Trigger Warning- Talk of abuse and rape

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Enjoy!

Chapter 9 Agree to Disagree

They had gone another two rounds and were now cuddled under the sheets. Regina was on top of Emma, her head resting on her chest. Her eyes were closed as she soaked up the comfort Emma so freely gave her. The blonde ran her hand up and down her back, feeling the ridges of the scarring on tan skin. Back when Regina was in the hospital getting the rape kit done, Emma had asked about them. She had closed up at the time and just said she had upset him. She never said anything else about it.

"You're so beautiful, you know that," Emma whispered, kissing the top of her head. Regina raised her head to look at her. Her dark hair that had grown slightly longer since they first met now fell over her shoulders.

"So you've said, over and over in the past hours," Regina smirked, kissing those lips. Emma moaned into the kiss, allowing her entrance when she swiped her tongue on her bottom lip. Things started getting heated again and Emma had the sense to pull away before they could go for round four. Henry was literally going to walk in on them if they don't get up. They didn't want to traumatize the poor kid when he got home. A thought came to her and she wondered if Regina was willing to try it with her.

"How about a shower?" she asked.

"Together?"

"If you want to," Emma assured her, making sure she knew she had a choice, especially when it came to intimacy. Regina tilted her head, her brown eyes sparkling with that same curiosity she had when Emma asked to go down on her. "It'll be fun, trust me," Emma laughed. "And it doesn't always have to be sexual. We could just wash each other's hair."

"Wash each other's hair?"

"Yup, up to you babe," she replied with a chaste kiss on the lips.

"I'd like that," she said and then hesitated, nervously biting her bottom lip. Emma frowned in concern at that.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"As fun as having shower sex sounds, I really don't want Henry hearing us if he were to walk in. Can we just wash each other's hair." She looked so embarrassed asking, her cheeks blushed and she averted her gaze.

"Of course! You don't even have to ask," Emma assured her, kissing her cheek and then her lips. "You never have to do anything you don't want to. You always have a choice. We could be in the middle of it, stripped naked and hot and bothered and you could still change your mind."

Regina looked at her in awe. Love and adoration shined in those dark eyes. She sweetly kissed her lips and caressed her cheek lovingly. She had no idea what she had done to deserve her.

"You know you're beautiful, right darling?" she asked, repeating Emma's earlier sentiment making the blonde beneath her laugh.

Regina slid off of her, letting the blanket fall from her shoulders and revealing her naked body. Emma's eyes wandered and Regina smirked seductively. Her own eyes wandered over the sheriff as well. She was so beautiful, Regina almost decided to just take her right then and there, but knowing Henry would be home any minute pushed her to get out of bed. She held out her hand for Emma to take. As the blonde stood, she suddenly started feeling uneasy as she followed her to the bathroom. The thought of it was so intimate. Of course she trusted Emma to not take it further if she didn't wish for it. Although, memories of Leopold forcing his way into her shower, pressing her against the tiles as he violated her flashed through her mind. Once she had locked the door and received a severe beating because of it. From then on, she never locked the door if she took a bath or a shower, never knowing if he'd come in to either rape her or pick a fight.

She stood at the doorway, hesitating as Emma went in and put the water on. When she seemed satisfied with the temperature, Emma turned back to see her girlfriend shaking where she stood. Her eyes were glazed over as if she were trapped in a memory. A sudden ball of hot anger surged through her as she realized she was thinking about some kind of traumatic memory that had to with Leopold. She wasn't exactly sure, but she had a feeling he might have violated her even in their bathroom back at the mansion. She took a breath, calming the anger for the bastard and focusing on the nervous woman in front of her. She approached her, not touching her unless she wished it.

"Hey..." she whispered and apprehensive brown eyes looked up at her.

"Were just going to shower, right?" she asked, almost panicking. "We're not going to take it further?"

"Only if you wish to," Emma confirmed seriously, deep concern etched on her face. "If you're not comfortable we can shower separately."

"No," her voice shook. "I want to. I need to replace the bad memories. I was never allowed to lock the door when I'd shower or take a bath. Sometimes he'd come in and..." She trailed off, unable to voice what he'd do to her out loud. She didn't have to. By the horrified expression on Emma's face, she knew she got the picture.

Emma gently took her hand and led her to the tub. She cupped her face with both hands on her cheeks, smoothing back her hair and then kissing her tenderly. "You're safe," she whispered, when she pulled back to look at her. "Remember, you have a right to say no to anything."

Regina nodded, kissing the palm on her check.

"Are you ready?" Emma asked softly.

Regina nodded again and allowed Emma to help her step in. Emma stepped in behind her and guided her into the spray. Regina tensed at first, not knowing what to expect suddenly.

"Breathe, baby," Emma whispered as she ran her fingers through locks in an attempt to soak them under the water. "You're ok. Take a deep breath."

Regina focused on her breathing, her hands suddenly gripping Emma's waist in an attempt to ground herself and shut out the bad memories. She closed her eyes, letting the warm water and Emma massaging her scalp lull her into a state of calm. Her heart stopped racing and her chest felt lighter. She could breathe again.

"There you go," Emma whispered, reaching for the shampoo bottle and lathering up her hair. "Is this ok?"

"Perfect," she whispered, now feeling so relaxed under Emma's ministrations. Once her hair was thoroughly lathered and rinsed, Regina stepped aside to let Emma get under the spray. She combed her fingers through long blonde locks, imitating what Emma had done and gently massaged shampoo into her hair.

Emma looked just as relaxed as she scrubbed her hair and rinsed the shampoo off. Regina couldn't help herself from kissing her under the spray, their bodies pressed up against each other as Emma wrapped her arms around her, holding her close.

Whatever fears and nervousness she felt before, now melted away and were replaced with a calmness that had settled over her. She moved from Emma's lips and started kissing her neck. She felt Emma sliding her hands up and down her back. She instantly was reminded of the scarring there but pushed it to the back of her mind as she continued her assault on Emma's neck. She felt the blonde shudder beneath her touch when she hit a particular spot.

"Mmm, babe," Emma groaned. "You make me feel so good."

Regina smiled smugly against her skin as she peppered kisses up her neck and then took her lips in hers, her tongue sliding over her lower lip for entrance. Emma allowed it and groaned at the intensity of the kiss. When they finally pulled away they were breathless and flushed.

"At this rate, we'll never finish," Emma chuckled, cupping her cheek and placing a sweet kiss on her brow. She grabbed the conditioner and started lathering up dark locks of hair again.

"I need a haircut," she grumbled as Emma worked a few knots out.

"Aw, I like it long."

"It's getting unmanageable."

"I love your natural curls," she pouted as she guided Regina towards the spray. "Rinse."

When she was done, Regina stepped behind her to grab the bottle of conditioner. She had to slightly bend at the knees a little so that she could reach the top of her head.

"You're one to talk with your straight wavy locks," she continued as she slid her fingers in between strands of hair. "You don't know the struggle especially when it gets humid or when it rains."

"Yeah but it's so basic compared to yours," Emma groaned.

"You have beautiful hair," Regina disagreed as Emma reached over to place a kiss on her cheek.

"Let's agree to disagree, love," she whispered.

Once they were done washing each other's hair, Emma got the lufa and started scrubbing tan skin. Regina sighed at the mintrastions, feeling so relaxed her legs were feeling like jelly. Emma dragged it over her neck, her chest and breasts, her belly, her legs and arms. It wasn't until Emma got to her back, then she felt her hesitate.

For a split second she was confused until Emma, lightly dragged a finger along one of the scars, reminding her of their presence for the second time.

"Does it still hurt?" Her voice was so small and shaky as if she were desperately trying to keep it together.

"No," Regina whispered, her hands shaking and her heart speeding up at the memory of her husband brutally hitting her back with his belt until she bled. He only ever struck her like that when she would run away or test his patience to the extremes. The last time he had whipped her was when she had gotten in trouble for arresting Emma. She swallowed hard at the memory of Leopold pushing her down on her knees over the edge of the couch. His hands ripped off her shirt and bra leaving her bare as the belt came down on her skin. She could remember screaming through the gag that was her shirt.

"Regina?" Emma saw her body going rigid and her hands starting to shake. She cursed under her breath as she realized a panic attack was coming on. She should have known better. She shouldn't have brought up the scars in the shower of all places knowing that she might trigger a panic attack. "Hey, look at me sweetheart."

Her breaths were fast and she was clutching at her chest as if she couldn't breathe. Emma carefully stepped in front of her so that she could look at her.

"Regina, I'm right here with you. You're not with him. You're not in that house. You're safe and you're home."

Her brown eyes were full of fear. Her body was shaking and tears were sliding down her cheeks and mixing with the spray of the shower head.

She wasn't responding and so Emma turned off the water and wrapped her in a towel. Hoping she'd be more comfortable if she wasn't exposed.

"Hey look at me, Regina."

"Emma…" she gasped between breaths.

"Let's answer the questions. Who am I?"

"Emma," she repeated like she was desperately trying to ground herself with her name alone.

"Where are you?"

"Home."

"And how do I make you feel?"

"Safe," she whispered, her breathing startling to regulate.

"That's it," Emma encouraged her, reaching out and placing her hand on her rapidly beating heart. "Deep breaths, that's it love."

Regina focused on her breathing and allowed Emma to pull her into her arms. She snuggled into her chest, closing her eyes and breathing in her scent.

"You're ok," Emma whispered. "I got you. You're safe."

"I'm safe," Emma felt the shaken woman whisper against her chest like she was desperately trying to remind herself.

They stood there, Emma holding Regina until she had stopped trembling and was no longer struggling to breathe. Emma shivered as she realized she was still very naked.

"Let's dry off and get warm," Emma suggested.

Regina slowly stepped back, wrapping the towel around her more tightly. Her eyes were tear stricken and she looked exhausted.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, her voice trembling. Emma grabbed a towel from the wall hook and wrapped it around herself. She looked at her in surprise and then softly caressed her cheek and kissed her lips.

"No apologizing, remember?"

"Right," Regina nodded and then followed Emma into the bedroom. They quickly got dressed and when they were done they decided to head down to the kitchen for some tea while they waited for Henry to come home.

Regina was sitting at the kitchen island as Emma sat a hot mug in front of her. All traces of her previous playful mood had disappeared. Her dark eyes seemed to be far away as well as her mind. Whatever Leopold had done to her back, she was lost in the memory of it. Emma sat beside her with her own mug. She reached out, placing her hand on top of Regina's while trying to meet her gaze.

"You can talk about it," she encouraged, trying to get her to open up. She was shutting down and Emma was trying to pull her out of it. Regina slowly met her gaze and Emma let out a sigh of relief that she hadn't completely shut her out.

"I don't know if I can," she said so quietly. Her hands started trembling and Emma squeezed them in an attempt to ground her. "It was recent."

Emma's blood boiled at that. Exactly how recent did Leopold give her those lash marks. She tried to remain calm however for Regina's sake.

"It's ok too if you don't want to talk about it, but you know I'm here."

Regina seemed to weigh her options, as if she were debating whether to just go ahead and talk about what had happened or stay silent. Finally, after a few moments of silence Regina looked into green eyes. She looked so scared and Emma reached out to caress her cheek in comfort.

"You're in a safe space," she reminded her. Regina nodded and took a breath and the fear in her eyes faded. She was nervous.

"The times I ran away or really tested his patience, he had a special kind of punishment for me. He only did it a few times but as you can see, he left his mark as a reminder."

Emma took her hands again, waiting in anticipation.

"He'd push me to my knees, strip my back so it's bare and take off his belt…"

She needed a moment as her heart started racing again.

"Ok, take a moment," Emma stopped her, getting up and hugging the distressed brunette. "Breathe, Gina. You're ok."

She was shaking so hard. Emma had to swallow the hot red anger she felt for that bastard.

"He'd hit me until I was bruised and bleeding," she cried shakily. "Graham was there when he did it for the first time. It was after I had ran away to Atlantic City."

Emma held her tighter as if she were trying to protect her from just the memory alone. She wanted to kill both men. Graham got off too easy in her opinion. He watched Leopold brutalize her and basically turned his back and did nothing to help. He should get more than 8 years and a slap on the wrist.

"How recent was the last one?" she asked, slowly pulling away and looking into tear stricken eyes. "Was I in Storybrooke at the time?"

Regina's eyes widened and Emma saw the quick flash of fear and dread in her eyes. A fresh wave of tears welled up in her eyes and streamed down her cheeks.

"Oh, Emma…" she cried, her chest heaving. She buried her face into her chest and Emma held her as she cried. "It was my fault," she whispered. "I shouldn't have done it."

"What are you talking about?" she asked. "Done what?"

"The warrants for your arrest," she explained. "He found out and was livid. He hit me with his belt."

Cold dread filled Emma's belly as she realized Regina was punished for her sake. Leopold punished her for having her arrested back when they were feuding over Henry. She felt like she was going to be sick.

"Emma?"

She remembered the morning when Leopold had her come into his office to talk about the warrants. The way his cold eyes glinted as he described Regina's behavior as a power trip tantrum. She shivered at the memory. Was that around the time he had brutally beat her with his belt?

"You got hurt because of me?" she asked shakily and Regina shrunk back.

"No! Emma…" Regina looked at her, shocked that she had even suggested that. "I'm the one that sent out those warrants."

"Because I had goaded you," she realized, her hand going to her forehead. She stepped back from the trembling woman. "I'm so sorry," she whispered shamefully, her green eyes welling up with tears. Regina was up in a flash, taking the slightly taller woman into her arms and pressing kisses on her cheeks and lips.

"No, darling please don't blame yourself," she whispered. "Please, don't."

"If I had known then, I wouldn't have been so angry at you. I would have stopped him sooner."

"There's nothing you could have done," she stated firmly. "We can't change the past."

"No, but we have to live with it," Emma grumbled, self loathing evident in her voice. She was trying to remember if she had seen Regina in any kind of pain at the time. She hadn't realized their feud would have had violent repercussions for Regina.

"Hey, look at me Swan." Her voice was stern. Green eyes finally met her gaze.

"I was so angry, so lost. I wouldn't have let you help me. I saw you as a threat that was going to take the only piece of happiness in my life, Henry. I hated you for that. Nothing you could have done back then would have helped me. I needed time to learn to trust you. Everything happened the way it was supposed to."

"The thought of him lashing your back because of me…"

"I sent the warrants out."

"But…"

"No," Regina cut her off, a hand caressing her cheek and holding her gaze. "No, Emma."

Emma sighed in defeat, knowing there was no changing the woman's mind.

"Agree to disagree?"

Regina gave her a complete I'm done with you look and Emma gave her a goofy smile and kissed her lips.

"How are you feeling right now?" Emma asked when they had pulled away.

"Tired," she sighed. She didn't admit that going from making love and being happy to getting anxious and going through a panic attack exhausted her. Not to mention the emotionally draining session she had with Archie this morning. It kind of pushed a dark cloud over her head and her mind felt numb.

"How about a nap before the kid comes home?"

"That actually sounds great," Regina gave her a small smile. She actually just felt like getting under the covers and sleeping for the rest of the day. Emma looked at her as if she knew there was more to it than just being tired but she didn't push her.

Once Regina had disappeared up the stairs, Emma started getting dinner ready. She didn't know how to make too many dishes, just the basics. So she whipped up some pasta and salad. She knew Henry was going to be starving and she wanted Regina to eat a good meal since she had skipped lunch. She was worried. Regina had claimed she was just tired but she knew there was more to it. She could see it in her eyes and in her face. Hopefully, she'll feel better once she woke up and got some food in her. She was so lost in her thoughts she barely even heard Henry coming in.

"Moms?" he called and she jumped from where she stood in front of the stove.

"In the kitchen," she called out. She heard him dumping his backpack and the sound of his steps coming closer.

"Hi, ma, where's mom?" he asked looking around.

"She's asleep upstairs. She's a bit tired after her session with Archie," she explained, not telling him about the panic attack she had earlier as well. "Did you have fun at the arcade?" she asked as he sat at the island. She put the sauce on simmer and took a seat across from him.

"Yea, until I ran out of quarters," he groaned.

"Oh kid, don't tell me you spent the whole 20 dollars your mom gave you. You know that was supposed to last the month right?"

"I know," he pouted. "I was just having so much fun."

"Well, now you'll have to wait till your next allowance, but tell you what. Do a few extra chores and you'll be able to earn some extra arcade money early."

"Like what?" he asked skeptically.

"We'll think of something."

Henry nodded and then looked thoughtfully in the direction of his mother's bedroom.

"Are you sure she's ok? She normally doesn't take naps."

"She's just had a rough day, but dinner is almost ready. Why don't you go wake her."

"Alright," he replied, getting up and rushing up for the stairs. He missed her and was looking forward to seeing her and telling her about his day. He got to her room, noticing the light was off and with a soft knock he pushed open the door. She was fast asleep under the covers. He went over to the bed.

"Mom," he whispered, placing his hand on her shoulder. She stirred at the contact and sleepily opened her eyes.

"Hello, my little prince," she whispered with a small smile.

"Are you ok?" he asked.

"Just a bit tired," she whispered. "What time is it?"

"Around 5. Dinner is ready."

"Emma cooked?" she asked in surprise, getting up and stretching. She still felt so exhausted. She wasn't even hungry. She just wanted to stay in bed for the rest of the evening.

"Spaghetti and salad," he said.

"That sounds good. Why don't you go and set the table. I'll be right down."

He rushed back down and Regina fell back against the pillows. She didn't have the energy. Her dreams had been filled with random memories in time and she felt like she hadn't slept at all. Maybe five more minutes and she'll head downstairs.

5 minutes turned to 20 and Emma was suddenly sitting at her side, waking her with a hand on her cheek.

"Are you feeling ok, love?" she asked when brown eyes sleepily met green.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall back to sleep."

"You're exhausted from today, aren't you?"

"It was an eventful day," she admitted, clearly not wanting to talk about her earlier panic attack or the sudden feeling of melancholy that was hanging over her.

Emma frowned at that. Something had changed after their talk in the kitchen. She went from high to low after her panic attack. She could sense the gloominess of her mood radiating off of her. With a heavy heart, she realized Regina might have fallen into another bout of depression just as she had after her fight at the loft with Mary Margaret. She has been getting better considering all that had been going on with Cora, but now she seemed to have fallen further into it.

"Do you want to come and eat and then we could snuggle on the couch after with a movie?" she asked, hoping to get her out of the bed. To her relief, Regina nodded and slowly sat up. She softly kissed her lips, her hand caressing her cheek. "Are you sure you're ok?" she asked, trying to get her to open up.

"I'm fine darling," Regina whispered, really not in the mood to talk about her feelings. Emma decided not to push her, but wanted her to know she was here to listen when she was ready.

"Ok, but I'm here if you want to talk," she reminded her. "We could have wine and vent if that's what you need to do."

"I said I'm fine," she snapped, annoyance flashing in her eyes for a split second before softening with remorse. "Sorry." She looked away. She could feel Emma's eyes on her. She couldn't explain the sudden frustration that came over her.

Emma was shocked for a moment before recovering. Archies words, don't coddle her, coming to the forefront of her mind.

"Thank you for apologizing, but clearly something is bothering you. We don't have to talk about it, but please don't let it eat away at you."

She reached out to touch her shoulder, but Regina flinched away. Emma's heart broke. "We'll be downstairs when you're ready."

When she was gone, Regina threw herself back into the bed with a frustrated sigh. Her mind felt numb. She felt tired and frustrated. She felt all over the place. How can she even begin to explain that to Emma.

Minutes later she was coming down and taking her seat at the table. Henry didn't suspect anything was wrong, but Emma could see she wasn't 100% emotionally present. She answered Henry in half hearted answers and pushed her food around her plate, barely taking any bites.

Once Henry was settled in the living room with a movie after dinner, Emma joined Regina out on the porch with two glasses of red wine in hand. She stepped out to see her curled up on the porch swing under a blanket. She was simply staring out, her hands fidgeting with the hem of the blanket.

"Can I sit?" Emma asked. Regina looked up at her and nodded. She handed her a glass and took a seat. It was cold out here. Emma shivered and took a sip of her wine hoping it'll warm her up a bit.

Regina saw her trembling and scooted closer. She opened her blanket and invited Emma to cuddle under it with her. Emma's heart warmed at the gesture. They spent a good few moments cuddling and sipping their wine in silence. Emma wanted her to open up on her own.

"I apologize for being cross this afternoon," Regina finally spoke.

"What's bothering you?" Emma asked softly, her green eyes full of concern. Her moods were all over the place today. Up and down, if she could describe it.

"I… I can't explain it," she said, her voice sincere. She really couldn't explain her quick mood changes. This early afternoon, she was happy. She was enjoying her time with Emma and then after her panic attack she felt herself spirling into a deep hole of depression. She found it hard to function. This wasn't the first time. Some days were better than some and Emma seemed to notice as well.

"Was it your panic attack?" she asked.

"Perhaps," Regina admitted softly. "Remembering one of his more brutal punishments seemed to have brought up certain emotions… The helplessness…" she whispered, finally realizing why she had fallen into a state of sadness. While her husband forced her on her knees and lashed her until she was raw, she could remember the feeling of being helpless. The feeling of losing hope when she had looked up at Graham after he brought her back from Atlantic City and watched him turn away because he couldn't watch.

She hadn't realized tears were streaming down her cheeks until Emma was wiping them away and then kissing her cheek. She let out a sob and Emma was suddenly taking their glasses and setting them on the ground. She quickly took Regina in her arms, holding her close under their blanket.

"You're ok," Emma whispered in her ear as she tried to stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks. "You're safe now. You're home."

"You're Emma," she whispered, desperately trying to ground herself. "I'm home, and I'm safe."

"Yes, baby that's it," her girlfriend whispered, kissing her lips and holding her close.