"Let me get this straight." Tsunade holds up her hand.
She then points to Zetsu.
"You are an over hundred old person-tree-plant-thingy-with-two-personalities and you manipulated THE Uchiha Madara to prepare for taking over the world.
Then he dies and you decided to manipulate a Genin that was on the verge of death, gave him false hope of creating a new world because reality was fake, scarred him by getting his best friend to kill his crush and then proceeded to get him to kill millions of innocents just for the fake world but that wasn't your goal and you just wanted you mother back.
Then you infiltrated the Akatsuki and brainwashed Pein to gather a whole bunch of S-rank criminals into also taking over the world for you.
You also say your mother is the first person to get chakra, Kaguya. But then in the middle of all your well planned out game, a blonde, ramen-loving idiot barged into your lives and broke the spell of whatever was brainwashing Uchiha Obito of creating a fake world and made you doubt the fact you, Zetsu, wanted to wipe humanity of its existence.
Tell me again how you thought that was a good idea?" Tsunade rubs her forehead as she points at Zetsu.
"Well when you put it that way... It sounds stupid." Zetsu pouts.
"Yes. Insanely so." Tsunade sighs.
"Wow Tsu. You're ancient." Naruto snickers.
"Watch it Sunshine." Tsu glares at Naruto.
Naruto 'eep's and runs behind his dad again.
"Dad!" He yells in a not very manly voice.
"Okay so we're just going to ignore the fact that these S-rank criminals had just tried to take over the world?" Tsunade twitches in slight annoyance.
"Umm... Yes?" Naruto blinks. "Technically it wasn't Tobi's or Uncle Carrots fault."
"Yes but it's your precious 'Tsu's fault." Tsunade reminds him.
Naruto pouts.
"Are you sure he's alright upstairs?" Tsunade asks tapping her head, trying to get the question across.
"Of course he isn't. Who would be sane in the life of a Shinobi, even more so when he witnessed how his mother got sealed up, apparently forever." Naruto replies with a scoff.
"Now I'm wondering if you're alright upstairs."
"Now that's just mean." Naruto anime cries.
Tsunade sighs and turns to Pein.
"When do you think the other members are going to be here?" Tsunade asks.
"In a few minutes or so." Pein replies.
"What?! But I thought it would take them a few hours." Naruto pouts.
"You clearly underestimated the Akatsuki Fishcake." Pein pokes Naruto's cheek.
"But nearly everyone's here already right?" Naruto whines.
"Kisame and Konan." Pein sighs.
"Well I doubt Same will get here in a few minutes. Kon can fly so I don't doubt her. But Same's just a fishy." Naruto puffs his cheeks out.
"What was that you brat?!" A loud voice was heard below in the crowd.
"Same?!" Naruto yells in shock as he leans over the rail.
"Woah! Naruto! Be careful!" Itachi grabs Naruto's waist and pulls him close to his chest.
"Daaaad~ I'm not a baby~" Naruto frowns.
"You are to me." Every Akatsuki member says. At. The. Same. Time. How do they do that?
Naruto makes a disbelieving noise before professionally imitating a fish.
Kisame jumps up and out of the crowd, landing on the rail just in front of Naruto.
"Now. What was that about me being a little fishy, Shrimp?" Same asks, placing a hand on Samehada's hilt.
"Samehada ain't gonna attack me and you know it." Naruto grins smugly.
Hearing his name, Samehada peeks over the head of his wielder and jumps up and down in joy as it spots Naruto.
Naruto coos at the sword and hugs it in greeting.
"Since when did Naruto get so close with Samehada?" Itachi asks.
"Ohh yeah. You weren't there at the time. You were out on a mission with Deidara." Hidan clicks.
Same visibly pales.
"No! Oh no no no no no! I thought we agreed to never speak of that again!" Kisame yells.
"Did we? I don't think I ever replied." Hidan smirks evilly.
"What?" Naruto asks.
"N-Nothing Shrimp!" Kisame laughs nervously.
"Oh! Was it that time when I had just arrived and you decided to use me as-" Naruto's mouth gets covered by Kisame's hand.
"Someone. Explain." Deidara smiles, however the aura he was emitting wasn't as calm as his smiles and everyone knows when Deidara smiles like that then you are in a hell of a lot of trouble.
"No well... you see..." Kisame twitches in panic.
"Come come! Sit down! I'll tell you!" Hidan laughs and somehow gets the ANBU's to trap Kisame so he wouldn't be able to speak, talk or move.
"Well see... this happened after I had softened up for my poor little Chibi." Hidan ruffles Naruto's hair.
"I don't see what the danger was. I was just standing there." Naruto raises an eyebrow.
"Hush Chibi. I'm telling the story."
Flashback.
Hidan whistles a tune as he walks towards the Akatsuki's training grounds.
"Now all I need you to do is to stand still right over there." Hidan hears Kisame say to Naruto.
"Den wha'? 's it gunna be fun?" Naruto asks obliviously.
"Yep! We're going to have a lot of fun!" Kisame grins and grabs Samehada by the hilt.
"What the hell are you doing?!" Hidan yells in panic.
"What? You know exactly what I was going to do. It's better if we kill the kid now." Kisame whispers harshly to Hidan.
"Why the hell would you do that?!" Hidan yells.
"Don't tell me you got soft." Kisame rolls his eyes.
"Soft isn't the word I would use." Hidan hisses.
"Whatever." Kisame says as he throws Samehada towards the unsuspecting baby Naruto.
Naruto has been looking around at the ground because he thought he saw something shiny and so he squats down and picks up the shiny thing just as Samehada flew above him.
"Are you crazy?!" Hidan yells and punches Kisame.
"No! You're crazy! Why let him live!" Kisame yells back as he throws a punch back at Hidan.
Pretty soon they got into a full out fist fight.
Samehada crawled towards Naruto and looks at the toddler with a questioning noise.
Naruto giggles and shows the sword a piece of a Katana.
"Wook Sa'ehada! It pwetty!" Naruto grins.
Samehada makes an agreeing sound before looking at the 2 adult men fighting like cats.
"Wanna stop dem?" Naruto asks.
Samehada licks Naruto's cheek (also getting a lick of his Chaka, Naruto knew but said nothing.) in affirmative.
"Awwwight!" Naruto grins and grabs hold of Samehada's hilt.
Said sword was already agreeing with the mind of his favourite toddler in excitement.
Naruto rushes forward, Samehada in hand and lunges at the two.
"Stwop!" Naruto yells and swings down, Samehada hitting the ground with the force of a meteor, creating a gigantic crater in between the two arguing men.
Said men were astounded by the toddler.
"H-He's so strong... what the ****?!" Hidan swears.
"H-He can wield Samehada?! Wait... Samehada allows a puny toddler to carry him?!" Kisame gapes.
"Now. Lwets have fun!" Naruto grins.
It's certain to say, the training grounds were never quite the same.
After that, Naruto had a few injuries but none too dramatic.
"Oh crap." Kisame says.
Kisame and Hidan were sitting at the table in the kitchen, tending to Naruto's injuries.
"What?" Hidan asks.
"Itachi and Deidara are going to be back soon and they aren't going to like the fact we let Naruto even go near a sword. Much less Samehada."
"Well shit." Hidan shrugs.
"Easy for you to say! You're immortal! Let's agree to never speak of this again!" Kisame nods just as Itachi and Deidara walked in.
Naruto had finished healing just as they had walked in.
"W-Welcome back." Kisame strains a smile.
Hidan scoffs and Naruto runs up to his daddy.
"Daddy! I had so much fun today!" Naruto whoops.
"That can wait for another day. Would you like to rest for now?" Kisame asks hastily.
Flashback end.
Itachi and Deidara crack there knuckles and turn towards Kisame smiling ever so sweetly.
Kisame's tears gathered in his eyes.
"MPGMHOHMMMMMMMM!"