
"That kid has no idea how to please you and you know it."
Although he doesn't say it, it's clear that we both know exactly who would be absolutely perfect for the job. Closing the door behind me, I splash some cold water on my heated cheeks before getting dressed. Perfect indeed.
On our way home we pick up some Chinese takeout and settle down in front of the television while we eat. Conversation flows comfortably between us and when Paul announces that he needs to work the night shift at the club, I'm pleased when he simply reminds me to call him if I need anything.
I spend the evening watching sports on TV, before heading off to bed early. The next morning, I wake up early and clean the apartment a little before settling down with my mountain of books. I'm working on an email to one of my professors when I hear the tell-tale signs of Paul moving around in his room as he gets ready for the day. Walking over to the kitchen I get a cup of coffee ready for him and remove the omelet I've kept heated in the oven for him. The grateful and sleepy smile that spreads across his handsome face when I hand him both objects, sends a wave of deep pleasure through me.
The rest of the early afternoon passes by in a blur. Paul is kind enough to drive me to the library so that I can get a book my professor has recommended and we stop by the docks and take a walk to stretch our legs. Since both Paul and Jared are taking a longer leave of absence from running the Den to help protect the Pack, Paul has a pile of work he needs to get done and warns me that he probably won't be back until he's helped close up the club at around 2 AM. We've managed not to talk about my upcoming birthday all day, but when he gets up to leave for work, I find myself wrapped in a tight embrace.
"I'll see you in the morning," he whispers against the top of my head, his voice gruff with an emotion I don't recognize.
Inhaling his scent, I tighten my hold around his waist, a river of sorrow washes over of me at the thought of my birthday arriving and me not imprinting on Paul.
"Thank you," I mumble against his chest, desperate for him to know just how much he means to me. I feel his lips brush against my temple.
"What's meant to be will always find its way, Quahlí. I will forever treasure this time with you."
With those final words, Paul releases his hold and leaves the apartment with long, determined strides. Feeling numb and emotionally raw, I run a warm bath and spend the rest of the evening trying to not freak out over the fact that today might have been my very last day with Paul. I go to bed early, twisting and turning for hours until a light and dreamless sleep finally takes me.
My eyes fly open as an intense yearning spreads through every inch of my body, my heartbeat accelerates in my chest and I feel adrenaline flow through me. Blindly reaching for my phone I see that it's almost 3 AM, but there's an unread message on my phone. Turning on the nightlight, I sit up in bed as I open the message.
Happy birthday, my beloved Quahla. May destiny continue to guide and protect you as it has ever since you rushed into our lives during the early hours of a new day. We love you, dear daughter.
Exhaling a shocked breath, I feel how my heart races as that strange pain I felt in my chest the day before suddenly expands and grows exponentially stronger. It's the mating bond, of that I'm certain. My wolf pushes against my control and growls out a warning. Her presence is much stronger than I've ever experienced and although she doesn't push for me to phase, it's clear that she wants me to move. Rushing to get out of bed, I slip my feet into a pair of slippers before quickly opening my door. An urgency expands inside of me, pressing me forward. My wolf moves us around the apartment like I'm some puppet. Opening the door to Paul's room, I feel a rush of ecstasy pulse through me as his rich scent flows through my nostrils, warming my insides from within. Scanning the room, I search for him, but come up with nothing. It suddenly dawns on me that he must still be downstairs at work.
Acting completely by my wolf's command, my body rushes out the door of his room and I stride towards the exit. Just before I fling the front door open, I see something alarming in the reflection of the large floor to ceiling mirror in the hallway. My shock causes my wolf control to falter and for a second I'm back in the driver's seat. Turning my body, I face the mirror and study my reflection with awe. My hair is a mess, my cheeks are flushed, my skin is emitting a strange and unfamiliar glow which is only covered by my too short training shorts and large Black Metal t-shirt. Those things, however, are not what has shocked me to the core… No, the most alarming thing I see in staring back at me in my reflection is the color of my eyes. My usual warm brown eyes have been replaced by the icy blue color of my wolf and as I watch those same eyes ignite with fierce determination and purpose as she yet again regains control of our human form.
Rushing down the stairs, I don't feel anything other than the numbing pain in my chest and the expanding urgency rushing through my entire body. I realize that although my wolf is in charge, she isn't the only one anxious to find Paul. I am right there with her. Pushing at the side door leading to Paul's study, it takes me a moment to realize that it's locked. With shaky fingers, I punch in the code he gave me when I first moved in. Because my wolf and I struggle for the control, it takes us a few tries, but eventually we're able to get the door open.
Stepping inside, my body begins to tremble uncontrollably as we walk through the door. Again a shock of pleasure rushes through our body as my wolf locks onto his scent. Our mate is close. Soft music fills the air as we step out of Paul's office and make our way towards the bar. This time we both search for him, the desperate yearning building inside of us quickly becoming unbearable. When a loud crash suddenly fills the air, we immediately spin around to investigate.
The next thing I know, my back is harshly pushed against a nearby wall and my legs are tightly wrapped around the narrow waist of a strong male whose hands are desperately pulling at my t-shirt while his tongue licks up the side of my neck before he draws the lobe of my right ear into his hot mouth.
"Fucking finally!" I hear him growl in my ear as he presses his hard cock against my hot, wet core.
"YES!" I respond, muffling my scream against his salty skin as I kiss, nip and suck his neck with equal fervor.
My hands move between us trying to unbuckle his belt as his large hand dips inside the back of my small shorts squeezing my bare ass as he swivels his hips against mine.
Moaning loudly, I whip my head back and immediately those familiar honey-brown eyes of his wolf lock onto mine and in the next instant, time appears to stand still. The urgency and desperation we've both felt is pushed to the side and is replaced by something far more profound. Paul lifts one hand reverently to lovingly caress the side of my cheek and my eyes close at his gentle touch.
"My mate," he whispers softly, amazement and wonder evident his tone.
Leaning forward, I cup both of his cheeks and hold his gaze as I drop a tender kiss just below each eye.
"My mate," I respond in kind.