I think I have my first scene this chapter where Lily isn't physically in it :O

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. Art work by the awesome Meg (tumblr: anxiouspineapples)

She Doesn't Know

December, 6th Year

Lily couldn't remember getting herself back to Gryffindor Tower, but somehow she had.

She hadn't been exaggerating with Snape — he'd put her in the most precarious situation of her life. People didn't just get to deny Lord Voldemort — you either acquiesced, or you died. It was that simple. Lily was a walking dead woman.

Petunia. Now Lily worried if they'd go after her sister. Isn't that what bad guys always do? Go after family? Petunia was the only family she had left. The only good news there was even Lily had no idea where Tuney was. Rick and Mag had kicked her out of the apartment on her 18th birthday and had given Lily no forwarding address, 'so quit asking.' Suddenly Lily was overcome with relief that her sister disliked her as much as she did — maybe it would keep her safe.

"Lily, you all right?" Marlene asked from her armchair in the common room next to Hestia and Dorcas as Lily ambled through. The Marauders were no where to be found, not that she was looking for a certain face to cheer her up or anything.

"Yeah," she mumbled.

"You sure?"

She looked at her friend who was surveying her with such concern. "Yes," she said a little more confidently. "Goodnight." She smiled through her pain. This was her burden to bear, and hers alone.

Luckily for Lily (even if for no one else) her best distraction soon descended upon Hogwarts: studying for finals. With that, volunteering for Poppy, and catching Dorcas up in Potions, Lily barely had a lick of free time to breathe, let alone ponder Snape's ominous warning. Now everyone looked just about as miserable as she felt and there were no more questions of 'what's wrong?' slung her way... except for in James' eyes. She could tell he was asking that very question every time he looked at her, clearly worried about her.

"Marlene?" Lily asked hopefully at breakfast one day. Christmas break was fast approaching, and the closer it got, the more she realized she didn't want to spend it alone in the castle as she had originally planned.

"Yes, Lily?" Marlene answered hesitantly, knowing a favor was about to be asked of her.

"What are you doing this holiday?"

"Oh, I'm going to the Potters. My parents always go south of the equator for winter. Hate the weather, blah blah," she waved her hand. "You?"

Crap. Lily pushed her hair back. "I'm staying here." She put on a fake smile. From the corner of her eye, she could see Sirius watching the exchange.

"Oh." Marlene's shoulders slouched a bit. "Would you like me to stay?" Her face lit up. "Or we could ask James if you could join at his place? I'm sure he won't mind. I mean, his house has like ten spare rooms—"

"Oh no, that's okay. I told McGonagall I was staying in the castle already. Imagine the paperwork she'd have to do now if I changed my mind," she joked weakly. There was no chance in the world she was going to force her way to James' place for Christmas. None. Nada. Zilch. They finally seemed to be in a decent place in their 'relationship' and she most certainly didn't want to jeopardize that. They were laughing with one another, talking like civilized human beings, hell, they even had a bloody inside joke now! Things were good — at least, good enough for Lily. Besides, isn't asking a fuck buddy if you can go to their home for Christmas super desperate? I mean, it's CHRISTMAS. Some would argue it's the most romantic holiday of the year! Lily had her mind firmly made up: there was no way she was stepping foot in his house, so why even bother thinking about that (wonderful, whimsical, miraculous… fuck, shut up, it's never gonna happen!) scenario for even a second longer.

"Come to mine," James said as he sunk into the seat next to Lily in Transfiguration class.

"Pardon?" Lily asked, blushing slightly as she looked to him. She wondered just when she'd be able to conquer this truly damning inflection — it told people everything.

"Padfoot told me you were looking for somewhere to go over Christmas. Come to my place," he stated obviously.

Lily scanned the room, finding Sirius' pretty face easily. He shot her a huge grin. Nosy cad. "That's okay, Potter, I'll just stay here—"

"Oh come on, Evans! It's Christmas! No one wants to be alone on Christmas."

Lily looked at his eager face, chewing her lip. It was true…

He could tell he was making headway. "We have the space! Besides, Marlene will be there, Sirius too. Remus and Peter visit so often that it's almost like they're staying there anyway…"

"Won't your father mind? That's a lot of us," Lily questioned. Us. When had she started to view their friend group as a unit? It felt nice.

James' face dropped infinitesimally. "He won't."

Lily considered his offer. He made it sound so appealing, almost like it was no big deal. Hadn't she just been thinking that them, barely supervised (oh my god) for three weeks, would be a recipe for disaster? But the idea sounds so much better coming from his lips... Lily chastised herself and begged her brain to do the decision-making, not her knickers.

James grabbed her knees and swung them over the side of her chair towards him so he could hug them with his own. He rocked their legs back and forth. "Come on… you know you want to!" He smiled so wide his dimple showed. "I'll even let you have your own bed. At least some nights. If you want."

Lily rolled her eyes, glad she wasn't the only one thinking of all the naughty implications of this proposal. "How very generous of you."

"Right?" James stretched back, Lily's legs still pined between his as he ruffled his hair. Lily watched as his shirt rode up slightly. Bastard knows what he's doing. "I'm maturing. So kind of you to notice."

Lily shook her head at him, smiling like an absolute fool. He leaned back in. "So?"

She looked down to her hands in her lap and then back up to him through thick lashes. "I'll think about it."

His smile could smother her. In that moment, her mind chose just where she'd be spending Christmas — or was it her heart? "That's all I ask."

She was truly so sucked into this moment with him, staring at his lips, that she jumped in her chair a good few centimeters when Adam spoke to her. "Hey do you — oh sorry." He actually looked slightly mortified to have interrupted something when he saw Lily scrambling to face forward. "I was just wondering if you wanted to do the test review together?"

"Yes, of course," she squeaked two octaves too high. She didn't look back to James as she joined Adam.

Throughout class, it looked like there was something on the tip of Adam's tongue. She had the feeling she wouldn't like whatever it was and was selfishly thankful he didn't seem to be able to work up the courage to bring it up.

"You coming?" he asked when McGonagall dismissed them an hour later.

"I have to speak to the professor for a bit."

"Oh? About what?" he asked curiously.

"Just the holidays." She gave him a small smile. "I'll catch up with you, go on."

He seemed reluctant to leave her. "You sure you don't want me to wait?"

"Go," she laughed. Her face fell the second he turned around to leave. Yup. That was one conversation she sure as hell didn't want to have. What will I even say?

"Miss Evans, shouldn't you be heading to your next class?" McGonagall asked sternly.

Lily turned to face the esteemed witch. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about the holiday break. I won't be staying in the castle after all." Lily couldn't help the excited little bounce she did to her toes.

"Oh?"

"Yes, I found a family to stay with."

"Whose?"

Oh god. Lily hadn't thought about this part. Holy shite, this is awkward. Was she basically outing them as together, (or at the very least doing it), to a teacher? Lily nearly shuddered. She was talking to the very same teacher who had found them in a broom closet not too long ago and had somehow thought nothing of it. Could she go back and give them more detentions, months later, now that she had cottoned on to what they had really been doing in there? "Well, my good friend Marlene," great start, focus on that part please, "is staying at the Potters, so I've been invited too."

McGonagall contemplated for a terse moment. "The Potters… hm." She looked back to Lily. "That might do. I will run it by Dumbledore."

Dumbledore?! Since when does the Headmaster need to approve holiday stays? Is this the norm when you go to a home that isn't your own? "Thank you, Professor."

It seemed as though Adam had worked up the nerve to have their awkward conversation by Herbology and it was just as bad as Lily feared it would be. She wondered if it was always this hot in class, or if the sun was especially radiant and being magnified extra hard by the glass roof today.

"Can I ask you something?" Adam glanced at her from his stool sheepishly.

"Sure." Lily occupied herself by diving into her bag for a quill.

"Is there something going on between you and Potter?"

Lily took a deep breath, putting her bag down. His eyes were piercingly blue and it stung. He was looking at her, so scared and sweet, and it was breaking her heart. He didn't deserve to have to deal with her, but he deserved the truth. "Yeah. It's complicated," she confessed.

He nodded and looked down to his lap embarrassed. "Gotcha."

Fuck. She felt so guilty. She reached for his hand, trying to think of what she could possibly say. Everything sounded woefully inadequate or just plain insulting. She wanted to tell him she cared for him, a lot, but that sounded so condescending. She wanted to say that she wasn't in the place for a relationship, but she couldn't use the very same line James had used on her last year. She wanted to say how much his friendship meant to her… but she knew the words would fall flat. And telling him that if it weren't for James, she would probably be throwing herself at him just seemed cruel.

Luckily, he did the hard work for her. He squeezed her hand back, shooting her a forced smile. "But we can still be friends?"

My Merlin, she 100% did not deserve this man. The rush of gratitude she felt for him had her throwing her arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly. While his smile had clearly been fake, his chuckles were not. "I'll take that as a yes?"

"That's a fuck yes."

Lily quickly thought about how she'd feel in this situation if the roles were reversed. Would she have been able to be this big of a person? She supposed that she had fallen for a friend herself last year, but that seemed different. She and James had been a slow burn; and by the end, she knew they were both feeling the heat. However, as soon as it had become apparent that James didn't feel the same way back anymore (or so she'd thought at the time), she'd needed a clean break. He'd asked her to be friends still and she couldn't do it. She had cut him out completely. But Remus was able to do it. Remus fancied you but was perfectly fine with being your friend instead… Am I just not as good of a person as these guys? Obviously she very much still wanted Adam's friendship, but she hoped that he wouldn't hold onto any lingering feelings that would make hanging out with her uncomfortable for him. Fuck, you sound just as self-absorbed as James right now, assuming that no one would ever be able to get over you — even if it turned out to be true for him (at least about her). Lily hoped that her own obsessive, long-term crushes weren't the norm for everybody else.

"Ah! A rat, a rat!" a Hufflepuff girl screeched pointing to Adam's feet, where there was indeed a plump rat, scurrying between his stool legs and rushing under their workspace.

Adam grabbed for his wand, but a second later, Sirius had sprinted forward. "It's all good! I'll handle it!" He bent down and picked the rodent up by the tail, making several classmates yelp and move away. "Let's bring you outside, shall we buddy?"

Lily didn't miss the significant look Sirius threw to James, who looked… ashamed? Apologetic? Well that can't be right. How could James possibly be responsible for a rat… Okay, scratch that, WHY would James conjure up a rat?

The look was gone when James locked eyes with Lily later in Care of Magical Creatures class, biting his lower lip and looking awfully happy with himself.

She hoped he'd tell her what was on his mind tonight.

"Do we really think it wise, Albus? She's safe here. We can protect her in the castle," McGonagall said anxiously, alone with the Headmaster in his office. All the tinkering whirls and bells of his little instruments were doing very little to calm her nervous pondering.

"Yes, Minerva. I think it will be all right. I will contact Fleamont and set up the wards on Potter manor myself. They will use my Floo to go directly home. Miss Evans will be almost as safe there as she is here. Maybe even more so considering no one will suspect her whereabouts." He paced around the room, picking up trinkets here and there only to set them down randomly somewhere else.

McGonagall knew he was a genius, but sometimes she still couldn't decode the method to his madness. "Should we not tell the girl?"

"Ah, I think not." Dumbledore finally stilled by his window, overlooking the grounds. A light flurry of snow had just begun. "We don't know how much faith Tom puts in prophecies… he could very well view them as beneath him. And forgive an old man for holding onto the hope that Riya's prediction never reaches his ears."

McGonagall let out a labored breath, not liking anything about this at all. She had always thought Divination was a fraudulent branch of magic; how dare it be causing them this much stress now? "The prophecy doesn't even make sense! How are Lily Evans and Frank Longbottom related? Isn't he engaged to Alice Fortescue? I'm not sure that the pair has ever even properly met besides just passing in the halls years ago!"

"Yes," Dumbledore said simply, still lost in his own thoughts.

"Well," McGonagall pushed on, "how are two young people expected to defeat You-Know-Who by themselves?"

"No one ever said they had to do it alone, Minerva."

McGonagall bristled. She absolutely hated knowing that there was nothing she could do to help one of her favorite students (not that she'd ever admit to having favorites). "She's a smart witch. She'll know something is wrong."

"Ah, yes. I don't doubt that she will." Dumbledore clasped his hands behind his back. "But let us do her the favor of delaying the truth if only for a little while. After all, being at least half responsible for bringing down Voldemort is a lot for anyone to handle." His blue eyes sparkled behind his half-moon glasses. "Especially before Christmas."

Next Chapter: Bang Bang, He Shot Me Down