Short chapter, but if I had kept it as part of the next chapter it would have been realllllly long. Trigger warning, suicide mentioned again. Please take care if that's sensitive for you. Enjoy! ~Alice

CHAPTER 11

Amelia was a nervous wreck all the next day. All she could think of was how she didn't belong at a council meeting. She told Quinn this in the morning when they were getting ready, but he assured her she'd be fine.

But she wasn't so sure. What business did she have telling grown men and women any of her opinions? She would just stay silent on the matter. She didn't have to say anything at all after all. She could just sit there nodding her head.

How she had ever confronted Quinn with her feelings was a mystery. She chalked it up to how he had looked at her that day, and pure lusty hormones. She also knew Quinn would never make the first move.

Deep inside however, she felt like a chicken.

She grabbed her supper after a hard day's work, feeling faint partly from nerves and partly from skipping lunch again.

Quinn was double checking inventory in the storehouses and earlier had made a special run to the gardens on Joshua to check their fruits and vegetables. She had nervously waited, saying silent prayers for him for three hours until she heard that he'd gotten back safe and sound from Cordelia.

She sat down with her meager beans and toast and choked them down more for the nourishment than enjoyment.

No sooner had she finished them, Creedy put down his plate in front of her and sat down. "Evening," he said. "You ready for tonight?"

"No!" exclaimed Amelia surprising herself at her own outburst.

Creedy's eyes widened.

"No," she said again in a whisper.

"Whyever not?" he asked curiously, spooning beans into his mouth.

"What does Quinn expect from me in this meeting?" she asked.

"I believe he expects you to be yourself," he said shrugging. "This is what you asked him for right?" He took a bite of his bread and began to chew watching her.

"Not exactly. I wanted to be there for Quinn, so he could have someone to talk to. To unload on. I didn't really mean to be helping make decisions."

Creedy thought for a moment through another bite. "That's what a relationship is Lia. It's being partners and making decisions together. I think Quinn is over the moon to have someone to balance him out. Besides, he has me for unloading on. He has you for a partner."

Amelia considered this. "I've been on my own for so long, I don't know how to be in a relationship. I know I wanted it, but I feel like there's so much more than I thought. Three days and I'm already afraid I'm going to mess it up."

"You'll get the hang of it. Just talk to him," said Creedy. "And my advice for tonight. Just say what's on your mind. Everyone knows you lass. You'll be fine."

Amelia smiled. "Thanks C. You always know what to say, this has been really helpful." She started to stand up with her dishes, but Creedy interrupted.

"Um, I want to talk to you about something else."

Amelia sat back down curious.

"Simone came back last night with red eyed, and I asked what you did to her." He paused smiling and she laughed. "Well, anyway, she let me know she told you about that night with Rosanna…"

"Creedy you don't have to…" Amelia interjected, realizing where this was going.

"I want to. I'd like you to hear it from my side."

"Ok," said Amelia slowly, preparing herself for his confession.

"Rosanna and I were lovers before we got to the castle."

Amelia stared shocked.

"It was more out of necessity than actual love for each other, so I felt. When we got here, I met Simone and despite so much going on with fortifying the castle, and being frightened out of our wits, I fell deeply in love with her. I didn't know I could feel that way through all the pain and suffering I felt with my parents and my brother…" he got quiet. "Anyway. It was already over with Rosanna, so I thought. So, when she and Quinn hit it off, I assumed I could start with Simone. I never really talked with either of them, which was my mistake. It became pretty clear Quinn and her were just friends, and that she harbored some resentment toward me. But I ignored it and carried on like nothing was wrong."

Amelia was silent. She dreaded the next part. She wanted her view of Creedy to remain the same.

"Years of pent up frustration with me, finally got to her I guess. She got really drunk, like completely pissed. She confessed she still loved me and instead of saying no flat out, I said maybe we would have had a chance in another world. I never felt for her what I feel for Simone, but I didn't want to hurt her any more than I had. I don't know, maybe she took it as a yes, 'cause after I left her I went to take a piss, and when I got back to our bunk and climbed in, Rosanna was there instead of Simone."

"How did you not know it wasn't Simone?" asked Amelia, not wanted to sound harsh, but she was having a hard time believing he wouldn't know the difference between the waif-y French woman and the curvier Rosanna.

"I didn't at first, I was a little drunk too. But the second I realized; Simone turned on our lamp." He cast his eyes down for a moment, and then looked back at Amelia pleading. "I swear to God Lia, we never got past a few kisses, and the second I realized I hated myself."

"Why are you telling me this Creedy?" asked Amelia uncomfortably.

"Because you're my friend. And now Simone's good friend, and I don't want you to think less of me. I've paid my dues to Simone, but I still have my guilty moments. Especially thinking about Rosanna. I promised myself I'd always share my feelings, and never leave anyone in doubt of them. I don't want anyone to misunderstand me again. And I want all four of us to be close. And that means no secrets."

Amelia nodded.

"So, can you ever look at me the same?" he asked, genuine concern in his eyes, despite the lightness of tone.

"Creedy, of course I can. It wasn't your fault." She placed her hand on his forearm. "Truly, you're still my friend."

"Good," he said sighing.

"But I have to confess, I'm so angry at Rosanna. How can I reconcile my feelings for her with what she did to you, and then to us by leaving like she did?"

Creedy looked sideways at the wall for a moment, then spoke. "People do all sorts of things when they're hurting that don't make sense. Mistakes, lies, betrayals. One thing I do know, in these times, we can't afford to be mad at each other forever."

There was a long pause as Amelia thought this over. "Yeah, you're probably right," she said finally.

"I know I'm right," he teased. "I'm Spock."

She giggled.

"OK Bones," he said. "You ready for our meeting?"

Amelia took a deep breath. "As ready as I'll ever be."

"That's the spirit," he said, slapping her on the shoulder as she grunted and glared at him. They cleared their plates and she followed him upstairs.