Logan POV
Stupid, stupid Logan! By coming here, I've played right into the asshole's plans. He wants us together. Whatever he has planned requires Veronica to be with me. My mind has no problem supplying potential scenarios. If I had just stayed away, he might have left her alone. He might have been satisfied just hurting me. Or he might have gone after her and you wouldn't have a chance to save her.
Veronica's eyes are wide with confusion. She reaches out a hand towards me, but I take a step back, my knees hitting the bed. "Don't, please." My voice shakes. I can't stand to have her touch me right now. If she touches me, I might not be able to stop myself from pulling her into my arms and reassuring myself that she's okay. The horrors running in a loop are wreaking havoc on me. I want to reassure her, protect her, hold her. Yet I know that she won't accept it, and a part of me is afraid of what I'll do if she rejects me right now. I turn away, resuming packing. Veronica stands silently, watching me. I can feel her gaze burning through the back of my head. I know we said we're partners in this, but I can't seem to find a way to explain this. This is all my fault.
I probably should have expected this. Actions have consequences after all. I should have seen this coming. When I opened the envelope, I realized what I was looking at. The note just emphasized it. He fucking took it as a trophy years ago, and now he's coming to take the rest. I still have nightmares about that night; how close I came to losing her because I had screwed up. I trusted the wrong person, got her involved. Logically, I know that she was already involved, but logic has no place when it comes to my fears and guilt for Veronica.
Veronica is staring at me with undisguised fear. I'm surprised with her quick mind that she hasn't made the connection. He's obviously been here, knew where I was. I have to get her out of here, find some place safe to keep her until we can figure this out. I vaguely wonder if Keith ever found that giant hamster ball he used to talk about. I could use one right now.
"Logan." Her voice is wary, and I'm reminded that we don't know each other anymore. All we have to go on is what we were like nine years ago. The person I was then was a withholding bastard who acted first and thought second. If I want her to trust me to keep her safe, I have to show her who I am now and not fall back into old patterns.
I sit down on the edge of the bed heavily looking up at her through my eyelashes. I take a deep steadying breath.
"I know who it is." I pause waiting for her to accuse me or worse, give me that disappointed look I'm far too familiar with. Instead she remains quiet, her expression calm, encouraging me to continue. I guess I'm not the only one who's changed. "Veronica, it's your hair." My voice comes out as a whisper while I will her to understand.
Her eyes widen, and her mouth opens on a gasp. The envelope in her hand flutters to the floor as she realizes who it is. Her eyes close, a pained expression taking over her face as she sways slightly. I reach out a hand to steady her, but she bats it away.
She stands, eyes closed, lost to her own thoughts and memories for what feels like hours. Finally she opens her eyes and the heat in them is burning.
"Why would he be coming after you?" I was wondering when she'd get there. We never talked about the night she fought off Mercer Hayes, Heart's serial rapist, and my friend. We were broken up at the time, and I was so ashamed that I had let my issues keep me from her when she needed me. Once again I wasn't there, breaking the promise I made her. When she showed up at my room a few days later, talking was the last thing on either of our minds. I was so happy that she was there choosing me when someone wasn't actively trying to hurt her. I probably should have told her what I did, but I didn't want to screw things up and then, well, the whole thing with Madison came out and it was over anyway.
"I.." I struggle to speak, stuttering. I take a deep breath, preparing for the blow when she finally learns what I did. "After Mercer was arrested, I took a baseball bat to a cop car."
Her eyes widened in shock. "Why?"
"I wanted to get at him. It was the only way I could think of to touch him while he was in jail." I shrug, not wanting to tell her what I did once they arrested me. Lamb knew what was going to happen when he put me in that cell with Mercer and his lackey. I did what I thought was right, and since I was released a few hours later with a $500 fine, that was the end of it.
"Logan, what did you do?" The words send shivers up my spine. I know how this goes. It starts with 'Logan, what did you do' and ends with 'you're out of my life forever'. My entire body recoils at the thought. I just got her back, even if it's just for a short time, she's here in front of me. Closing my eyes so I can't see the disappointment in her eyes, I cover my face with my hands and hang my head. She's going to send me away. I'm going to be banished again, only this time I'll know that she's in danger and there's nothing I can do. My body trembles with barely contained anguish.
I feel her sit beside me, but I remain hunched over. She gently pulls my hands away from my face. I don't resist, but I keep my eyes closed. I'm an ostrich, if I can't see the bad thing coming, maybe it won't. Childish, I know. Her fingers touch my face, forcing me to raise my head. I can feel her breath on my cheek. Startled that she's so close, my eyes snap open. Lapis blue eyes meet my gaze. Her face is so close to mine. I dart a glance to her lips but quickly return to her eyes. My body is going haywire with her so close, her hands touching me. It's like being touched by a live wire.
My breath stutters as she licks her lips. "What happened?" Her voice is breathy, a whisper across my skin. I'm completely lost. What were we talking about? I am filled with an overwhelming need to feel her lips against mine. Before I even form the thought my body is leaning forward, my lips ready to capture hers. She gasps and pulls back, leaving me bereft.
She stands abruptly moving to stand by the door like she's going to bolt out of it at any moment., repeating her question, I shake my head trying to dislodge the thoughts that have taken up residence. She has a boyfriend, she doesn't want me in her life, this is just a temporary truce. She's definitely not going to want me when I tell her what I did. I straighten my shoulders, preparing to take my punishment, Aaron's voice in my head telling me to take it like a man.
"I did what I had to. He hurt you. He pretended to be my friend and he used me and tried to rape you." I'm not going to apologize. An apology means that I regret what I did and while I know it's the reason for our current predicament, I refuse to be sorry. I would do it again, only this time I wouldn't stop until he was dead so he could never hurt her again. I avoid her gaze, standing up and resuming my packing. I can't be distracted. He knows where I am, which means he may know where Mike's house is too. We need to get out of here, make a plan, get help. I need to keep her safe. I can't let her down again.
I'm so focused on how to fix this that I fail to notice her coming up behind me until her small hand is on my shoulder. So much for all of my constant vigilance training in the military. Being around Veronica has me feeling like a fucked up kid again and I'm doing all sorts of stupid things. Like almost kissing her.
"That's why you didn't come to see me when I was in the hospital or when I got home." There's no accusation in her voice, just a quiet wonder as if she's finally solved a cold case.
Keeping my back to her, I nod. curtly "I let you down again."
"Is that what you think?" Another curt nod. "Oh, Logan." The sadness in her voice surprises me and I turn to face her. Her eyes are glassy with unshed tears. "I'm so sorry. I was so terrible to you back then. You didn't deserve how I treated you. I could make a million excuses, but none of that matters, I was wrong and I'm sorry."
"You have nothing…" Her hand covers my mouth stopping my words.
"No. You're not taking the blame for this." She shakes her head vehemently to emphasize her words. "Now come on, you're right we need to get out of here. We can continue this later when we're not sitting ducks."
Veronica reaches for my bag waking me up from my mental breakdown. I grab the bag heading to the door opening it with a flourished bow confirming the hallway is devoid of any threats. "After you, Ma'am."
She chuckles softly at my theatrics and precedes me out of the room heading for the elevator. I stop her with a hand on her arm, directing her to the stairs. She glances at me curiously and I can see the questions forming in her mind.
"I don't like elevators." I shrug nonchalantly.
"Since when?" Since I have started reliving the moment I saw you kissing Piz when one opened. My re-discovered aversion to elevators is going to be problematic, but I managed to bury it once before. In time, I'm sure I'll be able to again. For now, we're on the 4th floor so there's no need to put myself through more turmoil than I'm already experiencing.
I shrug again. " The stairs are safer. More options for escape."
She stares at me thoughtfully, but finally nods and lets me lead her into the stairwell. I use every bit of my military training, sweeping the area before we move down to the next level. Veronica seems amused by my antics, but her shoulders are stiff. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.
We make it down to the lobby without incident and I check out quickly. As we step outside, Veronica moves to hail a cab, bringing her fingers to her lips. Placing my hand on her arm, I stop her. She glances at me in confusion.
"We shouldn't go back to Mike's. If Mercer knows where I'm staying, then it's possible he knows about Mike's too. We need to find somewhere else." Her brow scrunches up adorably while she thinks through our options. I shift my weight, waiting for her to speak, eager to keep moving. I feel like we've got targets on our foreheads standing outside the hotel debating our next move.
Finally, she smiles slightly at me. "I have the perfect place for us to hide."
I quirk an eyebrow at her, waiting for her to elaborate, but she turns to hail a cab without illuminating what she's thinking. For now, I'm content to follow her, she knows the area better and fuck, she's Veronica Mars, I would follow her into hell if she asked me. Eventually, though, I'm going to have to go back to Neptune. The Navy tends to frown upon their personnel just disappearing. If we haven't solved this by the time my leave is up, I'm going to have to convince her to come with me. There's no way I'm going to leave her on her own with a rapist after her. That is a problem for another day though, and I have all the problems I can handle right now. I'm barely holding it together as is.
A cab stops, and Veronica waves a hand, motioning me to join her in the cab. Once inside, she gives Mike's address. My mouth opens to protest, but she cuts me off.
"I have nothing with me, Logan. Besides, there's something I have to get from Mike's."
"Veronica, what are you thinking?" We're supposed to be in this together, but it's starting to feel like it used to. Me tagging along with her while she solved the case, a sidekick rather than her partner. My irritation with her bleeds through my words and she glances at me, her eyes wide at the anger in my voice.
"I'm thinking, Logan, that Mike has properties that no one can find. I'm thinking we can get the keys and lie low there while we figure things out." The words come out clipped, her arms are crossed and eyes narrowed. Shit, I've pissed her off. Old patterns again. "Also, if Mercer knows about Mike, I need to warn him so he can protect himself. I can't have anyone else hurt because of a case."
"I'm sorry, I'm just freaking out." Anyone else, what does that mean?
The cab ride is short and filled with all the things we don't say to one another. Everywhere I look there's a landmine. I don't know how to talk to her anymore without our history and our separation rearing its ugly head. Danger aside, I want to make the most of the time I have with her, get to know her again, bridge the divide between us, but I don't know where to start. All of our conversations have been focused on the case. Hell, I don't even know what type of lawyer she's going to be or when she takes the bar exam or whether she still takes her coffee the same way she used to or not. This was not our ending; never were we supposed to be this lost to each other again. We were supposed to stick together. She is my oldest friend and the one who knows the most hidden part of me, but I don't even know her anymore.
Veronica uses her key to unlock the front door, both of us searching the streets for signs of surveillance. As I follow her into the house, I vow to find some way to learn more about her life now, to keep her in my life in any capacity she'll let me. I can't lose her again. I refuse to lose her again.