Chapter 22: Plans for the future and the past.

Shalite lay in her bed, somewhere between wakefulness and sleep, she felt totally drained after giving birth to her son.

She was about to surrender to sleep when she heard a baby crying nearby. It took her addled brain a while to realise that the baby was her son. Opening her eyes, she looked around the room and noticed that John was sitting next to her with her son in his arms. Baby John was beautiful, and he was the splitting image of her, except he had her husband's blue eyes.

"John, how is he? She asked feeling worried that something may be wrong with him.

"He is absolutely beautiful Shalite; do you want to hold him?"

She nodded her head eagerly and was amazed when John placed his name sake in her arms, she didn't miss the wince as his hand hit the side of the bed either.

"John what is wrong with your hand?"

"Don't worry about me Shalite, just enjoy your beautiful son."

Deciding to keep quiet for a while, she just sat and stared at her son, she couldn't believe it she was a mother to this little boy. She felt tears brimming in her eyes when she thought about Tuart and how he would never get to hold his son, the thought that John wouldn't be by her side to help her raise him didn't make things any easier. He had been a wonderful support over the last week or so and he had been there for her when the baby had been born, but she knew that now that the baby was here, he would be turning his thoughts to getting back to his own time.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Joe entered the room, "Okay Shalite, would you like to try and feed you son?"

Looking around the room she realised that John was no longer in the room with her, "where is John?"

"He thought that you might like some time alone with your son and he's gone to get Carson to look at his hand, apparently you squeezed it a little too tightly." Joe told her and he didn't miss the twinkle in his bright blue eyes.

"Did I really hurt his hand that badly," she asked feeling worried about the fact that she'd caused him pain.

"Don't worry he'll be alright. So, would you like to try and feed your son?"

Shalite heard what Joe was saying, but it barely registered, as she had other things on her mind. "Joe I said some horrible things to John while I was in labour and I'm afraid that I have upset him."

"Don't worry about that now, perhaps you can talk to him at another time if it is really worrying you. Now, would you like to feed your son?"

She nodded eagerly and Joe helped her position her baby and she was happy that within in a few minutes he was happily suckling away. It brought tears to her eyes looking down and watching her son feed, this was something that her husband should be here to experience with her, but she knew that he was never coming back and she had to learn to accept it.

"Joe can you send John back in," she asked not really wanting to be alone.

"Do you want me to stay for a while?"

"No thanks Joe, just send John in?"

She was relieved when Joe quietly left the room, because for some reason that she couldn't comprehend John was the only person she wanted with her right now. She knew that was not going to do her any good long term, since he was due to leave for earth in less than a week and after that he would be heading back to his own time. Just the thought of John leaving brought tears to her eyes, she was a real mess emotionally at the moment and she really needed to get a grip. She was a single mother and she had plenty of friends, even if John did leave and go back to his own time.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

John quietly left the room, he sensed that Shalite may need some time alone with her son right now. Being there with her while she was giving birth had to be one of the most incredible experiences of his life, but it wasn't is baby, it was Shalite and Tuart's and she needed to remember that. If he was hanging around her all the time she may come to rely on him and although on numerous occasions over the last week or so he had felt tempted to stay, he knew that Teyla and her son needed him more and if he was going to admit that he was in love with anyone, it was Teyla. Perhaps one day he would have a child with Teyla, but that was a dream for another time, because right now his focus needed to be on getting home.

He wandered down the hallway until he came to Carson and Joe's office and he was happy that Carson was sitting at the desk, "Carson can you take a look at my hand please, I think that Shalite may have cracked a couple of bones."

"The wee Lassie has a bit of a strong grip, does she?"

John tried to smile at his friend, but he was pretty sure that it probably looked more like a grimace, "those contractions must have been really painful if she was able to crack the bones in my hand."

"Ah they probably were lad," Carson stated walking out of the office.

John quickly followed him and it wasn't long before he was sitting on and exam bed and Carson was waving a scanning device over his hand.

Carson tutted, the way he usually did when something was wrong, "aye lad there appears to be a few cracked bones. I'll use the bone healing device and then everything should be fine with your hand."

"Thanks Doc."

John sat and watched the blue light emanating from the device as he felt a warm tingling feeling spread out across his hand, he hadn't really given it much thought the last two times the device had been used on him, because he had been in too much pain.

"And what do you think of the new baby John?"

"Great," he muttered. Carson was actually trying to get him to open up and talk, which was what everyone in this time period seemed to want. That was one reason he desperately wanted to go home; people didn't want him to talk about his feelings in the past. He decided that he would play dumb and then perhaps Carson would just leave it alone, "what do you mean Doc?"

He saw a scowl cross Carson's face, as he answered, "you know dam well what I mean, how do you feel about the fact that you just helped deliver Shalite and another man's baby!" Carson's countenance changed and his voice softened before he continued. "Don't think I don't see what is going on, and from my point of view you definitely have feelings for her."

Sighing he decided to tell Carson the truth, he owed him that much, "yes I admit I have feelings for her and although it was a fantastic experience being there for her when she had her baby, I was also very much aware that it was Shalite and Tuart's baby. Just as I am aware that Teyla was pregnant with another man's child." That thought alone brought tears to his eyes. "And I'm going to be completely honest with you Carson, I wish that baby were mine, but it's not and there is nothing I can do about it. So, what I need to do is get away from this time as soon as possible, before I feel compelled to stay and help Shalite raise her kid." He took a deep breath before continuing, "and we both know what will happen if I stay, Teyla, Ronon, Rodney, Sam and Jennifer, will all die meaningless deaths at the hand of a relentless enemy."

For a moment he thought he saw compassion in Carson's eyes, "aye lad and I plan on helping you do that. Do you have any idea when you'll be going back to earth?"

"Julian has said that if I give him twenty-four hours' notice, I can leave at any time."

"And when do you think you'll be leaving John?"

John took a deep breath, as much as he wanted to stay and spend some time with Shalite and his namesake, he knew that he had to leave as soon as possible. He didn't want to hurt Shalite, but there was absolutely no way that he could stay in this time period, "I guess I'll go and talk to Julian now then." He looked at Carson with pleading in his eyes, "will you still come with me to earth Doc?"

"Aye lad, I think I'd really like to see earth again."

"Well I guess I'll be on my way again; I'll catch you later Doc."

John turned around and left the room. What a mess, he knew that Shalite had come to depend on him, but he also knew what a strong capable woman she was and that she would be alright without him. Saying goodbye to her was going to break his heart, but he knew that he had too, because although he had incredibly strong feelings for her, he knew that he wasn't in love with her.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Carson watched his friend leave, he knew that saying goodbye to him was going to be hard, but he suspected that if all went according to plan he would have a least another week with him, so he had every intention of making the most of that time. Carson knew that he would never go home with him, since there was another Carson Beckett in stasis on Atlantis in the past, and that Carson deserved a chance to live out his life surrounded by family and friends. But there had certainly been times where he had thought to hell with it, he would make the journey backwards in time with his friend and who the hell cared what happened to the Carson Beckett in stasis. He knew he couldn't do that though, because Michael was still out there ready to terrorize the galaxy once again and he was the only person in this time period, who really understood what Michael was like.

Taking a deep breath, he shook himself out of his musings and decided that it was time to go and visit Shalite and the new baby.

It didn't take him long to reach the room that Shalite was staying in and when he arrived, he was delighted to see that Shalite was staring down at her son, who appeared to be fast asleep for the moment.

"Wow what a beautiful baby!" Carson exclaimed approaching her bed.

"Oh, hey Carson, John has just fallen asleep, after crying for about half an hour, I had no idea what was wrong with him though. I changed his diaper, fed him and then I finally sang to him that seemed to help and within seconds he was out like a light."

"Have you given any thought as to what you will be doing now that you've had your baby?"

"I'm still hoping that I'll be going to live and work on Atlantis, but as you know ever since Luchias and Jolie have been arrested tensions are at an all-time high, between New Sateda and the Coalition of planets. Has Julian given you any news on the state of affairs recently?"

"No, unfortunately he seems to be pretty tight lipped about things, but I'm sure as soon as he knows anything, he'll let you know."

"Thanks for being such a good friend Carson. Have you given any thought about what your future holds?"

"I'm thinking that I'd definitely still like to go to Atlantis to live and work again, but Julian has also told me I am welcome to stay here in the presidential palace, as they could always use another good doctor or two. Apparently, he made the same offer to Joe, but I suspect he's like me and would really love to live and work on Atlantis."

Shalite smiled and Carson didn't miss the fact that it didn't quite meet her yes, "yes, I believe that Rodney is keen to return to Atlantis also?" Shalite stopped and looked around the room and Carson immediately knew who she was looking for, "where is John?"

Carson cleared his throat, "he has gone to see Julian about arranging his trip to earth."

"Oh," Shalite said and Carson could see that she was trying to hide her disappointment.

"Are you alright Lassie?"

"I know that John has to go back to his time, but I have really come to rely on him over the last week or so and I'm going to miss him." Shalite told him and he could see the tears brimming in her eyes.

"I know lassie, but remember that I am here for you, as are Joe and Rodney. And I'm sure that Rohan and Julian would be willing to help you with whatever you need as well."

She sighed and tried to wipe the tears away from her eyes, "I know, but I have grown quite attached to John and if circumstances were different I could see myself forming a long-term relationship with him."

"I really don't know what to say about that lassie. One thing I do know is that he cares for you a great deal, but his heart is set on going back to rescue Teyla and her child."

"He must love her very much and I hope that they can be together." Shalite commented.

"That he does."

"I think that I'd like to go back to sleep now Carson, so do you think that you could put John in his crib?"

Carson carefully took John off of her and put him the crib. Shalite looked very tired and he knew that it was probably a good idea for him to have a sleep before John woke up. He patted her on the arm, "I'll see you later, Luv."

"See you later Carson."

He quietly left the room and headed back to his office. Joe would be there soon and then he would go and get some food and have a sleep himself.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

John took a deep breath before knocking on Julian's office door. He had no idea what he was afraid of since Julian hold told him to inform him when he wanted to head back to earth. It was so soon after Shalite had had her baby though, and he wondered if he was doing the right thing. Perhaps he could stick around for a week or two longer to offer her some support. But he knew the longer he stayed the harder it would be for him to leave and his mission hadn't changed since he'd woken up on the Pheonix, he still had to go home and rescue Teyla and her son, and eliminate Michael whatever the cost. He'd been here nine weeks already and, in that time, he'd been punched in the face, experimented on, caught in a cave in, poisoned and spent two weeks in a coma. He knew that if he didn't go home soon, he may never go home.

Sighing he knocked on the door in front of him, when there was no answer he felt tempted to leave, but he knew that he needed to speak with Julian now, so he knocked again. This time a voice answered from the other side of the door, "Come in."

He opened the door and walked in with his head held high, he knew what he had to do and he had to do it as soon as possible. Sitting down in the chair in front of Julian's desk, he finally looked around and for the first time noticed that Rohan was there as well.

"John what can I do for you?" Julian asked looking up from his paperwork.

"I've decided that I want to visit earth straight away."

"That's good, because I need to speak to the president of earth in person as soon as possible. I need his help, so that this galaxy doesn't descend into chaos." Julian told him and John could sense the urgency in his voice.

"Really!?" John asked with surprise, "surely things aren't that bad yet?"

It was Rohan who supplied the answer, "The Coalition of planets are demanding that we release president Tinkle straight away. They have given us three weeks and if we don't the will consider it an act of war against them."

"Surely you can't go to war because I was poisoned?" John asked with confusion.

Julian chuckled, "although we take attempted murder very seriously, believe me when I say that there is much more going on. Needless to say, that the galaxy isn't as stable as the Coalition led its citizens to believe."

"Is there something else going on other than the fact that they've been lying to them for thousands of years?" John asked with confusion.

It was Rohan who filled him in on the latest developments. "There has been some people in their government who have come forward and told us how they were forced to keep information secret from the people. The Coalition also wish to keep Atlantis to themselves and they have no intention of letting anyone else have it. Apparently, they have spies everywhere and are looking for it as we speak."

John sank down into the soft fluffy chair, which he was seated in and contemplated what he was told. From the sounds of things, this galaxy was heading for a full-scale war and he certainly didn't want to stick around long enough to participate. "I have one question Julian?"

Julian nodded giving him permission to continue, "didn't you know of the Coalition's deception towards their own people?"

"No, we didn't, we kept to ourselves and so did they, the only time we had communication was over Atlantis and even then, we didn't communicate very often. It wasn't until Shalite and Joe came to New Sateda that we suspected that things were not as they seemed, so we invited Luchias here to discuss matters and we know what happened then."

John shuddered, part of him wanted to stay and fight, but a bigger part of him knew he should head back to his time, since he would have a fight on his hands there as well. "What are you going to do?"

"I need someone else to sit at the negotiating table with us, that is why I want to invite the president of Earth to help us. I do not know of any other powerful empires out there other than Earth's and our own." Julian explained.

That was all John wanted to hear, his only concern should be getting back to his own time, so he didn't really care what Julian and Rohan did," so when do we leave?"

"I'll inform the president of Earth that we are on our way and we should be able to leave within twenty-four hours."

"Thanks Julian," John said as he stood up to leave the room, the only problem was he didn't get very far, because for some reason Julian wanted to talk about his feelings.

"How are you feeling John?"

"I'm good." He replied not really wanting to have this conversation.

"Are you sure John, you're trapped 50,000 years in the future, you've been kidnapped, experimented on, a cave collapsed on you and finally president Tinkle tried to kill you?"

"I'm good," he responded.

Julian looked at him and John knew that he wasn't convinced, "okay then. I will let you know what time we'll be leaving tomorrow. I believe that Rodney and Carson wanted to come along as well."

John nodded, turned and left the room, knowing that if he stayed in this time period much longer he was going to go stark raving mad.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Shalite was dozing after putting John to sleep, when she heard someone enter her infirmary room, "whoever you are go away. I don't want to talk to anyone right now."

The door closed and she assumed that whoever it was had left, she was exhausted and really wanted to sleep. Now that her baby had been born John was in a hurry to leave and that depressed her as well, she was kind of hoping that he might stick around for a bit longer to help her settle in to her role as a mother, but all he thought about was getting home to his time. Not that she could blame him, he really shouldn't have been here anyway, but he was, and he had changed her life in ways that he couldn't possibly imagine, for good and for bad.

A soft voice spoke to her from beside her bed, "Shalite are you okay?"

Sighing she opened her eyes, John was probably the last person she wanted to speak to right now, she was still angry at him for wanting to leave so soon.

"I'm alright, I'm just very tired."

"I'm sorry Shalite, but I have to go. I need to get back home as soon as possible. I really value your friendship and I am honoured that you would choose to name your child after me, but I really can't stay here much longer. I am off to earth tomorrow and hopefully I will be able to precure a time-ship and go home, but I promise that I will come back here and say goodbye before I leave."

Shalite tried to listen to what he had to say, but the thought of him leaving so soon was just too painful for her, so she decided to change the subject, "I'm sorry if I hurt your hand when I was giving birth and I'm sorry if I blamed you for what happened to Tuart."

"That's alright Carson was able to fix my hand without too many problems and thank you for your apology." He took a deep breath before continuing, "I'm really sorry that I can't stay, and I really hope that you will be okay."

"I will be fine John."

"Do you mind if I sit with you for a while?"

"No, I 'd rather be alone right now if you don't mind and can you please make sure that you shut the door on the way out."

"I'll try and drop in and see you and baby John before I leave for earth." John told her as he stood up and left the room.

She was relieved when he had left the room. Rolling over she turned her back towards the door and let the tears full. She no longer had Tuart alongside of her and now John was going to leave her as well. At that moment she had never felt more alone.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

John quietly closed the door to Shalite's room and took one last look through the window. Although he didn't love her, his heart was breaking at the thought of having to leave her. She was a single mother now and, in some ways, he blamed himself, but what would have happened if he had never come along. Surely Michael would have still captured Tuart and Roget and if they hadn't had been on Atlantis, Shalite would have been on the Phoenix, in which case Shalite and baby John would now be in the hands of Michael, or worse still they would be dead. So, in that case it was probably a good thing that he was here and although it had been hard on him, he didn't regret a single minute that he had spent here.

He knew that when he went home, he was going to miss everyone, especially Shalite, but Teyla and her baby needed him more. Shalite had plenty of people who would look after her, but if he didn't get home Teyla didn't stand a chance.

Checking his watch, he realised that it was almost dinner time and he hadn't eaten all day, but then he didn't feel hungry anyway, so he decided that he would head to his room and get an early night. He definitely wanted to get up in the morning and see Shalite before he left, since she didn't seem happy with him right now.

TBC…

I know that this may have seemed like a bit of a filler chapter, but John will be heading to earth in the next chapter.