10 Weeks Pregnant
It's almost 6 o'clock when Jo hears a knock at the door. Sighing as she places Mia down on the ground, they'd been having a Disney dance party at the time, Jo feeling the stress of the day fall away as she swung Mia around in circles. Hearing her little voice sing along to the Princess & the Frog made her heart swell.
Her day had not improved since her meltdown in the cafeteria, she'd avoided Alex for the rest of the day which was why she was surprised to find Alex standing at her door. His hood up over his head as he crouched under her porch out of the rain, his hand clutching at a grocery bag that he'd extended out to her as she opened the door.
"What is this?"
"A peace offering."
She sighs, standing to the side nodding for him to come in. The sight of him shivering in the rain looking like a lost puppy seeming to get to her. She owed him an apology, she knew that much.
He clears his throat, immediately going into a speech that sounded pretty well planned to Jo. "I know it's all a mess and there's a lot of hurt and I'm not expecting this to be easy but we are doing this. We are having a baby and so I want to do everything I can to help you, I know it's hard to trust me but.."
"Do you?" Jo interrupts him, her eyes focusing in on the raindrops dripping on to her hardwood floors. She didn't remember giving him her address but she knew he wouldn't have had to go far to find it. She'd been planning an apology in her mind, she'd find him tomorrow apologising for things she'd said because she wasn't the type of person to hurt someone just because they'd hurt her. "Do you know it's hard Alex? Do you know how excruciatingly painful it is just to look at you?"
Jo sighs, lowering her voice as she looks down the hall, glancing to where Mia was currently twirling around in circles, her arms out wide as she sings to herself. She really didn't want her to pick up on any of the obvious tensions going on here.
"Yeah, I do know how that feels. I feel that pain, when I look at you when I see what I turned our relationship into" His voice, falters as he follows her gaze down the hall, a slight smile gracing his face as he caught sight of Mia, the tiny toddler dressed up in a bumblebee costume."...it hurts okay. You think this doesn't hurt me?"
Jo turns her gaze back to Alex, they're leaning on opposite walls just staring at each other. "No...I don't know if you're hurting because you've never told me how you're feeling." She mutters pressing her lips together in a thin line. "Look I'm sorry about earlier it's...hormones."
Alex let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head, as he shoved his hands in his pockets. "Yeah I'm sure it was just hormones…and nothing to do with me personally."
Jo nods, the corners of her lips turning up, an involuntary reaction to his grinning face. "Maybe it's not just hormones… I know I've moved on, I remarried and had a baby but I guess there's still a lot of hurt there for me."
"It's okay hey I've had a lot worse said to me and God knows I deserve it." Alex shrugs, the smile slowly fading away as his voice turned more serious. "I'm not under the impression that what I did, didn't hurt you, Jo, I know I hurt you and I hate myself more than you will ever know for that but I can't change it so if you wanna yell and scream sometimes and tell me I'm an asshole then I can take it."
"I don't wanna yell and scream and call you an asshole Alex...well not all the time and definitely not when we have this baby."
Her hand's grace across the tiny bump evident now she was dressed in leggings and a tight t-shirt, he hadn't been able to see it in her scrubs but now it was clear, the tiny protrusion, a sign that they really were having a baby that would be here before they knew it.
"So…"
"Call it even...for now anyway, let's just pretend it didn't happen."
"Sounds good to me, I don't know about the rest of the hospital that heard you loudly exclaim you were pregnant though,"
"Oh, shit" Jo groans gently hitting her head against the wall.
Alex is about to reach out for her, tell it's not gonna be that bad, that they've faced worse than hospital gossip and the most important thing is that they're okay when the tiny pitter-patter of feet comes running down the hallway. Mia appears dressed in her bumblebee costume with a matching tutu and wings that seem permanently attached to her back flapping about as she crashes into Jo's knees.
"Hi." She mumbles shyly noting Alex's presence as she peers up at him.
Alex grins as Jo ruffles her hair softly as he bends down to greet her. "Hi, Mia. You're looking a lot better."
"Mhmm, she is...Mia, do you remember Dr Alex? He helped you feel better a few weeks ago."
Mia shakes her head, an adorable frown forming on her face as she looks up at Jo. Alex resists the urge to laugh as she hides closer into Jo's body.
"No...well that's okay but I did hear from a little buddy of mine that you like ice cream…" Alex grins opening the grocery bag in his hand to reveal three different tubs of ice cream, this time he does laugh as he watches Mia's eyes widen letting go of Jo almost immediately.
"So this is your peace offering?" Jo mutters bending down behind Mia to help her pull the tubs of ice cream out.
"Mhmm" Alex nods trying to refrain from laughing at the matching looks on Jo and Mia's face as they gazed at the ice cream.
Jo narrows her eyes at him as she stands. "Fine you can come in but only because I want the ice cream."
Alex grins shrugging out of his jacket, he wasn't gonna give her the option to change her mind. "Oh no, you've got soup...green veg. Gotta keep you fed so you don't hulk out on me again."
"Oh, I can guarantee if you don't give me that ice cream I will." Jo grins back, reaching out for Mia who had wrapped one of the tubs up tightly in her arms and was already heading off towards the kitchen.
"Hmm, Mia why don't we show Dr Alex to the kitchen."
"Come on Dr Awex" Mia's little voice calls as she stops dead in the kitchen doorway looking towards Alex who was still hanging back in the hallway. Jo watched in amazement at her usually shy daughter immediately reached out her hand for Alex's so she could lead him to the kitchen.
"It means no worries…" Alex's gruff voice rang through the house making Mia laugh in delight, one of her tutus thrown over his head, a makeshift lion's mane.
"...for the rest of your days." Jo joins in from the doorway, laughing along with Mia who was perched in Alex's lap.
Mia joins in butchering the words making both the adults laugh harder. "It's our problem-free shifloslulleeee."
"Hakuna Matata!"
"Right I think it's time for bed, Bug," Jo announces from the doorway, bending down just in time to catch Mia as her little bumblebee leapt forward and jumped into her arms.
"You coming too Dr Awex?" She asked her little lip pushed out in a pout as she stared at Alex expectantly from over Jo's shoulder.
Jo just nods as Alex seems to ask for her permission in one look. Following as Jo leads the way up the stairs, Mia staring curiously at Alex as she rests her head against Jo's shoulder.
Alex hangs back as Jo dresses her for bed, brushing her teeth and combing her hair. Alex just watched from the doorway, he was mesmerised as he watched Jo as a mom she was a natural.
"Okay little one into bed you get."
"Oh, so this is where Mr Funny Bunny has been hiding…good to see you again sir." Alex smiles putting on a formal voice as he shakes the bunny's paw dramatically, earning a giggle from Mia who grips the bunny tightly in her arms. Jo shakes her head as Alex turns towards her with a proud smile across his face.
"Say night to Dr Alex now Mia."
Mia mumbles her goodnight and Alex is surprised as the little one hesitantly reaches out wrapping her arms around him. It takes him a moment before he hugs her back.
Mia hums happily, her little face scrunching up into a yawn as Jo lifts her up to her bed. "Give momma some sugar." She whispered, pursing her lips as Mia pressed a quick kiss to her cheek. "And a kiss for dada."
Alex watches as Mia reaches up pressing her lips to a photo he hadn't noticed had been pinned to the corner of her headboard. He steps back slowly, suddenly feeling very out of place in their nighttime routine as Jo begins to tuck her in and Alex analyses the photo. From the look of it, it's a couple of years old, it shows Jo in a hospital bed a tiny newborn baby (clearly Mia) wrapped up in a blanket in her arms while a man leans into the fame, a huge grin spread across his face he holds the camera out in front of him, capturing the image of the new family. Alex pays close attention to the way Jo's eyes are not focused on the camera but rather the man holding it, her eyes lighting up so brightly he can almost hear her laugh at that moment.
He'd been staring at the photo so long he hadn't even noticed Jo had finished tucking Mia in until Jo cleared her throat ushering him out of the room.
"You look like you've seen a ghost." She whispers hesitantly as she tries to shut the door as quietly as possible.
Alex doesn't say anything as he heads down the stairs hearing Jo's feet follow along behind him.
"Alex?"
He's quiet as he reaches the bottom step, the intense look in his eyes making her tummy turn. "Will you tell me about him?" He croaks.
"Who?"
"Your husband."
Jo sighs, the sadness clouding over her eyes almost instantly as she nods leading him towards the kitchen, pouring herself some juice. "Sort of wishing this was a beer."
The corner of his lips turns up as he nods. Taking a seat at the kitchen table watching as Jo begins to tidy up the mess from their ice cream and soup earlier, he fights the urge to get up and help knowing she'd find it easier to talk if she had something to distract herself with.
"What do you want to know?"
"Who was he?"
Jo bites her lip, as she turns her attention to the dishes soaking in the sink.
"His name was Jack...I met him when we were still together or at least I thought…anyway it was before the letter came."
He watches her grip tightens on the sink, hearing her let out a shaky breath before continuing.
"He's a - he was a firefighter. He worked at Station 19 with Warren. I don't know if you remember me saying I'd signed up to be a safe haven volunteer, well the week you left I had a call and I went to the firehouse and that's where we met. I didn't really think much about it or him for that matter for months. I didn't even see him again until I signed up for some stupid online cooking course after quarantine started easing up and I ended up setting fire to the curtains. I couldn't get the stupid fire to stop…."
She drops the dishrag in the sink slowly turning around leaning against the counter. There's a slight smile on her face as she thinks back on the encounter.
"He took great delight in mocking my skills a week later when I bumped into him at Joe's, he offered to buy me a drink and I guess that was it."
Alex watches her eyes gloss over as she talks, he could vaguely remember listening to one of her many voicemails saying she'd been to the firehouse to collect a baby, his mind hadn't been in the greatest of places back then, he certainly hadn't given her the time she had deserved.
"I'd dated a few people before him, a few disasters. I dunno...I was starting to give up. I just didn't think I'd feel anything close to what I felt…"
Her voice falters as she looks up at him, he knows the words that she holds back as she turns back to the sink.
"He was kind. Really kind and he just gave a crap you know? he'd had a pretty rough go of it to like us and I dunno he didn't think the world was doom and gloom...and he was funny, so funny and he was so damn excited for Mia."
The lightness has gone from her voice and he can see her eyes begin to water as she begins to blink back tears taking a seat opposite him no longer feeling steady on her legs. "He would've been great you know...god he was made to be a dad and he was so excited to be one. She doesn't remember him, only the things I tell her and even that's not enough. Sometimes I feel like I'm letting her down like I don't have all the answers." Alex reaches out hesitantly taking the hand she had laid against the table startling Jo who was deep in thought.
"I'm sure that's no true Jo." He smiles reassuringly. "She seems like a really happy kid." Jo nods brushing her hair behind her ears, and Alex is relieved that she doesn't pull her other hand away from his. He was sure the way today had gone she wouldn't let him within five feet of her ever again. "You miss him?"
"All the time."
"How did he die?" He regrets asking the question the second he does, he didn't even think it was possible for her to look any sadder watching as her eyes glazed over. He'd obviously sent her back to a place she didn't wanna be and he could see her retreating back into herself. "You don't have to answer...it's okay Jo, I'm sorry."
"No...I can't right now...but I will one day." She mumbles, gripping his hand tightly. They're getting there, he thinks. Honestly, he wasn't gonna lie and pretend today's encounter in the cafeteria had been easy but it felt like a breakthrough like they are slowly taking down the wall they'd built up between them. They used to be able to understand each other without words and after spending the evening with Jo and Mia Alex knew he'd do anything to get that back.
A good few people guess Mia's dad and if you follow my Twitter it would've been ready because he's the only current option I like. I might be slightly obsessed.
Happy Birthday Ren - I posted five chapters in honour of your birthday. You're welcome.
White Flag - Dido
I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again.