Chapter 11: Family Guy: The Christmas Special
The cast of Fate Grand Order saw it. A body in flames, just meters away from them. The sound of panting breath from above, indicating the voice had returned. All in all, another strange thing had happened today.
"Welp," The voice then spoke up and looked at the flaming body. "That could have ended better. Oh, which reminds me." Suddenly next to Mash came a sleeping Olga who looked like she did before she died. "Here you go. As promised, Olga back in action. Or asleep in this case after crap happened."
That Alien God was a jerk!
"You-you saved her." Mash stuttered as she gazed upon the former Director.
"No way." Ritsuka then gave a slight poke, now knowing she was real. "She's actually here." Then Ritsuka blinked, gazing at the flaming body. "Wait a second, if you're there, and Olga's here...then-"
"Who the hell is that!?" Ritsuka's sister Guadako then finished for him. Others also feel the same.
"Oh. That." The voice looks at the flaming body, which soon began smelling like burnt flesh. The only thing that one could see was a strange watch-like device that is black and green. "That's just the body of a hero that died."
"Wait, what?" EMIYA Archer then gives a double-look at the dead person.
"Yeah. His name was Ben Tennyson." The voice then decided to explain as suddenly a broom and mop came and a bucket started pouring water on the body. "A good hero. A bit of an idiot, but had a heart of gold with wicked powers. He got killed in a few minutes when the jerk I faced surprised attacked him after massacring his family. On the bright side, he didn't see how the world ended."
"And you...say that like you're doing a chore." Da Vinci narrowed her eyes at the voice. "Like you don't care an entire world was wiped out."
"Because I don't." The voice bluntly says, shocking a few of the Servants, including the Masters. "I come from a rather...unique realm. I won't give you the details other than I, along with others like me see most dimensions (fanfiction) as nothing more but another realm that will be destroyed in the grand scheme of things. Besides, there's loads of Ben Tennyson worlds out there. Nobody is going to miss one dying off. Which reminds me," The strange watch-device then latched off of the dead hero and attacked itself to Olga after some reprogramming. "She can have that."
"What is it, because I sense no magecraft from it." Merlin looked at it with interest.
"Just a little thing Olga will like." The voice gives a non-existent grin. "For now though, let's start our latest preview. A story that will feature a very interesting man for the holiday season happening in my world."
"And who's that?" Arturia Santa (Alter) asked.
"This!"
Stewie and Brian 'Save' Christmas
It was a peaceful day here in the world. The snow was falling calmly, the night was nice and fresh, and people around the world were sleeping. Where in the night sky, if one looks closely, one can see none other than a sleigh in the night sky.
All the so-called Santa's blinked.
"No way!" Jeanne (Lily) then shouted as she couldn't believe it.
"Muy bien! Santa!" The Samba Servant then shocked herself a little as she saw what she couldn't believe.
"Well this is rather interesting." Altera (Santa) smiled.
"I suppose so." Arturia Santa (Alter) nodded, then looked at the voice. "So we're seeing none other than Santa."
"No." The voice said instantly.
"Wait...no?" Guadako says.
"Trust me, I wish I can show him, but I was convinced to instead show a replacement for Santa. Kinda like you fakers." The voice then tells them.
"I'm sorry, fakers." Arturia Santa (Alter) narrowed her eyes.
"Pretty much, yeah." The voice held no regret in what he said. "You guys turn to 'Santa' on Chrustmas, but sorry, to me while you're cool, you're nothing more but fanservice." Especially Santa Servants number 3 and 4. Hell, even Jeanne (Lily) revealed her chest and stomach despite being a kid. Santa is many things, but certainly not female strippers.
"Fan….service…" Altera (Santa) scratched her head while Ritsuka and Guadako sighed while doing their best to not get involved with the conversation. While they loved the Servants who turned to Santa...the voice wasn't wrong. They dressed in a way no modern-day female would dress as, especially Altera and Quetzalcoatl. They'd be arrested in public for such a thing.
"Let's continue watching." Mash urged the Santa Servants before bloodshed can happen.
It was here the sled then revealed the two who decided to temporarily take Santa's place. A very incredibly smart-yet dubious-baby and his friend dog. Stewie and Brian who looked happy enough as their reindeer carried them and their sack of toys.
"Alright Brian," Stewie then looked over his pal and spoke. "This is it, our first town. I'm gonna head to that roof." He then points before snapping the reins to get the Reindeer to listen.
Unfortunately, as soon as Stewied did that, the Reindeer went downward and as they did, the sleigh began to tilt. Something the talking dog noticed.
"Why are we tilting?" He nervously asked. Stewie looked annoyed at what he felt was an insult.
"Look, I've never landed one of these things before, okay?"
"That's already a mark." Arturia Santa (Alter) then says. "To think they've never even practiced.
"I agree. That seems like a mistake." Altera Santa nods.
"..." Ritsuka and Guadako then stare at them, as they remember their time when they were forced to ride with them.
Ritsuka's Flashback
"Wait! Wait! Wait!" Ritsuka shouted as Arturia Santa (Alter ignored him and forced them both to land in the cold snow. Quickly using his mystic code just in time as he fell off and hit a tree so hard, had he not used the Reinforcement Mystic Code, he'd have died.
"...Ow." But he did feel his face being in pain.
"Come on reindeer." Arturia Santa (Alter) showed no care for his well-being. "We must get going.
Guadako's Flashback
"Ahhhhhh!" Guadako shrieked as she was hanging onto the fluffy sheeps curly fur while also upside down. Altera (Santa) having decided to go faster than a car and didn't even notice she was hanging for dear life.
"Don't worry Master." The new Santa sneezed before grabbing her sheep tightly. "I'll make us go faster so we can get this over with."
"No! Wait! Not any fasttttteeeeerrrrrr!" Her cries were ignored.
"...Cause you never experienced such things, right?" The voice rolled their non-existent eyes. He swore, one of the things Servants failed to notice-especially the ones from Chaldea-was that their Masters were literally only humans. Otherwise they get them involved in crazy things. "I'm just surprised you're not questioning why a dog can talk."
"Eh, Fou can kinda speak." Ritsuka shrugged with Fou agreeing.
"We're coming in too fast," Brain then shouted with fear. "Look out!" The reindeer then pulled up showing bloodshot eyes as the duo zipped by the trees very dangerously. Stewie desperately trying to avoid anything big as they hit a chimney while the sled sometimes hit the roofs of the houses and skimming them.
Eventually though their sled hit a huge tree where the reindeer got trapped in while leaving the sled incapable of flight and still flying in the air. The two then screaming as they suddenly 'landed' and hit a big shed which then launched them onto the roof of their destined house.
Though they were launched from their sled and hit the snowy roof rather roughly and in slight pain.
"Alright, this is good." Stewie then says to his pal feeling better already and wiped the snow off his santa costume while Brian looked at him being skeptical. "We'll be in and out of this house in no time and onto the next!"
"I guess I can give them points for determination." Jeanne (Lily) then judged the two, also feeling a bit upset that in this world, a good Santa like her wasn't the one bringing the holiday cheer. "However, they better be ready for the most difficult part. Getting them a good gift."
The two Masters sighed. Recalling all the 'good gifts' the Lancer Servant gave out her first time. The Servants who received their presents from Jeanne (Lily) cringing as they recalled those gifts. Hopefully these two do better in that respect.
"What about the reindeer?" Brian then asked as the two then looked at the reindeer. The animals then looked at one another before growling feral unlike what the shows portrayed.
"We'll cut them down afterwards." Stewie told his friend. He then chucked a thumb at the chimney and said, "Now let's go down the chimney."
The two then did exactly that and as if they were thieves, slid down the hole very smoothly. Sliding down without problem with Stewie first then Brian after. Soon the first landed in the house and into the living room like an expert.
Brian on the other hand messed up as once he got close enough, he slipped and accidentally slammed himself into Stewie and knocking the wood from the fireplace then hit Stewie.
"Ow!" The baby cried as he glared at the dog. "Bitch!"
"Did...did that baby just curse?" Atalanta instantly took a liking to Stewie-since he's a child-yet it surprised her to see such a kid say such a grown up word. Even the Child Servants didn't say such things.
"Yeah, trust me, this kid is far from normal." The voice told Atalanta, and refrained from saying all the atrocities this kid has done. Because these heroes did not need to know this kid was actually worse than some of the foes they met in certain regards. "All I'll say is he had some bad role models." Not to mention a disorder that made him pretty much a psychopath.
"Okay, let's get the presents under the tree." Brian then says as the two then get up to get their job done.
"Alright, you have them?" Stewie asks.
"I thought you had them." Brain responds, as it then didn't take long for both to realize they forgot the sack of toys.
"Oh for the love of God, they're still in the sleight!" Stewie realized first in frustration.
"Ay. They should have done a Samba to remember." Quetzalcoatl says and then begins shaking her body. Meanwhile, Mash looked at her and came to realize something.
'Did...did Quetzalcoatl even once give presents during that year.' The answer was no.
"Ah crap, on the roof." Brian muttered in anger. Though before more could be said, it was then the two heard a noise from above them. They looked up as they heard it get louder and louder, then they quickly looked out the window and saw their sleigh crash into the front lawn with the toy sack spilling its colorful contents. It seemed the sled slid off the roof.
"No it's...It's in the yard." Stewie deadpanned as the two watched the snow falling onto their sled.
"Well already their day to save Christmas is going bad." Cu chuckles a bit. "On the bright side, things can't get any worse."
"You just had to say that, didn't you." EMIYA Archer rolled his eyes.
"Oh Lancer." Sitori then giggles. "You just jinxed the two."
"As expected of a dog." Kid Gil grins while Cu growls at him.
"Why you, no-wait, screw it. Let's just continue watching." Then they'll see they're wrong.
The two quickly got outside to get the presents. Once they got what they felt was enough to bring smiles, they carried the boxes with Brian freeing one hand to open the door.
Click.
Only for him to be unable to turn it at all. As Brian then just looked on and realized what has now happened. "Oh my God." They were locked out.
"Don't. Say. Anything." Cu glares at EMIYA Archer who abided. Though that smirk on his face said otherwise.
"They sure are air-headed." Altera (Santa) says.
Ishtar looks at her, and recalls what her ex-husband once said to her.
"I just told her some lies-er-I mean advice, and she accepted it as the truth." Ishtar then looked away and back at the screen.
"Did you unlock the door when you left?" Stewie asked the dog who just stares at him. Then angrily dropped the boxes and waved his hands at him.
"No. You were the last one out!" He shot back.
"Well then how the hell are we gonna get back inside?" Stewie asks. The answer was an unexpected one.
"Find a rock."
"I can't see this ending well, even if they have good intentions." Karna can feel it in his instinct.
"Indeed." Nightingale agrees with him. "These two are just making many mistakes." Which won't lead to a happy end. The voice, even if it said nothing, fully agreed.
In a manner of seconds, a rock is thrown into the house and making a good hole through the window. Brain then knocked out more glass away with his elbow to make room for himself and leapt in. From there he quickly went and unlocked the door for Stewie to enter.
Once it was opened, Brian got his gifts and re-entered with Stewie following with his gifts. Brian then dropping the gifts dispassionately under the Christmas tree without much care. Something Stewie noticed.
"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, what are you doing?" He asked.
"I'm putting out the presents." Brain responds, not sure what the problem even is.
"Not like that you're not." Stewie tells him. "Tall in the back, short in the front." He then explains. "And show some care for God's sake. Y-You know, those aren't socks and underwear donated by the fire department, or some battered women's shelter." Stewie then neatly puts the boxes in their places, not noticing Brain getting a nearby cup of milk and cookies. "These are Santa Gifts Brian!" He then finally looks at him. "Y-You know you have to-" He then stops as his eyes widened.
At long last he notices his pal eating a cookie. "W-Wha-What are you doing?" He then narrows his eyes at the dog. "Did you just eat that whole cookie off the mantle?"
Brian swallows and doesn't know what the problem is this time. "What?" He then spreads his arms. "They left that out for Santa. We're Santa." He pointed out.
"And no doubt Stewie will get jealous." Nursery Rhyme says, also thinking she might feel that way if she were in that position.
"He didn't even share." Jack stares at the dog. "He just ate it for himself."
"Hold on, don't dogs get sick if they eat chocolate." Arturia then points out.
"Considering the dog can stand on his two legs and talk, I'm sure he'll be fine." EMIYA Archer points out.
"Yeah, but you're not supposed to eat all of it!" Stewie then angrily berates him. "You take a bite, and a sip of milk! That's how the kids know Santa was here!"
"Don't yell at me!" Brian says to Stewie.
"I'm not yelling at you. I'-I'm just telling you how it's done. They-They need some kind of indication that Santa was here!"
"Oh, okay, how about this." Brain says where he then spills some of the milk right onto the rug without a care with Stewie looking at it in surprise at the action. "Look. Hey, now they know he was here. See."
"Stop it!" Stewie shouts. In response, Brian drops the glass of milk.
"Look! I'm here giving out free presents. Alright! I'll eat the damn cookies if I want. You know what, I might even make a sandwich." The dog then leaves to do just that.
"Yeah, this can't end happily ever after." Guadako comments on what they're seeing.
"Our Santa Servants may not have been particularly good at their jobs, but at least they tried." Da Vinci says feeling uncomfortable how the two 'Santas' were fighting.
"At this rate, they'll wake up the house and-hold on a second, what do you mean we weren't good at our jobs." Arturia Santa (Alter then looks at Da vinci who quickly looks away. The rest of the regular Servants then whistled or pretended the Santa Servants weren't in their sights.
"W-Wait. Where are you going?" Stewie questioned his friend with Brian looking back at him.
"I'm going to the kitchen." He obviously pointed out. "I'm going to make a sandwich and get some chips or something."
Gritting his teeth, Stewie followed after Brian who was now rummaging through the shelves and found a bag of chips. As he tried opening it while sitting on the counter, Stewie came in and said, "Brian! Knock it off!"
All he got was Brian who pulled too hard and sent chips flying everywhere as he did it too hard. The two now in a messy kitchen with Stewie closing his eyes to not get crumbs in them.
"This is starting to look like a break in now." Achilles rubbed his head while giggling a bit.
"I say. This might make for a comedy." Shakespear agrees with the assessment.
"Two Santas messing up. Hehe. Kinda like ours." Cu laughs while ignoring the Santa Servants glares. What, it was true.
"Aw man." Brian moans while holding the torn chip bag and looking at the messy floor.
"You jackass!" Stewie finally lost it at his friend's carelessness.
Atalanta quickly covered Medea (Lily)'s ears.
"Man. That quite the rough language. Not that I blame the kid." Cu says. "Though he is a bit uptight. I mean, even Santa can enjoy the little things offered to him."
"Maybe. But that doesn't excuse the dog for going through private property." EMIYA Archer points out.
"It is rude." Arturia is with EMIYA Archer.
"Yeah, but the kid doesn't have to be mean about it." Billy the Kid says.
"He's just doing his best." Atalanta then calls the cowboy out.
"I think the real problem is that all this shouting will cause problems." Mash says as she gets a bad feeling now.
Cue the word, suddenly the lights turn on.
"Oh God." Jeanne started praying for these two now. Because this certainly isn't gonna end well now.
The two Santas quickly turned and saw a man looking right at them. It was a grown Shirou Emiya who said, "Hey, who the hell are you?"
"!" EMIYA Archer is utterly surprised, along with whoever else knew him like his alternative sisters and his Servant parents. Where Cu himself then chuckled darkly.
"Oh. This is gonna be good."
Brian stares dumbly and got out a, 'Uh, hello."
Shirou, in his sleepwear, just glares at them. "What are you doing in my house?"
"We're Santa Clause...ses." Stewie just says. The costumes give it away.
"Yeah, you're Santa Claus, that's why you broke the window.' Shroi glares at them while pointing at the broken window. He then moved to the phone and pushed the buttons while telling them. "I'm calling the cops!"
"No. No! No!" Brian then walks up to him, a nervous wreck. Trying to get Shirou to stop before he called the cops and sent them to jail. "I-I-we can explain. We-we-we came down the chimney, but we-we forgot the presents. Hehe. It's actually, it's a funny story."
Shirou just sat at the dog, unamused.
Whack!
Then Stewie came in and used the bat he got from somewhere to assault the poor man. The first strike broke the phone first and hit Shirou in the face with blood spilling on the walls. Then hit him again to knock him out cold. He hit him so hard, blood was spilled all over with the poor man (and evidently normal human in this timeline) to be a bleeding mess. His blood spilling all over the place and some on Brian.
"Oh my gosh!" Arturia screams as she sees the alternative timeline of her Master get beaten up.
"Hahahaha!" Cu just laughs joyfully. "Now this is a Christmas gift."
"Like hell it is!" Chloe glares hatefully at the Lancer with Illya and Miyu whimpering at seeing their alternative brother bleeding now. Clearly he was a normal human in this world.
"I can't believe it." Arturia Santa (Alter) glares angrily at the screen.
"What. What is it?" Astolfo asks.
"They beat up an innocent man." The Santa Alter says.
"You do realize all you Santa Servants beat up whoever you meet." The voice amusingly said. "The difference is your opponents can't handle it. But had you picked a fight with a human, well, hehehe, that's the result."
"So bloody." Guadako just whimpers.
"I...A kid...why did he…" Atalanta just stared emptily as she saw an innocent child brutalize some loser. To surprised that a child would do such a thing. A human child anyway, as Nursery Rhyme, Jack, and other child Servants can kill people, not that it was important right now.
"Just what kind of life-style did that kid live in." Ritsuka asks nobody in particular. Meanwhile, the write Servants starred in surprise at the sudden twist.
"The getting caught was so obvious," Hans then looked at the bloody man. "Though even I didn't expect the kid to be the one to do that."
"Something tells me this is dark humor." Shakespear realizes.
"What the hell did you do!?" Brian cries out in shock.
"He was going to call the cops man!" Stewie reminds him of what Shirou had been about to do. "He can't call the cops on Santa! Now help me move this guy's body."
Soon enough the two were dragging Shirou across the room, his blood leaving behind a rather nasty trail. Stewie opening the door to a closest where they then began stuffing him in it. Brian had a rather uneasy look doing this, but Stewie didn't care. The two then looked at their joint effort of the poor man just stuck in the closet.
Though just before they could close it, the beaten Shirou opened his eyes in pain and moaned a bit.
"Uh! He's still alive!" Stewie then quickly bashes Shirou's head four times and loudly until he was certain the dude was knocked out.
"..." EMIYA Archer hated his past self. Yet just this once, he felt pity for the other version of him. The rest of the Emiya family feeling no better, seeing their brother/son getting so harshly hurt by a kid and his pet dog.
"Alright, tie him up," Stewie orders. "I'm gonna make it look like a burglary." Then without hesitation, Stewie went to a slide table and flipped it over while spilling the contents.
Meanwhile Brian was reluctantly doing as he's told. Tying the poor dude up with a guilt face. "Alright, look, l-let's just go." He didn't want to be here any longer, and neither did Stewie.
"Right. Right. We'll go. I'm just gonna re-wrap this bat for...Ritsuka. I'm just gonna clean his father's blood and hair off it."
"Wait...dad…" Guadko looks at EMIYA Archer, as now she knew he was actually Shirou Emiya because of the other worlds. The man in question now looks uncomfortable.
"Daddy."
"Oh no." Which was about to get worse.
"I want a glass of water." The two Santas then widen their eyes as Stewie then says one word that seems appropriate for this situation.
"%^&*(" One that was so bad, the cast couldn't even hear it right.
"Yeah, that's about right." Cursed Arm agrees with the word.
Coming down the stairs is a red headed girl who is rubbing her eyes. Stewie and Brian watched with fear as she came down the stairs. Suddenly, Stewie comes out and says, "Heyyy there," In the best friendly manner he can. "How ya doin'?"
"Who are you?" Guadako asks, unsure who they were. But thanks to the fact she's speaking to a boy her age and a dog, she wasn't scared at all.
"I'm Santa." Stewie reveals himself to her.
"You're Santa!" Guadako is now smiling. Fully believing the kid thanks to the fact she's a kid. Just surprised that Santa is here.
"Yeahhhh." Guadako then says, looking uncomfortable, fearing for her other self. "I guess a kid me would believe that."
"Let's hope it stays that way." Saber Gilles is with her. "Because who knows what would happen if the ruse is undone.
"I can't even imagine it." Ritsuka agrees, fearing for his sister.
Just as Brian and Stewie thought they were in the clear, suddenly the girls mother Rin (who's also normal in this timeline) came down and gasped while grabbing her daughter.
"Oh my." Chloe then looks at Ishtar. "Seems someone won at Oni-Chan's affections."
EMIYA Archer did his best not to blush.
"Okay…" Ishtar didn't even look bothered. Instead, she simply asked, "And I should care why?"
"...Oh...Right…" Chloe forgot that Ishtar isn't a Pseudo Servant or anything like that. Just a Goddess with Rin's body and some of her influence. Nothing more than that. As such, she didnt care if her vessel is into Shirou one bit.
"Who are you?" Rin asked fearfully. "Where's Shirou?!" She then looked around fearfully.
"Three...two..one…" Hans counted down.
Then just like that, the closet door opened where the bloody husband of Rin came down. His bloody state not helping matters at all.
Rin gasping with hands flying to her face as she stared in horror. "Oh my God!" She then made a run for it while grabbing her daughter, hoping to at least save her while then calling the ambulance for her husband.
"Ah crap!" Vrian realized they were in trouble now. So with the motivation of fear, Brian tackled Rin down as Guadako fell off her hands and onto a drawer. Rin desperately tries to crawl away until Brian then flips her over and grabs her leg. Rin was still screaming in fear as she tried kicking him. "Quick, Stewie, get the bat!"
"Help!" Rin cried in fear. "Help!"
Stewie comes in and instantly hits the woman in the head with his bat quickly. Unlike her husband she goes down in one hit, and was not as messy as Shirou. Though she did have a bruise on her right cheek.
"Mommy!" Though that's the least of their problems, as Guadako, now crying in fear, screams and hugs her mother while in tears.
"...You know, even if they messed up-a lot-...at least Chaldea Santa Servants didn't do that." Mozart says with many agreeing.
"That poor kid." Achilles feels bad for the alternative of Guadako. "That's definitely gonna give her nightmares."
"I'm more worried what will happen when I come out." Ritsuka says. "I mean, I do live there, right?"
"Who cares!" Guadako says. "I'm the one at their mercy!"
"I'm sure they won't harm you Master." Chiron says. "I mean, at the end these two surly won't resort to child murder."
'If only they knew.' The voice thought.
"It's okay. KIt's okay." Stewie says in a calm manner as best he could. Not wanting to frighten the child any further. "Brian! See if you could find some duct tape!" He then shouts at his friend who was now a panicked mess.
"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!" The dog just says as he tried finding what he needed, throwing the useless stuff away. Eventually he found what he needed, and just in time.
"Mommy!" The girl was getting too loud. "Mama!"
Brain threw the duct tape at Stewie who used it as best he could. Taping the poor girl's mouth and then the rest of the body to restrain her. In seconds the girl could neither move or speak.
Once he was done, Stewie just said one thing. 'Alright, let's get this place cleaned up."
"Well this is amusing." Moriarty chuckles.
"I'll say." Beowulf laughs.
"How can you be laughing at this?" Illya asked the two Servants.
"Because it's dark humor." Hans answered for her. "It's sad, but humanity has learned to laugh at others pain." The worst part is, Illya did. The only difference is she isn't laughing at some random strangers pain, but her alternative brother and his wife.
It took time, but eventually Brian and Stewie managed to scrub and clean the living room and all evidence they made with rage and a mop. The blood, the chips, all of it. Both Shirou and Rin knocked out and taped completely unmoving. Guadako on the other hand is taped to a chair as she could only watch, traumatized by all this and stayed silent as best she could.
"Alright," Stewie says as he observes their handy job, dropping the rag. "That's the last of the blood. Go check on the other kid."
"What other kid?" Brian asked as Guadako was the only one here.
"Ritsuka. The one who's getting the bat." Stewie reminds him.
"You know," Guadako looks at her brother. "I'm surprised you haven't been seen yet."
"It's true." Mash also realizes. "You'd think you'd wake up after all that noise."
"Maybe I'm just a deep sleeper." Ritsuka thinks.
Brian quickly leaves to check it out. Going upstairs to expect a room where the boy is sleeping. Though soon enough, trouble occurs when Brain yells out, "Stewie, there's only one bedroom up here."
"What?" Stewie is confused.
"Oh dear." Holmes quickly came to the proper conclusion thanks to his detective skills.
"What is it?" Arturia (Lily) looks at the detective.
"Let's just say a great surprise is about to happen." Not the good kind either.
Stewie then looks at the girl and asked the simple question. "Do you have a brother?" The girl shakes her head for no. At that moment, Stewie realized what was up. It wasn't good either. "Well then who the hell is Ri-...Oh my God, we're in the wrong house."
"You've gotta be kidding me." Illya couldn't believe it. This means they beat up her brother for nothing.
"Wait. I'm not her brother here?" Ritsuka asked.
"Nope." The voice confirms. "In some realities, you and you're sis aren't even related. Heck, the other sometimes doesn't even exist."
"Well clearly he does in that realm." Da Vinci then sighs. "Just not in that house."
"All that spilled blood...for nothing." Medea says.
Assault. Breaking and entering. Beating someone up. Traumatizing the entire family. These two were supposed to spread cheer and joy, and ultimately it was all for nothing. Dark humor indeed, as some of the Servants like Merlin were even laughing. Talk about a crummy Christmas.
The Santa Servants themselves feeling bad for Brian and Stewie. Sure they didn't do their jobs...entirely perfect. But at least by the end of the day, everyone had a smile. Hear, this reality spoke otherwise.
At that moment, the cops could be heard. It would seem someone heard all the commotion after all. "Damn it, we tripped the alarm!" Stewie cursed. "Brian, the cops are coming, let's go!"
"What?" Brian calls him out. "We're just leaving like this!" He then points to the sad family. What about not wanting to ruin Christmas?"
"It's already ruined! This was one house, we've been here for an hour and a half. And hour and a-first of all, we're not even Santa anymore, this has been a home invasion-but an hour and a half Biran!" Stewie tells Brian the situation they are in. "It's going to be light in six hours, and we have to deliver to the whole rest world." Stewie lets out a breath and then tells Brian the even worse news. "There's two apartment buildings on this block alone!"
"No wonder Santa lost his mind." Brian finally admits to the horrible situation they're in. If it took them this long for one, then what about the entire globe. "This is ridiculous! We can't do this!"
"Nobody can!" Stewie screams. "It's inhuman!"
"...Makes you realize just how tough the actual Santa is-if he's real-for doing this." Cu calmly says.
"...We only delivered gifts to Chaldea." Jeanne (Lily) looks down. "And only to some Servants."
"Santa must be a Grand Rider. If he's a Servant" Ritsuka says with awe.
"Definitely." Guadako nods.
"Alright, come on. Let's get out of here." In full agreement, Biran and Stewie quickly began leaving the crime scene. Opening the front door, both got in the sled, then Brian looked and remembered the reindeer. Or what was left of them as they were now skeletons. "Uh, what about the reindeer?"
"To hell with the reindeer." Stewie tells his dog. "They're all dead anyway. Besides, we don't need the reindeer anyway." As the sirens got closer, Stewie pushed a button on the sled and suddenly the sleigh transformed itself and gained boosters and wings. Once it was done, the two then flew off just as the cops arrived.
A very...poor Chrstmas this one is.
"...I can agree with that." Saint Martha says. "Hey. What happened to the real Santa?"
"Yeah, what happened to the dude." Achilles is also curious.
"True enough." Holmes also wants an answer to it. "Surely there must be a reason why Santa couldn't deliver the gifts this year."
"He was super overworked there alongside his elves." The voice decided to not mention the elves interbreeding and the icky stuff like that. "Thankfully, the two you saw there, while failing in saving Christmas that year, saved it the next year. So everything worked out overall."
"That's nice." Mash says.
"Overworked huh." Ritsuka then summons the list of Christmas gifts he wanted this year. Since the Santa Servants failed every year to get him his gifts for the past four years, the list got a bit long...Maybe he should shorten it.
"So all's well that ends well." Holmes chuckles. "I suppose a good way to end it."
"More or less.' The voice gives a non-existent shrug. "Santa nearly died, but thanks to those two, he and his elves became better than ever. In any case, I'll be right back soon." The voice then said as he vanished away. "I got me some presents to unwrap."
Merry Christmas.