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Episode 11: A Lesson in Meditation

Spock watched as his lover was beaten, his leg smashed with a rock, waiting for the opportune moment to speak with him.

"Leonard." The doctor's head twitched slightly in the direction of the first officer. "Can you hear me?"

"S-spo-ck…" He choked. "Help—"

"Listen carefully. This isn't real. This is your memory of Firack 9." McCoy scoffed then wheezed and coughed, blood dripping and splattering on the dirt.

"Y-you're telling—me…all in my head?" He wheezed once more and his body shuddered. "H-horse shit."

"You were attacked by a woman with abilities similar to this would be assassin." He explained but paused when the doctor's eyes slid closed. A few seconds later and McCoy gasped and coughed up more blood. "Do you remember Lexin Prime?"

"Flu…" He winced. "How-"

"An impostor infiltrated our ranks much like this one tried. She was sister to—" An eerie pause worried the human.

"Spock?" He coughed.

"Apologies. Remaining in your mind with out a physical link has been…" Bones wasn't sure if he had trailed off or lost connection, perhaps he had fallen unconscious once more.. The thought of being suddenly alone scared him.

"Spock!"

"I am here." The voice of his lover said calmly but sounded strained.

"How long—" Bones choked on his blood again. "—have you.."

"I have witnessed the entirety of this event 12.3 times." He stated in a matter of fact tone. "We have held similar discussions eight times."

"Y-you can't- y-you'll hurt—"

"I require your presence in reality, doctor. As such I refuse to—" He stopped as the doppelganger McCoy entered and rolled Leonard over with her foot. She raised her dagger and plunged it into his gut making McCoy choke on his cries of pain.

Xxxxx

Sweat dripped down the Vulcan's nose. He panted for a moment before looking up to see Kirk, his hands upon his shoulders.

"Captain." He stood, after steadying his breathing.

"I just consulted the ships logs… you've been in here the whole time. You never left your room after I told you to take a break."

"I believe you also told me to meditate…" Spock put out the incense.

"You've been poking around in Bones' head haven't you…" He crossed his arms. "Damn it Spock if you—"

"He needs our help Captain." Spock sat down at his desk.

"What do you mean?" Kirk sat across from him worried the Vulcan had discovered something dire.

"The loop erases our past conversations and I am unable to convince him of the illusion in the time he is able to concentrate on my voice."

"So you can talk to him." Kirk asked in amazement.

"Unless you believe I am simply seeing what I want to see based on human emotions." He raised an eyebrow.

"Its still a valid concern." The human defended.

"Indeed..?" He tilted his head slightly then leaned back into his seat.

"How is he?" Jim asked, relaxing a bit as well.

"With out a direct connection I can only ascertain his emotional well being, which needless to say, is not well." He stated evenly.

"And with a direct connection… you would be able to convince him?"

"It is my hope." Spock nodded. "A physical connection to him would help him sense my presence, despite his distracted mind." There was a small pause while Spock adjusted his position in his chair. "Captain… May I inquire as to what changed your mind?"

"I still don't like the idea of you meshing with Bones again.." Jim admitted.

"Mind meld, Captain." Spock corrected gently.

"Not after last time.." He sighed. "But I remembered you had said that he was having recurring nightmares about what happened, even before we got to Lexin Prime. If our impostor was able to use this same nightmare to induce paranoia then it made sense that she could trap him in the nightmare itself."

"Indeed." Spock agreed, happy to hear his friend finally embracing logic.

"Her promise to break him may have gone unchallenged if it wasn't for you, Mister Spock." Kirk nodded in understanding. "0500. Sick Bay. Get some sleep. Captain's orders." He stated then left the room.

"Hmm…" Spock cocked and eyebrow at his new found eagerness.

Xxxxxx

A scratching noise caused him to stir. McCoy groaned lightly, not wanting to wake anyone else. He looked around the cavern, attempting to see despite the dark.

"Spock?!" He nearly shouted but remembered his sleeping companions. "What in blazes are you doing here?!"

"I am not. And neither are you, doctor."

"What—" Before he could finish his thought Spock closed the distance between them and placed three fingers on his face. McCoy winced before the world darkened around them.

"What the hell is going on Spock?!" He hissed when he saw himself beating… himself… rather severely.

"This is your memory of Firack 9. When you were attacked in an attempt to assassinate delegate Ka'll."

"Wha—how—" He winced and touched his side when he heard his rib crack. With a shuddered breath he turned away unable to face the brutality he'd already endured.

"As I've explained to you before, the sister of this would be assassin, snuck aboard Enterprise. She's been subtly tormenting your mind, making you paranoid." Spock explained further.

"The nightmares.." Bones realized.

"Precisely." The hybrid nodded. "When I discovered and confronted her she made a desperate final attempt to harm you, trapping your conscious mind here where she believed you had killed her sister."

"But I didn't—you said you've explained this to me already? How many times have—No… never mind.." He closed his eyes and covered his mouth with his hand when heard himself cry out as the large rock smashed his leg. "How are you here? How do we stop this?"

"A mind meld." Spock answered then quickly added that it was under order of the captain when his lover glared at him. "I tried to reach you just with our linked minds but the connection was not stable enough."

"So.. is this a meld with in a meld?" Bones asked with a furrowed brow.

"No. But your conscious self was woken when I touched you due to the physical connection in reality." Spock replied. "As for getting out of here… All you must do is wake up from the nightmare."

"You make it sound so simple." Bones rolled his eyes.

"Now that you are aware that this is not reality you should be able to escape with relative ease."

"How exactly do you suggest I do that?" McCoy grimaced at the sound of the dagger stabbing his stomach.

"Please sit." The vulcan requested while sitting down himself.

"What are—"

"We haven't much time." He glanced over the image of McCoy being vaporized. The human did as he was told. "Close your eyes. Focus not on the world around you."

"Great.. more meditation…" Bones groaned but did as he was told, focusing on his breathing like Spock had taught him.

"This dream is not your reality. You know this to be true." Spock said in a calm voice. "You are aboard the Enterprise. In sickbay. Sleeping peacefully."

"Sleeping peacefully…" Bones repeated in a monotone voice. Spock opened an eye to see the scene around them had frozen and began to fade in and out.

"You are aboard the enterprise." He said again, closing his eyes once more. "Sleeping peacefully."

"Enterprise.." Leonard managed in a groggy voice.

"Now. Open your eyes and wake up."

Xxxxxx

"You did it Spock!" James met the rousing Vulcan with a wide grin. He pointed up to the biobed sensors above McCoy. "Firing on all cylinders. Even came around for a second or two." Spock looked at McCoy and released a small sigh of relief.

Xxxxxx

"Is it really so hard to say -I need you-?" McCoy asked with a small smile, holding the hand of the ship's first officer.

"I believe I said that doctor." Spock cocked an eyebrow.

"I require your presence doesn't exactly hold the same tone."

"Yet it's meaning is identical."

"Green blooded bastard." He glared at the taller man who leaned down and kissed his lips gently.

"I love you too." The hybrid muttered against his lip.

"Ah-hem." The two men pulled away to see their Captain standing nearby.

"Captain." Spock greeted.

"Mister Spock." Jim smiled. "How's our resident recluse?" He took a seat next to the biobed, adjacent to Spock.

"I was fine until you showed up…" McCoy grumbled.

"I just wanted you to know, the woman that attacked you is safely locked away in a high security prison." Bones nodded solemnly. "No more nightmares."

"Thanks, Jim." He sighed heavily. "Dr. M'Benga says I should be fit to return for duty in a day or two."

"That's great news." Kirk grinned.

"If memory serves… you're due for a physical in a few days." McCoy smirked when their Captain paled.

"There's really no need. I uh—"

"A certain pointy eared hobgoblin as well." He turned his attention to the Vulcan.

"I believe I should be heading back to my station." Spock stood and straightened his uniform. "Captain." He nodded slightly and began walking away. Kirk sputtered.

"Expect an exceptionally thorough, personal, physical exam later tonight in my quarters." The doctor called after him. A clattering noise and a muttered apology from the Vulcan ambassador's son had the two humans in a fit of laughter.

Xxxxxx

McCoy still had nightmares of course, it was to be expected, but they didn't feel as threatening and waking up next to Spock calmed him, made him feel safe. The doctor had to admit, the meditations really had helped his mental health after his ordeal and though he still didn't like the smell of the Vulcan incense, he liked sharing the experience with his lover. (Even if he was certain Spock preferred to meditate alone.)

"Sorry.." McCoy said quietly and stood.

"Doctor?" Spock opened his eyes, his gaze following the other man to the door.

"I'm distracting you…" He sighed.

"I did not—"

"You didn't have to." Leonard opened the door. "I can't concentrate anyway… maybe I'll go stab Jim with a few hyposprays to make me feel better." He chuckled as he left.

Spock returned to his meditation.

"Bones." Jim greeted. "Finished meditating already?" He asked, allowing the doctor entry to his quarters.

"Nah, didn't take tonight." He shrugged.

"You okay?" The Captain asked with friendly concern.

"Yeah." Bones nodded and sat down on the sofa. "Leg's bothering me is all, makes it hard to concentrate."

"I thought your leg had healed." Kirk handed him a glass with a purple liquid.

"It is." He confirmed. "Its all in my head." McCoy grumbled and took a sip, wincing at the taste.

"Andorian." Kirk grimaced at the flavor himself. "I think it's supposed to be some sort of vodka…"

"I think Chekov would take personal offense to the suggestion." He coughed and Jim chuckled.

"Bones… do you mind if I ask about…" He paused and watched the other man for a moment. "About how you're really doing?" McCoy bristled but quickly calmed.

"That obvious huh?" He gave a bitter chuckle.

"Only to those who know you well enough." Jim assured. Leonard sighed inwardly.

"I'm alright." He took another swig of the swill that was poured for him. "Some days are better than others.. Sometimes Spock has to convince me I'm awake. Sometimes I can't get rid of these damned phantom pains…" He rubbed his leg. "But there's more good days than bad now." A tired smile creased his lips.

"That's good to hear Bones. Remember I'm always here if you need to unwind."

"This Andorian vodka makes me think you don't actually mean that…" The two men laughed and began chatting idly, eventually the doctor had forgotten all about his phantom pain.

In fact, he relaxed so much that he had to be carried back to his own quarters after he and Kirk had finished off the bottle of alcohol despite their mutual dislike for the stuff.